The Tension of Grace | 1 Samuel 19

I'm realizing how much of my prayer times don't have to be about outcomes. And they really just need to be about being with him. And it's like, oh, that's enough. I didn't have to like, oh, look at this inside I got from the Bible. Okay, now I'm done. Or, oh, look at this prayer that I was able to pray. Okay, now I'm done. It's like, no, just like starting my morning in his presence. This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people. Just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. Hey, I'm Chuck. I'm Zach. Vivian. Amish. And we continue in first Samuel. And you know, it's interesting. So I think we talked about this earlier. There's a lot of blood, blood shed, violence, war in this whole book. But we're in this really interesting part where it's about friendship. And it's about the friendship of the future king, David, and Jonathan, who's actually the son of the current king. By the way, who wants to kill his friend? Jonathan's father saw wants to kill David. And I would say David's biggest advocate, his biggest defender, is actually Jonathan. Jonathan, in fact, in this chapter and others kind of goes toe to toe with his dad around why taking care of David that way is terrible. Like, you know, this is a guy who served you well. And it makes me wonder about a time when you had that kind of friend, like a friend who fought

for you or a friend who really showed up for you. What's a story from your life about that? I can name a whole group of friends, honestly, because last year when I lost my dad, in a lot of ways, I still feel like loss is the wrong word, but confused. And it was these group of friends, my friend Grant, my friend Victor, my friend Greg, my friend Ben, my friend Zach, who were all part of this group who stood by me, let me vent, let me cry, but also pulled me out of it. Challenge me weirdly enough, like, which is a weird thing to say, like, after your father passes, but challenges me to, you know, be the man that God has called me to be for my family, with my kids, and encouraged me. And I don't know what I learned about that was number one, man, it's so awesome to have a group of friends like that who will just sit with you. Like, if they have meetings, I'll forget the meetings, I'll just sit with you. But number two is someone who can embody the character of Jesus and give you grace and truth at the same time. Yeah. It's so important. That tension is so important. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I, my guess is none of us are going to give the story of someone who was afraid to tell us the truth. Sure. Yeah. Probably not the, when you think about how they fought for you, there was probably an element of that. So what about for you guys? What was the story comes to mind? Someone that fought for me is my buddy David. He, interestingly enough, like, he brought me into this thing where he was, it was his work, and he brought me in, and I was able to help out with that work and I ended up me getting a job that was like leaving the job I had before, which like I had a master's degree in. Like, I was like, I was prepared to do that job. Yeah. And I got called into this whole other different thing because he was like, hey, my, my buddy needs to be here. So that's led to a very different life for me. And one that I think that I, I don't know if that would have happened if he wouldn't advocate for me for that. Let me, let me pick up on that because my guess is there was a cost to David in there. Sure. Yeah. Because I could have beefed it. Yeah. Yeah. I could have came in and he was putting something on the line. Totally. Yeah. Because if I, I came in and shocked, then that would have been right. We were like, well, I guess we're going to trust David a little less now. Yeah. That's good, man. I had a story that maybe is from a different angle. Yeah. I was part of a group of, of women that were close friends and we had a, one of our friends really wanted to be married.

And she ended up getting engaged to this guy that everyone didn't feel good about. And no one wanted to tell her because they weren't sure how she would receive it. Because she really wanted this. She really wanted it. Yeah. And so I drew the short straw. I felt compelled by God. And so I, I had the conversation and I said, hey, you know, I know you really want to be married, but I'm really concerned that this may not be the right person for you. And it costs is she went forward with it. She had told her then husband, and then he pulled her away from the group of women that were her friends. And it went really poorly. She ended up going through a really bad marriage, was on welfare, a lot of things happened, and then went through a bad divorce. And so it cost something at the time because she was a very dear friend, and I knew by speaking up that there was that risk. And then when she came out of it, we were still there. Still loved her, and we were able to help her, then get back on her feet, re-establish herself, get confidence in, and just be a good friend. But at the time, some of you have to do things that might cost you something personally in order for the well-being of the end of the person. - Yeah, yeah, let me ask a very simple question. Why'd you do it anyway? - Well, because actually she had been involved with a guy before, I didn't say anything to her. She ended up breaking up with the guy,

and then afterwards I said, "Hey, I thought that was not gonna go well, "but I didn't wanna say anything "because I didn't wanna rain on your parade." And she was like, "You're my friend. "You should tell me these things. "I would wanna hear it." And so, because she had said that before, I said, "Okay, she is my friend." And it's not just that I don't like any of the guys she picks, it was that-- - She has a pattern, it sounds like. - No, that we saw some things in there that didn't seem good for her, and so it was worth it, because I wanted it to be a good friend to her more important to me than having her necessarily be in my life. That's right, man. These are such great examples of costly friendship, right? Costly friendship, fighting for someone, and what that really looks like. And I think the question that we can all come to this with is like, "Well, who needs that in my life right now?" But before we ask the who question, it's like, let's unpack the how. So when you think about what your friends gave you when they were with you in that moment, what you got from David, what you were able to provide for you,

what, break that down. Like, what does it look like to be that kind of a friend to someone? - Man, it costs something. It costs putting your reputation on the line. I think it costs some comfortability. It sounds like with your friend. - Yeah. - Yeah, and, but that's the thing about like, you know, when you're with the king of the universe is like, there's more where it came from. You know, whenever there's a withdrawal to be made, he's got it, you know? - Yeah, I love that. I think it also takes time. Because I think you have to have time to demonstrate you're a faithful friend to really know the person and not make vast judgments on people where you have more superficial relationships with. I trust people who know me really well, and they can say the hard things because they've been around for a long time. - That's good. That's good. - 'Cause I couldn't have said that to your friend. (all laughing) - No, that's how you look at God. (all laughing) - I love that too because, you know,

one of the things I'm always reminded of when we read the Bible is sometimes we're reading highlights from a story. - Hi. - David and Jonathan had time together in the trench, like to your point. Like it wasn't like, you know, they didn't go from like, hey, we're gonna be best friends too. I'm gonna tell my dad not to kill you. Like no, they had a, there was a journey there, you know? Like David, Mary, Jonathan, sister. And so I'm sure that took their relationship to a different place. So like, it's allowing time for that to happen, which means we have to be willing to, it costs time, right? And I think about in my life where like, I've got three kids and I've got all these things. It's taken an investment to keep friendships healthy and whole. And it always feels like, well, I'm doing that at the cost of like, I could be here with my family. It's like, I think my wife is really good about understanding like, that's a cost you need to invest. You need to have healthy friendships. And so yeah, when you think about your friends, what was it that you see that they did to stand by you? - You know, for that instance, there was a lot of like, I think just discernment of when to just sit and listen and just be an ear and when to use their voice. For me personally, I struggle with like, if someone is telling me something, I wanna help fix it.

And I think it really does come from a place of like caring. But that's also how I would do something. Not what they should do or what God might be leading them to do. And so for my friends, what I just admire so much is they would just sit and listen. - Yeah, yeah. - They resist the desire to fix. I don't know if this is over-spiritualizing it, but like God just be present in like the words that are being said in the room that we're sitting in. So that like naturally discernment process can take place. - That's right, that's right. I think this is so good. And you know, like I said, oftentimes we see things in the Old Testament, this older part of the Bible that reflect Jesus. And I think that's true in friendship. I think Jesus is that kind of friend to us if we will let him be. Like there's a cost that he was willing to pay to be our friend, right? He was willing to give his life. It takes time. There's a level of getting uncomfortable. And there's a level of just him being present in our lives. And this, something I'm wrestling with right now is like, I think as I get older and walk more in relationship with Jesus, I'm realizing how much of my prayer times don't have to be about outcomes. And they really just need to be about being with him.

And it's like, oh, that's enough. I didn't have to like, oh, look at this inside I got from the Bible. Okay, now I'm done. Or, oh, look at this prayer that I was able to pray. Okay, now I'm done. It's like, no, just like starting my morning in his presence. And then like, all right, Jesus, I'm gonna go get dressed now. I'm gonna go to work now, whatever it is. Like that's part of what it means to have him be that kind of friend. And we get to be that kind of friend too. So look, maybe there's somebody in your life, maybe you know exactly who it is, who needs you to be that kind of friend. A costly friendship. It's worth it. It's worth the investment. You might be the only person who's willing to be present with them in that moment. And if you want that kind of friendship, start with Jesus. I know that sounds trite, but you're watching a Bible app at a church. So you probably expect me to say that. And I mean it. I mean it. Jesus wants to be that kind of friend to you. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)