The Hard Part in A Relationship - JJ Vasquez

What's up, Journey Online Familia? Come on, Valentine's Week. Yes. Happy Super Bowl Sunday. I came prepped. Ready? Wow. Y'all can't see it, but that's some footballs on the socks right there. Y'all can't see it. We need to zoom in on that. No, no, no. We don't. We don't. Well, what's up, Journey Online? My name is Ben. I have the joy to serve as one of your online hosts today. And my name is Gianna. I have the joy to serve as the Journey College director and the online coordinator. Yes. My name is Danielle, and I have the honor and the joy and the privilege to be here hosting online with you guys today. And blessings, y'all. My name is JD. Thank you for tuning in. I have the honor and privilege of serving as well on the online team. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome. Come on, guys. You may have noticed something a little bit different about here. What's so different?

I got a haircut. Oh, wow. That's so nice. Come on. Nah, that ain't it. That ain't it. That ain't it. You're playing. No. I know. I'm playing. No. But obviously, the set is a little different. It's nice to have JD and Danielle with us up here all together. Come on. Yes. The set has been set up for the After Talk podcast. If you don't know what the After Talk podcast is, that is a podcast that's happening after every sermon in this series based on our love, sex, and marriage series. And this is with Pastor JJ, Pastor Liz, Jaylene Host, and we're the co-hosts as well. And they get to break down more each sermon. And I'm excited to hear y'all's thoughts on last week's sermon. But online, did you watch After Talk? If you did, let us know. Put an emoji in there and say, After Talk was great. If you didn't watch it, then you just got to watch it after this talk, okay? Yeah. Sting for the sermon. Come on. Don't leave yet.

But yes, what did we think about, it's not you, it's me? I feel like that's something that we've all heard at one point or another, right? Yes. Like, it's not you, it's me. Put a heart emoji if you can relate. Oh my gosh. Absolutely. Can't we all relate? I mean, if you can't relate, where are you? And to be real, maybe you said it. Yeah. Maybe you're the one who said it. Wow. Let's go there. No, I'm kidding. I feel like it's so good how Pastor brought that in to say like, hey, it's not about us actually. It's about God. It's about him. And bringing that into the story of Jonah and the whale. Crazy. What? Pastor JJ's mind is wild for that. Yes. It's so good. God, I love the fact that just making 13 years married, you know, if you're married, put a chapel emoji in the chat, throw something in the chat. But no, but just what I said is you can't change the other person, you can only change yourself. And that comes with spending time with God.

Spending time also together in marriage, spending that time in prayer, which my wife is very intentional about. She says, listen, we got to pray together. And Ben, I know you've been married as well. Yeah, I've been married 12 years. You just celebrated last week, actually last Sunday. Thank you. Thank you. Let us know if you're married in chat how long you've been married because I feel like every year you learn your partner again and again and again. And part of that is the change, right? The change that you realize early, you can't change them. You can only change you. And you can only change yourself to a point because there's something God has to change. And that starts with the heart. The heart and your heart needs to be postured for that change to be received. So I think that's a lesson I'm constantly learning. And it's great to be reminded of that message. I think that's so good, too, because I think sometimes not like subconsciously, we will want to see somebody as a project and we want to fix them. And I think we do that sometimes in relationships. When I first met my fiancee, all my engaged people let me know in the chat. Drop those rocks in the chat. Rocks is crazy. But yeah, amen. But I think something that we both had to find that grace for, especially coming into this relationship with Christ was, hey, only God can do it. Only God can bring transformation. The more time that we spend with him, the more we're just going to want to lean into each other.

And I think that that's encouragement, too, to know that you can date and grow in Christ together. And putting him first above it all. And there's so much freedom in that, that relief of pressure of like, hey, they're not going to do it because nothing I say, nothing I do, only Jesus can do it. And so just having that be the anchor. Yeah, absolutely. And I feel like, I mean, I'm in my dating era right now, so I can wholeheartedly relate. But I feel like that's so true just with friendships, too. You can really connect it back in with that. I know, just speaking to where I've been the past year, I've just really found out who my friends are. And just really, you know, I've been following Jesus and not everyone's going to be on that path with you. You know, you get more in a church, you get more involved, all of that. And I feel like sometimes there's a little bit of a season of loneliness that comes with that, too. You know? Talk about that. Yeah. We can keep it real here. We talk about everything here. I mean, the church is the hospital for the broken, right? We're all healed through Jesus. And you know, God works through all of us individually. I think that's so good that you touched on loneliness. Yeah, for sure. Because I remember even prior to, you know, my wife, like I was intentional to say, God, I want to work this out before I invite anybody else

into the chat. I wasn't very specific. So it was a good five years. And you know, at the time I'm seeing my friends getting married, engaged, and there is a lonely season, but that loneliness led me to lean into my relationship with him. And so I was ready when somebody else, like I said, entered the chat to then, they understand, listen, this relationship is more solid for this one to be. It's so important to be whole before, you know, two halves don't make a whole. You have to have two holes to come together. But I think something that's so good too, is to even the people who maybe you're just not called to get married. Like maybe it is just going to be you and the Lord. I think that there's so much freedom in that because being in a relationship, having friends, like we need community, like God built us to belong to a community. But in the sense of being in an intimate relationship, that's just additional. Like being with somebody doesn't make you complete. Like you're already complete because of God. And so like anybody else that you get, it's just additional completion. It's just additional overflow of love, but he's the one who gives it to us. And so that's so good.

That's such a great point. There's so much more that can be said about this. That's why you have to go to After Talk. Yeah, so much more that was said about this in the After Talk podcast. Make sure you check it out after the sermon. But I would love JD, would you pray us into service right now and prepare our hearts? Father God, we come before you. We thank you for this day. We thank you for this day has been predestined before we even knew it was going to happen, my God. We pray for everybody watching, tuning in wherever they may be. We pray that your Holy Spirit draws them in, that you prepare their heart and mind for worship and the word, my God. We thank you for how you're gonna move in a mighty, mighty way. We're believing and expecting in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. Amen. Join us as we worship the Lord together. Amen. Come on, church, how we doing this morning? Come on, let's sing a new song to him. Come on, let's put our hands together. ♪ I'm clean, sin was stained on me ♪ ♪ Shame was running deep ♪

♪ Your love was spilled on Calvary ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I'm clean ♪ ♪ God, how can it be? ♪ ♪ I'm ransomed and redeemed ♪ ♪ I'm standing in your victory ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, I'm as good as new ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, all because of you ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I'm clean ♪ ♪ It's not what I have done ♪ ♪ But what you've done for me ♪ ♪ You've painted all upon that tree ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I'm clean ♪ ♪ Your love was overcome and your mercy is supreme ♪ ♪ I'm dancing in your victory ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, I'm as good as new ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, all because of you ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, I'm as good as new ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah, I've been washed in the water ♪ ♪ Washed in the blood, all because of you ♪ ♪ Oh hallelujah ♪ ♪ Cause you took away my shame ♪ ♪ And you made it to the cross ♪ ♪ You got me running out the grave ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ Come on, we sing.

♪ Cause you took away my shame ♪ ♪ And you made it to the cross ♪ ♪ You got me running out the grave ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ ♪ Cause you took away my shame ♪ ♪ And you made it to the cross ♪ ♪ You got me running out the grave ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ ♪ Cause you took away my shame ♪ ♪ And you made it to the cross ♪ ♪ You got me running out the grave ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ Come on, we sing, hallelujah. ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ ♪ Hallelujah ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, here I come ♪ Come on Church. ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ Come on, sing it out, ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, halle-hallelujah ♪ Come on, let's sing this one more time. I've been washed. ♪ I've been washed in the water, washed in the blood ♪ ♪ I'm as good as new, oh hallelujah ♪ ♪ I've been washed in the water, washed in the blood ♪ ♪ All because of you, oh hallelujah ♪ It's all because of you, Jesus.

Come on. Jesus, we thank you Lord. Come on, I invite you to lift up your hands this morning. Expecting in what he's going to do, that he's going to meet you right where you're at. There's nothing too hard for him, nothing impossible for him. He can do it. We thank you, Jesus. Come on. Nothing too hard for him. Nothing too hard for us. ♪ I'm looking up at this mountain in my way ♪ ♪ It seems like all that you promised has been delayed ♪ ♪ But you said all that I needed was a little faith ♪ ♪ To see you move ♪ ♪ I can do more, so much more than what I could ask for ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could dream ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could ask for ♪ ♪ I can't even imagine it, I can't even imagine it, no ♪ Come on, the word says that his ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. His way is better. We trust you, Jesus. Come on, he's not afraid of impossible. He's not a God who's afraid of impossible. You're strong enough for the weight of the miracle. So I will worship my way. There's not a doubt, I'll see you move. You can do more, so much more than what I could ask for.

♪ More, so much more than what I could dream ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could ask for ♪ ♪ I can't even imagine it, I can't even imagine it, no ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could dream ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could dream ♪ ♪ More, so much more than what I could ask for ♪ ♪ I can't even imagine it, I can't even imagine it, no ♪ ♪ I can't even imagine it, I can't even imagine it, no, no ♪ ♪ And if you've been praying, get ready ♪ ♪ If you've been hoping, get ready ♪ ♪ If you've been waiting, get ready ♪ ♪ Get ready for a miracle, and if you've been broken, get ready ♪ ♪ If you've been weary, get ready, the heavens are open, get ready, get ready ♪ ♪ Get ready for a miracle, and if you've been praying, get ready ♪ ♪ If you've been hoping, get ready, get ready, get ready ♪ ♪ Get ready for a miracle, and if you've been broken, get ready ♪ ♪ If you've been weary, get ready, the heavens are open, get ready, get ready ♪ ♪ Get ready, get ready for a miracle, are you ready church, I'm ready for a miracle, I can't even imagine it, I can't even imagine it ♪ You can do more, so much more than what I could ask for. More, so much more than what I could dream. More, so much more than what I could ask for. I can't even imagine it. I can't even imagine it. Come on, let's do it again. Keep pushing it. Keep pressing it. Come on. If you've been praying, get ready. If you've been hoping, get ready. If you've been waiting, get ready.

Get ready for a miracle. If you've been broken, get ready. If you're weary, get ready. The heavens know, yeah. Get ready. Get ready for a miracle. I'm ready for a miracle. I can't even imagine it. I can't even imagine it. That's Jesus. Come on, he has more for you, more for your life, for your family, for your future. Amen. We believe in the Lord. Wow, wow. That song fires me up every time. I can't even imagine it. I can't even imagine how good God is, how great God is, how worthy God is. It reminds me of that scripture in Ephesians where it says, not to him who can do exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask or think. That's the God we serve. Amen. And how do we ask? We ask in prayer. That's right. And at Journey, we believe that prayer is our first response, not our last resort. And with that being said, we received a prayer from one of our very own, and I'm going to go ahead and read that for us.

So I'm going to invite you to join us as we pray alongside our brothers and sisters in Christ here. Lord, thank you for the blessings and guidance. I continue to believe that you are working in my son's life. Help me overcome past traumas and challenges and the grief of profound loss. Please give me the courage one day to share my incredible story and help others. Father, see this prayer, see this person and do what your will will be done. We believe that in Jesus name. Amen. Amen. And if you have a prayer request or a praise report, we would love the opportunity to pray over your needs or just honor and celebrate what God is doing in your life. And you can do so by scanning that QR code or going to our Journey Church app. Well, welcome back into the room. My name is Gianna and I get the privilege and honor of serving as a Journey College director and the online coordinator. Hey, my name is Ben and I have the privilege, honor, joy, come on. Wow. To serve as one of your online hosts today. And I'm Danielle. I have the honor and privilege and absolute joy to be here alongside you guys this morning hosting. That's awesome. I'm JD. Thank you for tuning in. I have the honor of serving on the online team as well.

Thank you for tuning in everyone. Thank you. Thank you. And shout out to all of you guys joining us. If you could have spent your Sunday anywhere else, but you are here with us, go ahead and drop a red heart chat, red heart emoji in the chat because I mean, let's match the energy that's going on here. And we want to give a very special shout out to our Pando viewers, right? Correctional facilities all over the U.S. Thank you for tuning in. We are blessed every week to know that you are watching and we pray that this is a blessing to you as well. Yeah. And I know we got some VIPs in the chat. How do you spell VIP though? F-T-G. Our first time guests. If you are a first time guest, drop F-T-G in the chat. Scan the QR code below. It's probably right here. And make sure that you let us know who you are because we want to walk with you. We want to talk with you. We want to. Take your next step with you. Hey, let's go. And Next Steps is happening next week at 1.30 p.m.

And it's just a place for you to find out where you can serve online. So scan that QR code or go to our Journey Church app. Absolutely. And it's not just Super Bowl Sunday, but it's also small group Sunday. Come on. Go ahead, scan that QR code there below if you want to find community. We still have some online groups available to sign up for. So go ahead, sign up, meet your people. Yeah. So good. And this week we have a very powerful testimony from one of our very own, Sasha. She serves on the online team. Sasha, at the very young age, at four years old, she experienced some very deep trauma, traumatic, traumatic thing that she went through with a family member she trusts. They lost trust in him or her as basically she went through something so deep that she lost trust in God. But God was. God was with her even during that young age. She says she said that even with that young age. God protected her heart protected her mind and later on Later on we basically didn't have any she didn't have anyone else to turn to but she trusted in god She trusted in god and uh god was with her through even unhealthy choices later on in life Yeah, everything she went through but but god's grace was upon her Yeah, and god's grace was upon her even when somebody else violated her trust later on she drove drunk crashed her car But god protected her from being injured or killed in that she saw his protection over her life She even shared that even in her time in the military that she was struggling still with being sexually harassed that she felt shame She felt unseen but then she ended up going to therapy and god was just revealing piece by piece healing and mending her together Yeah, just amazing how god can heal us. I know during her time in the military, too She actually had a vision that god wasn't just calling her to die but to live for him

Yeah, and so it's just such a testimony of she's now on the prayer team the events team the online team here And just her story is so similar to others who have gotten involved here. Yes and journey church This is possible making jesus accessible to anyone and everyone because of your generosity You can scan the qr code or go to journey orl dot com via Give and give and continue contribute to be god's and hand his feet extended Yeah, and so right now I would love if you would give your worship come on to god as we go into one more song At this time we want to welcome our online east and kesemi locations with us Us God we thank you. Oh, we love you. Come on. Let's sing this out Who thought i'd find you at the lowest place Who knew you'd feel me in the crowd And who knew you'd make good of my mistakes Is What a god what a god Is They say it's over for a sinner What a god Is What a god Come on if he's been faithful in your life if he's been the great I am everything you need From the beginning to the end if he's been by your side, could you just cry out to him right now and tell him? Thank you father There's no better place to be than at your feet. God. Come on. Let's sing that out Then i've done it all if the best thing that i've seen is your glory Then i've seen it all Your love has changed my life Forever satisfied God

The best thing that i've seen Is No ♪ This life could never satisfy you all my everything ♪ ♪ You are my everything ♪ ♪ You are my everything ♪ ♪ You are my everything ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God, it's who you are God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God, ooh ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God, come on sing it, in the highest place, in the highest place ♪ Come on, sing it out, church. It's no better place. I am seen, I am tasted, I am witness of your goodness, I am witness of your grace. You are my everything. If one word is the only thing. If one word is the only thing. Can I have it all, if I feel your heart and never see your end. As you have it all, you're a treasure of this life. You can have it satisfied. You are my everything. Can you hear the words? You are my everything. You are my everything. You are my everything. Come on, sing it out. He's got your heart. Come on, if he's your everything,

give him some praise this morning. Come on, if he's your everything. Father, no one like you. Thank you, Jesus. You meet every need, you fill every gap. We love you, Lord. You know, with everything going on in the news and social and in the world, just in general, you really just have two options, I honestly believe this. It's one, you become overwhelmed by life. Or two, you become overwhelmed by God. You can look at the world and become overwhelmed by the hatred and the division and the anger and the sadness, or you can look at God and you can be overwhelmed by his grace and his glory and the promise that he has a plan and that he redeems and that he builds and that he makes everything right and that he is just and that he is good. And I wanna encourage you to do that this morning, to be overwhelmed by the love and the beauty of God. Come on, let's just be overwhelmed by God. We think about you, Lord. You're all of it, you're all of it, you're all of it. ♪ I can never see your hand, I still have it all ♪ ♪ No treasure of this life could ever satisfy God ♪ ♪ You are my everything, you are my everything ♪ Come on, tell us. ♪ You are my everything, you are my everything ♪ ♪ You are my everything, you are my everything ♪ Come on, if you believe that, put your hands together.

Give God a hand, clap of praise. You are everything, you are everything, you are everything. Grateful for the friends that I got, grateful for the kids that I got, grateful for the spouse that I got, but you are my everything. We love you, Jesus, in your name we pray. Amen, amen. Well, listen, before you take a seat, I want you to find three people that you did not drive to church with today. Give him a big old high five and tell him he's everything. Come on, tell him he's everything. He's everything. Amen. Well, who's excited to be in the house of God today? Amen, well, I'm glad you're here. If we haven't had the opportunity to meet yet, my name is JJ, and alongside my wonderful wife, Liz, we have the honor and the privilege of serving Journey Church as its lead pastors, and if you didn't know that, that means you are a first time. Yes, and we're so glad that you chose to be here with us today. If you're looking for a home church, look no further. We think you found it, not only because you're surrounded by the presence of God, but because you are surrounded by some of the most amazing, honest, open, and transparent people in all of Central Florida. Journey Church, will you prove me right by putting your hands

together to welcome all of our first-time guests one more time? Keep it going for Journey Church Online. Keep it going for Journey East Orlando, Washington University High School, and keep it going for the third week, Journey Kissimmee over at Gateway High School. And finally, for all of those who are currently incarcerated, watching in jails and prisons throughout the United States, through the Panda Route, we welcome you to our church family. We're so glad that you're here. Well, listen, if you follow us on social media at all, then you might have heard that we had a special big announcement to make. And so, I want to apologize first off because I am fighting just the craziest cold right now. I got my little tissues, okay, and I got my water. And so, if I start sneezing, and just pray for a brother, all right? And I got no energy as far as shouting, so I'm gonna need y'all to shout back. I need y'all to help me preach today. All right? But I wasn't gonna miss it. I wasn't gonna miss today, because I wanted to be here to be able to tell you just a miracle that God did. And so, if you would, just give your attention to the screens, and we can celebrate just how great God is. I am excited to announce Journey Church family. We have officially closed on our very own building. We got a home.

Journey Church, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers, your generosity, and your yes. If you want to know why we're so excited, please make no mistake. It's not because this is about building buildings. It's because this is about planting a stake in the ground to make Jesus accessible to anyone, except here's the best part now, for generations to come. We got it, let's go. Hey, praise the Lord. If you don't know why we're so excited, you must be new here, man, but we have been talking for years and years and years about this facility, and God did it. God did it. Come on. Tell your neighbor, this is my chair. This is my chair. I paid for this chair. This is my chair. Yeah, you heard me share a little bit about it. We've been here for years, and the owner told us never get comfortable. There was a casino that was gonna build here, a bunch of stuff, and then just, how about God, on the 20th day of 21 days of prayer and fasting, he did it. And I don't want to get it twisted, you know, this is not about buildings. Like, I could care less about sheet rock and painting and floors and AC and heaters, or lack of them. I don't care.

This is what it's always been about, which has been about making Jesus accessible to anyone. But when you have a building, and can't nobody take it from you, when you have a stake in the ground, you know what that means? That means we get to do that for generations. That means that if the Lord should tarry, our kids get to grow up in churches that make Jesus accessible to anyone. And all of our locations at East and Kissimmee, I thank you for celebrating because this is the first location, and we believe that there's gonna be many permanent locations coming your way. Speak that over, East Orlando, speak that over Kissimmee. And thank you, Journey Church, because none of it would have been possible without just your sacrifice and your generosity. And so, it's been crazy. I didn't want to announce it because Kissimmee had launched, and I was like, it's about Kissimmee right now. And we kicked off Love, Sex, and Marriage, but then we picked today to share the news with you. So, God is really, really good, amen? Amen. All right. Well, we are in week two of the series called, It's Not You, It's... Yeah, and if you didn't say it, that's because you're fighting it and you didn't... Amen. Amen. You still haven't gotten the point, you know,

Amen. Amen. Amen. and if you're married, this whole month is about Amen. Amen. Amen. love, sex, and marriage, and if you're married, though, Amen. Amen. we've got a special marriage night happening Amen. Amen. Amen. on February 20th at 7 p.m. here at our Fern Park location. Amen. Amen. We invite all locations to come out. Amen. Amen. It's gonna be really good. Amen. We've got singles night happening in the summer, Amen. but marriage night is happening now. Amen. I want you to come out, and I wanna speak to you today Amen. on a message, and I try not to overstate. I try not to exaggerate.

You know, pastors, man, we be exaggerating sometimes, but I really try not to. I try to mean what I say, say what I mean, and so I'm gonna give you the title of today's message, and I really do believe it when I say it. I wanna speak to you today on the topic of the hardest part of relationships, the hardest part of a relationship, hardest part of a relationship, and I mean that. I think what I'm gonna share with you today is the most difficult part about being in a relationship, and I hope it adds value to you. I want you to lean in, because I think if you get this, this will not only help you have a better marriage, this will help you have a better friendship, even, because I think no matter the relationship, what I'm gonna share with you today is definitely the hardest part. When I was single, I used to think that being single was, like, the hardest. I would hear married people complain about being married, and I'm like, stop, like, there's no way. Like, first off, y'all split the rent, you know what I'm saying, then you split the work, you know, and you had sex sometime last week, so don't tell me being married is harder than being single, and then I got married, and then I was like, oh no, this is way harder, that's what I thought. I thought being married is way harder than being single, because, you know, you're splitting the rent,

you're splitting the work. Notice I didn't say your rent or your work, because one of the first things you realize when you get married is ain't nothing yours anymore. Everything is y'all's, but they are nothing that's yours. Privacy isn't even a premium in marriage. Privacy is dead, it doesn't exist in marriage. You don't have it anymore, and so that's very hard, but the truth is that neither of those are really the right answer. The truth is actually this thing called egocentric bias, which means that whatever season you are in will always be perceived as the hardest because you are in it, and that can actually be really dangerous, because if you think this season is the hardest, then you will long for another season, underestimating the difficulty of that season, while at the same time underappreciating the blessing of the current one. That's why you got single people that are like, oh, I can't wait to get married, I can't wait to get married. Amen, I hope you get married too, but before you say that, let me just, you do not yet fully grasp, single person, the emotional labor that is required in being married, and you are not fully appreciating the freedom and the margin you have in your singleness, and this is why we have married people trying to be single. You know, they're like, oh man, it was better when I was single, I could just do what I want, but you are forgetting the pain of being lonely.

You forgot what it was like to go to bed alone every night, and you are taking for granted the companion that God has given you, and so the truth is that they are both equally hard. It is as hard to be single as it is as hard to be married, but they are hard in different ways, and they are hard in different ways, but because they are trying to develop different things. A lot like weightlifting and running. Weightlifting and running are both hard, but they're hard in different ways because they're developing different things. I can lift weights with the best of them, but don't put me on a track, I will pass out, okay? My cardio is not up to shape, why? Because working out, lifting weights, works out your muscle system, but running works out your cardio system, and they're different, and so in the same way, singleness and being married are different. Singleness is difficult, and being single is difficult because it is trying to develop, okay, your love for God. That's why the hardest thing about being single is being lonely, because when you are lonely, you have to find everything that you are missing in a person in the Lord. My son was asking me the other day, you know, he was like asking for a friend, but he was like, Dad, for a friend, why can't we date until we turn 16, 17 again?

And I was like, well, you can tell your friend that the reason why is because before you're gonna get to know a young lady, you gotta get to know yourself and get to know the Lord, and sometimes you can't know both if you're trying to get to know another person, you miss that, and you start pursuing the other person, and you start missing out on God and God's purposes for your life, so you wanna make sure you got that. Now, so single people, this is why you gotta be single. Now, you can be single and choose to not go through the work. You can be single and choose to just jump from relationship to relationship, never really working through the pain of loneliness, or you can just not work through that pain at all, but if you don't work through it, your spouse will pay for it, because then you will try to get things from them that you were supposed to get from God, and it's just gonna be frustrating. because no person can be that. So that's why singleness is hard. It's trying to develop your love for God. Relationships are hard for a different reason. Relationships are hard for a different reason because it's trying to develop something different. Relationships are not trying to develop your love for God, they're trying to develop your love for people. Now, if love for people is not something that interests you,

may I just remind you that when Jesus was asked what the two most important things in the entire world was, in fact, he was asked the one most important thing, not two. He said, what's the most important commandment? And this was Jesus' response in Matthew 22. He said, love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. Look what he says, and the second is like it. Now, notice they didn't ask him for two, they asked him for one. But he answers two because you can't have one without the other. And the second is like it, love your neighbor as you love yourself. And the law, all the law and all the prophets hang on these two commandments. What he's saying is the whole Bible hang on these two. Loving people come second after loving God, not because loving people is less than loving God, but because you can't love people until you love God. Loving God is the reason why I love people, because if I love God, then I believe that all people are made in the image of God, despite who they voted for, despite the color of their skin, despite how much money they make, despite this or that. Everyone is made in the image of God. And the church does a bad witness to the Lord

when we love God, but we hate on people, because you can't hate on people and love God. This is the thing that gives the church its testimony and its witness. We got to love people. We got to love people, but loving people is hard, but loving people as the answer to everything, if we love people, there's no more domestic violence. If we love people, there's no more sexual abuse. If we love people, there's no more poverty. If we love people, there's no more war. If we love people, there's no more political violence. If we love people, the world works. So God is trying to develop this love for people, but God's instrument for loving people or learning how to love people, ready? Is relationships. And I'm gonna show you right now the most difficult part of being in a relationship, but I wanna remind you that it's there to develop. Jesus is gonna tell us the most difficult part of being in a relationship, so that you can become a person who loves. John chapter 15, verse 12, this is my commandment, Jesus is speaking, that you love one another just as I have loved you. Now, before we show the next verse, I wanna emphasize our vision for the year. Follow me. Jesus saying, I want you to live like I live.

And so what Jesus is saying right now, he's saying, I want you to love, but I don't want you to love like the world loves. I want you to love like I love. Because how many people know the world will love you one day and hate you the next day? The same people that crucified him on Friday were the same people that shot him down on Sunday. So the world loves real weird, but the way Jesus loves, he goes, now I'm gonna show you how I love. This is real love now. Next verse, no one has greater love, there's no greater love than this. No one has shown stronger affection than this to lay down or give up his own life for his friends. You ready? The hardest part of a relationship is working on your own selfishness. Even as I say that, someone say, what about their selfishness? I'm like, you forgot the title of this series. Not you, it's me. We'll talk about their selfishness in just a second, but let's just talk about your selfishness for just a moment, because there is this illustration of marriage that I have often seen preached and taught. And to be honest, I probably even used it myself, but I'm no longer a fan of this image. And the image of marriage that I've seen preached often

is the image of a three-legged race. I don't know if you've ever seen a three-legged race where you tie the legs and you gotta run. And I like this and I don't like this. I like this illustration because what it communicates is that if we're not on the same page, we're not moving forward. And that can be true. If we're not on the same page, we're not moving forward. We gotta communicate, we gotta make sure that we're on the same foot, we're on the same page. And that's great. And communication is important. And at the end of the month, when Pastor Liz and I team teach how we always close out this series, we're gonna be talking about communication. So spoiler alert, and it's gonna be good. Communication is important. But here's what I've learned. After 17 years, this year I'll make 18 years of marriage with my wife. This is what I learned after being married almost 18 years. You're not always gonna be on the same page. It's impossible to always be on the same page. It doesn't matter if you married your spiritual twin. It doesn't matter if y'all vote the same, y'all speak the same language. Y'all got the same accent, same skin color, same culture, same background, same height, same shoe size.

You ain't always going to be a little weird, but same shoe size. You always, no judgment. You're not always gonna be on the same page and because, because y'all are still two separate people, if it ever gets frustrating, if it ever gets difficult, all you gotta do to get out is untie the knot. Just untie the knot. And you can do what you wanna do and I'm gonna do what I wanna do. Because in this image, it's still two people trying to work together. But the image that marriage is in the Bible is actually much more extreme than this picture. This picture is not, in marriage in the Bible, it's not two people tied together, it's two people becoming one person. So you can take the image down because I'm gonna illustrate this right now. It is two people come work, it is one person with two legs. It is a left leg and it is a right leg. And in order for the left leg to move forward, are you ready? One leg has to choose to stay back. And then this leg becomes so grateful that that leg stepped back, it go, hey, your turn. And then this leg, listen, this leg say, that was very nice of you, you know what, you go ahead. No, you go ahead, you're great, no, you're great. No, you're awesome, no, you're awesome.

Marriage is not give and take, it's give and give. Wow, that's so good. But it doesn't work unless one person chooses to stay back. You don't wanna hear this. You don't wanna hear this. It's not give and take, it's give and give. Now, I know what you're thinking because everybody's thinking, they go, but what if I married a selfish person? Can I just help you? No if, you definitely married a selfish person. You know how I know that? Because we're all a little selfish. You married a selfish person and so did they. So what do I do if I married a selfish person? I'll say, first off, recognize that we're all a little selfish. We're all a little selfish. Second, remember that I've been preaching this entire series is that the only person you can change in a relationship is you. And thirdly, if you were ever gonna have a chance at changing someone else's selfishness, the best way to do it, I hope you catch this, is to work on your own. Because if you try and change somebody through intimidation, it never works. Anytime you try and change someone through intimidation like threatening, you're always gonna change their behavior

but never their heart. A parent knows this, when you threaten to punish a kid, when you threaten to punish a kid and you're like, if you don't do this, you're gonna get a timeout. And then they're gonna do what you say. But they're gonna do what you say while they stomp their feet. They're gonna do what you say while they mumble under their breath all the things that they don't say out loud because they know they get knocked out. They're gonna do all the things. Outwardly, they'll be obeying, but inwardly, they'll be rebelling. Intimidation never changes the heart. But there is another tool at your disposal and it is not intimidation, it is inspiration. Inspiration is when you do something that moves a person so that they want to change. This is how Jesus changed humanity. Jesus didn't come to earth and say, if you don't get right, y'all going to hell. Jesus went to hell to make us right. And then humanity looked at Jesus on the cross, bloody and beaten, bruised and pierced, and said, how can I treat a love like that with rebellion? How can I treat a love like that with disobedience? Jesus won you over, not by his selfishness, but with his selflessness. It was the selflessness of Christ

that inspired Christianity. It was the selflessness of Christ that began a movement. When someone gives up their life for you, it moves you. Jesus showed us that the antidote to selfishness is selflessness. And so when you are selfless, not only does it only cure your selfishness, it's the best shots you got at curing somebody else's. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna define selfishness for a minute. We're gonna do that because I think that there are many people in the room who still think you ain't selfish, but also for my single people. Single people, best way to change someone who you're with who is selfish. Ready? Take notes. Don't pick them. Well, pastor, I thought you said everybody's selfish. Yeah, but there's levels to this, you know what I mean? We all selfish a little, but you could be selfish a lot. And if you know the cues, you'll be able to identify selfishness. And go, no, no, I want no part of that. I want no part of that. So we're gonna define selfishness really quickly. First thing, selfishness, it seems natural, but it's actually carnal. When I tell you that selfishness is looking out for yourself,

you might think, well, isn't that just natural? Shouldn't we? We all just be looking out for ourselves. My son, when he was little, very little, my wife brought over a friend, and the friend had a kid, and the kid had a ball. And they started playing in the back. And then it was time for the kid to go home. And when he went home, my son grabbed the ball from the kid. And my son said his first four-letter word. And I was like, I did not teach him this word. And his first four-letter word, it didn't start with an F. It didn't start with a S. It didn't start with a C. It didn't start with a D. It started with an M. Mine. When he said that, I said, well, who, the devil? Came and taught my son some words. I don't know if you ever heard that word around me. It was like it was inside of him. Mine. Not even yours. Mine just took it. When we see babies fighting over cookies, and we see them fighting over the bottles, and we see them fighting over the TV remote, forget the channel, we go, oh, that's natural. But that's not natural, that's carnal, because natural is defined as that which flourishes nature,

that which grows community and society. That's natural. Things that are natural multiply and flourish. But there could be an evil side to this when it gets introduced with selfishness. So, for example, hunger. Hunger is natural. When I eat, that's a good thing. I have hunger, so I eat, and then the food makes me not hungry, and then society flourishes, because we're all not starving to death. But if I like your food more than I like my food, and I'm selfish, and I take it, that's not hunger, that's stealing. Stealing is selfish, and if we all acted that way, society would fall in on itself. Sexual desire is natural, it's natural. But if I like a woman, and I go, I want that woman, and I take that woman, that's not natural, that's rape. That's evil, that's carnal, that's sinful. Selfishness is not natural, it's sinful. It's not natural, it's evil. James chapter three, verse 16. James is trying to tell us this. He's saying, for where you have envy and selfish ambition, will you please catch this? There you find disorder and every evil practice. Looking out for number one is not natural. It destroys society. Everything in society falls apart.

I wrote it this way. Any community made up of people who put themselves first is not natural, it's dysfunctional. And if you wanna understand what's happening in our country is everybody looking at it from their perspective. How could you say that? How could you defend that? How could you talk like that? How could you not talk like that? How could you, everybody looking at it from their perspective. Everybody wanting what they want. It falls apart. Here's the other definition of selfishness. It's self-idolatry. When you make an idol out of you, an idol out of you. Raise your hand, husbands, if you're in the room and you're like me, you gotta ask your wife for permission before you post a photo of both of y'all. Raise your hand, man, man. Only eight of us, all right. We are the happily married people, I promise you that right now. I learned this, yeah. He said I had to ask permission to raise my hand. That's funny, that's funny. I gotta ask permission to post photos and I learned this. I learned this a long time ago. Man, midway through our marriage, I posted a photo of us in which I felt like I had the complete right to do

because I'm in it. It's my photo, my camera, my phone. And then I posted it and I got a phone call, not a text. That's how urgent it was. Because you know, when it's not that urgent, you text, but a phone call, something happened. I got a phone call, she said, take that down. Right now, take that photo down. I said, what happened? She said, you don't see me? I said, nah, I don't see. She said, you don't see? I said, watch it, my eye. It's like I want her eyes. Just shut down, I'm like dancing in the photo, you don't see? I'm looking at the picture I posted, I go, is she right? She's like, what, her eye closed? And I posted it. She's like, how could you post that? And then I looked at me. She's like, how could you post that? I said, babe, look at me. Ooh, this lineup is lined up, y'all. This beard is glistening, the bicep is just, that day it just popped, I, you sure you want me to take it down? Take it down. This is self-idolatry, ready? person in the picture you see is you.

The only person I see in the picture of life is me. I only care how I look. I only care how it affects me, and we gotta be careful because culture will serve this to us on a plate of feel-good statements. They'll say things like, follow your heart. That sounds good, but what about her heart? Wow. What about his heart? They'll say things like, you do you, boo. Do you. But what if what I do hurts them? What if what I do hurts him? You do it, you do it. My way or the highway? Wow. Because I gotta put number one, take care of number one. It doesn't work. Because you are making yourself an idol, here's another thing, you expect other people to sacrifice for you, like idols do. So we're gonna eat what I want to eat, and we're gonna move to the city where I got the job in, and we're gonna take care of my parents because they're my parents. And the way that you defend this is you go, well, I gotta know my self-worth. Amen, I'm all for self-worth, but self-worth doesn't work if you don't at the same time recognize the worth of the person that you're with.

They gotta work together. Because if you recognize their worth, you'd be the one sacrificing for them. Speaking of sacrifice, this is how you really know if you wrestle with selfishness or not. Ready, you avoid sacrifice. Avoiding sacrifice is a telltale sign of selfishness. Now, whenever I preach, I always like to lead by example. I always like to share truth that I'm not perfect. And so, definitely in my marriage, selfishness has been something that God has had to work on me. And I'm gonna tell you something real selfish that I did. We bought this coffee maker a couple years ago, and for a whole year, I intentionally chose to not learn how to use the coffee maker. Because whenever someone wanted coffee, we were like, well, who knows how to use it? Liz knows how to use it. Well, I guess Liz is gonna make the coffee. It's a full, she'd be like, you want me to teach you? I'd be like, no, I'm busy. Right now, I can't, I can't learn. And then, I know how to use the coffee maker now, praise the Lord, and I asked, because I didn't wanna be selfish, but I wanted to avoid that sacrifice. I wanted to avoid that sacrifice, that was a selfish thing, right, to not wanna learn how to use,

because then I'd have to go make it. If she evanated it, I'd have to go make it. And so, that's important, that's love, y'all. Love is when you, I would argue even this, I would say it's not even love until you sacrifice. It's not even love until you sacrifice. Like, I don't even think you can call it making love until one person's in the mood and the other person isn't, and the person who isn't says, let's go. That's real preaching right there. And single people are like, what you talking about? Not in the mood, I'm like, it happens. Your newlyweds are different, you've been married 17, 18 years, you get tired sometimes. But love it, if it's always things that please you, how do you know you love? This is why I go shopping with Liz once a year. She don't ask me the rest of the year, because she loves me. I hate shopping, but once a year on her birth week, because it went from birthday to birth week, now. We go shopping, man, we go birth, nah, nah. She said birth month, I'm like, hey. She goes shopping, and we'll go, we'll hit up four, five, six, seven, eight stores, and we'll go, and I stand there in the corner and smile. I become a human hanger. I carry all the bag, where you wanna go next, babe? Let's do, yeah, we'll go there, I got that for you, come on, this place is right here, they got a sale,

you wanna go check out that place? You wanna go drive over here? And she looks at me, she goes, I love it so much, because I can tell how much you don't like this. And the fact that this, you don't like this, and you're doing this, makes me feel so loved. Because it's a sacrifice, you with me? So that's selfishness, and we gotta destroy it. How are we gonna destroy selfishness? Number one, we're gonna understand the purpose of marriage. Okay, we're gonna destroy selfishness now. So if you heard selfishness, you're like, I don't want selfishness in me, and so, because I can only work on me, so I'm gonna work on my selfishness. What do I gotta do to destroy selfishness? Hold on, first thing, understand the purpose of marriage. And let me help you. the purpose of marriage is not happiness it's holiness marriage is not supposed to make you happy marriage can make you happier but you're supposed to be happy before you get here you're supposed to be happy before you get here two sad people getting married don't make one happy person they just make two sad people mad that the other person is always sad it's true. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 25 and 26 husbands love your wives just as christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy holy he makes her holy cleansing her by the washing with the water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish but holy and blameless see marriage is supposed to

grow and refine and develop each other someone says well that's the husband to the wife what about the wife to the husband well that's the same thing you see that in the first relationship ever made by god genesis chapter 2 verse 18 with adam and eve the lord god said it is not good for man to be alone think of this i will make a helper suitable for him now i want to keep this verse up here because i want to emphasize a couple things he said i will make a helper not a maid a helper not a slave a helper not a cook a helper not a and i say those things to break down the domestic kind of stereotype of what a helper looks like the word helper here is actually much bigger than just someone who helps with chores around the house the word helper comes from the word easier easier in the hebrew it means strong ally essential partner one who provides what the other cannot this is where we get the full hebrew word ebenezer from the lord has taken us to this point we couldn't have gotten this far without his help that's what easier means but i really want to focus on that word suitable because the word suitable said a helper suitable for him now the word suitable in the hebrew is connecto and i love this word because it means the equal opposite the equal opposite the best way i can describe the equal opposite to you is with a photo this is a a steel knife and this is a steel sharpening wheel okay a steel knife and a steel sharpening wheel now at least you know they are both made of the same material they are equal are you with me they are equal but they are opposite in shape one is long the other is round but when they come together they both help each other become the thing that the creator created them to be when when when the equals opposites collide when they come together the knife becomes sharper the wheel fulfills its purpose and and now they are becoming something

different but becoming feels like this it feels like friction it feels like sparks it feels like a fight it feels but it's actually the person doing their designed purpose in your life this is why the bible continues to say in genesis chapter 2 verse 24 and when they come together this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife and look at these two words i never read it before this way and they become because they become they become that person is supposed to help you become everything that god planned for you to become in life can a single person become everything that god wants them to be in life without a person and relationship absolutely they can but if you are in a marriage that means that god thought you needed help you hear me single people god is like you got it anyone all of us who got married he was like they won't make it unless we get them some help liz helps me become better liz helps me because of my wife i've become more organized lean in but the process of her helping become more organized felt like nagging you see she helps me become more tempered i show liz all of my social posts before i post them i wrote a whole social post for friday a whole one i was like what you think she said don't post that do not post that i said thank you but at the time it felt like disagreement it felt like misunderstanding and yeah she's helped me become better with my dental hygiene i brushed my teeth this morning okay stop it stop it she helps listen if your spouse never tested your patience you would never learn patience if your spouse was low maintenance you'd never learn to serve

if your spouse met your every condition you'd never learn to love unconditionally Wow, come on. This is why men and women are fundamentally different. Like, and I hope I don't say anything that's, like, offensive to the gender stereotypes that we carry, but some of this, like, guys are turned on visually. They're different than women. We're turned on visually. And I hope that's not, like, a wild, radical statement. I think we can all agree that's why we have a Victoria's Secret and not a Victor's Secret, right? Guys are different. Women are turned on more emotionally. This is why my wife says that my version of lingerie is when she comes home and I'm doing the dishes. That's what she said. Why not God give us both the same button? Because then we'd never learn to sacrifice. That's how it is. Second thing you do to kill selfishness, practice the golden rule. Practice the golden rule. If you grew up in church, you might know what the golden rule is. If you don't, I'm so glad you're at this church because we're gonna teach you what the golden rule is. The golden rule comes from Jesus's teachings. Matthew chapter seven, verse 12. He never called it the golden rule, but the church did.

Matthew 7, 12 says, here is a simple rule of thumb guide for behavior. Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God's law and prophets and this is what you get. So he's summarizing now that second commandment, love your neighbor. He's saying, what does love your neighbor look like? Whenever you'd want someone to do to you, you do to them first. I taught this verse to my boys and when one was little, the other boy hit him and then the other boy hit him back. And after he hit him back, I said, why'd you hit him back? He said, I'm just following the Bible. I said, what you talking about? He said, do to others what they do to you. I said, that's not the verse, buddy. That's not the verse. That is not the golden rule. We have another word for that. That's good old revenge. That's good old revenge. I will do the bad to you that you did to me. And the reason why we do this is because this feels good. And the reason why this feels good is because this feels fair. This feels fair. This feels fair. This is fair. Eye for an eye, tooth for tooth.

You hurt me, I hurt you. This is how it works in relationships. You cheat on me, I cheat on you. You yell at me, I yell at you. You go to 10, I'm going to 10. You throw stuff, I'm throwing stuff. You cussing out, I'm cussing out. You calling names, I'm calling names. That's the problem. Not only is this fair, this is a cycle. We just keep doing it to each other. We just keep doing it to each other. We just keep doing it to each other. We're not gonna go nowhere. Jesus broke down this revenge mentality when he spoke and he taught in Matthew 5, 38 through 42. Here's another old saying that deserves a second look. Eye for an eye, tooth for tooth. Is that gonna get us anywhere? Here's what I propose. Don't hit back at all. If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, gift wrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit for tat stuff. Live generously, live generously. Here's the other thing that the golden rule is not.

It's not reciprocating the good, reciprocating the good. It's not good or revenge and it's not reciprocating the good. Here's what reciprocating the good means. I would do the good to you you did to me. So if someone in a relationship does a kind thing to me, then I'm gonna do a kind thing to them. This is kind, this is kind. If someone does a nice thing, you should do a nice thing back. But this also changes nothing, it changes nothing. This is why they be like, oh, oh, I'll apologize. As soon as she apologizes, that's when I'll say sorry, when they say sorry. You lower your voice. No, you lower your voice. You lower your voice, then I'll lower my voice. This is how two people can be in a relationship and not talk to each other for days. Are you gonna call him? No, he gonna call first. He calls, I'll pick up. But if he ain't calling, I ain't calling. And so if both people refuse to move first, nothing happens, nothing changes. This is what Jesus came against again. Matthew chapter five, verse 46, it says, "'If you only love those who love you, "'what reward is there in that?' He's saying, what changes? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much.

If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. Nothing changes, no. In fact, good or revenge and reciprocating the good are both still forms of selfishness because you're the center. You did bad to me, I'll do. You did good to me, I'll do. But the golden rule is different. Here's what the golden rule says. I will do good to you first, regardless. of what you did to me. I will do good to you first, regardless, regardless of what you do to me. Now, if our social media team that does their clips of my sermons, if they would've just clipped this part of the sermon, I'd put it out there for the world to see, ooh, them comments are gonna get blown up, people gonna be in there, but you don't know what he did to me. Are you supposed to say that? I'm supposed to, and this and that and this and that. I just wanna look at the camera and say this to you real quick. I did not write this. I'm reading it. Forgive me if what Jesus asks us to do is hard. Forgive me if what Jesus asks us to do seems unfair. Forgive me if what Jesus asks us to do seems

to go against the flesh and against it, but he's asking us to do it, and really, you don't have to follow, but either follow or don't follow, but he said it, not me. Sometimes we wanna not read Bible verses instead of dealing with them. Pretend like they're not there instead of reading them. If we can practice this, it could change everything. This is Jesus. This is Jesus. This is what, Jesus did not give you what you deserved, and he did not give me what I deserved. He gave me what I didn't deserve, and if we practice this, y'all, this changes the world. This changes the whole, not just our relationship. This changes the world. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah, it's difficult to implement. Yeah, there's nuance, but man, it's the truth. We gotta, I'm gonna say sorry even if you didn't say sorry. I'm gonna forgive even if you aren't gonna forgive. I'm gonna listen even if you're not listening. I'm gonna be quiet and sympathize even if you got no sympathy for me. I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna go first. Here's the last thing you wanna do. If you wanna kill selfishness, put others above you in your heart. Put others above you in your heart.

The heart is important because I don't want anybody leaving here trying to behave different because if you try and behave different without a different heart, it's not gonna stick. Get me? But what we preach at Journey and what the Bible teaches is not behavior modification. It's heart transformation because if your heart remains unchanged and you try and change your behavior without your heart, there's always gonna be an inauthenticity to the way you're living. You're always gonna be wrestling within yourself. But when God changes your heart, it's almost like behavior follows. And so we're gonna get at the heart. How do we get people above you in your heart? Philippians 2.3. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vacancy. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves. Not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus. I wanna pause here because I think he's talking to husbands and he's gonna talk to wives. To husbands, he's saying, because every husband is like, oh, I'm above my wife.

You know, the Bible says that I'm the leader. Yeah, but look at Jesus's model of leadership. Jesus's model of leadership says that every good leader puts the interests of those that he's leading above himself. So you gotta redefine leadership. I get it, you grew up in a home that was tough and it was rough, but that is not leadership, that's dictatorship. When you are a husband, you are called to lead your wife by putting her interests above yours. Not above God's, but above yours. So that's what leadership means. And all the wives are like, amen, that's good preaching, Pastor JJ. Because I'm equal, I'm equal to him and he's equal to me, and I ain't gonna listen to no man, and no man gonna tell me what to do, because we're equal. Well, let's keep reading the Bible verse, Philippians 2.6, Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage. Women be like, I'm equal to men. Jesus is like, N, I was equal to God. I was equal to the Father, but I did not use my equality as an excuse to not submit. That's tough preaching, but you need to hear it. Now, I think one of the reasons why women have trouble submitting to their husbands is because they don't know that they can trust their husbands

with that kind of power. But husbands, when you begin to show your wife that, listen, I'm gonna lead you, but I'm gonna lead you for your good. I'm gonna lead you for your interest. I want every decision that I make to be a decision that leads to your blessing and your protection and your provision, then it becomes a little easier. We both gotta die. We both gotta submit. We both gotta die to our selfishness. We both gotta work on our selfishness. Verse seven, rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant. being made in human likeness. Here's the secret sauce. How do you get people, how do you begin to value other people above yourself? Ready? You serve them. I only had two cars in my whole life. First one was given to me by my mom and my dad. They, they paid for it. I had no payments. And within the first year, I probably got on like 10 accidents in that car. We were laughing about it this week with my dad and my kids. I was telling my kids, that's why y'all ain't getting a car, you know, like 10 accidents the first year. Then I saved up and I bought my own car. After that car. And I've had this car, I've had that car ever since. I still have that car today. It was years before I got into my first accident. Why did I treat the second car better than the first car? Anybody? Because I invested in it. Because what you invest in has more value than that which you don't. So the more you serve someone, the more you invest in them. And the more you invest in them, the greater their value. I wrote it like this. Don't serve someone, don't serve when you feel different. Serve, then you'll feel different. Serve, then you'll feel different. As you serve your spouse, his or her value begins to increase in your mind and in your heart. And then selflessness kind of said, because yeah, I want to sacrifice for that, because that is valuable. Verse 8, and being found in appearance as a man, he, Jesus, humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross. This is

what working on your selfishness feels like every day, dying, dying. But I want to encourage you, you're not dying. Ready? You're surrendering. And surrendering is powerful because surrender is warfare against self. Surrender is a nuclear bomb on selfishness. Surrender is a kryptonite for your flesh. Surrender is the weakness. Surrender is the weapon. It's the blade. It's the holy water to the vampire. It's the sunlight to whatever dies in the, I guess, vampire. Surrender is warfare against self. Surrender. And here's what will happen after you do. Here's God's promise. Because of this, God lifted Jesus. After he surrendered, after he died, God lifted Jesus high above everything else. He resurrected him. He resurrected him. So here's the message, and we'll pray right after this, but this is going to get in your soul. Mary, people, after you die, the marriage resurrects. God is waiting to take your marriage to the next level, but he can't do that unless you. Who are you talking to, me or her? You. Me or him? You. It can't get there until you surrender. Somebody's got to go back. Somebody's got to choose. Somebody's got to lay down so that we can move forward. Every head bow, every eye closed over this room, I want to pray for you right now. I want to pray for the single people first who are in a relationship with God right now. God is saying, listen, I need you to surrender your timeline. You're in a relationship with me, and it's selfish to hold on to your timeline and your plans for your love life. What if I want something that's better than what you got planned? Surrender. Show me how much you love me by putting your selflessness on the cross and going, hey, God, when you're ready, I'm ready. But if you're not ready, that must mean I'm not ready. So I'm waiting, and I'm trusting, and I'm believing. And let the Lord begin to fill every gap in your heart. So if you're single, let that be your prayer right now, a prayer of surrender. If you're married, it's a prayer of surrender. You've been holding on to your way for way too long, for your plans, for your marriage for way too long. God is saying, you got to surrender. This ain't going to get better. Somebody's got to go first. Go first. Go first. Say the apology. Go first. Share the secret. Go first. Be open. Go first. Lower your voice. Go first. Give it. Go first. Apologize. Go first. Go first. Who are you talking to? Talking to you so that God can resurrect what you thought was dead and gone. As you're praying, I want to speak to that person who doesn't have a relationship with Jesus today. Hey, listen, it's time to come home. You've been fighting Him for too long. God loves you, and He wants you. Come home to God. How do I do that, Pastor JJ? I feel God calling me. You received the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus.

You want to be changed? Receive the sacrifice. What did Jesus do? You might not know. He came to earth, lived a perfect life, died on the cross for your sins, not His, yours. We deserved hell, and He gave us heaven you don't have to get right he made you right now that he makes you right you want to be right because you are moved by the fact that he got you right it's that love that changes you if you're in this room when you say i want that jesus if you're at east and you're saying i want that jesus because send me i want that jesus online in the prisons i want that jesus on the count of three would you raise your right hand wherever you find yourself so that jesus can find you right there and bring you home on the count of three raise your hand so we can pray for you one two three all over this room raise your right hand high kiss me raise your right hand high east raise your right hand high online i know you got it come on i can see it in the spirit amen i see so many hands being raised in the room right now you go ahead put it down for all of those who raise their hands today i want everyone to pray this prayer out loud husbands and wives single people everybody pray this prayer out loud father god i feel your love and i hear your call i'm coming today i choose to follow you be first in my life and then help me put my loved ones ahead of me i lay myself down and i pick you up jesus receive my life as i receive your love in jesus name we pray amen and amen come on put your hands together welcome all those who made a decision to follow jesus today wow congratulations if you decided to give your heart to christ for the first time you're rededicating your life to god the bible says that all of heaven rejoices so we want to rejoice with you come on scan the qr code below we don't want you to take this journey by yourself someone will reach out to you pray with you give you any resources that we can you can go to journey orl.com forward slash decisions and let us know yeah so congratulations y'all what a god what a god come on what a word what a word all right i cannot wait to hear how that gets broken down in the after talk podcast make sure that will post soon and if you didn't watch the first one watch that pastor jj pastor liz we have julian and jaylene just having a great convo about that breaking it down breaking it down i can't wait to watch tuning in put your notifications subscribe all the things all the things all the things and the best way to actually do that is through our journey church app that's where they're going to be posted and so if you don't follow us on youtube that's okay download our app and then follow us on youtube so that way you can stay connected on the things that is happening but also if you would like to partner with us through generosity if you

want to continue to help make jesus accessible you can do so by going and doing that on our journey church app yeah absolutely i know you can find community on the app but another way to get involved as well is through next steps we have that going on next sunday so if you feel called just to get more involved in the church we have opportunities for you go ahead and scan that qr code below and we'll tell you all about it yeah you guys well we hope you have a blessed sunday because it's also super bowl sunday so you know just show them the socks well y'all be blessed it's been a blessing to be with y'all enjoy this and we'll see you next time love you