Your First Ministry

We are in a brand-new sermon collection called First Love. Everybody say, First Love. And last week, we kicked off with a reading from Revelation chapter 2. We were talking about how Jesus, from time to time, takes inventory of His house. He inspects what's really going on under the surface, not just what gets posted on the internet. But He dives deep and investigates. He says, I want to see a little bit more than you want to show, and I want to heal some places in your heart that you have been hiding. And I loved last week's message, honestly. Not just because I preached it. I just loved that passage of Scripture. I actually went back and watched my own YouTube sermon. And I don't always do that. I just felt like the Word was so rich. I'm like, God, you are speaking to me. You are speaking to our house. And I believe that this is a word for the church. Well, what I want to do today is I want to pivot just a little bit. I'm still going to talk about first love, but just from a different perspective. Because first love is not just a sanctuary thing. First love is also a living room thing. First love is not just an altar thing. First love is a kitchen table thing. First love is not just a first Friday prayer thing. First love is also a bedroom thing. God wants to get into your business. And that includes how you live on the home front. Especially how you live within the context of your covenant marriage. So today, what I'm going to do is talk about first love from the perspective of our first ministry, which is our marriage. And I see I'm not getting a whole lot of amens. You're like, all right, bro. You're going to talk about marriage today? That's what you're going to talk? Yep. We're going to talk about first love within the context of your marriage. So today, we're going to talk about our first ministry. And I'm going to read Ephesians chapter 5, not just because it is some cute wedding passage. No, this is a discipleship passage. This is an important passage. It's a maturity passage, and it's a gospel passage. So if you have your Bible, please open it up to Ephesians chapter 5. We're going to read verses 22 all the way through 33. Ephesians 22 through 33. I was telling my wife this week, I was preparing for this. And I said, you know, we always take at least a Sunday or two to talk about marriage in February, because everybody's thinking about marriage, because it's Valentine's Day. And if you forgot, men, in six days, it's Valentine's Day, okay? I'm trying to serve you and help you, because all of the good restaurants are probably already booked, okay? So you're behind the curve here. Let's hustle a little bit. But I was telling my wife, I said, you know, I don't know if I'm very good

at talking about marriage. It's not my favorite subject to study. But, you know, I love to study in general. But I realized when I said that to her, I did some soul searching. And I was like, why is that the case? Well, last week, when we were talking about the church, and how Jesus wants us to get vulnerable in prayer so that He can inspect the content of our heart, I was like, I'm really good at that. Like, I'm open before the Lord. Like, I love to be transparent before my Savior. I'm good at that. And that's why I like studying that. But sometimes what I tend to do with my marriage is what we tend to do with church and make it religious, where we confess affection, but we don't follow it up with action. You ever been in a fight with your spouse, and you're like, don't you know I love you? And they're like, yes, there's not a problem with your confession of affection. I've got a problem with your lack of action. I'm preaching already. And I realize, like, oh, I'm really good at this part. But sometimes with my marriage, I tend to do that. Like, I have a confession of affection, but I don't always allow for my theology about covenant marriage to become practical and put it into action because I'm focused on my high calling, my purpose. But that is why I want to talk to you today about your first ministry. because your first ministry is not your career. I'm gonna try this out over here. Everybody's waiting on me to read the passage so they don't think I'm teaching yet. Your first ministry is not your ambition. Your first ministry is not your hobbies. Uh-oh. But your first ministry, your first love is Jesus, but your first ministry is to your spouse. And so that's what I want to talk about today. If you're single in here, you're still gonna get something out of it. Don't worry. It's gonna help you look for the right person. Women of God, you want a man of God. Men of God, you want a woman of God. Come on. All right. Ephesians 5. When you've got it, please stand to your feet for the reading of the Word. Ephesians 5 verse 22 through 33. I'm still thinking about Amber saying I'm kind of cool. Dang. I need some help. Y'all, my bookmark in my Bible today is something I've kept. It's from my son. It's an invitation to a Mario Kart knockout tournament. It says tonight at 7 o'clock, sign up. It's in the playroom. Tickets are free. I always keep these things. Any other parents? Like, I just, I keep all these things. Because I know one day I'm not gonna have

these things. So it's a nice, it's a nice thing. Ephesians 5 verse 22 through 33. Wives. Y'all ain't gonna help me read today? All the women are like, yeah, go ahead. You better not say it too loudly. Wives, to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now look, don't be mad at me. I didn't write that. I'm just reading it. And I realize sometimes when this gets read, it's like, well, that's a matter of interpretation. Well, I would like for you to interpret the passage, of course, but I would also like for you to receive the Word of God and let it argue with you rather than you argue with it. Don't worry, we're not done. Wives. Men, we get to you. Verse 25. Husbands, as, and did what? That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. See, you have to understand, men, that the wife is a mirror. Oftentimes, the things that you don't like about her are just things you don't like about yourself. Okay, y'all not ready for that. All right. 29. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but does what? And what else? Just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. If the two gotta become one, that means at least half of you gotta die. How we doing so far? We doing all right? If you can't say amen, just say ouch. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you, his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she, her husband. That's where we get love and respect. So, the title of the message Today is what I've already mentioned your first ministry your first ministry Jesus is our first love and your spouse is your first ministry Jesus is our first love and your spouse is your first ministry

So let's talk a little bit about marriage today Lord. We say we love you. We bless you we thank you for showing us a picture of what our marriages are supposed to look like by the Relationship that you have with your bride the church, but we we thank you today for your sacrifice your surrender and your love For how you have cherished us as the church, but I pray that you would give us all a download today of what? Marriage looks like from your perspective. We receive it today with open and humble hearts in Jesus name and everybody said Amen, you can be seated our passage today starts with wives Submit to your husband's now when I first started studying this verse this week I immediately felt nervous like when you heard that that anybody else like oh boy. Here we go I'm about to hear a word on submission. I don't want to hear no words on submission Does it really mean what I think it means? probably Here's what it means in the Greek it means to obey It means to come up under It means to be subject to and I think we could all agree. That does not sound very fun. Does it? No Submit When I started studying that this week I said oh that word submit I have heard that a lot recently and that's because I have recently taken up Brazilian jujitsu and I Don't know if you know this or not about jujitsu It's kind of like when you start doing CrossFit or you go vegan. You got to talk about it. All right It's just one of those things you do. It's like you it works its way into every single conversation. Like have you heard? I'm doing jujitsu now, right? I know it's annoying but just bear with me because jujitsu is it's a it's a ground Art meaning every fight usually goes to the ground and so what jujitsu teaches you is how to grapple and how to submit

Your opponent and so when I was thinking about this, I was like, oh, I've heard that word all the time recently submit Submit because unlike the very first day when you do jujitsu they get you all in the you know You're on the map and they're like, okay white belts. You guys are brand new. We want to talk to you about something very important Are you ready? We're like, yes, sir. Let's go and they tell you submit submit quickly Submit often and submit easily. All right, you ain't got to be a tough guy. You got to submit. All right We're telling you right now submit. You don't want to get hurt submit and they're like everybody say it with me Y'all got it. And of course I say yes with my lips, but in my heart I'm like I ain't submitting to nobody If you think you're gonna get me to submit Mm-hmm. You got another thing coming. You don't know about me boy. I'm built different You got to rip my arm off before I tap out So we go through the drills, you know and then after a beginner class I decide you know what I'm ready for this I'm gonna go to the night class and I'm gonna roll with everybody, you know And in that class, they got blue belts and purple belts and brown belts and black belts It ain't just the beginner class anymore and so I'm looking around like when it's time to spar who do I spar with because I'm like one of I Think two white belts in the class and I say coach. Who do you want me to go with and they say go with her? I said her We mean her He said yeah go with her I'm like, but that's a mom I Said yeah, she's got four kids I'm like, man. Come on, man. That's kind of messed up. Why would you do that to me? You coach, you know, come on. I Got this and he's like, yeah, go ahead So, you know we line up together You get down you're fighting stance, you know, and she takes her mouthpiece out I'm like, oh dang You know cuz like she's got a I was supposed to have mouth guards. I Did I didn't know we're supposed to have mouth guards, where'd you get a mouth guard? And I'm like, okay this chick maybe I should because

careful here, you know? And she goes, don't injure me. I'm like, I don't think, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. I'm a man of God. And she was like, are you ready? I'm like, I think so. And so when you do, you know, so I'm like, all right, let's go, lady. And very quickly, I realize that I have no idea what I'm doing. Because this woman has grabbed me by the sleeve, pulled me to the ground, circled my entire body, got on my back, clipped in her feet, and put me in a sleeper chokehold. And you know, she's got me in it, but like, she's not like strangling me. She's like, and I'm like, I can get out of this. But I hear the coach, because he's over on the other side of the mat, and he says, hey, submit. I'm thinking, heck no. I ain't submitting to this woman, this mom. And so then she just applies a little more pressure. And I'm thinking to myself, I can get out of this. I'm a lot stronger than this lady. So I start kicking my legs. She just puts her leg down and then squeezes harder. And one last time, I hear the coach's voice, submit, before my whole world just starts getting real small.

Like, I'm starting to see stars at this point, because I realize the woman is cutting off my oxygen supply. So I'm like, this mom of four is about to murder me here. I guess. So I'm like, you know, tap out. She's like, great job. Messed up. So I was thinking about that this week when I was studying this word, because they tell you, you gotta submit. You gotta learn to submit. You gotta learn, learn, learn to submit. And I'm like, I don't wanna learn to submit, because to our culture in 2026, submission has nothing to do with learning. Submission has everything to do with losing, which is why when we hear this word submit, wives, you need to submit to your husbands. It's almost like you hear a preacher telling you to lose. Lose to your husband. Every single time you guys, you know, get into a conversation where somebody needs to decide what you two are about to do next, well, you better submit. Therefore, you better lose. But submission is not about losing. Submission is not about losing. Submission is about learning. It's about learning how to take on the nature

of our Savior Christ Jesus and posture our heart in such a way that we're humble, ready to come under and be obedient to those that God has asked us to yield to. And in this particular passage of Scripture, God is speaking to women that are married, and he is saying, wives, my role for you in your marriage is to take on the posture of being submitted to your husband. It does not mean losing. It means learning to become like Christ within the context of your covenant marriage. Submission is not a bad thing. It's a good time to say amen. Amen. Nor is it just a wife thing. It's actually an everybody thing. And wives, if your husband is really good at quoting this verse to you whenever it's time to make a decision, woman, you better submit to me. You can just ask him to read the verse before it. Because the verse before it is verse 21, and it says this, submitting to one another. Out of reverence for Christ. Out of reverence for Christ. So the reason why we take on the humble heart posture of being people who are submitted is because we fear God. Because we fear God. We have a deep and a profound respect

for his lordship in our lives. And so we wanna posture our hearts in the way that he has commanded us to. And so submission is not just a wife thing, it's an everybody thing, but within the context of covenant marriage, God does clarify some things about our respective roles. And the way in which that the wife is called by God to posture her heart towards her husband is in a posture of submission. And submission. Submission is not just a wife thing, it's a universal heart posture for all believers. Submission is the appropriate attitude of all Christians. And we talked about this last week and the weeks prior is that when we have the right attitudes, we're able to take the right actions that bless our marriages and bless our covenants. The right action then for all of us to take is one of submission towards one another because we fear God. Why? The reason you submit to your husbands, wives, is not because your husband tells you to. The reason you submit to your husbands is because God tells you to. Wives, the reason you submit to your husbands is not because he's worthy of your submission. The reason you submit to your husband is because God tells you to submit to your husband.

It's not going over so well. I'm not worthy of my wife's submission. I'm not that great. It's true. I'm not worthy of my wife's submission and yet Allison willingly submits to me as her husband. Now in verse 23, you'll see the role of the husband in the life of the wife and you'll see that God says that the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. Now this role is the reason for the wife's submission that the husband is called to be the head of the family and this word here, the head of, here's what it means. It means the eventual decision maker. That's what it means. The final decision maker. I can tell you guys are super uncomfortable with this. No one's saying amen anymore. We're off in another part now. Everybody's like, oh God, here we go. But this is what it means. We say this phrase all the time, not just within our family but also within our work here at the church. Problems roll uphill. So at some point, somebody's gotta make the final call and within the context of our marriage, that's me because I'm the husband, not because I'm Lyle. And that's something that we choose to submit ourselves to, the word. And Allison fears God, I fear God.

And so eventually when we come to an impasse, there's a moment when she says, okay, your job as my husband, as my covering, as my covenant partner is to make the final decision. It's your call, what do you say? And that happens from time to time but I can tell you this, it's few and far between because my job as a surrendered and submitted vessel is not to dominate this woman but to die for her. And so oftentimes it's not me saying, I'm the head of the house, let me tell you what we're about to do. It's me coming under and being submissive as well and saying, hey, I would like to listen to you first before I make a decision. I realize that my role, my responsibility is to make a great decision on behalf of the whole but I would like all the information first and I wanna hear your thoughts because oftentimes you think better than I do about situations. Is this helping you guys at all? Okay, I'm not sure. But submission is not a cuss word. Submission is a Bible word. And I wanna encourage all the wives in here, take on the truth. Don't argue with the truth, let the truth argue with you. Receive it. I know it may sound crazy.

I realize it may not fit into our cultural boxes these days but God's ways are higher than our ways. And don't worry, I'm gonna get to the men in a minute. But what submission is all about is it's about a wife choosing. Everybody say choosing. Because you gotta make a deliberate choice, women of God. Choosing to honor her husband and his leadership and then use your strength to help him carry it out. I'm gonna use my strength to help my husband be who God has called him to be. Are you with me? So with that being said, just real quick, let me give you six things that submission is not because I just wanna clarify really quick as we talk about submission. Let me give you six things that submission is not. Number one is this, submission is not agreeing on everything. Okay, me and Allison don't agree on a lot of things, most things. We can't, honestly, Allison and I, we can't even watch TV together because we don't, we are the exact opposite. She only. She wants to watch things that are like really light and funny or romantic or shows that are short because she's like, that's all my attention can handle, but I wanna watch long, four-hour documentaries that are deeply inspiring or violent,

you know, and because I wanna feel something. And she's like, dude, I wanna watch, I don't wanna feel nothing. So like, we can't even watch, we don't even agree on the same shows. Like, we decide we're gonna watch a movie after dinner, and then we spend 45 minutes just thumbing through Netflix. We're like, let's just go to bed. Wives, you can be submissive, but refuse to adopt what your husband wants you to believe, especially if it conflicts with allegiance to Jesus. And you should. All right, number two, submission is not leaving your brain at the altar. Your wife, men of God, is not some mindless mechanism. No, she is also an image bearer and an independent thinker, and you should listen to her. Sometimes the best plan that you're gonna hear is gonna come from the woman you share your bed with. I realize that sometimes she's the last person that you wanna listen to. Uh-oh. Men will call everybody, except ask their wives for advice. And oftentimes, she's the one that's gonna give you the best counsel, because she knows your life better than you do sometimes. I'm trying to help somebody today. Number three is this, submission is not avoiding the effort

to influence or change the husband. Now, I realize this right here is very controversial, but if you look at 1 Peter chapter three, you'll see it says, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. That means that a wife's responsibility is to push honorably and with humility, but push their husbands into purpose. You're the biggest cheerleader. Hey, come on, God's called you to great things. Let's go, you can do it. Let me pray over you before you leave the house. Are you with me? Or is this, did we go too traditional? Is this like, all right, you all right? You'll be blessed if you'll yield to God's word. Number four, submission is not putting the will of the husband before the will of Jesus. Jesus is Lord, period. So wherever there's a direct conflict, obedience to Jesus has gotta come first, but refusal should be expressed with a humble and honoring demeanor, not contempt. Number five, submission is not getting all spiritual strength through the husband either. You know, oh, I only get spiritual strength from you. No, get spiritual strength from God.

Get spiritual strength from the church. Get spiritual strength from your friends. Lastly, number six, submission is not acting in fear. Submission is not supposed to be fear-based. It's supposed to be fearless, knowing I can trust the connection that God has blessed us with. I don't have to approach my husband in fear, wondering if he'll hear me out. No, submission is supposed to be fearless, filled with courage, not control. So, wives, you good? My wife said amen, so I'm good. So what about the men? Husbands, I want to share with you a secret today, so write this down. I wanna share with you a secret to getting your wife to submit to you. Everyone's like, go ahead. I'm just gonna quote a scripture, verse 25. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church, and check this out, and gave himself up for her. Men of God, here's what I can tell you. She ain't gonna have a problem submitting to you so long as you don't have a problem sacrificing for her. In fact, she wants to. She wants you to lead. She wants you to be a leader. She wants you to be fearless. She wants you to step into your God-given purpose.

She wants you to operate in faith. The same way men get excited whenever a pastor reads this verse, wives, be subject to your husbands. Women get excited when they hear this one. Husbands, love your wives. You know why? Because far too many women in the church are love-starved. And it's sad, and you can see it in their eyes. I can see it in their eyes as a pastor when I talk to couples, men and women. You can see it. It's like, you're not honored at home. You're literally scared of this man that you're married to. to, and that's not God's design. God knows what we need, and he shows us how to do our first ministry. He tells us right there in verse 33 that men need respect, and he shows us as well in verse 33 that women need love. Husbands, the love that God requires of you to show your wife is this, devotion unto death. I know you got happy a minute ago when I told your wife that she needed to submit to you, but I want you to rejoice with the same fervor when I tell you you are called to die. She ain't gonna have a problem submitting to you if she knows you are willing to die for her. I will sacrifice for you, I will surrender to God for you, I will do whatever necessary to ensure

that my life is easier than yours. Men, if you want a good job description for marriage, it's this, make sure you suffer more than she does. My job is to suffer more than her, and Jesus endured so much suffering for the church, didn't he? I know we think about the cross, I know we think about the end, I know we think about when he dies, but what about everything else he did? What about getting whipped? What about the crown of thorns? What about being exposed, naked, and ashamed, hung up high and stretched out wide? What about everything that he had to suffer before his death? I know we think about the death, but sometimes it looks like death, it be like that sometimes. All the husbands said amen. Because you wanna be in charge, okay, be in charge. It's the tip of the spear that faces the most resistance. You wanna be in charge, be in charge. It's impossible to be cutting edge and not bleed. You wanna be in charge, be in charge. Go first, go first. And you think, oh, well, yeah, I am gonna go first when it's time to make a decision. Go first in sacrifice. Go first in repentance.

Go first in apology. Does your wife always gotta come and say, I'm sorry? You go first. Oh, it's quiet now, it's quiet now. You wanna be first, be first. Be first. That's what first ministry looks like. And this is what first ministry is. It's not treating our jobs like that's our first ministry and then coming home and giving our wives our leftovers. Treating our hobbies as our first ministries and then coming home and giving our children our leftovers. The light that shines the furthest shines the brightest at home. And when I preach to pastors, I tell them this. If I wanna know what kind of man of God you are, just gotta talk to your kids. Because they'll tell you the truth. You ask an eight-year-old, they're gonna tell you the truth. It's one of the great things about kids, but also one of the scary things about kids because you don't ever know what they're gonna say. My assignment as a husband is not to rule my wife. That's not my assignment. My assignment is to ensure that she suffers less than I do. My assignment is to lay down my life for this woman so that she's able to flourish. Biblical headship, according to the definition

of the scripture, is not domination. Biblical headship is death. Be like Jesus. What did Jesus do? He died for the one he loved. We've gotta reckon with these ideas of headship. It doesn't mean I always get my way, but it does mean that I go first in taking responsibility. It does mean that I go first in protecting the family and protecting her heart. Jesus doesn't lead the church by demanding. Jesus leads the church by dying. And that's what husbands are called to do. In verse 28 and 29, it says this, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves the wife, loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but check this out. He does what? Nourishes and cherishes. That right there would be the name of two women's conferences. Right, Nourish 2026. That ain't ever gonna be the name of an event, a men's prayer breakfast. Maybe that, we're gonna nourish. Buffet. Cherish. That is a woman's event, right? Now, when I read this verse of scripture,

I already know how you're responding, men. Because like it's like you hear those words nourish and cherish and you're like Yuck That's some rom-com words right there. Isn't it? Those are two words that men don't ever use Baby, I just want to nourish your soul Crazy You know Hey men write it in the card this Saturday. I cherish you Promise you it's gonna bless her. You hear the collective. Oh Hey writer a card and don't use chat GPT, how about that? Oh Dang dang, we know it's chat. We see them em dashes. You don't do that You know what nourish means it means to build up That you nourish a child, you know, you build them up God calls us men to nourish our wives meaning our job is to build them up But you know why we don't build them up because we tear them down with our words That's why so many men don't don't actually nourish their wives because we're not speaking words of life If anything we're speaking words of death and that's not the way that it's supposed to be for a godly husband Our job is to make the home Emotionally safe The wife is allowed to have feelings Without us berating and tearing her down because she has them. God did not make her like us Cherish means to handle what care when you cherish something. It means it's it's like Cherishing a gift and need I remind you fellas your wife is not your employee She is God's gift to you. I I Knew the women would help me with this part We are called to honor our wives and so it's important that we speak with honor dr. Frank Damasio Passed away last year. He used to say something to me all the time. That was so good. I've never forgotten it He said when you speak use a grace tone, you know, it's not always about what you say

It's how you say it. So even if you're giving feedback or you're telling your wife Hey, I've got to make a decision and this is what we're going to do use the right tone Because your goal sir cannot be control Your goal must be care a Wife wants to know that her heart is safe With her husband and if every time she opens it up you start speaking death in a tone of aggression Well, she's not gonna have the safety and the willingness to open herself up to be honest and vulnerable with the one Man aside from Christ Jesus that she should be able to Jesus is our first love but our spouse is our first ministry. I've noticed this that last week I talked about first love is that whenever first love is is Drifting the first relationship that it affects is the first ministry When we get out of alignment with Jesus when we're not praying when we're not fasting when we're not in the word We're not coming to church. Then it starts affecting It starts affecting this ministry our first ministry and when people tell me and and as a pastor, you know people will Ring me up from time to time and we'll talk about their marriages and they say things like well, we just we grew apart You know, we just we grew apart and I hear it that may feel valid But what you've done is you've stopped returning to your first ministry. You've stopped returning to first love You've stopped repairing you're you're you're bent on being right rather than righteous and You're using your words to tear down when we should be posturing our heart with humility so that we can nourish and build up We've stopped repenting We've stopped repenting you really think you're right a hundred percent of the time you really think that We've stopped repenting You know repentance is the byproduct of the fear of the Lord I Don't think I'm right all the time You know, I was I didn't have this in my notes and I mentioned it in the first service and I just thought it Be worth mentioning again, you know I can never remember a time where Allison and I have been like extremely disconnected and I've preached and

The reason for that is because when I know that she and I are not right. I Always make an effort to make it right before I come to this pulpit. For me, it's because I fear God. And I know in the New Testament, it says that if you don't want your prayers hindered, get it right with your wives. That's what it says. If you don't want your prayers hindered, get it right with your wives. And so Allison can tell you, there's been a couple of times where I'm getting, we're worshiping over there, and I know we drove to church mad at each other. Now, I know you guys think we're super holy, and we obviously never fight, but. Jokes. You know, but there have been times where we're standing next to each other in worship, and I'm like, we're disconnected. And she could tell you, like, there's been moments where I'm like, hey, I need to tell you, I'm sorry. I repent. Please forgive me. I can't go up. I can't go up to handle the word of God, knowing we're not right. I can't do that. That's not right.

I don't know who I'm talking to in here, but men of God, some of y'all need to make the first move and make it right. You wanna be in charge, be in charge. You wanna go first, be first. You wanna be the head of the house? Show us what headship looks like. I know it's uncomfortable. Jesus suffered, and he said, this is what it looks like to enter into the covenant of marriage. Men, you're gonna suffer. From that standpoint, it would be better to be the wife. I know the women are like, submit. I don't wanna submit. I mean, not this service. Obviously, everybody in here is very righteous, but like, I don't wanna submit. That's the better, that's the easier thing. Submit. God calls the husband to die. So let's return to our first ministry today. The way that you do that is returning to three things. You return to honor, you return to pursuit, and you return to spiritual leadership. Men, I know you need respect. Women, I know you need love, but here's the thing. Respect and love are not rewards for good behavior. Respect and love are responsibilities. You are called by God, wives, to show respect to your husbands.

Not because he's deserving of respect, because God commanded you to respect him. Amen? Men, you're called by God to love your wives, even if you don't think she's worthy of love. You're called by God, commanded by God to love this woman. So return to honor. It doesn't mean that you never address issues. It means you address issues like a Christian. With humility, with courage, and with clean words. The second thing is return to pursuit. I think the saddest thing that happens in marriage is when pursuit turns into maintenance. And you used to plan. You don't plan no more. You used to initiate, you don't initiate any more. You used to talk, you used to flirt, you used to date, you don't do that anymore because life is far too full. And now you start treating the person you're supposed to respect, or the person you're supposed to love like they are a roommate. And I can't tell you how many times as a pastor I have heard that a man will call me and say, we are just not what we used to be. And I say, man, I'm so sorry to hear that. Yeah, I'm living with this woman, and she's like my roommate. Your roommate? Yeah, just like my neighbor next door.

And I say, well, you know, the Bible says you're supposed to love your neighbor. So you gotta love your roommate. That's what the Bible says. No, no, pastor, you don't get it. You don't, yeah, you don't really understand. Yeah, she's my, but she's like a stranger. I don't even know this woman anymore. The Bible says, called to love the stranger. Pastor, I knew you were gonna say that, but listen. You're not hearing me. This woman. She's not only like a neighbor to me or a stranger. This woman is like my enemy! You should hear the way that she talks to me! This woman is like my enemy! And you already know where I'm going with this. So the Bible says Christians are supposed to love their enemies. So I realize you're putting together a catalog of excuses not to be obedient to God, but none of them are valid. You're called. You're commanded. This is a covenant that you've taken before God and your friends. I have officiated enough weddings. I remember the vows. Until death do you part, for rich or for poor, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish. I've done it like a thousand times and I can't tell you how many phone calls that I've had like that over the last, I don't know, 20 years. And the last thing that I always encourage couples in is remember spiritual leadership. This right here has got a lot of marriage advice and I know we neglect it and overlook it and don't want to think about it because, you know, talking about marriage is not as spiritually deep as talking about the prophetic. But how many charismatic people do I know that are highly anointed and end up divorced? You think that's God's plan for your future? Absolutely not. We can't just focus on

first love and then neglect first ministry. This is important. Husbands, God says wash your wife with the Word. Speak life over that woman. Speak Scripture over that woman. Pray and prophesy over that woman. Pray for your wife. Pray for her by name. Pray for her in person. Lay hands on her. And I don't just mean romantically. Pray for her. Wives, don't compete with your husbands. Complete them by encouraging them and blessing them and cheering them on and championing them. And don't shoot them down every time they talk about something that God's spoken to them to do. Be their biggest cheerleader. At the end of the day, Christ is Lord. Jesus is the one who's in charge. And if we will have the heart posture that He's called us all to have, which is one of submission and surrender, then there's no reason in the world why Legacy Nashville cannot become a divorce free zone. Amen? If you're not married in here, I hope that this helped you, at least in what to look for. It'd be awesome if I just had all the single people stand like, hey. Church is a great place to meet your spouse. Much better than the bar. And if you're thinking, well, I know I'd rather meet her at the bar. You ain't got the right frame of mind, bro. I know Christian men. I am one. And I was once single in my mid-twenties. And I have a colorful testimony. You want a woman of God. That's all I'm telling you. But if you are married, I just want to ask you while we're closing, would you take your spouse by the hand? I want to pray for you guys. And while you've got your spouse by the hand, just close your eyes. I want to ask you a question. Have you drifted in affection? I realize this might be really awkward right now, because maybe you guys need to have a conversation. But have you drifted in affection? Maybe you've been faithful in activity, but cold in love. Wives, you're doing the wife thing. You're grocery shopping and changing diapers and cleaning the house. And husband, you're doing the man thing. And you're off to work 40-plus hours a week and getting after it and doing everything you know to do. And you're exhausted by the time you get home. But have you been faithful in activity, but cold in your love towards one another?

Listen, I can preach Revelation 2 all day long and talk all about our own hearts and God's house and the church. But Jesus is not just walking through this house. He's walking through your house. Husbands, if you need to repent for passivity, it would be a great time to do it now before you leave. It would be a great time to decide, today I'm no longer... Gonna let my wife carry what God has called me to carry Husbands today might be the right day. Maybe you need to repent for leading out of frustration rather than tenderness Maybe you need to repent for speaking harshly to that woman of God. That's God's daughter. Don't forget who you're talking to Maybe you need to repent for withdrawing, you know going to the man cave for three days and not coming out Maybe you need to repent for working so hard out there, but neglecting your first ministry That's you I'd encourage you to do it before we leave out wives Maybe some of you need to repent for contempt But holding your husband But contempt in your heart disrespecting him beating him down Speaking words of life not speaking words of life, but death over them or maybe trying to control them through your criticisms If you've been working hard to control your husband because you feel out of control in this season of your life Repent for that Maybe he's disappointed you but that doesn't give you permission to shut down honor Lord we pray now we pray now over our marriages and we say thank you God For helping us In our first ministries I Get the sense that what we're doing right now is pleasing to God Worship takes on all kinds of different expressions Some of us we look at all we're lifting our hands I'm worshiping God You know worshiping God can also look like holding your spouse's hand And say I'm really sorry for how I've spoken to you Well worshiping God looks like giving money worshiping God also looks like giving of your heart To the one that you are married to Do you give at the altar you withhold in the bedroom do you

Give it church and then you go home and you're stingy with your affection You love God, but don't really love your husband love God don't really love your wife Make it right today if you need to make it right today You may be thinking oh, well, everything's fine in my marriage Well, maybe there's somebody in here watching online right now that their marriage is on the brink of divorce. Lord we speak healing Would you agree with that church we speak healing Right now we speak thriving in our marriages not not not surviving Thriving in our marriages not droning through life disconnected connected in intimacy We thank you for this in Jesus name