Under The Influence || Toxic Traits Part. 1 || Dr. Dharius Daniels

Genesis chapter number 27. We want to read a few verses here. I want to start with verse 5. It says, "Now Rebecca was listening as Isaac spoke to his son Esau. And when Esau left for open country to hunt game and bring it back, Rebecca said to her son Jacob, "Jacob, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat so that I may bring you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die. Now my son, listen carefully to what I tell you, go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats so that I can prepare some tasty food for your father just the way he likes it. Then take it to your father to eat so that he may give you his blessing before he dies." And Jacob said to Rebecca, "His mother but my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. What if my father touches me? It would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse upon myself rather than a blessing. His mother said to him, "My son, let the curse follow me. Just do what I say. Go and get them for me." I'm going to stop the reading of God's worth there. This is the word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. I want to talk from this subject in our time together, family, under the influence. The term under the influence is often used to describe an individual, I don't know you know nothing about this, whose judgment has been impacted or impaired because of the consumption of or exposure to some sort of intoxicating substance. It's situations and scenarios where substances like drugs or alcohol adversely impact individuals judgment and allow them to behave in ways that they wouldn't normally behave if they were sober.

Individuals who are under the influence say things they normally wouldn't say. Do things they normally wouldn't do. And engage with things they normally wouldn't engage with. And in some cases, individuals who are acting under the influence create consequences that may have never been experienced if they were not under the influence of their substance. And family, I want to suggest to us that while we may not physically be able to relate to what it means to be under the influence, everyone spiritually can relate to what it means to be under the influence because everybody is under the influence of something. Something is influencing our behavior, something is influencing our thinking, something is influencing our understanding, something is influencing the way we are engaging and or disengaging. The question isn't if I'm under the influence of something. The question is what influences am I under? And are they influencing me in ways that are aligned with the ways of Jesus that leads to human flourishing or aligned in ways that are leading to human dysfunction? And if we are unable and unwilling to examine what is actually influencing you and I, then we will not be able to address traits that the influences produce, that are traits that are not serving you and I will. Listen to this, because all or some of the traits we carry are not traits we inherited. Some of the traits we carry are traits that were installed. They were installed unconsciously by influences and some of these traits are what I call toxic traits. It's a reoccurring way of thinking and reacting and behaving that is formed by unexamined influences that operate below our awareness and eventually lead to injury, embarrassment or incarceration. Listen to me, family, and toxic traits are difficult to diagnose because toxic traits always don't fit within the context and category of what we would consider. combative. When sometimes toxic is passive, we assume that toxic is loud. When sometimes toxic is quiet. We assume that toxic always takes. When sometimes toxic always give. We assume that toxic makes other people feel bad. When sometimes toxic makes other people

feel good. I'm suggesting that toxic traits show up in various ways, in various people, in various seasons of our life. The person who violates boundaries is demonstrating a toxic trait, and the person that won't hold a boundary is demonstrating a toxic trait. The person that is verbally disrespectful is demonstrating a toxic trait, and the person that keeps subjecting themselves to verbal disrespect is demonstrating a toxic trait. The person who irresponsibly and chronically keeps borrowing money is demonstrating a toxic trait, and the one that keeps financing somebody else's irresponsibility is demonstrating a toxic trait. Different behaviors, but still toxic. They're difficult to diagnose because toxic traits always don't show up looking like toxic traits, and they're difficult to diagnose because some toxic traits only show up in certain chapters of your life. That there is some stuff that's in me that doesn't come out of me until something happens to me. This is the essence of what's in the text here in Genesis. This narrative that I just read you a brief part of is a powerful picture of what I'm articulating. This narrative with this woman in Genesis named Rebecca shows us how you can show up one way in one chapter of your life. Are you here? And show up a completely different way in another chapter of your life. It's here. You should be, if you've been following this series relationship of ology, you're familiar with this biblical character named Rebecca. You're familiar with her. We expose you to some insight about her and one of the messages in this series. You see, we're introduced to her in chapter 24. Abraham is old. He wants to participate in the selection of a spouse for his son, Isaac. So he commissions one of his servants to go back to his homeland. Y'all remember this? To select a wife, a potential wife for his son, Isaac. You're familiar with this. And the narrative exposes us to the truth that the servant arrives at a well outside the city and he prays for a sign. He says, Lord, show me who's the one through these means. Let her not only, watch this, volunteer to give me water. Let her volunteer to give my camels water also. Now watch what happens in verse 15, chapter 24. This is actually one of my favorite verses in scripture. And I'm going to see if those of you in this room and in additional seating is going to respond to the bishop today. Here it is. Before he finished praying. Who got it? I'm going to read that one more time, New Jersey. Before he finished praying, Rebecca came out with her jar on her shoulder. Before he finished praying, this statement not only reveals God's power,

it reveals God's pace. It debunked myth that we will always have to wait for God to respond. But there are some things that will take longer than we want. But there are other things that will happen sooner than you expect. Hallelujah. This is consistent with a prophetic proclamation made to Israel in exile through Isaiah when he says in Isaiah 65, 24, before they call, I will answer. And while they are still speaking, I will hear. And I just want to respond to This prophetic prompting I'm gonna say that one more time Maybe this thing is going to happen sooner than you expect God doesn't have to move slow to prove he's sovereign the God of providence picks his own pace and Some things he does slow and Some things he does fast and am I talking to anybody? not emotionally but spiritually Who senses something's about to shift I Thought I was in New Jersey today I Said am I talking to anybody? that senses This one's getting ready to happen quickly expeditiously immediately straightway It is he says let the woman offer not just to Give me water, but the water the camels So text says Rebecca comes and it says she's very beautiful. She went down to the spring She filled her jars. She came back up again and the servant heard it to meet her and said Please give me a little water from your jar and look how respectful this woman is drink my lord She don't even know him a

Reasonable response would have been like I don't know you like that But she says listen listen how respectful she is drink my lord Y'all see that okay now remember his prayer remember the specificity of his request I don't even have time to deal with that. That's like there's a lot we can learn in how specific he is with his request Listen to this After she'd given him a drink notice what she says. I'll draw water for your camels, too Watch this until They have enough to drink Now notice he didn't ask her For water for the camels he asked her for water for him, but she responds By going over and beyond and expresses her willingness To do it for the camels because when it's God you don't have to beg Did you hear what I just said yes, and how many people are in a season of your life What you've discerned enough and you've learned enough to realize I can't play God And I can't make you motivated to do something you really don't want to do So I'm not gonna beg you. I'm not gonna plead with you I'm gonna create the context where there's opportunity for you to demonstrate whether or not you're operating with generosity She says our water The camels - so watch what it says So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough listen it is ran back to the well To draw more water and drew enough for all his camels now notice She doesn't know who she talking to She doing all it is for a stranger a reasonable response would have been your camels need some water Well, you can go right down To where I just got this water and you can y'all let me go where's my side The same place I just came from and I'm a woman So here's what I want you to see I want you to see Well, this is exposing About some traits that are in Rebecca. She has no clue

She is talking to the senior servant of a wealthy man She has no clue. She's actually in an interview She has no clue what she's being vetted for No clue We're getting authenticity, because who you are really is often demonstrated and displayed in your engagement with people that you don't think can do anything for you. Did you-- come on here. How do you treat people you think you don't need? [LAUGHTER] Notice now. Notice-- OK, notice how she engages with this man. This is-- she's kind. She's considerate. I think she's courageous. I think she's hard-working. The fact that you're engaging with a stranger like this, the fact that you're willing to help a stranger like this, the fact that you're working to serve a stranger like this. You kind. You're considerate. You're courageous. This chapter 24. But that's not our text. Our text is not what happened when we were back in chapter 24. We talked about that a few weeks ago. Our anchor text is what happened when we were back in chapter 27. And in chapter 27, let me show you the same woman. I want to show you the same person in a different chapter. Lord, y'all see why we need this little mini series, huh?

Because some of you-- some people confuse you, and you're like, they deceived me, and they show me two different people. It wasn't two different people. It was two different chapters. And some things that are in me don't come out of me until something happens to me. You fell in love with a chapter 24. You married-- they chapter 27. I'm sorry. [CHEERING] Some traits only show up in certain chapters. Chapter 27, she's married. Now, when she marries Isaac, Isaac is significantly older than her. He's around 40, some historians say, when he's married. So he gets older. Watch this. He's getting older now. And the Bible says his eyes are growing dim. He's having difficulty seeing. Y'all follow me? And so the Bible says, he calls for his son Esau and says, I'm now an old man. I don't know the day of my death. So get your equipment, your quiver, and your bow, and go out to the open country and hunt for some wild game for me. Prepare me the kind of tasty food I like and bring it to me to eat so that I may give you

my blessing before I die. You see that? Now, I know some of you are familiar with this narrative. And so you might be a little confused here because you see Isaac saying, let me give you my blessing before I die when you know Jacob has already deceived Esau from the birthright. But the birthright and the blessing are two different things. So the birthright refers to what rights go to individuals based on their order of birth. And so although Esau and Jacob were twins, Esau was the one that was birthed into the earth first. So technically, he's the elder brother. And as a result of that, what he inherits is the position of authority as the patriarch of the family and an equivalent to double the inheritance that everybody else gets. Now Esau, I'm not going to talk about this today, but Esau, I'm not going to bother this today, but we might end the series. Esau, I'm just going to mention it today. Esau was suffering from a toxic trait of impulsivity. So because he's impulsive and not thorough and judicious, he literally trades his birthright to his brother for a bowl of soup. Because impulsivity contributes to us making inferior traits. So we will trade something that's worth more and take something that's worth less and then get mad at the person who took a good trade for them.

OK, OK, OK. So this isn't the birthright. This blessing is more spiritual in nature. So Isaac is saying, "I don't know how much longer I got. It's inevitable in near, so I need you to, your hunter, I need you to go out, kill some game and come make me one last meal, let me eat me one more meal before I go and before I go I want to make sure I pronounce this blessing over you, got me?" So when we picked up our foundational texts and the text says, "Rebecca overheard," this is what she overheard. She overheard her husband say this about her eldest son. Now what, "Rebecca," oh my, this is another series, this relationship always your part too next year, "Rebecca," watch this, "Rebecca not only brings her own generational strongholds, when she marries, she merged them." So now she married into a family that has a generational pattern of blatant parental favoritism, that gets so progressively worse with each generation that by the time Jacob has children, his favoritism is so blatant, he's got all these sons, he only make a coat for one of them. Now some of y'all my age, I need y'all to think about it, it's Christmas and only one person get a starter jacket. Come on here, y'all follow me, like it is so blatant, he has no consideration about how making this coat for one child is going to send a message subliminally to another, even if there is some authentic, organic connection that is different between one child and another. That's reasonable, but it's a generational pattern of that, so she marries into that. And so it becomes a dynamic in her relationship with Isaac because he has similar interests to Esau connects deeply with him, Jacob because he has similar interests to Rachel, she connects deeply with him. So she overhears what Esau is getting ready to receive. So she go get Jacob, she say Jacob, your father getting ready to bless your brother. Here's what I need you to do, Esau go on hunting. You can't hunt.

He went out to the woods, you need to go out to the flock, you need to go to the backyard. Some of y'all laughing, but you need to be honest parents, because some of y'all be at these games ready to fight the coach. Your kid can't shoot, somebody need to tell you, he can't play, he's not on the bench because they don't like him. He can't shoot, need some honest parents. You don't have to tell the kids, but you need to be at a soccer game and be honest with each other. They running around, you need to look at your wife, he can't play. Baby we got to get him in La Crosse or something, he can't do this. So she says Jacob, go out in the pasture, Esau is going to hunt, and I want you to bring me two choice goats from the pasture, and I'm going to cook it just like your dad like it. Then I'm going to have you take it to your dad like, because he can't see. I'm just telling the story, I'm just telling the story. I'm going to, because he can't see, and Jacob say, no, no, no, I can't eat so hairy. So if my dad find out, instead of getting a blessing, I'm going to get a curse, I don't, she says, let the curse follow me, one, it can't. So a lot of people are sissy with crime, but then they can't care the consequence. If I was you, I would, but you're not me. And if I do that, it's only me that's dealing with the consequences. He said, let the curse, she said, let the curse follow me. You just do what I say. So the same woman, who in chapter 24 is kind, considerate, and courageous. tension. Let me read. The same person in that in chapter 24 is kind, considerate and courageous. It's the same person in chapter 27 who is deceptive, manipulative and inconsiderate. You are about to deceive your blind husband and steal from your oldest son. Toxic traits. Now, which one is Rebecca? Both of them. Rebecca wasn't acting in chapter 24. Come on. Because she didn't even know who she was in front of. That was really her in chapter 24. But there are different traits that only come out in certain

chapters. And don't judge Rebecca because this is true of many people all throughout scripture. And it is true of you and me. Not telling us this story so that we can see Rebecca. God is using this story so that we can see us. There are some stuff that comes out in different chapters. In this series, I'm going to talk to you about Abraham. The father of faith. You can be so full of faith in one chapter. Then in another chapter, you get so scared, he calls his wife, his sister. Which one is Abraham? Both. Because if you catch me tomorrow, I might be full of faith. Was my real church. But if you catch me Friday evening, I might be wool as me. It doesn't mean I'm weak. It means I'm a human. What's challenging is when toxic traits go unaddressed eventually they send an invoice. And that invoice is expensive. And because the invoice doesn't come immediately, we can assume the invoice is not coming eventually. But eventually that invoice is coming. Eventually, are y'all here? Eventually, eventually I got to pay the invoice for the unaddressed toxic trait. We see it with Rebecca. That invoice eventually came. It cost us some stuff. It cost us some peace. Because here's what happens. Eventually, everybody finds out what happens. The Bible says Isaac trembles violently when he finds out what happens. Esau is consumed with so much anger. He says, I'm going to let my daddy die. Because he wouldn't want me to do it. So I'm going to let my daddy die. And then after we complete this period of morning, I'm going to kill Jacob. So this is what Rebecca, are you hearing what I'm saying? So Isaac finds out he's been deceived. Esau finds out what happens. So here's what happens. Isaac eventually dies. So she lost her husband. But because he found out what she did, she lost him before she lost it. And now you got one son that wants to take the life of another son. And so now you're dealing with a degree and a dimension of paranoia that is so consumed her that she's got to send her youngest son away to her brother, Laban, to keep him safe. It's an invoice. Eventually, if I don't deal with these toxic traits, it can cost me peace. So in a season where she should have been enjoying the miracle of her children. Because for 20 years, we're going to talk about this in a second, for 20 years, she's unable to have them. The Bible says, I'm not going to bother this, but the Bible says Isaac prayed and the Lord opened her womb. Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife because she was childless, unable to conceive.

And the Lord answered his prayer. And his wife, Rebecca, became pregnant. So she deceives the man God used to bless us. (audience cheering) God almighty. (audience cheering) Did you hear what toxic traits will have your dysfunction? Damaging those who only did you good. (audience cheering) Isaac is like, what'd I do? (audience cheering) You deceiving me over something I pray for you to get. (audience cheering) You turned on me when you got what I pray for. (audience chattering) See, this is why this need needed to be. Thank you, Lord. This needed to be the sequel to relationship origin. 'Cause you can't do, and I can't do, any of the principles we taught in relationship origin without dealing with this. Because this will have you deceiving your Isaac. (audience chattering) 'Cause toxic traits don't discriminate. So the person who didn't do the crime is the person who has to do the time. That invoice is coming. It costs a piece. You know what else it costs? It costs a productivity. Look at all this work this woman had to do.

Girl, you coulda did something else with all of that time. (audience laughing) That's a lot. That's a lot of thinking, isn't it? Okay, now here's what we gonna do. All right, Esau gone, he's gonna be back. So this is what you need to do 'cause you can't hunt. You need to go out to the back and you need to pick the ghost then you bringing to me. So I'ma kill the ghost, then I'ma cook the ghost, then I'ma fix the ghost just like you want it. Then I'ma take the skin from the ghost, then I'ma put the skin from the ghost on you so that you, when you go in front of your daddy, if he rub you, he's gonna feel hair. He's gonna think that's it. That's a lot. But remember, chapter 24, she's a hardworking woman. (audience chattering) See, we need to have conversations about not just how the enemy weaponizes weaknesses but how the enemy weaponizes strengths. (audience cheering) 'Cause the same strength that God wanna use will be one that the devil will wanna use too. (audience cheering) So this same work ethic that helped her serve Abraham's servant in chapter 24 is the same work ethic that's got her scheming. She was working hard, serving as she's working hard,

scheming. Did you hear what I just said? So the question isn't just whether or not we have a strength. The question is what chapter of your life are you in and who's using that strength in that chapter? 'Cause some of us have the gift of words and you can articulate things persuasively with speech and that can be. (audience laughing) Let me come on, see? Come on now. Come on. That can be a strength that God uses to help people. (audience chattering) And the same gift of speech and persuasiveness is what some people use to exploit people, to become predators, to become manipulative and to take from people. The same resourcefulness that God can use can be the same resourcefulness that the enemy can use. It's not whether or not you have ability. The question is, who's influencing it? (audience clapping) And before you say God, my answer is it depends on your chapter. (audience clapping) Y'all are not, (audience clapping) I'm trying to see how far I can go here. I'm feeling her.

(audience chattering) Come on here. Sisters, some of you know, you are resourceful and that is a blessing when people are on the right side of your wrath. See, y'all told me, now I, but if they get on the wrong side of your wrath, you become CIA, you don't found social security numbers, phone passwords, you, (audience chattering) Oh, you had to tell me where you was at last, spent actually going to her husband what makes her think Isaac is not a reasonable man she all that she could she all the text doesn't even record her even trying to have a conversation with Isaac you didn't even try the text doesn't even record her asking God cuz maybe the virtue of a work ethic came out of the womb of a toxic trait of a need to control I have to do it all so maybe that's why I didn't point to you where the water was for your camels because maybe the toxic trait is also over functioning because some of us could ask we know you got a brother labin because you send Jacob to your brother why your daddy got you coming to do water anyway right where was your brother so because you were conditioned to over function you've been discipled into over functioning so all you know piece cost productivity and it costs people her husband dies so she loses him she has to send Jacob to labin so she don't get to keep him and then he saw eventually leaves so all the manipulation she was doing trying to keep people is what cost the people and you better ask Moses the invoice don't come immediately because he had that toxic trader anger didn't he then we killed that man the invoice didn't come when he got the commandments and he came down and he threw the tablets and broke those commandments I mean that's

that's God's word the invoice didn't come but then when God told him to speak to that rock and he hit that rock here come the invoice because the traits are expensive alright Tario that's all they can take and over the course of these next few weeks my heart for this house is that we would be human enough and secure enough to go before I heavenly father and acknowledge there are some things about me I can't see that are hurting me things I picked up that I weren't taught I just caught like Rebecca she caught some probably from exposure probably exposure in her family of origin because the Bible is very clear her brother's manipulative to in me brother Brock am I right about it I mean this man Jacob is his nephew this man to see this own nephew work for me seven years okay work for me seven more years like I mean it's dirty it's your nephew you cheating your own nephew that's your brother so you probably got exposed to that in your family of origin and then you marry into a family that's got some of the same deceptive issues so some of this some things you might have exposed to exposure assumptions she probably picked some of this up from assumptions because you know there was a prophetic word spoken That the elder was served the younger That was the word So what ends up happening is maybe she's assuming I Need to insert myself Into God's plan because if it don't happen this way I'm assuming it can't happen Now realizing that Jacob could steal the birthright Come on here, and he's I could get the blessing but none of that can stop no matter what they do They can't stop God from doing what God was gonna do and in spite of all of that Jacob is still the one whose name becomes Israel he's still the one that gives birth to the sons that become the 12 tribes of Israel But there are sometimes are you hear what I'm saying? these assumptions I Create in these traits if I don't do it. It won't be done

And then last but not least injury Now my critique of Rebecca is how she handled acid I Don't blame Rebecca for not respecting him She did you hear what I just said yeah, I'm not excusing disrespect I just talked about that, but I understand why she wouldn't respect it We're gonna talk about this with Abraham in this series Because the same thing Abraham did when he got to Gerard and said his wife was his sister Read the text. It's the exact Isaac travels to Gerard. He does the same thing So now a wife's supposed to respect you When to spare your own life You tell people who you think are gonna kill you to take her she your sister You let her go with them Then she's supposed to come back to you and say lead me It's quite it's quiet. It's really quiet So she shouldn't That had to wound that woman She's got to be thinking you will let me land another man and When Abraham did it he was wrong Right when the people like like man, why do you tell me this was your wife thought you's gonna kill me assumptions Isaac does the same thing You can't tell me that in the womb that woman Just because she stayed that means she healed. Let me go Now also think she goes 20 years in a context where your worth was connected to your ability to bear children and For 20 years in a marriage she couldn't Just because you got through it doesn't mean you're still not hurt by it And sometimes those injuries can't create some traits But here's what I want us to see you can't see you God has to show you you And so here's my heart for us over the next few weeks

As we walk through this series My heart is for God to show you some stuff you and I may have picked up from our exposure Some ways we have that we may be that we may be living out because of our assumptions And some things in us that we may be carrying because of our injuries Now there's a word we use often. It's called integrity Here's it's used often but but defined rarely it's got roots etymologically in in a word that's in mathematics called integer Which deals with wholeness Whole numbers are y'all following me so integrity Literally etymologically speaks to wholeness It means the more integrity I have The less difference between my chapter 24 and 27 The God begins to make me consistent And the same person that shows up in 24 Becomes the person (congregation applauding) I wanna pray for us. Can I do that? - Yes. - I wanna pray for us. In this room, online, Father, I pray that over these next few weeks, you would do a supernatural surgical work in us. There's some things in me that don't show up until my chapter 27. Show me. Show me the fruit. And Father, help me deal with the root.

I've been born into your family. So re-parent me. Re-form me. Shape me and mold me until I become everything you've called me to be. In Jesus' name, set me free from toxic traits. You believe that? You receive that? Come on and say, "Man." (congregation applauding) Who received that for your life to it? I received that. Now, may the Lord bless you. May He keep you. May He cause His face a favor to shine upon you. May He be gracious to you. May He protect you. May He provide for you. And above all else, may He grant you peace. This is my prayer for your life. In Jesus' name. Amen. Happy homecoming, everybody.