Seated Together | Thayers & Sharps | Oakley & Kandy Ray | Seat At The Table

Well, good morning, good morning. If you're able, why don't you guys go ahead and stand on your feet as we prepare for worship. My name is Karina, and I just wanna say on behalf of the team, we are so glad that you've chosen to join us here for this Sunday morning. If you're here for the very first time, we would love to get to know you and your family. We've got people waiting at the connect table to literally connect with you and get to know you guys. So if you're in the building, stop by that connect table, fill out a connect card and see all the ways that you can get plugged in here at CTC. And if you're watching online, you can tap that digital connect card. I wanna share a scripture that's been on my heart just all week. It's out of Psalm 23, six, and it says, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me. Not maybe, not sometimes, but it says, surely all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen. Aren't we glad that his mercy just isn't reserved for our good days, that his goodness isn't contingent, whether we're living our best life or in our lows, his goodness and mercy follows us. Surely we can rest in that and you can trust, not in my words, but in his word, amen.

All right, let's pray together. Lord, today we wanna experience you. We wanna encounter you. Father, I ask that you meet us here and I declare that we are going to claim that goodness, that we are gonna claim that mercy. And I ask that you just allow everyone here to worship in freedom and to remember that you can bring peace, that you can give us goodness, that our mercy, that the grace all comes from you. God, we're here to worship you and encounter you. And in your son's mighty name, I pray, amen. ♪ There is no way till you make one ♪ ♪ Grace upon grace, hallelujah ♪ ♪ Even though I don't deserve it, you did it ♪ ♪ Even though I couldn't earn it, you gave it ♪ ♪ Even though I couldn't earn it, give it ♪ ♪ Who am I that you keep me on your mind ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ All my life you've been right here by my side ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ Hold it, hold it, there's only one ♪ ♪ I'll keep you blowing for all that you've done ♪ ♪ Even though I don't deserve it, you did it ♪ ♪ Even though I couldn't earn it, you gave it ♪ ♪ Who am I that you keep me on your mind ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪

♪ All my life you've been right here by my side ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ Who am I, who am I that you keep me on your mind ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ All my life you've been right here by my side ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ I, I'm lifting both of my hands To give me chance after chance, after chance And I, I'm giving all that I am To give me chance after chance, after chance And I, I'm lifting both of my hands To give me chance after chance, after chance And I, I'm giving all that I am To give me chance after chance, after chance Who am I that you keep me on your mind God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you All my life you've been right here by my side God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you Who am I Who am I that you keep me on your mind God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you All my life you've been right here by my side God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you

I survived, I survived And I'm here to testify God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you I'm alright if they say I'm out of my mind God I'm just grateful for you God I'm just grateful for you Oh we thank you, we thank you Oh we thank you Let us rest in your presence It's Jesus I could sing your name for all my life And still find more to love each time Oh Jesus be the name ever on my lips It's sweeter every time that I call on it Oh there's just something about your name Come on begin to sing it There's just something All the voices Oh there's just something about your name That makes me cry holy There is no other name There is no other name There is no other name Oh Jesus you're worthy And you have been the friend who never left I won't forget your faithfulness Oh Jesus be the name ever on my lips It's sweeter every time that I call on it Oh there's just something about your name

Oh there's just something about your name Oh there's just something about your name That makes me cry holy There is no other name There is no other name There is no other name Oh Jesus you're worthy There's just something about your name There's just something about your name There's just something about your name That makes me cry holy There is no other name There is no other name There is no other name ♪ Oh Jesus, you're worthy, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh Jesus, you alone are worthy ♪ ♪ So you get all the glory ♪ ♪ We give you all the glory ♪ ♪ You're holy, you're holy ♪ ♪ Jesus, your name is like the morning light ♪ ♪ In the dark, come on church ♪ ♪ Jesus, your name can save, your name can heal ♪ ♪ Your name can make a stone disappear ♪ ♪ Hope he never fails, oh Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, the bread of life broken for us ♪ ♪ The wounded and the worthy one ♪ ♪ The first and last and still to come, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, the king who overwhelmed the grave ♪ ♪ The Lord who will forever reign ♪ ♪ The name above all other names, Jesus ♪

♪ Oh, Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus be the name that gets all the glory, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Oh, you get the glory, Jesus ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name that gets all the glory, yeah ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Oh, Jesus be the name that gets all the glory, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ You just got the glory, oh, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Jesus, oh, Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name, oh, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Begins on the glory, Jesus, oh Jesus be the name, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name, oh, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Begins on the glory, oh, Jesus, oh, Jesus be the name ♪ ♪ Oh, He deserves the glory, come on, lift up His name, come on, Jesus ♪ ♪ We thank you, Jesus, we thank you, Jesus ♪ ♪ We'll never forget your presence ♪ ♪♪ ♪ The Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you ♪ ♪ The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace, come on, receive it this morning ♪ ♪♪ ♪ The Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you ♪ ♪ The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace ♪ Amen, Amen Amen Amen Amen

Amen Amen Amen The Lord bless you And keep you May His face shine upon you And be gracious to you The Lord turn His Face toward you And give you peace Amen, Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Amen Come one church, let's turn our attention to the screen as someone goes public with their faith. My name is Nick. When I was 13 years old, my mother made a series of selfish decisions that ultimately tore our family apart. I felt abandoned, betrayed and confused. But most of all I felt weak and powerless. The hole my mother left me with manifested into anger issues and I attempted to fill it up with relationships. Over a time period of about 10 years, I've tried to forgive my mother and rebuild a foundation. But that's how God refilled himself to me.

Fast forwarding to this year, after seeing the changes in my wife's life by the power of her faith in Jesus, my interest grew strong enough to start reading the Bible. What started out as reading a few pages with lack of understanding, turned into hours of taking notes, reading my Bible and listening to worship. 12 years of build up anger and hatred has gone. Vanished overnight after spending less than 12 hours with God. At that moment I surrendered my life to Jesus. Conviction now steers me away from anger and the love of my father who is in heaven now comforts me. I've gained more patience, more understanding towards others and most of all I feel at peace. I hunger to grow in my faith and walk with Jesus. As every knee shall bow and every tongue confess, let it be known that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior. That no one comes to the Father but through him. Today I'm going public with my faith. Nick, Jesus said that every disciple should be baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Today because of your confession of faith, I now baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and according to scripture you shall be filled with the Holy Spirit. Let His favor be upon you, and thousand generations, and your family, and your children and their children, and their children. Let His favor be upon you, and a thousand generations, and your family, and your children, and their children, and their children. Let His favor be upon you, and a thousand generations, and your family, and your children, and their children, and their children. Let His favor be upon you, and a thousand generations, and your family, and your children, and their children, and their children, May His presence go before you evermore. He is beside you and beside you All throughout you, within you He is with you, He is with you In the morning, evening, and you're coming And you're going, and you're weeping And rejoicing He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen There is favor before you and thousands of generations In your family, in your children, in your children, in your children

And more just go before you, and behind you, and beside you, and around you, and within you He is within you, He is within you In the morning, in the evening, in your coming, in your going In your weeping, in rejoicing He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen I want to shout a phrase this morning Amen, Amen Well hey, we're going to go into what we call a minute to mingle Go ahead and greet your neighbor, tell them that you're happy they're in the house today Well you guys are not minglers this morning We were really counting on you talkers But thank you for already being seated So before we get, I explain what's going on behind me I just want to remind you guys of some things that we have coming up here at CTC The first one is our Crossroads Missions Project Yeah, thank you Josie That is something that we are doing for Father's Day You guys did such an incredible job at helping the mothers that are staying at Crossroads Mission And blessing them with all the purses that you donated That we want to make the dads staying at Crossroads feel the exact same way So we're collecting gently used wallets And also new, emphasis on the new, don't bring any gently used socks We need black and white socks And then we'll also be gifting them a toiletry kit Just so that they know that they're cared for, that they're loved for And they too can have a special Father's Day You can turn in your stuff at the connect table on your way out of service if you brought it today Or you can bring it at any time in the office Just as long as you bring it by Thursday

So that we can make sure that we get it over to them And next up we have Summer Jam You've heard this announced, you've seen the poster in the lobby This is a super, yes, this is a super exciting time This is our summer program for kids entering kindergarten All the way up to sixth grade Let me tell you, this takes a village of volunteers to put on But it also takes a generous church to put on So thank you guys for your giving That we're able to put on things like Summer Jam That we're able to have men's retreat Over 200 kids came back from city youth camp yesterday So thank you guys You're giving means so much there should be a screen behind me You can give using the top disc you can give online or of course at any offering boxes in the screen So before we get into the next part, let's go ahead and pray together Father I thank you for everything that you're doing in CTC and through our church Lord I thank you that we are part of a generous church that we have people who love to give and who give gladly and Joyfully Lord, I thank you for the impact that CTC is making in this city God I ask that during this service you continue to meet with us Lord that through every story and every testimony That is shared that we feel you and that the glory goes to you and that we remember that Restoration and that peace is available to us all in Jesus name. Amen All right, so you guys magically appeared We are in a series called a seat at the table pastor Tyrone kicked that off Last Sunday and we're continuing Continuing it this Sunday with a conversation about marriage and a conversation about family I know that if you're in here and if you're single you're thinking like oh this doesn't apply to me It does so don't check out just because you may not be in a relationship yet I see a lot of young people here. God still can speak to you and God has something for you as well So let's not check out during this service

This conversation is going to be led by candy and elder Oakley. Yeah They lead our care and discipleship ministry and there'll be a slide on the screen If you want to know anything more about that ministry You can take a picture of that QR code or you can tap the disc They do such an incredible job at not just leading people but also their team of Counseling various people through various stages of life and season. So thank you guys Um, we honor you today, and I know that I'm looking forward to hearing all of the stories and you guys are gonna be blessed So the canyon Oakley, I'll pass it to you. Well, good morning everyone Good morning Thank You Karina for the warm welcome and first we want to say thank you to pastor Tyrone and Virginia for trusting in us to Give us the stage today to talk about something that is very near and dear to our heart and that's marriage Kenny and I have been married for over 38 years We have thank you We have five grant our five children And we have four grandchildren and We have just been blessed Candy is on staff. Like Karina said she is the care ministry director here. I am the care pastor also and again, just reemphasizing what Karina said whether you're 39 days into your marriage or 30 years strong and we pray or you're still looking for the one We pray that the Holy Spirit and God will meet you where you're at today At this time I'm going to turn it over to Mike and Connie to introduce themselves and how long they've been here and How long they've been married? Thank you, sir Mike and Connie sharp. We've been married 30 years. We've been at CTC for 25 ish. Yes We have three awesome kids. We have two awesome daughter-in-laws and one awesome son-in-law and Two grandkids so that are both under the age of eight months. So pretty awesome

Brandon and Jessica there we have been married going on nine years now and We've got a six-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son Laila and Carson We've been coming to CTC for just about two and a half years now I Just want to say again, thank you for being so willing to come today and share your stories I know this is a moment of vulnerability, but God will be glorified in it. And so we're just thankful One of the things I want to wanted to share In having this conversation is that marriage can often feel very isolating There are seasons that just make you feel like you're alone and you're the only one going through it and it's easy to look around and assume that everyone else has it together and While you're the one out there struggling and and going through things and having all these questions and not sure why not sure why Your life is the way it is but the reality is is that every marriage has a story and We're gonna hear your story today and we're gonna see how God uses other people in our stories how he uses biblical community and Intentional relationships to help us grow in ways we never could do on our own. And so, as you guys will hear today, these couples have very different stories, yet in both stories, God used people, community, and biblical guidance to bring them to healing, some growth, and restoration. So, I want to kick this off and start with Mike and Connie. I just love Mike and Connie's story. As they said, they've been married for more than 30 and are the parents of three adult children who are married and serving the Lord in their own families. And so, that's beautiful. You guys have been a part of Church for the City for many years, which is wonderful, but your story is not one marked by a dramatic crisis. Most people think that, you know, you got to go seek help, things like that, because your marriage is in some kind of crisis. But some things that many couples struggle with and can relate to is kind of that slow drift in your routine, right? You don't even really know that it's happening, but it's happening. And so, although you guys loved each other, you raised your family, you attended church, you built successful careers, over time you found yourselves kind of disconnected and struggling to prioritize your relationship with God and one another.

And so, you guys hit that empty nester stage. You hit that empty nester stage, and God began to kind of reveal what you guys needed most was not better schedules, more activities in your life, all the camping, all the things, right? Mike's like, yes, we need more camping. But really, just a deeper relationship with God himself. And so, I want to go back to the beginning for you guys. And when you first got married, what did you think marriage was going to look like? Man, I thought marriage would be the white picket fence, you know, the all-American family dream kind of thing, where you have the white picket fence, the house, the cars, the two kids, the dog, probably not a cat, but dogs. Master's not mad at that. Right. And, you know, it was my job to provide. It was my job to go to work, and to come home, and to be a good dude, you know, in and outside of the home, to keep the yard nice and tidy, to keep the cars nice and tidy. You know, that was my role, and that's what I did. How about you, Connie? I don't know that I came into it with an expectation of anything. However, I knew what I didn't want. When we got married, I was not a believer. I knew I was marrying a pastor's son. Never really seeked out for that. But I knew that because of coming up in a single-parent household, and a father that was gone at the age of 12 because of death on the job, and seeing a mom struggle by herself, there was some dysfunction there, and I just knew what I didn't want. So, I thought, well, if I marry an awesome man who I could see was an incredible father already, because he had a young son at the time, I thought, this is the man for me, because I didn't have what I already saw in him. But none of it was built on God, or faith, or the Lord. But I think deep down inside, I knew maybe at some point we could get there, because I knew of Mike's upbringing and his background. But otherwise, I really didn't know what I was doing. But otherwise, I really didn't have a huge expectation of anything that I wanted. So, Mike and Connie, I got a question for you. Were there any warning signs early on that you missed? How much time we got? Take the time you need. Looking back, I mean, there were warning signs all along, all along. But until you're, until you sit down and actually realize what's going on, until you can really understand the impact, you're really not aware, you know. And I would turn, you know, she would, she'd be upset, and she would store it down for a little while, and then all of a sudden we'd have this big old

blow up, and I'm like, okay, here we go again. Yep, full moon, there we go. But I voiced that one time, so don't do that. But yeah, just once. Yeah. But, you know, and I thought, you know, after she'd have, after we'd have this discussion, then everything would be good. And we were fine, and we were moving on. We just kept chugging. I did not take the time to realize. I didn't realize where all that was coming from. And I didn't, I wasn't walking with the Lord close enough to be able to listen and to hear what was going on either. That's good, that's good. How about you, Connie? There comes a point where you stay so busy, busy raising kids, busy in your career and in your jobs. God definitely isn't first. My husband definitely wasn't second. My kids were first, our kids. And it took the last one to leave home and go away to school before I realized that was my identity, was being Cameron and Kylie's mom. And I spent so much energy and time making sure they were okay, but not their dad, not their mama's marriage, that there were definitely signs along the way of that numbness and that emptiness. But then when things slow down and you are an empty nester, I was lost. My identity was gone. And that's when I knew I didn't just wanna medicate. That's all the doctors wanted to do.

I thought I was going through depression. Thought I was going through stages of life. Oh no, there was a healer that wanted to heal me. Come on, come on, yes. I love that, I love that. So you can see for many couples, right? The busiest seasons of life sometimes can hide what the big issues are. And they start to kind of grow in that silent place, right? Beneath the surface where they don't even know it's happening. You don't even know it's happening until it just rears its head. And so I still have another follow-up question for you guys. At what point did you realize something was missing? I wanna hear how you guys came to that realization. Okay. There was a time having my alone time at the kitchen counter by myself. And I cried out to God, and I said, you say life abundantly. This is what this is about. I know you have so much more for me. I'm not living an abundant life, Lord. Jane Bell in our church came to mind right away. And I called her and I said, Jane, I need help. And she said, there's a wonderful lady in our church named Mindy that is a Christian counselor. I think you need to call her. And I called Mindy, introduced myself.

I didn't know who Mindy was, didn't know her background, but I trusted Jane's wisdom and courage. Wisdom and godly, just a godly woman. So ladies, surround yourself with godly women. Don't call your best friend that might not be godly. Her first question that Mindy asked me, when I told her how I was feeling, she said, Connie, let me stop you. She said, do you and your husband want this marriage? And I said, oh, absolutely. She said, okay. And they were doing a study at the time. It was an enrichment, it was a marriage enrichment study. And because it's so personal, you can't just enter those at any time. And they keep them in very small, intimate groups. She said, I can't allow you to come in now. There's no room. But I can tell you the study we're in the middle of. And that's when I mentioned to Mike, I think we need to order these books. Yeah, how about you, Mike? Like I mentioned earlier, there was a point where ever so often we'd have these discussions and everything would get better. But this, this time it was different because it was deep. I could feel their pain. And I was better in my walk at the time, so I was better to understand and to hear.

But man, yeah, it was different. And it was like, gosh, you're supposed to be the spiritual leader. You're supposed to be strong. You're supposed to be helping her out. How do you do that? So then she comes with this. and I'm like, cool, thank you, Lord, this is good. And so then we ended up buying an RV, thank you, Lord. And then we go camping, right? So during these camping trips that we'd go to, we'd break these books open. We've been married for 20, 30 years, like we said. We had never talked like we talked on those camping trips, ever. Based on the curriculum, the questions that was coming up. And we knew, I knew then that there was just, there's just so much more for us. And that eventual slide that we took, Satan works, man, he's not gonna punch him to throw it all the time. Sometimes he will, but he's not gonna punch him to throw it all the time. Sometimes he's just like, you don't need to do that. You don't need to do that. But goodness gracious, let me tell you, that those camping trips and those conversations really saved our marriage. Yeah, so what surprised you? I mean, you both had been, at this point,

walking in your Christian walk for a while. What surprised you about this revelation? How lost I was. I thought, being a preacher's kid, a lot of that stuff's true about preacher's kids, but being a preacher's kid, Rose was raised in a church, we went to church, we prayed, we did these things, and I knew it was the right thing to do. But it was just dad's job. It wasn't an intimate relationship with Jesus, and it really didn't get super deep until just a few years ago, where now I know I need to work on me before I can work on anything else. And here I am thinking, I gotta work on her, and I gotta do this. No, no, no, you gotta work on yourself, get yourself right. And then once you're right, everything starts to become clear, and man, it doesn't happen overnight, and there's patience and perseverance that takes place, but goodness, I tell you, the struggle along the way is worth it. The time on your knees, the time at the kitchen table for me and the walks with the Lord and the talks with Connie, oh my gosh, yeah, yeah, just working on yourself first, making sure you're right in your heart, making sure you're right in your mind will definitely open up doors for the conversation. Amen.

Well, that's so good. Before we transition over to Brennan and Jessica, I just wanna reemphasize something that Mike and Connie talked about. Life was going good as long as they had their kids at home. Then they hit the empty nesting stage. And this is just a saying that Candy and I, we tell parents that are going through things like this, and they're focusing on their children. You have 18 summers with those, and then they're gone. They moved out, and then you're left with a stranger if you don't put your spouse first. That's something that everyone needs to remember. So Mike and Connie's story reminds us that not every couple seeks help because of a crisis. Sometimes they simply recognize there's more that God wants for their marriage. Brennan and Jessica, your story comes from a very different place. Brennan and Jessica began attending Church for the City during one of the most difficult seasons of their lives. From the outside, it looked like you had built a successful life together. Both had careers, a nice home, a growing family. But beneath the surface, their marriage was unraveling. Brennan, you drifted away from the Lord for a time, and your relationship became strained. And eventually, your marriage reached the brink of divorce. In fact, when you first came to Church for the City, divorce was already on the table.

So when you first got married and started building a life together, what did that season look like? Let's see, when we first got married, life was good, life was pretty simple. We had experienced a lot of trials and tribulations, and we had come through them, and we were in a good spot. We wouldn't have gotten married otherwise. We wouldn't have gotten married otherwise. When we got married, my walk with God was in a good spot, and Jessica's was in a good spot. But we were doing it independently, and we had never brought that together. Jessica? When we first got married, it was kind of easy, like, we were dinking, we were dual-income, no kids, it was great, but, you know, as life just got more and more challenging and more and more interesting and just the everyday pressure of life kind of set in, we didn't turn to God to be the center or the focus in our marriage, so these things that start out by just small conflict have a way of just multiplying over time. Now, I know when you two got married, you were in school, is that right? So tell us a little bit about what that was like, because here you guys are, I think, Brandi, you were already in your profession, Jessica was in school, and so, yeah, you're married with no kids, but tell us about that pressure of being newlyweds in this situation, this season. I mean, we had, like, everyday pressures that were there, and school was, like, really rough, don't get me wrong, that was challenging, but for, I can just speak for myself, I've always functioned from a place of kind of, like, hyper-independence, and when you're married, you are really taking on the challenges of life with somebody.

Right, that's good. And that just brought about its own challenges, especially when you have kids and you're on this, like, crazy journey of parenting together and getting a mortgage together, and just as life got more and more and more serious, the demands get more and more serious, and for us, because we weren't putting Christ, like, in the center of all of that, we didn't have great answers for conflict, like, resolution when it came about. Oh, that's good, good, okay. So sometimes the most difficult seasons don't happen overnight. When did you realize you couldn't keep doing things the way you had been doing them? I don't know that there was a single point in time when it was like, wow, we can't continue to do this. It was, I had known that for a while, but I just tried to hide from it, you know? We, I heard something earlier, like, things would come to a head, and we would be having conflict, and it didn't matter what it was, it could have been small, it could have been large, and we would sit down and we would talk about it, but we would talk about it logically, right? And we would try to talk about it from, like, oh, well, this is how it made me feel, this is, I mean, I would talk about it that way. Like, I would talk about it, about how I'm not being understood, and I'm not getting what I want, and this, that, and the other thing, and the problem is, like, for me, I was rooted in self, you know? And that was a progression, you know? Like I said, when we got married, I was healthy in my walk with God, and I wasn't rooted in self, and that just changed. You know, Mike mentioned something that really I could relate to, like, Satan doesn't always punch you in the throat, you know? I had never heard that before, but it's, I can, it resonates with me because it's subtle, you know? It's thoughts. It's, yeah, you don't need to do this.

It's all the little things that, well, you're not getting what you deserve, kind of thing, you know? And it's just delusion. Yeah, yeah. Anything you want to add, Jessica? I very, very specifically remember, like, June of 2023, I was like, I cannot, like, this is not it. This is not what life is supposed to be like. This is not what marriage is supposed to be like. And everything specifically came to, like, a, to a head specifically in December of 23, when I actually did file for divorce, and I was just like, this is... definitively where I'm at. Yeah, yeah. Well, did either of you think, you know, when you, here it was December, the divorce papers are final, are filed, did either of you see reconciliation even possible? In terms of the marriage, no. I otherwise wouldn't have filed for divorce. Mm-hmm, that's good. But I knew that Brandon and I had to be great friends. Like, even though our marriage was literally falling apart, we have these two beautiful children that God has entrusted us to raise, and I knew that we just had to be really great, great co-parents at the end of the day. That's kind of, honestly, that's just where I thought that that was headed. And when you're in something that's just so terrible, like filing for divorce, especially as a parent, you're just like, oh gosh, how can I get through this and do the least damage to these kids? And at the time that I had filed, I did not think that reconciliation was possible, but I knew that we still had to be, like, this united front as co-parents. So, so then what, what finally convinced you guys to let other people into your marriage, into your journey, and what did that process look like? Because you wouldn't be here today had something didn't, if something didn't happen. So, share that. So, I know this sounds ridiculous to say it out loud, but we came, we came to CTC in December, so I had already filed for divorce, and Brandon was just like, just, just come to church with, like, we're gonna go to church

together as a family. And for me, it was, again, it was, like, very important that my kids could see, like, hey, mom and dad can go to church together, we're getting along together, you know, everything's, everything's good. We came here and there was a small life group that you could sign up for, and again, I know this sounds odd, but I was just like, okay, I'm gonna sign us up for marriage enrichment courses. Come on, come on. Not because I was trying to save my marriage, it really wasn't my focus. I was actually thinking that I was gonna gain some life skills that could help me co-parent as best as I possibly could. Yeah, that was, that was kind of God's honest truth. Yeah. We didn't tell you guys that we filed for divorce, I'm sorry. And what's interesting, Mike and Connie were their marriage enrichment leaders. Yeah, they were. God was doing a lot of things at one time as he was working on them, he was working on them, they made a decision, they made a decision, it was all beautiful. But we're gonna get to more of that here in just a minute. And so, Brandon, what did, what did that process look like for you? So, she's signed up for marriage enrichment. What, what were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? It was very different than what she was thinking. So, when, so she actually took the initiative and went and signed us up for, for the marriage enrichment. So, you know, back up a little bit, I had already turned towards God again and, and I was starting to, he was starting to soften my heart again, because my heart had become callous. And when, when I, I was invited to CTC by a friend, and the first time that I came to CTC, I came alone. And for obvious reasons. And then so when I invited Jessica to come to church, and we, you know, I presented it as a, let's go to church as a family. I knew that, you know, her sentiment was to, to provide, you know, present a united front to our kids. But to me, I was, I was at the point where I wanted to reconcile the marriage. I had spent a long time trying to convince myself that that wasn't what I wanted, but I always knew in my heart that's what I, what I did want. I just didn't have the tools, tools. So, so when she went and signed us up, I'm, in my mind, I'm like, oh, wow, this is great. Like, she's turning a corner, too. Like, not a little, and I didn't even know, so this is kind of a funny situation, I mean.

hindsight, but it's kind of funny now. I didn't even know until literally a week ago that when she signed us up that she just wanted to learn how to co-parent better. That was news to me. So I want to just kind of flush out a little bit about what happened. What was it that, and we know the story, but Brandon share with us what happened while you guys were in marriage enrichment in Mike and Connie's group. What happened that kind of sparked you to have a desire to go past just this co-parenting thing? What happened? You two. To be quite frank, we were learning a lot in the marriage enrichment course and and I learned what it meant. I learned what a covenant was, you know, and I didn't know that. I had heard it. I had been raised in going to church, you know, but I'd never heard it, you know what I mean? And God's plan happens in divine order. And it's like attending the marriage enrichment, Jessica and I, it put us in a place to be receptive. It put me in a place to be receptive, you know, and when honestly Candy and Oakley came one night and they shared their testimony and it struck me to my core. I was like, they were telling our story. They were telling Jessica and I's story and I immediately, like, like if I look back, like that's really where I, the hope that I, the little hope that I had was amplified and I knew that somebody else had gone through what we had gone through and I knew that they had a solution and I was very intrigued by that and I went up to, I went up to Oakley afterwards and I started asking all these questions and, and, and I think that he thought I wanted to be a pastor or some sort of like, like I wanted to be, I wanted to do what he was doing, right? And like that, I was, I needed help. Like I just, I was so desperate at that point, but no, that, that, that's really what I think was the biggest turning point for me. So good. Well, just listening to both of your stories, you know, it's clear that community played a big part in it and community matters, but ultimately it wasn't just about having people around you, right? God used those people to point you back to him and begin changing your marriage from the inside. So, you know, going back here to Mike and Connie, you know, what would you say to the person who knows they need help, but it's afraid that take that first step? Pray. Yes. May go, go before the Lord and talk to him. Talk to him like he's your best friend because he is your best friend, you know, and be real with him. I can take you to the spot on the canal where we walk on where, where there were some breakdowns happening because of what

we were going through, but it was my discussions with God on that canal. So pray and pray for his will to be done. You know, you can, you can ask, you can do, but pray for his will and really sincerely seek that, you know, and then also what you can do too is to sincerely pray for your spouse. Don't pray for them to change, right? Well, you can, but, you know, pray for yourself, but then also pray for them and their walk and, and how they receive God's word and how they're interacting with God's word and the community that they're surrounding themselves with, you know, just start off with prayer. Yeah. How about you, Connie? I would say we need to realize that we're very prideful people and we need to really get rid of that. Surrender your marriage, but I'm going to tell you also go to war for your marriage in prayer because at the end of the day, you've got to go home and ask yourself, did Satan win today or did God win today? Where was my mind? Where was my heart? What were the doubts that I had today? Then I would say, other than give it to God and keep yourself surrounded in godly people in your church and fellowship and us women have other women that we can call, like I did, go to war in prayer. And you know what honestly Because we're in the empty nesters now and grandbabies are coming, but they all live out of state Someday the Lord knows the desires of our hearts, and they'll all be back in Yuma someday. Maybe pray with her will ya but We owe it to our children That we're bringing to church every day because Mike and I did that for 18 to 20 years We owe it to our kids To make their daddy or their mommy first under God Yeah So God first spouse second and I didn't do that and any new mom in a young couple that we meet now That goes through our enrichment group at our home That is loud and clear that Satan is upset that you're here trying to improve your marriage Number one there will be spiritual warfare because you're involved in this small group Because it happened to every one of us in our group on the three different groups that we had Every one of us around the same time went through that and we could look at each other and say the devil is real and There is a spiritual warfare going on and so praying in our home Praying over each other and their marriage specifically But if you have kids at home you owe it to your kids

To teach them because you know what someday your daughter's gonna be married That's right someday your son's gonna be married and who better to teach them about Godly marriages than us as parents. Amen. Amen. That's so good, Connie. So Brandon and Jessica What did God used to begin rebuilding trust and hope in your marriage? I have really deep philosophical conversations with God If you know Jessica she has deep philosophical conversations with everyone For me personally, so my dad is a chaplain and We growing up my whole life we would have these like very intricate Conversations together as one does when your dad's a chaplain and You know, it's like dad. What what did Jesus like really? Well, what did he really get angry about? And my dad would say like well, he really didn't like hypocrisy He would say you know, he would get upset at the Pharisees because they were posturing this This godly behavior, but they were treating their fellow man really terribly and In my personal conversations like with God, it was very clear that he was just like, oh, oh I get it. Just like You want forgiveness, but you don't want to forgive? you want Grace, but you're not willing to be gracious and you want mercy, but you're not willing to be merciful And he just kind of like laid it out. He's just like look like my whole life is an example of how you treat each other and Just follow it faith. This is very like real very lived experience and There's gonna be tons of trials that we just go through in in life Yes in marriage, but just as people being a person's hard you're gonna go through just like a lot of conflict and Even when you're in a good season of of your marriage and in your life that there will be a bad one Like nobody's promised you a rose garden, right? There's just a solution to how you get through those struggles and that was

that was the conversation that I had had and it's not it's not easy, but You know God just told me like like this is how you treat each other. This is how I've lived by example like you This is my word like you you know this and this is how you Persevere and this is how you go forward and I'm not saying that any of that's easy it's just the solution to it The solution to it. Oh, that's good. That's good Teams can come so we have one final question and Just one of you per couple to answer best answer If there's a couple sitting here today who feels stuck Disconnected frustrated or even and hopeless, what would you want them to know? Give God a chance to restore you individually and your marriage. You have nothing to lose if you try it, right? But your marriage, you're kind of thinking you might lose that anyway, so give God a chance. There is a marriage enrichment group of people that are here in this church to love you and to come alongside of you and to help witness to you or maybe not say anything and just walk along the side of you. We are blessed to have this kind of ministry. As you've heard, it has saved a few, if not many. Praise God. Ditto, no, just kidding. I would say that based on my experience,

you're already here, and if you're in a position where divorce is on the table, then the enemy is at work. For me, the enemy looks like God. It's like thoughts, and when I'm in my thoughts and in my own head, I can convince myself of anything, and I would say that for me, I had to seek counsel, spiritual counsel, to get my thoughts out of my head so that I could see the truth, and I've said this a couple times to Candy and Oakley and my wife that we sought counsel and we found spiritual solutions to secular sins, egregious sins, and don't underestimate God's power because the fact of the matter is the results are up to God. It's up to us. It was up to me to do the work and us to do the work because Jessica put it in a lot more work than I did, I think, in a lot of ways, and God's plan is beautiful if you allow it to be, so. Amen, amen, wow, wow, thank you. Can I go one more time? Absolutely, Mike, Mike has something he has to say. Yeah, Connie's real good about this, but she said something just not too terribly long ago to where, you know, we've got a good marriage, we do, and we've had a good marriage, but how do we make it great? Yeah. You know, so I challenge you, the ones that are out there, that have good marriages. Right.

That are coming to church, maybe are in small groups and stuff, but yeah, make it great. Get God at the center of it. Get involved with the marriage groups. They're marriage enrichment groups. You will not, you will not, man, you can't go wrong by joining the marriage enrichment group, but yeah, make a good marriage great. Amen, grace-filled marriages is a beautiful thing. It's a beautiful thing. I just wanna take a second and thank both of these couples for being here and for sharing so beautifully what God has done and restored in your marriages, and may He continue what He started in you. So thank you. Wow, can we thank these couples once again for just such an amazing story and testimony? Thank you for your vulnerability, your transparency, sharing everything that God has done in your marriages, and we're gonna transition to this next step. We're gonna have the prayer team come up right now, and we really wanna take this opportunity to let people be ministered to, so we're gonna stand to our feet. We're gonna go into a song of worship, but before we close out, we wanna offer some prayer and some ministry time for those of you that find yourself maybe in the exact same spot

that some of these couples were in, and the great thing about that is the spot they were in got them into the spot they're in now because of what God did in their life, and so that's an encouragement of hope to you that if God can do it for them, God can do it for you as well, and despite whatever situation your marriage might be in or your relationship, your family might be in, God can restore, God can heal, God can bring a new life into your marriage, especially for those of us, sometimes we settle for these moments or these thoughts about marriage being just fine, like, oh, my marriage is fine. There's nothing wrong, there's no crisis or crazy thing going on. God did not design marriage to just be fun, right? Christ came to give abundant life and God wants to give abundant life to your marriage. Marriage is an illustration between God and his people. There's a very real and divine property to marriage and God wants to do that in you and he wants to do that in your relationship and in your family. So we're going to take this time for people to be ministered to, to receive prayer. If that's you in this room, there's nothing to be afraid of, there's nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of, there's no condemnation, no one's going to think that, oh man, there's some major problems, right? No marriage is perfect, but when Christ is at the center of it, there can be new life that comes about it. And if you're not married, maybe you were married at one point, maybe you're single right now, there's still people that can give you prayer and minister to you. The Lord is in this place today, the Holy Spirit is in this place today, so we're just

going to ask and invite you to come and partake in what the Holy Spirit wants to do in this church in this moment. So we're going to go up to the Lord in prayer and the team's going to continue to play in the background. As we close out with the song, the team will continue to minister in song while you receive ministry from the people at the altar. So we're just going to go before the Lord. God, we thank you for what you are doing in families and in marriages, God, we just, we rebuke any assault of the enemy, God, that tries to come against us, that tries to come against our marriages, tries to come against our families, Lord, and tear apart what the Lord has established, what the Lord has joined together. God, we just ask that you would just be a refuge for us, God, God, that we are reminded that we are not alone, that there is family, there is community that is here, God, that you have brought us together, and God, that you have ordained this moment, Lord, for us to just receive power and new life and hope and restoration from the Spirit of God. So God, we thank you for your presence, we thank you for what you are doing in this church and the families of CTC, and God, we pray that we can be an example in the lights of the world, God, that sees marriage as a broken thing, as just a piece of paper, as something that's casual or common or nothing that has any power to it. God, we just rebuke that lie in the name of Jesus, God, we just ask that you would bring power and restoration to our marriages, that they be an example, Lord, and a divine example of God and his people, Lord God, and that we would share this beautiful illustration to bring power and life to our families and our communities around us through these. God, we thank you for what you are doing, God, we love you, God, we just ask that you be glorified in this moment, that people receive ministry and healing and power, God, we thank you for your goodness and your grace, it's in Jesus' name we pray, amen. Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen

Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen Amen, amen, amen He is for you, He is for you, He is for you, He is for you! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Praise the name of the One who brought you And a thousand generations And your family, and your children And their children, and their children To praise you, go before you And behind you, and beside you All around you, and within you He is with you, He is with you In the morning, in the evening And you're coming, and you're going And you're weeping, and rejoicing He is for you, He is for you Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Amen! Church, you are dismissed. We'll see you next Sunday. And if you're still getting prayed for, you can stay to continue to get prayed for.