Biblical Parenting: What Every Christian Parent Needs to Know // Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Well, 936 weeks. If you are a parent, that is how long you have from the time your child is born until they grow up, they're 18, they graduate, they move out of the house, hopefully to never return, right? You see, here's what we know. We know that parenting is a deeply personal topic. Parenting is a sensitive topic. As Pastor Kyle loves to say, there's no talking with people about their kids. Well, today, as you know, is Child Dedication Sunday. And so I thought to myself, this might be the best Sunday possible, to talk with people about their kids. And so I'm just going to take one for the team, and we're just going for it. And here at Two Cities, you just need to know that we love parents. And we believe here that parenting is extremely important, but unfortunately, in our culture today, so many people view children not as a blessing, but as a burden. Did you know that last year, they came out with the statistics and found that the fertility rate in the United States is lower than it has ever been? Did you know that right now, there are more houses with dogs than with children in the U.S.? In fact, just a couple of weeks ago, I was going through the drive-through at Starbucks, and I ordered a coffee, and I ordered some pup cups for my kids. You don't know this, these pup cups, they're little cups with whipped cream that are free. They used to be for dogs, but they've normalized giving them to children. So I order these pup cups, and I pull up to the drive-through window, and the Starbucks worker, she leans out, hands me the pup cups, then she looks into my van, sees my children, and says this, oh, man, I was hoping I would see a puppy.

And when she said that to me, you know what I thought to myself? There is no way someone would ever say that to me at Chick-fil-A. This is what I get for going to Starbucks. But you see, the biblical worldview is that parenting is extremely important. We value children, and so we need to start by defining parenting. What is parenting? Well, parenting is not just behavior modification, although that's part of it. Parenting is not commanding and controlling your children. Parenting is simple. It is a temporary trust from God for the discipleship of children. It is a temporary trust from God for the discipleship of children. If you are a parent, you are not an owner of your child, you are a temporary steward of your child. And what we want as parents is we don't just want our kids to survive until they're 18. We want our kids to be following Jesus and helping others find and follow Jesus when they turn 18. And so today, if you got your Bibles, whether you're here, down in Lexington, at our Multiply campus, or at Butner, grab your Bibles and flip to Deuteronomy 6. This is one of the most well-known passages in all of Scripture on parenting. And what we're going to see here is that Moses, he is giving his farewell sermon to the people of Israel. And Moses is going to talk to them. This is his last message before he dies and before Joshua leads the people to the Promised Land. And what God's going to do is he's going to speak to the people of Israel through Moses. And here's the big idea of what we're going to see today. It's that parenting is both important and it is impossible.

When Pastor Adam Griffin was here just a few months ago in March for our Parenting Conference, he said, parenting is important enough to matter, but it is difficult enough to humble you. I've thought a lot about parenting over the last few weeks, knowing that I was going to have to talk about this. My wife, Olivia, and I, we have four kids, and so our lives are full of goldfish and pouches and temper tantrums over Band-Aids and nap times and bedtimes and all this stuff. And even though I knew that I was going to have to stand up here and talk about parenting, it was almost as if the Lord was reminding me on a daily basis recently, parenting is pretty hard, isn't it? Even just yesterday, we were outside with some friends, with all of our kids there, and my three-year-old shepherd found a pear tree, and he had a pear in his hand from one of these trees, and he was walking around as if he was about to throw it at one of our friends. And so I'm not making this up. I walked up to Shepherd. I said, Shepherd, I got on his level. I said, Shepherd, I'm preaching on parenting tomorrow. Don't let me down here. Do not throw that pear. And Shepherd looks at me for a second, takes the pear, throws it up in the air. I'm just like, I should have preached on something else, I guess. But parenting is both important and it is impossible. And so just know that as I talk about many of these things, even in my own life, some of these things are actual, some of these things are aspirational. Parenting is one of those things that's very easy in theory, but it is much difficult in practice. And we need help. Well, thankfully.

God has something to say about parenting. So let's look, see what he has to say. We're gonna be in chapter six, verse one. This passage is referred to as the Shema based on its first Hebrew word, which translates to hear. So verse four says this, hear, O Israel. Moses says, listen to what I have to say. He says, the Lord, our God, the Lord is one. Now, what Moses says here is he says that you should be as parents exclusively devoted to the one true God. There are no other gods. Verse five, you shall love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. In the gospels, what Jesus does is he describes this commandment from Moses as the greatest commandment. And what's really interesting here is that before Moses talks to the adults about parenting, he talks to them about their affections. Did you notice that? Before, so basically what Moses says is this. If you want your kids to follow Jesus, guess what step one is? You need to follow Jesus. By the way, if you're here and you are not a parent or you are not yet a parent, just know that this message is for you because we parents need your help.

We need lots of men and women in the life of the church who can walk alongside our kids, encourage them, challenge them, disciple them. And so we need your help. But what Moses says here is he is talking to the people of Israel about the value of self-leadership. Self-leadership, this is step one to parenting. It's leading yourself well. Most of your leadership energy as an adult needs to be given toward leading yourself spiritually. And so I wanna give you three Cs to cultivate if you want to lead yourself well. The first is this. It is to cultivate your communion with Christ. Moses says this in verse five. He says, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. You see, every environment that we have here in the life of this church is designed to help all of us do this. You see, one of the reasons we say, if you're in town, would you be in church is because this Sunday gathering is designed to do lots of things. One of the things that's designed to do is to help all of us together love God more. Your community group in many ways is designed to help you love God more. Everything from our multiply nights

to the Heights Conference, to DNA groups, to mission trips, these things should lead to you loving God more. And the principle is that you cannot lead somewhere, lead someone to a place that you have never been. You cannot pass on as a parent what you don't possess. And so we have to constantly be figuring out how do we stir up our own personal affections for Jesus? The second thing to prioritize is your character. And here's the question for character, you've heard it. Is private you the same as public you? Is private dad the same as public dad? Does dad talk to mom in front of the friends the same way that he talks to mom when it's just us in the house? Is dad just as locked in and attentive at home as he is when he's in the workplace? You see, the character question is, is private you the same as public you? But here's what the real question is. Is the gap between private you and public you, is it shrinking or is it getting bigger over time? Here's the thing, whenever someone has a moral failure and you talk to them afterwards about how it happened, it's the same story every time. What was happening was that over time, private them and public them was slowly, the gap was getting bigger. This is why we Christians need to value confession. We have to value repentance. We have to value accountability.

We have to value telling the truth in our circles of accountability. This is how we cultivate our character because your kids are gonna learn a lot more from your example than they will from your explanations. So we have to cultivate our character. The third thing to prioritize is this, this is the third C, it's your calendar. You see, there are two things that Satan will try to attack more than anything else, it's this, he will try to attack the family and he will try to attack the church. And I've given this a lot of thought and I think that the way that this often practically happens is that Satan will try to attack families by leading them to not prioritize the church or the family with their calendars, with their calendars. And so I wonder if Moses starts this passage telling us to love God. God, if an objective, non-biased person were to look at your calendar, your family calendar, what would they say that you love the most? Now, just to encourage some of you parents, so many of you do an incredible job at this. You are serving faithfully. Your calendar reflects a value for the church and the family. You are serving as your children's unpaid Uber drivers to student ministry. You are bringing them to church.

You're doing things like reorganizing vacations so that your kids can go to camp this summer so that they can go on mission trips. And so you just, many of you, you need to be encouraged, but we have to prioritize the calendar. And so I wanna talk about prioritizing the calendar with both the church and the family. So let's talk about the church first. One of the most common things that people will say when they're talking about why they don't make it to church is they'll say this, you've heard it. We're just too busy. Here's what that means. When you say we're just too busy to make it to church, here's what you're really saying. Other things are more important than the church. Sports are more important. Going on a weekend trip once or twice per month is more important. Getting a little bit of extra sleep, having more time to do things around the house is more important than the church. I'm telling you, if you find a lump somewhere in your armpit or on your neck or whatever, and you're worried about that lump, and you get an appointment scheduled to have a biopsy done, you're not gonna miss that appointment. Why? It's because you will make time for what is most important. So the calendars must reflect that we value the church.

It also must reflect that we value the family. Here's the principle. Your presence is much more valuable than being able to give your kids presents with a T. I wanna talk for just a minute about absent fathers. Absent fathers, this is fathers who are not giving their families or their children appropriate amounts of time, appropriate amounts of attention. Now, if this is you or was you, you need to know there is so much grace. We're gonna talk about that in just a second. But this is one of the ways that families are attacked. It's absent fathers. Over the last eight years or so, on campus at Wake Forest, I have seen many, and I mean many, young women come to campus as 18-year-old girls, and their dads have provided for them financially. So they've got a BMW, they've got a Jeep, their tuition's paid for, their sorority fees are paid for. So dad has been able to provide because he's got a good job. But for many of these young women, dad has essentially been absent. He's been overworking, not giving his daughter enough attention. And dads, I'm just here to tell you, if you do not give your daughters

appropriate amounts of attention, they will find it elsewhere. And I'll tell you where they're gonna find it because I've seen it. It's gonna be the good-looking sophomore guy at the frat house. I promise you, he will give her some attention. I've seen it for 15 years. We have to prioritize the family, spending quality time with those that we love. We need to look at our counters and figure out how we can not only be as present as possible, but as life-giving and encouraging as we can be when we're there. The heart of all this, the heart of leading ourselves well, is that if we wanna have a healthy relationship with our kids, we have to be healthy. So before we talk more about parenting, I wanna reread verses five and six, and I wanna show you the hope that we have in parenting. Verse five says this, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. Now, if you're like me, you read this, and you're just like, I can't do this. I can't do all these things that Moses is commanding.

And you're right, because the hope of the Christian is not that we can do all these things perfectly. The hope of the Christian is that Jesus himself followed all of the commandments of God perfectly. And after doing that, Jesus went to the cross as our substitute, took on the penalty that you and I owe, rose from the dead, and made a way for us to be forgiven, made a way for us to be accepted. So here's what I know, so many of you, the biggest regrets in your life, they might revolve around parenting. Things you wish you had done differently, mistakes you've made in the past. And if that's you, you may need to receive the forgiveness of God. You may need to stop beating yourself up over things you've done, over things that have happened in the past. You need to trust that there is help, there is hope. There is healing to be found in Jesus. But some of you, you are still to this day, you're carrying a bitterness towards your parents. And so what you might need to do in view of the gospel, in view of the fact that you've been forgiven, you might need to extend forgiveness to your parents. You need to understand that in most cases, your parents did the best they could with where they were. You see, the gospel is the hope for parents. The gospel is for those who have been wounded by their parents.

Now let's keep going. Moses is gonna say this in verse seven. He says, you shall teach them the commands of God, diligently to your children. So the word for diligently literally means to sharpen, like you would sharpen a blade. And so if I were a prop preacher, I'd bring a big knife out here and show you that sharpening a blade requires intentional, consistent friction. What Moses is doing here is he's talking about how diligent teaching requires lots of consistency. He's gonna talk about rhythms. Let's look back at verse seven. He says, you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, that's the home, and when you walk by the way, that's when you travel, and when you lie down, that's when you rest, and when you rise, that's when you begin the day. Moses is gonna say every moment is a teaching moment. And Moses first says, if you wanna teach your children diligently, you need to do so as you sit in your house. So much of parenting happens, you know this, inside the home. And I just wanna talk about two things that typically happen inside the home that parents need to give attention to if they want to have a peaceful and an orderly home.

They're very simple, the dinner table and discipline. Both of these are extremely important and they're often connected actually. Let's talk about the dinner table first. So many of you know the Ronald Reagan quote where he says, all great change in America starts at the dinner table. Why does he say that? It's because there are so many different things that can happen at the dinner table. Think of it, you can debrief the day at the dinner table. Maybe you go around and share highs and lows. You can practice gratitude. Maybe most importantly, you can practice social skills. One of your biggest responsibilities as a parent is the socialization of your child. It is unbelievably important. Think about it, at the dinner table, your child, they learn hopefully how to socialize in a group. They learn how to ask questions. They learn how to make eye contact. They learn how to not talk too much, how to not cut people off in conversation. They learn how it's often socially inappropriate to not talk at all, right? They learn how to eat things even if they don't love it because it's polite, right? Some of you, what you may need to do is you might need to go to your seven-year-old and say,

no, you're not just going to eat croutons and cheese. That's not how this is gonna happen. Why do you need to have that conversation? It's because if you don't have that conversation with your seven-year-old, before you know it, they're 17 and now they're strange, which is really a big problem. Think about all of the different things that you teach a child at the dinner table. You teach them not to throw things. You teach them to not be difficult and disruptive. Now, just to be clear, I understand there are unique circumstances that lead to behavioral issues in children. I get it, and so there are developmental challenges and there are health challenges. That's not what I'm talking about. But in general, if your child is consistently annoying to other adults and to other kids, that is a big problem, big problem. Because here's what's happened. Here's what will happen. Adults will often be drawn to a delightful child. Kids will be drawn to a delightful child. An adult will be polite and they will often engage with your child, but other kids will not. Other kids are not going to tolerate or want to spend time with the other kid who's always hitting them, who's always throwing things at them.

And so I say this with compassion, truly, but if your six-year-old is not well-liked by the other six-year-olds, big problem. If your 14-year-old is not well-liked by the other 14-year-olds, that is a big, big problem. It might not be your fault as a parent, but it is still your problem. And so what you might need to do is you might need to figure out, okay, how can I come alongside my child and help? them. Maybe what you need to do is you might need to get some feedback. Maybe you go to couples in your community group and say, hey, how do you receive my child? How do you experience my child? Maybe you ask them this question. How do your children experience my child? And I know that is a scary question to ask. I know it is. But you need to know. Because as the parent, it is your primary responsibility to figure out how you can best care for your child and help them. So we have to give attention to the dinner table. This leads me to a much less controversial topic, discipline. It says in Ephesians. It says this in Ephesians chapter 6. It says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,

but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. One of the ways that you teach your children diligently, like Moses is talking about here, is through discipline. You see, godly parents will provide both high affection and high authority. Godly parents will offer both discipline and delight. And here's the truth. You know this. It's that your children, we need to just embrace this reality. Your children will be corrected. They're either going to be lovingly corrected by you or they are going to be corrected by others. And the principle with this is that kids can learn lessons a little bit over time or they can learn lessons all at once. And all at once is usually much more painful. And so I want to give you five different categories to think about discipline with. A big overarching truth when it comes to all these different forms of discipline is that before you discipline, listen to me, parents. Before you discipline, there needs to be connection before there is correction. You need to connect with your child before you offer correction. So here's the five categories. I got these categories from Pastor Kyle and much of this content because it's just so good. I hardly don't want to change it.

The first category is this, reproof. Reproof. This is calmly telling your child what they're doing and why it's wrong and what's going to happen if they continue to do it. It's helpful to ask your kids not just what did you do, but why did you do this? Let's try to get to the hard issue here. Why did you do this? So step one is reproof. The second category is deprivation. This is a fun one. This is taking something away, right? Well, see, I was joking there because the challenge here is that when you're a parent and you take something away, it normally makes your life more difficult, right? I've heard it said before that you as the parent need to pay the price now so they don't pay the price later. The third category is isolation. This is the classic timeout. Maybe you can have your child sit in timeout for the same length of their age. So if they're three, three minutes, seven, seven minutes. The fourth category is logical consequences. This is very simple. It's this is what's going to happen if you do this. And then the fifth category is what the Bible calls the rod, which is physical discipline. It says this in Proverbs 13. Whoever spares the rod hates his son,

but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Now, I know that this is a controversial topic and I know that many people, unfortunately, have been on the receiving end of this not being done well. But a few key things to know about this. The first is that physical discipline is how parents connect sin with pain. Physical discipline should always be done as a last resort. It should never be in public, always in private. This should usually be done between the ages of two and seven and this is a big one. Physical discipline should never happen if the parent is angry or frustrated. When I was in PA school doing a rotation in the ER, one of the ER doctors at the time told me, he said, whenever there's a big emergency that comes in and you feel really worked up and anxious about it, the first heart rate you need to check is your own. The same is true with parenting. Until you have gotten your emotions completely under control, until you have calmed yourself, discipline should not happen. And then after discipline does happen, the last step is that there always needs to be reconciliation. You need to extend forgiveness to the child and then the relationship needs to be restored. Speaking of discipline and rhythms, a quick word to grandparents in the room. Now, I know that some of you are like,

please don't make this awkward. They're here with me right now. I'm not gonna make this awkward. I'm not gonna make this awkward. I know, I know they're here. I'm not gonna make this awkward. I'm not gonna make this awkward. First of all, grandparents, you need to know I'm not gonna make this awkward. that you are so massively important. I mean, you play a role that is irreplaceable. The ways that you give and love and serve are just incredibly helpful to your kids, to your grandkids. I wanna give you just one word when it comes to rhythms and rules. One word, reinforce. Would you consider how you can reinforce the rules and rhythms that your child has in place with their children? Now, this doesn't mean that grandparents can't spoil their grandkids. Of course, spoil them. But in general, it's usually not very helpful if the kids go spend a few days with grandma and grandpa and the rules and expectations with grandma and grandpa are completely different from the rules that you have at home, right? Because then what ends up happening is the kids end up coming back home

and it's a really difficult two to three days as the parents are trying to reteach the rules and expectations. And so, what do you consider? How can I reinforce the rules and rhythms of this home? Parents, grandparents, we love you. We're grateful for you. Let's keep going. Let's reread part of verse seven. It says this, you shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way. When Moses says that you should teach your children when you walk by the way, what he's talking about is when you travel. Think of this as side-by-side moments. I've heard from many parents over the years that some of the most life-giving, meaningful conversations they have with their children is during the side-by-side moments. Maybe it's in the car, maybe it's going on a walk. And think of the side-by-side moments as coaching moments. Because as your child ages, there's gonna be less commands and there's gonna be more conversations because they're getting more and more responsibility and more ability to make their own decisions. And so it's helpful to remember that the role that the parent plays in the life of his or her child is going to evolve over time.

So think about it this way. I've heard these categories, but between ages zero and three, the parent's primary role is caretaker. Between three and nine, the parent's primary role is cop. High levels of authority, right? From ages 10 until 18, the parent is primarily a coach. And then from 18 onward, the parent serves as a counselor and as a companion. About a year ago, I was talking with a pastor, just a godly man in a different part of the state. And he was sharing about how his 18-year-old son is in a season of rebellion. It's very sad, it's really difficult for all the obvious reasons. But this pastor told me that a good friend of his told him, he said, hey man, unfortunately, the days for you being your child's coach are now over. And so you're gonna have to figure out how to relate differently to your child. You're now gonna have to transition to a season of counselor, of companion. It's very difficult. So Moses says to teach your children in your house when you walk by the way. Then the third category is this, when you lie down. So this is when you rest. Let's talk for a second about bedtime. Does anyone else feel like they turn

into a hostage negotiator at bedtime? Anybody? You know, you drive your kids home from school and they don't wanna talk to you. But then at bedtime, they're talking your head off and they're asking you whether or not penguins have knees, right? It's like, what is going on here? To be totally transparent, bedtime is very difficult for me, very difficult. I don't know what it is, but after working all day and coming home and trying to help with dinner and then play a little bit, and by the time bedtime rolls around, I'm just tired. And then what often happens is my wife, Olivia, will say my least favorite sentence, which is this, we need to give the kids baths. Two things that would happen way less often if it were up to me, baths, changing the bedsheets. Would not happen nearly as often. But in these moments, okay, so in these moments, it's eight o'clock, I'm tired, it's been a long day. I have to remind myself this. It is the responsibility of the parent to get bedtime right. It's no one else's responsibility. You've heard before of sins of omission versus sins of commission. So a sin of commission is when you commit or you do something that God forbids. A sin of omission is when you fail to do something

that is a good thing. James four talks about this. Now for years, I've talked about sins of commission and said that what a sin of commission says is I know this is wrong, but I don't care. Well, I've given this a lot of thought, and I think that I know. but what the sin of omission says, especially with regard to parenting. It says this, I know this is right, but I'm too tired. Parents, it is the responsibility of you to get bedtime right. I know it's not easy, but we have to discipline ourselves to finish the day strong. And so we normally talk about the categories of read, pray, sing. We heard these from Pastor Adam Griffin back in March. So let's just go through them. So we do this as a family in my home. We, at bedtime, we'll take some time to read. Now what you read or how long you read is gonna depend on the age of your child. So if it's a four-year-old, you might just talk, you might just read a few pages of the Jesus Storybook Bible. If it's a 14-year-old, maybe you just read a chapter or maybe even just a passage of a real Bible. Speaking of reading, this is really interesting, and this should be very important to Christian parents. There was an article that came out a couple of weeks ago

by the Associated Press, and what they found is that teenagers are reading for fun much less than ever. The number of teenagers who are reading for fun has dropped drastically over the last 15 years. And of course, this is related to smartphones and screens. 14% of 13-year-olds read every day for fun. What this means for parents is that we have to figure out how do we cultivate a love for reading in the lives of our children? Because if we want our kids to love and read the Word of God themselves, we have to figure out how to help them learn how to read. So we read and then we sing. Songs or sermons, you remember, there's something unique about singing that takes the truths of Scripture from your head down into your heart. So maybe this is what we do in my house. We often would just sing a chorus of a song, and that's it, we move on. So we read, we sing, and then finally, we pray. Maybe you could just ask your child, what's bothering you? What can we pray for? And then as long as it's not just totally bizarre, just pray for it, just do your best. Maybe you give them an opportunity to pray themselves. We read, we pray, and we sing. And we need to have realistic expectations when it comes to all of this, right? Because almost never are these moments gonna be

just these unbelievably spiritual, rewarding moments. But consistency is what we're shooting for. Consistency over these high reward moments. Okay, finally, Moses says to teach your children when you rise. This is when you begin the day. I wanna encourage your family to consider this question. Are there any life-giving rhythms that you could implement that would be meaningful to your children as you start the day? Maybe it's going on a walk in the mornings. Maybe it's taking a moment just to pray for like 20 seconds when you drive them to school. Maybe it's asking about what they're looking forward to in the day. One of our pastors, Zach Trantham, he's been in student ministry for years. And for the last few years, he's got three kids. He's gone from the home all day on Wednesdays. He doesn't get home until after the kids are in bed. And so what he did is he wanted to communicate to his sons that even though he's gonna be gone all day, that they still come first. And so he started something called Waffle Wednesdays. And what he does is he alternates between his sons, wakes them up early, takes them to Waffle House or somewhere, and they sit there and he asks intentional questions. They debrief the week. They talk about any disciplinary issues

they need to talk about. And he tells me it has been super fruitful. So are there any rhythms that you need to put into place? Maybe your next step is to sit down and give some thought to what rhythms in life giving things you can put into place in the mornings. All right, let's keep going. Let's see what Moses says in verse eight. He says this, he's gonna talk about the culture of a home. He says, you shall bind them, that's God's commandments, as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. What that means is that God's word needs to be constantly in view. Verse nine, you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. You see what Moses is doing here as he talks about the doorposts, is he's saying God's word should be visible and clear to everyone who walks into your home. What Moses is doing is he's talking about creating a culture where Christ is at the center of a family. A culture is created by what you create, teach, and tolerate. And so I'm gonna give you three quick ways to create a Christ-centered culture in your family. Very quick, the first is this, public repentance. Public repentance. So this is how you create a Christ-centered culture anywhere, but especially in the family.

Your kids need to see, dad apologized to mom, mom apologized to grandmom. When you lose your temper with your children, they need to hear you. Repent and ask for their forgiveness. There needs to be public repentance. The second way to create a Christ-centered culture is relationship over rules. Our homes need to have minimal necessary rules because if there are too many rules or if the rules are super goofy, then what happens is the kids don't end up respecting the good rules that they really need to obey. Now, trust me, I know this is not easy. This happens every day. This literally just happened yesterday. I see my kids wrestling and as they're wrestling, I'm just like, do I need to die on this hill? Do I need to stop them from wrestling? Because there's a 90% chance this is gonna end with one of them crying. And there's a 5% chance this is gonna end with an urgent care trip and stitches. And so I understand it is challenging. We just have to figure out how to prioritize relationship over rules. Because rules without relationship is what will lead to rebellion. And then the third way to create a Christ-centered culture is to create memories and milestones.

As Christian parents, we should be super fun parents. We need to give attention to having fun with our kids. Having fun with your kids is gonna solve a wide variety of problems. We need to not take ourselves so seriously. Maybe on vacations or on the weekends, you say yes as much as you possibly can so that when you say no, it means something. We need to create memories but we also need to create milestones. When Pastor Josh Miller was here a couple of weeks ago, he told me how much he was looking forward to going on a trip this summer with his 13-year-old son. And what he was gonna do on that trip is he was gonna say, hey, buddy, I just want you to know that you were awesome when you were four. I've loved you your entire life, but I am uniquely thrilled about what the Lord is doing in your heart right now as someone who's about to turn 13. Welcome to manhood. We need to value memories. We need to value milestones. We've covered a lot of topics about parenting, about relating to kids, but I know just from being in ministry for so long that so many parents feel just discouraged. After the last service, a lady came up, mom in her 50s and said, I wish that I had heard many of these things 30 years ago.

Some of you are discouraged. You feel guilt. You feel shame about where your kids are. You feel shame about things your kids have done, and I want to encourage you with a passage from the Proverbs that at first doesn't seem like it has anything to do with parenting, but I think it's gonna be God's word for you right now. It says this in Proverbs 21. It says, the king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord. He turns it wherever he will. You see, if God can direct the heart of a king, he can also direct the heart of your child. Some of you are discouraged about where your 16-year-old is or where your 26-year-old is, or maybe it's your 46-year-old. You're discouraged. You feel hopeless, and you are on the verge of just giving up for your child, but I'm here to tell you on the authority of God's word, don't you do it. Don't you do it. Don't give up on your child, because here's the truth. Parents, their responsibility is to guide, and what God does is he governs the heart. We've talked a lot about parenting, all the different things parents should do,

all the things that parents should not do, but here's the truth. At the end of the day, so much of parenting and what happens in the lives of our kids is a mystery. It's a mystery. It's a mystery. I could rattle off a list of well-respected pastors and theologians who right now have adult children who are not walking with Jesus. Did those pastors just all blow it? Well, I'm sure they didn't parent perfectly, but in general, I'm sure they did a pretty good job. It's just a mystery. So much of what happens in our children's hearts is a mystery. Think about Jesus. Jesus did not have any biological kids, but he did have disciples, and even Jesus had a wayward disciple, Judas. Think about how perfect of a leader Jesus was. Think of how Jesus led himself perfectly. Jesus was totally in submission to the commandments of God. He gave perfect attention to his disciples. Think about all the different things that Judas would have been there to see. Judas was there when Jesus fed the 5,000. He probably helped him do it. Judas was there when Jesus gave his Sermon on the Mount. Judas was there when Jesus raised people from the dead, and yet, despite all that,

for whatever reason that we don't understand, Judas did not. Follow Jesus. You see, so much of parenting is a mystery. It is a spiritual battle. And so parents, you just need to understand that good parenting is not going to save your child. Only Jesus saves kids. Only Jesus saves your three-year-old. Only Jesus saves your teenager. Only Jesus can save your adult child. You see, parents guide. God governs the heart. Would you bow your heads with me? As we close, I'm just gonna ask you to do three things. They're very simple. I'm gonna ask you to repent, release, and respond. Right there where you are with your head bowed, I just wanna give you a moment to repent of the things that you need to repent of. Maybe it's not rightly prioritizing your own spiritual health. Maybe it's not rightly prioritizing the church or the family with your calendar. Some of you need to repent of how you have treated your own parents. Maybe you need to call them later and ask them for forgiveness. Where do you need to repent? Second thing I'm gonna ask you to do is to release.

Release to the Lord the things that belong to the Lord. This includes your child's salvation. This includes unknowns about your child's health, unknowns about your child's future. Maybe it's your desire to have children. I'm gonna ask you to release those things to the Lord. And finally, in just a moment, we're gonna stand and sing together. And as always, at all of our campuses, our elders and prayer team will be down front. And I'm gonna ask you to come forward to pray for your kids, to pray for your grandkids. The altar is open. Coming forward just symbolizes I am doing my best to get it right. And so some of you need to come forward because you don't have the capacity to think about parenting because your marriage is in a difficult spot. Some of you feel anxious about the unknowns for your future with your kids, with your grandkids. Maybe you've got a big decision to make. I'm gonna invite you to come forward to pray about it. Maybe you need to pray about how the Lord might want to grow your family through foster care or adoption. Some of you feel burdened by the unbelieving brother in your family, the unbelieving sister, the unbelieving parent. And I'm gonna invite you to come forward to pray for them.

Some of you, your kids are flourishing. They're doing well. And you may need to come forward and just tell the Lord, thank you, Lord. Please continue to bless them. And then others of you in a new way, you need to commit to praying for your child's salvation. You see, God is the creator of all, but he is only father to some. And so I'm inviting you to come forward to pray that your kids will be adopted into God's family. Father, I pray for all the parents in this room. I pray for all those who will be parents and those who desire to be parents. I'm reminded this morning of just how much we need you. We need your mercy. We need wisdom from you. We need energy. We need you to help us to lead ourselves well. Lord, we need you to intervene in our lives and in the lives of our kids. And so I ask that you would do it. Would you help us in all these things, I pray. In Jesus' name, amen. I wanna invite you to stand at all of our campuses and come forward.