Talking to Kids About Porn, God, and Family Rhythms | Crossroads Church

We're a real place for real people. And so I'm just going to be answering some real questions based off this iPad. Hey, my name is Caleb. I'm a father of three, specifically of two boys, ages 11 and 10. And I want them to hear about pornography from me first. So I need to have that conversation with them. I'm feeling like I need to have it with them. My question for you is, how do I have that conversation? How do I begin it without generating interest from them into pornography? I am pretty sure they don't know that it exists yet. And so I want them to hear it from me, but I don't want them to go looking for it. Love any help that you have. Well, first of all, 10 and 11, I will tell you, I now know that one of my kids was first exposed to pornography around that age. So I thought I was safe. I thought we were doing all the right things and it wasn't at our house. It was at one of their friends houses. So man, it's such a difficult one. And the only analogy that I think works with this one for me is think about it like counterfeit money. You know, what I know is for people who are good at spotting counterfeit money, they don't study counterfeits. They actually study real money.

And so I think from early in their life, and you probably are already doing this, but early in their life, all the way through, the more conversations you can have with them about healthy sexuality, about healthy identity, it just gives you resources to draw on when and if they get exposed to pornography. That you can point them back to the authentic, point them back to the real, point them back to the healthy conversations you've had. And just trust that in that, God can use that to make the hook of pornography not a hook for them. So even if they come across it, it doesn't mean that they're gonna go deep down the well and I think the difference between whether they would or won't. A lot of that is really how safe and how honest did my own parents make it to talk about sex? If you've made it safe and honest and it's not shameful and secret, then you're already ahead of the game. And I think that helps tremendously. When and if your boys see it or confront it, I think they'll be in the best place possible for it to not get a hold of their life. - Hey, my name's Ellen. I've been reading in scripture a lot lately about what it means to wait on the Lord to wait. Patiently, bravely, courageously, quietly. I was just wondering, what does that actually look like?

What does it really mean? What are some tangible ways to wait on the Lord? - Man Ellen, what a great question. Waiting on the Lord, it can feel nebulous, right? And you know, is it just like I just sit and I kind of like do this for a while until God does something. Oftentimes in the Bible, waiting on the Lord doesn't mean you're doing nothing. Usually waiting on the Lord means being faithful to the last thing he told you. So when you look in the scriptures, you'll see this pattern all throughout the Bible of people God intersects when they were being faithful to the last thing he told them to do. I'll give you an interesting example in this for me. It's kind of a small aside in the Bible, but Isaac. Isaac, when Isaac's wife, Rebecca, was coming to him after all the journey that went into finding the right wife for him and bringing him back to her. It says that Isaac had gone out into the field to pray, to be with God. And he looked up and he saw his wife. And I've always thought about that because what was Isaac doing? He wasn't at home saying, okay, maybe this is the day when I find out who I'm gonna marry. No, what he was doing was being faithful in his relationship with God. And when it was time for the next thing,

God called him to it. And we see that over and over again where God calls people out of their current faithfulness into the next thing. So maybe thinking about waiting on the Lord, not as passive, but as active. In my life, waiting on the Lord has looked like just being faithful to the thing in front of me, not needing to know what's next. And maybe that's what it might look like for you. It's just being faithful to the thing that's right in front of you right now. - Hey, my name is Mark. I was wondering what are some good habits that you had with your family and kids as your kids were growing up? - Great question about habits with family and kids as they're growing up. I never forget what somebody told me that if you want your kids to love Jesus, the most important thing you can do is have dinner together every night. I know that sounds crazy and it's not even possible all the time, but I will tell you that the power of being around a table with your family is immense. It's the place where you can celebrate milestones like birthdays, it's the place where you can introduce them to spiritual practices, it's the place where you can have hard conversations.

So I would say having a rhythm of meals together, however frequently and however meals you can, that would be number one. And number two, one of the best things I learned from a mentor is prioritize one on one time with your kids. And you can start where your kids are infants. whether that's staring into their eyes as they babble as an infant or, you know, taking them to a park and letting them swing on a swing when they're toddlers or elementary school. Or what I do now is once a week, I take one of my kids out for coffee and we just catch up on life. That rhythm and practice is so powerful and it's so simple, but it's really hard to commit to it. But if you do over time, man, I think it's just one of the best things you can do with your kids. Hey, my guess is you have questions. You might be asking for yourself. You might be asking for a friend. We wanna hear from you. So let us know what your real questions are and we're gonna respond. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)