Behind Closed Doors | Crossroads Daily

Hey, thanks for being with us. We're going to be unpacking some scripture today. I'm Chuck. I'm Kirsten. I'm Chris. I'm Alex. All right, let's get started. Today is about 1 Timothy 3, and it's really about your insides matching your outsides, or I should say it the other way. It's about your outside matching your inside, about alignment. And so here's what we're going to do. We'll start with a fun question. What is something that people would be very surprised to know about you? Maybe a place that your outside doesn't match your inside. You go first, Chuck. I'll go first. I love Downton Abbey. I love all things Downton Abbey. I've told my wife that, you know, if I get dementia someday, she has my full permission to sit me in front of a television and just let Downton Abbey series play over and over again, and I am happy to die that way. I absolutely love it. I probably watched it all the way through at least four times and I will do it again. So that's something people probably don't think about me right off the bat that I'm a big Downton Abbey fan, but I love it. I think I just learned that it was Downton Abbey and not

Downtown Abbey based on what you just said. Yeah, that would be a rookie call. I think I thought it was Downtown Abbey until this exact moment. You're not a Downton Abbey person. You're so murky. Like, she goes downtown. You said, like, that doesn't surprise me about you. Really? Okay, tell me why. Just you give, like, very British vibes, like, because it is a British show, right? It is a British show. Okay, okay. I feel like in another life, Chuck Mingo is this European sipping on some tea, being like, oh, ha ha ha, this is such a jumper day. Jolly-o! Like, there it is. That is, yes. That's why it doesn't surprise me about you. That's great. Is that what they say in Downton Abbey? Jolly-o? They don't say Jolly-o. Okay. Just making sure. We're so embarrassing. That's right. That's right. I think I, some people would, depending on who knows me, I

think I'm the biggest nerd that I know. Comic books, any franchise, Marvel, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, like, it can get bad. You're into it. It can get bad. It can get bad. I'm deep in those. What do you think about the current Marvel stance where we're at today? We don't have time. We don't have time. On these podcasters for that. We don't have time. We've got lots of time. That's right. Chris's own personal stance. It's my own. Mine is, and before I say it, I'm not going to prove it, so don't ask me to. Mine is, I love to rap, like, me personally. Okay, wait a second. I just told you. I'm not going to prove it. No, no, no, no. You've got to do it. What I really love to do is I love to take raps that already exist and rewrite them, like, for my friends. So, like, I took an Eminem song, a rap, and I rewrote it for my friend's wedding. We need a sample.

Three bars. I'm not. This is crazy. I already told you. I'm not going to, like, leave you wanting. Alex, the people are hungry for this. I can't stop thinking about this. The people, the church, you literally have the church right now hungry for this. Can't do it. Oh, my gosh. Special occasion. We'll keep working on it. We'll see if we can get that in there. So, maybe that'll be an outtake. Yes, yes, yes. That's it. That's good. Kirsten, how about you? Mine is, and I didn't know how to put words to this until I got married, and people would be like, oh, are you introverted or extroverted? And people would answer for me, like, oh, she's, like, so extroverted, like, loves people. And my husband's like, no. She is an introvert that is really good at faking being an extrovert. Like, any time that people don't see me, whenever I'm not with people, I am alone, watching TV in my bed, just like, yeah, I want to hide in a little corner. That's real.

That is surprising. Yeah. Thank you. Surprise. Oh, man. All right. Well, now we're going to ask that question again, but kind of in the spirit of Paul in 1 Timothy 3, is there a part of your life where the inside is not matching the outside, and you're just aware of it? You're recognizing it. I think mine's actually similar to your icebreaker, Kirsten. I think sometimes, because I am an extrovert, and I do get my energy from people, I feel like when I am drained or annoyed or frustrated, I do a lot to try to portray myself as that joyful, bubbly person, but it's actually, I think I can fall into the trap where it's actually fake, and that's not great. I want to be an authentic version of myself. I think I can fall into that trap of being a fake version of myself because I feel like I have to be on and happy and bubbly and stuff all the time. Yeah, it's easy to let what others think of you, then determine exactly what you, how you live your life and do. And I would say the same for me. I think I can come across, and I curated this in middle school, being like a mysterious, calm, go-with-the-flow person, but inside, pretty consistently wrecked with anxiety. And I'm working through a lot of it, but it feels like on the outside it can be very different

than what's going on on the inside. Let me press into that, if it's okay, because you used a word that I thought was interesting. You said, I curated this. So there was intentionality into putting up, what words would you put to that? Putting up a mask, or putting up a... Absolutely. I think a identity that was acceptable to people. Like this can either give me credit, or attention, or a good reputation. Like, oh, people like that I'm always calm in this way, or that I always seem stable. So like, if I don't do that, then maybe what is my value that I have to other people? So it's calming for myself, and also like, yeah, it'll give me a status of some kind. Yeah, that's so relatable. And I mean, I think about what Paul says in this chapter, where he talks about, if you're gonna be a leader in the church, you know, an elder, or an authority, or a deacon, right? Man or woman, that there needs to be a consistency in your life about who you are. And I think to the point, Chris, like, it's easy for all of us to curate. I always tell people this, like, you know, I mean, I'm a pretty public figure in our church, and you know, I always have to remind myself, people don't know me.

They know the me they see, and I hope that it's not like, you know, like, they different. But I love how Paul brings it back to look at his family. So if you really wanna know me, the people who have a disproportionate voice on, hey, is Chuck who he says he is, that's my wife and my three children, right? And I think there's something for us to take from that, that God is saying, hey, you know, the people who are closest to you, they should be seeing the fuller, Jesus-formed aspect of you. And if they're not, to Paul's point, you might not be in a place where public leadership is actually healthy or helpful for you. Yeah, but I feel like culture actually says it's the opposite in like social media world of like, no, you should be this way on your Insta, but that's not like the real version of you, and you can have the real version of you at home. And so it's almost like the opposite, where you should be like the best version of you with your friends and your family, like you're talking about. That's right. I'm struggling with this, because I mean, it's definitely, there are definitely things that internally,

I am not reflecting what's on the outward, but I genuinely, generally am a transparent person. I was thinking one of the places that I see this the most is I act really tough, and I exaggerate it. I love to be a class clown, and it comes through of being like, I'm so tough and whatever and aggressive and all the things. And kind of like what you were saying, Chris, it seems to like draw people in, because it's something that a lot of people I don't think get in a lot of their relationships. Like there's not a lot of like, no matter who I'm talking to, I will give you direct truth no matter what. But like, that's also what I see with my family. However, what that sometimes shadows over or takes, I'm struggling with my words, but it takes over is like at service this past weekend, I was looking around the room and I know stories of a lot of people that are sitting in service. I know that they're hurting in different ways. And I'm just like sobbing, thinking about like this volunteer that just lost her sister. And this guy, James, who was recently incarcerated and has been coming to service the past five weeks. And we celebrated at our church,

like the work we're doing in prisons. And I just see him wiping tears away from his face, and I'm just like, ah! And I'm like, oh, I am not tough in this moment. But it is out of like, like I don't hide that part of me either. It just is a place of my personality that I think I don't let come out as much. Does that make sense? So different way that I think I took that question. You're watching, you're listening. I think for all of us too, I think the question to maybe land this is, what would it look like to take a step toward realness? What would it look like to say, God, I wanna close the gap between my public and my private? Yeah, so anybody have any practical thoughts? What comes to mind when you think about taking that step? I mean, I just, because I just shared, but I think I could just be better at letting myself. side be my first reaction and that empathetic side because I have said for years like I'm just not empathetic. It's just not something that I am and that's fine. But actually I am in those moments like in a dark room. So I think I could definitely just when I think I'm going to walk in a room and I'm just going to make jokes and be the funny guy or the tough guy, which I'm a woman, however I use guy in every room and just let that soft side like lead into that room instead of the other side that I think is more of like a protection of myself because the vulnerable empathetic side is very like you can get hurt in that place. So or like get things thrown onto you, other people's burdens that also is very heavy.

And that's probably why I don't lead into rooms that way because that sounds like a lot of work, but a lot of good work. So yeah, I think for me it's probably just sharing more of what is going on in my personal life and knowing that there's usually like a connection point that I would never even think of with someone when you're sharing where you're at authentically and vulnerably like I'm a mom. And so when I talk to someone else who's a mom and it's not all like, and then I pray with my child every night before we go to bed, it's more like bedtime was a disaster last night. And then the other mom's like, yeah, me too. So it's not this like, like you were saying, it's not like the perception that I'm putting on of like, oh, let's talk about how amazing of a mom we should be, but like sharing like the real authentic stuff of how it sucks sometimes. But in every area, like that's just one example, I think is a way that like privately putting that out word more publicly is actually a way that we can connect with other people more. And I think that's glorifying to God. It is. Yeah, absolutely. It absolutely is. Yeah. I mean, if I were to kind of tie that together, it's like, hey, be honest with yourself first and foremost, like just name those places where there's a disconnect and then be honest with God and others like God wants to meet us there. And I think to your point, we find grace when we actually step in with the fullness of who we are. We actually find out people like us, people who receive us just as we are. Yes. So step into that today.