Stronger Marriages - Saddleback Weekend Service

(crowd cheering) ♪ In those walls that only caught sin and shame ♪ ♪ They were like prisons that we couldn't escape ♪ ♪ But he came and he died ♪ ♪ And he rose, we believed ♪ ♪ Those walls are rubble ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ (upbeat music) (crowd cheering) ♪ Remember those giants we called Death and Grey ♪ ♪ They were like mountains that stood in our way ♪ ♪ But he came and he died ♪ ♪ And he rose, those giants are dead now ♪ ♪ This is our God, this is who he is ♪ ♪ He loves us, and this is our God ♪ ♪ This is what he does, he saves us ♪ ♪ He poured the cross, beat the grave ♪ ♪ Let heaven and earth proclaim ♪ ♪ This is our God, King Jesus ♪ ♪ And with that fear that took our breath away ♪ ♪ It's so weak that we could barely pray ♪ ♪ But he heard every word, every whisper ♪ ♪ Now those answers in the wilderness ♪ ♪ They tell the story of his faithfulness ♪ ♪ And he never wants, did he fail ♪ ♪ And he never will ♪ ♪ This is our God, this is who he is ♪ ♪ He loves us, and this is our God ♪ ♪ This is what he does, he saves us ♪ ♪ He poured the cross, beat the grave ♪

♪ Let heaven and earth proclaim ♪ ♪ This is our God, King Jesus ♪ ♪ Who pulled me out of that dead ♪ ♪ He did, he did ♪ ♪ Who paid for all the Boston ♪ ♪ We declare nobody but Jesus ♪ ♪ Who pulled me out of that dead ♪ ♪ He did, he did ♪ ♪ Who paid for all the Boston ♪ ♪ Nobody but Jesus ♪ ♪ Who rescued me from that grave ♪ ♪ Yahweh, Yahweh ♪ ♪ Who gets the glory and praise ♪ ♪ Nobody but Jesus ♪ ♪ They will rescue me from that grave ♪ ♪ Yahweh, Yahweh ♪ ♪ Who gets the glory and praise ♪ ♪ No body but him ♪ ♪ This is our God, this is who he is ♪ ♪ He loves us, this is our God ♪ ♪ This is what he does ♪ ♪ He saves us, we go to cross ♪ ♪ He can pray and heaven and earth proclaim ♪ ♪ This is our God, King Jesus ♪ ♪ We go to cross, he can pray ♪ ♪ And heaven and earth proclaim ♪ ♪ This is our God, King Jesus ♪ (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ I know who I am ♪

♪ 'Cause I know who you are ♪ ♪ The cross of salvation ♪ ♪ Was only the star ♪ ♪ Now I am chosen ♪ ♪ I'm free and forgiven ♪ ♪ And I have a future ♪ ♪ And it's worth living ♪ ♪ So now it's made to be ♪ ♪ Tinting a grave I was called by ♪ yes so why would i make bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from more so i know who i am because i know who you are the cause of salvation was only the star now i am chosen i'm free yes i have a future and it's worth believing in yes it is so now was it made to be to be in your grave i was pulled by me born and raised back to life again i was made from old so why would i make bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from old and it's in hallelujah you come out of my name so i'll sing out your praise

hallelujah you carry my past i'm not going back hallelujah you come out of my name so i'll sing out your praise hallelujah you carry my past i'm not going back it's worth believing in me so now was it made to be to be in your grave i was pulled by me born and raised back to life again i was made from old so why would i make a bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from old so why would i make a bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from old so why would i make a bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from old so now was it made to be tending a grave i was pulled by me born and raised back to life again i was made from old we believe that so i want to make so why would i make a bed in my shame when a fountain of grace is running my way i know i am yours i was made from old hallelujah we were made for more even church family we are in a message series called stronger

and today we're going to learn about stronger marriages and next week we're going to learn about stronger homes but we know that the reality is that many of us are walking into church just facing some really hard situations right now so in the seat back in front of you where it might be under you it can pull out a prayer request card you can go ahead and do that right now if you sit in the front row you're going to see it under you go ahead and pull that request card out you might have to pass it down to your neighbor and share but these prayer requests are from people in our church asking for prayer asking for someone to stand in the gap asking for someone to intercede on their behalf and so that's what we're going to do right now we're going to ask you to kind of multitask in this next song we're going to sing I Speak Jesus we're going to speak the name of Jesus over these cards Jesus the one who can save the one who can redeem the one who can restore so we're going to pray and we're going to worship so I invite you to do that right now go and read those cards and we're going to pray and we're going to worship I just want to speak the name of Jesus over every heart and every mind because I know there is peace within your presence I speak Jesus I just want to speak the name of Jesus till every dark addiction starts to break declaring there is hope and there is freedom I speak Jesus cuz your name is power your name is here your name is love break every strong shine through the shadows burn like a fire I just want to speak the name of Jesus over fear and all anxiety to every soul captain for depression I speak to Jesus cuz your name is power your name is here your name is break every strong shine through the shadows burn like a fire oh your name is your name is love your name is healing your name is love break every strong shine through the shadows burn like a fire I want to declare today church shout Jesus from the mountains Jesus in the streets Jesus in the darkness over every enemy Jesus for my family I speak the holy name Jesus

Jesus from the mountains Jesus in the streets Jesus in the darkness over every single man Jesus for my family I speak the holy name Jesus come on let's sing your name your name is power your name is here your name is power your name is love my name is your name ♪ But life will burn ♪ ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is evil ♪ ♪ Your name is evil ♪ ♪ Make every stronger ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ (gentle music) ♪ I just won't speak the name of Jesus ♪ ♪ Over every heart and every mind ♪ ♪ 'Cause I know there is peace within your presence ♪ ♪ I speak Jesus ♪ - Can we lift that prayer card to the Lord? ♪ I speak Jesus ♪ ♪ I speak Jesus ♪ ♪ I say ♪ ♪ I speak Jesus ♪ - Father, as we gather together today in worship, we declare the name of Jesus. God, over these prayer requests that we just prayed over, Lord, we ask that Your mighty hand would move upon them, that You would bring peace, that You would bring breakthrough, that You would move upon the lives of these families and upon these marriages. God, we thank You that we can come before You in prayer,

in Your mighty name we pray, in Jesus' name, amen. Well, thank You for joining us for church today. We are so glad that You are with us. And, hey, if you are watching on YouTube, we wanna invite you to click that link in the description to open up our digital program, or even better, you can open up our Saddleback app, or download it right now, if you don't have it yet, just search Saddleback Church on your local app store. But, open that up because this week, we are in week three of our stronger series. And, we get the opportunity to get to hear from pastors Andy and from pastors Stacy, as they share about stronger marriages together. And, we wanna make sure that you get the chance to follow along with the message notes, and you can do that through the digital program and through our Saddleback app. And, if you're checking out our church for the very first time, we are so glad that you are here. We would love to know that you're joining us today, and help you either get plugged into a local campus, or to our online community that you can be a part of from anywhere in the world. So, through that digital program, or through our Saddleback app, just make sure to fill out that new here form, and we would love to connect with you. But, church family, we wanna invite you to also join us for activate.

If you are new to our church, or maybe haven't taken the step to get plugged in, get engaged with our church yet, activate is a great opportunity to do that. It happens every month, and it's a one hour session when we share more about what our church believes, what it looks like to live out your purposes that God has given you, and to also be a part of our church. We like to call it your starting point here at Saddleback. And so, you can sign up for activate. We've got two sessions going on this month. We know some of you are international, so we wanted to provide another opportunity for you to join us. You can find out more and register for activate through the Saddleback app. We would love to see you meet you on Zoom, and get to know your story, and how God is moving in your life. So join us for that. We hope to see you there. There's a lot going on in the life of our church, and incredible ways in how God is moving. And so, let's join Pastor Jacob for this message. - Hey Saddleback. Did you know that we have over 3,500 people serving across all of our campuses? Whether it's teaching kids about Jesus and Saddleback kids, helping people get connected at the hub,

or loving our neighbors through community outreach, these are just some of our amazing volunteers who make up what we call the dream team. And dream team this month, we get to celebrate you. Our annual dream team rally is truly unlike anything else we do here at Saddleback. Throughout the entire year, you spend so much time serving others. And this dream team rally is our chance to celebrate you, with stories, worship, games, and some fun surprises in store. All of it is just to say thank you. This year's team rally is going to be a whole lot of fun, and you're not going to want to miss it. You can find out more info about your campuses rally date and sign up in the Saddleback app today. And this weekend, we are also continuing our stronger message series. And during this series, we are growing stronger together through the five week challenge. The habits that we build today shape the people that we become tomorrow. And that's why this challenge is all about making the habit of gathering at church each week to strengthen our faith, relationships, and our homes. So before we continue You can open up to the Saddleback app and you can tap the five-week challenge banner to check in this week. And if this is your first week joining us, then you can still jump in today.

The habit of gathering together is taking root somewhere pretty incredible. And that's actually at our newest campus in the men's prison in Davao, Philippines. Since launching in August, men have been gathering every Thursday to worship, to hear God's word and to discover what it means to follow Jesus. Last week, 130 men stayed after service for their first activate. Think about that for a second. 130 men want to discover what God has for them and his purpose for them right where they are today. And because of your faithful giving, you are part of what God is doing in the Philippines. Your giving helps our church keep showing up and helping these men grow as followers of Jesus. You see, in first Chronicles 29, 14, David says to God, "Everything comes from you, "and we have given you only what comes from your hand." Church, we believe that everything we have belongs to God. We aren't giving God our money, we're managing his. He's the one who provides for us and giving us a practical way that we put our trust in him. You can give your tithe and your offering today through the Saddleback app or by using one of the giving envelopes near you. And Saddleback, again, thank you. Because of your generosity,

men in a prison in the Philippines are hearing about Jesus, finding a church family and discovering that they too have something to give back. They're part of our church and we get to be part of their story. So let's be praying for and celebrating what God is doing in Devau. - Well, church family, it's so good to be together. I want to welcome all of you who are joining us online in all of our campuses. Today, we are in the third week of our stronger series and I'm very excited to be teaching with Stacy, my what? - Hey. - Yeah. - Good to be here. - We're gonna have some fun together. We're gonna talk about marriage today, so it's gonna be a lot of fun. Before we jump in though, I do want to say to all of our campuses, it was great this last week, I got the privilege of going to our South Bay campus and our Anaheim campus. And I just want to do a little shout out. It was so encouraging to be at those locations to see what God is doing all across Southern California, even to hear stories of what God is doing in Devau and the Philippines. God is on the move in our church family. And when you're gathered in one physical space,

sometimes it's hard to see the full magnitude. We are one church in 18 campuses all over planet Earth. God is moving and today as we gather together, I believe God wants to speak to us about the beauty of His design for marriage. Now, before we jump in to looking at His design for marriage, we thought it would be fun just to ask, who's in the room when it comes to marriage? - Yes, so we want to celebrate the longevity of some of your marriages. And if you're at a campus with us, we want to ask you to participate as well. So if you have been married 20 years or longer, would you stand up and let us just honor and recognize all of those? - All right, stay standing. - Amazing, amazing. Okay, give your spouse a hug if you're here with them. And then if you have been married for 30 years or longer, remain standing and if you've been 30 years or more. Awesome, yeah, you should give a hug for every decade. If you've been married 40 years or longer, please stay standing. Okay, we still have a few at the Lake Forest campus who are still standing. - The people that are standing at all of our campuses are standing longer than the Israelites or they've been married longer than the Israelites or in the desert, it's awesome. - Okay, let's see if there's anyone

who's been married for longer than 50 years, 50 years or more. - 50 years or more. We still have a couple couples here at Lake Forest. - Wow. - Amazing, okay, anyone that's been married 60 years or more, 60 years or more. - All right, why don't you go back to 55 or more? Anybody, 55? - 55 years or more? - In this service, we tapped out at 50. Maybe some are still standing at our campuses. Maybe some of you at campuses, like after 30, there was nobody standing. That's why we're doing this message series. So. - Right, stronger marriage. Come on. - All right. - Okay, so our goal for today is in alignment with this whole series that we believe that God has a divine design for our lives. And according to his good word that has good news for us, there's a design for men and there's a design for women and there's a design for marriage. And if we could just figure out what God originally designed and if we could live in alignment with that, actually it would bless our lives. We would be strengthened. Our lives would flow. just from the word of God, gain more understanding of what is his intended design for marriage. - Yeah, and we know that at our church, we have people from all different walks of life.

Some of you have been married for a long time, like we just saw. Some of you, you're maybe newly married. Others of you, perhaps you're single, and you've walked through a divorce or wanting to get married. And we know sometimes that our view of marriage is influenced more than just what the Bible teaches. There's a lot that plays into how you see marriage. And I thought it would be good for us on the front end, just to notice what shaping a lot of people's perspective in our culture right now, the reality of marriage. Almost like the state of marriage and culture. And so you're gonna see some stats that are gonna come on the screen. You might even pull your phone out. You can take a picture of these. Some of you love this kind of stuff, sociology. You like to go deeper into it. But I want you to notice some patterns as you look at that screen. I want you to notice that now, compared to 50 years ago, there are fewer households that have married people in them. There are more people who are currently living alone, which has resulted in a lot of loneliness in our world. There are many more people who have never been married as adults. There are many people who are living together as the norm before they get married. So they just have decided like, this is how we're going to do it. And there are probably some folks like that

that are listening to my voice that are a part of our church family. And we're gonna give you the opportunity today to make a decision to get married. Now, we're not gonna do it right here in the service, but some of you, today, that's gonna be your... - It's all like a mass wedding. - Yeah. - Just turn to the person you're living with. - That'd be a great service. But we're gonna give you an opportunity. Some of you, that's gonna be what you decide to do today to say, I'm gonna put a ring on it and get married. And then this last one, we found interesting, the gray divorce, which means older people that are getting divorced, it's doubled in the last 50 years. So there's so many of these statistics that are alarming to us and they're influencing the way that we see marriage. Yeah, that gray divorce one was shocking to me, it doubled. Which, I just think that if you're raising kids together and then the kids move away and you're like, oh, who are you? I don't like you anymore. And because we didn't nurture our marriages when our children were being raised. I mean, a lot of times that is what happens. Okay, one more slide with some statistics.

And this one is about how family structure has changed, the people who are living in homes together. And specifically, it's for ages 25 to 34. Okay, so if you look at this, the main one I wanna point out, take a picture of it, but the main one I'm gonna point out is the dramatic drop of people who are living with their spouse. So in 1967, almost 83% of people were living in a married relationship and closer to today, 37% living in a married relationship. So the structure of family life has just radically changed. - The other thing that is very important for us to recognize, in our prayer cards, every weekend we have prayer cards and we write prayer requests on those cards. Over 53% over half of the cards that come in pertain to marriage or family. Some kind of prayer that we're asking God to do in our lives at home. And so this is a very, very tender subject. There's a lot of pain. A lot of you carry wounds from the past. We believe that God wants to heal tonight, today at all of our campuses. We believe that God wants to reach into these spaces in our life to lift our vision and by the power of the Holy Spirit to touch us through His word. So we're gonna look at three primary passages

starting in Genesis 2.24. - Okay, so I'm gonna read these three passages to you and what you're gonna notice is that there is one verse that is repeated in all three passages and that's very significant because the first passage is from the very beginning, the creation story. The second passage is when Jesus is teaching in the gospels and he's going to point back to that same verse. And then Paul, after Jesus has gone back to heaven, Paul's teaching the church and he's gonna point back to that same verse. So a wildly significant verse when it talks about family life and marriage. So look along with me in your notes or on the screen. It says in Genesis 2.24. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh. Now over in the gospel of Matthew, this is what Jesus says in chapter 19. Haven't you read? He replied that at the beginning, the Creator made them male and female and said for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they're no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.

So Jesus expands a little bit on what he's getting at. Why is this so important? Now later, the Apostle Paul is gonna be teaching the early church. and this is what he says, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ in the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. So from this one verse, which is repeated three times, that doesn't happen often in scripture, that's very rare. And so it's very significant. What we're seeing is that God is actually defining marriage for us and he's giving us some principles to live by. So we're gonna use that verse and these passages to kind of be the foundation for the message today. - Yeah, so the strength that God wants to give to our homes starting with marriage, first of all, is commitment out of God's design, committing to his design to do it his way. And this is something that wherever you are, whether you are married or not yet married, or you have walked through a really painful situation today, from this point forward, we can make a commitment to do it God's way. Now in these few passages,

God outlines what his design actually is. So last week, as Stacey talked about women, the first week I talked about men, this is culminating together with the beauty of the gift of marriage that he gives to us. Now notice Genesis 2.24, as we looked at, if you have your notes, it says, "For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, "be united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." So there's a sequence that God gives. And the sequence that he gives is that the man leaves his parents, he cleaves to his new wife, and the two of them consummate their marriage and sexual intimacy. So they leave, they cleave, and then they consummate. And this beautiful picture that God gives to us is ordered. And if you look at this first one of leaving, I know you have some thoughts on this. - I do. And I also think that often this gets out of order, in our day and age, right? Like we're like, "Let's start with consummation." And then we'll figure out if we wanna leave mom and dad. And that's just, you know, it doesn't work out so well. It's not God's design. But thinking specifically about the leading part of this sequence, that this is something that young men should be thinking about by the time they're 17 years old.

That there's like a, God has designed a young man to want his independence, to want to be on his own. And there's a series of events that have to happen to enable a young man to be on his own. Andy and I have raised two boys that are over the age of 17, and we see this growing inside of them. But a lot of times young men these days are like, how long can I stay on mom and dad's paycheck? Like how can, how long will they pay my cell phone bill? How long can they pay my insurance? Instead of thinking, no, how can I become independent, self-sufficient, paying my own way, and then also being able to provide for others? I think that in culture today, we just live in this narrative of like an extended adolescence. But young men are capable of amazing things. Like you think back, it was 18 year olds that were storming the beaches of Normandy. Alexander the Great was 22 years old when he began his military campaign to take over the whole world. So young men are capable of greatness, but our culture is lulling them to sleep. And so if you're a young man in the room, I would just say, hey, wake up and to step into this desire to like, to not just like leave your parents and not have a relationship with them, but to become a man who's able to provide for yourself, and then to provide for others as well. Yeah, I would also add to that,

for those of you who are parents, a lot of you who have kids about the age of our kids, you know, this is one of the most challenging seasons of parenting that we've encountered. One of my mentors said to me, he said, you know, when your kids are born, there's a stack of books for parenting little kids this big. And then when they get into like elementary school, the stack gets about this big, and then middle school it's about this big, and high school it's about this big. And when they become young adults, it's like that big. And the truth is, this season can be very confusing. One of the greatest gifts that we can give to our kids is they're being raised, especially to young men, is to transfer responsibility over to them, as Stacy was saying. And that leaving then moves to cleaving. And the word in the original language literally means to cling or to stick to. So it means that the husband and the wife become a new family. And a lot of the times in the journey of leaving and cleaving, there's kind of this cleaving without the leaving. And there are a lot of marriages that are so enmeshed with the family of origin. So what we want, and what is so important in God's design, is that a husband and a wife create a new family unit. but they are their own family entities. So if your son gets married to a woman,

you did not gain a daughter. Like your son gained a wife and there's a new family unit. And sometimes we get confused. We mean it well when we say that, but God's design is to support them and bless them that they would be their own unit. Then finally, the consummation is the intimacy that God gives as a beautiful gift. And we'll talk a little bit more about that further on. But as Stacy had mentioned, God's beautiful design with order, if we get that out of order, there's so much pain that we experience as a result. Now, it's become the norm, as we've seen in statistics, that so many people, they just live together before they get married. And as a result of that, later on, there's a lot of pain. So God sets it up that marriage would be the sacred covenantal relationship that's different than any other relationship and the preservation of sexual intimacy being for the moment that marriage is just that a husband and a wife commit together covenantally before God, then that is the gift that God gives. - You know, I was just thinking about our personal relationship and our history and how when we first got married, we were young, 21 years old, but we moved away from both of our families to a completely different state of Texas

where we went to seminary. And that was super hard, it was challenging because neither of us had ever been like adults before and responsible for our own bills and everything like this. And so there were so many challenges that we faced living without the nearby support of family. But the thing that was beautiful about it is it did force us because we physically left the home, it forced us to cleave to one another and to figure out life together. And so I'm not saying that that's required, that every young couple should just like up and move to another state. But what I am saying is that there should be some intentional leaving of the family of origin, not that you lose relationship, you still need your parents as a valuable part of being mentors in your life, but that a measurement that's so easy to let happen if you're not intentional about it, that's the heart behind leaving your family of origin to cleave to your spouse. - Yeah, when Stacy and I were in college, she had her dad's debit card. And the day that we got married, that well dried up. And her dad was like, very clear. He is, you are now his responsibility. - I went from like middle class girl to like living below the poverty line. - Yeah, I brought her down below the poverty line.

The day she got married to me. - Yeah. So okay, a part of this committing to God's design is the idea that a marriage is consecrated and that the way God designed it is that it's one man and one woman living in covenant together. And so what that means is that consecration is that it means it's sacred. It's set apart. It's different from every other relationship that we have. And I would even go so far as to say that if you're married, that is the most important relationship in your life in God's eyes. That doesn't mean your other relationships are unimportant, your relationship with your children. Very, very important. Your relationship to your parents or your friends. Those are important. But what God is saying is this is a sacred, covenantal relationship that is consecrated and set apart from all other relationships. - Yeah, and very clearly God helps us see in his design one man, one woman. That's what he bless, blesses and distinguishes his marriage. Now within that God gives unique roles and responsibilities that are so important. And that's the next part. That God's design is that it would be complimentary. That the man and the woman would compliment each other

with their gifts and their roles. So unique roles and responsibilities. There are two words that we've been looking at throughout the course of this series. And we've talked about them in the podcast that we just launched. The words are headship and helper that the Bible gives to us. Now a lot of people get confused about what headship means and what helper means. And I wanna look very briefly at these words. In Ephesians chapter five, which we'll get into a little bit later, there's this phrase that says the husband is the head of the wife. So it can physically mean like the word that is translated can be a physical head, but there's also another way that that word is translated. It's the prowl of a ship. So it's like a ship that goes in the battle. And it means that the man takes the brunt of the storm. It's what we talked about a couple of weeks ago. The man is the protector. He's the provider. He goes first and he endures the difficulty to bless and protect the rest of his family. But the other way that the word is translated, both in the New Testament and in the Old Testament, this is beautiful, it's translated as a headwater. So the source of a river.

This is amazing. I want you to notice this. So Genesis two, 10, right in the Garden of Eden. Before the sin has ever entered in, in creation, it says a river watering the garden flowed from Eden. From there, it was separated into four headwaters. Everybody say headwaters, headwaters. So these four headwaters were sources that went out from this lush garden providing life everywhere that they went. It's a headwater that is now later translated as the head of a household. So husbands, you are given the vision from God to be the source of life to your family. That when you walk through the door at the end of the day, God says that you are a source that brings life, joy, blessing to those around you. And what if every man who is listening to this message and every man who's a part of our church family were to see the headship role as a role of blessing, what that could do in the families in our church. It's such a powerful image that God gives to us. And a lot of times, I think people get confused even, like men will misuse this word as this authoritative word. Yes, there's authority involved, but the authority is always given to serve and to bless. So the word that God gives is the word headship for men and the word helper for women. I love it when you talk about that, the headship. It's like I just fell in love with you all over again.

Thank you. That was so good. Man, who wouldn't want to be married to a man like that? It's a blessing where the river flows, it brings life. It's a lot easier to preach than it is to do. Wow, that's true, as is helper, which I'm about to preach on. Okay, so helper, sometimes like head, it can like, you feel like it's like this authority and it's misconstrued and it's been misused in the world to represent what God's teaching. Well, helper can be the same way because it feels like a diminishing word. Like the person being helped is greater than the person that's helping. And so it feels like the wife is put in this inferior role. But we talked about it last week that that's not the connotation with this word, Azer, and that it's this beautiful image of a woman who's coming to aid in battle, bringing the necessary supplies to help win the battle. And so back in Genesis when it talks about that God said, "I will make a helper suitable for Adam." That this was the word that was used, Azer. Now, a lot of times it's used for Eve two times, but then a lot of times it's talking about a military conquest and the help that comes during battle. But I want to show you this time where it references God as the Azer because many of those times where help comes,

it's referring to God himself. And so look with me in Deuteronomy chapter 33, there's this one verse that says, there is no one like the God of Jesherun who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds of his majesty. So can you just imagine the heavens army coming to your aid and like Christ riding in on this white horse? This is the picture of Azer. This is the image that God gives this woman who is a helper to her husband. It's a strong and powerful helper that comes in at just the right moment. - So beautiful. It's amazing. It's good news that God gives us this wonderful gift of marriage. And in the midst of our broken world where so many people have co-opted and robbed the word marriage, we want to bring it back to what the Bible says and lift up this beautiful gift that we might see it and receive it from God. Now the other reality for us is that there's a lot of us that when we look in the mirror, we're like, "Man, I'm not a great example of that." And maybe even personally, there's a sting when you see God's design and you think there's a part of it that maybe you're like,

"I wish I could go back and do it differently." And the good news is that there's so much grace that God gives from this day forward that if we will turn to our heavenly Father and we'll repent and we'll say, "God, I need you in this moment. God will give grace and strength to move into the future to build a different future with His help." And we're gonna have some time to respond to that invitation from God at the end. But I want you to notice this good news of God's design actually shows up sociologically. So society, now if you study, will show that it's catching up in statistics to what God has already designed and look at a couple of these with me. They're gonna come on the screen and it's gonna be through them. - So marriage and family are associated with some certain things. You can take a picture of this slide. And it is, this is not just Christian marriages, but Christian marriages would be represented in this as well. The good news about marriage. more flourishing, stronger relationships, even a longer life, better outcomes for their kids and lower poverty. This is mind blowing, that this is all documented proof or evidence of how God blesses marriage and blesses our lives through marriage.

- Yeah, if you'll put that slide back up for just another moment, you'll notice there on the bottom, sometimes people always ask like, well, where do you get these stats? There's a great book that I read called Get Married, Phenomenal Read About Marriage and really sociologically the studies show that many of the lies in culture are not true when you compare them to research. That sometimes culture and the lies will say that you should, like, if you wanna be happy, don't get married, if you wanna have a home, don't get married, if you wanna get a great job and get ahead financially, but again, all of these studies are showing us God's way works. Now, I have another statistic that I want you to see since I'm a pastor, this is significant. Studies show that families and married couples that come to church are more happy. - Amen. - Aren't you happy that you're in church today? Yeah. (audience applauds) So, you're here today and that's a good thing and your life is blessed when you're a part of the family of God, when you're connected and planted in the local church. And also, as you've probably already heard at all of our campuses, this weekend, we're doing activate, which is a great next step

to get connected at a deeper level. Some of you just kinda are coming now, but we want you to be connected into a group, into a team, to be a part of our church family, activate highlights that. You can actually take that step and you'll hear more about that. But there's another step you saw. - As you know, yeah, research shows actually statistically proven that people who attend church, married people, have more sex and have more fulfilling sex than people who don't attend church. - Yeah. - I saw this on Instagram this week and I was like, "Really?" - Yeah. - And so, I researched it and it's verified. - Yeah. I believe it. - You believe it? Has that been your experience? - Yes, it's been my experience. (audience applauds) - So, get to church, people, church attendance. Pastor Buddy was saying, "What do you think happens "if you attend more than one service?" - You have to go to multiple services. Hey, we should do studies on the dream team. If you serve on the dream team and you're in a small group, what happens?

- It increases. - Anyways, we digress. - Okay, so, the first thing that we were talking about was just the committing to God's design together. And you can do that if you're married, if you're single, coming into marriage. But the second part is something you do as you are getting ready to be married to someone or if you are already married. And that is covenanting together before God. Covenanting before God. You see, the marriage covenant is the foundation of everything that a marriage is built on. And that it is the organizing principle that God has given us that sets marriage apart from every other relationship in our life. You see, a lot of our human relationships are more contractual in nature. And so, we only will be in that relationship as long as it benefits us, as long as the benefit is better than the cost. And if you're in a contract with a phone company, that works pretty well. And that's probably how it should be, that it's based on a contract. But what happens when we base our marriages on contracts or it's like this subscription type marriage based thing, you know what happens is that you end up with a spouse that feels like they always have to perform. And they always have to win your approval.

They always have to add more benefit to your life. And so that's not safe. That feels like you could walk out on me at any time. And so, that doesn't breed vulnerability. There's no safety there, but for there to be a covenant where it's like, ah, like I'm not leaving and you're not leaving. And I wanna know the real you, that's the you that I love. You see, like there's so much safety in a covenant, like I know no matter what happens, come what may, no matter how difficult life gets, he's not walking out on me. And the other side of that coin is that I know no matter how bad it gets in our relationship, we're stuck in this and we better figure it out, we better make it better. It's both comforting because I know he won't leave me and it's inspiring because I know we're stuck in this relationship with one another till death to his part and we've got to keep working to make it better. This is the beauty of covenant. Now, I want us to look at a passage in Malachi where God talks pretty strongly about the covenant of marriage. I'm gonna be reading from a different translation than what's in your notes because I just prefer it, but it'll be correct on that. Another thing you do, you flood the Lord's altar with tears. You weep and wail because He no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands, and you ask why?

Like why doesn't God like the way I'm worshiping Him anymore? It's because the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth because you have broken faith with her. Though she's your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant, has not the Lord made them one. In flesh and spirit, they are His. And why one? Because He was seeking Godly offspring. I love this phrase, so guard yourself in your spirit. Guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. You see this covenant that God's given us, the vowels that we say to one another. They're not empty promises. It's not just saying, I'll always love you, I'll always feel this way like I do on my wedding day. And as long as I feel this way, I'm committed to you. No, this is not saying, I promise I'll always feel this way about you. I promise I will always behave this way towards you. I'm covenantally committed to you. Tim Keller has a great line in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, and it says this. Wedding vowels are not a declaration of present love, but a mutual binding promise of future love. You don't know what you're committing to on the day that you get married. You don't know what will come your way in life 10 years from now, 25 years from now.

But what you're saying is I believe that the same grace that's needed for me to make this vow to you will be available for me to draw on when that day comes. And so this is the beauty of marriage covenant. (audience applauds) - Yeah, there was a couple after the last service that I went up and talked to. And five years, about five years after they got married, his wife had gotten in a horrible accident. And for decades now, he's loved and cared for his wife. And I just thought that's such a beautiful picture of the reality of that covenant being fulfilled. And it's so different than what we see in the world around us. But we, with God's grace, can live differently. And there are some of you that maybe today, you're listening to this and you're thinking to yourself, man, I haven't covenantally committed. Like maybe you've been doing marriage, but you've not actually secured in your heart that this is a covenant between you, your spouse and God. And that's something, even right now, that this weekend, between you, God and your spouse, you can lock in again and say, I'm committed to this covenant relationship. There are some of you that maybe you're living together. And the decision is to take that relationship and before God get married. Like that's all you got to do. Come to church, let us help you.

You can write on your card today, like get married. And we'll be meeting with you this week. We'll help you out. The team would love to help you take that step to covenant together and to do it right, to do it God's way. Now in that covenant relationship, God also gives us instructions from his word for how we're to love and care for one another. And that's the third and final point that we want to focus in on, is to care for one another God's way. Now if we study the New Testament, we'll notice that there are dozens of verses that describe the love that we're to have for one another. And many of those verses in the New Testament are about how we love each other in the context of community and the church. But there are also specific instructions that God gives to married couples of how they're to love within the home. And Ephesians 5 has some of the best instructions for us. It has instructions for husbands, for fathers, for parents and for children. But I want us to notice, I'm going to focus on the husbands, Stacy is going to focus on the wives. I want us to notice how God calls the men to love their wives. Ephesians 5 verse 25 through 27 says, "Husbands, love your wives." Can we say this out loud together?

Just as Christ loved the church. Just as Jesus died on a cross for our sin, we're to love our wives. And he gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. And even I think it's good to notice that the image that God gives for Christ in the church is not a man and his girlfriend. It's a husband and a wife. It's a bride joining with Christ. So we as the church are not Jesus' girlfriend, we're his bride. And the image of his love is that sacrificial love. So many men are... And I want to just make sure you understand. Like the Bible's image of headship does not mean that a man is always right. It means that a man is always responsible. And many men are so concerned about being right that they would rather be right than married. You know what I mean like that? And the truth is you can be right or you can be married. I'd much rather be married than be right. And that headship image that Jesus models for us is this sacrificial love giving himself on a cross, laying down his life. And for us as men, as husbands over and over and over again

to serve our families, starting with our wives. Now notice in 28 and 29, there's another way that we love. And it says in the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. Now I understand that there are some men that don't do a great job taking care of their own bodies that need some manscaping lessons. That's not what that's talking about. It's talking about the concern that we have for our own physical bodies, that he who loves his wife loves himself after all no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church. So notice this. There is this sacrificial strong love that we lay down our lives, but also there's tenderness. There's compassion. There's kindness. There's this heart towards our wives that we say, I'm gonna serve you. I'm gonna take care of you the same way that I would take care of my own physical body. So this beautiful image calls for men to a higher degree of love than anything that we see in the world around us. And could you imagine men, if you live this way, the difference that it could make if we day in, day out would learn over time to love our wives as Jesus loved the church.

Now again, this is heart. And it requires a whole lot of help from the Holy Spirit. We're gonna talk about that in a moment. But I want us to see that beauty, the husband cares for his wife, but also the wife has a different way that God calls her to love her husband. - Yes, so let's look at this girls. We're gonna look at Ephesians 5 and God has some different instructions for us. If you're familiar with it, you already know it's coming and you're bracing yourself for impact. So let's look at Ephesians 5 and then we're gonna break it down together. Starting in verse 21, which is just above this section where it talks about wives and husbands. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." So in that verse, Paul is talking to the church body at large that we should all have this attitude of humility in the way that we relate to one another, that there should be a humbleness of heart, a submission toward one another. But then he goes on to specifically give this instruction to wives and he says, "Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior." Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit to their husbands and everything. And we're gonna come back to that word, submit, but I just know like in a woman that just creates like all these prickly feelings, like why did I get that word? Like I would have taken love. Like I'm good at that one, like lay down my life for my family, I do that like every day. But submit, that's harder. Okay, so go on down to verse 32. And it says, "This is a profound mystery, but I'm talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you must love your wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband." Okay, so God has given us some specific identities and he's given us some specific instructions. He gave us this identity of Azer, the helper, and then he gave us these instructions to submit to our husbands and to be respectful of our husbands. It's interesting that God gave husbands the command to love and wives the command to submit and to honor, to respect, because for us, loving comes so naturally, but this idea of respect and honor, that's harder, but what does a man most desire, but to feel loved and honored and respected by his wife. And so God knew that this is what will make the relationship work. The wife desires to feel loved by her husband. The husband desires to feel respected by his wife. So it creates this life-giving cycle of he loves first

and then she respects him and then it gets in this beautiful cycle. Now, some of us get into the reverse cycle that just like drains everything out of you. You know what I'm talking about, where it's just like there's no love and there's no respect, but somebody has to decide to go first, to reverse that cycle and to say I'll love first or I'll show honor first, even when it's hard, even when it doesn't feel like it's deserved. Because see, here's the thing. before we close out the sermon. About this is not just because this is the way marriage works best. Like if you love, if you show respect, then you're gonna have this life-giving marriage and things work out better this way. That's not the only reason why we're given these instructions. If you notice, it was talking about Christ and the church, that before creation, before time began, God already knew that he was going to use marriage to be the symbol that represents Christ and the church. So he said, okay, I'm gonna choose the most intimate human relationship to display the way that I love my people. And so I'm gonna appoint the husbands and they're gonna love their wives the way that I love my people. And they're gonna lead their wives the way that I've lead my people. And they're gonna protect and provide for their wives the way that I protect and I provide for my people. That's what husbands are gonna do.

And then wives are going to come alongside their husbands and they're gonna help them in the battle. And they're going to come alongside in the mission to accomplish the goal just the same way that I want my people to come and to fight battles with me and to join me in the mission of the kingdom of God. And I'm gonna ask women, I'm gonna ask wives to submit to their husbands, not as just unto their husbands, but as a representation of how my people submit to my leadership as their God. And I'm gonna ask wives to show honor and respect to their husbands because the name of Jesus Christ should always be honored and respected by my people. So it's this symbolism, this beautiful picture that God crafted to say, I'm gonna allow marriage to represent the way that I love my people. And so we don't have the authority to switch these roles around. These roles were not given based on capability or capacity. They were assigned to us by God. And so we don't get to exchange them. We don't get to try to manipulate them because we're representing something so much greater. So girls, when you feel yourself like pushing up against that idea that why did I get called a helper? Why did I get told to submit and to honor? Like I feel diminished by that. I feel restricted by that. You know what it points back to? Is our great-great-grandmother Eve

who when God gave her a boundary, she said, well, why am I restricted by this tree? Like I think maybe I should eat this tree. I think maybe it would be good for me. I think that God, why are you withholding something that I would want? I should have the knowledge of good and evil. I should be like God and Eve pushed against the boundary that God had given her because she thought she knew better, that she had more wisdom than God. And it created all kinds of chaos for her and for Adam and for mankind. And so what we can do as girls, what we can do as the daughters of God is that we can trust that our heavenly Father, he actually knows best. His wisdom far exceeds our own wisdom. It far exceeds any sociologist that's living in our modern culture that says that this is a diminishing way for women to live because we can say our Father loves his daughters and he is creating a pathway of life and flourishing if we will live into it. And so what I wanna challenge you as a man or as a woman today to just agree with God that you are wiser than I am and your way is always better. - Yes, amen. (audience applauds) - As you were saying that, something hit me, that's never hit me before.

And I think about like, I'm so blessed and I understand that the journey that so many married couples face, like there's pain and there's hardship. But one of the things, there's nobody's encouragement that I love more than yours. And when I've preached to sermon, everybody else could say that's the worst sermon in the world, but when I walk off a stage and you say that was amazing, that like that, the courage that that puts in me as a man is different than any other voice. And I was, as you were describing that, I was thinking about the image of Christ and the bride. And him as the bridegroom, hearing from his people when we gather together, like when we sing songs of adoration and worship the hymn, the beauty of that adoration as praise arises to the throne of God, the bride of Jesus saying, you're lovely, you're wonderful. And that beautiful picture of worship that our hearts expressing to God, how grateful we are, for the world, the image of marriage is so different in the church than what is seen all across society. And we have the unique privilege of modeling for the world around us a different way of doing it. Now, the question is, how do we go from here where we are to the reality of what God wants for us in our lives? And the beauty is there are two gifts that God gives that I wanna highlight.

One is the mercy and the grace of God. That God sees you right where you are right now in the midst of the pain, in midst of the difficulty, and today can be a new day. Today can be a starting point for you that from this point forward, you make a commitment between you and the living God, and you say, "God, I'm bringing you the pieces of my life. I'm laying them down before you, and I'm asking you to be merciful and gracious with me." He is kind, he's merciful. The Bible says he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. And there is no one that has ever seen that can fully fathom the depths of his love for us, for you. The other beautiful gift that God gives to us is the indwelling and the outpouring of his Holy Spirit that comes upon us to give us the power to live a life that we could not live without his aid and his strength, the Azer help that the Spirit of the living God gives to us. And I know today there are a lot of you that are carrying burdens that maybe in this moment you need some help from God, you need some grace from God. And what I want to invite us to do is to enter into a ministry moment at all of our campuses to respond to the work of God. The Holy Spirit is with us in this room right now, and he's wanting to move in our hearts. He's present, and he can do more in a moment in touching our hearts than thousands of years

of human effort can ever accomplish. The Bible says he's able to restore the years that the locus have eaten, and he wants to give you exactly what you need in this moment. Now, one of the ways we do this is we pray every week, those prayer cards, you can write down a prayer request, and in just a few moments there's gonna be an opportunity to turn those cards in. If there's a prayer request, we would love to pray all throughout this week, but I'm also gonna invite, right now, the prayer teams at our campuses, they're gonna come forward, and we're gonna take some time right now just to respond. And we sing that song often as we do Jesus, I speak the name of Jesus over my life, over my family, over our community, there's power in the name of Jesus being spoken over our lives, and we're gonna sing that right now, just over our lives once again, and just ask God to be gracious and merciful, but as we enter into the song, I wanna just invite you to receive prayer today, and I wanna give you a couple of really specific responses that you can today say. I wanna receive prayer for this. Some of you today are saying, I need some restoration from God in my marriage. I need him to touch in the area of my marriage and bring restoration, communication,

could be some area, some wound in the past that needs to be healed, and I wanna invite you in just a moment when I pray and say amen to come forward during this song to receive prayer for restoration. Others of you today need prayer in your heart for healing. Maybe there's something in the past. It could be even some of you who are not married today that need to touch from the Holy Spirit to heal in area of your heart. God is a healer. The Bible says that his name is Yahweh Rafi, the Lord our healer, and through the Holy Spirit's power is graced right now. He can reach into that wound to meet you there and just acknowledgement with somebody else agreeing in prayer to unburden that part of your heart today. You can walk out receiving his help. And then there's a third category. There are some of you that are just saying, "Man, I need some power. I need God's strength to do it his way. I cannot do it in and of myself." And I will speak to those of you who are men. There are probably some of you men right now that you don't wanna like raise your hand and say, "I need prayer for more power from God." But there is nothing stronger that you can do than to admit your weakness before God that you need his mercy and grace.

And as a church family, we are a grace place. We come to this place broken. We all have our issues. If I could tell you the number of times I'm driving to church with my kids, fighting in the back seat, getting to church, preaching with a smile on my face, the number of times. And sometimes we feel like we have to have it all together. But you don't have to have it all together. You can bring all of that to the throne of God and receive his grace. And in just a moment, as we pray, So what I want to invite you to do, if you will, just to stand with me at all of our campuses and just to receive from the Holy Spirit. In fact, I want to invite you, if you will, if you're comfortable, just to put your hands out like this, bow your heads with me. And I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit to come and to move in our midst, to touch our hearts, to open our eyes so we invite you, Holy Spirit, come. Come, just wait on Him for a moment. Just come, Holy Spirit. Might even just express your desire for Him to touch your heart right now. God, we're open right now and we just need you. God, we confess the critical hour that we're in. God, the weight, so many people are carrying right now, shame, wounds from the past. Oh, we thank you that you're a healer.

We thank you that you're a God of mercy and grace. Thank you for the cross, Jesus, that you bore our sin, that you nailed our sin to a cross, that we might be free. And I pray that you would come and that you would need us in our need right now, that you would touch our hearts, Lord, they're people right now, they're hanging on by a thread and they need a touch from you. And I'm asking you, Holy Spirit, renew hope right now. Some of you just need a fresh touch of God's hope into your heart, just express it to Him. Say, God, I need you to fill me with hope right now that my future can be different. Others of you just say, God, I need you to strengthen me right now. Oh, God, we thank you that you hear our prayers and Lord, we're desperate for you. We wanna speak your name over our lives, Lord. We wanna believe and declare that there is power in the mighty name of Jesus, the name that breaks off chains, the name that brings freedom, the name that brings healing, the name that brings peace, joy and restoration. We just declare the mighty name of Jesus over our lives, over our church, over our marriages, over our children today. We speak the mighty name of Jesus and we invite you Holy Spirit to come right now to fill us with your power, to fill us with your joy, more of your presence, Lord. In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray, amen.

Amen, amen. I wanna invite you to be bold right now. I know some of you don't wanna step out 'cause you're like, I don't wanna acknowledge that I've got brokenness. Hey, we all got some areas of our life that need to be fixed. If you've got something you need, God's help, well, just raise your hand up. Just say, I'm not perfect, I need his help. So as we sing right now, I wanna invite you. Come on, receive prayer tonight, over your marriage, over a wound, over an area of your life. Come receive this prayer, prayer as we enter in and declare the name of Jesus together. Let's worship, let's declare his name as the band leads us. ♪ Your name is here ♪ ♪ Your name is mine ♪ ♪ Break every strong home ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ ♪ Burn like a fire ♪ ♪ Your name is ♪ ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is healing ♪ ♪ Your name is light as it is ♪ ♪ Break every strong home ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ ♪ Burn like a fire ♪ Come on, let's sing it again, your name is power. ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is healing ♪

♪ Your name is light ♪ ♪ Break every strong home ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ ♪ Burn like a fire ♪ ♪ Shall Jesus from the mountains ♪ ♪ Jesus in the streets ♪ ♪ Jesus in the darkness over every enemy ♪ ♪ Jesus for me ♪ ♪ Jesus ♪ ♪ Shout Jesus ♪ ♪ Shout Jesus from the mountains ♪ ♪ Jesus in the streets ♪ ♪ Jesus in the darkness over every enemy ♪ ♪ Jesus for my family ♪ ♪ I speak the holy name ♪ ♪ Jesus ♪ ♪ Shout Jesus from the mountains ♪ ♪ Jesus in the streets ♪ ♪ Jesus in the darkness over every enemy ♪ ♪ Jesus for my family ♪ ♪ I speak the holy name ♪ ♪ Jesus, yes ♪ ♪ Shout Jesus from the mountains ♪ ♪ Jesus in the streets ♪ ♪ Jesus in the darkness over every enemy ♪ ♪ Jesus for my family ♪ ♪ I speak the holy name ♪ ♪ Jesus, oh yes ♪ ♪ Shout Jesus, Shout Jesus from the mountains ♪ ♪ Jesus in the streets ♪

♪ Jesus in the darkness over every enemy ♪ ♪ Jesus for my family ♪ ♪ I speak the holy name ♪ ♪ Jesus so your name has come ♪ ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is healing ♪ ♪ Your name is life ♪ ♪ Oh, in every state today ♪ ♪ Break every struggle ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ ♪ Your life of our life ♪ ♪ Your name is power ♪ ♪ Your name is healing ♪ ♪ Your name is life ♪ ♪ Break every struggle ♪ ♪ Shine through the shadows ♪ ♪ You're like a fire ♪ - What a special weekend it was today as we got to hear from both Pastor Andy and from Pastor Stacey as they shared about stronger marriages together. God's way is the best way. And when we live our lives in according to His design and when we live out our marriages in according to His design, it leads to a life of flourishing. And we are so glad that they're reminded of us of that today. And we want to invite you to, if there is something that you need prayer for, whether it's something that you're walking through individually or maybe it's something in your marriage

that you need prayer for, we as a church family want to come alongside you and be praying for you, to ask God to intercede on your behalf and to move and to bring breakthrough. So you can let us know by clicking the link in the description if you're on YouTube or open the Saddleback app and submit a prayer request that way. And if there's another next step that you might want to take, whether it's getting plugged into community through a small group or attending activate with us this week, you can sign up through the Saddleback app as well. Church family, we love you so much and we hope to see you again next week as we continue our stronger series. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)