What About Your Friends ? | Relationship-ology Part. 1 | Dr. Dharius Daniels

So we're going to have that available for you. Keep that in mind. All right. So this is my third time teaching this. All the service has been quiet today. I don't know why. It sounds like 12/3 is about to be quiet too, but that's all right. The Holy Ghost is going to help the bishop. All right. John chapter 15 verse 12, Jesus. Verse 12 says, "My command is this. Love each other as I've loved you. Greater love is no one than this than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I've called you friends for everything that I learned from my father. I have made known to you." Let me say one more thing before I give you this topic of the day's teaching. All right. The Holy Spirit brings conviction. Conviction is an invitation to change your future. The enemy brings condemnation. Condemnation incarcerates you to your past. If during this time of teaching something gets exposed that you've mismanaged this area of your life, you got to decide which one you're going to let win. Conviction, which is an invitation to change the future, or condemnation, which incarcerates you to your past. And I want to push back against your tendency for judging yourself for not doing what you want taught. Makes sense?

I want you to be open here and we're not going to let the enemy infect us with condemnation. So I want to talk from this subject and our time together. Thirty-five and older. Here it is. What about your friends? Clap your hands, everybody, if you're ready for God's word. What about your friends? I want to start our time of teaching today with a statement that I think is incredibly important, yet often understated. And that is simply this. For my no takers, you can write this down. You cannot get life right if you're getting relationships wrong. You cannot get life right if you're getting relationships wrong. I say this not because relationships are the most important area of your life. I say this because relationships affect every area of your life that's important. Your spiritual well-being. Your emotional well-being. Your professional well-being. And even your financial well-being. At one time or another will be directly or indirectly impacted by your relationships. Can I get a witness? So when something is so consequential to my well-being, I can't afford to be elementary in my understanding. I cannot manage this area flippantly or emotionally or experimentally. I need to manage this area intelligently. And this is where God by His grace gives us the gift of the scriptures because the scriptures offer some incredible insight as it relates to how to properly steward the emotional area of our life. And scripture seems to be consistent in communicating this one theme. There is no such theme as a neutral relationship.

Yeah, yeah. Scripture seems to consistently and regularly suggest that there is no such thing as a neutral relationship that our relationships are either making us better or making us worse. They're pulling us forward or pulling us backward. They're making us more whole or they're making us more broken. And we don't always see the impact of our relationships immediately or exponentially. But we will see them incrementally and eventually. And the Apostle Paul who is responsible for a writing over two thirds of the letters in the New Testament corroborates my claim. When he is writing to a young group of burgeoning believers in a city called Corinth, he says to them in 1 Corinthians chapter 15 verse 33, he says, "Do not be misled. Bad company, why is it quiet, corrupts good character? to be unaware of the impact that the relationships are actually having on me. And this is why he uses the word, when he uses the word corrupts, he uses the word that they would use in that day to describe fruit or food that was falling. He says, you can be unconscious of the impact that your relationships are having on you. So he's telling these young believers, I don't want you to confuse your spiritual passion with you having a spiritual exemption from a spiritual principle. That no matter how passionate you are about God, you must be prudent when it comes to your relationships with people because your formation is not just determined by who you're connected to vertically, your formation is also impacted by who you're connected to laterally.

And Paul is not alone in his observation because in the Old Testament, one of the wisest and wealthiest men who ever lived was a man named Solomon. And in the book of Proverbs, he says this, walk with the wise and become wise for a companion of fools suffers harm. Now this bothered me so I got to bother it. Watch what he says, he says, if you just walk with the wise, you become wise. Did you hear me? He says, if you just get in proximity of wisdom, some of the wisdom gets on you. If you just get around wisdom, some of the wisdom you're around gets in you. Those come on, those who have a leaning towards psychology may have heard the term association breeds assimilation. Paul Solomon is saying, you become like who you walk with. But then he says this, for a companion of fools suffers harm. He didn't say I had to be a fool. He said I just have to have them as companions and their irresponsibility becomes my liability. (audience cheering) There is no attachment that leaves us unimpacted. So we must be intentional and prudent and prayerful and informed and intelligent when it comes to stewarding this area of our lives. And the scriptures offer us some insight on how to do so. And on today, we're going to explore what the scriptures

have to say about a relational category of our life that the scriptures talk about regularly. But the poor pit talks about rarely. It is a category of relationship that is the foundation for almost every other significant relationship in your life. You cannot get the dating life, right? If you don't get this right, and you definitely can't get the marital life, right? If you don't get this right, because this is the foundation of a kingdom marriage, you must be friends because only friends can keep vouch. (audience cheering) Did you hear what I'm saying? It's not enough fineness in the world that'll keep you at better or worse. Not enough money in the world that'll keep you at better or worse, richer in poorer, in sickness and in health. Come on, the foundation of that is friends. So if I can't do friendship, right, I won't be able to do dating, right? And if I can't do friendship, right, I won't be able to do marriage, right? So we need to explore what the scriptures have to say about stewarding this area of our life. Because if it is spoken of regularly in scripture and rarely from the poor pit, this means for many of us, we've been doing friendship anyway, and maybe we've been doing it a good way. But that doesn't mean it's God's way.

(audience cheering) 'Cause there are three ways. (audience cheering) Well, my church is three ways to do friendship. There's cultures way. Pastor, what does friendship and cultures way look like? Cultures way is characterized by either toxic loyalty or unreliability. These seem like two opposite extremes, but they are two different expressions of the same root, and that is a misunderstanding of the way love is supposed to show up. Toxic loyalty think love shows up in the form of agreement. [BLANK_AUDIO] (audience cheering) Did you hear what I just said, family? Yes, see, toxic loyalty confuses love with agreement, so toxic loyalty will have us well-intended, supporting people in self-destructive behavior, hyping people up when we need to be sitting them down. (audience cheering) And catering to people's feelings at the expense of their future. It feels like affection, but it makes you an accessory to self-destructive behavior. (audience cheering) You can't say you love me and watch me destroy me. (audience cheering)

Did you hear what I just said? (audience cheering) (audience cheering) So, toxic loyalty thinks love means agreement. Unreliability, listen it is, thinks you can love me and be absent. Here's what the scriptures say. Watch what Solomon says. He says, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin." (audience cheering) Not immediately, soon. (audience cheering) Unreliable friends, meaning there will be seasons that require support. (audience cheering) As strong as you are, you will hear the season that requires support. As prayerful as you are, you will hear the season that requires support. Come on, as studied as you are, you will hear a season that requires support. As independent as you are, I-E-N-D-E-S, independent as you are, you will hear the season that requires support. And Solomon says, you're in a vulnerable predicament 'cause you don't know when you will need it. (audience cheering) And if you got unreliable friends,

you'll reach for them, and they won't be there. (audience cheering) Unreliable, flaky, inconsistent, some timing. (audience cheering) But watch the text. But there is, don't make me run. (audience cheering) There is a friend. (audience cheering) Who sticks closer than a brother. (audience cheering) That when we're actually doing friendship, God's way, you become what family's supposed to be. (audience cheering) Did you hear what I just said? 'Cause all family, not friendly. (audience cheering) But God, by his grace, provides for his people in a way that he will make sure you are never with a relational deficit because he'll give you a friend that sticks closer than your own brother. Do I have anybody that's grateful for real friends? (audience cheering) Unreliable friends. They won't proximity without responsibility. (audience cheering) Culture's way.

(audience cheering) Church's way. (audience cheering) Then it's the King's way. (audience cheering) And so when we're doing this God's way, what does that look like? What is it characterized by? It's characterized by two things. Goodness and growth. (audience cheering) That when someone walks into your life that's doing this the King's way, they bring goodness. (audience cheering) And they facilitate growth. (audience cheering) I said they bring goodness, and they facilitate growth. Pastor Dares, why do you say they facilitate growth? Because God invented, He invented this concept of friendship, not so that you can have fellowship, but so that you can have formation. He invented this concept of friendship not just to give you company, but to help you carry out your calling. (audience cheering) Listen to me. I'm going to say it again because I'm standing on it.

The friends in your life are just as consequential to your spiritual formation as the pastor that you are under. Listen to me, a pastor can only give you inspiration at times what Paul calls an impartation or information. That's it. But after you get the inspiration, after you get the impartation, after you get the information, the pastor's not there to engage in observation of what you're doing with the inspiration, the information, and the impartation. Pastors can observe whether or not you do anything with the notes you take. Yeah, they are the ones who have the proximity to make an observation regarding whether or not you're doing some implementation with the information that you receive and the inspiration, which is the spirit you received it in. They see what no one else sees. They get exposed to what no one else gets exposed to. So they are just as consequential to your spiritual formation because they are a mirror onto legs. They the ones that see you when you're tired, when you're stressed, when you're anxious, when you're under pressure, when you're nervous, come on. And this passage here in John 15 gives us some insight that I think is incredibly important as we explore this subject. Listen to what John is saying here. It's so interesting. John 15 is sandwiched in a segment of Scripture known as the farewell discourse. This is an extended teaching that Jesus gives his disciples on the night before his crucifixion. So he's going to die be crucified on Friday. So on a Thursday night, he's having this last extended teaching with his mentees. It goes from John chapter 13 when they're having what we call the Last Supper all the way to John chapter 17. So even though it's four chapters, it's one continuous conversation. Are you here? So it's like someone who's about to pass away and is gathering everybody together for one last time of teaching. Would you agree that what that person would teach is going to be very important? So in John 15, in John 13, he is engaging him with the Last Supper and he says things like, "By this shall all men know you are my disciples that you have love for one another." And then in John 14, he says things to them like, "Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in me and my Father's house. There are many mansions. If it were not so, I would have told you I'd go away to prepare a place for you that I might receive you unto myself. But if I go away, you know I shall come again." And then it goes to John 15 and he starts having this conversation about branches and vines and husband men and gardener. And he says to them

something really interesting. He says, "I'm the vine. You're the branches. If you want to bear much fruit, you got to abide in me." What is happening here? He's using this imagery to have a conversation with them about a shift they're going to have to make in the way they relate to him. For three years, they've been relating to him physically. They could see him. They could touch him. They could hear from him. And now he's telling them, "You're going to have to shift in the way you relate to me because right now you can use your senses. But when I leave here, you got to use your spirit. Are you here?" He said, "I'm getting ready to go away. So you won't be able to touch me physically. You won't just be able to walk up to me and hear me." He said, "So you're going to have to shift from a relationship to a spiritual relationship where you got to use your spirit. So now here's the word he uses. You got to learn how to abide. (congregation cheering) And this is not just their spiritual journey. It's a powerful picture of our spiritual journey because in the initial stages of our spiritual journey with God, God by His grace may appeal to your senses. And you feel them and you get in the word and you're like, "Oh my God, He's speaking to me." And you hear worship songs and you can't stop crying because I feel Him. And then all of a sudden He weans you out of sensory spirituality into authentic spirituality because if He never weans you off, you'll be chasing emotional euphoria as opposed to chasing Jesus. (congregation cheering) Did you hear what I just said? She says, "You're gonna have to learn how to abide." And that is there are spiritual practices

that you're gonna have to put into place to get that connection with me that you didn't used to have to work so hard for when you were in the initial stages of your spiritual journey. So now you got to abide in prayer. You got to abide in the study of scripture. You got to abide in fasting. And you got to know it's functioning even when you don't feel it. That prayer is still functioning even when you don't feel it. And praise is still functioning even when you don't feel it. See an immature praiseer has to feel it to praise. Don't y'all start nothin' in here? But a mature praiseer will praise him till he feel it. (congregation cheering) - David said, "I commend my soul to bless the Lord." I walk in the church and say, "So you don't feel like it, but you giving him glory today?" (congregation cheering) I know everything's not going the way you want it to go, but we're gonna raise our hands today because when I think of the goodness of Jesus and all he's done for me, my soul cries hallelujah. We praise him today. (congregation cheering) Because it's functioning even when I don't feel it. Here's my question, are you chasing a feeling on him?

(congregation cheering) I want him because the absence of the feeling doesn't mean the absence of God. I'm almost done, y'all all right? So he talks to them about abiding, laboring in these practices, these disciplines that keep you connected with me. And he says, "The abiding is going to produce not a feeling." He says, "The abiding is gonna produce fruit." I'm in the text, I'm in the text, fruit. And he says, "A abiding produces a fruit that remains." (congregation cheering) A feeling produces a fruit that won't last in the traffic line. (congregation cheering) But when I abide, it'll produce a fruit that'll be there when I'm up. And it'll be there when I'm down. It'll be there when the door opens and it'll be there when the door close. It'll be there when people walk in my life and it'll be there when people walk out of my life. This fruit that remains. (congregation cheering) But John makes it clear what this fruit is. This fruit, John says that abiding produces is love. I'm in the text, not love just as a private sentiment. Private sentiment. Beloved that is publicly displayed in the context of your relationship with other humans. I'm in the text, which is why he says in verse 12,

give me verse 12. He says, "So you're abiding in me "and you're abiding in me should show up "in your relationships with others." This is where your fruit needs to show up. 'Cause God's like, I'm easy to get along with. (congregation cheering) I'm easy to get along with. You need my help. Here's what I'm commanding. Love each other as I. Has love you, have love you. Now, He then takes it a step further and clarifies the context that this love should show up in, in terms of the kind of relationship is to show up in, is to show up in a relationship called friendship. Am I in the book? So, He goes from, love each other as I have loved you. And then He says this, "Greater love has no one than this." Then He will lay down His life for friends. Then He goes on this friend run that you can't ignore. He says, "You are my friends. If you do it, I command." And then He says, "I no longer call you servants because a servant doesn't know it's Master's business. Instead, I call you friends." And so, when we hear friends, we hear casual language. But when they heard it, they heard covenantal language because they knew there was only two men in Scripture that God called friend, Abraham, was one of those men

that God called friend. In Isaiah 41, 8, "But you owe Israel my servant Jacob, whom I've chosen, you descendants of Abraham, my friend." And then there's not only Abraham, the second one is Moses. In Exodus 33, verse 11, "The Lord will speak to Moses face to face as one speaks to a friend." And now, the disciples who are Jewish men, they would have understood the spiritual heritage. And when they heard friend, they're like, "Oh, my God, you just put meat in the same relational category." As Moses and Abraham, they took it not casually but covenantally. They understood something we need to understand as Christians. Friendship is an assignment. [ Cheers and applause ] Did you hear what I just said? It is an assignment. It is part of your purpose. It is a covenantal relationship that you should enter into prayerfully and prudently because some people are so busy trying to be friends with everybody that they can't be friends with the somebodies that God has actually called you to. You don't have that much time and you don't have that much energy and you don't have that much patience for all these people. You call in friends. [ Cheers and applause ] You say, "This is serious. It's an assignment. It's not just a casual designation. We throw around."

And you got to understand this because some people -- we'll watch this. Some people are going to suffer from agitation. Once they get a -- is this too much? They're going to suffer from agitation. Once they get a revelation, they not your assignment. See y'all missing. [ Cheers and applause ] They think you're being snooty, you're being spiritual. [ Cheers and applause ] You recognize the only thing I'm going to do is disappoint you if I create expectations for you that I cannot meet. [ Cheers and applause ] Because who you're assigned to, God gives you grace for. [ Cheers and applause ] Hallelujah. I want somebody to say they got grace for me. They got -- they got grace for me. Those that are assigned to me got grace for me. They know I'm grumpy without coffee. They got grace for me. They know how I am when I get stressed. They got grace for me. Because those that are assigned to me have grace for me. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Cheers and applause ] It's not -- it's not casual. It's covenantal. Sealed by a promise, accompanied at a cost, characterized by consistency regardless

of changing circumstances. [ Cheers and applause ] So this is not a designation we should throw around flippantly. And so this is why Wednesday, I have to talk to you about something called reclassification. And I'm going to show you how Paul went through an experience And I'm gonna show you a relational reclassification that happens not just with John Mark, but what happens with Barnabas. So in Acts 15, most people call Acts 16, and they emphasize how Paul and Silas was in jail and certainly at midnight they prayed prayers and same praises under God. But we don't, you gotta go to chapter 15 to figure out why he ended up with Silas. (crowd cheering) 'Cause it wasn't supposed to be Silas, it was supposed to be Barnabas. (crowd cheering) Come on here, but it's a relational reclassification. So here's the point, here's the point. So if we aren't clear that this isn't just casual, it's covenantal, then we will overextend ourselves. And we will try to beat to others what you don't have the grace to be. Or you would expect from others what they don't have the character to give you. (crowd cheering) It ain't in them. (crowd cheering)

No matter how good you are to 'em, it's not in 'em. (crowd cheering) And no matter how much you love 'em, it's not in them. They can't give you what's not in them. (crowd cheering) So casually, I can show up however I want. But if I see this covenantally, if I see this as what a family's supposed to be, I'm called to be to you. It's part of my calling. It's to be to you what a family's supposed to be. What a brother's supposed to be. What a sister's supposed to be. Do you understand? So that's part of my calling. And I see it covenantally. What does it look like for me to show up that way? And then watch this. What is the criteria that I should have in terms of the way others show up for me? That criteria there must be meant in order for me to give them that designation. See, this is not about titles. When I say designation, you know, we're not fifth graders. I'm not about to cry 'cause you didn't tell me 'cause you don't wanna be my friend. We're not, we're not, no, this, we're not in fifth grade here. But here's why these designations are important. Because if you don't have these designations, you don't know where to invest.

And then you also don't know what to expect. So this is about aligning your investment and then aligning your expectations 'cause a lot of your frustration, a lot of our frustration comes from failed expectations. So how can the scriptures inform us in shaping the way I see I'm supposed to show up as a covenantal friend? And the way others should show up for me as a covenantal friend. See, I'm gonna have to deal with this Wednesday night too. And then definitely next week when we start talking about Dayton. Christians, especially well-intended ones who try to live out the great commandment, like loving people well, they really have standard issues. A lot of them have standard issues. And their frustration is you got high expectations of people and low standards. See, and most people confuse standards with goals. Goals are what you aspire for. Standards are the least you allow. Goals are the ceiling. Standards are the floor. Your standards are not what you say it is. Your standards is what you tolerate. (audience cheering) And many of us tolerate what Solomon called unjust scales. He says, "The Lord detest unjust scales."

Not that reciprocity will look the same, but when there is no reciprocity. And people are making withdrawals and no deposit in any form. Call it what you want. It's an unjust scale. It's exploitation. It's a parasitic partnership. And that's not a friend, that's a mentee. (audience cheering) That's a mentee. 'Cause that's where I give and I don't expect anything back. (audience cheering) That's a mentee. (audience cheering) (audience cheering) So what is the covenantal criteria that God's and governs the way I should show up and the standard I should have? The text gives us six things. Let me go through them real quick. The first thing is this. I should expect that they will carry an honor, somebody to say honor, that is willing to say hard things. The whole farewell discourse is a hard saying. Why does Jesus say in John 14, "Let not your heart be troubled?" Because their heart was troubled. It wasn't easy for them to hear He's leaving. But then in John 16, He says to them, "It's for your advantage that I go away. It's better for you that I go away."

Because if I don't go away, the comfort of can't come. He's saying, "So I'm willing to say hard things to you because I honor you." That's what I mean is high regard, high respect. So friends, see you even when you can't see yourself. Did you hear what I said? Part of your job as a friend is to remind people of who they are when life make them forget. A friend needs to see when someone's not seeing themselves right. You are always behaving away or regularly behaving away. That is consistent with the way you see yourself. And the friend can see when you're not seeing yourself right. And the friend loves you enough to do some straightening. And they say, "Now, I know you ain't letting Him do you like that. Let me go over here. You better get yourself together." "Now I know you ain't letting Him do you like that." "I honor you. I honor you." So now I see you behaving in a way that's inconsistent with who you really are. When I see you living low and playing small, come on. Come on now. Your future too great for you to mess up your reputation, gossip it. You want to be trusted, come on, come on, come on. Here's where the Bible says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend." That word "faithful" means trustworthy. Are you here? That means that we've established some trust. So I know even if you're saying something that may hurt my feelings, it's because you're trying to save my future. Because you trust, I trust you. And honor.

I honor you. So I help you see you when you're not seeing you right. But because I honor you, here's what a friend does. I'm going to say an honorable, I'm going to say a hard thing in an honorable way. Because keeping it real doesn't mean being reckless. I need somebody to high-five somebody to tell them, "Do better." I'm just keeping it real. No, you're irresponsible and you're not thoughtful enough to figure out the most prudent way to communicate that. Yes, you should have said what you said, but not that way and not at dinner. Do better. Let your conversation be seasoned with grace so that it may minister to the hero. Are you going to say this to them in a condescending tone? Because they being silly and you just came out of silly. You adjusted. Let me go to this side. You just came out of silly last week acting like you don't know what silly feel like. You hadn't forgotten. We've all been silly. I've been silly too, I mean, you're just silly together, we're just two silly saints. Number two, they need to carry a heart that is willing to sacrifice. Watch the text, "Greater love has no one than this," then they will lay down one's life for their friends, your associates, your assignments, get your gifts, your friends. (audience cheering) Your associates and your assignments get what you can do. Your friends, get who you are. Lay down my life. When you a friend, I give you me. You can give your gift to people you don't even like. (audience cheering)

But a friend, they get you. Call me at one o'clock in the morning. You get me. When your mama pass away, you get me. When your daddy pass away, you get me. When you get laid off, you get me. When you go through the breakup, you get me. (audience cheering) And some people want attachment with no kind of inconvenience. (audience cheering) (audience cheering) Do they have a heart? And when I say sacrifice, I'm not saying, do something that puts them in harm's way. But I'm saying live with a kind of love that is willing to be inconvenienced for the benefit of somebody else. Sacrifice. Number three, they must have, y'all okay? (audience cheering) All right, number three, they need humility that can handle instruction. Look at verse 14, you are my friends if you do what I command. Jesus stewards power well. So this is not a statement communicating control. What he's talking about here is the importance of teachability. If they can't be taught, they can't be trusted.

(audience cheering) I'm not saying your friends should be your teacher. I'm saying your friend should be able to teach you something. (audience cheering) Because when God connects people together, somebody's rich where somebody's poor. (audience cheering) Did you hear what I just said? So somebody's rich where somebody's poor. Somebody's rich in wisdom where somebody's poor in wisdom and you should glean from that person who's rich in wisdom in an area where you're poor in wisdom. (audience cheering) Are you here? - Yes. - I said are you here? - Yes. - All right, it means that somebody shouldn't have to be in authority over you for you to recognize when they're releasing wisdom for you. (audience cheering) All right, number four, they must carry heat tested character that can be trusted. (audience cheering) Notice it's in John 15, 15 where Jesus says I no longer call you servants. It's not John 1, 15. Jesus didn't call them friends at the beginning of his journey with them. He called them friends 15 chapters in,

which means I've had 14 chapters to see if you are what I call you. (audience cheering) And some people's problem is you start giving them the title in chapter one. Then you find out they knocked that in chapter 15. Now you're trying to figure out how to back out of a thing. You should have never walked into in the first place. (audience cheering) (audience cheering) He had 14 chapters to see their character tested by heat. He'd been on ships with them in the middle of storms. He'd rebuke them, he offered hard sayings. He watched them handle misunderstandings like John 6. Let's you eat my flesh and drink my blood. You have no parts of me. Many disciples left. Jesus looked at the 12. He said, "We confused, but we ain't going nowhere." (audience laughing) I don't know what you mean by that. But you've earned enough of my trust. (audience cheering) To stay in the midst of confusion. (audience cheering) See, this goes back to what I was talking about second way. When people, there's underestimation and over-spiritualization. And this over-spiritualization is when you confuse, like I said, personal passion for God

with relational discernment. So you start picking who should be friends based off of what you think you feel in your spirit. (audience cheering) The issue with that is sometimes you hit and sometimes you miss. Because the hearts are deceitful. (audience cheering) Is that the book? Who can know it? And so what Jesus offers is very clear instruction when it comes to relational discernment. that what we should be using is not just. What we should be looking for is fruit. This is what Jesus says. You know the tree by the fruit it matters. And so what we do is we see the fruit, but then we go with what we feel. Then our feelings get us in a position where our feelings hurt. And now with hurt feelings, we're upset with God. And God's like, you're trying to blame it on me. I told you to look at the tree. Heat tested character, time doesn't reveal character. Heat does. The heat of offense. The heat of confusion. The heat of misunderstanding. The heat of pressure. The heat of stress.

What number am I on? (audience laughs) Five. (audience laughs) Five. Honor for your responsibilities outside the friendship. Basically what Jesus is saying. Let me summarize this, this is important. Don't miss this little doing, it's important. Don't miss, watch this. He's basically saying, I've been a rabbi to you for three years. What I'm getting ready to do tomorrow is gonna make me a redeemer to the world. So I am more than what I've been to you. For three years, it's been me and you. Now I'm stepping into another chapter of my story. So my responsibility is expanding. So now you got to share. (audience applauds) It's quiet. My assignment to them means less proximity for you. (audience applauds) So I'm a rabbi to you, but I'm getting ready to be a redeemer to the world. And I need you to honor my responsibilities outside this friendship. I was born for you, but not just for you. (audience applauds) So yes, when I was single, you text me at nine

and you say you want to go out at 10, I'm like yes. But now that I'm married, I need you to honor my responsibilities outside the friendship. You don't text me back. I don't even know where my phone is. My kids got my phone. (audience applauds) It got quiet there. Play target, it got quiet there. It got quiet there. Yes, yes, I was born for you, but not only for you. I got a business now. (audience applauds) I got more demand now. (audience applauds) I know it's been this way for three years, but three days is about to change everything. (audience applauds) It can shift quickly. It can be one way for three years, and then three days. (audience applauds) My responsibility increases, my demand increases, and less time with you doesn't mean less affection for you. (audience applauds) And if you are operating in friendship with a healthy soul, before you start critiquing what I'm not doing anymore, you would at least ask how I'm doing. (audience applauds) Instead of a critique, you bring a question. You don't call me as opposed to how are you doing?

Stressed, drowning, overwhelmed. (audience applauds) Number six, they must carry a head that can handle exposure to what others don't get. Look at verse 15, I no longer call you service because a servant doesn't know his master's business. Instead, I call you friends because everything I learn from my father I've made known to you. He's saying you're gonna get exposed to what others don't get exposed to. I'm about to share things with you that I don't share with everybody else. You're gonna get to see things that other people don't get to see. He's actually gonna leave this conversation, and he's gonna go to the garden against Timothy, and in that moment, we see the clearest display of his humanity. He is anxious, he is stressed. One gospel writer says he sweat like great drops of blood. Another says he sweat drops of blood. Whichever one it is, he's stressed. Thomas, this is why you don't get to go to the garden. 'Cause what you get exposed to isn't evil, but if you come out and share that the wrong way, Do they have the head that can handle what proximity's gonna let them see? That's what they ought to be to you and that's what God has called you to be to them. Now, how many people do you actually think

you can be all six of these things for? Which is why you must know the difference. Wednesday night, tapping Wednesday night, between friends, associates, assignments, and then advisors. (audience clapping) Some of you, right now, the wheels in your mind are turning. Some of you are just now getting the revelation. I got a lot of company. (audience chattering) But not a lot of friends. Some of you, the spirit is showing you this is a covenant that I need to take as a calling. I mean, I've been there, but I gotta show up differently. 'Cause this is a part of my calling. (audience chattering) So whatever category you're in, may God give you the wisdom and the courage to think through your next step. So what I want us to do, nobody walk in unless you have to. We understand if you have to. It's not that kind of church. But I want you to just, right now, sit with the Holy Spirit and just see if there's something He wants to say to you regarding how you've been showing up as a friend, or how you've been allowing people to show up for you. (audience chattering)

I believe if you a shift your standard, thank you Holy Ghost, God a shift your circle. (audience applauding) Just take a moment, come on right now. You need to learn to do this if you don't know. Just engage the Father. You might not feel anything. But Lord, place of thought in my mind. We outta here. (gentle music) [MUSIC PLAYING]