The Long Game | Pastor Chris Kouba | United City Church

It's the only name that saves, and it's worthy of all praise. I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you healer. Risen and reigning in power. Something comes out of the grave. Every time I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you savior. Worthy of glory forever. Something comes out of the grave. Every time I call your name. I have a king. With dominion over death. He holds the keys. That's right. In his holy now scarred hands. He is the healer. That has crushed the serpent's head. Our resurrected great I am. I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you healer. Risen and reigning in power. Something comes out of the grave. Every time I, every time I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you savior. Worthy of glory forever. Something comes out of the grave. Every time I call your name. Chains break. Troubles wake. Every time I call your name.

The gates of hell shake. Every time I call your name. Time won't wait. Every time I call your name. Oh. Every time I call your name. Oh. Every time I call your name. Oh, death is now your sting. And we'll all claim your victory. Sing. Oh, death is now your sting. And we'll all claim your victory. Oh, death is now your sting. And we'll all claim your victory. Hey. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive in the name of Jesus. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive in the name of Jesus. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive in the name of Jesus. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive in the name of Jesus. I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you Jesus.

Risen and reigning high. Come down and reign. Every time I call you Jesus. I call you, I call you Savior. Forever. Something comes out of the grave. Every time I call your name. Chains break. Tribal reign. Every time I call your name. The gates of hell shake. Every time I call your name. Deathly come alive. Deathly come alive. ♪ Let things come alive in the name of Jesus ♪ ♪ Let things come alive, let things come alive ♪ ♪ Let things come alive in the name of Jesus ♪ Hey, good morning, 10 a.m. service. Thank you for joining us this morning. Today is a great day as we get to celebrate three baptisms in this service, and the energy in the room is electric. We love to see it. Everybody's excited. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. I have my friend Carson Meade here. Carson actually just gave his life to the Lord this morning, just like an hour and a half ago, and we were excited for him, and he immediately knew that baptism was his next step. And so, Carson, I have a question for you. Have you given your life to the Lord, made him the Lord and Savior of your life, and turned away from a life of sin? Yes, sir. Awesome. It's with that profession of faith that I baptize you in the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We have mom. Carson's mom is also getting baptized today from California, and funny enough,

our Tuesday is actually her birthday, so she gets to celebrate a spiritual birthday as well as an earthly birthday, and we're excited for her as well. Ashley, the question is the same for you. Have you turned away from a life of sin and made Jesus the Lord and Savior of your life? Awesome. It's with that profession of faith that I baptize you in the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We have Colin here. Me and Colin have been talking. We've had conversations over weeks and weeks,

and he is ready now. He said, hey, I'm ready to take that next step in baptism, and Colin, the question is the same for you. Have you made Jesus the Lord and Savior of your life and turned away from a life of sin? Yes, sir. Awesome. It's with that profession of faith that I baptize you in the name of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. May we find some baptism in the name of God. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Man, what an awesome time to celebrate the life-changing stories that are happening here, and I'm so excited that you guys are here today. I wanna let you know, if you're sitting here and you wanna know about more that we're doing inside our church, from events to giving or anything that we're gonna be doing this summer, you can use that tap tag that's right in front of you to get just a little bit more information. Also, if you're a first-time guest,

we are incredibly happy that you are here as well, and we wanna encourage you. You can tap the tab, but more importantly, we would love to meet you inside our lobby right out here. There is a first-time guest table. We'd love to give you guys a gift to just shake your hand, and we wanna know your story, because like we said, we always try to celebrate the stories, and we know that you have a story, and we wanna be a part of that. Talking about stories, there's a couple that I've got to know over the last few months, a little bit more. They've been in our church for a few years now. It's the Fries. You see the Fries? They actually got connected to our church, and they kind of started coming off and on, but then sports camp was coming up. They have younger kids, and they were able to get more involved with that. It was kind of their first step forward when it came to serving, so they took that step forward. They started serving, and they didn't stop there. You see, after they went to sports camp, after they started doing those things, they started doing more inside the church. They started seeing what God was doing inside their life, and just a few weeks ago, them and a few others actually just started a new life group

called Seasons that meets right now at this 10 a.m. service, and I mention these things to you because as we move right now into a time of giving, it's important that you know that what we get to do, all these stories that we get to celebrate are only possible because of your giving. You might not know what's happening all of the time, but I assure you that God uses the gifts that you are giving in amazing ways, so we're really happy that you're here today, and as we start our offering, we just wanna go ahead and pray for what God's gonna continue to do and how he's gonna continue to bless our church. Let's pray. God, we thank you so much for what you have been doing. God, for how you continue to move, how you continue to lead. God, we pray that as we get to step into this exciting season of summer with all kinds of events from sports camp, and God, the life changes that are gonna happen inside of that moment. God, to the groups that are meeting throughout the summer, and God, the camps that are gonna be happening, God, we just pray that you move. God, we pray that you do something that only you can do because we know that's who you are, and God, I thank you for each and every one of the people

that are here today, and God, I thank you for the first time guests that maybe saw this place driving by and they decided to stop in. God, I pray that you are with them, and God, that you do something amazing inside our lives. God, we pray for this. bring today to that you take what is given to give back to your people and God to help more life change stories to be something that we can continue to celebrate. We love you, we trust you. In your name we say, amen. ♪ What can wash away my sin? ♪ ♪ Nothing but the blood of Jesus ♪ ♪ And what can make me whole again? ♪ ♪ Nothing but the blood of Jesus ♪ ♪ And all precious is the flow that makes me white as snow ♪ ♪ No other fount I know ♪ ♪ Nothing but the blood of Jesus ♪ ♪ Nothing but the blood of Jesus ♪ ♪ Oh, nothing but the blood of Jesus ♪ I'm gonna ask you to go ahead and take out the cup that you received when you came in today. It's pretty crazy when you think about it. The whole reason that we're gathered, the whole reason why we worship, is because the hero died. Think about that. Jesus accomplished much by losing.

But it is the very blood of Jesus why we're here. He is the power. He is the reason that gives us the hope that we have. He is the one who brings healing by his stripes. We are healed. On the night when Jesus was betrayed, he took the bread and he broke it. He gave it to each of his disciples. And he said, as often as you eat of it, do it in remembrance of me. That same night Jesus took the cup, which was filled with the fruit of the vine. He said, this is the blood of my new covenant. As often as you drink of it, do it in remembrance of me. Father, we thank you for the blood. We thank you for the power that is in it. We thank you for the authority that it declares. May we today make room in our hearts and our lives to let you sit in your rightful place as king and ruler and Lord. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Come on, make this your prayer today. To do whatever you want to. To do whatever you want. Have your way. And I will make room for you. To do whatever you want to. To do whatever you want to.

Here is where I live. Here is where I lay it down. Every burden. This is my life. ♪ This is my surrender, this is my prayer ♪ ♪ This is my surrender, here is where I lay it down ♪ ♪ Every lie and every doubt, this is my surrender, oh ♪ ♪ And I will make room for you, make room ♪ ♪ Make room to do whatever you want, have your way ♪ ♪ To do whatever you want, have your way ♪ ♪ Yes, I will make room for you ♪ ♪ To do whatever you want, you can have it all ♪ ♪ To do whatever you want, oh, I'm making room ♪ ♪ And I will make room for you, you can have my life ♪ ♪ To do whatever you want, it's all yours ♪ ♪ It's all yours, and I will make room for you, making room ♪ ♪ To do whatever you want to, to do whatever you want to ♪ ♪ Whatever you want to, Jesus, I won't leave ♪ ♪ On my own understanding, no, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ So you can shake it, oh, you can shake it, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ So shake up the ground of all my traditions ♪ ♪ Break down the walls of all my religions, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Yes your way is better, yes your way is better ♪ ♪ So shake up the ground of all my traditions ♪ ♪ Break down the walls of all my religions, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Your way is better, your way is better, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ So shake up the ground, shake up the ground, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, your way is better, ooh, your way is better, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, your way is better, your way is better, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ So shake up the ground of all my traditions, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ You can break down the walls, of all my religions, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Your way is better, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your way is better, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ♪ Yeah, oh, I'll make room for you to do whatever you want, have your way today. You can have it all and I will make room. I'm making room for you to do whatever you want, come have your way. We invite you in, God. Have your way, Jesus. Have your way, Jesus. I trust you, Lord, I do. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever you call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior. ♪ We're in a land where our God sits with our Lord ♪ ♪ And He walks upon the water of the land ♪ ♪ Oh, we thank You, Jesus, for saving us all ♪ ♪ Our faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ In the presence of You, Savior ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ You're really here when I try to reach my heart ♪ ♪ You're really here when I try to reach my heart ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ In the presence of my Savior ♪ ♪ And I will call upon Your name ♪ ♪ And keep my eyes above the waves, my soul ♪ ♪ My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Your Lord ♪ ♪ I am Yours, and You are mine ♪ Come on, let's sing that again together. ♪ And I will call upon Your name ♪ I got your prayer this morning. ♪ And keep my eyes above the waves, my soul ♪ ♪ My soul will rest in Your embrace, for I am Your Lord ♪

♪ I am Yours, and You are mine ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus, we need You, I need You, Holy Spirit ♪ ♪ And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of You ♪ ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ I'm not crying, you're crying. One of the most iconic scenes in all of cinema, one of that up, that opening scene of up. Pixar nailed it. The scene is called Married Life. And the reason why it causes so much emotion, and the reason why people connect with it the way that they do, is because it does such a beautiful job of capturing the highs and the lows of life. You see, what Hollywood misses so often is that they treat love like it's all about what you fall into. And what Pixar did in that scene, which is what connects to us so much and what inspires us, it's not about falling in love, it's about staying in love. It's about the choosing over and over and over again. It's about dealing with that time when all of a sudden the tire blows out or the injury takes place. And all the dreams that you thought were going to be what defined your relationship get redirected and shifted, but guess what? You still choose each other. You still say, I'm all in. Here's the tension. How do we get there? Like, how do we achieve that? You see, the reality is this. If you don't deal with intentionality to achieve that, you never drift into that. You're going to end up drifting apart.

You're going to end up drifting as two selfish people choosing selfish things, and you're going to look up. And what started as something super strong ends up becoming something very distant. Grab your Bibles, open them up with me to Song of Solomon chapter 7. What I want to show you is from a passage of Scripture that we've been walking through, this book, this book of Song of Solomon, the greatest love story ever written, how you can have that. I want to show you four principles to lasting love. My assumption is that that is the goal for you. That's what you want to achieve. That's what you want to experience in your life. And I want to walk you through the most practical book on relationships that's ever been written, found in God's Word, the book of Song of Solomon, that tells us how to do it. I want you to take notes. First thing I want you to see from this passage today, first principle for a lasting marriage is this. Have fresh eyes. Have fresh eyes. We're going to look at Song of Solomon chapter 7, but before we do, I think it's important for you to begin to see what the language is implying that's contrasted with what he said a few chapters ago in chapter 4. If you remember, we talked about intimacy a couple of weeks ago, and we described how he goes into the wedding night and he begins to describe what takes place there. And if you remember, on the wedding night,

Solomon was very specific in the way that he talked to his bride. And he started by working from the top down. He talked about her eyes. Then he moved to her hair. Then her teeth. Then her lips. Then her cheeks. Then her neck. Then her breast. Then her head to toe. Look at where he starts many years into their relationship in chapter 7 in verse 1. How beautiful are your feet and sandals, O noble daughter. He's admiring her again, but this time, instead of rinsing and repeating what he did on the wedding night, multiple years in, he's trying a new angle. He wants to see his bride in a different light. He's looking at the woman with fresh eyes. He mentions their sandals. Sandals matter because in the ancient world, slaves went barefoot. So wearing sandals meant that you had freedom. His first observation in this passage is not about attraction, it's about trust. He's honoring her. He's not controlling her. Look at what he says again in the end of verse one. Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand.

Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bathraban. Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon which looks towards Damascus. Whoa. He mentions her thighs, her belly, and her breast. Here's the thing. What changes over time in a woman's body? After a woman has had children, what changes? Her thighs, her stomach, and her chest. Don't miss this. Solomon is looking at his bride, the one who has changed over time. He sees all of it, and you know what he says? I still choose you. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Folks, what this shows us is this. None of us are gonna look as good as we look, but right now, all right? It's all downhill, but what it shows us is that when you choose each other over and over and over again with those fresh eyes, then those things which have changed become beautiful because you've trained your eyes to where the only source of beauty is them. He says her neck is like a tower of ivory. Ivory was extraordinarily rare.

He's saying she's still the most valuable thing in all of the world. Then the best detail in the whole passage, he says that, he mentions her nose, like a tower of Lebanon, which looks toward Damascus. Damascus was to the north. The tower of Lebanon was Israel's northernmost watchtower, the thing that kept the nation safe, the thing that stood between the people and the enemy, and he's saying that her face brings him security. Her face brings him safety. Her face makes him feel like home. Here's why this matters. In chapter four on the wedding night, Solomon described her eyes, her hair, her teeth, her lips, her cheeks, and her neck. You know what he left out? The nose. Now, he's a few years into this relationship. They've been married for quite a while, and you know what he says? You know what I've never told you? Your nose is really hot. Folks, that's the beauty of long-lasting relationship with fresh eyes, is you all of a sudden begin to see things that you haven't noticed, and you say, you know, I really love this about you. You know, I really notice this about you. He never told her about her nose, and it's like he just realized it.

Oh, your nose is great. Folks, what I want you to see is that after all this time, there's still something new to discover. There's still something to be said that has not yet been said. He says in verse five, your head crowns you like Carmel, and your flowing locks are like purple. A king is held captive in the tresses. Carmel is the most beautiful mountain range in all of Israel. Purple is the color of royalty. Then he says, a king is held captive in the tresses. The most powerful man in the known world is still undone by her. He's captivated by her. Years later, he's still mesmerized by his girl. Verse six through nine, shift from description to desire. He says how beautiful and pleasant you are, oh, loved one, with all your delights. Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say that I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the vine and the scent of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. It goes down smoothly for my beloved, gliding over lips and teeth. Things are getting hot here.

He compares her to a date palm tree. Here's what you need to know about date palms. The dates do not fall off on their own. Meaning you don't just go up to a tree and you stand there and you just wait for it to fall down. The only way you can get dates off a palm tree is you have to climb it. So what he's saying is this, I will still climb the tree to reach the fruit. It's a picture of pursuit. Even years in, he's still willing to climb, why? Because she is worth the effort. This passage puts on the table for every married person in this room is very simple. Are you still climbing? Are you still looking at the same person with fresh eyes? Solomon is years into this thing and he's not just doing the same thing that he's always done. He's looking for new and fresh ways to compliment, new and fresh ways to notice, new and fresh ways to pursue his wife. Here's what this means. Do not let familiarity convince you that you have your spouse all figured out. This week, look at your spouse the way that Solomon looked at that tower. Find one thing that you've never actually said out loud and then say it. This habit, practiced consistently over decades, changes everything. And do not text me if you compliment her nose and it doesn't go well, all right? Look what it says in verse 10. She says, I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. She responds. And what she says, she said that before, but she says it in a different way. The second principle that I want to give you for lasting marriage is this, have a no compete clause. Have a no compete clause.

She said this phrase twice before in the book, but the phrasing, the way in which she said it has shifted over time and it's worth paying attention to. Let me show you chapter 2 verse 16 during the season of dating and courtship. Here's how she said it. She said, my beloved is mine and I am his. The phrasing of that puts her at the center. He is mine. Then in chapter 6 verse 3, she says, I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. It's more balanced now. It's mutual. Here in chapter 7, after years of being married together, the phrasing shifts completely. The emphasis has moved entirely to him being the focal point. I am my beloved and his desire is for me. This shows that she's not speaking from insecurity. She's speaking from absolute security. She does not have to wonder where his attention goes because she knows it rests on her. The Hebrew word for desire, his desire is for me, is a powerful word. It appears three times in the Old Testament. Genesis chapter 3 verse 16 where God tells Eve that her desire will be for her husband. Genesis chapter 4 verse 7 where God tells Cain that Ten's desire is to master him. And then right here in Song of Solomon chapter 7. It's a word for craving, overwhelming pull, gravitational desire. It's like magnets. When you put them together, it just wants to be together. That's the picture in the image. I want you to see that his gravitational pull is aimed towards her. Not at a screen. Not at a hobby. Not at the office. It's her.

There's a no compete clause in his life. She is not competing for his desire. It belongs to her. You know what happens to a marriage when one spouse has to compete for the other one's desire? Competition breeds insecurity. Insecurity breeds distrust. And distrust produces separation. The chain is absolutely predictable. It happens over and over again. Here's the thing about attention. Whatever you put your attention to will gladly receive it. You put all your attention towards your phone, guess what? Your phone will gladly take it. You put all your attention towards the office, guess what? The office will gladly take it. You put all your attention towards another relationship that you shouldn't be in, guess what? They will gladly take it. So let it be said about you that you have this God-given desire and you have this God-given want to go and pursue your spouse and that attention isn't debated. That attention is focused laser on them. Let them not have to compete for your attention and your devotion. Let them instead say, oh no, no, no, no, he would never do that. Oh no, no, no, no. She would never do that. They're locked in with me. They are locked in with me. Folks, here's the thing. Your phone is just gonna make you addicted.

Your work, you're gonna give all of your life to that. You know what they're gonna do at the end of it? They're gonna give you a clock, maybe a check, maybe a watch, and you know what? They're gonna have your replacement picked out likely before you walk out the door. You get one of these. And this relationship involves nurturing and pursuit and going after each other. So there's no reason to have any competition because whatever you would compete it with is not worth it. This, however, is worthy of all of that pursuit. Keep reading for the third principle. The wife, the woman continues in verse 11. Come, my beloved, let us go out into the fields and lodge in the villages. Let us go out early to the vineyards and see where the vines have budded, where the great blossoms have opened and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give forth fragrance, and beside our doors are all choice fruits, new as well as old, which I have laid up for you, oh, my beloved. Third principle that I want you to see for a lasting marriage. Pursue with purpose. Pursue with purpose. Three things come off the page

that are just here worth sitting with. First, she initiates. Solomon has been doing all the pursuing in this chapter. He's been complimenting her, he's been describing her, he's been desiring her, he's been pursuing her, and now she responds and she says, hey, you gotta come away with me, we gotta go somewhere, I want you. What I want you to see is that men, you need to lead in this area of pursuit, but women, do not miss it. Your responsibility is also to initiate with your spouse. God is very clearly laying it out here that there should be a desire to be with them. There should be an initiation and a pursuit. I noticed a lot of these that just took place just right now, all right, I'm just. What I want you to see, folks, is that there is an initiation that takes place, but there's also some adventurous that takes place. She mentions fields and villages and outdoors, somewhere they'd not been together. She's actively thinking about how to bring something new into their physical life together. He mentions, she mentions pomegranates and mandrakes in verse 13, in the ancient Near East, mandrakes were a well-known aphrodisiac traceable all the way back to Genesis chapter 30, where Rachel and Leah were literally trading them. She's strategic about creating conditions for intimacy.

There's no accidental romance here. This is intentional, planned pursuit. And then I want you to notice number three, she's creative. She says, new as well as old, which I have laid out for you, my beloved. She's got some things she's been saving for him. New expressions and old favorites. She's thought carefully about what he loves and what has been prepared for him, because he is worth preparing for. I want you to notice, okay, what you're seeing here is she's basically saying, hey, we're about to get away and we're about to have some fun. I want you to notice what's not a part of this trip, working kids. Okay, some of you in that early stage are maybe thinking, man, I don't know how in the world I can get away. And you just got to figure out how to fight for each other. We've talked about this throughout the series. Kids are an invited guest to your already established family when a husband marries a wife. They are designed to be launched out. They are not designed to replace the marriage. So because of that, you must prioritize that relationship. And at times it means setting aside all the other things so that you can intentionally pursue each other. Both people here are tending the flame, which also means both people are capable of letting it go cold.

Most marriages I've seen don't actually blow up. They just slowly go quiet. The trip never gets planned. The date night disappears into school night. Your spouse can feel the difference between a spouse who is maintaining and one who's still coming after them. Here's what I want you to do. Before you walk out to your car today, pull out your phone and put something on the calendar. Hillary talked about this a couple of weeks ago with all the crazy number of calendars we have. Intention without being on the calendar in our house never actually makes it to reality. Perhaps some of you, the struggle is, is that all you've had is intention, but you've never scheduled it. So before you leave today, schedule the date night, schedule the weekend, schedule the dinner, just the two of you. Not next quarter, this month, because the pursuit does not schedule itself. Final thing, key to a lasting marriage, guard the flame. Guard the flame. Let's skip ahead with me in the text to chapter eight, to what is widely regarded as the theological and the kind of the poetic summit of this entire book. Kind of everything has been building up to these three verses. Song of Solomon, chapter eight, verse five,

the beginning of it, I believe, is a shift in speakers. It is actually the daughters of Jerusalem speaking. Here's what they say. Who is that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? I want you to picture this. Back in chapter one, the woman did not wanna be seen. She was shy, she was bashful, she'd been out working in the field, she didn't feel like she had taken care of herself really well, and so therefore, she was very insecure about who she is. Now, all of a sudden, the women, her friends, her girlfriends, see her, and what they see is a woman standing, leaning up against her husband, and they're walking up from the wilderness together. I picture an old couple, and they're leaning on each other, not necessarily because they're so old they can't stand up. I think they're leaning on each other because they've just been doing it for years. Hand in hand, walking up. And the women see her, and they're like, who is this woman? Implying this, you are not who you used to be. You now show a different level of confidence. Why? Because you've been leaning, you've been practicing. You're not holding yourself up, you're not performing, you're not standing on your own, you're leaning on the one that you love.

It says that they're coming up from the wilderness together. Whenever you hear the word wilderness, what does that typically imply? Struggle, challenge, difficult. They're coming out of a tough season with their head held high, hands held together. Here we go, we're gonna do this together. The woman speaks in the end of verse five, under the apple tree I awakened you, there your mother was in labor with you. There she who bore you was in labor, and then we reached the heart of the passage, verse six, set me as a seal upon your heart, a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death. Jealousy is fierce as the grave, its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the Lord. A seal was an engraved stone or a signet ring used to mark ownership. So you pressed it into wax or clay to say, this thing belongs to me. It could be worn as an ornament around the neck or over the heart or as a ring on the hand. She's saying this, set me on your heart, let me be what you feel most deeply. Set me on your arm, let me be what your strength is used for inside and out, in your affections and in your actions, I am with you. Then she says something pretty powerful. She says, here's what love is, it's as strong as death.

I want you to think about what that means. Death's the most absolute force in human experience. It's irreversible, it's final, it's unavoidable. Death never loses, it never changes his mind. For those of some of you who are struggling in your marriage, you need the fight that says this, I need you to know, no matter what, I'm not going anywhere. This relationship is so important to me that no matter what opposition we may find ourselves in, I'm gonna lean on you and if you don't lean back, I need you to know this, I'll be waiting for you whenever you decide to do it. Folks, here's the problem. So often what we do is we spend so much time trying to fix our spouse, trying to change our spouse, trying to make them better spouse when what God is actually asking us to do is to follow hard after him, let him be the one that changes and have a mentality that says this, I don't care what happens, I'm in. I'm not going anywhere. And so guess what, if you're gonna run off into the wilderness, I'm gonna run there right there with you, I'll be right next to you. I'm gonna lean on you because death is strong and death is something that never goes away and so therefore, because it never loses, my love for you is never gonna lose either. Her jealousy is as fierce as the grave, it's not possessive, it's protective.

It's the same Hebrew word for jealousy that talks about God's own exclusive love for his people. God does not share with his people with what destroys them, that's devotion that has made up its mind and this love does not share it beloved either, it guards what it loves. She says, that's how strong my love is. Verse seven, many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly. Despised. This is what you're building. Not just a marriage that survives, but a flame that no season of life can put out. Which means guarding the flame is not passive, it's the daily, active, sometimes inconvenient work. Choosing each other yet again. This reminds me of a couple in our church, Billy and Mildred Pierce, sitting right here in the middle. Billy and Mildred came to United City in 1971, joined the church, have been faithful, active church members ever since that time. They've served in every capacity that you could possibly ever imagine. They've served on building committee and stewardship committee and personnel committee and audit committee and they've served in the nursery, they've served in kids, they've served just anywhere that they needed to do. Many times you will find them today serving in our First Impressions team, welcoming people as they walk in the doors. Billy and Mildred have two kids, they've got four grandkids, and they've got five great grandkids. And next month, they will celebrate 68 years of marriage.

I think what emotionally connects us with the up montage at the beginning is because all of us can see how you can relate to the highs and the lows, the challenges, and the victories. But can I tell you what Pixar missed was that you can experience the ultimate joy without faith as the bedrock. What I want you to see is not the beautiful sound and melody of up, what I want you to see is a living example of what God says, this is the goal, this is what it looks like. I asked Billy this week, I said, hey, tell me a little bit about what's made this work. And he was like, well, we don't hold on to stuff very long, and we go to every marriage counseling thing we possibly could ever go to. They've had highs, they've had lows. They've had challenges, they've had difficulties, but one thing has always remained, their faith in the Lord and their commitment to each other. Tomorrow, Hillary and I celebrate 24 years of marriage. We've got 44 left to go to catch up with Billy and Mildred, all right? It's crazy. But that's our goal. That's the North Star. That's what we want to do. You know, this entire series, our goal has been to walk through every single person that's here in whatever stage you may find yourself in relationships. For some of you that are looking at dating and you want to consider what that looks like, we talked about the importance of making sure that you make the right choices early on. We talked about how you need to run hard after Jesus, and then if you're going to date someone, look to see if somebody else is in your right or in your left, and they're running hard after Jesus, because if you don't, there's ramifications for that. Please hear me. If you want to experience this, you've got to get it right before you even start. You've got to make sure and see, this is the image.

Instead of looking, are they attractive? Instead of looking, are they somebody that I want to spend time with? Instead, say this, are they somebody that I'm going to choose over and over and over again under a bedrock of faith? We talked about courtship. We talked about what that looks like to date and what that looks like to then pursue each other towards marriage. We know of at least nine relationships that broke up during this series. I don't say that with pride, but I am kind of proud of that. Because here's the thing, you've got to make these decisions before it gets so many more consequences. We also had a couple that came to us in conviction as a result of this series that said, hey, I want you to know we've been living together off and on for a whole lot of time, we've got a kid together, we haven't been doing this thing right, and so just a few weeks ago we did a wedding ceremony right after the 1130 service on the lawn right outside here. If you're going to achieve this, for some of you, you need to start making the right decisions instead of just continuing to make the wrong ones. Maybe you need to break up, you shouldn't be together. Or maybe you need to have a lawn wedding as well. For those of you that are married, we had a marriage night, we tried to pour and invest in you, and our whole goal was for you to be able to know what it looks like to not only choose each other on your wedding day, but to choose each other every single day after that. It doesn't mean it's always gonna be easy, in fact, we know that to be the case, because we saw that 25% of the book is all about conflict. And so what we wanna be able to do is be a people who continue to fight, but fight well. You wanna know how Billy and Mildred have made it for 86 years? It's not because they avoided any conflict, it's because they learned how to do it well. And they learned to allow the forgiveness of the Lord to be the very means by which

they forgive each other. Some of you may find yourself on the backside of the journey, and your life hasn't looked exactly like you thought that it would, and times you've had to break that jar, and you've had to use that money and those dreams to pursue something else that wasn't planned. But here's my advice to you, please know this, not only are your kids and your grandkids and this, this community as well as watching, we need to see people keep choosing each other. Let this be an opportunity for you to say, hey, you don't look the same as you used to look, but you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I choose you all over again. Here's what I want you to know, no matter where you find yourself in your relationships, God sees you. God knows you. There's a purpose and a plan for your life. He wants to redeem, rescue, heal you, but you gotta do it His way. And when you do it His way, what you will begin to discover is His way is better. It leads to joy, and it leads to life. Here's the thing about all of this, none of it's actually sustainable on your own strength. The love that we see in chapter 7 and chapter 8 isn't something that we can manufacture. You can leave here and just kind of gear up, and I'm gonna do better. This is meant to be a picture of a love that's been given to you, that Jesus gives to His church. He's the greater Solomon. He looked at us, not at our best, but at our worst, and He called us noble. He set us as a seal on His heart at Calvary. His desire is for us, not because we earned it or showed up with anything worthy of it, but because He chose you. Because love is not an emotion that fades, it's a covenant that holds. You cannot love your spouse the way the Son of Solomon describes in your own strength, that deep, unquenchable, strongest death love comes only from Him. It's His flame in your marriage.

Which means the best thing that you can do for your marriage this week is to do the very first thing we said in the midst of this first message, and that's to run hard after Jesus. Would you bow your heads and close your eyes all across this room? If you've never given your life to Jesus, today's the day. We saw a kid this morning give his life to Jesus and get baptized at this service. Today could be your day. Colin heard the Gospel on Easter Sunday, and that was his day. Is today your day? What I want you to know is that the greatest relationship that you'll ever have isn't with another person on this earth, it's with your Creator. Bible says that all of us are sinners, all of us have fallen short of God's standard. But God sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for us. He rose from the dead, and if you will give Him your life, turn from your ways and turn to His ways, receiving His mercy as a gift, you can be saved. Today you want to experience salvation. I'm going to ask you just a moment, we're all going to stand up. The team's going to be at the front of the aisles, other folks are going to be at the bottom of the steps. Today you want to receive Jesus, maybe you have questions, would you come and let us pray with you? Others, if you need to come and join United City Church, if you're a couple and you don't have community, let this be your time to plug into community. Don't do this thing alone, but instead allow yourself to experience the life that comes from the church. If you need to come and be baptized like these three that we saw earlier, this is your next step of obedience. You come. Let us talk with you and schedule that today. Others need prayer. Maybe you've got a need of some kind, maybe you're a couple and you just want to pray

together. You just want to make a commitment, maybe you just want to grab the hand of your spouse, just pray right where you are while we have this time of response. Whatever God's leading you to do, what I'm going to ask you to do is to honor this time. Don't slip out. Don't get out early. I promise you, you're going to be out in plenty of time. If you need to make a decision, you leave. Otherwise, would you just sing and would you pray? Father, I pray that you'd move in these moments, lead people to yourself. In the powerful name of Jesus that I pray, amen. Would you stand? And as you do, our team is up front, they're at the bottom of the steps, you come as God is leading you to respond. Come on. Praise God for you. Come on, who else? Praise God for you. Come on. Who else? God, we know before you, we ask for hope. We ask for healing. God, we know that any time you talk about this kind of stuff, Lord, it, it represents a lot of conviction because the world has just sold us wrong on the relationship front. And so Father, I pray that we would do it your way. Just saying it your way is better. So God, in light of that, Lord, may we leave here today with the power of the Holy Spirit working and living inside of us to be able to make choices that reflect what you desire, what you want, so that we can experience hope and healing and joy. It's in the name of Jesus that I pray, amen.

Would you all take a seat, please, if you would? We've got just a quick announcement before we go. Awesome. Has this been a powerful series or what? Absolutely loved it. I want to make sure you guys are also aware that starting next weekend, we begin a brand new sermon series called Taboo. We're going to be looking at various topics, things that culture may want to speak into, things that the Bible speaks clearly and loudly. And so we're going to lean into scripture and look at some things that may be culturally taboo to talk about, but the Bible certainly addresses. So you don't want to miss it. Invite a friend, somebody who may be questioning or perhaps skeptical. And if you are traveling this summer, be sure to tune in online on our YouTube or Facebook page. We'd love to have you join us for worship, even if you're out of town. This Wednesday, church family, we have an opportunity and we want to extend an invitation to you. We are ordaining 18 men to be deacons here at United City Church this Wednesday from six o'clock to seven o'clock. According to First Timothy chapter three, these are men who love Jesus, love his church, who serve faithfully, sacrificially. And so we're going to have a time of ordination. And so you're welcome to come and join us to pray over these men and their wives. It'll be a special time. On stage with me is our youth pastor, Montega Harrison, with some exciting news to share with you all today. Good morning, church. Today is an exciting day. Over the last couple of months, we have been searching for our new middle school pastor and really seeking the Lord on who that person is. And after a long time of conversations and interviews, the Lord has finally led us to that

right person. And we are excited to announce that we have made a hire for our middle school pastor position. A lot of you guys know A.J. Tabor already, know him and Whitney, his wife. But we're excited to announce that A.J. is going to step into our middle school pastor role and join our youth team. That is something to celebrate. Thank you. Over the last two years, AJ has done an incredible job as a resident in our groups ministry and has crushed it and has done a great job and has seen some impact in that area. And we're excited to have him on our team. We think he's gonna bring a lot of valuable experience and some relational ability to connect with our students, but then also to connect with our parents and families as well. And so if you're in the room and you have a middle school student, we would love to get you connected with AJ, love to get you some information and meet him, shake his hand and get to know him. But if we would, we would love to stand up and extend a hand and pray over AJ and Whitney as they step into this new season here at United City. We pray that God does everything that he wants through him and through Whitney. God, we thank you for just this opportunity that we have to come to you. God, we thank you for AJ and Whitney

and what you have done through them at United City already. And God, we pray that as he steps into this new role, that you would guide his steps, God, that you would give him favor as he connects with schools and connects with parents and families and middle school students, God, that you would show him the right people to connect to and the right things to get involved with, but God, that you would go before him and that you'd be in everything and every conversation that he has. God, we thank you for the impact that he's had at United City already and we thank you for the impact that he will have in this new season of ministry here. God, we love you, we thank you. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen and amen. Hey, awesome, thank you guys so much. You guys have a great rest of your Sunday. If you would, please make sure you grab your communion trash so we can have everything ready for the next service and we'll see you next week. If you know of someone that needs to hear this message, we'd love for you to share that on socials. We'd love for you to actually go and check out our socials so you can stay up to date on everything happening in the life of United City and if you need to take the next step, we'd love to help you do that as well.

Love you guys so much and we'll see you next week.