The Hidden Trap That Destroys Relationships

Hey, we're Todd and Julie Mullins, Senior Pastors here at Christ Fellowship Church, and we're so glad that you're tuning in for service today. Yeah, Christ Fellowship is one church that meets in lots of different locations, including right here with you. Yeah, and our prayer for you today is that you would sense God's love for you. See, I don't personally know all that you're going through today and what you're up against, but God does. And He hears your prayers, and He knows your name, and He's right here for you today as you call out to Him. Yeah, thanks again for joining with us today. We love you, and we're praying for you. One who gave it all so that we could experience life and life to the full. God is more in store than you have in mind, and I believe so much more that it's going to blow your mind. Welcome home, church family. We're so glad you're here. Guess what? It's Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to the beautiful mamas here watching online. Mom in Tennessee, I love you so much. Church, we worship a good, good Father, right? We can trust in His powerful name. So can we lift this up? Come on, we sing. ♪ Oh, it comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ I have a key, yes I do ♪ ♪ I call you Jesus, I call you, I call you my healer ♪ ♪ Risen and reigning in power ♪ ♪ Something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Every time we call on you, every time I call you Jesus ♪

♪ I call you, I call you Savior ♪ ♪ Worthy of glory forever, something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Let every time I call Your Name ♪ ♪ Chains break, tribals wake ♪ ♪ Every time we call Your Name ♪ ♪ The gates open ♪ ♪ Chains break, tribals wake ♪ ♪ Every time I call Your Name ♪ ♪ The gates open ♪ ♪ Every time I call Your Name ♪ ♪ No debt is now Your stream ♪ ♪ No debt is now Your stream ♪ ♪ Your victory ♪ ♪ No debt is now Your stream ♪ ♪ Your victory ♪ ♪ Who is the true change and clearing? ♪ ♪ I call You, I call You Jesus ♪ ♪ I call You, I call You Jesus ♪ ♪ Every time I call Your Name ♪ ♪ Working for You forever ♪ ♪ I was out of the grave every time, every time I call Your Name ♪ Come on, welcome to Christ Fellowship. That sounds like freedom to me. When you call on the name of Jesus, the Bible says, come on, just call on His name and you will be saved. Oh, we have an answer today in the very name of Jesus. Come on, church, help me welcome everyone joining us online. If you didn't know, this is your invitation. Be moved in your worship today.

Let's fill up this house with the sound of freedom and victory. And all you have to do, you all you gotta do is call on the name of Jesus, amen? So Christ Fellowship, come on, call on His name again. Thank you, Jesus. Hey, today is gonna be an amazing time together as the church, we're gonna get a chance to honor our moms. If you've ever been called mom, we're taking on the mantle of motherhood today. We're gonna thank God for your life and for you today. And we're gonna get a chance to celebrate you. A message from our pastors, Todd and Julie. But first things first, we get to invite the Holy Spirit into this place and the presence of this place is gonna be never the same because His presence makes all the difference. Amen, church? So come on, let's pray together. Let's invite His presence into this place. Father, I thank you today that there is power in the name of Jesus. The lost can come home. Those who are bound can be free. And so we thank you for your kindness in this house. We celebrate it and we declare the name of Jesus. Amen, let the church celebrate today. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪ With every breath, with every breath that I am able ♪ ♪ I will sing of the goodness of God ♪ ♪ Oh you've been so faithful, you've been so kind to me Lord ♪ ♪ I will sing of your goodness, yeah yeah ♪ ♪ I love your voice, you have led me to the light of life ♪ ♪ I will sing to the fire, come on can you testify ♪ ♪ In darkest nights, you are close like no other ♪ ♪ I've known you as a father, I've known you as a friend ♪ ♪ I have lived in the goodness of my God ♪ So we will sing Church, come on lift it up. ♪ Yes all my life you have been faithful ♪ ♪ And I will testify of your goodness ♪ ♪ And all my life you have been so good, so good ♪ ♪ With every breath that I am able, oh Lord ♪ ♪ I will sing of the goodness of God ♪ ♪ All your mercies I kneel every morning ♪ ♪ And I'm so grateful for it, yes we're so grateful ♪ ♪ For your goodness so good, it never stops, never stops ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running after, it's running after me ♪ Thank you God for your goodness. ♪ Your goodness is running after, it's running after me ♪ ♪ When my life laid down, I surrender now, I give again ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running after, it's running after me ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ ♪ You never stop pursuing me, oh God ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ ♪ When my life, when my life laid down, I surrender now ♪

♪ I give you everything, oh God ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ Oh, I thank you Jesus. I've never been alone a moment. I've never been alone a moment. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪ If it's been good to you, say it out loud ♪ ♪ So thankful, so kind to me, oh God ♪ ♪ And I will testify with every breath ♪ ♪ Lord, I will sing of the goodness of God ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ ♪ Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus today ♪ ♪ It's running, it's running, it's running ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ ♪ When my life laid down, I surrender now, I give you everything ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running, it's running, it's running after me ♪ ♪ Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus today ♪ Would you just let that soak in, everything that you just sang? Would you let that soak into your spirit today? I see some of you with your kids, or maybe you're driving with your kids. You've got this in the car. You could speak the goodness of God over their life. I was texting with one of our members who watches online from Miami yesterday. And it's so often, I think the enemy tries to tell you that the patience of the Lord is thin. But my Bible says, Jeremiah writes in Lamentations 3 that his steadfast love, it doesn't end.

His mercies never end. It keeps on going that they're actually new every morning and so long is his patience long is his kindness Long is his love for you long is his suffering for you that he chases you down So I want to tell all the kids in the house Maybe you're running around at home watching online The Lord is patient. He is kind His love is for you today. Oh that it would sink deep into our souls Thank you Lord for the goodness That chases us down today Don't let it pass you by church You give life. You are love. You bring light to the darkness. You give hope. You restore every heart that is broken. It's great are you Lord. It's great are you great are you Lord. It's great are you Lord. Fill this house with worship. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise. Pour out our praise. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise to you Lord. It's great are you Lord. It's great are you Lord. You give life. You are love. You bring light to the darkness. You give hope. You restore every heart that is broken. It's great are you Lord. It's great are you Lord. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise. Pour out our praise. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise to you Lord. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise. Pour out our praise. It's your breath in our lungs. So we pour out our praise to you Lord. I'm going to be moved in my worship. I'm going to move towards the Lord. Would you move towards the Lord. Would you open up your lips. Would you magnify the very name who created you. Who brought purpose to your life. All we join the hymn is today we sing. All the earth will shout your. Our hearts will cry. Oh yes they will. Great are you Lord. Some of you are going to open your mouth to sing for the first time today. Sing great. All the earth will shout your praise. Our hearts will cry. These bones will sing. Great are you Lord. Come on lift your hands and sing. All the earth will shout your praise. Our hearts will cry. These bones will sing. Great are you Lord. Are You Lord? It's Your breath in our lungs So we pour out our praise We pour out our praise It's Your breath in our lungs So we pour out our praise Are You Lord?

It's Your breath in our lungs So we pour out our praise We pour out our praise It's Your breath in our lungs So we pour out our praise Oh sing great are You Lord Great are You Lord Sing great are, great are You Lord Great are You Lord Great are You Lord There's nobody like Him There's nobody as kind, as patient, as loving as Jesus is And today He's worthy of our attention and our praise He's worthy of our devotion and our worship So come on, can we give Jesus all the praise today? Can we worship Him for what He's worth today? Hey, we're so glad that you are here Maybe you're in the room or watching online We want to say happy Mother's Day to all the moms To all the grandmas, to the sisters, to the aunties We honor you today for who you are Come on, can we celebrate all the moms in the room? You're special, more than you know Yeah, we do recognize though that Mother's Day comes with all the feels Some of you, you might have shown up today on Mother's Day And you're not feeling like celebrating You might be grieving, or hoping, or praying, longing Tired, weary But I want to encourage you with Psalm 65 It says, what joy for those who choose to bring Him near

Those who live in your holy courts What festivities await us inside your holy temple You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds It goes on to say that you crown our year with goodness That even the hard places will drip with abundance And I just want you to know that today it might feel a little bit hard Yesterday, or this week, it might have been a little bit hard But God's goodness is all over your life And we believe it, and we see it, we love you, we're praying with you And we celebrate you God, we pray today, Lord, we put you, God, in the rightful place God, that you are worthy of our attention and our focus But also, God, I love that you are so personal God, that when you draw near God, that your kindness, your grace, your mercy, your presence God, it brings joy, it brings peace, it brings hope So God, I pray right now for any person in the room who may have a heavy heart God, I pray that today they would realize that you are with them God, I pray for the person who's felt alone for a long time God, I pray right now that your Holy Spirit would remind them That they've never walked alone, not for one second, not for one moment But you've been there with them every step of the way For the person who's longing and praying, who's believing God, would you strengthen their faith today God, would you remind them that they are not alone That their prayers are not unanswered or unheard But God, you are there walking with them And God, you are faithful to bring to completion Every promise that you have stated in your Word And we pray this in Jesus' name

And everybody said, Amen, Amen So good to have you with us today Hey, if you're here at Gardens, why don't you turn to one or two people around you Give them a high five, shake their hands And you can grab your seats today Mother's Day special, scene four, take one Oh, I'm gonna cry now I'm your favorite, right? Your hair dryer I broke it This is funny Hey, Mom Hola, Ma Hi Hey, Mom Hola, Ma Hi Hi Hi The first question you always ask me any day is Have you eaten? Because you don't Mom Growing up, you always did my hair And through high school, there was a time where I was like Oh, I want to do it myself My hairstylist, and you're always there Like I ask you something And it's either a no, you'll be like Oh, I'll pray about it

You can't use I'll pray about it Because now I'm never gonna hear from you again It's a no with razzle-dazzle So we picked up some shovels and started digging our way to the other side of the world. How did that work out? Your hairdryer I broke it I Got caught in the rain from school, and I didn't want to change my clothes I used the blow-dryer to blow-dry the clothes, and then you know eventually it just like stopped working Oh, that's why I have a new blow-dryer. Yeah I When I think of you, I think you are caring loving and funny The most important thing that you've taught us Putting God first and being in the word and reading the word and keeping it in our hearts Even when I'm down you make me feel better and make me feel love no matter what Thank you mom for teaching me what it means to be strong. I like thanks for everything. I mean I Can't really think of just one thing I love you mom. Happy Mother's Day I Tell the world I sing a song it's a better place since you came along since you came Your touches sunlight through the trees your kisses are the ocean breeze everything's all right when you're with me You're my favorite Oh Well it feels like And the colors are gold There's a song in my heart I feel like It's a better place since you came along It's a better place since you came along I I See the whole world in your eyes. It's like I've known you You're my reason why So I'll pour my heart into your hands and I'll do everything I can you're a part of who I am

And You're my favorite thing Oh All the happiness you bring and it feels like I've opened my eyes again And the colors are golden and bright again And the sun paints the skies and the wind sings our song It's a better place since you came along It's a better place since you came along Oh And it feels like I've opened my eyes again And the colors are golden and bright again There's a song in my heart It's a better place since you came It's a better place since you came So beautiful, thank you guys We want to welcome everybody joining us today on this Mother's Day at all of our Christ Fellowship locations everybody online And would you help me welcome the men and women of the United States Armed Forces joining with us every weekend? We love you praying for you So happy Mother's Day to all the moms and the aunts and the grandmas the spiritual moms all the sisters We just want you to know that our church is a better place because you're in it We love you guys so much and I want to give a really special shout out to all the kids who showed up to church Today to make your mom happy We're so glad you're here. Welcome and our prayers that this will be a time of encouragement in your life Happy Mother's Day to you too. Thank you great mom. Yeah Hey, we are in a series right now talking about pressure points and we figured Mother's Day is a good day to talk about pressure Because moms you deal with a lot of pressure and we actually all deal with this pressure. In fact this series that we're in is because all of us deal with pressure. Whether it's pressure of expectations from other people, pressure that we put on ourselves to perform a certain way, financial pressure and demands.

I think it was Pastor Tyler last week said if you've got a pulse, you've got some pressure. So true, you know, and pressure can be powerful, right? Like when we experience financial pressure or pressure at work or at school or relationship pressure, it leads to stress and feeling overwhelmed and research shows that when we're stressed and overwhelmed that it actually, it doesn't just affect our mood, it reshapes our thinking, it deepens anxiety, it dampens our joy and it can even fracture our closest relationships. But then the same research shows and it points to what scripture actually affirms is that connection and support, they're not just luxuries, they are foundational for you to flourish. And the crazy thing is is that pressure has the power to keep us from the very places and the people that are in place to help us to not only survive pressure but to thrive even when life's pressures can feel overwhelming. Yeah, I think one of the things that we might all agree to is that people pressure is some of the greatest pressure that we feel, like that comes from people. Like I know that when the closest relationships in my life are a mess, life just feels like it's all messed up, you know what I mean? But the opposite is also true. When the relationships in your life are healthy and strong and life-giving, not perfect, but moving in the right direction,

there's no pressure that comes at you that's gonna take you out because there's people there for you. There have been many pressures I've had to deal with and at many times I thought it was gonna take me out of the game but because my relationship with Julie is so strong and solid for all these years because my parents have been wise counselors in my life, because of the group of guys I have in my crew group around me to pray for me, the people actually helped me press through the pressure I was facing. And here's the point we want you to get right from the beginning of the talk today is that relationships are God's antidote to the pressures and the problems of life. In fact, you weren't meant to face the pressures and problems of life on your own. You weren't created to. God's plan is that people would help you be prepared to face the pressures of life that you've got to go through. So think about it. Sometimes people are the pressure. Sometimes it's the person sitting next to you that's the pressure, but God actually intended for people to help us get through the pressures of life. This is what it says in Ecclesiastes chapter four. Two are better than one. If either of them falls down, one can help the other one up. But pity anyone who falls, look at that, and has no one to help them up.

One may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, but a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. So when the pressures and demands of life come at you and try to knock you off your feet, God has sovereignly put people in your life to help you stand strong in the pressures of life, which is why the enemy of your soul tries to infiltrate the friendship, tries to ruin the relationship, tries to fracture the family, because he knows that if he can get you isolated, he can get you intimidated and completely overwhelmed in life. He knows that the only battle that you can't win is the one that you're trying to fight on your own. And you know, I read an article this week in the American Psychiatric Association Journal. It says that regular, dependable support systems are one of the strongest predictors of resilience in adversity. And yet we live in this culture where we're actually more isolated and disconnected than ever. I mean, this has become such a problem that the Surgeon General actually put out a warning that said that isolation in our culture has become the single biggest threat to our mental and physical well-being. That it's actually that loneliness and isolation are actually more dangerous than diabetes

and smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I mean, that's incredible. And in America, it says that every generation is more lonely than the generation before. That 78% of our young people feel alone. They don't have anyone to call when they go through hard times. And this is so scary, because it's the first time that the younger generation is more lonely than the sick and the elderly. And this is just not how it was supposed to be. It was not how we were created to be, right? I mean, we have actually been hardwired by God for relationship. I mean, we have a relational God. He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And so his very nature is relational. and he created us for relationship. As a matter of fact, that in Genesis, when God created the heavens and the earth, every time he created something, he said, it is good. This is good. The first thing that God said wasn't good. It wasn't sin. It wasn't even the devil. It was actually isolation, right? He said in Genesis 2, 18, it said, he says that it is not good for man to be alone. And Jesus in John 10, 10 tells us that we have this real enemy,

that he's a thief that wants to rob and kill and destroy. But can I tell you that Jesus did not come so that you would be a victim of robbery? Jesus came so that you would have this abundant, full life. And part of this abundant life is that you would have life-giving relationships, relationships that are full of connection, full of intimacy, and that you would have, and that you would be the kind of friend that would be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with somebody else so that when they're walking through the greatest pressures, that we never have to walk alone. We weren't created to walk through life's pressures alone. So today, we want to expose one of the weapons of your enemy to try to tear apart your relationships. And we have seen this in our own lives, personally, and we've seen this in the lives of countless people that we've had the privilege to pastor and counsel through 39 years of ministry here at Christ Fellowship. So this isn't just something we thought up for a Sunday sermon. This is something that we've witnessed firsthand. Take out friendships, ruin relationships. And if we can be on guard for this one thing, it's gonna help every relationship that you have. So the primary weapon that we've seen the enemy use to rob, kill, and destroy in people's lives is the spirit of offense. Getting offended, hurt, because of what somebody did,

or what they didn't do, or what they said, or what they didn't say, or what you thought they meant, or what they, yeah, yeah, right? It's funny how easily offended people are these days. It's like anything can set any of us off. I can't believe they posted that, voted that way, said that, oh my gosh, we're just all offended. In fact, in our world today, I think offense has become a national pastime. Like a hobby, a sport, national sport, we're offended. We don't just have offenses anymore. We curate our offenses, don't we? Like we work on it, we talk about it, we post about it, we build communities around our offense. I found this this week that there is an entire online communities of people that are offended that people put pineapple on pizza. Like why would you care that I put pineapple? There's whole groups of people offended about paper straws. I think I might be one of them, I don't know, right? People offended about airplane seats. People offended at Disney. People offended at Netflix. People get, we all got a cause we're offended about. In fact, I think humanity is one group chat away from the next Civil War. It used to be that communities were built around things we loved. Now they're built around things we hate.

And I hate that. I'm offended that everybody's so offended. Oh my gosh, get over it. I'm offended that you're offended that they're offended, right? I know we laugh about this, but it's so true. I mean, we laugh because we think that's not me. Like I'm not one of those, you know, offended people about pineapple. But we laugh because we don't think that we're offended. Like we don't think that we're the offended ones because offense, it just sounds so serious and so sinful. But the truth is all of us, we need to watch out for offense because this is just simply put, like the definition of offense is really when someone does something that hurts you and it causes a disconnection, it causes a break in the connection and the joy in that relationship. And a lot of times we don't know we're offended, but we might be, we might've gotten our feelings hurt or we might be really frustrated or angry with that person, that's offense. And a lot of times we don't know we're offended, but offense kind of sneaks, it's kind of sneaky. It's kind of like the elephant in the room, right? The elephant in the room, like that we've been ignoring since we got up here. And the elephant in the room, and sometimes the elephant is in the room

and I can see the elephant very clearly and I cannot figure out why he can't see it. Like I know, how can he not see that what he said or what he did actually hurt my feelings? And that elephant in the room is there, but only one of us sees it. Or sometimes the elephant in the room is that both of us see it, right? Both of us see it, but we kind of ignore it and we hope that over time it just kind of. goes away. But over time, what happens is that the elephant like becomes part of the furniture. It becomes part of the decor. And we don't even like see that it's there anymore. It's become so natural and a natural part of our lives. And we don't even recognize the damage that it's doing, right? And I think, you know, a lot of times like that offense, that it's not always the big things. Sometimes it's just the, it's not a big dramatic event. It's some of the little things that, that pile up, right? It's the little things that start piling up. And, and, you know, like you said, that they didn't text me back, or I can't believe they think that way, or they, they voted that way. And, and before you realize that you, you start rehearsing those things in your mind. But can I say that, that, um, that offense isn't always just little things, right? We realize that, that some of you in this room, like you have every reason to be hurt. You have every reason to, to, to be offended. Like someone hurt you, that person that walked out on you, that rejection that, that you didn't deserve. And there might even be some abuse. And, and I don't want to minimize or make light of any of that

because your feelings are real. And that, that offense was not right. And it wasn't fair, but can I tell you that if we don't deal with our offense, if we don't deal with it, and if we're not on guard, we're going to carry this offense with us. And if we don't deal with it, it is going to, it is going to be destructive in, in every relationship that we have. Because if we, if we carry it with us, um, what was a moment will become a mindset. What was a moment of hurt becomes this mindset. It becomes the lens. This is what offense does. It blurs our vision. It becomes this lens that we look through and we begin to interpret everything that that person says or does. And we begin to interpret relationships through this lens. And, and if we, we hold on to offense, it actually keeps us stuck. It keeps us stuck. And what should have been a season, it actually becomes our story. Wow. Several times that word offense shows up in scripture. In the Greek, the word is skandalon, skandalon. And skandalon actually interprets as a trap or a snare. And specifically it's the part of the trap where the bait is set so that when the animal comes in, takes the bait and the trap closes, they're caught. So literally offense is a trap of the enemy to keep you in captivity, to ensnare you and to hold you back. It's kind of like this mousetrap. This mousetrap is set to catch a mouse. Of course, it's going to be hard to catch a mouse on a table, but work with me here. You show up at work and you have a disagreement with a coworker or your boss doesn't recognize you for, for what you're doing and what you're adding and the value. And you're like, Oh, I can't believe they got credit for that. That was me. Or somebody says something or does

something. And all of a sudden the trap is set. And when you decide to take the bait and you get hurt and offended, Oh, that's what happens. And it not only has a power to injure you and hurt you like that almost hurt me in your relationships are hurt. You're hurt. Now, Jesus said this in Luke 17 verse one, he says, it is impossible that no offenses should come. So he's saying offenses are going to happen. Why? Because we live in an imperfect world around imperfect people that are going to say imperfect things, right? They're going to do that. It's going to, it's going to happen. Right? And notice that Jesus, she's probably offended that I did that. Notice that Jesus uses the plural form of the word offenses, scandal on, which reminds us of the certainty and the frequency that these traps are going to be set. But what Jesus goes on to teach us in this passage is just because offense shows up, doesn't mean you got to pick it up. Just because somebody is offensive, doesn't mean you've got to be offended. You don't have to pick up what everybody else is laying down, honey. In fact, it only takes power when you pick it up. So don't pick it up. Don't take the bait. That's the, that's the message title today. Don't take the bait. Turn and tell somebody next to you, don't take the bait. Don't, don't even touch the bait. Don't take the bait, baby. Don't take the bait. Hey, I love this. And then right after Jesus says that right after he says, it's impossible that no offenses should come, he says in verse three, so watch yourselves. So make sure you watch yourself, because they're coming. Make sure you're watching yourself. And the instruction, this instruction is significant

because it shifts the focus from what's being done to you to how you are gonna respond to what's being done to you. That offenses will come, but you get to determine whether that offense will be destructive. You determine if it's going to be destructive. And you have this choice in this. And this image of a trap, what it tells us is that a trap, nobody just unintentionally sets a trap, right? Traps are set intentionally to catch something. And there are traps, and when traps are set, they're designed to capture something. And this is what the enemy tries to do. Scripture teaches us that we have an enemy that is setting some traps. He has his schemes and strategies. In 2 Corinthians 2.11, Paul says that we need to be aware of the devil's schemes, because his scheme is, is that if he can isolate you, get you offended, then he can take you out. And Ephesians 2.26, it says this. It says, don't let the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold. And that word foothold means just a room. Don't give him room in your relationships, because when you give him room, then you're giving him the space and a place to work. A foothold is, it's saying to, don't be angry. Don't let the, don't take the bait of bitterness, because if you do, you're actually creating a space

for the enemy to come in in your marriage, in your relationships with your family. And this is the deal, is that offense becomes an entry point for the enemy. Offense becomes this entry point to the enemy, being offended, and when we're hurt, it's not just emotional, it's spiritual. That it's a spiritual opportunity for the enemy to come in and do what he's gonna do to gain some ground in that relationship. So we need to close the door on the enemy. Don't give him the room to be able to work in your relationship. So watch yourselves. Watch yourself. I told you this story years ago that when Julie and I first got married, we were like 20, 21, we went backpacking across Europe. It was my idea. I'm a seven on the Enneagram. I love adventure, let's go. And so without talking to her, I bought two backpacks and two non-refundable plane tickets and two URL passes, because I thought she would love it, because I love it. So we went across the pond and we landed and we got on the little train tube thing into London, and every time the doors opened up, we would hear over the loudspeaker in kind of a muffled sound,

mind the gap, mind the gap, please. And we're like, what are they saying? What they were saying was, mind the gap. And we realized this when we stepped off the tube, and there was a space between the train and the platform, and at some stations it was really wide or different heights, and they were like, mind the gap. Pay attention to the gap, because a small child could fall through the gap. You could hurt yourself in the gap. It's true in our relationships as well. When a fence comes in, it creates a gap. So Julie and I are going through life, loving life, doing life, happy, everything shoulder to shoulder, moving forward, but then something happens. She does something. Or he says something, right? And it creates this little gap in the relationship. And then, because I'm a fighter. Yeah, Todd's a fighter, and so a lot of times in this gap, there might be some words that he might regret saying, right? True. And I'm not a fighter. Any fleers in the crowd, conflict avoidant. So by nature, I'm a little bit conflict avoidant, and so I'm not gonna say those words, but I may give a little bit of a silent treatment. She's really good at the silent treatment. Right, and I think that's the more spiritual approach,

except that, except that I may not say it to him, but I might invite my friend into the gap and let her know what he's done to kind of irritate me as kind of a prayer request, right? So now she's in the gap, right? Yes. And then since she's talking to her friends, I gotta talk to my friends. Y'all pray for me, it's really rough at home right now. And when I do that, I put Julie in a negative light and I start putting more people in the gap. And so we've got this huge gap that is created between us. And the thing is, is that at the beginning, there wasn't a big sin, right, in the first minor annoyance that might have happened, but as time went on, the gap got wider, right? The sin wasn't in the initial conflict. The sin was in talking to other people, the gossip, or the silent treatment, making them pay, or the words that you regret saying. And so what happens is in this gap is that, that we've got to figure out how to close this gap quickly. Because if we don't. close the gap quickly, something starts to grow in the gap, right? Recently, I read this article in Psychology Today that says this, all bitterness starts out as hurt, and your emotional pain may well relate to viewing whoever or whatever provoked this hurt as having malicious intent.

Anger and then resentment is what we're all likely to experience whenever we conclude that another person has seriously abused us, left to fester, that righteous anger, or at least we think it's righteous, eventually becomes the corrosive ulcer that is bitterness. The corrosive ulcer of bitterness, like eating away at our relationships and eating away at us. And God's word gives us this cure, this remedy for this ulcer of bitterness. In Hebrews 12, it says that we're to make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy without holiness, no one will see the Lord. We could stop right there and preach for a few weeks on this one, right? But I love that opening phrase, because it says to make every effort to live at peace with everyone. When I look around at today's culture, the question I ask is, have we made any effort to live at peace with anyone, right? The culture out there is that this cancel culture has gotten so toxic. And I think a lot of times that in our culture today, we live in a society that actually elevates our personal peace over relational perseverance. Let me say that again. We live in a culture that elevates our personal peace. I just need my peace, you're disrupting my peace.

We elevate that over relational perseverance, but God's word shows us a different way. And so it's so easy to believe the lie that if it's hard, it's unhealthy. If it's hard, it's unhealthy. That when things get difficult, I'm gonna bail because it's robbing me of my peace. And I read an article this week in Gen Z, in our young adults, that over 60% of our young adults went no contact with a friend or a family member in the last year. That means they have shut off all communication, you know, not giving any room for reconciliation. They've shut it off 60%. And let me just say right off the bat that there are some times, there are reasons, good reasons why we should set boundaries and maybe we should limit contact in those cases of abuse, in those cases when somebody is being damaged. But these statistics are way higher than reports of abuse. The reasons that were given were political differences, robbing me of my peace, just don't have the energy to engage in that conflict. And this is so damaging because this is not what God's word says. We're being, instead of being counseled by God's word, we're being counseled by one-liners on TikTok. And can I say, this is not just about Gen Z. I mean, this is about, we've seen this, this cancel culture in every generation, right?

But we get these one-liners off of TikTok. It's like, I need my boundaries. You're triggering me. You're robbing me of my peace. I heard someone say, you know, my parents just don't understand boundaries. And I'm like, they were born in 1955. Boundaries weren't invented till 2018, okay? They just don't have the language yet, right? So not exactly. We know the book was written before that. But here's the deal is that a lot of times, you know, we don't have generational empathy, right? And really try to see things from the other person's perspective. And we've adopted the language of therapy without actually doing the hard work of healing. And this is the deal is that we, a lot of times we think, you know, I need to be true to me. Just make sure that the you that you're being true to is not the old you. That the you that you're being true to is the better version, the transformed version, the more Christ-like version that God created you to be, right? And I recognize that peace, that peace isn't always possible. It's not always possible, but it should always be our goal. Great, I love that.

It says in, that verse starts off, make every effort to live at peace with everyone. Goes on to say in verse 15, see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God. So make sure that no one's missing out on the grace. We'll talk about that in a minute. And that no, look at that, the bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. So this is all about altogether in one thought here. He's telling us the bitterness is this hidden destroyer of relationships. It's interesting that the author of Hebrews uses the image of a root. to describe what happens, what grows when a fence is allowed to go unfettered in a relationship. Bitterness. And a root, think about a root. A root grows deep under the surface where you can't even see where it's going most of the time. You don't even know how deep it is until you try to start weeding it out and pulling it up. But what we do know is that the root produces a fruit. And the root of bitterness does not produce the fruit of the spirit. The root of bitterness produces the fruit of frustration and anger and criticism, judgment, other people. That's the fruit of bitterness. And left unattended, that root not only impacts us, but it starts impacting other people. How do we know?

Because it says in that same verse, look again, see to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and, say those last two words, defile many. So what you're dealing with when we allow bitterness is to kind of sit there and the pain and the hurt and the hold onto the grudge and the pain of that, it's not just affecting you. It's affecting all the people around you. It's gonna defile many. It's like, have you ever seen the root systems that the roots go out and they bust up the sidewalks and the parking lots and everything around it? And I grew up up north and I would ride my bikes on the sidewalks and all the sidewalks would look like that and, man, it would take you out. You'd do a face plant because of some root from some tree. We've got roots that are spreading into other people's lives. And if we're not careful, it's going to contaminate them and rob them of their peace. Yeah, I think this is so important because when we share our offense with other people, it actually, it damages them. They might be doing their best to make every effort to live at peace with everyone. And when we invite them into our offense, either by something that we post online, an invitation for people to be offended with me or a conversation that we might have about a relationship that we're in,

and that we're inviting them into our offense and we're robbing them of their peace. And this is getting on our kids. This is making its way into relationships and division. And this is a tool of the enemy. And so how do we, what do we need to do and how do we make sure that this root of bitterness doesn't take root in our lives? And I'm so glad that you asked, because I think that the secret that we see in the word of God is so simple, but it's found in Proverbs. In Proverbs 19, it's so simple, but it's so profound. It says that a person with good sense is patient and it is to his credit. Like it is going to benefit them. It's gonna make a difference in their life. And it is to their credit that he overlooks an offense. And the first thing I think we need to do is just overlook the small things. Like so many times we just let the small things become the big things because we ignore them, we let them pile up and we just have to, we just need to get over it, right? So when that, you know, when the boss says something crazy or when someone doesn't return your text in 30 seconds, right, just take a breath and just really, we just need to get over it. When someone comes in at the end of the day, maybe they're a little short-tempered

because they had a bad day, just have grace. Like so many times we just need to treat others the way we want to be treated, right? And so this is just so simple. Overlook the small things. But I think sometimes we read this verse to overlook an offense and we think that what it's saying is to ignore minor offenses. But that's not what the scripture is saying. There's a much deeper meaning. That word overlook in the Hebrew, in the original language, it means passing through, not camping out. It's the same picture of the word that was used when the Israelites were passing through the Red Sea. It's not that something really difficult wasn't happening around them. It was just that they were moving through. They weren't gonna camp out there. And this picture isn't pretending that something didn't happen. It's really about having the power to stop, having the power to stop, having the power to retaliate, but choosing to move through it instead. And this is so important because a lot of times we think, wow, if we just let this go, we overlook it, then we're letting somebody off the hook. And nothing could be further than the truth. You're letting yourself off the hook, right? What you're doing is you're letting yourself off the hook. It's not a sign of weakness.

It's actually a sign of strength because biblical overlooking isn't about, it's not about denial. It's about discernment. It's about having the wisdom to know what it is. I'm just gonna. let go, not pick up, and what it is that I need to step into and confront and address because this isn't talking about just small offenses. Sometimes there are things that happen in our relationships and our lives that just, they take some time to walk through, they take time to move through because they're serious and they're a big deal and they've damaged the relationship. And can I just say, Todd and I have been married 39 years and the reason that we can stand up here and be more in love today than we were 39 years ago, it's not because there have not been some hurtful things along the way. It's not because we have not hurt each other's feelings or said unkind words, there's been plenty of them spoken. I'm sorry. I'm not offended today. I'm sorry again. I'm not offended today, I'm doing well today. But it's because we were blessed enough to have marriage mentors in our lives and Todd's mom and dad who said often and modeled this well that they just made this decision that they were going to live unoffended,

just to be unoffendable. And they have modeled this for us. It was like, they understood and shared, hurting people hurt people, right? And they could look past the offense and look to the heart of the person, that they weren't gonna let things get on them and attach themselves. And we just, we had that modeled and so that kind of got in our spirit, right? That we wouldn't pick up offense. And this is the deal is that the, every long lasting life giving relationship, whether it's a parent, a child, or a work relationship or friends, if it's lasted a long time, there's been, offenses did come, right? And the key to those long lasting relationships are people that decided that they weren't gonna pick up the offense. And when they did, that they were gonna put it back down. Because you've heard us say this, that every great relationship is made up of two really good forgivers and two really good apologizers, right? And that when we talk about forgiveness, it doesn't mean that, it doesn't mean forgetting, like you can't forget it, but God can redeem it. It doesn't mean that, that forgiveness doesn't mean full access.

It doesn't mean that it's not always reconciliation, but there are times that you do have to put boundaries in place and to keep you or people that you love from getting hurt or damaged, but you can choose to let go of the unforgiveness and walk in freedom. And forgiveness and unforgiveness are both costly. Forgiveness is costly, it's gonna cost you something. And unforgiveness is costly. But forgiveness brings freedom and unforgiveness keeps you trapped in the pain of your past. And so we get to choose. Yeah, we don't want you trapped. So here's our challenge to you today. Our challenge is that you would choose to live unoffendable. Like you would just be unoffendable. I'm gonna make the decision to be unoffendable, which let me remind you, just because the offense shows up and it will, doesn't mean you gotta pick it up. You don't have to pick up what that person's laying down. And it's only when you pick it up that you give it power. So don't pick it up, don't take the bait. So here's how we do this. Four easy steps. Number one, forgive fast, forgive fast. Go ahead and make the decision ahead of time that when the offense comes, because it's gonna come,

I'm gonna forgive quickly. I'm gonna respond quickly with forgiveness. Colossians 3, verse 13 says, "'Bear with each other and forgive one another. "'If any of you have a grievance or an offense "'against someone.'" Look at those last few words. Why don't you say it with me aloud? Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Think about the way the Lord forgave you. He forgave you before you even knew you needed forgiveness. He forgave, he went to the cross before you were even born. He forgave you before you even failed, but he knew you would fail. And so we're supposed to forgive people that way. We know they're gonna mess up, so we're gonna have a posture. We're gonna pre-posture ourselves to forgive fast. The second thing is, reflect before you respond. Think about it before you just. Which is what I normally do. Just slow down, take a breath, think about it, and then pray about it. Is that what they really meant? Am I just responding through my own pain and issues and my own past? Reflect a little bit. Most relationships aren't destroyed by what happens, but how we react to what happens. It's that quick, harsh word that cuts

that's hard to ever take back. So reflect before you respond. The third is believe the best. Instead of believing the worst, believe the best. We have a tendency to believe the worst. I can't believe they, and do you see that? And oh my gosh, they said they don't care about me. We believe the worst, but what if we flipped it and instead thought, well, maybe there's something I don't know that's going on. Maybe they're having a rough week. Maybe there's more to the story. Maybe that wasn't just a bad look. Maybe that was Taco Bell talking. You know what I'm saying? They had a bad lunch is all it was. Give them the benefit of the doubt. And last, in the words of the great theologian, Queen Elsa, let it go. Just let it go, let it go. If you picked it up a year ago, you picked it up five years ago, you picked it up last week, just let it go. Don't rehearse it, release it and let it go because the longer you carry an offense, the heavier it gets. You know, I love this quote because I want to give you some Mother's Day hope today because a lot of you might be sitting here going, you know, wow, where do I go from here?

And I love this quote by C.S. Lewis. It says, you can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. And I love that because this is my first day, the first Mother's Day without my mom. She passed away this last year and there was some really bumpy years in the early years, but I am so grateful. I'm so grateful that we couldn't go back to the beginning, but I'm so grateful for the new beginnings that Jesus brings in our life, the new beginnings that he wants to bring in our lives and he can do more in your relationships than you could ever dream possible if you make room for him to do that. I want to pray two prayers today. And the first prayer I want to pray are for your relationships. And I'm sure that today as we've been talking, the Holy Spirit's been talking to you about a relationship where maybe offense has built up. And so why don't you just make the decision today, choose to be unoffendable, choose to forgive fast, choose to believe the best, make the move towards that person some way this week. I want to pray for that. I want to pray that you're going to be, you're going to make a step this week to be unoffendable. The second prayer I want to pray is for the most important relationship in your life,

and it's your relationship with Jesus. And until that relationship is right, all the other relationships are just going to be hard. But man, when you experience the grace of God, it flows through your life so that you can share the grace of God with the people in your life. And if you don't have that relationship with Jesus, or maybe you know it's not where it needs to be, that second prayer is going to be for you today. Would you bow your heads as we pray? Father God, we thank you for your word that teaches us what is true and reminds us what is right. And Lord, I know that as we've been talking about relationships and offense and forgiveness, that you've been bringing people to mind. You've been bringing people to my mind. I pray for the relationships in our lives where we've allowed offense or hurt to live, that Lord, we would let your grace flood into that space, and that we would not give the devil any room in the relationship. I pray that we would be people that are unoffendable this week and moving forward. And even though we can't go back and change five years ago, we can start today in those relationships and build a different future forward. As we continue to pray with every head bowed, if you're here today and you would say, Todd, when you talked about that relationship,

I know I've got to get my relationship with Jesus right. I'm going to pray this second prayer. And if you would say, Todd, please include me in this prayer. Then right where you're seated, would you just raise a hand up in the air? And hold it up high. Yeah, all across the room. Those online, hold it up high. You want everything Jesus has for you today. We're all going to pray this prayer out loud, but those with your hands up, this is your prayer. So you prayed a little louder. Just pray this after me. Say, dear Lord Jesus, come into my life. Forgive me of all my sins for going my own way, doing my own thing. Flood my heart and my life with your grace. Let it flow through me to all the people in my life. In Jesus name I pray, amen. Come on, let's thank God today for all those who made that decision. We love you, church.