Building a House of Peace: Blessed are the Peacemakers

Well, I am so, so, so glad that you are here. We're in week three of our series, Building a House That Lasts, and I am so, so excited. We're walking through the Beatitudes together, and today I've invited a special guest to come and share with us today. He's the New Jersey superintendent of the New Jersey Ministry Network. He's been a great leader. He's not just a friend to us or a guest to us. He is family. He calls this his church home when he is not here with us. Calvary Church, could we stand on our feet and give a big welcome, not only for the word, but for our guest today, Pastor Don James, as he comes to share with us today. Pastor Don, we are so glad to have you today. God bless you. Love you, man. Oh, good morning, everybody. What a privilege. Hey, thank you for the kindness that you have afforded, Donna and I. When we get to be here, it's not much. We spend, I told somebody the other day, I think I know every white line on the New Jersey Turnpike. I've been up and down that thing so many times, but you can be seated. God bless you. We appreciate that.

Yeah, we're right on the verge of a retirement and we've just announced that. I'm just kind of living out my little bit of time. We've been doing this for a long time. So it's, in March, Donna and I celebrated 50 years of full-time ministry. You know, along with Pastor Paul, we started ministry when dinosaurs still roamed the earth. And it's great to see you, and Karen, great to see you, hon. God bless you. Father, I'm gonna ask you to bless this word today in a very special way. So important to our hearts, so important to our home, so important to our world, Lord. And so we just bring our hearts before you. Lord, I'm just your mouthpiece. Your Holy Spirit's the one who teaches and preaches. And so we bless you for that in Jesus' name, amen. Hey, if you brought your Bible, turn to a book of Matthew, the Beatitudes. We're gonna look at verse nine. Real quick, excited about this series. What a wonderful thing. But Jesus says this in Matthew 5, 9, blessed, everybody say blessed, because it's a bigger blessing than you think. This is not like, you know, around the dinner table, Lord bless the food. This is God blessing.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God. Man, I thought about that this week as I had the opportunity to put some thoughts together that peacemakers, such an important, important thing. We live in a world, sadly, that is filled with conflict and nations are divided. Communities seem to be fractured and lots and lots of relationships that are strained. And sadly, even in our own homes, a place that should be a refuge of peace, we often find tension and misunderstanding and anger and emotional distance. Now, I know that's nobody in here, but I'm talking about the people out there. And it's kind of tough. You know, it reminds me of the story of the man who was talking to a friend. And he said, you know, we've been married 30 years, my wife and I, and we've only had one argument in 30 years. And his buddy said, man, I mean, that's incredible. One argument in 30 years. How in the world did you ever pull that off? And he said, oh, it's easy. He said, it started back on our honeymoon. He said, the argument we had was on our honeymoon. And he said, we decided to go to this dude ranch out West and we were on a little trail riding a couple of mules and we're going down the trail and my wife, her mule stumbled.

And she got off the mule and looked at it in the eyes and said, that's once. Went a little bit farther down the trail and the mule stumbled again and she gets off. And she says, no, that's twice. Go a little bit farther down the trail. The mule stumbles a third time. And she gets off and she reaches in her hand, in her handbag and takes out a gun and shoots it. And she said, that's three times. And then her husband, he says, I can't believe you just did that. He's angry. He said, why in the world would you do that? She walked over to him and she said, that's once. Well, I'm not sure that's the biblical way for a conflict resolution. I don't think that's what Jesus is talking about here, but it did remind me that seriously, all of our homes at times, we deal with some frustration, some conflict, some moments when our patience is tested. I know mine is sometimes, my wife's definitely is. So the question's not really, will conflict be resolved? conflict ever come to your home, It's a question of how we deal with it. the question is, how do we handle it? And I think that's what Jesus is talking about here. Do we handle it our way?

Or do we learn to handle it God's way? And that's what Jesus talked about. When you learn to handle it God's way, you're gonna find out it leads to further blessing and greater blessing in your life, because in today's world, there's a lot of houses that are standing, but too few are flourishing. And so when I thought about this message, I thought Jesus speaks right into the situation of where we, don't you love that about the word of God? That it's so relevant to our lives? And he speaks right to this. Blessed are the peacemakers. They will be called children of God. I looked at that and I said, you know, I noticed that Jesus didn't say, blessed are the peace lovers. That's a good thing. That's what he says. Blessed are the peace keepers. That's a good thing. But that's not what he says. I was in a conversation with my youngest son. He has three teenage boys. Can you imagine? And he said, well, I don't know about that. We were talking about this message and he said, I think most of the time I'm much more of a peace keeper than I am a peacemaker.

And I said, well, son, the blessing comes when you're a peacemaker. You can't control the peace of others, but you can control yours. You can be a peacemaker. That's the idea that it's bigger than that. Blessed are those peacemakers. And it tells me that we have to be active in this. Peacemaking is active. That it's gonna require courage and humility and some wisdom, a lot of patience. And most of all, it's gonna require love because that's what God wants involved in it. I thought, you know, peacemaking, it's not passive avoidance of conflict. Sometimes people just go, well, the way I'm gonna deal with a conflict is I'll just remove myself from it or I won't say anything. But you and I both know that eventually that's gonna show some cracks. Eventually it's gonna come back. It's gonna get harbored down in the soul, which is not a good place at all. We need to understand that peacemaking, I haven't thought about this, it's ultimately spiritual work. It's a spiritual activity. It's bringing healing in what could be hurt. It's bringing reconciliation into what could be division. It's the action of bringing restoration

to what could be a sense of brokenness among people. And so it's very active in the way we think about our homes and our nations. We need peacekeepers, yes, but we really need peacemakers because it's so intentional to be a peacemaker. It's not gonna happen accidentally. Peace must be cultivated, I think. I think about a gardener. You know, if you're gonna have a beautiful garden, then it takes a little bit of work. Everybody knows that. You've gotta prepare the soil, you gotta fertilize the soil, you gotta keep the weeds out, gotta keep the insects off, right? There's action that has to be taken and your garden kinda comes into a place of peace and prosperity. Well, it's a good little illustration for what has to happen in our homes. If we think that peace is gonna reside in our homes so that we all live in blessing, because we want our families blessed, amen, then it's going to take some action and it cannot be passive. So today, for just a few minutes, I wanna talk to you about how you can build a house of peace, a house where God's presence is honored, relationship is strengthened, and most of all, Christ is reflected in all of our lives.

And so here's a couple pointers for you. Maybe we'll do a few little takeaways. First and foremost, we need to understand there's a call to peacemaking. Jesus says blessed are the peacemakers. So it's not rocket science that one of the ways Jesus says you're gonna get, because the Beatitudes are all about several ways to get blessed, but Jesus says one of the ways you're gonna get blessed and bring blessing to those around you is to understand that God has actually called you to be a peacemaker. There's a calling on your life. There's an action. It kind of puts God's thumb on each and every single one of us because it's partnering with God to restore something that is maybe sinful or broken or going wrong, and peacemaking is that active pursuit of getting God involved in the situation. I think so often we try to bring peace to something just in our own strength, and it works so much better if we do it in Jesus' peace, because Jesus' peace is different. It's blessed. It's the shalom of God that comes upon a situation, and so Romans 5, 1, Paul wrote this about this. Think about this. I'm called to this.

He says we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. If you got your Bible there. and you can underline it. Underline that word through. It doesn't happen in our strength, it happens in His strength. It's through Christ that we have our own peace, of course, but also that we bring peace to others. You know, what the world without Him, we can have a sense of peace, but it's not God's peace and it won't last. Because God Himself, I think, is the ultimate peacemaker. Think about the cross. If you've come to Jesus Christ, you had to come through the cross, and what it brought was it brought peace to your life, amen? It brought peace to your life, but it had to go through Him to bring peace to your family, your world, your situation. It has to go through God. We have to be very, very active in that idea, because I think that it reflects the character of God when we see this kind of peace working. It builds bridges instead of walls. It seeks understanding instead of retaliation, and it seeks healing instead of revenge. That's the benefit of it. In Ephesians 4, Paul says this, "'Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit

"'through the bond of peace.'" Now, I underline that, make every effort. It's not gonna just happen. It's not gonna casually just take place, because it's gonna require some effort, or as we said, some intentionality. Peacemaking does not mean avoiding conflict at all costs. I wanna be clear about that. In all of our lives, I've gone through this personally. I think sometimes, well, if I just leave it alone and avoid it, then it'll become peaceful. Well, it may for a moment, but it's coming back. I mean, you know what I'm talking about, right? And so, peacemaking is not avoiding it. It means actually dealing with it. If you just bury it, it'll grow. It'll actually get worse. And so, peacemaking, it doesn't mean that you're compromising. It means that you're searching for harmony. And peace cannot, it can't exist aside from the truth. So, we use God's Word to be the guiding points of how we bring peace. That's what this message is really all about. I can't tell you in my own strength or in my own way how to do that. I could give you some Don insights, but they won't work near as good as some Jesus insights, and so this is why it's important that sometimes we have to understand

that peacemaking, if you don't do it, you're gonna enable a destructive behavior, and it's just not healthy to all of us. So, yeah, sometimes it takes tough conversations. Sometimes it takes putting some healthy boundaries up. I know as a parent, we've had to do that. And you think about it, sometimes it is a little bit painful, but if you've ever had a surgery, then sometimes that surgery's a little bit painful, right? But it's a pain that's gonna bring correction. It's a pain that's gonna eventually bring healing and restoration to that part of your body. Think about peacemaking that way, that if you're dealing with a situation, it may be a little bit like a surgeon. It's gonna be a little bit painful to get it going, but the result is gonna be a win. And I love that idea. Like we talked about with the gardener. It's a little bit painful getting down on your hands and knees and pulling weeds and killing bugs and all of that, but he's after good fruit, and that's what we're after. So, as peacemakers, I would say this first thing, you are called to build an environment to where peace can grow, and build an environment to where Christ can shine. That's what it's about. Second thing that I thought about on this was,

we have to understand that how we build the foundation of a peaceful home is so critical, because we want a peaceful home, it has to be built on biblical principles. Paul says this, a tough verse, but man, especially for independent-minded Americans, but Paul says in Ephesians 5, 21, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Well, can I tell you, most people do not like that word submit. It does not fit our cultural norm, but it is so huge. And when I looked about this, it's not this idea of biblical submission is, by the way, it's not domination. It's not that, it's not cowering, it's not backing off. It's humility, and it's choosing the right place and the right time to bring about God's healing and God's words, and our culture, sadly, is teaching us the opposite. The group in the first service this morning, we talked quite a bit about this, I am one, I am very, very cautious of the culture that we're living in. Come on, somebody. Parents, you need to be super conscious of the culture. that we're living in. You have to make a decision, are we gonna build our home on biblical culture, a biblical worldview, are we gonna build our home on all of the stuff,

good, bad, and ugly, that's coming into our home? How do we protect that environment? You know at Network Summit I spoke about being watchful and being that watchman on the wall. That's our job. And so building a peaceful home means we gotta be active in that. It means a place where people can feel emotionally safe, where humility is seen and wins the day, even where people can become a little bit vulnerable to one another because they're not in fear of being attacked and it's a big thing. You can admit your mistakes without being humiliated, you can express concerns without fear of rejection. That's what it means building and understanding what this home is about because the opposite is a home that's gonna be built on pride. But when you do that, your home becomes a battlefield where God has designed the home to be a sanctuary. And so keep that goal in mind. And you know in Ephesians five and six, where we get this verse from, verse 21 starts a long catalog of how we walk in submission to one another. And in chapters five and six, Paul kind of picks on everybody. He starts with husbands, he goes to wives, he gets over to children, he goes to masters, he even goes to slaves of the day

and talks about this idea of mutual submission. And what he's saying is he says, listen, consideration matters. Tone matters, kindness matters. Sometimes conflict happens not because of what we say, but because of how we say it. I told the people earlier, it's that yes, dear versus yes, dear. Same words, whole different connotation. One brings frustration, the other one relieves frustration. That's why Proverbs 15 one says, a gentle answer turns away wrath. And by the way, gentleness is not weakness. We get that one wrong all the time, right? Gentleness is strength under control. So parents, it's okay to love your children, but it's okay to discipline your children as long as you discipline in love, in concern. Because rules without relationship breeds rebellion. And correction without compassion, it produces resentment. And so this is not the fruit of the blessed life that Jesus is talking about. And so wise parents, they train without provoking, they discipline consistently, but do it while also showing unconditional love. That's the key. I think if we could think of our homes and our lives, are we thermometers or are we thermostats? You know, in your home, you probably have both. But a thermometer just measures the temperature,

just tells you what it is. A thermostat changes the temperature. So God wants us to be more than thermometers. He wants us to be thermostats. We change the environment of our home. So how do we do that? Well, I'm glad you asked. Because I think we need to put some peacemaking tools in place, practical peacemaking tools. And when we talk about this, first of all, we need to understand that peace is not just a theological term used in the Bible. It is truly an action, it's practical, it's so much more than that. So how about if we reach into our toolbox and we take out, first of all, the ministry of listening? Hard for us, right? James 119, everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. That's James 119. Because many conflicts, they come about because of the way we respond in the situation. And what we do is we're listening so we can form an argument, not listening so we can bring a solution. Is that an amen or an oh me? Because, man, I tell you, sometimes I'm guilty of that. Somebody's talking to me and I'm already figuring out how I'm gonna answer it, right? Like, I got one up on him, wait till this one comes.

That's not finding peace. That is actually bringing about more conflict. Boy, a lot of people looking at each other right now. Again, I'm not talking about any of you with any of this. It's those folks out there, right? So anyway, but we may wanna think about the ministry of listening because how we respond is so critical. You know, if you respond wrong from the beginning, you might already be shut out. So, this is a tool in your toolbox. Listen to this idea. When you communicate in the right way, you're assigning value to that loved one or value to that friend or that coworker, whatever the situation is, you're saying what you say matters. I may not totally agree with everything, but you matter. Even your opinions matter, and I wanna honor that. Second thing that I think we could reach in our toolbox is pull out this idea of speaking the truth in love. This one, man, pastor, yi, yi, yi. In the years we've been in ministry, I've had a lot of people come and, you know, and say, I'm just gonna speak the truth in love, you know, but I hated your sermon. You know, that type of thing. Or like, I didn't do anything for me today,

or they're just like, well. You know, and then I go home, and I'm, you know, I'm walking home and going, what a loser I am, you know? And so it didn't help. And so think about that, speaking the truth in love, because truth without love, it'll become harshness, and it can become harshness. And love produces something that you're not looking for compromise. You're looking for that idea of how God is honored and how you are blessed. That's what Jesus is getting to. That, you know, we talk about this idea that peacemakers communicate honestly, and they talk about these various things, because words, have you thought about this? Words can either heal or hurt. They're rarely neutral. Man, that's important to know. They can either heal or hurt. Proverbs says there's life and death in the power of the help-me-out church. The tongue. Wow. Well, here's the next tool that I think you can grab. How about the tool of quick forgiveness? Don and I have been married as of last week, 56 years. It's a long time. I said, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

And the greatest advice we ever received was in our premarital counseling. And by the way, I got saved in our premarital counseling. I'd never heard the story of Jesus. And I grew up in this country. I'm off on a tangent here. But don't take it for granted that everybody out there knows the gospel. Most of the people out there don't know it. They know some biblical thing, but they don't know the gospel. I'd never heard the gospel. And the pastor that did the premarital counseling, he led me to the Lord. And in our counseling, this is what he said to us. He said, the greatest thing I can tell you about your marriage, the Bible says, don't let the sun go down on your anger. The Bible says, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Don't go to bed still angry. And so I actually validated this with my wife last night. She'll be here for service. I said, have we ever had a time because of that in 56 years that we slept in separate beds because we were angry with each other? And she said, no. And she said something. She said, I do wanna remind you, we had a few 3 a.m.s. You know, we were talking this thing out

till three o'clock in the morning, but don't let the sun go down. What I'm really saying, be quick to forgive. It doesn't mean all the actions are corrected, but forgiveness is the starting place to fixing the actions. It's not the ending place. Well, once I got everything, you get all this straight, and then I'll forgive you. The Bible says, God demonstrated his love for us in this. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Listen, church, Jesus didn't say, once you get your act together, then the Father's gonna send me to die for your sins. While we were still sinning, while we couldn't get our act together, Jesus came and brought us the gift of forgiveness with God through the cross of Jesus Christ. Thank you, Lord, for that. Hallelujah. So we need to be quick to forgive and understand that if we don't unresolved, unresolved anger will become bitterness in our lives, and we need to rid ourselves of those poisons that bring resentment in our hearts, and nothing can do it like a lack of forgiveness or unforgiveness, and so I look at it like this. Conflict in our home can be a small fire, and if you address it quickly and with the right tools, listening and love and humility, forgiveness, it can be extinguished,

but even if it's just a small fire, if it is not addressed properly, it'll eventually burn your house down, and I've seen it, sadly, a lot of times. All right, let's continue on. How about the next thing? When conflict comes, let's go for a biblical response. Wow, this one is so, so important to us because it says, Because again, I come back to the culture thing. You have a culture and I have a culture that is trying to impede upon our lives and our homes something that brings anything but a biblical response. So, have you noticed Paul talks about a biblical response in chapters five and six, we just rehearsed that, but he ends it with spiritual warfare? Man, I'll tell you, there's some times I've had to do some spiritual warfare over my life, over my family, over my kids, my grandkids, over the church, over the whole network now. You take on 650 of these pastors like I have and you'd have to do spiritual warfare, trust me, right? And so it's what we deal with, but it is the idea. Why did Paul end there? Because he said, listen, it's not always gonna be easy. Sometimes you're gonna need to see it as a battle, but God gives you the tools to win the battle. And so it needs a biblical response. How do we do that? Well, maybe we start by examining ourself first.

Jesus said in Matthew seven, remove the log from your own eye before addressing the speck in another person's eye. I love that illustration. Peacemakers, they take responsibility for their part. They say, how did I contribute to this? Was my attitude wrong? Did my words start to cause unnecessary hurt? See, the personal ownership along with humility, it opens the door for healing. So examine yourself first, then second of all, go directly to the person. That's a Matthew 18 principle. Man, are we getting that one wrong. I see it all the time. I told the crowd in the first service this morning, I'm dealing with a situation right now in one of our churches that there was a very bad and wrong and false accusation that came against leadership. And instead of going to the leaders and trying to straighten this out, this person didn't even go to somebody else. That's what a lot of times we do. We go and we talk about instead of to. Can I say that again? Just helping you out here. We go to somebody else and talk about the person instead of going and talking to the person. And Jesus knew that was harmful.

He said, you're not gonna be in the blessed life if you do that. This person went one step further and put it on social media. And it's just everywhere. Now the fire's just blazing. That's why Jesus gave us this. Don't do that. That's the way the culture works. That's the way social media works, right? Let's just get it out there before everybody. And so just be careful because gossip, it multiplies wounds. That's what we need to understand. So biblical peacemakers, they pursue conversation and then they do it with grace and with truth and understanding rather than dealing with a humiliation. All right, here's another thing to think about. Not only examine and go directly to the person, but seek resolution, not victory. Can I be really transparent with you? Man, that, I'm just gonna be honest, Dan. This is one that I really struggle with. I've had a couple arguments with my wife. I think I'm getting better at it. I hope so by now. But my wife, one time she said to me, she said, why do you have to win every argument? Is the goal solution or is the goal your win? I said, it's me win.

And so we don't get a solution. We create a bigger problem that now every situation is about my win. And so I'm just being honest with you. Listen to this verse because restoration, not domination is the goal. Listen to what Paul wrote. He says in Romans 12, 18, if it is possible, and it is with God's help, all things are possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. I underline that as far as it depends on you. Otherwise, I gotta own my own stuff and I will take my own actions. And if I don't take the right actions, I'm not gonna find solution and I'm gonna miss the blessed life. That's just huge. Conflict resolution, it's kind of like surgery. It requires sometimes precision and wisdom and patience and care. But the goal is not to win. The goal is find the peace of God and the blessing of God. Somebody say amen. Amen. Let's finish here. How about the blessing of being a peacemaker? What did Jesus talk about? Well, there's blessing in that, because when we do that, we reflect the character of God. Jesus said, when you're a peacemaker,

you will be called the children of God. Isn't it a wonderful compliment, parents, when you're so proud of your kids, and somebody comes up and says, this is your child? Oh, they're awesome. How about in our Christian lives, if the world says, you're God's child? I can sure see it in you. That's what Jesus is talking about. It's about when we experience God's peace. Paul says in Philippians 4, 7, it's the peace of God that transcends all understanding. We're not after man's peace, come on, somebody. We're after God's peace. We don't want the peace the world offers. It's not working real well, but God's peace always works. And then, let's finish with this. Leave a legacy. The children of the righteous, the Proverbs says, leave a blessing on God. So how about if we pray together? That works. My wife and I, we say a little 30-second to one-minute prayer every day before we walk out the door. Doesn't take long. 30 seconds. I've even had a few times, I've said, you gotta pray while I'm going because I'm running behind, right? But we're gonna pray.

It brings, there's something that happens magical to it. Create a consistent opportunity for communication. I told the church earlier that one of the things we never allowed in our home was we didn't, we never ate our family dinner in front of a TV because in our crazy, crazy world, it was the only time we could all get together. And we'd all scarf down our food so it wasn't long, but it was valuable. Doesn't have to be long, just needs to be valuable. And let's finish with this. Let us be reminded that unless the Lord builds a house, come on, Pastor, unless the Lord builds a house, they labor, labor in vain. That everything we do this, your whole series, Pastor, is about allowing the Lord to build a house because he does it a whole lot better. Come on, let's pray together. Father, we bless you and thank you today. We wanna be peacemakers because it reflects who you want us to be in Jesus Christ. And I just bless you for that today. Holy Spirit, I ask you to rule big in our hearts. I pray for our church family, Lord, today that you would help each and every one of us to own this, but to be excited about it, Lord, that when we're peacemakers, there's a blessing in Jesus' great name, amen. Amen. Just in this posture of prayer,

every head bowed and every eye still closed in this moment. Pastor Don was talking about peace and peace is not only something that we need in our relationships with our children or our spouses or those we work with. My question for you today is, are you at peace with God? Have you made Jesus Lord of your life? It's the greatest story ever told is that God sent his son, Jesus, lived a perfect, sinless, spotless life because we've sinned, we've missed the mark. And he offered for us in Jesus a way to be made right with God. It's the greatest exchange. He takes all of your sin, all of your junk, all of your shame, all of your mess, all of your condemnation, and you inherit all of his righteousness, but you do have to make a decision to follow him. And so I wanna give you that opportunity today, every head bowed, every eye closed. You truly can't live at peace with others in a way that God calls you to biblically if you don't know him first and you're not biblically right with him first. And so I wanna give you that opportunity today. Every head's bowed, every eye's closed. I'm gonna count to three. If that's you, why don't you just lift your hand just quickly and then you can put it right back down.

Nobody's looking, it's just between you and the Lord. I just think there's something important about acknowledging what God is doing in your heart in this moment. Ready, one, two, three. Come on, Isaiah, you just lift your hand up, put it right back down, fantastic. About four hands that are lifted today, that's so great. God's proud of you. Decisions being made for the Lord right now in this moment. Come on, repeat after me. Everybody pray. Come on, nobody pray alone. Let's pray out loud. Let's say, Jesus, say, here I am. Say, here's my life. Say, God, I ask you to forgive me. I ask you to change me. I ask you to be the Lord of my life. And from this day forward, I wanna follow you. I wanna be at peace with you. God, would you forgive me of my sin? Lord, would you be the Lord of my life? Say, my life is not my own. But from this day forward, I'll follow you.