What to Do When People, People: Paul’s Masterclass on Navigating Conflict | Bryan Loritts

Well, good morning, Summit family. If you have your Bibles, I want you to meet me in 2 Corinthians 10. If you're new with us, we've been making our way through the book of 2 Corinthians. As you're making your way to 2 Corinthians 10, let me just tell you how much I love Pastor Joby Martin. I just preached for him a couple of weeks ago at his men's conference, and to thank me, true story, he gave me a belt buckle about that big with my initials on it, and I'm like, what about me would say that I would like that, all right? So I was telling Pastor JD about it, he goes, man, 20 bucks if you wear that while you preach at Summit, and I was like, here you go, no, I'm just kidding. I was like, these people are not going to hear a thing I say if I come out on stage with that belt buckle, but seriously, men, I hope you sign up. It's going to be a rich time, not only in the word of God together, but also with other like-minded men who are trying to travel in the same direction. Also I want to encourage you, I think just a universal felt need is men want to be better, and so this isn't just for Christian men. We are praying that a lot of men come who don't know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and so I hope you're praying for and inviting even the unsaved men in your life, in your orbit. It's going to be a rich time. 2 Corinthians 10, we're going to cover all of this text today, all of this chapter. I'm just going to read the opening six or so verses to us, and then off we go. Paul writes, beginning in verse 1 of 2 Corinthians 10, I, Paul, myself entreat you, pay attention to these words, by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold towards you when I am away. I beg of you that when I am present, I may not have to show boldness with such confidence as I count on showing against some who suspect us of walking according to the flesh. For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but have divine power to destroy strongholds.

We destroy arguments in every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience when your obedience is complete. I want to talk today what to do when people people. Paul's master class on navigating conflict. So I want to do two things, I want to spend a lot of time in the secondary application of our text, and then I want to end with the left hook that Paul's going to give us that is rooted in the gospel and is the source and foundation of our frustrations with people. Let me say a word of prayer and off we go. God, thank you. Thank you for what you're doing in our church. Thank you, Father God, for just all the people who were baptized last year. Thank you in advance for what you're going to do at the men's conference. Thank you for what happened, Lord God, at Wincon, our conference, Lord God, for college students, not just college students at or through our church, but college students from other churches we've planted, who've gathered and who've been mobilized are now being unleashed. God, we pray for great generational fruit. Now Lord God, would you speak to us? These people don't need to hear the thoughts of a middle-aged man, they need to hear from a timeless eternal God. I do not have the capacity to change anyone's life. I can't even change myself, that's why we need you. That's why we need a Savior. And so Father God, would you speak to us? Holy Spirit, would you come knocking on our hearts? Show us, Lord God, where we've fallen short. Rescue us with your grace, challenge us, encourage us, change us, and conform us evermore into your image and likeness. It is in Jesus' name I pray all of these things, amen. Me and my sons this weekend watched the movie, I'm sure many of you have seen it, it's an

oldie but goodie, the movie called Hacksaw Ridge, anybody seen Hacksaw Ridge? What a great movie. It's based on a really true story, a cool story, about a guy by the name of Desmond Doss, who won the Congressional Medal of Honor, and it's one of the most unique stories in United States military history. Desmond Doss, he is an individual who's deeply religious and his religious convictions prohibited him from touching a gun or carrying any kind of weapons now. can imagine if you were in his squad, in his platoon, in his company, if you're a fellow soldier, fellow comrade, you're not really comforted by that. I mean, when we go out to battle, we got to have each other's backs and, bro, I need you carrying something more than your religious convictions when we're in battle. And so he was estranged. He was ostracized by his fellow soldiers. They didn't like him. But all of that would change at the infamous Battle of Okinawa. Desmond Doss, armed only with his religious convictions, no weapons at all. True story. Would end up saving 75 people in the middle of this conflict at the Battle of Okinawa. Now, here's what I want you to see about that. What's interesting is Desmond Doss did not avoid conflict. He just engaged it in a completely different way. Desmond Doss did not use the government-issued weapons of his time. Here's what I want you to see. Paul is helping us to see conflict is an inescapable reality.

But when you and I, as Christ followers, engage in conflict, we are not to engage it using the weapons of the world. We are to engage it in the way of Christ. So he's not calling us to avoid conflict. He's calling us to engage it differently. So let me just say it this way. One of the best opportunities you have to be a witness to the world of the hope that lies within is how you engage people who get on your last nerve. I didn't think I'd hear any amens there. Our text is all about conflict. You don't need to spend a day in seminary to figure that out. Just read the text. You don't have to be an expert in Greek, the original language of our text. You don't have to be a deep theologian to know that our text is all about conflict. I mean, just look at the conflict, the military language that Paul employs. He talks about waging war. He later on talks about the weapons of our warfare. Later on, he talks about taking every thought captive. I mean, these are terms that speak of conflict, that speak of engaging people who are acting antagonistic to you. Now that begs the question, Paul, why are you talking about conflict to the Corinthians? Good question. Glad you asked. You ask wonderful questions at 934-525-6000. The reason why Paul is talking about conflict to the

Corinthians is if you understand anything about their relationship, one of the uniquenesses, and it's not a good one, of Paul's relationship with the Corinthians, of all of his churches, it is this church that has acted the most antagonistic towards Paul. So I just want you to understand, following Christ does not bubble wrap you from people going out of their way to cause trouble in your life. So there's several things that we see here. Number one, they accuse Paul of hypocrisy. Opening verse, Paul says, I who am humble when face to face with you, but bold towards you when I am away. He's actually quoting what they said about him. In other words, they're saying you're duplicitous, you're a hypocrite, you're bold when you're away from us. So if I can just kind of update the language, ever had someone just send you a snarky email and they're going off on you, and then you pick up the phone to call them and say, hey, let's talk about this, and it's a completely different tone. It's like a almost completely different person. That's what they're accusing Paul of. Man, your emails, your text messages, bold. When you're with us, face to face, so they're accusing him of hypocrisy. Later on, Paul talks about, for though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. They accused him and how he confronted them on their sin of not being filled with the Spirit, but doing so from a very fleshly posture. Later on, they accused him of spiritual abuse.

Paul talks about, if that just as he is Christ, so also are we. For even if I boast a little of too much of our authority, which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you. Paul is addressing an accusation. They're accusing him of spiritual abuse. Paul, you are leveraging your authority in ways that are not helpful to us, and Paul pushes back on that. None. Most insulting of all, look at 2 Corinthians 10.10, here they hit below the belts. Paul quotes them when he says, for they say, speaking of Paul, his letters are weighty and strong, but his bodily presence is weak and his speech of no account. Let me update the language. Paul, you don't look good and you don't preach good. As my grandfather would say, them's fighting words. You wanna take this outside? I mean, you talk about making it personal, you talk about hitting below the belt. So here's Paul, the great apostle, dealing with people who are antagonistic towards him, and notice his response, verses three through four of chapter 10. For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but have divine power to destroy strongholds. Now, here's what I hate about.

I mean, this is wonderful stuff, and if you've been around church for a while, if you've been around Bible for a while, you've read these words. These are some of the most beloved words in all the New Testament, but here's how you've probably processed this. You've probably processed this detached from community, detached from human relationships, and you're just thinking of how you approach the devil. We gotta put it in context. Here's what Paul is saying. You all are being personal. You're being antagonistic towards me. You're hitting below the belt. I'm going to engage in the conflict, but I'm not going to respond with flesh to how you responded fleshly to me. I'm gonna engage the conflict, but I'm gonna channel my inner Desmond Doss. I'm not going to do it with the government-issued weapons of the flesh. So let's wade into this. Write it down. Conflict is unavoidable. It is inescapable. Why? Because a healthy theology of sin helps us to understand sin doesn't just impact me, the individual. Sin impacts relationships.

I don't have time to get into this, but we see this all the way back in the garden. Genesis chapter three, sin enters the world. Adam and Eve disobey God. What's the first thing they do? They hide from God. See how it impacts their relationship with God? And they hide from one another. Before that, they were naked and unashamed. Their physical vulnerability and transparency was illustrative of their soul level, their whole life vulnerability and transparency. But sin entered the world. What do they do? They hide from God. They hide from each other. It impacts relationships. And because sin is pervasive, conflict will be an inescapable reality. College students, you understand this, don't you? I can't tell you how many times as a college student, man, one particular set of roommates, we're friends to this day. That's a real work of God. But man, true story, I'd show up to class and I'm looking at my one roommate. We're in this class together. I'm like, man, this shirt looks familiar. This shoker is wearing my clothes without even asking me why.

I buy the orange juice and man, I go to get this orange juice and he leaves a teaspoon of orange juice left, man. It just drives me nuts. I can't tell you how many times I've seen individuals who are single and great friends move into a apartment together and end up not speaking to each other. And these now former friends are now enemies because they didn't navigate the conflict. Well, we understand this in marriage. Conflict is an inescapable reality in marriage. Oh, it can be over little things like I squeezed the toothpaste correctly, which as we all know is from the bottom up. God's blessed me with a wife who does it incorrectly from the middle up and little things like that. The next thing you know, it's a huge argument to major things like I thought we had an agreement. After a certain amount, we talk to each other and check in and get permission before we spend a certain amount. But I'm looking at the credit card statement and you spent this amount and all of a sudden there's conflicts. And we all have that person at work. I call them that one more time person. They don't know it, but they got one more time.

They just got one more time. It's this person who's just passive aggressive, maybe saying snarky things and there's just this build up to you. It could be somebody in your small group, maybe who's gossiped about you. Sin is a reality. and therefore conflict is going to be an inescapable reality. Here's the problem. All of us in this room right now, under the sound of my voice, when it comes to conflict, we fall in one of two camps, just naturally. We've got sharks and we got turtles. When it comes to conflict, all of us in this room right now are just naturally wired, either sharks or turtles. In fact, it's amazing how this works out in marriage. Typically, sharks marry turtles, turtles marry sharks. It's just typically how that goes. You put two sharks together, God bless you. All right, but typically how it goes. Now sharks, sharks don't, they don't know how to go backwards. I've never seen a shark swim backwards. They see a problem, they're going straight for it. They smell blood, we're going to deal with it. The mentality of a shark is, I'm going to win. I'm going to win. And it took me a long time to figure out in marriage,

when I win, we actually lose. Any sharks in the room? Come on, y'all, confess your sins. Others in the room are turtles. We know how a turtle is. A turtle senses something unpleasant, that something is wrong. They don't deal with it. They don't address it. They withdraw. See, a shark's posture is, I see blood. We're going to deal with this. I'm going to win. A turtle's posture is, I'm just trying not to lose. So they withdraw, they give you the silent treatment. They ghost you. Thank God for caller ID. I don't have to pick up. They just don't deal with it. Neither of those postures is a biblical, spirit-filled posture. God is not calling us to be sharks who try to destroy people, hurt people, harm people in the name of winning. And he's not calling us to be turtles who just withdraw. There's a third way, a biblical way. We've already settled it. This passage is all about conflict. How does God want us to engage conflict? Because when conflict happens, we've got to think, I've got an opportunity to be a powerful witness

to the world and how I engage this. How do I engage it? Well, we're going to have to make three decisions. Decision number one, when conflict happens, don't be a shark or a turtle. Choose to be like Christ. Look at 2 Corinthians 10, verse one. Paul says, I, Paul, myself, entreat you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ. I want you to circle those words, underline those words, highlight those words. Paul says, I got to wade in, I got to have a difficult conversation, but let me just say, I'm coming to you, not as a shark or a turtle, I'm coming to you in the meekness and gentleness of Christ. Meekness is not passivity, meekness is not weakness. Meekness and gentleness, very similar words. Here's the baseline common denominator. I need you to get this. If you get nothing else, get this. Meekness and gentleness, those Greek words mean this. Power wrapped in velvet. Meekness and gentleness, it means this. Power wrapped in velvet. Meekness, it's a word that speaks more to a person's disposition, it's just who they are. And in fact, it is a kingdom beatitude, it's a kingdom strength in the Greek. Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says,

blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Not blessed are folk who cuss people out, not blessed are folk who just run over you, not blessed are folk who may be right, but they're yelling at you and raising all kinds of you know what, not blessed are people who never deal with it, but blessed are the meek. It was an attribute, it was a quality even of Moses. And then there's gentleness, I love this. In the Bible, gentleness is a word, a character trait that can only be seen in the context of people who are rubbing you the wrong way. Notice this of Jesus. Matthew 11, 29, Jesus said it this way, take my yoke upon you and learn from me. for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Jesus says, here's who I am, I'm gentle, I'm gentle. And that's in the context of what happens when individuals wrong him. And so how do we know Jesus is gentle? Are you kidding me? Judas, who he knew was gonna betray him, he was gentle towards him. Are you kidding me? The people who spat in his face, who put a crown of thorns on his head, who pierced him in his side, who hung him on a cross.

What does he say? Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. Gentleness. And in the same way, when I screw up, when I offend Christ, I ain't getting a shark. I ain't getting a turtle who's gonna give me the silent treatment. Are you kidding me? Can you imagine if Jesus treated us the way we treat other people in conflict? Jesus said, no, no, you need to understand, this is who I am. I'm gonna handle you with gentleness. This is a very important point. So just give me just a few more moments here. Paul in writing to the Galatians, says here's what the spirit-filled life looks like. But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness. The way you know you're filled with the spirit is you're gentle. And the only way you know you're gentle is when people rub you the wrong way. Which means this. When something happens to you, something happens to you. You're gonna have to make a split-second decision. Am I going to react or am I going to respond? In 2004, there was this, I think it was the most chaotic scene in,

for sure in the NBA, could be in sports history. Netflix just did a documentary on it a couple of years ago. If you haven't seen it, it's worth your time. It's called the Malice at the Palace. It's this infamous fight between the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons. And it's chaos, man. These two teams are not only fighting each other, they're up in the stands fighting. But in the middle of this chaos, players fighting players, players fighting fans, in the middle of all this chaos, there is Indiana's, one of their star basketball players, Ron Artest, laying down on the scorer's table. He's laying down on the scorer's table in the middle of all this chaos. And later on, they're like, Ron, why are you laying down on the scorer's table? He goes, well, I got mental health issues. I was working with this therapist. I got anger issues. And the therapist says, man, when your anger is triggered, I want you to get to a calm place. And he says, man, the only place I could see as a calm place is just me in the middle of the chaos. So I'm going to lay down on the scorer's table. And man, that's just an amazing thing to say. Now, let me just be honest with you. That lasted for a few moments. And then Ron Artest was like, man, forget my therapist.

And he was up in the stands, punching people in the mouth, got suspended for like forever. Anyways, but I think, I think there's some wisdom in that. Just take a moment. Just take a moment. This is exactly what Jesus did. Before he engaged in the greatest conflict in human history on the cross, Jesus took a moment. It's called the Garden of Gethsemane. John says it this way, look at it with me. John says in John 18, one through two, when Jesus had spoken these words, he went out with his disciples across the brook Kidron, where there was a garden, which he and his disciples entered. Now Judas, who betrayed him, also knew the place. I love it, for Jesus often met there with his disciples. Jesus knew what was ahead. And yes, he was fully God, but we tend to forget he was also fully man at the same time. There's real stuff happening. He knew the antagonism that was coming. Let me just take a moment. And what does he do? He prays, he meets with God, and the Jesus that emerges is gentle. It's interesting, contrast that with the disciples, and what are they?

They're anxious, they're worried, they're frantic, because while Jesus is praying, they're asleep. This wasn't in the manuscript, but I'm thinking about it now. I don't know, I can say this in North Carolina, I couldn't say it in California, but I got spanked growing up. And my dad, before he'd spank us, he would come up to me and say, We'd always go on a prayer walk and the running joke in our you know, we've got to get out of here. And I was like, I don't think I can do that, I can't do that. house was the more laps dad did around the block the angrier he And he would say, well, you know, you can do that, but you don't have to. was. But I appreciated that in hindsight. I didn't have a dad who just reacted to me. He responded and he'd come back and give these long sermons on the book of Proverbs. Like he'd exegete the Proverbs and there's the instrument for spanking me right there. And I'm like bro hurry up I promise you I'm not going to remember this. But don't miss the point if you're going to get to meekness and gentleness you're going to have to take a moment. Secondly when conflict happens choose what's best for the other person. Paul says this verse 3, Look at what is before your eyes.

If anyone is confident that he is Christ let him remind himself that just as he is Christ so also are we for even if I boast a little too much of our authority which the Lord gave for building you up and not for destroying you. Flip over verse 15. But our hope is that as your faith increases our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged so that you may preach the gospel lands beyond you without boasting of work already done in another's area of influence. Here's the question Paul why are you waiting in. These people are antagonistic. Why are you engaging the conflict. Here's what Paul says. I'm doing it to build you up. I'm doing it so that your faith will increase. In other words you engage in conflict not for yourself primarily you engage in conflict for the building up and benefit of others. Now this is very important because I think a natural human inclination someone does something else we don't like they say something passive aggressive we hear about the gossip we hear about the lie we hear about the slander whatever the issue may be and we automatically cave in on ourselves. Why is this happening to me I can't believe they did this and she's always doing this or he's always and we we just make it about us. Paul says I need you to come outside of yourself. Remember the great commandment love the Lord your God with all your heart mind soul body and strength the second is like it

love your neighbor as yourself and it's counterintuitive. One of the most loving things you can do for other people is to have hard conversations for the building up of their faith. In other words engaging in conflict is not about me and me proving a point. It is to be an instrument that God uses to help bring them to maturity in Christ. That's why we do it. Let me just frame it this way engaging in conflict is one of the most selfless God glorifying things you can do. Let's look at the other way when I don't engage in conflict or I don't engage in it in the right way it's one of the most selfish things I can do. So I just want to talk to you turtles when you ghost people give people the silent treatment cut people off and we can have wonderful nice therapeutic reasons for that throwing up boundaries and look boundaries may be important as a second third fourth whatever thing but they should never be an immediate thing. So when you ghost people that's not selfless that's selfish. I love the true story of Dan and Lynn Wagner. Dan and Lynn Wagner, Jesus loving people, they had just left church, it was a prayer meeting, they loaded their two young daughters in the car, they're driving and all of a sudden they get hit by a drunk driver, a woman that we'll call Lisa. Bishop Desmond Tutu talks about this real life example in one of his books. Lisa hits them, she's drunk and also in her system is cocaine and meth.

Death. Deep damage done to Dan and Lynn. Worse, their two young daughters are killed. Lisa's apprehended, she's convicted, she's thrown in jail. Dan and Lynn survive. Now, if I'm Dan and Lynn, here's my posture, I'm done. I'm never gonna talk to Lisa again, I'm done with this. I'm gonna focus on my physical well-being, my emotional well-being, but remember, Dan and Lynn are followers of Jesus Christ, and they both felt a profound tug by the gospel to engage Lisa, and so they start writing her letters while she's in jail. That turns into visiting Lisa, which turns into hard conversations. They're like, yeah, we wanna move to forgiveness, but we gotta ask you some hard questions. They have these hard conversations, and wouldn't you know it, Lisa, there's an apology, there's reconciliation. Lisa, when she's freed, now the three of them, Dan, Lynn, and the woman who killed their two young daughters, they're now traveling the country together, talking about the power of forgiveness and reconciliation, and all that happened because a choice was made by Dan and Lynn, this isn't just about me, I wanna engage her. Wow. Who in your life do you need to have a hard conversation with?

Now look, I'm not greenlighting you, not everything's a hard conversation. My goodness, I got three young adult sons. If I express everything that I'm thinking, I wouldn't have a relationship with them. There's wisdom in saying, yeah, just take the L, dude, just take the L. But what is it that's just, no, I think we need to talk about this, that you haven't talked about this, and it's just killed the relationship? Yeah, I know that lie hurts you, and I understand we can't change people, but one of God's primary instruments in changing people is hard conversations that one of his children have with others. So what of that hard conversation God now uses to pivot them from a life of lying into walking in truth? I know there's selfishness greats on you, but what if God wants to do a deeper work in their life in which they step out of themselves and live an others-oriented life, and the catalyst for that change was you sitting down and having a hard conversation? Thirdly, when conflict happens, choose to speak truth. Choose to speak truth. Here's Paul, he says in verse one, I, Paul, myself entreat you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I whom humble when face to face with you, but bold towards you

when I am away. This is a reference to the severe letter that he wrote. Theologians call this the severe letter. This letter was in response to another letter that Paul had written them and their reactions to it. First Corinthians chapter five, if you've ever read it, Paul gives them some hard truth. There's a guy in the church sleeping with his stepmother, and Paul gives them some really hard, uncomfortable truth. He says, listen, you need to put this person outside the church, you all need to repent because you knew he was living in sin, and yet you didn't have the hard conversations, you didn't do anything about it. He gives them hard truth. They then respond to that. Paul doesn't like some of their responses. And then he writes them a letter, which we don't have. It's simply known in church history as the severe letter. Obviously, they didn't like that either. But here's what Paul says. I am after more than you liking me. I am after your growth in Christ. And in order to get there, this cannot just be about my feelings. I've got to have conversations which are governed by the truth of the word of God. This is exactly what Paul calls believers to in general. Ephesians 4.25 is one of my favorite go-to verses whenever I'm engaging in conflict.

It says this, therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you, here it is, speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. We're connected, we're family. And when something happens, Paul says, I want you to speak the truth to his neighbor with love. Now, let's be careful with this. I don't want you to forget what I'm about to say. It's one of the most helpful things ever when we talk about conflict, when something happens to you, when you've heard something, when it seems as if someone's done something. In that moment, don't miss this. I think this is the most important thing I've said thus far. Don't miss this. In that moment, you don't have truth. You have perspective. Because of that, let me give you two applications here. When engaging in conflict, don't come in hot with statements, come with questions. Some of us can remember some years ago, right down the road here in Durham, Duke lacrosse team was accused of assault by a black woman. And the optics of it, I just gotta be honest, to my mind, the assumption was, I mean, these privileged guys just took advantage of her. And many in the nation rushed to judgment only to discover she had made the whole thing up. You see how our own perceptions,

our own biases could lead the way. And so what we wanna do when something happens, hey, honey, you said something to me and da-da-da, or hey, this expense on the credit card bill kind of feels like we had talked about this before, I could be wrong. Can you bring some clarity? But see, sharks come in hot. You this, you that, you this, you that, you did. Come in asking questions. Second application I would say is this. Secondly, address speech and conduct, not character. Look what Paul says in verse five. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God and take every thought captive to obey Christ. Notice Paul says we destroy arguments. He does not say we destroy people. This is something I wish Winston Churchill and Lady Astor had really done. If you understand anything about Winston Churchill, he had a running feud with Lady Astor, and they said some horrible things to each other. It's been reported that once Lady Astor said to Churchill, if I was your wife, I would put poison in your coffee. To which Churchill responded, if I were your husband, I would drink it. And that's the only one that I could say from the stage. Back and forth, tit for tat. I can't tell you how many times I've sat down

with a married couple and it's been that same thing. The yelling, the cursing, the calling of names. Have you ever been in a conflict with your spouse and you're like, my mother, how did my, you're talking about my mama? Oh, that was a little nervous laughter, hit a little close to home. Focus on the issue. You ever been in conflict with someone and you're talking about this, but all of a sudden, remember back in the days you'd be on the internet and all these pop-ups would start coming up and it's sort of like that with some individuals. You're like, you need a pop-up blocker because I thought we were talking about this, but now we're talking about this and we're talking about what I did a couple months ago and a couple years ago, no, no, focus on the issue. Don't say you always or you never. No, let's talk about what was said, what was not said, it's conduct. But all of this is secondary. There's something deeper going on beneath the conflict. Paul says, we destroy strongholds and arguments, lofty opinions, and we take every thought captive to obey Christ. You know what Paul means by all this? Hey, Corinthians, the reason why we're having a conflict, it's much deeper than whether or not you like my preaching. The reason why we're having a conflict

is because you're in conflict with Christ. There's some arguments, there's some beliefs that you have that are antithetical to the gospel. There's some thoughts that you have that you need to take captive under the obedience of Christ. We're out of alignment because you're out of alignment with Christ. This is something James doubles down on. Look at what James says, James 4 verse one. I mean, this is clear language. What causes quarrels or what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that our passions are at war within you? So the message of the gospel, if you're here and you don't know Christ, is that I've racked up a debt, I've sinned, it's a debt that I cannot repay, there's not enough good works I can do, and my debt should have sent me to hell, but on the cross Jesus waded into the conflict, paid my debt in full, and now all I have to do is by faith accept his gracious offer of salvation and he will be my savior, and yet the journey of Christianity is he doesn't just want to be savior, he wants to be lord. And so every day, I'll put it in a marriage context, Brian and Corey have to make the decision who's on the throne of our lives, Corey and I have a little snarky statement we make with one another, when we perceive the other person is cranky, and here's what we say, it's not helpful, don't repeat it, we'll go, oh, you haven't had your time with Jesus today. But there's truth in that. It's amazing how when I'm walking in the flesh, how much conflict we have in marriage. But when I'm surrendered to the lordship of Jesus Christ, when I'm filled with the spirit, I'm not saying that eliminates all conflict, because there's some conflicts that's not about sin, it's just different perspectives. But even in that, humility. But when I'm living in the flesh, it's all about my rights, and I'm going to win, and

I'm going to make you suffer. But when he who suffered for me is on the throne, when he who in the face of being wrong said, father, forgive them, for they know not, when he's lord of my life, then I'm better postured for forgiveness, I'm better positioned for gentleness, I'm better positioned for meekness. There's a tavern in the northeast, it was around during the Revolutionary War, and this tavern is preserved exactly as it was during the Revolutionary War. You walk into this tavern, there's a sign on the wall, and the sign from Revolutionary War days, it says this, we have no sovereigns here. And you think, what an American thing to say, and that's not just an American thing, that's a very human thing. I'm not submitting to anybody. Tim Keller, as we close, says it this way, so the Christian message is stop being ruled by things that tyrannize you, and start being ruled by the one king who won't tyrannize you because he is your rightful king. He's the one who knows how you run, he's the one who knows who you are, therefore you don't go from freedom to slavery because freedom is not the lack of a master, freedom is not the lack of a king, but it's finding a true king. Everybody has one. No one is his or her own. Your first step in engaging conflict isn't, okay, let me be meek, let me be gentle, it's not the first step. Oh, let me do what's best for them, nope, it's not the first step. Oh, let me speak truth, nope, it's not the first step. First step is, God, am I right with you? Like Jesus, are you Lord of my life? Corrine, I've been married for 26 years, man, I get on her nerves at times. She gets on my nerves. And there's things I've done to her and offended her, man, and in my flesh, oh, she's just going to take that L. Then I'll be driving down the street in the Holy Spirit being the

divine nuisance that he is. I get the hurt, Brian, but who's in charge here? Who's in charge? So Brian, I want you to pull over to this store, I want you to go into Whole Paycheck and get some flowers. I mean, Whole Foods, I want you to get some flowers. Who's in your life that you're at odds with? What relationships have you just ghosted people and you haven't even made an effort to have the conversation? Or who in your life that you've been a shark with? You've just... Raised your voice One of the best things about my dad's a shark and one of the things I love about my dad When I was a little kid the thing I remember most about my dad Is his apologies? Dad didn't take a prayer walk all the time Sometimes boom just yell and I told you and there'd be times dad would drive up to school Pull us out of class. I'm eight nine years old He'd squat down look me face to face and say Brian the way I talked to you this morning was not full of the spirit You know, it's interesting 40-something years later. I don't remember his offenses. I remember his apologies And why did he do that because someone was sitting on the throne of his life So I want to pray the end of service prayer team or pastors are gonna be here and I just want to make a specific call Maybe some of you your marriages, maybe you see to come here and just say man. We just need prayer We're stuck on this issue. This ain't a counseling session. Just pray for us Others of you you have a friend you have a roommate Coworker I Just I just need prayer so father. I bless your people

Thank you that on the cross the war was won Satan and his army was defeated Thank you for the victory that is ours But but we're still here in this fallen world We we deal with Passive aggressive people we deal with rude people. We deal with people who cut us off on the freeway we We deal with snarky baristas and restaurant servers We deal with a with a child who's just ungrateful and a host of other issues Help us to model Christ Jesus You sit on the throne of our lives. We reject what that sign said in that tavern No, we do have a sovereign his name is Jesus And we submit in Jesus name. We pray all these things Amen You