Wise Living In Everyday Relationships

But before we do so, we're gonna look back at some of the different foundations that we've laid. Pastor Nate did a great job last week talking about taking off the old and putting on the new. If you didn't get to hear it or watch it, I recommend that you go back and you catch up or re-watch it if you were here on Sunday. And Ephesians starts with gaining insight with our spiritual understanding, being awakened, with light coming into our soul and giving us a new perspective. God begins to work in our lives as individuals and then he gives us a context and an awareness of the fact that we're not alone on the journey, that we are connected to others. And so a big part of the last couple chapters is really about how to get along. In fact, last week we talked about how it is always, what time? And what time is it? 429, Ephesians 429 talks about always having a voice of encouragement, a voice that builds others up and not a voice that tears them down or a voice that uses crude language, but a voice that would encourage and give grace to those that are listening. Now, as Paul continues to write and God continues to challenge not only the church and Ephesus but us as well, he is going to talk about how we relate to others,

not only in a church setting. How many know? It is easier to be on our best behavior for just an hour and a half a week. But when we have to relate to the people that get to see us day in and day out, that's a little trickier, isn't it? People that live and overlap with us in everyday life get to see the good, the bad, the ugly, the confusing, they get to smell our bad breath, they get to see if we didn't come or hear some of you, can I, you know, maybe you can come here. I can call my eyebrows or my beard, you know? But people that live and do everyday life with us are the ones that get the full unfiltered version of who we are. And God challenges us in today's message about being wise in everyday relationships, being wise in everyday relationships. Have you noticed how we can be super kind and polite with someone when we overlap with them briefly? If you have an interaction at the store and maybe you are grumpy in a brief interaction too, but it's easier to be kind and polite if it's just gonna be on the surface and it's gonna be impassing. Now if you overlap with someone a little more often then you'd see them at the gym or you see them, you know, at a coffee shop, you learn their name and you, and there can be pleasantries that are exchanged.

But when you do everyday life, sometimes, we don't treat the people that are on the journey with us with the same intentionality and kindness. So who gets your best? And God cares about the way we relate to the people that he has brought into our life. In fact, he has placed us in their life as well. So today as we jump into our portion of the scripture, I'm gonna walk back here in a living room setting. Now we said that this is a representation of what the church would have felt like. We said it's probably not furnished this way. They definitely didn't have a big TV back then with visual support for the message. But they sat together and they didn't even have the benefit that we have. We have scripture with us. We've got the whole Bible. I mean, how many of you did bring your Bible today? We gotta do this. This is also very important. We've been in the area like you just don't care as Pastor Knight would say. Digital accounts as well. The early church didn't have scripture that they could each bring to their gatherings. They came together to hear as the leader, the pastor of that church, was reading and they would talk about it together, much like what is happening in each of our connect groups

and our groups that are meeting throughout the city. And so as they gathered, they would hear the progression of this story. And we know that the theme that we've covered again and again is that in an isolated world, how does it go? Together is better than alone. God doesn't only care about us as individuals. He cares about community and how we relate to each other. So let's look at Ephesians chapter five, verse 15. We're gonna read all the way through 28 and we're gonna have it on the screens. You can follow along as well or follow on your Emmanuel M&M app or, So be careful how you live. I love this phrase. Be careful how you live. Be intentional, be mindful on how you live. Don't live like fools. I'm tempted to tell you to turn to your neighbor, but I'm not gonna do that yet. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days, don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. I'm gonna park there. There's a lot of don'ts, don't do this, don't live like fools, don't act thoughtlessly. And then it's gonna go on and talk about vice and substance abuse.

And what it does say is, you know, we're not meant to live in a reactionary mode. We're not meant to live thoughtlessly or impulsively. We're meant to live with intentionality. We're meant to live with wisdom. We're meant to live making the most of every opportunity. Understand what the Lord wants you to do. And I love that this is, it also shows up in the portion we covered last week where it says, think carefully about God's will for your life. Now, I love that God is involved and He is guiding our lives. A big part of this is do we take time to pause, reflect, and listen? Or do we, are we just in the habit of reacting to whatever happens around us? And He calls the days or the context that we live in, their evil days, but they don't get to define or determine how we live. We get to choose how we're gonna live day in and day out. So be careful with how you live. We need to live with wisdom, with intentionality. We need to live seeking to understand what God's guidance is. So wherever you're at, whatever season or stage you're at, you can say, Lord, what is your plan? What is the next step? What is your guidance? And He will give you clarity for your next steps.

Verse 18, don't be drunk with wine because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit. I'm gonna park there for a moment. Really addresses something that would have been common then and it is definitely common today. Where people would try to escape through substance abuse. They would try to withdraw. They would try to numb themselves. They would try to, that's another response to difficulties in life. Is try to be oblivious to what is going on. And Paul calls it out. He says, don't lean into that. Don't use that as a crutch. Don't be drunk with substances with wine, but rather be filled with the Holy Spirit. And in Scripture it's super clear about denouncing and declaring that drunkenness is never under any circumstance acceptable. It will lead to ruin. It numbs the senses. It leads you to bad choices. And it says, what are you trying to fulfill? What are you trying to address by trying to lean into substances? Choose to be filled with the Holy Spirit. If you feel a void, don't try to escape. And escapism can be any addictive behavior. It could be entertainment, busyness,

fantasy, substances, avoidance. Even work could be a crutch for escapism. But if your situation, your circumstance is difficult, lean into the Holy Spirit. Be filled ongoing every day. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. And from there, you'll experience the spirit of truth. That reminds us of every word that Jesus spoke. You'll experience His guidance. He'll experience how He is the comforter, the advocate. He will walk with us. And then it goes on and say, be filled with the Holy Spirit. Seeing Psalms and hymns. Praise God, we did that today. And we should do it not only on a Sunday morning in church. We'll go on to the next part of the verse. And it says, "And spiritual songs among yourselves," and I love this phrase, "and making music to the Lord "in your hearts." Is what is happening inside my heart music to the Lord? Is what is going on in my inner world, is it music to the Lord? Or is there a disconnects between what is happening externally and what is happening in my inner world? And give thanks for everything to God, for the Father, to God the Father in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ. We talked about gratitude and the impact that that has. Love that scripture. Be intentional, be wise in how you live. Don't live reactionary.

Don't live impulsively. Don't try to escape. Don't try to numb yourself out. Lean into the Holy Spirit. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. And he will lead you into a life that is full, that is abundant, and that brings life to others that are around you. Wise living isn't about escaping circumstances. It's about allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us through them. I'm going to say that again. Wise living isn't about escaping or circumstances. It's about allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us through them. Now we're going to read the anchor verse for our text today. And it says in Ephesians, I actually hit some water back here in case you're wondering, like, who's bottle is you drinking out of? Beings 5.21 and further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And furthermore, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Now this is-- that's kind of a challenging word, especially in our context. You know, you have people that have maybe leveraged even some of these portions of scripture for the wrong purposes. And there might be abuse that happens. There might be deceit that happens from there. But you can't talk about submitting without having that out of reverence for Christ. The relationship with Christ is what gives it the context.

When we're talking about submitting, we're not talking about lording it over someone or diminishing someone else or imposing over them. It's similar to language that you've heard Pastor Nate talk about when you are a student and you submit a paper to your teacher, right? You're releasing it, you're turning it over to them. You're opening it up for evaluation or opening it up for feedback. That is what submitting-- when it talks about submitting to one another, this is broad. It's for all of us. It should be an attitude of humility. The opposite of submitting could be resistance. It could be rebellion. It could be rejection. But submitting is to open ourselves up. That's a vulnerable spot to be in. If we're going to be real here. To submit-- am I sure I want to submit? I don't know. That could be exposed me to all kinds of harm. The context of this is the relationship with Christ. And the standard does not change because what determines this attitude is not the merit of the people around me. But it is my reverence for Christ. It's because of what Jesus has done in me. Because I trust Jesus, I can have an attitude of openness and humility. Let's talk about it.

And he's going to show how this plays out in different contexts. He's going to talk about different relationships that are everyday relationships. But I love how scripture is. It's all connected to each other. It says the following in 1 Peter 5.5. This is kind of an illustration of how this topic of opening up and submitting-- in the same way it says, you who are younger must accept the authority. So it's an acceptance and openness. The authority of the elders and all of you dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another. For God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Tots about relating to each other in humility. Now humility is not to have a low self-esteem. Humility is not to feel like we are less than others in a sense of value. It's to have an adequate or healthy view of ourselves, which we get from God. Who does God say I am? And that is how I want to live. And that's how I want to relate to him. And it's how I want to relate to others. I'm not more, and I'm not less than the people around me. I have that attitude, that tone. And it talks about recognizing and accepting the authority of the elders, or accepting the gift, or the contribution, or the unique special things

that God has placed in my brothers and sisters. They have gifts that I don't have. And if I'm not open to them, I am going to miss out on what they can bring into my story and in my life. Romans 12, 10 says, love each other with genuine affection. And take delight in honoring each other. I think honor is probably the best descriptor for what it means to submit to another. It's to dignify, to recognize the value and the richness of each other. that God has brought. Now again, Paul is bringing us from the relationships within the context of the community of faith, and then he's gonna move it into our everyday relationships. Reading it again, Ephesians 521, and further submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And he's gonna go into examples here of some of our everyday relationships. He's gonna talk about marriage, he's gonna talk about parenthood and being children, family relationships he's gonna talk about. Also a topic that's, we'll dig into it in a little bit. Stay tuned, don't take an app yet. Talk about masters and slaves. What is that? That is something that was common in the first century. What are the principles? What do they mean for us today? Now, each of these would be the people

that you would overlap with the most. I just wanna say this from the onset, we have a lot of single or single again people in our church. And this doesn't mean that this portion of scripture is irrelevant or that you can go and update your fantasy lineup at this point. If you are not a parent, it doesn't mean that you can tune out or tune into a last week's message while I'm speaking here. There are principles that carry over that think the broader theme is to consider who are the people that you do life with? Who are the people that you overlap with the most? Who are the people that you see day in, day out? And that will include family, it'll include close friends, it will include coworkers, it'll include, if you're a middle schooler and you're here with us today or high schooler, your classmates, the people that you overlap with the most, your interactions with them matter to God. So what does wise living look like in everyday relationships? I got a quick picture I wanna show you of a trip that Anali and I made, we went and chased peak season on a long road trip just this week and every time I take a selfie, my head looks so big, but it is what it is. Don't be distracted by that. Look at the leaves, look at the leaves. (laughing)

We, one of the things I love about road trips is that it creates an unroashed opportunity to catch up in the talk and to have the conversations that we might not be able to have in everyday life. And I love that Anali and I, you know, we've celebrated our 26 years of being together and we're going on for the next 126. Thank you, Jesus. And like any road trip, there's, I mean, there's been flat tires, there's been detours, there's been hazardous weather, there's been all kinds of things in our journey together, but we are still going towards that destination that God has for us. And as we read through scripture, you know, I wanna look at what God speaks to, wise living in marriage. And I want you to be aware of this is something that I am, I'm applying, I'm looking at the mirror and pulling out the mirror more than I am, the magnifying last to try to point out your mistakes. I'm looking inside of me. I wanna encourage you to do the same. If you are married to consider and allow God's word to challenge you, to speak to you, to encourage you as it paints the picture of what God would desire for your home. Wise living in marriage, I wanna encourage you to notice attitudes more than roles.

Okay? My wife is, she's tenacious. I've learned that's the word, not stubborn, right? (congregation laughing) She's spontaneous, not impulsive. She is, she's joy, wherever she just brings joy, wherever she's at. She is, I've described her as kind of a combination between a hummingbird and a firecracker. If you could do, you could merge the two and without killing the bird. (congregation laughing) But she's a beautiful compliment too. We couldn't be more different in our temperaments and personalities and we love each other. And as we look at this, she refuses to learn how to operate the lawnmower, which is a pretty basic process, but she's like, that's not, I'm not gonna do it. I don't wanna learn 'cause then you're gonna, you're gonna ask me to do it. So I'm not gonna learn it, right? And so. (audience laughing) some of the things that she used it now. So when I talk about roles, every family's gonna have kind of their own distribution of who does what and all that. That's not what this is about, it's about the heart, it's about the tone,

it's about how we relate to each other. I read this often when we're officiating a wedding, but it says the following Ephesians 522, and we're gonna read through 33. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord again. That word means be open to you, be receiving. You know, embrace the unique contribution, the gift that he brings into your life. For a husband is ahead of his wife, his Christ is ahead of the church. He is the Savior's body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands and everything. For husbands, this means love your wives just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word. He did this to present her to himself, the glorious church, without a spot or wrinkle or blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself and no one hates his own body, but feeds and cares for it. Just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the scripture say, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined with his wife and the two are united into one.

This is a great mystery, but it's an illustration of the way that Christ and the church are one. So again, I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. What a lengthy portion. I love that final phrase that kind of gives us that clarity of the uniqueness of men and women and the mystery that marriage is. And again, the grounding principle and all of this and how we relate to each other, the frame of reference is Jesus. If we try to impose these actions or expectations without being connected to Christ, it can lead to all kinds of hurt and damage. And even abuse. And there's people that may even leverage this to try to get their selfish way. But the calling for husbands is a high calling too. You know, I can't only say to my wife, hey, remember what it says here in scripture. You know, I wanna look at the verse of the day and pause this fight that we're having and just remind you what it says in the Bible, right? That's not how it works. Because my model as a husband is to sacrifice and lay down my life and not withhold anything, to give all of who I am. So it's a mutual giving and submission that can only work if we are connected to Jesus. So how I treat my spouse in marriage,

it matters to God. Peter says that if I don't honor my wife, that there is an interference, an interruption in my prayers. God's like, you know what, I'm not gonna listen to you until you take care of the woman that I have brought into your life. You're perfect helper and I brought you into her life to be her perfect helper. So what if we switch from saying, what am I getting out of marriage to what am I giving? What if we switch from, are you meeting my needs to how can I serve you? What if we switch from who's in charge to how can we honor Christ? In an isolated world, together is better than alone. So it's not a tug of war where we're each pulling to our own side. If we are both pursuing Christ, we will naturally find that He will lead us into a stronger union. Also love in weddings. I love using the cord of three strands that is not easily broken from Ecclesiastes 4 as an example of two lives that are in enrollment and God is that third strand. When God unites us, He can give us the love that we need each day, the grace that we need each day. And I'm not gonna do a show of hands, but how many spouses have to practice patience and forgiveness often?

That's part of the journey and we need it too. We need grace and we need forgiveness and we need encouragement. So God cares about wise living in marriage. Then He goes on and He talks about wise living in family relationships. And I wanna point something out real quick. We'll have it up on the screen, but I love this picture that he created. This is not me. We do look alike, somewhat right there. We're both bald, so not every bald guy is the same, all right? But that's my grandpa, that's my dad, that's my brother, and this is his son Toby. I like to call this picture inception. If you look at Toby, he's got a picture, no, I'm just kidding. He doesn't have a picture of his kids that are coming in the future, but the generations matter to God as well, and the way we relate to each other in these generations is important to God. And so he shifts now from marriage to talking about family relationships. He talks about parents and children. And I wanna show you now a picture of our two kids. Natalie and I have two amazing kids. This is from our last fall kickoff. Santiago and Zoe, you saw Zoe up a little bit ago. She was on the worship team here.

Santi is a senior at North Central, studying business, and he's an amazing athlete. He's an amazing man. He's one of my best friends, and my wife takes the first spot, best friend, right? And then my kids, then Zoe recently graduated and she is on her way to study down in Argentina in a few months, and she's gonna pursue ministry there. And so, so proud of our kids. And God cares about the relationship between parents and kids. I love that I have my parents in the room right now, even if you guys, Bob and Mark, can you guys wave real quick? Can I just honor my folks real quick back there? (audience applauds) It's such a sweet gift to be able to overlap and do life together at this season to have them live so close, and be together, and be able to have meals together, and weather storms together, and get to be inspired and encouraged, and also get to honor you guys. It says the following in Ephesians six, one through three, we're gonna read that first. Wise living and family relationships. Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord. Again, that frame of reference is always connected to Jesus. For this is the right thing to do. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first commandment with the promise.

If you honor your father and mother, things go well for you, and you will have a long life on earth. Honor your father and your mother, obey your parents. Then it says to parents, Ephesians six, four, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, by the way you treat them, rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Fathers, mothers, parents, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them, rather bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Now, actually I'm gonna invite Zoe to come out and join me for just a quick minute here. Proud dad moment here, so bear with me. And come here, get up for Zoe. (audience applauding) - Hello. - So I've got a really important question for you. Tell me which is your favorite parent, and top 10 reasons it's me. - Wait a minute. - No, just kidding, just kidding. Top seven reasons why it's me. No, no, I love the relationship that we have, Zoe, and love going on walks with you, love talking with you, love spending time together, and so proud of you, grateful for you. Zoe means life, and that is definitely the best name for you.

So tell us a little bit about when you think of our family, what are some of the family values that stand out to you the most? - Well, one of the phrases that you guys say, which I really love growing up, was that God formed us to be a team. And for a functional team to work, there's a value of honesty. And so a phrase that I really love was, if you ask me anything, I'll be honest with you, and that goes both ways, not only us as the kids having to be honest, but we could ask you guys anything, and you guys will always promise to be honest. - I love this. This is something that we developed a few years back, and it is a family principle. You can ask me anything, and I will answer with the truth. And kids' questions will change. When they're three or four, their questions are very different from when they're 18, right? And I love that we've been able to cultivate a relationship where we get to get your feedback and your input, we enjoy a lot of the same things now too. And one of the things that we've learned as parents is that we also need to be humble and learn to apologize when we screw up, when we do things in a less than ideal way. And so that has, I mean, that's happened over time. And I think of a recent time, I'm not gonna ask you to talk right now,

but this is probably like three weeks ago, you're on our way to church. And Zoe was gonna serve and she serves in so many different areas here. And so she said, "Hey, can you give me a tip on this and that?" And I went into coaching mode right away. And then I was driving here on a Sunday morning and then I thought, you know, if this is the only input and voice that you're gonna get, that's incomplete. 'Cause you need to hear that I'm proud of you, that I'm your biggest fan, that I love you, that I believe in you, you need to hear all that, not just the expectation and the call up too. And so I said, "Hey, Zoe, do you feel like this "and you were kind or maybe you weren't honest." And you said, "No, I didn't feel that way at all, "but I love that we've developed the relationship "where we can be quick to acknowledge things "and encourage each other." And so just wanted to say, I'm proud of you, love you, thank you, you're killing it, you're doing an amazing job. - Proud of you too, ain't you? (audience applauding) - Just wanted to show off my daughter, bear with me, guys. Parents do not provoke your children to anger, by the way, you treat them. I think often we can be so demanding and so challenging. We're gonna have that coach voice that we can miss the opportunity

to speak the good things that they're doing, to affirm them, to encourage them through the things that they are accomplishing. And a parent's voice will be one of the loudest voices in the lives of our children. And God cares about the generations, He cares about how we relate to those who go before us, and He cares about how we relate to those that come after us. So in our family, wise living looks like mutual honor. Looks like mutual honor. Finally, wise living at work or school. Now you're gonna wonder why, why did you call work or school? We're gonna talk about slavery in a minute, and somebody like, yes, of course, that makes sense. But we're gonna read a portion, I love the honesty of scripture, because it talks about an institution that was common, it was normalized, but what Paul encourages is revolutionary for that era. Because in the Roman Empire, and pretty much any empire that day, any people that was conquered by the stronger people, was subdued and submitted, and they were treated as objects. There was no dignity, there was no care. They were just like furniture. And what Paul teaches and models here is so different, and I want you to read it with me, it says in Ephesians six, five through eight,

slaves obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. That's a good principle for work and for school and for life in general. As slaves of Christ or servants of Christ could be another translation, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will reward each one of us for the good we do, whether we are slaves or free. Now, Paul is not endorsing or encouraging this, but he's addressing people that are in this reality, they can't change it. It's much like cultures where there's a caste system wherever you're born, that's kind of what you gotta settle with. So what do you do with that? And he's saying, hey, remember the bigger picture. Your frame of reference is Jesus. And he will reward everyone for the good they do, whether they are slaves or free. So wherever you're at, do it as unto God, not out of obligation to the people that you're with or that you're under, or whose authority you're under. Work enthusiastically. Do it with all your mind. Do with all your heart and God will notice and He will reward you. And I love that Paul doesn't stop there because then he speaks to those in authority. He says, Masters, treat your slaves in the same way, in the same

way what? In the same way of remembering that God watches everything. In the same way of when you're visible or when you're not visible. Treat them with dignity. Don't threaten them. Remember you both have a master in heaven and he has no favorites. Sometimes the term slave and master can be a distraction from the principles. Obviously these are harsh topics, painful in our own story as a nation and for humanity. But the principles that Paul teaches, we can carry those into today's reality. And again, the context of everyday relationships. Think in terms of your job. Think in terms of your schooling. Think of the people that you relate to. People that are in authority over you. People that are under your authority. For those working under authority work sincerely even when nobody is watching. For those in authority treat people with dignity. For both groups, Jesus is Lord over the whole org charge. He is Lord over all of us. How many say amen to that? Our workplace isn't separate from our discipleship. It's one of the places where our discipleship becomes most visible. God cares about our relationships at work or at school. So at work and at school, wise living looks like integrity and respect. I'm going to read that anchor verse that we started with. Ephesians 5, 21 and further submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. I invite you to stand to your feet. Live wisely. Live wisely. Not reactively. Not impulsively. Don't escape. Don't go to substances as a crutch. Don't medicate. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. And He'll lead you through any of the challenges you might be facing. For marriages, wise living looks like sacrifice and love for each other. Family relationships, parents, children, mutual honor. Treat each other with dignity with care. In the work relationship we're at school, the principle that we carry over is that we need to work enthusiastically with integrity in treating others with dignity. Because God cares how you treat those who are under your authority. And He notices how you work even when no one's watching. Amen. I want to take a moment to pray for the relationships in our life. And I want us to thank God for them. And I want us to present the challenging ones to Him. Because all of us overlap with difficulties at time. So Father today, we come before you and God, we acknowledge that you are our frame of reference. God, we want to eagerly seek to understand your will. We want your wisdom, God, for life. We want your wisdom. In family relationships and marriages, God, in the work setting, in our studies, God, in every environment, the way we

relate and overlap with the people that are around us. God, I ask that you would bring to mind the people that you've placed in our lives. And Lord, I pray blessing over them now. Can you just begin to bless the people that God brings to your mind. Whether it's family, whether it's close friends, whether it's coworkers or colleagues or students. And just begin to bless them. Begin to bless them. Begin to say, God, you brought them into my everyday life. So that I can be enriched by them and so that I can also enrich them. So that I can relate to them in a way that encourages them, that God that refreshes them, that gives them a reflection, God, of your love, of your honor, your dignity to them. and we ask that you would teach us to be open, not guarded, to trust you, to link all of our relationships to the framework of knowing what you've done in our lives, Jesus, in that from that place we would learn how to forgive because we've been forgiven, how to build up because we have been built up, how to encourage because we have been encouraged by you. And Lord, as we center our lives around you, Lord that it would be evidence that your Holy Spirit is at work because of the way that we treat others, the way we relate to those who are in our path. In the name of Jesus, let's worship together.