The Cure for Comparison | How to Happy | Twin Rivers Church

We are back in a grouping of messages called How to Happy. And if you ask most people, just an average person, hey, what do you want out of life? Most of them would say, well, I wanna be happy. Problem is, we're not very good at it. As a matter of fact, collectively, we're about as unhappy as we've ever been. And I think, I think it's because we tend to look for it in all the wrong places, in experiences, in purchases, in people. You just can't be happy and omit God, because after all, he's the one who created both us and how to be happy. So scripture says there's about 2,700 passages that use the word pleasure, celebration, joy, laughter, delight. Listen, God knows happy, and if we wanna learn how to happy, we have to include him. And today, I think maybe one of the most consequential messages in the entire series, because today, I wanna talk to you about what I think is probably the greatest obstacle to most people's happiness, which is comparison. I was coming back just last month from Oral Roberts University, a meeting that I had there in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I was driving back to St. Louis. And I, you know, for most people, this would just be a time to sit back and take in the scenic drive. I'm just not most people.

For me, a road trip is a race. The people around me don't know this race is happening, but there is a race, and I am trying to beat every person that is on this journey as well. And so, you know, as I'm driving, all of a sudden, this truck comes around me and speeds past me, and I thought, you're mine. Like, this is the moment. I mean, I, you know, buckle my seatbelt, put my hands on the steering wheel, I lock in, and I, me and this guy, we're now going. Now, let me let you know that the rental car company didn't have a lot of options, so they sent me on this journey in a minivan, okay? So now I'm trying to win the, you know, the Soccer Mom 500 is basically what it looks like. And I mean, I'm locked in. This guy, gotta give him credit. He's moving pretty quick in and out. I'm going in and out of traffic. I mean, I'm waiting for my moment. And right at the perfect time, I punch it and pass that loser by perfectly to win the race. And just as I'm about to celebrate, I look in my rear view mirror and there's some blue lights from one of Missouri's best. And, of course, I get pulled over. And I honestly, to this day, don't know what's worse, getting the ticket or watching that truck pass me. I'm not sure.

Now, comparison in that moment cost me about $150. But what's it costing you? You know, Theodore Roosevelt said that comparison is the thief of joy. And he was onto something because there's no doubt about it when comparison begins, contentment ends. Research shows us that comparison has an incredibly impactful effect on us and our brains. First of all, it's linked to an increase in anxiety and depression. But more than that, you should know that the comparison doesn't just damage your brain. It actually is an addictive behavior. See, the same dopamine that's released in your brain during something you eat or when you're rewarded or when you're having sex is the same dopamine that's released when you scroll and compare yourself to someone else's life. And like any drug, you start off with it, making you feel good, and then eventually you wanna stop, but you can't, and you continue to participate in it. And that's the reason comparison is so prevalent. We don't even realize we're doing it. When you walked in here today, you probably were comparing. I wish I had that car. I wish I had her hair. I wish I had his abs. I wish I had, you know, a husband. I wish I was, we even do it in our faith. I wish I could pray like they pray.

I wish I could sing like they sing. I wish I had a position like that. It's like we're in a nonstop, constant comparative reality. Well, the good news is this. It's not a new issue. It's a human issue, and God can still use you. As a matter of fact, comparison was the core issue for two of Jesus's most well-known disciples. And I wanna show it to you in John chapter 21. Let me give you a little context. Jesus was crucified, and when he was crucified, his disciples dispersed in fear. They were concerned that they too would be executed. They went in all different directions. And after Jesus's resurrection, three days later, he stayed on earth about 40 days, and most of what he did was regathering the disciples and recommissioning them in this new gospel that he presented to them. The last person that he restored, though, was Peter. And it's because Peter didn't just run in fear. Peter, actually, in the wake of the crucifixion, renounced his faith. There was a brokenness in his relationship with Jesus. And Peter, feeling the shame of this. Decision decided to not just leave the faith. He left Jerusalem and went back to his old life He was a fisherman and so John 21 comes in Jesus has found Peter early in the morning The Sun's not even up yet He comes to the shore where Peter and a group of disciples are in a boat fishing and he calls to them It's this beautiful picture of redemption Peter comes to shore and Jesus

Restores their relationship and then begins to recommission him to faith and they go on a walk On the shore as Jesus is starting to reveal to Peter some of the things that are gonna be ahead in his ministry in life And the Bible tells us that John is also there with them and I want to read you the account John chapter 21 starting verse 17 Jesus says to Peter feed my sheep. So this is the commissioning. He says very truly I'll tell you Peter when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted But when you are old you will stretch out your hands and someone will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God Then he says to Peter follow me Now verse 20 says Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following him timeout just a little humor John wrote the Gospel of John and Refers to himself as the disciple Jesus loved So I can understand why there's a little animosity with Peter This is the one who leaned back against Jesus at the supper and said Lord who will betray you When Peter saw John he asked well Lord, what about him? And Jesus answered if I want him to remain alive until I return. What is that to you? You must follow me and because of this a rumor spread among the believers that the disciple would not die But Jesus did not say that he would not die He only said if I want John to remain alive until I return What is it to you? So you have to get this Jesus is having this moment with Peter and he says Peter I'm gonna tell you some things. He said you're I'm gonna use your life. You're gonna carry my gospel You're gonna plant churches. You're gonna write He says but I also want you to know that you're gonna die Like I died you're gonna be crucified And Peter says well, how's he gonna die? And and Jesus could have made it better He could have said what listen Peter. It's okay. I'm gonna be with you. I know you're scared I know but instead Jesus looks at Peter and says, I don't know. He may live to our time forever You know, why would Jesus provoke John Peter?

I think it's because ultimately he wants to bring this heart issue to the surface. You know, the truth is is that we are Much more willing to keep comparison than Christ is in our own hearts, and he knows what a curse it is Most of us when we compare to other people we just don't even realize the spiritual implications First and foremost you have to understand that living through consistent comparison It will limit your relationship with Christ and it's found even in this passage Jesus and Peter are sharing a very meaningful conversation And it's heartfelt. It's it's insightful. It's it's it's all that we want in a relationship with Jesus and it is The moment that Peter gives his attention to John Listen, your attention is one of the greatest commodities you have and what you give it to will determine how strong your faith grows But you cannot have a strong relationship with Christ and give your attention to comparison and for some of you it's very practical I mean, that's the reason you are spiritually stagnant. I mean you sat down Intending to read the scriptures, but you find yourself scrolling someone else's life you you sat down intending to pray But then you find yourself thinking about another person's blessing They just received you you you sat down to worship But then your your mind goes to something happening at the workplace where they got promoted ahead of you or got an opportunity You didn't get for most of us. We don't realize that literally comparison is keeping us from the meaningful connections We desire in addition to that Comparison really denies God's goodness in our life Think about it this way Peter has just been restored to relationship with Jesus. He's just been recommissioned Could you imagine the immense gratitude that he feels I mean he abandoned Jesus and here's Jesus coming to find him I mean this gift of grace is overwhelming and then it fades like that Because he immediately gives his attention to what is going on in John's life Listen the moment you become fixated on God's goodness in someone else's life is the moment you forget his goodness in your life And for many of us, we don't recognize that when we compare what we're really praying is this God How come you haven't blessed me like that? When we compare we're saying God, how come you haven't done that for me? What an insult? Because God has blessed us all way more than we deserve And then I think this is just an act of grace out of Jesus because comparison is endless Had this moment not happened Peter would have continued in comparison his whole life because he had always been about comparison in his life

Study Peter's life. Here's what you'll find He's comparing where he's gonna sit in in the judgment seat of the the kingdom of God He he compares himself the Last Supper and his dedication compared to other disciples He compares himself in this moment when Jesus is on the shore The Bible says that Peter jumps in the water and swims to shore while the other disciples come in the boat because Peter wants to Show he's more passionate than the others, you know Jesus looks at Peter and basically says if I don't correct this pattern you'll stay in this for the rest of your life now It's starting to get warmer here in st. Louis And so you're gonna start noticing over the next few weeks that they're gonna be these Carnivals that come into town and they set up in different parking lots and different places and spaces and I mean who doesn't love a Good carnival, right? I mean you got all that fried food and all those games and and there's gonna be some rides and let me just say if You're the type of person who rides those type of rides. I Admire you Because you're willing to get on something that clearly has a lot of rust That has been taken apart and put back together 37 times by a person. I'm certain is not an engineer So if you're willing to get on that thing and ride it you have a gift of faith and I have some prayers I need you to pray for me You know, I love rides and I always prod Kayla this time of year. Let's go ride something She she likes roller coasters things like that But she ain't gonna ride nothing at a carnival like that because you know that the nature of it is they stay in one place They move around in the same position It's basically, you know spin you around and and listen if you want to see the second coming of a funnel cake Just put Kayla on something like that And you know, I was thinking about that that's really comparison comparison is just this carousel that never ends You you get on it and it goes nowhere and it just ultimately takes from you It's just endless I mean if you lose 25 pounds guess what somebody else lost 26 if you you have 10 sales someone else made 12 sales It doesn't matter what you purchase someone else's purchase something better

It doesn't matter what you've accomplished Someone else has accomplished something more to compare is basically to sign up to be perpetually dissatisfied for your entire life Now here's the bad news. You don't even have to try to compare its second nature to your human nature There's the good news You have a new nature When you chose to follow Christ, you were born again With a godly nature now, let me be honest that old nature is still wants to come around But you can strengthen your new nature. You do not have to live crippled by comparison There's a cure for it and one of the the ways that you can kind of strengthen this new nature is really by applying three Things consistently they're kind of exercises that I want to give you today To help you kind of strengthen your new nature so that you can be cured of comparison Here's the very first thing you're gonna need to do is you're going to have to accept yourself Now there was a groundbreaking study by a professor at Northwestern and they studied Olympic athletes And it's very interesting because one of the the most keen insights was bronze medalists are exceptionally quantifiably Happier than silver medalists now if you know anything about you know, the medal organization, obviously gold is first place Silver is second place and in third place is bronze So it's odd that the third place would be happier than the second place But here's what they found out when people won silver medals They tended to focus on what kept them from winning the gold medal Whereas when people won bronze medals They focused on the fact that they were very close to not winning a medal at all and had a sense of gratitude about it Listen, um your perspective on yourself Who you are what you are where you are in life It's one of those powerful forces you have and there are some of you who honestly are winning You're winning in parenting. You're winning in your finances. You're winning in in your marriage. You're winning at work You're winning in school, but you are but your perspectives wrong You don't accept yourself. And so you you actually are living a life that other people in thee

But you feel like a loser Because you have not learned to accept where you are and who you are Now let me say this when I say accept yourself what I'm not saying. I'm not saying, you know, we just well I've got all these flaws and it's no problem I'm not saying that that it just means settling as a matter of fact scripture says we should have a godly ambition Romans 8 says we're being crafted into the image of Christ, which means year over year. I want to look more like Jesus So there's a progression but there's this interesting thing in the Christian life where we are striving to look like him and yet Content in him at the same time that we are secure in his sovereignty That he chose us and that he chose the things about us and that he chose This placement of us and in that we rest. So let me tell you a couple of things you're gonna have to accept. Here's the first one. You have to accept how God made you. Most people obsess over their not, they wish they were taller, they wish they were thinner, they wish that they were smarter, they wish they were more disciplined, they wish they had more hair. A little personal this morning. But here's what's interesting. For all of our desire to be the complete package, did you know God never planned for you to be the complete package? Let me show it to you. First Corinthians chapter 12. Look at this. Now the writer is saying that God designed us

individually and collectively as akin to a body. Okay, now look, it says, now if the foot should say, because I'm not a hand, I do not belong to the body, it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if an ear should say, well, because I'm not an eye, I do not belong to the body, it would not for that reason stop being a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact, God has placed the, help me with this word, parts in the body. Every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? What this says is God never planned for you to be complete. He actually designed you to be part of a whole. And the reason he did that is because he wants you to be able to appreciate what you're not. He wants you to be able to partner with other people. And he wants us collectively in that to display his glory, that he completes us. And, you know, but let me say this, there's attention to it, as I mentioned, just because you're not the complete package doesn't mean you're common either. For example, God has this ability to not make us everything and at the same time, to make us a very unique thing.

For example, your fingerprints. You know, the reality is, for two people to have the same fingerprints, the chances of that are about one in 64 billion. As a matter of fact, even identical twins who come from the same womb, have the same birthday and have the same hair, do not have the same fingerprints. And then when you look at your eyes, the iris that you have of your eyes, the makeup of your eyes, it's more unique than your fingerprints. As a matter of fact, it's more unique because you can surgically change your fingerprints. You can't even change the iris in your eye. And the iris is also biometrically used for identification more accurately than anything else. Ultimately, every time you blink, you are displaying artwork that's never been seen before in the world. In addition to that, your voice is completely unique. That your vocal cords, your esophagus, the breathing patterns, all of that is so unique to you that your voice has never been heard on earth and it will never be heard again after you pass. And then your DNA, I mean, it's unbelievable. If we looked at your strand of DNA, the chances of two people having the same DNA is one in 400 quadrillion, which by the way, quadrillion is 15 zeros following the prime number.

So let me just put it this way. You are so unique and so specifically designed that math struggles to come up with a formula for you. This is what he's saying, is that you are part and irreplaceable. You are part and completely irreplaceable. No one could ever replace you because God's never designed another you. And if you ever get that in your heart, all of a sudden comparison falls apart. This is why, this is not just encouraging what scripture says. When it says you were fearfully and wonderfully made, it means it. When it says you were the apple of God's eye, it means it. When it says you are his tapestry, his masterpiece, his beloved, it means it. And you're gonna have to accept that about your life. You're also gonna have to accept that, not just how God made you, but you also have to accept what you have. I know we all want more. I know everybody here has dreams and desires and goals and ambitions. There's nothing wrong with that. But listen to me, the quickest way to kill a blessing is ultimately to forget that it came from God. But the quickest way to kill comparison is to count your blessings. You know, and even some of the things you don't like

about your life, they're from God. For example, in her book, The Hiding Place, Corrie Ten Boom talks about her and her sister Betsy were held in a concentration camp during World War II, awful conditions, overcrowded bunks, barely enough food, abuse from the guards. And in their particular camp, they had a, their barrack, they had fleas and they had, she talks about how they had bites all up in their arms and their legs. Corrie said, I hated everything about it, but she said, Betsy had this incredible outlook. She had this ability to see something good in all things. And she demanded that we, in this circumstance, thank God for what he'd given us. And she said, even the fleas. She said, I can't believe that we would thank God for the fleas, but we did every day. Well, it wasn't uncommon for the guards to come to these barracks and to, you know, ransack them or even abuse the people that are in them. But Corey said, I noticed that they very rarely came to our barrack. As a matter of fact, they came so rarely to our barrack that we were able to have Bible studies, prayer meetings, and even play games, which helped with the mental fortitude to go through such an extraordinary circumstance. She said, I found out years later, the reason none of those guards ever came to our barracks is because they knew it was infested with fleas.

The very thing I was complaining about is the very thing God was using to protect me in that season. Listen, at some point you gotta stop asking, God, why don't I have that? And you gotta say, God, open my eyes to what you've given me. I don't see it the way you see it, but there's purpose in everything you've given me in my life. Listen, if you really wanna live free from comparison, you have to get to the place where you thank God for who you are, where you are, and what you have. And when you can get your heart there, comparison starts to fade. Here's the second kind of exercise, if you will, that I think is gonna be important is, you not only have to accept yourself, this one's gonna be tougher, you have to appreciate others. There is some common myths in our society, they're pervasive, you believe many of them. Here's the first one, I have to have more to be happier. The second one is, is that ultimately, I have to do more to be worthy. And here's the third one, life is a competition, and I have to do anything I can to win. Listen, let me free you, life's not a competition. You're not in competition with anybody. You're not in competition with your neighbor, you're not in competition with your friend,

you're not in competition with your siblings, you're not in competition with what your parents did, you're not in competition with the people you work. Life's not a competition, and here's why. Because God is able to bless you and every other person in exactly the measure he desires. God has uniquely given you a course for life, and he's given me a course for life, we can both win. Now, one of the things that I would say remains the heart of many of us is this competitive comparison. And maybe you don't even recognize you have it, but I'll give you a couple indicators here. If you rarely celebrate other people, if you're stingy with appreciation or compliments, or here's one, if you secretly are happy when other people fail, there's some problems. As a matter of fact, I've got a verse for you, it's from Jesus himself, Matthew chapter seven. It says, do not judge or you will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, notice this, you'll be judged, and notice this, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. See, at the core, here's the problem with comparison. You ready? When I compare myself to you, I've only got two options, either inferiority or superiority. It means I either feel that I'm less than, or I feel that you're less than. I either end up in insecurity or I end up in pride.

And the problem with either one of those ends of the spectrum is God doesn't reward it. And I wonder, could it be that the reason that God has not blessed you is because secretly in your heart, you are wanting him not to bless others? I hate that about myself. I mean, don't you just like, don't you have feelings sometimes towards people and you're like, ah, why do I feel that way? It's so toxic, so ugly, yet it's there. So how, you know, my problem is I just feel so natural. So how, how do I take these feelings I can't stop and somehow end up with a godly outcome? Well, I'm gonna teach you something. A couple of months ago, I was having lunch with somebody here from the South County campus, and they mentioned they're a black belt. Okay, and I don't know a lot about martial arts, but that intrigued me. And they also mentioned they're on the security team. So secretly, I've been wanting one of y'all to try something so I could see what a black belt could do to you. Okay, so we've got a candidate today, go to the lobby, try some, I just, I'll look at the footage for my entertainment, okay? Now listen, I assumed it would be, you know, I mean, I don't know anything, karate. And they said, no, no, karate is a striking martial art. I'm a black belt in judo.

Judo is a grappling martial art. And they said, here's the thing about judo is I'm not creating energy, I'm redirecting it. I said, what do you mean? Well, I take someone else, my opponent's energy, and as they try to come at me, I redirect it to actually undo them. So I use their own momentum against them. Okay, so why are you telling us this? Here's why, because I'm about to teach you how to become a black belt in judging judo. You ready? Here's what you. When your heart has those feelings that are ugly towards someone What you're gonna do instead of resisting it as you're immediately gonna redirect it and start blessings that person Listen when I have jealousy towards you. That's the indicator. I'm now going to compliment you When all of a sudden I have I have this criticism of you immediately. I'm going to encourage you When all of a sudden I just feel this like this envy for what you have Immediately, I'm going to celebrate what you've received I'm using my negative feelings to conquer my negative feelings by letting my negative feelings Tell me where to direct my godly words I'm telling you're gonna use the momentum that your your soul person has and you're gonna redirect it into godly behavior and it's gonna undo Comparison your heart now now listen, this takes a lot of intentionality It takes a lot of soul work a lot of effort, but it's worth it. Here's why because nothing matters quite more To God than how you treat people It's a matter of fact. I'm gonna say this if you're holding Ugly things in your heart towards other people. I guarantee God's withholding something he wants to do in your life But if he ever finds a heart that wants the best for others, he finds a heart he can bless This is no small thing This is so important that you and I learn to appreciate others

Now here's the last one. I want you to attend to your calling Now Jesus is just very direct in this I mean, you know Peter's trying to well, what about John and what should happen there and and Jesus doesn't entertain it at all He literally immediately redirects Peter back to his own life. And here's why Jesus understands there's so much calling on Peter's life Just like there's great calling on your life, but it will never be fulfilled if you give yourself to comparison You you will never complete all I have for you if you give yourself to comparison You see the greatest fear for your life should not be failure The greatest fear for your life should be that you would actually succeed at things. God never called you to do Can you imagine coming and showing up at heaven and God saying and you showing him all that you did and he say that's great But I didn't ask you to do any of that What you did is tried to live someone else's calling because you were bound by comparison. This is why Jesus looks at Peter He doesn't entertain the conversation. Here's what he says Follow me Peter Follow me Don't look to the right. Don't look to the left. Follow me Because he is this is you have this calling Peter. You see God doesn't compare us to one another God only compares us to his standard for our life And when we receive in heaven, this is how we can all go to heaven and we can all be rewarded He's not gonna be comparing me to you in heaven and you to me when we show up. He's gonna be Comparing you to his plan for you you to his calling for you. And this is how we can all go to heaven and Celebrate and be rewarded because we all had an individual ways a course that we completed to honor him now Listen, this must have gotten in Peter because 30 years after this conversation Peter's an old man and He writes in 2nd Peter, which was his final letter 2nd Peter chapter 1 verse 13. He says I think it right as Long as I am in this earthly tent. He's talking about his body He said I'm gonna inspire you and remind you so remember he's writing to a church

So he says I think it right as long as I'm still here in this body I'm gonna keep doing what I'm called to do which is build the church He says but I know That soon I'll be laying aside this earthly tent of mine It's imminent. He says How do you know this Peter? Because Jesus Christ made it clear to me all the way back in John 21 He says I'm on my way to Rome And my days are coming to an end, but he said I'm gonna complete this calling and Peter was crucified during Nero's persecution of the church Jerome a church father says that when they went to crucify Peter They laid him on the cross and he had one request that he would not be Hung in the same measure as Jesus, but he would be crucified upside down He said because I'm not worthy to be crucified as my lord It's interesting isn't it at the end of his life he's not comparing himself to anyone else but Jesus I Guess he was cured of comparison and fulfilled that calling Now I want to I want to point out something that I think is worth Pulling out of this text and it's this There's an irony in John 21. And it's this. Peter is comparing himself to John, but had he known what was going to happen to John, he would not have wanted John's life. You see, what happens to John is, is that John doesn't live forever. In fact, he's arrested, he's beaten, and they go to execute him by boiling him alive in oil. But he survives. And so they take his body and they ditch it on a small island in exile where John lives the rest of his days in complete isolation. I think if Peter would have known that, he'd have said, I'm good. But in that is the lesson, right? Comparison only exists where you see success. And the truth is, what we're comparing ourselves to, we never see the pain and the problems people are going through. Comparison is a skewed view that only sees the positive. It

never sees reality. You know, I, um, first 20 years of my life, I had a, uh, I was inseparable with my childhood best friend. His name was Jared. Jared was a few years older than me. And, um, he, his dad was my pastor. And I mean, Jared and I were the, the, the classic best friends through elementary, junior high, high school, and starting into college. But it really did put me in a position where I lived most of those 20 years in comparison. Um, Jared just was, I don't know that I've ever met anybody more talented. I mean, he, he was the quarterback of the football team, all state. He was, he was a all state, you know, pitcher in baseball, could play basketball. He taught himself to play piano. He sang like an angel and led worship. He, um, he was smart, did well in school. He was popular. He was good looking. I mean, it was, it was unbelievable. And so I, I just, I, he was a dear friend to me and so good to me. And at the same time, there was just this constant, like, oh man, I just, he's perfect. And I'm, you know, and, and, and if you would ask me like it, it, when my teen years, if you would've said, Joe, we found a lamp and if you'll rub it, this genie comes out and you get one wish, what's your wish? I would have said without any pause, I want to be Jared. Okay. But sometimes mercy looks like God not giving us what we think we want. Or as the great theologian Garth Brooks said, one of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers. Because at about 20, Jared's life started to spiral. The people around him changed and he got the wrong voices and the wrong voices introduced him to narcotics. Narcotics introduced him to addiction. Addiction caused him to be introduced to shame. Shame caused him to leave ministry. Eventually he lost his job. Then eventually lost his marriage. Now he recovered. God restored him. But in effect, it's 10 to 12 years of pain. And turns out I didn't want what I thought I wanted. I wanted what God had for me. Listen to me. You don't want what you think you want. You want God's plan for your life. Comparison when it's refused is us expressing in faith, God, you want best for me. You want best for me. Comparison when denied is us declaring, God, I trust you. Let me tell you, people who trust God are happier because he always gives us better than we would have given for ourselves.