Beyond the Super Bowl: CJ Wilson on Identity, Loss, and True Purpose

You won't tell them what that was like. You were at Maori and things, if you don't know anything, things are rough at Maori. Tell me about your experience there. - Oh man, it was beautiful. You know, a lot of the inmates came and I can't tell her I've got her name, but she's sharing a phenomenal job. And we just went there and told upstairs to Jesus with him. And if you got saved, and it was just great. And that's what it's all about. - Well, it has been a joy. We've been to Dallas together, and Coral's been so kind to share him, and my husband's been kind to share me. And we're able to go, and I have to apologize. When we were in, wherever we were, Dallas, I rented the smallest car 'cause I'm a little cheap. Sometimes the team gets after me, and it couldn't hardly fit in it. He was like rotting, and I meant to put that picture up, 'cause it's so funny, 'cause he's kinda curled in there, and we had like a four hour drop, I think, going up the Texarkana, but we had so much fun. And tonight, I'm excited for you to hear the hope that he has in him. When sometimes that hope is challenged, and you were challenged on the field, you were knocked down as a line-minute ECU. But even before that, you were knocked down

a little bit in school. When it came to having finances, you know what it's like to have a dirt floor. So you had that poverty. When it didn't seem like that other people had all this hope, but you didn't have any hope. And I'm just so thankful that you're gonna share a little bit about your story. You just take your time, you do what God wants to do through you, and I love you. - I'm gonna put my time with her. She said that now, but she's very strictly on time. She don't play with her time, tell you. - You haven't even seen that. - Oh, yeah, I see it, okay. - So make sure that you get our magazine before you leave with Julie on the cover. She spoke last night because he hasn't even seen it yet. He has a spread in there, and it talks about getting in the game with God. Get off the sidelines, get in the game with God, and it talks about his career with the Minnesota Vikings. Is that right? No. - Green Bay Packers. - Green Bay Packers. Okay, do do do do, rewind that. Green Bay Packers, I'm so sorry. You beat the Vikings. Beat the Vikings, stared him in the face

and took them down. Yeah, and so won the Super Bowl as rookie year, which is what your dad prayed for, and you thought your dad was crazy. Yeah, you gotta ring to prove it. All right, I'm outta here. - Thank you, thank you Mr. Christie. What a wonderful soul she is. I thank God for her. Thank God for having me tonight. I, you know, like she said, I was invited to speak last year at a banquet. And she said, come speak to the banquet. I said, all right, I'll do it. And I, when I got there, I was expecting it about, you know, 50 people, it was about five, six other people. And I was like, oh my gosh, you tricked me. And so, and they had Mr. Strawberry, he was in front, he was the keynote speaker and he asked me to open up for him. And I'm like, this guy's, you know, they was telling me how big he was. I ain't never really followed, you know, a lot of sports, but, and I got up by just getting my testimony. And then at the end, Mr. Christie asked me, come go to prison with me. And I was like, all right, I'll do it. And I was so excited, but she don't know. Since, when that day I say yes, oh my God, that's when the devil just been fighting me hard.

When you say yes to Christ, you better get ready for war, you know, it ain't gonna be easy to say yes to Christ. All people say, come get your lines of God. That's when you go through your thing. That's when you don't go through something. So when you say yes, you better get ready. So I thank you because she asked me to speak. And I came from Bill Haven, a small town, 45 minutes east of here. I said 45, that's how long it take me. Most people hour, I had a family of eight siblings. I was nine of us, same parents, you know, you gotta say that eight days. Two parents, a loving parents, in poverty, you know, she said it, you know, it was, you know, I like to tell a story because when I slept this, my head was this way, when I looked to my left, I saw feet, because another side was ahead, you know. So one brother, I was this way, my brother slept that way, the other brother slept that way. And underneath was some more of us. And so that's how we grew up. But we didn't have much, but we had everything because we had Christ Jesus. And that's what it's all about. It's not about materialistic things, it's about Christ. And so I went and played at Northside High School and got a chance to play at East Carolina. I don't know if y'all know who East Carolina is, but it's a college right around the corner from here.

And when I got there, you know, I got there and we started winning. And I actually was on a team that won two championships back to back. Give me a clap, give me a hand clap with that. Yeah, yeah, I should be clapping about that, you know. We went back to back our champions and then I actually got drafted to the Green Bay Packers I said, "My dad, I went crazy." 'Cause it ain't as hard to win the Super Bowl, but I went to a team and we won the Super Bowl. My first year. (audience applauds) Yeah, I had a chance, and I had a chance to sack Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers. Yeah, I got him, got him, you know. I said, "Lord, before I get out of the NFL, let me get Aaron Rodgers." (audience laughs) So we had to play, and he took off right now. This is my chance. I ran 4-speed and I caught him. And when he got out, he was like, "See, see, see, see, see?" And I said, "Yeah, you gotta be makin' up." And so I had a chance to do some great things, hit Brett Farber, I don't know what y'all know what that is, but I can't chance to hit him. And play seven seasons. I got a chance to travel and see England and go and play in front of a lot of people.

And my phone never stopped ringing. Never stopped ringing. My phone stayed ringing. I mean, the time I got up in the morning, I had about 50 text messages. And yes, I'm not lying. We love you. You're doing great things. I need some money. (audience laughs) I had a dream last night that, you know, that I was supposed to open up this business, but I need your money to do it. I saw you on TV. I got all kind of text messages, and now I just get up and I read 'em and I just smile and I keep goin' about the day. And then, you know, the thing about life is that one day it all went silent. No more. It was all silent. It was over. There was no more fans cheering, you know? No more stadiums. No more applause. He was over. Now what? What do you do? Man, that was a hard time of my life. And I heard people talk about depression,

but it's really real. Depression is real. And I went through a season of depression, loneliness. And I thought about suicide. I had to be honest. I never thought I would say that, but I was like, man, I can see how people, I personally do it to themselves. When you just feel so lonely and so hurt and so empty in the inside, you know? And I, all the times I heard like the young man was singing his grandfather was singing those different hymns and that stuff. Sometimes you don't wanna hear that. I don't wanna hear them hymns right now. I'm hurtin' right now. I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna feel this no more. I don't wanna feel this pain. Why do I gotta wake up tomorrow and go through the same pain of loneliness and hurt? You know, and sometimes it's not just football. Sometimes it could be a love when you lost. Sometimes it can be a career or a relationship. You know, different things in our lives that we go through on a daily basis and it hurts us. And sometimes that moment, you know, it makes me think of this, I don't know if it's a song, but I know it was this picture and it was a picture of my mother's, she had in the bathroom about this person

and they died and went to heaven. They said, they was lookin' back with their life and they said footprints in the sand. And they said, when things was goin' right, Jesus walked with him and he saw two sets of footprints. And he said, when I look back over the times in my life when it was the hardest, I only saw one sets of footsteps. He said, God, what happened? Why was only one set then when things get rough? And that's when Jesus said, that's when I had to pick you up and carry you. And that's why I felt that time when I was goin' through. Whenever you're goin' through right now, Jesus will carry you. And you just gotta hang in there and just fight through it. And so, when she asked me to talk tonight, I started thinking, what could I say to be inspiring? What could I say to be a blessing? And the word that came to my mind was identity. And I wanna talk about that because y'all see me as an NFL player and a Super Bowl winner and all the good stuff. And I did it. But when it was over, that's when I found out who I really was, you know? And that's the thing that, hold on, give me a second. 'Cause I've often get my notes, you know? And that's when I realized who I was.

And I asked myself, who am I? And I was livin' my mom's house in the back. She cooked me some oatmeal and eggs in the morning. And that was a bad time in my life. It was terrible. And I just asked the guy, who am I now? What am I gonna do in my life? All I know was football. [BLANK_AUDIO] That's what God was allowing me to change. He was changing me. He was taking me to a different direction. And Lord, let me know, before you play football, who was you did? You know, you ain't always played football, what was your name? And God, I didn't know what I was, his. I was a child of God. They said, when you was playing, who was you? And I was a child of God. And now that it is over, who are you? So I'm a child of God. So football was never, my identity, it was just something I did. And God allowed me to do that, to get to where I'm doing right now, to talk to you about it. And so it wasn't me, but NFL play was a child of God. And my value wasn't determined about how many people that knew my name and cheered for me. That wasn't the value. It was Jesus. And there's a scripture that says,

it's like Corinthians 5 and 17 says, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, new creation. And notice it didn't say, if you were successful, and you had a lot of money, it says, if anyone-- it doesn't say if anybody had a great career, it says, if anybody never failed, or made mistakes, it says, if anyone is in Christ, he's in new creation. And that's the foundation. It's not what you accomplish. It's not how much money you got, because we can't take it. And if I would die tomorrow, I can't take it with me. I can't get to heaven by the good, my good works. I have to get through through Christ. And so the biggest lesson I learned when I was playing is that one day, the applause will stop. It'll be over. And when you perform it, they'll celebrate you. When I used to be at East Carolina, they'll say, yeah, it's a girl, man. And NFL, they say, oh, we love you. And as soon as you're done, it's another guy. And that you'll throw you this side like you with nothing. And eventually, the game's in. Crowd go home, the lights turn off, got to walk into a locker room, adventure to a new life. But God isn't old. He ain't done what you get. And that's why I love my God. His love, he never fails us, and I love that song. He never fails us.

And one thing about it is that if you feel like you lost something today and you feel like you have no hope, that's hope in Christ, if you trust God and you turn to Him, He will lead you and He will direct your path and give you what He wants you to do. He could take what you feel like is ending your life and turn it to a new beginning. And he could redirect everything in your life. It's a journey. And I remember praying, God helped me. Now what do I do? And I got into coaching at North Pitt High School. And boy, let me tell you, I don't know if y'all know I know Pitt, it was rough. And when I went there, I got a call and said, we want you to coach at North Pitt High School. And I was excited. I don't know much about this area. I grew up in Bell Haven. So when I got there, I was looking for great things, but it wasn't. But I realized that God sent me back to my roots. Being from the bottom, He sent me back to the bottom. Over at North Pitt, and it's been a journey. And one of my coaches here tonight, he had to tell you that my first year there, I had about four or five of my players that had the ankle monitors on. And they would be on the field running around ankle monitors. We had about two or three felons on the team.

And every year I had invited some of my coaches, different coaches that come coach with me. And great men of God, and I've seen a difference. And I remember, just speaking fast from the story, one year I was like, coach, am I doing anything? Am I really affecting these guys? He said, coach, look around. The night before our game, the other night we had, the guys didn't have a Bible study on your own. Didn't have a Bible study on your own. [APPLAUSE] I mean, if you know the history, you wouldn't know that that's almost a miracle in itself. They see them and they have a Bible study and talking about a God, read the scriptures together. That's a miracle. And I'll tell you what, and so my first year, it was probably we had one guy to graduate and go and do some of his life. But last year we had, out of, I think, 14, we had 12 guys to go to college and do something in their life. And so it's a-- and I found that the most joy now, what I'm doing now, that I've ever had playing football. Your ladder will be greater than before, the past. And so sometimes you think what you're doing now is what you-- are you happy about it? But God got something better for you sometimes. And so that's what I'm going through right now. And as I met, Ms. Cree--

And I remember, I was going in, I know I've been in the prison before, so I've seen things on TV and how it was, but let me tell you, these guys are rough. And my mom is crazy. They look rough and she told me one time, I was like, "Hey, Chrissy, why you do this?" And she told me her story, she said, 'cause they are the forgotten. They the forgotten ones, and it made me realize that, wow, that's the truth. And I've been a church all my life, and I think about this all the time, I've been a church all my life in Miss Chrissy went up there, and she can sing too. I don't know if you ever heard the sing, but she was singing, and I see these killers crying. These bad people we all see, 'cause they in it for something, but they cry, and they cry, and they praise in God, and she says, "Is there anybody want to give their life to Christ today?" And the first time in my life, I've been in the church all my life, I saw about 20, 25 people, and it just brings tears of my eyes and say, "Wow, all my life, I just never got to see that, but one time that many people come to Christ, and I started thinking, God, I thank you, because I thought what I was doing before

made me somebody, made me feel like I was doing, but this is what it is all about. And so serving others, you know? (audience applauding) The NFL was serving myself. I gotta say, it was serving me. I love playing football for the money and doing it for my family, but this is actually, you know, what I'm doing there is serving others, and that's what it's all about. And I will leave you with this, is that whether you are feeling like you was a great employee or you had a great job or you lost a loved one, you were successful, you feel like you lost it all, you feel like you feel, you made mistakes, you know? Some people feel like they made a mistake and they can't get through the mistake. Just know that God knew you before it. And that He's with you. If you give your life to Christ and you just ask God to redirect your life, He'll be with you, with you to the end. And that's all I wanna live you with. That's all I have to say. That's great. (audience applauds) - I wanna say something real quick. So thank you, Lord, 'cause I thought of it and then I forgot it by the time I got to that step.

In that article, "Get in the Game," you talk about being in the NFL and you didn't get to play the first couple of games, but you had a shiny, shiny Green Bay Packers tracksuit. And you looked from the sidelines and you said, "I get paid to stay here." And I don't have to look stupid and I don't have to get out there on national television and make a mistake. And I don't have to get hit hard by Brett Farb, all these people. I can stand right here for the rest of my NFL years and get paid to wear this tracksuit. And I just thought about how much you would have missed because the Super Bowl was won because you were on the field with that team. How much are we missing because we're wearing our shiny jumpsuits? We've got salvations, but we're not in the game. And because you said yes to go to North Pit and because you're still saying yes 'cause you told me it's hard. You got to have the team walking out, you got all this stuff going on because you said yes, one person who says, I don't even know what I'm doing in here. I'm even making a difference. You're changing generations. So you keep going and keep getting in that game.

- Thank you for watching our broadcast. Are you an incarcerated brother or sister who needs encouragement? Write to us at Victoria's Living Correspondents via Box 2751 Greenville, North Carolina, 27836. To view Victoria's Living Magazine in its entirety, please have your chat when contact us at 352-478-2098 or email us through our website at vlmag.org. We are happy to provide our Victoria's Living Magazine free of charge in bulk with or without staples. [MUSIC PLAYING]