The Real Housewives of the Bible || Dr. Dharius Daniels

'cause it's gonna be very direct. (audience laughs) I want you to hear the heart of your heavenly Father. Not trying to show you what's wrong, but trying to invite you into a deeper where what's right. I want you to receive it with that posh shap. I believe that's the heart of God for us. That's my heart for this message. So give me Ephesians chapter five, give me verse 33. We're going right to work in the name of Jesus and my intercessors who know the worth of prayer and the words of prayer. Pray for your bishop 'cause we go in there. All right, Ephesians five, 33 says, "However each one of you must love his wife "as he loves himself and the wife "must respect her husband." I got, it's a bunch of y'all in here. I got eight A-mans there. I want to talk from this stuff, stop the reading of the scripture there. The word of God for the people of God, thanks be to God. I want to talk from this subject family, the real housewives of the Bible. The real housewives of the Bible. The Bible. There's a story that's told of an individual who wanted, who told a friend that they desperately desired a job. And this person had a past that indicated

they were very particular about the kind of jobs that they worked and so the friend engaged them strategically and intentionally in an attempt to elicit information that would help them dictate and determine what kind of job this person would be open to. This person seemed to have communicated, they were in such dire straits, they would be open to what they were not typically open to when it came to employment. So this friend who had what I believe, one of the greatest forms of wealth, which is relational wealth, leveraged some of their relationships, made some phone calls, pulled some strings, and they were able to get this other individual and interview at Waffle House. This individual shows up at Waffle House uniquely enthusiastic about the opportunity, they did an amazing job, they were hired on the spot. They show up for their first day of work a few days later, excited about the opportunity. And when they are paired with their trainer, their trainer begins to walk them through the responsibilities associated with the role and the trainer said, "All right, let me show you how to clean the counter." And they said, "Clean the counter." I don't wanna clean the counter. Training said, "Okay, well let me show you

"how to wash the dishes." They said, "Wash the dishes." I don't wanna wash the dishes. Training said, "Okay, well let me show you "how to mop the floor." They said, "Mop the floor." I don't wanna mop the floor. Trainer said, "Okay, let me show you how to cook the grits." They said, "Cook the grits." I don't wanna cook the grits. Finally, the trainer said, "Well, let me show you how to make some waffles." They said, "Make some waffles." I don't wanna make some waffles. The trainer looked at them with concern and confusion and said, "How do you want to work at Waffle House "and you don't wanna make waffles?" The trainer then generously and graciously articulated an observation that was simple yet very significant. The trainer said, "You really don't want a job. "You wanna check." (audience cheering) And ladies and gentlemen, if you are wondering why I am starting a sermon telling you a story about Waffle House, here's why. What happened in the story about Waffle House reveals a reality that often exists in relationships. They are individuals who say they want relationships

but they don't wanna work. They want a wedding, they want rings, they want romantic rendezvous in Bali, on balconies and on boats, but not responsibility. They want marital status without marital service. (audience cheering) But here's an accent, we got to embrace family. Relationships actually require your work. Marriage is not just a relationship you enter, it is a set of responsibilities you assume. And if I'm not ready for the responsibility, I'm not actually ready for marital relationship because if you're going to work at Waffle House, you must be willing to make some waffles. (audience cheering) This is actually what a spiritual leader named Paul. I'm getting some interesting energy here but I'm gonna stay in this book is what I'm gonna do. This is the essence of what a spiritual leader named Paul Ephesians is often called by those of us in contemporary church context a book, but it's not actually a book, it is actually a letter, a pastoral epistle, that an individual named Paul, while he is incarcerated in Rome, writes to believers that are a part of a spiritual family, he had the privilege of planting about three years prior to him writing this letter. This letter is not only an expression of his love for the Ephesians, it is an act of defiance against an enemy. He is in prison, watch this, he's experiencing incarceration, but he refuses to allow his incarceration to stop him from making his contribution. He refused to allow his misery to stop him from carrying out his ministry. He refused to allow his pain to distract him from carrying out his purpose because he understood something that all of us need to understand and embrace, that the devil will use difficulty to distract you from your destiny. That the difficulty you experience is not always about the difficulty you're experiencing,

it's the devil using the difficulty you're experiencing to distract you from the ministry you're supposed to be engaging in. See all throughout scripture we see examples of the enemy messing with stuff he's really not after. Did you hear what I just said? The thing he's messing with is not the thing he's after. Here's how Jesus labels him in John 10, a thief. He says the thief comes, is that what he says, to steal, to kill, and destroy, and thieves often use distraction in order to take from you what they want from you, and the enemy will use distraction as an attempt to take from you what he wants from you, but I know what service I'm at. I'm at the 1230 service, I know where I'm at, and I just want to know am I talking to anybody at the 1230 service who's made a decision, he will not get what he's after. I know what you're doing devil, you're trying to distract me, but I'm gonna stay focused. I know what you're doing devil, you're trying to break my commitment, but I'm gonna stay committed. I know what you're doing devil, you're trying to stop me from building because I've been talking about building, and now I'm finally start to build, and now you're trying to throw these things in my life to distract me from building, but I'm gonna build anyway. My gut, I'm gonna build with tears in my eyes, I'm gonna build with confusion in my mind, I'm gonna build with my heart as hold, I'm gonna build with my heart as broken. The entire book of Joe, which we're gonna study next year, or a large part of the book of Joe, which we're gonna study next year exposes us to what I'm trying to articulate. Literally, it shows you that the things that the enemy messes with Joe are not the things he was after. Read the narrative. The narrative begins with the enemy and God engaging in a conversation about Joe's commitment and faithfulness. God is bragging on Joe. Did you hear what I just said? Yeah, the narrative opens with Satan going to God, basically saying, and God's like, where are you being? He's like, I've been to and fro. I've been in Douglasville, I've been in Stone Mountain, I've been in Buckhead, I've been in Fayetteville, looking for somebody's life to disrupt and destroy and God recommends Joe. Read the text. Have you considered my servant Joe? In other words, he's saying, I got one, you can't break. No matter what you throw at him, I've got one that is so locked in and so in love with me, you can't break this one. And he starts messing with Joe's with Joe's kids, starts messing with Joe's cattle, and he still didn't get what he wanted, because he wanted Joe's commitment. He wanted Joe, watch the words, to curse him to his face. But Joe said, I'm going old school here, the good Lord give it. What am I churchy? I just need my churchy sex in here. I'll come back to the rest of you. I need my churchy, the good Lord give it, and the good

Lord take it away. But bless it be the name of the Lord. So Paul is in prison. Still carrying out his purpose. So from prison in Rome, he writes this letter to believers in Ephesus. In the first part of the letter, chapters one through three, he deals primarily with their identity, because he knows you'll always behave in a way that is consistent with how you see yourself, that how far are you going, how much you grow is not just based on what you believe about God, it's based on what you believe about yourself. And when the enemy can't get your belief about God wrong, he'll try to make sure that your belief about self isn't right. He knew they were in a context where their identity had been shaped by the values and the ideology and the perspective of Ephesus. He spent three years there on a missionary journey. He's familiar with the culture. He's familiar with the issues. He's familiar with the strongholds that were a part of that society. And he says, "I gotta reintroduce you to who you actually are." So in chapter one, I gotta tell you, you seated with him in heavenly places. Chapter two, excuse me, chapter two. Did you hear what I just said? Chapter one, he has, "He prays that the eyes "of your understanding be enlightened. "I need you to see."

Not only the hope of your calling, but the glorious riches of his inheritance taught us that belief. So he's introducing him to the identity, he's, "I gotta get you to see you differently." I gotta get you, I gotta fix your identity before I fix your activity. See, I don't even have time to second way try to start with activity. He says, "But I know I can't change your activity "until I change your identity. "I gotta get you to see you differently." So it's been three chapters, talking about, really in my summation, three into four, talking about identity. And then four through six, talking about activity. He says, "Let me do what you believe." And let's talk about how that belief should impact your behavior. And in chapter five, going into the top of chapter six, he's articulating the way how you've been changed spiritually should show up. And how you do things, relationally. So he has conversations about employers and employees, and parents. And here in this section of chapter five, he's talking about how what has happened to you spiritually. My God, should change how you show up, relationally. He's not giving them in just instruction Trent, he's giving them an invitation for elevation.

Did you hear what I just said? I said, he's not just giving them instruction for them to obey. He's giving them an invitation for elevation. It's like he said, "I know what you've seen in your kingdom. "And I know what you've seen in terms of the quality "of relationships in your kingdom." Now let me introduce you to what's possible in God's. It's better than you've seen. It's better than you've witnessed. It's more to it than you've experienced. And so what he does is he begins to spend some time and we looked at this on last week, introducing to them, particularly in the context of marriage, some of their roles and responsibilities as a husband. Are y'all here? - Yeah. - And we talked about that last week. But today, we're gonna explore, we're gonna start with Paul and we're gonna spend over the Solomon and then into some other writers, but we're gonna explore how the scriptures inform our roles and responsibilities, the roles and responsibilities of a wife. If I'm a work, I need to know my job description. Paul is laying out in Ephesians the job description. And there are five areas of responsibility that I want us to explore that I think the scriptures speak very clearly to

when it comes to roles and responsibilities of a wife. Here's the first one. It's right here in verse 32 and 33. The first one is a wife is to respect the husband. [BLANK_AUDIO] All right. I want y'all to come back second Sunday in October. I'm starting a new series then called "We Outside." I'm going to spend several weeks talking to you about purpose. So, yeah, because your purpose is outside of here. Anyway, Ephesians 5, we'll look at verse 22. Paul says, this is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ in the church. So, he's talking about the imagery. He's using the imagery of Christ being married to the church to inform the way we see, listen to this now, husbands being married to wives. He says, so, in order for your earthly relationship to be a reflection of the heavenly relationship between Christ and his church, the husband must love his wife. Verse 30, are you here? "Must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect." Media, y'all not following me. You on 21, I'm on 33. Yes, please, 33. Each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect the husband. Now, notice what he says now, in order for my earthly relationship to properly reflect the spiritual relationship between Christ and his church, the husband's got a love and the wife's got a respect. So, the question is, why the distinction? Why didn't he just say love each other? Maybe because the one who made the man and the one who made the woman knows how the man he made and the woman he made actually receives love. Maybe a man doesn't feel love if he's not respected. And it is so essential to a marriage that reflects Christ's relationship with his church. Look at the text. He says, "A wife must." And Paul Stewart's and Hendo's power in a very healthy way. He's not a territorial leader. He's not overly concerned about what's going on in people's life. So, when he says, "Must," he's not saying, "Must" from a place of authority. He's saying, "This don't work if you don't do this." Are we okay, family? Now, here's what's interesting. When we read respect in 2026 in the western part of the world, we're thinking one thing. But when they read respect, when he wrote this, they're thinking another. See, because when we read the Bible, we're often imposing what a word means in our day on what the author meant in his day.

So, for us, for us family, I want you to catch this. Paul is not simply using the word respect to refer to polite. Paul, who's a multi-night bilingual, he's a multilingual man. Hebrew, but he's a Roman citizen, so he writes in Greek. And there's a Greek word he uses for respect that is ordinarily reserved for the way a person regards someone or something that they have a reverence for. So, his understanding of respect cannot be reduced to politeness. Notice he doesn't say wives don't disrespect. He says wives respect. In other words, just because you're not being disrespectful doesn't mean you're respecting. That you're treating the person as a person that is an actual image-barrow of God. This is a domestic application of a universal Christian obligation to assign weight to persons made in the image of God. The Greek word Paul uses means to treat someone as weighty, to grant them gravity, to regard them as significant. So, when someone is disrespectful, you're communicating, you're insignificant. Your opinion is insignificant. Your contribution to this house is- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] relational rudeness. It's ontological which deals with being. It is ontological deflation. It's a deflation of my being. It is literally an expression of dehumanization where I'm not being talked to or treated like an image bearer of God. And disrespect is not just reduced to words. It's exposed through actions. It is verbal and non-verbal dishonor that is displayed through sarcasm, arrows, sneers, heavy breathing. And Paul is saying, you can have a marriage that survives with disrespect. You can have a marriage that stays together 40 years with disrespect. But you can't have a marriage that reflects Christ's relationship with the church with disrespect. He says a wife must. He makes a very affirmative statement without giving an explanation. And even though Paul doesn't explain it theologically, listen to me, it is supported psychologically. Many of you are familiar with, if you're in a relational world, you're familiar with John Gottman's work. And although I don't think Mr. Gottman is a Christian, there's some aspects of his work that I find very fruitful and helpful. And he did some research at the University of Washington, and he identified four communication patterns that he labeled the four horsemen of the apocalypse. In other words, if relationships chronically, not periodically, if they chronically struggle with these four things in their communication patterns, they are doomed for destruction. In all of his years of counseling people and coaching couples, he's seen, when these four things consistently exist, it won't be long now. Criticism,

defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Contempt is an expression of disrespect. And he says it's the most destructive out of the four horsemen, because disrespect does damage. You don't see. It's a womb that leads to withdrawal. And when a man withdraws under consistent contempt, some people in culture who are intellectually lazy call it immaturity and passivity. When sometimes a man withdrawing is the wisest move for a man to make when he is dealing with a woman who is not exercising the fruit of the spirit called temperance. And she can't see she's crossed the line. So she's winning the argument, but she's losing him. She's venting, but he's not a garbage can. She's venting, but then she's undermining his value. It's quiet. Withdrawal is not always a weakness. Sometimes it is the only option you have given him other than talking to you the way he would talk to another man if another man were talking to him that way. But because he's the third way man, he honors the wife as the weak of vessel. So he won't give you the energy you're giving him. So he withdraws. So he doesn't disrespect. Because in his mind, it's the only place where anybody get to talk to me like this. Even when the frustration you feel is legitimate, disrespect is still unwise. And the disrespectful energy impacts his attraction. You don't find disrespect attractive. He doesn't find disrespect effective. So, but because he's a kingdom man, he'll still hold your hand. But because he's a human man, he just won't mean it. So my question for you is, do you want him to do it or do you want him to mean it? Now, this was the other way around. Y'all would have told this shirt job right there. I said if this was the other way around, y'all would have told this whole shirt job. You want him to mean it? I'm going to do it. Do you want me to mean it? Just because I love you doesn't mean I love this. I love you. I don't love this. It's ontological deflation. >> Respect the hud. I'm going to stay in this book now. I'm going to stay right in this book. Second thing Paul teaches is to relinquish not independence, but hyper-independence. Wives. Verse 22, "Wives, submit yourselves, not women, submit to men.

And wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the..." Now I know the word submission elicits all sorts of emotions. And what I want you to understand at this church, I always want you to give me the opportunity to articulate to you what I mean when I use the word. So always give me the opportunity to tell you what I mean. We can disagree, but at least disagree with what I mean, not what you think I mean. Okay? So this is interesting here because this exegetical ignorance and irresponsibility has end abuse. Some of it's unintentional, some of it is yes, perspective of passages perverted by patriarchy. So as a result of that, this concept of submission is often misunderstood, misapplied, and in some cases misused. However, at Chain Church, we do not believe you abandon what's biblical because somebody abused it. You don't fix wrong teaching by non-teaching. You fix wrong teaching by right teaching. So let's be clear on what this does not mean. Submission does not mean inferiority. It does not mean invisibility. It does not mean inactivity. It does not mean absence of agency. You are your own person with your own mind. You can make your own decisions, you have your own autonomy. This is not a removal of autonomy. It is a recognition of when you need to surrender. Your wishes. Listen to this now. Are y'all okay? Paul uses a word here. Paul uses a word that carries the idea of placing oneself under.

This is literally the word to use. Hypotasso, put yourself under. Willingly yield. This is the Greek concept. If we were to go from Greek and would explore the etymological roots of this in the English language, it's the synthesis of two words, sub which means under. Mission. So submission, if we were to go from the Greek to the English, submission means getting under the mission God gave the husband. It means I refuse to get in the way of what God say you're supposed to be to me. It's quiet. Come on. So if part of the husband's job is to be a protector and he says when you get there, text me, let me know you got there safe. You say why you always want to be on my line and why you trying to control me. I'm not trying to control you. I'm trying to do my job. Get under my mission and just send my text. If he says I don't like you going to that side of town by yourself, you don't know where I'm from. I'm stronger than you. You know what I got in my purse. Please just take your friend with you to that side of town. Let me do my job. I'm straight. You know what I got in this purse? I'm straight. Relax. Got that fire on me. Relax.

Say God's giving him a mission. Why does he have to fight to do his job? This isn't about whether we eat at Burger King or McDonald's. This is about getting under what's mission critical. This isn't about what color we paint the walls. This is about getting under what's mission critical. Now, here's... Now, let me just say something here. Women are not the only ones who have discernment. And men are not the only ones who have pride. It's a pride for women too. And pride inhibits our ability to perceive where we need to be led. A garden can't see its own weeds. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] So let me ask you, sir, everybody need to be led. But you? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Everybody got blind spots. But you know all yours? [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] But here's what happens. People who might be in second way, but in this area of their life, live in first way, will come in a covenant with somebody that they like. But they don't respect enough to be led by it. And so now they want to rewrite this. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Because passive is sweet until you need assertive.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I got to go. He's so sweet, passive is sweet until life back you in a corner. And you need the lion to come out of that man to say we stepping into all that God has for us. Somebody you can run over feel real good until life's all running over you. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] And you got to stand in front of it instead of having a man to say get behind me. I got this. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I'm not playing PlayStation while you work three jobs. You take care of the kids. I'm putting us on my back. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Y'all hear rumbling in the house? He telling you to go see what's going-- Baby, go see what's going on. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] This feels like inequity. It feels like God's asking something of the woman that is not asking of the man. And if you feel that way, you're reading the text wrong. Because he's telling both of them to be like Jesus. Both of these require equal. He say, hey, I need you to love her the way I love you. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] I need you to honor her as the week of vessel.

So you can't match her energy. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] She can't handle it from you. Oh, gosh, she can't handle that from you. So when he says, love them as I love you, he's telling the husband, be like Jesus. And when he tells the wife, submit to him out of reverence for me. He's telling both of them, be like Jesus. Because in the garden against Timothy, you know what he had to do? Submit. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Look at his prayer. If it is possible, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but your will be done. Listen to me. It's not submission till we don't agree. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Jesus didn't lose his will in the garden. He surrendered it. He didn't lose his opinion in the garden. He surrendered it. He didn't lose his desire in the garden. He surrendered it. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Which is why the Bible lays out an authority structure that that structure is in place. You can get married without that structure. You just know you take an unnecessary risk.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Christ, head of the man. Christ leading the man means the man is safe to lead the woman. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] When Christ is not there, you're coming under the authority of somebody who not under authority. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Good luck with that. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Good luck with that. So Christ is not leading him and dealing with his insecurities and dealing with his control issues and dealing with his narcissism. So he takes-- he confuses leading you with controlling you and you want fruit loops. Fruit loops. And he talked about that you need frosted flakes. You can't even pick the kind of cereal you want. Because you got with somebody who's not under authority but in authority. You got them bags though. This is a completely different, we're gonna have to put both of these messages on YouTube. This is a completely different message. I don't know what it is, there's 12, 30, y'all. He's telling a husband and a wife, y'all both got to be like Jesus. Relinquishing hyper-independence means I can bring my full voice to the marriage without insisting that my voice must always be the final one. Number three, now this is not something Paul explicitly states in his letter to believers in Ephesus, it is something he states in his letter to believers in Corinth in 1 Corinthians. And so this third one is respond to his needs.

Respond to his needs. Now, notice I didn't say wants. I didn't say wants. Notice I didn't say preferences. I said needs. I need media to put that up a little longer. Let's just leave that one up there a little bit. Ah, let that one marinate right there. What are we talking about here? Relational needs that are only biblically sanctioned to be met by you. So if God say this is the only place he can get affection, I'm not affected. If this is the only place that's biblically sanctioned for him to get it, for him to get intimacy. So Paul addresses this. Now, when Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians, I want to warn you. He addresses it as it relates to the physical domain. I want to expand. I want to broadly apply this passage, not just to physical needs, because all that changes in seasons and cycles of marriage. I want us to look at this passage, even though Paul is talking about physical needs, I want us to expand the application of this passage to relational needs. Things that God say, you can only get this from your spouse. Because when a woman refuses to give him what God says, they can only get from you. What you're saying is, I don't care if you're frustrated, just stay faithful. And no matter the frustration, he should be faithful. But what you're saying is, I care more about your faithfulness than your frustration. He should be faithful. When he's frustrated, when he's mad, when he's sad, there's never an excuse for that. That is always a decision. No matter what happens, it is always a decision.

It is always their choice. So, even though you can't take responsibility for somebody else's choice, you do have to acknowledge when you're contributing to their frustration. I got -- okay. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, each woman, her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty as part of your job to the wife and likewise to her husband. His wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but use it to her husband in the same way the husband don't have authority over his own body and use it to his wife. Paul is not -- he is not saying you don't have autonomy over your body. He's not saying you have no agency, no say, no control over what you do with your body. He is pushing back against people in Corinth who are married yet who are still behaving in this area like they single. He's saying yes, you and you alone determine what you do with your body. But as you are making that determination, you need to consider that your body now is a gift to the person you said I do to. It's quiet in here. He said, "You just need to consider that this is the only body he can give." doing, I'm teaching us walking through the wisdom literature, we're going to talk about San Ghazal. Yes, we are. So watch what Paul says. Paul says, "Do not deprive each other except for by mutual consent for a time period so that you may devote yourself to prayer, then come back together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of control." So whenever somebody acts out of control, it is their fault and their fault only. They are 100% responsible for how they respond to whatever the dynamics of the marriage are. So even though they try to blame you, you ain't give me and you, they ain't the decision. Ain't no oops, I'm in the apartment, oops, I'm in the bedroom, oops, I'm in the bed.

That's a bunch of oops. That's decisions, but Paul says even though you are not responsible for any decision a person makes, you can contribute to creating an environment that makes marriage vulnerable to what it wasn't vulnerable to. And second way and first way, treats intimacy like a reward for good behavior. Like a grown man in Scooby-Doo, you been a good boy today. You get a Scooby snack, I'm a grown man. You're gonna be on that couch tonight, you're gonna be, I got you. And what can happen is, I'll tell you what can happen is, I think a lot of the unhealthy stuff that exists in the red pill community is like an overreaction to, like the attractive, the way some particularly young men are attracted to some of those toxic ideologies is because we have allowed men almost to be dehumanized, whereas like their knees don't matter. Now you wanted to marry a man, right? So that means he not you. You can't say you want a man and they want them to think like you, they're appetite to be like you, yours, their desires to be like yours, they're knees of it, you say you wanted a man. All right, this is, and what can happen is that contributes to a culture where men's knees are dismissed and dismissing these men's, dismissing men's knees is to minimize the need itself, is when a woman gives the you'll be all right energy. Everybody else eating your husband, hey he'll be all right. Baby it's been three weeks, this has been intimacy, he'll be all right. So in this case, when you dismiss the need isn't outright rejected, it shrunk till it no longer seems to require response, but a need doesn't disappear just because it's dismissed. It simply goes unmet and over time that creates distance, and a man who has stopped sharing his needs isn't a man who stopped having them, they just stop believing you care. When we don't dismiss sometimes they defer, which is when the need is acknowledged but perpetually postponed, it's like your need matters just never now. And sometimes a need cannot be met right away, we understand that.

Couples got to navigate that together. But perpetual postponement sends this message, I hear you but I'm not willing to rearrange anything for you, I'm going to get to you when I get to you. Even though I stood at an altar with a dress on and told God you will be my priority in terms of my number one Earth. And sometimes when they don't defer, we demonize, treat masculine needs like it's like it's a character flaw. Now, let me be clear. Every request is not reasonable or biblical, but just because his needs are different doesn't mean they should be demonized. All you care about is intimacy. I have testosterone. We're not wired the same. I have more of it than you. But when there's the absence of empathy, he's not even asked. When we have laws, how does that affect you? What does that do to you emotionally? Does it create any degree of physical uncomfortability? Have you asked? All right. Tariot, not tariot, tears, play. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Number four, refuse to be a liability. Give me Proverbs. Now we're going to go to Solomon. Give me Proverbs, chapter 14, verse 1. Are y'all okay? This is -- it seems like this is going well today. God bless you. The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down. Now, since I'm going to say something to you, I'm going to hold your hand while I say this. You are not automatically an asset because you are a woman. You are an asset because of the kind of woman you are. Being a female doesn't automatically make your asset. Give me the text. Notice the contrast. It's two types of women in the text. Proverbs 14, one. Two types of women. The wise woman. That's the one that builds the house. And then the foolish one, that's the one that tears it down. One's an asset. One's a liability. And I know cultures created these colloquialisms like, I am the table. That sound cute. But just because that is true of some doesn't mean it is true of all. And the Hebrew word here translated foolish is not intellectual deficiency. It's moral folly, which is a stubborn resistance to wisdom. This is not simply somebody who doesn't know better. This somebody who can be instructed but refuses to be corrected. They repeatedly choose what's destructive despite having access to what's wise. A mistake doesn't make you a liability, but refusing to learn from them does. Good God from Zion. One of the clearest pictures of this is seen in Proverbs 11, 22. Like a gold ring in a pig snout is a beautiful woman

who shows no discretion. Discretion. Knowing how to read a room. Discretion. Knowing what to say and what not to say. Discretion. Who to bring close, who to keep at a distance. Discretion. Who I share what to. Discretion. Not allowing how I'm feeling emotionally to bleed to the wrong person unwisely. This is a wise woman that's building. But the foolish one is tearing it down. Well, man feels, man, we spend all these years building this family, building this business, building what God has placed in our hands. And he wants to feel like I can trust that someone's not going to act emotionally or erratically and put in jeopardy. All that God has done as we try to steward it faithfully. This is not an intellectually inferior person. This is the person you can't tell nothing to. They fighting you in the areas where God's trying to fix. See, the challenge is unaddressed issues are not a liability in every season. So there are seasons where they don't cost you much. But then when you don't deal with it, you hit a season where it costs you everything. it's gonna be the thing that tear everything down. (congregation cheering) 'Cause your anger Moses was a liability when you killed that man and you buried him and God gave you grace for that. And your anger was a liability when you came down from the mountain and you threw down the tablets and you broke them, but God gave you grace for that. But then when he told you to speak to that rock and you hit that rock, now he said, now this thing that I tried to fix, this habit you wasn't willing to break, now you in a season where it's gonna break you. Baby, God's done too much for you to go off. Let me tell them people got phones out now, baby, you can't do that. I'm done. Number five, release your assets.

(congregation cheering) This is not what Paul says, this is not what Solomon says. God himself says in Genesis two, it's not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper, that word helper doesn't mean it's assistant, that word helper is a Hebrew word, Ezra, it speaks to, it's actually used several times in the Old Testament to speak to the help that God gives. That my sister God put gifts, talents, traits on the inside of you because there are things that he cannot be fruitful in or multiply, literally or metaphorically, without what God gave you. And you gotta release that. And sometimes when he's asking you for help, you see additional responsibility as opposed to affirmation of the fact that you're asset. So when he's saying, I need you to do more, you like something else, it's because he sees something and you he need. He's trying to pull it out of you. (audience applauds) And sometimes what happens is the absence of appreciation and the presence of pain will stop you from releasing your assets. It's when you give your perspective and it seems like you keep dismissing it, so you stop giving it. It's when you release words of affirmation, but because the 40-year-old husband didn't respond like the four-year-old son,

you think it don't matter so you stop sharing it. 'Cause when you tell the four-year-old son, look at man, man, man, man, got muscles, he like. (audience laughs) But then when you tell the 40-year-old husband, you're doing good, that's good, we appreciate you. Thank you for providing for us. I love you, you're amazing, you're faithful, you're sweet, you're strong, you're commit. The 40-year-old says, okay. And you think it doesn't matter, but the four-year-old inside, the 40-year-old is like, (audience laughs) you told him, baby, you're looking good. He went in the bathroom, did 50 push-ups, I promise you. (audience laughs) Don't gauge the worth of your words by his response to them. He needs them. One of my wife's compliments weighs more to me than a thousand others. (audience murmurs) Your words have been anointed to reach places nor the woman's words will reach. (audience murmurs) He know mama don't even know him like you. (audience murmurs) Mama know what she called him doing, or what he told her, he don't know. (audience laughs)

You know him. (audience murmurs) And here's what's important. You have to trust that he values what he is telling you is valuable about you, because if not, you will doubt that you are asset, 'cause you're not bringing what you think you ought to bring. When he's trying to direct you and say, "This is what I need you to bring." It's been your asset where God has called you to be one, not where you, am I making sense? In the early years of my marriage, my wife would be trying to do a lot of stuff. I could pay somebody to do that. I need you, come on Zion, to do what God says only you can do. But you can't let the world or what otherwise do. It calls you to second guess what you can do. You might not bring value. You might not bring value that way. It doesn't mean what you bring isn't equally valuable. I'm done. Woman of God, you have to pay. And because they're exceptions, but because generally, we are not as expressive. You have no idea how much you are valued. Hopefully, you trust me a little bit. And I want you to hear me. I don't say nothing, I don't mean. Not in this season of my life.

Not a word. I don't have to say nothing, I don't mean to nobody. So, I want you to hear my heart. Men don't brag to you, but oh, they brag about you. I disciple men, trust me. That I, man, I got a good woman. You need it. So, here's what I want you to hear. I want you to hear the Father's heart. This is not condemnation. You can't get formation without condemnation. This isn't me having some vested interest in what's happening in your marriage. I preach you the word. Well, and then I'm about to go eat. Some friends are about to be over my house. We're probably about to argue about this message. (audience laughing) I'm looking forward to this conversation today. (audience laughing) But I want you to, I want you to feel the Father's heart. If you're unmarried, may you never settle for anything less. May your prayer be God, make me this kind of woman. He who finds a wife, not a woman. He who finds a wife, not a woman. You're not the wife when he marry you, you're the wife when he find you. (audience cheering) None of us will do this perfectly,

but God will give you the grace to be what your husband needs. And then our marriages on earth will be a picture of the marriage in heaven. If you're here today, you've never surrendered your life to Jesus. I need you to know you can't do anything I taught without him. Nothing. Write all of them notes in your notes. Post it on Instagram, some of y'all be doing so good to your notes be cute. (audience laughing) I want to pray a benediction over you. I want you to welcome, I don't know if he my cousin or not. We got the last, we got, you know, every family got some so, but Bishop TC Daniels is in the building, stand up Bishop. Brother, you clean the day, good God from Zion. Yes, sir. Thank you for being here, man. This is my video game, brother, right here. Yes, indeed, that's our video games. I got an appointment tomorrow with the PlayStation 5. Huh? Listen to me, it's about some men play golf, some men fish, it's all toys. Leave, I won't bother your toys. Don't you bother, man. Change, I love you.

I hope you felt my heart in this series. (audience cheering) (upbeat music) Thank you, family. You receive your encouragement, may the Lord bless you. May he keep you, may he cause his face of favor. Favor to shine upon you. May he be gracious to you, generous to you. May he protect you, may he provide for you. And above all else, may he grant you peace. This is my prayer for your life, in Jesus' name, amen. I love your family. (audience cheering) I'll be back here in a couple of weeks. I'm in New Jersey next week. God bless. [BLANK_AUDIO]