6 Principles to Build a Happy, Holy, and Lasting Marriage Pt 2

Take out your notes, we're continuing our series from this day forward, and we're gonna talk about how to build really long, lasting marriages, and we're talking about principles that really help you have a biblical marriage, to move forward in what God has for you. If you missed last week, I started the series off with this idea of six principles. You can write it down, six principles to build a happy, holy, and lasting marriage. I gave you three of the principles in week one. I'll continue it this week, giving you the last three principles, but let me just tell you, you can have a happy, holy, and lasting marriage. I don't know how difficult it is right now in your marriage, but if you apply these biblical principles, you can build something that can truly last, and actually be enjoyable for you to be in. Here's what I told you in week one, I want you to get it, is that lasting relationships aren't built on perfection. It's not like you got it all together, but they are built on godly principles. If you get the principles right, the rest of it will follow. I talked about the food pyramid in week one, and talked about how we all have health issues because we grew up thinking that, man, the foundation of our food diet needs to be lots and lots of bread, because that's what we were taught. We realized, wait, that was all wrong. The same thing when it comes to relationships.

It's that if you get the foundation correct, you can build a healthy, happy marriage. I talked in week one about the first three principles, talked about having a Christ-centered marriage, making sure Jesus is at the center of everything that you're doing. We talked about fighting fair, that you're not fighting for victory, you're fighting for unity. It's a massive game changer to keep the unity of the marriage, and then lastly, we talked about being intentional, and I hope you apply those date night questions, and put a vacation on the calendar, and I'm telling you, it will help your marriage last. We're gonna continue diving into it today, but I want you to turn in your Bibles to Genesis chapter two, to just lay a foundation of what marriage is, so we understand the biblical principles of marriage. The Bible says, the Lord God said to him, talking about to Adam, it's not good for man to be alone, so we understand that God creates us for community, for connection with one another, and the ultimate connection, he says, I'm gonna make a helper suitable for him. So we know the story, that God, out of Adam, created Eve, and this is the very first marriage that God designed at the very beginning. The Bible says in verse 24, this is why a man leaves his father and his mother,

and is united with his wife, and they become one flesh. Say one flesh. This is biblical marriage, one man and one woman coming together, being united in one flesh. It's a supernatural thing, and it says, and Adam and his wife were both naked and felt no shame. That you can be totally vulnerable, totally transparent with each other, and truly live the life that God has called you to live. This is God's design from the very beginning, and what God has designed, man cannot redefine. So marriage is not what the courts say, marriage is not what culture says, marriage is what God says, and it's one man and one woman united together for life. Can I hear a good amen today, church? So because that is, we wanna make sure we build it right. So let's get into principle number four today, to building a happy, healthy, holy marriage. Number four, you can write it down, but you gotta talk about it. You gotta talk about it. Your relationship will rise and fall on one thing, and that is communication. Most marriages don't fall apart because it's one catastrophic blow up. They die through a thousand moments of silence, miscommunication, and words that wound each other. It's like death by a thousand cuts. And this is the reality,

that if you don't learn how to talk to one another, you can't have a healthy marriage. So I know some of y'all are listening to this right now, and you're going, we do this so good, and that's because you're the only one that talks in the relationship. He hasn't said a word in three months, and you think communication is awesome. Just because you talk doesn't mean there's actually communication. There's other couples, they're like, well, our communication's great. We send funny Instagram reels to each other all day long. That's not communication. So you gotta learn how to have healthy communication. They say, people will tell us, they go, well, the number one cause of divorce is, and they'll put in some kind of issue. Like, the number one cause of divorce is money. The number one cause of divorce is sex. The number one cause of divorce is the in-laws or work schedules. The reality is, is none of that's true. The number one cause of divorce. all stems from one thing. It's people don't know how to talk about it. They don't know how to talk about money. They don't know how to talk about sex. They don't know how to talk about the in-laws. They don't know how to talk about work.

And if you can learn how to talk about it, you can learn how to work through it. Proverbs 16 says the heart of the wise makes their mouths prudent, means their mouth is wise. It is smart. And their lips promote instruction. You know what this means? It means that they're able to communicate in a way that leads to life. It promotes instruction. So it directs their life. So you have to learn how to talk about it. So how do we talk about it? Here's the reality is that communication in marriage requires three things. Number one, it requires safety. So to have a healthy communication in your marriage is it's gotta be a safe place. It's gotta be a place that you know you can talk about things without things in the path being brought up. You can talk about things without name calling happening. You can talk about things where they're not gonna blow up because you bring it up. Communication is necessary for a marriage to thrive and that's gotta be a safe place for you to talk. Some of you have stopped talking in your marriage because it stopped being a safe place. You used to confide with them and now they go to somebody else and tell you what's going on.

It lost its safety. That's why Paul says don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth. Like when you're talking, you gotta be careful what you say. But only what is helpful. What is helpful for building others up according to their needs. Like it's not about what's best for you. You ever had that conversation where I just had to get it off my chest and then they leave like devastated. Like that's not a healthy relationship. You gotta create safety. Here's your second one. You gotta have also a place of honesty. So it's not just safety, it's also honesty. So we're not brushing issues under the rug. We're not just expecting time to heal it. You hear couples all the time. They're just like, it'll be fine. We'll get over it. No, no, you gotta be vulnerable. Honest, you have to get honest with each one another. The Bible says the words of the reckless pierce like swords. Like reckless conversation. But then there's a tongue of the wise that brings healing. How do we get healing? We bring it to light.

We bring honesty up. We bring up issues that we don't wanna talk about but we know it needs to be talked about. That's where healing comes in the relationship. You can write it down because you cannot be genuinely close to someone that you cannot be genuinely honest with. So if you want the relationship to thrive in intimacy, you gotta learn how to thrive in honesty. And that gets vulnerable with one another. I'm telling you what's going on in my life. I'm letting you know what's happening. It creates communication. The third thing is simply consistency. So look at this list. So you wanna have communication in the relationship. It's gotta be a safe place. It's gotta be an honest place. And it's gotta be a consistent place. So it's not like, oh, we talk once a month. No, no, no, you gotta have more communication than that. That's why I said last week, you have those daily touch points, those daily interactions where we're connecting with one another. And this takes work. It takes work. Proverbs 20, the purposes of a person's heart are deep waters. I've been married for almost 16 years.

The more I'm married, the longer I'm married, the more I realize my wife's heart, it's a deep water. I can't figure it out. And if you think you figured it out, you are deceived, my brother. I'm telling you, it's a deep water. It takes insight. One who's insight draws it out. So we gotta work on learning more about each other, learning how to communicate, learning how to talk, because if you don't talk about it, you can't resolve it. Let me just say this to help all of our couples out in here today. Your spouse can't fix an issue with themselves if they don't know about it. And you go, well, they should know about it. We're not all that self-aware. So I think if some of you, and let me just help my brothers out in here today, because some of you, you're like, well, he should know. He doesn't, he doesn't. He's not thinking about it. So sometimes we have to be honest with one another and address the issue in the room and address the issue in the conversation so we can bring it to light. Like, stop letting us try to read your mind. We don't know what you're thinking. We don't know what you're going through. And if I think I've read my wife's mind right, it's not.

It's always off. So you gotta learn to communicate it. Verbally, talk about it. Because if there's an issue on your mind, you gotta bring it to the surface. And every couple's gonna have issues that you need to talk about. And if you're not talking as a couple, you're not growing. You're not growing. I love. meeting with couples in pre-marriage, and they're like, tell me what are y'all working through right now? Oh, we have nothing to work through. Well, give me a few months. Come back in six months. You will have stuff to work through. I promise you, because there's always stuff to work through. I'll tell you, I had a moment the other day just where the flesh gets involved. You know, we're all human, and I was on a trip. I was out speaking somewhere across the nation somewhere, and I flew back, and when I flew back, I texted Katie, I said, I think I could get on an earlier flight. I'm gonna have to run to this gate. I can't wait. I'm gonna get home. I wanna be home, and she was so amazing. She sent a bunch of hearts and a bunch of excited emojis, and I'm like, oh man, this is gonna be a good night.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm excited to get home. So I get home. I rush, rush, rush to the house. I get there, and then as soon as I drive up, all my kids run out. You know, my kids are at a fun age, and they run out to the car to see me. Ah, it's been 24 hours. We missed you. You know, I'm all excited, and then the dog. The dog is more excited than anybody. Dogs look at me, and they're all excited. So then I finally had this moment. I'm like, where's your mom? Where's your mom? Oh, she's in her room, and I'm like, she's in her room. She should be here. So I walk into the room, and she, you could tell. Like, if you've been married any amount of time, you can tell when it's just not a good time, and I walk into the room, and I'm like, hey, I'm here. She's like, oh, good to see you, and then she goes back to, like, her phone, and I'm telling you, that's fighting terms right there. I'm sitting there. I'm telling you, that spirit of offense came over me, and I'm like, well, you know, I rushed home to be here. Well, we're glad you're here. Hey, can you help with the kids?

We're gonna throw down. So I just know, I'm like, but I've been married for long enough to know that you need to talk about it, but sometimes you don't need to talk about it right away, because the right conversation at the wrong time ain't gonna work out well for you. So I let it go for a little bit, but how many know, if you don't talk about it, it grows in your mind, and then you start thinking crazy thoughts. Well, I shouldn't have gone home. I don't even wanna be here anyway. It's just, I don't know why. You know, it's just like, you get all crazy in your mind, and it's until you talk about it. So the next morning, you know, Katie and I had this moment. We're doing our devotions. It's the next morning, and we're sitting there on the couch, and I said, hey, I just wanna talk about last night. And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry about that. And you know what, it was a terrible day, and those kids, I'm like, I know. No offense. And so, love them so much. But people have bad days, and it's bizarre. The enemy plays with my mind, but as soon as I talk to my spouse, boom, now we can get back to unity. We can get back to unity. And so, I'm like, I don't know what it is you're avoiding in your life.

Start talking about it. It'll help the relationship grow. Number five, which brings us to this next one, which is forgive immediately. You've gotta learn how to talk about things, and then eventually, move past them. Move past them. Forgive. Get these things out of your heart, and stop holding on to them. Because how many know, there's nobody that brings you greater joy than your spouse? But there's also that nobody that can hurt you like your spouse. And if you're in marriage for any amount of time, that person is going to hurt you. The person you love the most, write it down in your notes, is also the person that can hurt you the most. And if that is the case, then the person you're gonna have to forgive the most is your spouse. And you have to be intentional to saying, I'm gonna forgive quickly the person who I love so much, but if I don't forgive quickly, it compounds on itself. And the more I walk around with that unforgiveness and that bitterness because she didn't greet me, or he didn't do this, or she responded this way, and what happens is it compounds, and it becomes a weight that gets heavier and heavier and heavier, and eventually,

listen to me, across all of our campuses, eventually it's sucked the joy out of your marriage. Because you lived in such a way that you're now holding their sins against them, which is not what the Lord has done to you. So let's talk about forgiveness for just a second. Because I do think this is a crucial thing that'll help bring healing, and it's foundational in a healthy marriage. Forgiveness, write it down in your notes, is a directive from God. It's not a good idea. It's a God directive. Like he has told us, we are called to forgive people. And that's not just your enemies, it's also your spouse. The Bible says you get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander, among every form of malice, and then it says, says like this, be kind and compassionate one towards another. By the way, there's a direct correlation by how kind and compassionate you are with how much you've forgiven each other. Because if you're holding something against them, you will stop being kind and compassionate because your heart gets hard. So he says be kind and compassionate one another, forgiving each other, and here's our standard, just as Christ God forgave you. So we don't forgive based on what culture says

or the girls in your book club said, I can't believe he said that to you. I would never let him get away with that. Be careful who you're getting advice from because I think we're living way too cultural than we are scriptural. So we're way too like, well, this is what they told me on TikTok I do, instead of what is God's word said about marriage? What does God's word say about people that hurt us? He says, forgive, release it. And here's what forgiveness is, ready? Forgiveness is also a decision to move on. So it's not now, oh, you did that thing to me, great. Now I have ammunition for our next argument. We wonder why so many people are in destructive patterns because you maybe not have done it physically, some of you have, you've made a notes app. Just so, let me just remember this so that when we get in an argument, I can make sure they know exactly what they've done. And we wonder why our marriage is unhealthy. We wonder why we're not able to grow in intimacy and love for one another. Why we're not kind and compassionate, why? Because we've kept the record. First Corinthians 13, you know, that's the love chapter. It says love does not dishonor others. It does not, it's not self-seeking. It's not what I can get out of it.

It's not easily angered. It keeps no records of wrongs, no record. So you don't keep bringing it up. You don't keep sitting there and going, well, I just want you to know this is what, this is who you are and this is your pattern. No, no, no, we're gonna live with a clean slate. So when Katie and I are on that couch the next morning, now I'm just as angry as can be. You ever have those moments, this is why it's always good to try to resolve before you go to bed, I couldn't do it, I was so angry. But the next morning, we're sitting there and as soon as I talk about it, she apologizes. I said, oh man, I shouldn't have made it a big deal. It's not a big deal. And then as soon as we do, I make a decision. Okay, we're removing it. Other than sermon content, this won't be brought up again. Only on this stage. That's funny right there, I didn't think about that until the service. Probably shouldn't have brought it up. But you gotta, I'm trying to teach her a lesson. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But there's something about like, have that clean slate, have that moment. Aren't you grateful that God does not keep our record of wrongs?

Aren't you grateful that he has forgiven us as far as the East is from the West? Aren't you grateful that every time you make a mistake, God doesn't go, well, there you are again. Remember, you're this, you're your past. If you think of your past, I just want you to know, it wasn't God that brought it up, it's the devil. Because God's not remembering your past. He's not remembering your mistakes. They're under the blood of Jesus. You are forgiven, you are made right with God. You have been given a clean slate. And he looks at us through the lens of the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. Isn't that good news, church? And that same standard is what we're called to have for our spouse. That we look at them at forgiven, made right with God, and we're not holding their sins against them. It's a decision to move on. Number three, and here is a game changer for your marriage. It's a principle that will change your life. Ready? Forgiveness is to be done within a day. All right, this principle is a game changer for your marriage. Because some of y'all, it just takes way too long. All right, so let's just poll the audience, okay? All right, so let's have some fun here. How many of those, if there's an issue,

you wanna talk about it like right away? I mean, let's say, I mean, even the way you raised your hands was fast. We're talking about it right now. All right, so some of y'all are like that. You're like me, you're very aggressive, okay? So you're a little pushy, and underlined, they call that controlling. Okay, so that's that issue. All right, so then there's another group of people, and you like to process, and maybe just sweep it under the rug a little bit, but you wanna put it off for a little bit. Where are you at? Come on, hands up. Yeah, you're normally the wiser group, okay? That's my wife. My wife just likes to process, likes to give us some time. So we have the two extremes of us. And what we've decided in this is, what's the biblical principle? Is the biblical principle immediately, or if it's let it process? And the answer is both. Here's the reality. The Bible actually tells us how quick we have to resolve it. Look what it says. Do not let the sun go down while you're still angry. Holding that offense, bitter. So you got that issue. He says, don't let the sun go down.

Now, I used to read this literally as like that night. So it's like, don't go to bed angry. You've probably heard that phrase. Like, just don't get to bed angry. But that's not actually the biblical principle. Because I'd heard that early days, and I'd go two or three days without sleeping, going, okay, that's fine. I'm just gonna be mad. All right? So let me tell you what it means. What it means is, if you look at it based on the Jewish calendar, it's actually a visual. It's a visual going, don't let one day end and another day start holding that same thing. So he says, don't let it go down on that. Don't let a day go by while you're still angry. Because here's why. Because you'll give the devil a foothold. What he's saying is, he's giving us a biblical principle here that if you let it last longer than a day, it will grow in your mind bigger than it should be, and you'll have a hard time getting past it. So the biblical principle is that God gave us a timeline, an unresolved offense, and it's one day. So if you get mad at your spouse, set a timer for 24 hours

and realize you do not have a biblical right to be holding onto this 24 hours from now. So if you need time to process it, process it away. For me, it was that one night. I was angry, but I also knew that she was not in the right mood to talk about this. This is not, so I've learned in 50 years, I don't push my way in this, but I'm gonna let it go. And I let it go about eight hours. Next morning, we had this conversation. Resolved, boom, we were able to move into the next day. What I don't want is to sit there and let it compound in my mind and grow in my mind, and what happens is then the devil gets a foothold, and what he does is now he starts to divide the marriage, and when he gets you divided, he's already got you half beat. Learn to resolve it and resolve it quickly. Have that moment. And if you go up to them, they go, I'm just so mad. Okay, well, we've still got four hours and 52 minutes left. So we can come back in a few hours, but we're gonna resolve this in a day because we're not gonna give the devil a foothold in this marriage. Can I hear a good amen today across Tampa Bay? Ruth Bell Graham says it this way. She's the wife of the former amazing evangelist, Billy Graham, she said it this way. A marriage, a happy marriage

is a union of two good forgivers. So it's both parties making a decision that we are going to live as forgivers, laying down our ability to be right, working through issues, and watch how God will do something great in and through your marriage when you do that. Can I just look at the camera and say this? I feel just stirred by the Spirit of God. Some of you, it's been a big offense. Maybe it was trust that was lost. Maybe it was something that happened with children, with your kids, or something, just something threw the marriage off, and you've said you've gotten over it, but you haven't gotten over it. Can I just give you a word from the Lord today? Bring it to the Lord, release it. If you need to talk about it with your spouse, talk about it with your spouse, but it's time to move on. I don't know who this is for, but I really feel that. I'm gonna share this with any other service. I wanna just look right at that screen and say, it's time to move on. It's time to stop holding their sins against them because you can have a healthy marriage if you'll move past that offense. And God has something for you in your future.

Can I hear a good amen today, church? Amen. All right, by the way, we have people getting baptized in all of our campuses today, so can we release those who are getting baptized, and can we just celebrate them as they go and get ready in all of our campuses? Come on, Radiant Church. Oh, I'm so proud of you guys. So proud of you guys. I got one more principle for you. Let's put it up there on the screen. Number six. Number six is that you don't quit. All right, I'm gonna leave this up there for just a second because I want you to remember the six principles that will change your life for a lasting holy marriage. Maybe some of you need to take a picture of them. Put it as your screensaver on your phone because I'm telling you, make it a point that you have a Christ-centered marriage. You're fighting. So you're not fighting for victory, you're fighting for unity. You're intentional, you're on that date night, you're getting on that vacation together, you're talking about your issues, you're not sweeping them under a rug. You're forgiving immediately, you're making a point. I'm giving it 24 hours, but I ain't getting mad past the 24 hours, I'm moving past it. And lastly is, I'm making a commitment in this marriage to not quit. I'm gonna do my part to be in a lasting, holy marriage for life.

I'm not gonna quit this thing. No one starts a marriage with the intentions of quitting. Nobody starts a marathon with the intentions of quitting. Nobody starts a diet with the intentions of two hours later of quitting, but we all do. Let me just tell you, the only way you're gonna make this is that you get determined in your mind, I'm gonna do my part to stay in this thing for life. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 13, here's what love does, love always protects. This is an action verb, by the way, for love. It's the responsibility of the person. I'm always gonna protect this relationship, I'm gonna always trust, I'm gonna always hope, I'm always gonna persevere. We're in a bad spot, we're in a difficult season, we haven't been talking about it, but I'm gonna do my part, I'm gonna always do my part, and love never fails. And a healthy marriage is somebody that makes up their mind to say, even if they don't do their part, I'm gonna do my part, because I'm in this thing for life. I'm not going to give up. God did not design marriage to be disposable. He designed it as a place for two people to come together, and as we sacrificially love one another, we are better together than we would be apart. Now we understand our world is broken. We understand that people make horrific choices. God has made it clear that there are multiple reasons that give you an out in a marriage. Abuse, adultery, these are clearly throughout Scriptures, throughout the Scripture, a way for you to have a God-honoring way out of a marriage. Those should be the exception, not the rule. Obviously, if you're in an abusive relationship, God would never want you to stay in that. If you're in a situation where they have committed adultery, while it is an out, we pray, and we believe that God can even restore what is absolutely broken. But for every other situation, can I just challenge you? Make a commitment today, from this day forward, that the marriage that God has put me in,

that I will make it a happy and holy marriage, because I'm gonna do it based on biblical principles, not what the world says. I'm gonna build it on something that'll actually survive the storms of life and the tough seasons of life, and I know many people today are carrying a lot of pain in the marriage. There's been a breakdown of communication, there's been a loss of trust, and I just want you to know, hear this before I close this message, your marriage can be strong again. Your marriage can be happy again. Your marriage can walk into the greatest days possible, not because you made it happen, but because you went to a God who heals, and a God that restores, and a God that has biblical principles that can turn all things around. God can make it happen in your life. He can make it happen in your life. How do we do it? Let me just show you this last verse, and then we're gonna be done. Ready? I like this in Ephesians chapter four, chapter five. One of my favorite passages in all the scripture, I'll tell you why in a second, but it's got this beautiful imagery of a healthy marriage. He says, so the church submits to Christ, so we submit to God, so also our wives are supposed to submit to the husband, and I know this is like a controversial thing, but I'll show you why. In the biblical marriage, the wife comes under submission to the husband. I'm submitted to this relationship, so it's not what I want, it's what's best for the relationship, and everything. And then look at the responsibility of the husband. Now husbands love your wives. That's an action verb. That is, I'm gonna do my part, just as Christ loved the church. We always think in this weird society, we're like, men are sitting there going, man, we get to rule this thing, and the wife submits to us.

Do you see the analogy? Wives submit just like the church submits to Christ. Christ died for his wife, the bride of Christ. Husbands, we lay down our lives for our wives just as Christ loved the church. And look what we do for her. And he gave himself up for her to do what? To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing of the water through the word and to present her to himself as a what? That's why it's my favorite verse. But this is biblical marriage. The biblical model is not what the world has to offer that says go out for whatever is best for yourself. The biblical model is submission to one another, loving one another with a life laid down and as we empty ourselves and as we submit to the call of God we're able to be washed and the relationship is purified and made holy and now we'll be able to present it to the world as a beautiful radiant relationship. Why? Because now we are doing it as the model of Christ is to the church so are we to our spouse. Don't give up on this thing. Your marriage is the greatest testimony to a lost and broken world that if God can do something great in your marriage he can do something great in their life also. I'm telling you it's worth it to fight for this thing. So let's do this. Across Tampa Bay, all those who are watching online I just want you to close your eyes. If you're sitting next to your spouse and I know there's many that are single in here, gone through painful divorces, we're gonna pray for you in just a second too. But if you're sitting next to your spouse in the room today I just want you to grab their hand. I want you to hold it real quick. We're gonna do something I have never done before at Radiant. You're gonna make a commitment to the covenant of marriage right here. You're sitting next to that spouse. This isn't like oh I got a new girlfriend that's cool. This is a person that you've made a covenant of marriage with and if you say I'm not quitting this thing I'm in it for life, I just want you to squeeze their hand. Just squeeze it. Some of you this is the most healing thing right now because some of you have not had communication. It's been a broken spot. Some of you just need that reassurance. No I'm in this thing for life. Squeeze it right there. Lord I pray over the marriages of Radiant

Church. I pray over the couples that are here today that want to build their marriage in a God-honoring way. I pray that you would protect them. I pray that Christ you would be the center of everything they do. That you would lead them and guide them and I pray that as they truly are committed to each other laying down their life for each other that you would do something significant in and through their life. I pray for those who are single in the room. If you're single in here and you want to get married one day just put a hand right over your heart. Lord I pray for the singles of Radiant Church. Lord I pray that you would protect their heart. I pray that you would guide them and lead them. Protect them from the wrong relationship and bring them into the right God-honoring one. Lord for those who have been through painful divorce and heartache. Lord those things are so difficult. I pray that you would heal them so that we can walk into what you have for us next in a God-honoring way. In Jesus name we pray.