Your Hidden Superpower (Ed& Lisa Young, David Nasser)

Hospitality to me, I think we have reduced it to a soft skill, but it's really spiritual warfare. The expectation in scripture is that if you're a believer, you're going to exercise hospitality. Fellowship is when, like, birds of a feather flock together. Hospitality is when one of these things is not like the other. Hospitality is actually the love for the stranger. So hospitality so often looks like, what can we bend on? Not against theology or, like, conviction. What can we bend on in a way to serve people? On social media, you're rewarded by hostility. In a world that's just very versed at hostility, how much more can people come to our churches and experience hospitality? And it doesn't mean we're condoning their behavior or their sin. It just means that we're compassionate. We're there at the table with them going, I don't belong here either. So we don't have the spirit of superiority over hospitable. We're just a bunch of people who don't belong, but somehow get invited to a table. And now we see other people that way and go. There's room here for you. - Today we have with us a great friend of mine. This guy is so talented. It's amazing what God's done in his life. I'm talking about none other than, he's everywhere. He's global David Nasser. David, he's great to have you.

And also I might better have Lisa Young. We've been married. - Come on. - David, it'll be 45 years. - Wow. - We've been married longer than you've been alive. - You guys are such a power couple. And I'm so grateful for you. And last night at dinner, Pastor Red and I were just at dinner, he was just going on and on about you. He still hasn't gotten over you. Just so you know. - I haven't gotten over him. I haven't gotten to understand him completely either, but I'm in that grave, I was like. - I'm in history. - That's good. - I had dinner with David. It was like a therapy session Lisa. I'm serious. - No, I was. - I should have been there. - No, because he, I've never had anyone tell me the things he told me, Jess, we're just talking about leadership, never. Not him, John Maxwell. And I love John. I'm just joking. - Most of my stuff is his stuff. - He has. - I just learned from him. - Most of everybody's stuff, that's his stuff. - So, no, just about leadership. Also insights into our church and whatever. And, and David, I know you're teaching pastor in two churches right now.

- I am, yes. - Which is unbelievable. - Yeah, it's such a gift. I get, I teach once a month at New Vision Baptist in Griffithsboro, which is a suburb of Nashville area. And then I teach once a month at Thompson Station Church. And I love it. You know, I wanted to be tethered to a local church and I'm just always traveling as an evangelist and speaking at different churches. And I get to kind of belong. My wife gets to be in prison ministry at one church. We get to be on child care rotation. - I'm glad you added the word ministry. - That's right. - Because be in prison, my wife. Okay, be in prison ministry. - That's right, prison ministry. And, and so, I love belonging there and being deeply embedded. So once a month, I'm on rotation to teach at these two churches. And it's really great. So we kind of, I call it, we split the tide, we split our time, we split our, so half the year I'm locally providing and belonging. And then the other half of the year I travel and get to once in a while being incredible churches like yours. - And you consult and you do all sorts of things, David. - Yes, sir. And the consulting thing is just, you know,

you get a lot of gray hair and you've been, you've been around a long time and you want to help people. And honestly, all I consult with from is the fact that for 40 years, I've been in a lot of places as a guest. - Yes. - And so you get to be a culture vulture. You know? - Isn't that a great line? - You get to kind of like walk into this church and learn from them and walk into the, so everything I say is really rehashed. It's a, it's the greatest hits of other people's cultures. And so often people are asking about like, how do we build this or whatever? And I pull from a bank of, well, you know, I saw this church do it this way. I saw this church. So I really don't have a lot of insight from me. It's mostly what I've learned from places like yours. Like I will leave here today and I will sit on the plane flying back and I'll just get out my notes. And I'll take notes while it's fresh on my mind of things that I've learned while I've been here. - But that's the secret sauce. - Yes, sir. - You're attentive. A lot of times people walk into a restaurant,

walk into an establishment and they experience it, but they don't pay attention to it. And to me, that's what experience in learning over decades does if you pay attention. Otherwise you're just meandering through life and not - Sure. - Gleaning. - And I gotta, I gotta tell you something that I've learned from you even. - Okay. - The two of you, and I mean this is, we were sitting at a, we were at a pastor's gathering. - Yes. - And I remember walking out of a breakfast where Jennifer and I were with about five other couples at a table where the two of you were asked, there's just to speak into our lives, you know? And you're supposed to be the one giving content, but Lisa and Eddie, you asked, you are so curious. You kept asking questions. Now tell me this, now tell me this. Now tell, even the last side of dinner, I feel silly. China, you're asking me because I'm like, I came to this dinner to ask you questions. - He's a great questioner. Even like when we were dating in high school, he came to our dinner table as a kid. I was 15 years old. - I was 14.

- Yeah. - So anyway, and started asking my parents questions and I'm looking at my mom and dad going, I never knew that about you, but he asked. - So it's not just a 10 of this. I think you guys see the tiny little things. You guys see your visionaries. And so you kind of see beyond what's right in front of, you know, and the obvious, but, and so there's that perceptive, that noted details, see the finer things, a lot of people, what's hidden in plain sight, doesn't get hidden to you. That's you. But you're also on top of that, curious. So it's not just enough that you notice things. You ask, you go digging. You go deep-sea fishing, you know? You're just a fisherman. And so to hang out with the two of you, you better get ready if you hang out, like is to know that you're going to get asked a lot of questions because I think a lot of times people come to dinner or they come to hang out with, especially like you get in a pastress cohort and everybody wants to be interesting instead of interested. - Oh, wow. - Oh, that is brilliant. - And so, you know-- - We want to be interesting and not interested. - Thank you. - I love that. - Yeah, yeah.

And that's Brad Lominek, by the way, Brad Lominek, the great leader gave me that. - Oh yeah. - To Ed. - Yes. - Iron G. - Take off the iron G. - I love Brad. - Any great thing. - He's a great guy. - I've learned so much from him, yeah. - So David, talk to us though. I mean, you have so many, many great things about your life, but I know hospitality is something that causes your heart to be fast. Talk to us about hospitality. At least we can ask him, I know we're-- - I'll do it. And I know we just, three minutes. - You go, yeah, brother. - You're just curiosity. You must all be in so home. - No, you go ahead. - But I'll do it if, and this is why I ask, can Lisa be a part of this? Because to me, she has such a say when it comes, you're so gifted in it. - Yes, she is. - I love to have a conversation about hospitality, so I got some questions for you. But hospitality to me is one of the most misunderstood gifts God has given the church. - Yes. - I think we have reduced it to a soft skill. We've reduced it to a secondary side thing, and some churches, they've reduced hospitality

to their first impressions team, which is, it's that, but it's so much more than that. - Yes, it is. - But it's really spiritual warfare. I think, I like to make this, the biblical case, that the Bible is scattered, covered, and smothered in hospitality. Like go to Genesis one. - Scattered, smothered, and covered. - Bubble house. - I got a bubble house. - Bubble house theology, you know? They're like, go to Genesis one. - Yes. - Open up your Bible, and in the beginning, before there was even a beginning, the unbegan one began the beginning. Before there was creation, the uncreated one, God, creates the heavens on you. When God is creating, in Genesis one, page one of your Bible, what is God creating? He's creating a place to host. So I think the Bible begins with hospitality in mind. He creates a garden to host. Go to the end of your Bible. Go to Revelation five, where we end up, you know? And we end up every nation, every tongue, every tribe, gathered at the feet of what is heaven, but God again, hosting a bunch of people who don't deserve to be there. And so I think the Bible in beginning to end, book ended and in between.

Go to Jesus' ministry here on earth. All the man did was eat his way through the New Testament. - That's right. - And all he did was go to meal to meal to meal. As a matter of fact, I like to make the case that what put him on a cross more than anything else was that he would show hospitality to people that the religious didn't want him showing hospitality to you. They're mostly mad at him for like, you're gonna be seen with her. You're gonna hang out with her at the well. You're gonna go to this guy's house. You're gonna self-invite yourself to this tax collector's. They were constantly mad at him for being hospitable. - Wow. - And so the Bible is covered and it's not even a suggestion hospitality. It is a command. The expectation in scripture is that if you're a believer, you're gonna exercise hospitality. It doesn't give you hospitality as a suggestion. It's just, again, the expectation is you as a believer are going to figure out ways that you're gonna be hospitable to people. Some people sometimes say, you have the gift of hospitality. Sometimes people come into our home and experience what my wife is like cooking and the feeling around their home

and they're like, "Oh, that's hospitality." And I know what they mean, but the truth is that's fine because some people are more versed at it, they're more gifted than others. But the truth is when you got saved, when I got saved, we were given the gift of hospitality. And so it's fine to say it as long as it doesn't become a cop-out, I'm like, "Well, you have that gift "and I don't have that gift." Well, no, when God saved you, He gave you the gift. Now, how you exercise that gifting, it might be a big fat filet mignon at your house. It might be just like, you're a little bit more dissuaded. However you exercise it, might look very different in his expression than somebody else. But God gives all of us this gift of hospitality and the definition of it as very core, by the way, is not this. Like this is hospitality. Like today I've been here, like last night I got to the hotel, I walked in my room. You had, you know, it's a lot of how did you know, like Coke zeros in my room, the snacks that I eat. I'm trying to like do a little carb right now. And I'm like, somebody has Google stocked, or has asked my assistant, like, that's in my room. Intentionality, excellence in what you do. Handwritten note by the two of you. Thanks for being here today.

We're praying for you. Those things are hospitable. They're healing, they're hospital, hospitality. However, ultimately, if you back up a little bit, that's not even hospitality. Like you on a Saturday night saying, let's eat dinner last night. Taking time out of your busy schedule to do that. The way you've been warming to me here, your team, everything. Ultimately, this is fellowship. Fellowship is when like birds of a feather flock together. Hospitality is when one of these things is not like the other. Hospitality is actually love for the stranger. So hospitality is if Justin Baldoni invites Blake Lively to another movie you would make. If Drake invites Kendrick Lamar to collab with him on an album, if the ladies on the view, honor President Trump and invite him to be an honored guest at their anniversary. Like, that's hospitality. That's when you love someone who's not like you. If when the red hats and the Republicans, they decide there's something bigger going on, then we can have differentiated views on things. But those are secondary. The main thing is we're forged together with something greater. So hospitality is actually loving the stranger. Right?

It's Philadelphia, Phylos. And then brotherly, brotherly, and then Zenos, love. So it's brotherly love for the one who's yet to be our brother yet. And so I think it's the church's greatest weapon in spiritual warfare. Not fighting us against them but us for them on how do we show hospitality. And by the way, no church has figured out how to do that. I think if you look at the trajectory of fellowship, better than you guys. You guys have used creativity. You're such an evangelistic church, you know, because you're constantly thinking about people who have yet to come to the kingdom of God. So how do we feel inviting to them? How do we feel warm to them? How do we not give up our convictions and our theology while at the same time being a welcoming place for somebody who, 'cause I'm finally going to try church for the first time. So can you take me back? Like how has that has always been a part of your DNA? How has that been? Where did it come from? I believe that God uses your experiences. You, in fact, preach today about that. Beautifully. Beautifully about your past. It doesn't define you, but it refines you.

And I've learned from my past, and I think you grew up in a home too, that was very driven toward warmth and very driven, yes to that environment, but also inclusive to people who were different. And I look back on the years of fellowship, and I remember one in particular, we were meeting in a rented facility, which we did for eight years. This was our smallest venue, it was an office complex. Maybe we had 300 people showing up at the time, and the town that we were in right outside of Dallas, this gentleman saw our parkers out in the parking lot. He was just driving by on the main highway, main road, and goes, "What's going on over there?" Well, Ed and I did not know this gentleman, but he was notorious in the city, where we were having church, and he was notorious for a lot of different things, not all good things. I think he kind of slowed down, and the parker's just kind of waiting for me. And he's like, "Oh, well, let's go." Yeah. And so it was he and his wife. Wow. But when he came on to the property, people started saying, "Oh, that's, ooh," and they said his name, his name was Bill. That's Bill, that's, yeah, that's Bill.

You know Bill, can you believe he's here? Amen. And that people don't do the pushback, do the come to. Come on. We want you to come sit, feel welcome. We got a seat at the table. And was Bill different than the other people in that room? Oh, yeah. He was different until he wasn't. Yeah. And he did give his life to Christ eventually. Right. But I think of that one particular story, and there's many more to that. But it's about creating an environment where you're training people to have that attitude, because not everybody has that attitude. For Bill's story, it wasn't the sermon. Wow, this guy's such a great-- He's a master class communicator. Or, man, this couple, this pastor, and his wife was so put together. It was a parking-- An orange vest. It was an orange vest that said, go that way. And that got his attention. Yeah. Got his attention. Yeah. David, I have a funny story. Dr. Phil was a member of our church. And we put him in the parking crew one Sunday I drive up. And here's Dr. Phil.

Is that funny? It's funny. And he did a great job. But when Dr. Phil came to the church, he wasn't-- He wasn't Dr. Phil at the time. Sure. He was-- Obviously, brilliant guy. Before we move off of it. We grew up in a family that was always thinking about-- Oh, yes. Oh, David. You're thinking about the invisible person at the table who's not there yet? David. David, her family, her mom and dad were the most hospitable people, like ridiculous. They didn't have-- people think, well, man, our house is not big enough. They didn't have a big house? Yeah. No. They didn't have a lot of money. That's right. But they just leveraged what they had. I'm a recipient of it. Yeah. And we gave this to David with my family. There was an investment, like Ed said, and we didn't have a lot of money or whatever, but we were so rich. Yeah. I remember being in our house, and my dad came in and he goes, I was-- he had been at the hardware store, which was just up the street, and a man and his family were headed

to Florida for a funeral, a family funeral, and their car had broken down. Wow. And it was a Saturday, they couldn't get anybody to fix it. Well, my dad was-- he was kind of one of these handymen. He had a barn in the backyard and did work and whatever. Well, he had a barn car. That's what we called it. Yeah. It was an old L.T. A drill barn-- Yeah. For L.T. Sitting there. But he used it to pull his trailer and everything. Yeah. So it's just there. And he came in, and he goes, I need you to follow me up to the hardware store. And he gave that car to the family who needed to get the idea. Wow. How old were you when that happened? Probably a sophomore in high school. Yeah. And the family brought the car back. Sure. My dad had their car fixed while they went to Florida for the funeral, brought the car back and then had the car. Those were kind of people they wore, right? Yeah. That was just how I grew up. Yeah.

So that kind of stuff where it's been modeled for you, it's just deeply embedded in your DNA. Exactly. You saw the-- you saw the-- how it played out. Like you said, it doesn't have to be bougie. It can be potato chips by the lake. People just sometimes think, I can't be hospitable because I don't have spine, silverware. Your parents just did what they could with the people in front of them. And by the way, they made room at the table for people. Not having any clue that one day you'd be the curator of a mega church and you'd have conferences where you're teaching other people how to do it. Early stock bought into you as a young person. See, that's God. That's paid out of that, isn't it? God takes things that we see as so insignificant. That's where calm. Yeah, calm. And he uses it and he can take the tiniest and make it the biggest. But one of the things we mentioned earlier is questions, asking questions. How do you find people's needs? How do you know where they are with the Lord? If you don't start with a question or just something to get the conversation going. Well, you're the greatest that is in the world. But that's the introduction to hospitality. 100%. It's not only having an environment to welcome people, but it's the question that personal contact that brings them in. And I have to work on that because I'm a natural introvert. I don't just love engaging. But I've learned to and also I've learned that you know what, why am I here?

Jesus has me here to engage people. Yeah. So it's not even just a comfort thing. It's an obedience. Sure. Well, extroverts. You guys right here. I know. We're better. We're more naturally prone at the wow, but you're more naturally prone because you're at the warm. but you have warmth. Sometimes we've been to places where the excellence is there, the details are there, all these things, but you just actually feel like you don't belong. You're like, I'm afraid to break anything. - Right, right, right. - Whereas you, as an introvert, are actually picking up on, you know, you're kind of-- - Those cues. - And you actually are more bent. We need you together to do it. Tell me, so how do you begin, you're so natural at Impester Road, but how do you foster that curiosity and so like if you're at dinner with a new member or somebody who's been visiting. - I feel like when I ask a question, I'm taking a trip inside their brain. - Okay. - I feel truly--

- Yeah. - I love asking questions because I'm learning and not only am I learning, I'm literally putting myself in your shoes. - Right. - So I'm putting myself in your context. - Yeah. - And I would rather ask questions. I mean, I enjoy reading books and stuff, but I would rather ask questions because questions are more organic. - Sure. - And I believe most people, David, are two or three questions away from a breakthrough in just basic conversation. If you can get to that point, now some will put the guard up and maybe I can read the guard. Sometimes I try to smash the bar down, but yeah, questions-- - I find it interesting. - I find it interesting. - Three questions that when we're talking to certain people, number one would be where have you been? - Okay. - In other words, tell me about your past. What have you experienced in life and all of the history, so to speak? Where are you now?

- Yeah. - And what are you doing? Maybe somebody's shown up at your church and it's like, okay, they're here. How do you get them to tell you how they arrived here without them saying or probing uncomfortably? I guess that would be the thing. So where have you been, where are you now? And then as a Christ follower? - Yeah. - Where are you going? - Yeah. - Because that's the goal is for us to direct their future into a relationship with Christ. - Part of my questions would be this, David, like you, I have been around a lot of celebrities, let's call them Christian celebrities. - Employees and affluence, yeah. - And dad pastored this massive church. And I remember as a young kid observing these people and most talked about themselves the entire time. I mean, I'm talking about popular people. Christian, you know, whatever. And I thought, they never ask me anything. They never ask dad or mom anything. I never want to be that person. So that's part of it too. - Sure. - I mean, you know, our favorite subject, my favorite subject is me, but I want to,

I want to shut up and go, man, this person is a genius in a certain area that I'm not. So I want to, but part of that, I know that kind of sounds negative. - No, I just find it so interesting, though. - People just, and pastors were the worst. We, you know, oh my gosh, we want to talk about it. - I think it's across the board though. And so when people walk into fellowship churchless, if they've come on their own, 'cause there's two different ways around this. Number one is people just show up, and then you engage in conversations. The other one is when you're out in your day-to-day activities in your life, and you're meeting people, and how to get them to show up. But let's just go to where people show up at fellowship church. Our goal is for them to come in and feel at home. When you feel at home, then it's more likely that it will become your home. And so getting them, you know, acquainted with, here's the bookstore. This is where you can grab a cup of coffee. - That's right, that's right. - Here's the worship center. And my daughter taught me a line, 'cause after being here for 35 years, I mean, there's a lot of people that come and go, some come every six months, some come every week.

- Sure, we talked about that last night. - There's some that come twice a year. And on big holidays or whatever, people will come in, and you want to say, hey, I'm Lisa. Well, then they look at you and they'll go, well, I've been coming here for 35 years. So you should know who I am. But my daughter taught me a line. She said, mom, just say, hey, do you know where you're headed? And then you know, oh, they've been here before, or and I don't look at the pool. - Can I walk you too? - Yeah, can I walk you too? - Yeah, can I walk you too? - Child care, can I walk to check in? - Can I walk you to the coffee? - Or me. But just to give them that feeling of comfort and also to inquire, to get to know them, because you only have a certain amount of time. The time somebody walks in the door to the time that they sit in the worship service to be able to get to know them. And also, I don't want to be the cog in the wheel. - I want to be able to pass them off to someone who they're close, have a close kind of familiarity with. Like for example, if it's a young family, another young family.

- But I hope it's not lost on someone watching or listening. That two great communicators and a preacher just said a little while ago, most people are not three sermons away from coming to Christ. Or three questions or... So you're actually posturing the great evangelism tools. - Yes, it's questions, man. - It is curiosity and actually wanting to... Tell me about yourself. - Yes. - Hey, will you let me into your journey? Like tell me your path. - And there's what are you doing. - What are you doing? - What are you doing? - What are we going? What can we go together? - One of the things that I ask, - That's great. - And hey, do you live nearby? - Yeah. - And then I know whether they're visiting from out of town, maybe they're visiting a family here, whether they're planning on moving close by. You can ask another question, like have you ever been a part of fellowship before? Have you... - That's right. - Are you a part of any church?

And then you start getting to see, and we're very, I don't know, honed in on, our goal is not just to have another person in the church, it's to have them become full court followers of Christ. - Absolutely. - If they're not saved, if they don't know who the Lord, it's to get to know them personally so that we can introduce them to Jesus' personal. So we have a very specific reason. - I mean, yes, we want to know about people, but that's our goal, unapologetically. - David, do you know a real quick question? Would you agree with that? In other words, some of the people that you know, especially the high capacity people, would you say they have a tendency to talk about themselves and not ask questions, or would you say no, Ed? - Yeah. - A lot of them do. I mean, some do, but I'm saying, would you say the majority pretty much just talk about themselves or not? - I would say that you're certainly right, and that's something that occurs a lot. But I would get under that hood a little bit and say, I think a lot of times their natural muscle memory is, just about every meeting I go to, every lunch I go to, every four top golf,

18 holes I play. I'm the most interesting person in the room, or I'm called to lead that room. So their natural muscle memory is like, everywhere I go, I talk about myself, I lead the room, I talk the most, 'cause that's all they ever do. And then they come into an environment where they should actually, in evangelism, in great commission work, want to actually build, like, this isn't about me, this is about me loving someone serving them, and they've got to get off of that automatic drive. - It's a self-awareness thing. - Sure. - You have to understand, be aware of the room and aware of what you're there for. - Sure, but I don't think it's always rooted in narcissism or extreme insecurity manifesting itself of like, the me monster. - That's right. - And, but I think sometimes, now, I say this too, the other thing that plays into it is sometimes the one-upism where like, you tell a story and it's like, me too, and I mean, me better. - Experience that. - Oh, David. - But what I'm talking about. - But that one-upism is, there's an endearment to it

in the sense that like, they're trying to push the fast forward button in relationship. They're trying to incubate that relationship quicker. So two pastures, three pastures get together. And now they're all in the green room and they're just talking about like, well, you know, my church does that. No, I did this or, you know, we had this guy. Well, we know, we had him three times. Oh, we had him four times. They're one-up in each other, but it's not even trying to become, say I'm the bigger man in the room. They're actually trying to say, how fast can we get there? A friend of mine told me the other day, he said, "The most amount of cussing I hear is when pastures get together." And it's not because they cuss a lot. It's just they want to show that they're real to another pastor. And we got to get to where they're not like cussing just so they can show other pastures. I'm not super religious. (laughing) They shouldn't, by the way. I don't condone it, but- That's hilarious, baby. But the underlining thing in that is, they feel like it's lonely up here. Yes, it is lonely.

In pasture. And you get me and your wife gets what my wife gets. Yes. So I think sometimes the one-up is the hijacking, like all they talk about is themselves. It's actually rooted in like a longing to want to belong. - I think that's a nice way to say it. - It's a very nice way to say it. - Not always, but- - It's not always this case, but it can be. - It can be, yeah. I agree with that. - So then to me, it's like, okay, well, great. Look, tell me more. Tell me more, tell me more, you know? But I've never met anybody, by the way, who received authentic hospitality and wasn't better for it, you know? So it's like, they didn't, so I'm saying to you, it's never wasted. - Yes. - So I think we're called to show that, think about hospitality as a whole, and this is why they're better for it, it's reconciliation with God at the cross of Christ becomes a table. And then Jesus invites Ed Young Jr. to the table. And then by the way, you get to eat at this table, like you could never, and then he picks up the tab, he throws his credit card, the blood by the blood of Jesus. So the cross becomes a table, you get invited to it. Now all of a sudden you look around the table, and I'm at the table, and you're at the table, and in this church, 20,000 people who were a weekend or at the table.

So like all of a sudden a bunch of people, so what I'm saying to you is, now we're all at the table, and none of us deserve to be here. I'm going to rip this off. So the cross becomes a table, now we're all at the table. So it's reconciled with God, now we're all at the table, now we're reconciled with one another. Can we just get along in the sandbox and thrive, and doesn't mean we don't disagree. Because we're never disrespectful, then we're looking around at people who have yet to be at the table. So how do we get them to the table? Yes. How do we love them into the table? And when the culture, like yours, is deeply embedded, not just the pastor, or the pastor's wife who as a child saw it, got it all up in her conviction life, you know, like I saw my parents do this, and now you're giving it away, and it's a part of like your parking culture, it's a part of your check-in child care culture, it's a part of everything. You know, this is the kind of church where if it's raining on a Sunday, your people are excited. They're like, this is awesome. We're the umbrellas. We get to meet them in the parking lot. We don't even have to wait for them to come to the coffee bar. We're very blessed with a group of volunteers and staff that actually get that. Yes. But you have to work. It's pickled in your culture. Exactly. Pickled. That's good. You have to present it to them constantly and do reminders, and I don't know.

I think we have a good time with that. I do, too. What I love about it is somebody's listening to this, and they're like, "Tell us your church. I drove by it when I flew into DFW, big old church, big old budget, big old, just about everything we talked about today. Takes no budget." No. No, I know. Zero. What does it affect your budget to just be nice? That's right. Be curious. Yes. Every portal, at every person, never miss a great opportunity to shut up and listen, to walk people in. How can I help you? Where are you going? What are those costs of budget? There's a tendency now, though, for there's a little bit of a knock at the, I want to say the big church, the mega church about performance, about insincerity, about a lot of different things. There's a lot of criticism. There's a lot of hospitality like, "Oh, they give you a coffee mug, so you'll come back." We do a little VIP gift, or a, "Who needs a coffee?" There's this criticism of it, and it makes me think, "You probably don't even do that at your own home." The reason you're knocking someone else for doing it is because that's not something that's operational in your life, because we should never apologize for kindness, for generosity toward those who are giving Christ a chance.

Yeah, but Lisa, when you were young, you experienced traumatic, meaning you never got over it. Traumatic hospitality. Yes, she did. So I want to go, "Who healed you?" Hospital. Hospitality. Hospitality. Hospitality. That's right. Yeah. Who healed you? Someone who hurts you. Somewhere down the line, someone gave them something that they said was a gift, but it wasn't a gift or that. So they are, so the thing is, you can't let those people stop you from being with us. Oh, God. So I always say, "20% of the people, you are not going to do wrong by them. Anything you do, you're amazing." Right. That's right. That's right. 20%. You cannot do wrong by them. 20%. You cannot do right by them. By the way, in the 60 in the middle are the regular people. Yes. You live and die on listening to the 60 in the middle. By the way, these 20 edges, the cheers and the jeers, you can't do right.

They are the loudest. You can go all day and listen to all the people telling you how amazing you are, or you can go all day and listen to only the people that tell you how awful you are. 60% in the middle are going to tell you, "I came here. I felt at home. I felt like this wasn't a gathering. This was something different. This felt like family. This felt, you know, and I want it to belong. I want it to come back. And by the way, most people aren't even shopping a church based on a sermon. They're going on the internet. So is your website hospitable? Right. The spirit of hospitality and your website is the parking hospitable. Is the childcare check-in hospitable? Yes. To all of those things, I got to tell you the story. I'm sitting with a church. and then later on, you meet with the smaller groups, cohorts, and I found out that this one church, synonymous for their children's director, well-intended, was like such a rule keeper. And you gotta be, to some degree, because when you're checking in children, the background checks, the things that take the, you gotta run that clean. But she wasn't just running that clean, it should over-chlorinated the pool when everyone's eyes are burned.

So I could hear from her other teammates, not when she was in the room, but in consulting and other places like, man, she is such a little stickler, and it's not warm. And so many people, the cow follows the calf, meaning a lot of people choose the church they go to based on where their children feel. - That's right. - The cow follows the calf. Meaning, so I'm sitting with her, and I'm just like, hey, help me understand. She's like, other churches are sloppy with their child. And I said, look, there's the law, and then there's the spirit of the law. I thought a whole Eric little thing where the guy wouldn't run on a Saturday, chariots a fire story, but then later on on the mission field, he ran track on Saturday to reach. So like, there's the law, and then there's the spirit of the law. So she's listening, processing. A couple weeks later, family comes. They're standing in line to check their first-time visitors. They're standing in line to check their kids in. One kid is four and a half, five years old. The other one is two. First-time visitors. They go, and when you get to the place

where you give them the name, they put it in the laptop, and then they print out the stickers. The two girls, siblings, realize they're about to be separated. So standing in line, 20 people behind them, the girls start throwing a fit. So the mom is embarrassed. They're visiting, now their girls are throwing a fit and all this different stuff. Well, the children's minister sees it. She comes up and rather than saying, I'm sorry, you're nearly five-year-old and you're two-year-old or in two separate classes, we age, differentiate. She broke the rule. She broke her own rule. She said, why don't they just hang together? That's great. That family, so I meet the guy later. I'm like, tell me how you came here. He didn't talk about the sermon. He said, hey, I remember the first day. Before we even walked into the service, when that lady broke that rule, so I call it, I'm like, I'm so proud of you. Wow. Because what is she exercise? Hospitality. Yes. Does that make sense?

That's right. Oh, for sure. And so getting people permission to make decisions to where at every front, you're telling people, you're a dispenser of kindness, of goodness. You know, don't never miss a great opportunity to go overboard, to do something, you know? And she was like, well, it's just not my natural bet. I was like, yeah, but I got to take everyone so excited about the stories become legend, that you broke your own rule, because the speed limit might be 30 miles an hour right here in front of the church. But if a cop pulls me over, and I'm like, the reason I'm going 70 is because my wife's in the back. She's going through labor. Hopefully, he's not giving me a ticket. He's like, there's the spirit of the law, and now follow me. Let's go fast to get your wife to the, because then there's like the purpose of the law. So hospitality so often looks like, what can we bend on? Not again theology or like conviction. What can we bend on in a way to serve people? That's a great word. And I love that church, because their superpower is, it's now ingrained in their culture, where her greatest merit badge is not, I kept the law.

You know, I was Jean-Vauge, Jean-Vauge. I mean, Jean-Vauge, you know? But she became Jean-Vauge. She was like, okay, I got over that. And I allowed these two kids to be together for one day. All right, so yeah, I love, I love, so proud of her, you know, that story. - So good. - I like what, I love what you've said though about, 'cause I have a battle within me though. - Yeah, you're a rulekeeper? - Yeah. - He's not, I mean, when God put him in your life. - He and I just did a personality test. - Yeah, yeah, listen. - We did. - And we met with some physicians. - Yeah, they wanted us to do the personality test, which is funny because these are physical physicians. - Yeah. - But they wanted to know about our personalities and they said they had never seen two polar opposites like us. - Yeah. - And I'm aware of it, but, you know-- - Look, look, God's built a tree. - We figured it out, but I am very much of a rulekeeper, but I also have learned that what you just said about the law versus the spirit of law, but I can become a perfectionist

when it comes to hosting, having people. And I think you can deal with that as long as you're keeping your motive. - That's right. - And the purity of your motive. - That's right. - This is not about us having, we're not in a contest for the cleanest church. We're not in a contest for, I don't know, whatever. We're in a contest to populate heaven. - That's right. - And that's the spirit of our hospitality. - 100%. Yeah, instead of saying we want to be the biggest church in town, let's go. We want to be the warmest church we can be of. - That's it. - And we want to help other churches get warm too. Because the world is, in all this hostility. - Yes. - In this world, a world that rewards you. On social media, you're rewarded by hostility. Like if it bleeds it leads, right? - That's right. - In a world that's just very versed at hostility. How much more can people come to our churches and experience hospitality? And it doesn't mean we're condoning their behavior or their sin, it just means that we're compassionate. And then God will change their heart.

Again, we want them to be at the table. And we don't, we're there at the table with them going, "I don't belong here either." - That's right. - He's picking up the tab. - Yeah. - You're here? They're like, so we don't have the spirit of superiority when we're hospitable. We're just a bunch of people who don't belong, but somehow get invited to a table. And now we see other people that way and go. There's room here for you. - That's so good. - Okay, David Nestle, drop this is a big mic. You drop it, I'm gonna drop the mic. - Love you. - David, I mean, they just roll these words, word pictures. Anyway, David, thank you, my friends. - Thank you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (gentle music)