What Are You Trying to Control? | 1 Samuel 31 | Crossroads Daily

I hopped on and then I went to like pin my camera so I could see myself in a larger view. And if you guys have done that before, maybe just me. But I accidentally hit the hide self view feature which I didn't know is a thing. So my camera's gone and I'm like, "Oh, didn't mean to do that." And I thought first, and I feel like the Lord was like, "Hide yourself you." And then I thought about it. I'm like, "Why can I see myself in Zoom meetings?" That's not how regular meetings, but I'm not sitting with you guys holding a mirror looking at myself the entire time. So like, it's crazy how normalized that is of like, be staring at yourself this entire time during this meeting. And then in person, I do that in different ways where I'm just constantly like, what is everyone thinking about me right now? And what am I saying? And such a key path to not being about my own heart is like being about the hearts of others along with the heart of God, too. This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people. Just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. (upbeat music) - Hey, I'm Chuck.

- I'm Caroline. - I'm Victor. - I'm Chris. - And we did it. We did it. We're at the end of first Samuel 31 chapters. - Yes. - So you've been hanging in there with us. Well done. And this chapter really is, you know, you talk about the clothes of a chapter and someone's like, this is the clothes of the chapter of King Saul. Saul was the first king Israel had. And as much as he started out, I think in a good place, he did not end. - Well. - And Saul's story is a story that I think has some cautionary tales for us. It's paving the way for David, King David, to finally be king. But I think it's important to just pause and reflect on Saul's life and what we learned. So I'm wondering if you were to say like, what do you see in Saul's arc? How would you define the arc of Saul's life and what it teaches you or doesn't teach you? - Yeah. Look, it's interesting 'cause I was trying to compare Saul and David.

And you see both are anointed by God. They're chosen by him. But very different outcomes. And in that arc, I see, you know, a man has chosen by God that steps up to the plate and fulfill the role, yet he got enamored by the role. And he forgot that he was chosen by God to honor him. - Man, say that again. - And I, and I'm like, I see that. And I wanna be like David. I think we all wanna be like David. - Of course. - You know, King David defeated Goliath, all these different things. And yet I probably look more like Saul and I don't want to. Like God has given me a calling. And am I falling more in love with the calling and protecting that at all cause? - Wow. - Or am I open to losing it for the sake of being obedient to God? - Wow. - Yeah. - Wow. And I just wanna play that out 'cause that's a calling. It could be, am I grasping an identity more than I'm grasping it? Am I grasping power more than that? Am I grasping my past?

And what I don't think I can get over more than what God says I am. I think that's a really applicable thing. - Yeah. Yeah, there's so much in that around control and control ultimately is when we try to be God. (laughs) - Yeah. - And not let God be God. - Yeah. - And we start to focus on the things that God's given us and how we can steward those things instead of stewarding the relationship. So yeah, I was gonna say the same. I think Saul's issue is a control issue and that cuts deep for me because I can be a control freak often. And it's a reminder that I have coming out of this is, Caroline, you are not God and also I don't want to be God. (laughs) - That's a really good thing. You ever try to control everything? It's not that great. (laughs) Yeah. - Yeah, Victor, that word, it reminds me of the way that God speaks about David. He said that David was a man after God's own heart, not David was a man after David's own heart. And it feels like Saul was a man after Saul's own heart.

And I can be a man about Chris's own heart very often and I can blow past warning signs where God is like, 'cause I feel like something I'd take away from the arc is like, I feel like Saul had chances over years and years to like repents and lay down. Like God didn't just strike him down the second that he like messed up in the first place. He was like, gave him years to come back and still be faithful to him. I feel like I look at my larger part of my life. How many times I just blow past red lights where God's like, 'Hey, listen, wake up. Am I willing to lay down my life being about my own heart versus God's? So. - Man, I think about blowing past red lights, you know, for me, the thing that I wanted to control for a long time was my image. In fact, I used to talk about, I had a success equation and it was my results plus other people's opinion than me, equal success. Like, if I'm crushing it and you tell me I'm crushing it, then I'm crushing it, right? that it almost killed me. I mean, literally almost killed me. I've talked about this. You guys have heard me talk about like I blacked out in a car one day when I was driving and thankfully it was only for a few seconds. And it was the beginning of a series of panic attacks. I could have literally died. And as I think about one of the things that was going on in my life, it was that the equation wasn't working. I was trying so desperately to achieve, achieve, achieve, control, keep it all together, that it literally almost killed me. And I think that there's lots of things in our life like that that we're holding on to desperately. And it's

killing us. It's killing us. So I wonder, like, as you guys think about your lives, how do you deal with the disappointment, the difficulty, you know, the reason again that we want to grasp for control is because things are out of control. Surprise, surprise, the world's out of control, right? Yeah. How do you how do you not fall into the trap of Saul, if you will, of trying to control everything? I think a big piece of it is zooming out of your own life. Like, I think so often when we get into that space of control or pursuing the thing that we want so desperately, our sites are actually set on ourselves and not on others, not on God, which also, by the way, God tells us to put our sights on serving others. Because I think that's a way that we actually are aware of things going on beyond us. And to go back to tragedy or disappointment, sadly, I've found myself in a lot of funerals over the last couple of months. And I hate funerals because they're sad, but I also love them because there's something so profound about all of these people coming together. Like, obviously, funerals are for the living, right? And I think it's just a testament to the fact that we just need each other so desperately we need something to root us beyond ourselves to celebrate the life of somebody. But when someone's a believer, you're also celebrating the works of God in that person's life. And it just helps you to live a little bit more rooted in the day to day. So, as much as I wish I wasn't in those spaces over the last couple months, it's actually been a place to really ground myself and remind myself, like, oh, man, God, this is all yours. And every day is a gift. And I'm sorry for the ways that I've tried to control or I'm so focused on myself because there's a much bigger world and much bigger purpose out there other than just what I want today. Yeah. Yeah, taking off the self view, I feel like has been hitting me hard lately. I just finished reading the book freedom of self forgetfulness by Tim Keller. You can read it in an hour. It is maybe the best book I've ever read. And he talks about how he's like, Paul says in the scriptures, I don't care what others think of me, but I also don't care what I think about myself. Like his worth comes from God. And that allows him to not be thinking about himself 24/7. I was convicted this when I was on a Zoom call lately. I hopped on, I was a minute late, like, and you see yourself in your little camera. And I'm like fixing something with my hair. And then I went to like pin my camera so I could see myself in a larger view. Done that before, maybe just me. But I accidentally hit the hide self view feature, which I didn't know is a thing. So my camera is gone. And I'm like, oh, didn't mean to do that. And I thought first, I feel like the Lord was like, hide yourself for you. And then I thought

about it. I'm like, why can I see myself in Zoom meetings? That's not how regular meetings, but I'm not sitting with you guys holding a mirror looking at myself the entire time. So like, but it feels like it's crazy how normalized that is of like, be staring at yourself this entire time during this meeting. And then in person, I do that in different ways where I'm just constantly like, what is everyone thinking about me right now? And what am I saying? And but the way like such a key path to not being about my own heart is like being about the hearts of others, along with the heart of God too. Yeah. Yeah, this this weekend, my daughter was playing a tournament, a tennis tournament. This is her season. And it was rough. Like she worked so hard that she played the longest matches of the tournament. And, you know, my role there was just to encourage her to keep going, to not give up, but it's hard when you're physically tired. And it's just made me think I'm so grateful that our days are not longer than 24 hours, because we have a natural ability to or a rhythm that we can can say. And of the day, okay, God, I'm going to start again and reset. And I think the thing for me, again, starting last week, God has been calling my attention to the Holy Spirit and reading a book, The Forgotten God by Francis Chan. And it is, we forget about that source there that's they're available all the time. And I'm so thankful for the start of a new day to start again. And that's what I'm holding on to right now. You know, when things are difficult, it's like, okay, it's a new day. I'm grateful to be alive. God use me. And if it's a difficult I don't want to change because of the circumstances. - That's right. - But I want to be like you. - That's right. That's a great picture because when I think about Saul, another thing that Saul did early and often in his leadership is he refused to listen to the voice of the prophet Samuel. I mean, the book's called First Samuel. That's in reference to the prophet Samuel and God placed Samuel in Saul's life to guide him. And he just refused to hear his voice.

And so when I think about you talking about the Holy Spirit, like, it's the same thing. Like God is, he's done even better, right? For us, he's given us his very spirit, not even a human vessel for it, but the very spirit of God lives in every person who follows Jesus. And we have to listen to the voice of the spirit and make room to hear from the voice of the spirit and invite the Holy Spirit into the very matters of our lives, right? It's not just about whenever you're the Bible, I want to be engaging with the Holy Spirit, but like when I'm choosing, you know, what decisions to make it work, I want to be engaged in the Holy Spirit. And when I'm trying to figure out how to parent my kids, I want to be, you know, listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit is I'm trying to build relationships with the people in your world, you're trying to do that. So I think that's a great place for us to end. Like what Saul did is he tried to take all of that and control it himself. The opposite would be to just surrender and partner with God. Who wants to, I love what the Bible says. Like God is a giver of good gifts. He's a good father. And so today, maybe that's the posture to assume. Is a posture of believing that

and trusting the voice of God and where he's leading you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)