Staying in Your Comfort Zone | 1 Samuel 20

where he's from, and that was tough, 'cause that was like, you know, that was my guy, you know? And so it was like a really weird place of like, man, I want him to do what he feels like God's calling him to, but also, that's, what am I? You know what I mean? Like, when someone tells you God told me what he's supposed to be like, no, he didn't rest, right? Well, like that's a, it was a tough place to be, but there is still like that deficit, there is still that like, what am I supposed to do? Get a girlfriend. (laughing) - Don't wanna do that, don't wanna do that. - Try that too. - Right, right, right. - This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people, just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. (upbeat music) - Hi, I'm Chuck. - I'm Jamie. - I'm Vivian. - And I'm Zach. - This through line and first Samuel continues to be about friendship for these last couple chapters we've been looking at. If you ran new to this or catching up, we've been looking at first Samuel, which is in the Old Testament,

older portion of the Bible, lots of story, but lots of story of like, King's succeeding or failing and death and battle, there's lots of that. But kind of over these last couple chapters, there's this through line of friendship between the future King David and the son of the current King, Saul, who is Saul is actually very jealous of David and secure, wants to kill David. And his biggest advocate, David's biggest protector and champion is Jonathan. And yet, this is the chapter when Jonathan realizes, like his dad really does wanna kill David. This is not gonna work. And David is gonna have to leave. And this is gonna be a long period of time of David kind of fleeing and not being in certainly Jerusalem area, but also just not being around Jonathan, his closest friend. So they say goodbye. And it's a really heartfelt goodbye. It's very touching. I just wonder, we've all had friendships. Have you had to say goodbye to a friendship or to a season? And what was that like to have to say goodbye? - Just like last year, my best friend moved back to Zimbabwe, where he's from. And that was tough, 'cause that was like, that was my guy, you know? And so it was like a really weird place of like,

man, I want him to do what he feels like God's calling him to, but also, it's one of my, you know what I mean? Like when someone tells you God told me, what are you supposed to be like? - No he didn't. - Well like that's a, it was a tough place to be, but I think, you know, I think it was right for him at the time, but there is still like that deficit. There is still that like place, what are I, I don't know. - Yeah. - You're supposed to do get a girlfriend. (laughing) - Don't wanna do that, don't wanna do that. - I'm trying that too, right, right, right. - You know, I think about one of my mentors says, whenever things happen in life, he always challenged me to say like, give me three emotions, 'cause there are always at least three emotions. So as you think about the moment when David said, hey, I feel called to do this, like, what are three emotions you think you walked through? Or are walking through? - Yeah, oh man, that's good. - Yeah, definitely just like, you know, grief, like that, you know, losing your friend. And also like, you know, like we did a lot of like, work and art stuff together. So like doing, like trying to figure out like some anxiety

around like, how do I do this differently? And, you know, maybe like, I don't know, a little bit of like, there's a little bit of happiness. I got more time now. (laughing) - What am I gonna do at that time, I don't know. But yeah, so trying to walk through that is fascinating. - Yeah, it's a mixed bag. It's for sure. It's a mixed bag. Anybody who's ever moved or had to move away from family or friends knows that feeling of like, man, there's gonna be a difference in the way that I've related. Sometimes the people that I've related to my whole life, how about you guys? What comes to mind if you've ever had to say goodbye to or in a friendship or a different season of friendship? - Well, I've formed friendships with people in the prison that I go and serve at. It's date and correctional, DCI. And it's a hard thing because when you're friends in that situation, you don't have the same access to one another in part because you can't see them on a daily basis, you can't text them or call them. But then also when their time comes to an end, which is a good thing, they go back to someplace and it may not be where I'm living. And because we've had a relationship on the inside,

we're actually not allowed to pursue that relationship So they have to initiate, you're saying. They have to initiate and they don't have our personal contact information. Yeah. And so because the prison ministry is connected to the crossroads, we oftentimes will say, hey, if you go show up at crossroads and you tell the four seven, the prison ministry that you're going, they'll try to have people come and meet you so that you're welcomed into the same church that you were part of on the inside. And sometimes through that, we actually get the connection made, but more often than not, that's the end to when we see them, which is really sad because sometimes it could have been years that we spent weekly getting to see one another and you want the best for them, but it's just part of what happens. And so it's a price you pay when you get close to people knowing that you're gonna feel that pain later, but it's worth doing because if you care about them and they care about you, the encouragement that you can provide them during their time serving on the inside and the encouragement to us is invaluable, wouldn't trade it. Thanks for just, yeah, that's a very unique way to make friendships and it does come with some unique challenges. By will tell you, sometimes there's a positive story in it.

Okay, okay. That one time at Woman Camp, two women came up to me at Woman Camp who were like, do you remember us? We were from DCI and because they had become part of Crossroads where they were living, they came to Woman Camp and then they saw me and we were able to then make the connection. So sometimes you get this nice surprise. That's an incredible story for you, yeah. Yeah, wow. Yeah, I just like what I hear and what you guys shared of, there comes a point where like Jonathan, you put down your own desire of like, you lost your co-creator and you lost your like, your boy as your dude, as you said, of like, reading the scripture, just Jonathan wanted so badly for it to not be true. That his dad was going to try to kill David. Like, no, you're misinterpreting, like, ah, an errant spear. Like, you happen. You've been around with those. Yeah, but that's the best of us. And then when he sees it, when he comes face-to-face with our heart's reality, he doesn't stick his head in the ground and he goes like, no, now I go from like wanting to preserve what I love and what I'm familiar with to the best thing for you is to go, right? And so like you build those relationships and you're like,

man, this person has become a significant part of my week. And obviously the better thing for them is to go. And so like, I think, but I think it is, that's a choice we have to make. I think sometimes I can personally selfishly try to be like, the how might we, finagle thing? We could like have carrier pigeons, communicate between us and not just like clean break when the situation is needed. So like there's, I mean, I think that's the faith part, right? Like trusting that God is going to do better in that situation for the person than staying in our cocoon of comfort or whatever. Ooh, that's good. I love where you're going with that around trust. You know, I mean, it makes me think like you two, the stories, there are times when the friendship ends, right? There are times for lots of reasons, often tragic reasons or other reasons where there's not a friendship anymore. Yours is a different, very different friendship, different in frequency, different in proximity. There's lots of differences. What does it take to be a good friend in that different? Yeah. What are you learning? And how's God, what's God teaching you in that space? And you can weigh in on this too, 'cause I'm sure you have friends that you've had a season with and maybe in a different season now, I certainly have that in my life as well.

I think for me, part of it is trying to set them up well to, because it's not about them developing a dependence on me or our relationship, but it's about them seeing who God sees them to be and encouraging them on being able to form healthy relationships with other people in the places that they'll go to, because it might be that it's Friends of the Road versus Friends for the Longer Hall. And so I think you can do that, investing in them, so for their benefit. For me, what comes in mind is intentionality. It's what a cheesy Christian word, but it's true. I mean, you have to-- you have to decide that it's gonna happen and make things to make that happen. So, you know, Zimbabwe is six hours ahead of us. So I have to keep that in mind when I call. It's like, you know, a normal time for me might be, you know, six or seven PM, but that is bedtime. So, you know, yeah, just trying to be intentional about like, hey, I got some time I'm on the road here. Maybe I could give my boy a call and, you know, it's grown through memes, he would love this meme. (laughs) - That's right, important part of friendship as well. - That's right, memes always work. - And they travel well. - They travel well, they travel well. - Yeah, I am, I'm thinking about these last words that Jonathan says to David and their goodbye

and what it makes me realize is you also need hope. - Mm hmm, yeah. - You also need hope. Jonathan says to David, as they're partying, he says, "The Lord shall be between me and you "and between my offspring and your offspring forever." - There's a commitment there. There's a commitment, right? And there's a view that like, yeah, this chapter is over, there's gonna be a different next chapter, but this is a light, he would even say, this is even beyond us. - Yes, generation. - It's a generational commitment. And so I think it's encouraging to think about like, what does it look like to have a multi-generational commitment to a friendship and believe that in that, God can continue to knit your lives together in some powerful ways. And so, I don't know, I think about your story. Like, there's some people who are viewing right now that are incarcerated and maybe you need that hope. Maybe you need the hope that like, even though in the present, there's limits to the way that I can engage with the people that I care for and our friends too, that God can transcend that. - Mm hmm. - And then your story isn't over yet. And there's more chapters that God can write in terms of how he brings friendship into your life.

So, I'm taking that away as an insight and thank you guys for sharing today. - Yeah. - Maybe I'll move to Zimbabwe, who knows? - Maybe you'll move to Zimbabwe, there you go. (laughing) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)