Rude Awakening | Kyle Idleman

Well, hey, Pando family. It is so great to be back with you this week. My name is Derek. If we've never met before, I am our online campus pastor here at Southeast Christian Church. And I am so glad that you decided on your tablet, wherever you're at today, to click on our worship service and decide to worship the Lord with us here today and hear an encouragement from God's word. And as we enter into our Father's Day message, I know that there are gonna be several of you watching this that are gonna have some really deep thoughts and emotions going into it, because you may not have had a dad in your life that encouraged you and fathered you in a way that was helpful, fathered you in a way that was healthy, right? And that's led to a lot of hurt in your life. And I know for others of you, you may have had that, but even as you look at your own life, you see, man, I am not the father, I'm not the dad that I wanna be, nor have I. But y'all, I want you to just hang in there in the middle of service today, because we're gonna talk a little bit more after service about how you can be encouraged through Kyle's message, and he's gonna speak to that. But I want you to know that God does have a plan for you,

even in the midst of a day that can be so hard and frustrating for so many of you watching. And y'all, it may be, you may be someone today that you need to talk to one of us about what you're going through. You'd like for us to pray for your kids, for your family, and we would love to do that. And so the best way that you can get ahold of us is by looking at the description of this video for the address of our church. Feel free to write us, let us know how you're doing, how we can pray for you and your family, and we will be faithful to respond back and encourage you and pray for you when we get that letter. Y'all, but we already have 33,000 of you that have, whether it's you, your family, your friends, anyone who has signed up to be a part of our Southeast Christian Church channel on Pando. We're so excited about that. And what I want you to take in encouragement from that is that you are not alone. You are one of 33,000 people that are joining our church family every single week to worship the Lord, to dive into his word, and find encouragement about how we can follow Jesus. And along those same lines, we are going to be continuing our study

through the book of Genesis this week. Our senior pastor, Kyle Eidelman, is gonna be talking about this sermon series called, Meant for Good. And the sermon series title today is called, Rude Awakening. We're gonna be talking about Jacob's son, Joseph. So Jacob, who we had just talked about a few weeks ago, talking about him wrestling with the Lord, about how his son, Joseph, was one of his favorite sons and yet was sold into slavery. And so Kyle's gonna bring us some encouragement from God's word on Joseph's story and how that applies to us. Y'all, but I'm gonna be back with you after service. We're gonna talk a little bit more about Father's Day, about Kyle's message. But for now, let's prepare our hearts and let's go worship together. Let's sing to our good God today. Let's lift up his name, let's remember exactly who he is. When we see God in his rightful place, we see ourselves in our rightful place. Let's sing. Our God has been faithful through all generations. We all got a story to tell. Stories of rescue, rebirth, and redemption. We've all got a story to tell. Come on now, sing, if he's been faithful. Sing, if he's been faithful, if he's been good,

sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah. If he's been able, no one else could. No one else could. Sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah. Sing hallelujah, hallelujah. Let them redeem, let them redeem. Sing let them redeem, oh Lord. If their voices you've heard, pray the things he has done. Sing, if he's been faithful, if he's been good, we've heard from our fathers and we've heard from our children the wonderful things that he's done. Sing, if he's been faithful, if he's been good, come on, sing, sing hallelujah, come on, sing hallelujah. Oh, no one else could, come on, sing, sing hallelujah. Come on, Southeast, sing, sing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah. If he is good, he is good. ♪ His love endures now and for eternity ♪ ♪ Yes, He is good, come on ♪ ♪ His love, His story, our legacy ♪ ♪ Yes, He is good, His love endures now and for eternity ♪ ♪ Now and for eternity ♪ ♪ Yes, He is good and His love endures ♪ ♪ Our history, our legacy, yes ♪ ♪ He has been faithful, He has been good ♪ Come on, sing, sing. Sing! ♪ He has been able, no one else could ♪ Come on, come on.

♪ Sing hallelujah, oh sing hallelujah ♪ ♪ If He's been faithful, if He's been good ♪ ♪ Sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah ♪ ♪ If He's been able, no one else could ♪ ♪ Sing hallelujah, sing hallelujah ♪ ♪ Oh Lord, we bless Your name, we bless Your name Jesus ♪ ♪ Sing hallelujah ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Everything changed, it's getting harder to recognize ♪ ♪ The person I was before I encountered Christ ♪ ♪ I don't walk like I used to, I don't talk like I used to ♪ ♪ I've been washed from the inside, I've been washed from the inside ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was the blood, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was the blood, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ Yes, I knew the blood ♪ ♪ I cannot explain, nothing's more real than this ♪ ♪ In the presence of God, or what my heart experienced ♪ ♪ With my shame in the wayside, and my sin at the most high ♪ ♪ I was washed from the inside, I was washed from the inside ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was the blood, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, Hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was the blood, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, we thank you Jesus, it's only by your blood ♪ ♪ It's never been about performance, perfection ♪ ♪ Striving for acceptance, let me tell you, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪ It's never been about deserving, or earning ♪

♪ It's a gift that's freely given, let me tell you, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪ Does anybody wanna be holy, or righteous, purified, or spotless? ♪ ♪ Let me tell you, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪ Does anybody wanna be worthy? ♪ ♪ Forgiven, justified, really living ♪ ♪ Let me tell you, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was a lie, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪ ♪ I know it was a lie, could have only been the blood ♪ ♪ The blood, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪ The blood, it's only by the blood ♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪ When did I start to forget ♪ ♪ All of the great things you did? ♪ ♪ When did I throw away faith for the impossible? ♪ ♪ How did I start to believe you weren't sufficient for me? ♪ ♪ Why do I talk myself out of seeing miracles? ♪ ♪ Come on, we sing, you are more than able ♪ ♪ You declare the truth, you are more than able ♪ ♪ All that we can ask or think, He can do it ♪ ♪ You are more than able ♪ ♪ You're on all our streets, you are more than able ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny what the Lord can do? ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny your love? You're good, you're able ♪ ♪ And I've seen all that I have ♪ ♪ Oh, I got my confidence back ♪ ♪ I put my trust in the one who still does miracles ♪

♪ You do miracles, you are more than able ♪ ♪ Yes, you are ♪ ♪ You are more than able ♪ ♪ Yes, you are, yes, you are, yes, you are ♪ ♪ You are more than able ♪ ♪ You are more than able ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny what the Lord can do? ♪ ♪ Can you imagine with all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do, what the Lord can do? ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen, just let the way make it through ♪ ♪ It's gonna move, yes, it's gonna move ♪ ♪ Can you imagine with all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do, what the Lord can do? ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen, just let the way make it through ♪ ♪ It's gonna move, it's gonna move ♪ ♪ Can you imagine with all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do, what the Lord can do? ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen, just let the way make it through ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ Anything is possible, I'm singing to you ♪ ♪ Anything is possible, for our God and who am I ♪ ♪ To deny what the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Anything is possible, anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible, anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible, who am I, who am I to deny ♪ ♪ Who am I, who am I to deny what the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Who am I, who am I to deny what the Lord can do ♪ ♪ He's gonna do what only He can do, yes He will ♪ ♪ You are more than able, oh let us believe more ♪ ♪ More and more, you are more than able ♪

♪ More than I understand, Lord, yes you are ♪ ♪ More than able, oh yes you are ♪ ♪ You are more than able, who am I to deny what the Lord can do ♪ And you, you, thank you Jesus. ♪ You are more than able, oh yes you are, oh Lord ♪ ♪ You are more than able, when I don't believe, Lord ♪ ♪ For you are more than able, we find you in the darkest place ♪ ♪ You are more than able, who am I to deny what the Lord can do? ♪ Thank you Jesus, thank you, thank you. Let our faith arise, Father, in this place. Let us trust in you, trust in your power. Lord, take off the uneasy yoke, Lord, that this world wants to provide us and place on us your easy yoke. Remind us who you are, Lord. Remind us who you are, where you've been, what you've done, and how you've never left our side. Through generations, we've seen others, Lord, but you've been in our lives. It's a personal testimony, Lord. We're standing here today because of your faithfulness. Overwhelm us with your goodness. Remind us who you are, Lord. And let us worship you because you're worthy of it all. Thank you, Lord. It's in your name we pray, amen. Y'all can grab a seat. Thank you, God. God bless you. God, bless you.

God, bless you. God, bless you. God, bless you. God, bless you. God, bless you. God, bless you. God, bless you. Love you, Lord. God, bless you. I think 10 years ago I was still trying to figure out myself. 10 years ago, my mindset was chasing money. I didn't really understand one day I would have my own family. How do I connect with my boys and the way they need to be connected with? The 2016 me was lost, was broken, was confused. But I looked down at my daughter, Sage. What I saw in her eyes was unconditional love with no strings attached. And she truly gave me a purpose and saved my life. It was a time where we still had one child at home. Just trying to figure out who I was. Trying to, you're 19 at the time, like didn't know who I was yet and you know, what I was meant to do and who I was meant to be. I don't know, just, it felt a lot more chaotic because I still didn't know who I was. I was still growing and learning. You know, work was stressful at that time. I remember just the anxiety of going through life,

going, I can't continue working like this. 2016 kind of started a journey for a long period of time of being a single dad and learning how hard that is to be a single parent and what it's like to show up well for your kids in that time, even in a season of brokenness and hardship. It was a lot of confusion about who I was and who I was supposed to be and how I was gonna contribute to this world. If I could go back and tell myself anything, I would say like. Allowing yourself to fail is okay. You just have to get back up and keep moving. I think I would tell myself 10 years ago, like, you don't know what's ahead. Like, you don't know how great of a wife you're gonna meet and how perfect you guys will be together. You don't know you're gonna have twins. Like, you're not gonna know that's coming. It's okay. Like, it's okay to let them fail. It's okay to let them fall down. Enjoy it. Enjoy the time. Enjoy the kids. Enjoy them at every age because it goes fast. It goes really fast. I would say trust the Lord. It would have been to surrender.

Surrender to Christ. You just have to like show up and be there for them and show them kind of you living and growing and you accepting grace and forgiveness and then they can see that and get that from you as well. This is temporary. You know, this isn't gonna last. You know, and someday it's gonna be over. I think a dream that God's given me that hasn't been fulfilled is just all of them walking with the Lord. The dream is to be able to baptize my son one day. Just to see my boys grow into the men that they're gonna be. I wanna see them take steps to be disciple makers. I just wanna see all three of my kiddos like just know Jesus and live a life that's surrendered to Him in so many ways. To see each of my girls walking with the Lord through their own established faith. I love you, Baba. Let's celebrate our dads. In fact, let's do this. If I could just have every dad stand. If you're a father in any kind of capacity, would you just stand? I wanna pray over you. If you know one of these dads, put a hand on them. Let me pray over them.

Father, I wanna ask you to do something right now that only you can do. Would you give supernatural strength and courage and conviction to these men who are standing? God, I know some of them walked in here this morning carrying things that nobody in this room knows about. Maybe a marriage that's harder than they let on or a child that they're losing ground with and they don't know how to get it back. God, some of them I know are just barely hanging on. Some of them feel like Gideon and they feel completely inadequate for what's in front of them. God, they look at their family and they think I'm the wrong man for this job. I don't have what it takes. God, would you remind them that you called Gideon and it wasn't because he was the strongest. You called him and you became his strength. Would you do that for these men? God, some of them are like David. They know what they've done and they carry shame over failures that they can't undo. Like mistakes that they made as a husband, as a father, as a man. And that shame has been telling them that it disqualifies them. God, would you remind them that you called David, not because he was perfect, but because he kept pursuing, he kept coming back to you.

Let that be true of these men here today. God, some of them are like Elijah. They are depleted and tired and empty. Their calling is real, but they just feel like they got nothing left to give. God, would you remind them that when Elijah collapsed under that tree and said, I can't do it anymore, you didn't rebuke him. You let him rest and you fed him and you spoke courage into his soul and then you sent him back out. God, would you do that for these men, especially if they're running on empty. God, give these men courage. God, give these men strength, not the kind of strength to hold it all together on their own, but the strength to admit that they can. and the strength to reach out to you. God, remind them today that the greatest thing that can give their families is not a perfect performance, it is a surrendered life, a man who knows that he needs you, a man who pursues you first. So, Lord, on this Father's Day weekend, call these men up, call them out, call them forward, and God, if something needs to shift in them today, then do that. Let them walk out of here different than how they came in. It's in the name of Jesus that we pray, amen, amen. Thank you, men. You may be seated. In that video that we watched, it asks dads to go back 10 years, but what if you went back to when you were 10 years old?

Like when you were 10 years old, what was the dream? What did you want to be when you grew up? Like nobody ever says, I want to be in middle management, drive a 2014 Camry with the check engine light that's been on since 2019. And I kind of feel bad using that as an example, because with enough people, like I just perfectly described somebody. If that's you, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with working in middle management, driving a 2014 Camry with the check engine light that's been on since 2019. I'm just saying that probably wasn't the dream. So when you're young, the dream's huge. You're going to be an NBA player, or an astronaut, or a ninja, because kids don't dream small. But life comes around, life happens, and your dreams start experiencing some rude awakenings. Your rude awakening might have been like your parents' divorce, might have been an unexpected diagnosis, it might have been a relationship that fell apart, or a job that was eliminated, or maybe it was a phone call that woke you up in the middle of the night. Maybe for the dads, on this Father's Day weekend, it was the moment you became a dad, and you realized, I am wildly unqualified. Like nobody handed you a manual, and you look at this brand new baby, and you're, I have no idea what I'm doing. My oldest daughter was actually born on Father's Day 28 years ago today, to hand us this baby, this tiny, helpless human being, and they just say, you can go home now. Like you're good to go. It's like they were handing me like a Crunchwrap Supreme at the Taco Bell drive-thru, like no test, no certification, no supervised trial period, just hand me a baby and let me leave with a person. And so I carry her out in her car seat out of the hospital to her 1991 Honda Civic to put her in that back seat, and my wife's in the passenger seat. I open up the back seat, and I look at this car seat, I've got no idea. And some of you are thinking, just watch a YouTube video. That wasn't a thing in 1998.

And so I'm sweating, and I'm frustrated, and I'm trying to wrestle this car seat into place. Half in, half out of the car, sleep deprived, and I start to lose it. My sweet baby girl is listening to her first Christian cuss words. It's my first task at fatherhood. I'm failing. I'm not even 30 feet out of the hospital, and it's a rude awakening. And life is full of those moments. But what we're going to discover as we continue through Genesis, as we begin a series through the life of Joseph, is that even in those moments, even with those rude awakenings, God is with you, and He's still working things together for good, even if you can't see it. This week, we're picking up in Genesis 37. We have been studying about the family that Joseph was born into, and we've seen that his family of origin was a mess. His father, Jacob, had 12 sons from four different women. Lots of drama. It was like the Real Housewives of Canaan around his home. And before we would have begun this study through Genesis, you might have thought, like the Bible is a book that tells stories of good people doing good things for God. But the stories we've been studying, something different. It's a good God who does good things through broken and messy people. So in the middle of this dysfunctional family, God gives a dream to this 17-year-old boy named Joseph. Genesis 37 tells us—actually, it had two dreams. The first dream, he and his brothers are out in a field finding sheaves of grain, and Joseph's sheaf rises up while all his brother's sheaves gather around and bow down. Second dream, the sun and the moon and 11 stars representing his brothers are all bowing down to Joseph. And so Joseph, at age 17, decides the best thing to do with these dreams is to tell my brothers about them bowing down. And that goes about as well as you might expect.

Genesis 37, verse 5. Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, hated him all the more. There's a version of this story that makes Joseph the problem. And clearly, like he lacks some social awareness in this moment, but also, God gave him the dream. It was from God, and yet it disrupts his life, and it creates strain in his relationships. And I don't want you to miss that, because sometimes the dream that God gives you can be hard for the people closest to you to see, hard for them to accept. But to really understand why this dream created such an explosion in his family, you have to understand that Joseph's father, Jacob, had already lit that fuse long before. Look at verse 3 in our passage. It says, now Israel, that's Jacob, that's Joseph's dad, he loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age. And he made an ornate robe for him, and when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. So we call this the coat of many colors. But more accurately, it was this ornate, long-sleeved robe, but specifically the kind of robe for people who don't do manual labor. And so Jacob gave it to just one of his sons. And so the brothers are out in the fields doing manual labor, wearing work boots and car hearts, and Joseph, he walks up in a boss polo, a pair of Gucci shoes, and a belt that has like little whales on it. He's not just dressed for a different job, he's dressed for a different life. And Jacob, the father, seems completely oblivious. What makes this so hard to understand, Jacob, if you remember, he grew up in a home where his own father played favorite, so Jacob knew exactly what it was like to be the overlooked son. He grew up with that wound, and he must have thought, I'm not going to do it that way. Like when I have my own kids, I'm going to do it different, but then he has his own sons

and he does the exact same thing. Why? Well, it was the only model that he had ever seen. There's a term that researchers use for this, intergenerational transmission, meaning unless there is a very intentional effort, we parent the way that we were parented, almost automatically, like almost unconsciously. A study by the University of Delaware tracked parenting patterns across three generations, and they found that the way a parent responds to their child's emotional needs is statistically predictable based on how their own childhood went. That's intergenerational transmission. In other words, if left alone, what your parents did has this powerful gravitational pull towards determining what you're going to do. And so part of being a parent, part of being a person, is making decisions intentionally about what gets passed down. Every day you're reinforcing a pattern or interrupting one, and that sounds simple enough, but breaking these strongholds, like breaking these patterns, especially parenting patterns, is really difficult. So you might start a family, and you say, I'm not going to be like that. I'm going to do things different. But when you're under stress and under pressure, and you're tired, and you're overwhelmed, the default of your parents has a way of kicking in. Growing up, my dad had one consistent point of crisis. Wasn't finances, and it wasn't marriage conflicts. It was the drive-thru at a restaurant. I mean, it nearly broke. The moment we'd pull into that drive-thru line, he'd break out in a cold sweat. He'd tell us repeatedly, like, be ready for your order. Be ready with your order. But we'd pull up to the speaker. Panic sets in.

My dad turns around, and he has the energy of a man defusing a bomb, trying to get us to tell him our order. And once you ordered, that was it. Like there was no changing it. It was sad. And I watched this happen like 400 times growing up. And every single time, I thought, you know what? I'm never going to do that. When I have kids, the drive-thru is going to be a place of serenity, a place of peace, a place of joy and freedom. If you want to change your order, change your order. I'm going to be calm. I'm going to be the chill drive-thru dad that I never had. Fast forward. I've got my own kids. We pull into Chick-fil-A, and they take your order in person, and I can feel the stress and the pressure building. Roll down the window. The worker tells me I'm their pastor. Now I've got to keep it together. I ask everyone for their order. My kids act like they've never eaten there before. I look at them trying to communicate with my expressions, like I'm yelling at them with my eyebrows, and they are unbothered. That is intergenerational transmission of drive-thru. through anxiety, like under pressure, under stress, when the car's running and the speaker's waiting and nobody seems to understand the urgency of the situation, the default kicks in. And I am guessing that Jacob just didn't mean to repeat the pattern. I feel sure, like he was well-intentioned as a dad, but the thing about parenting or

any kind of leading is you can be sincere and well-intentioned and still do a lot of damage and leave a lot of wounds. And so the question, the question isn't, are you well-intentioned? The question, are you intentional? That's the question. And if I'm honest, I'll tell you, like this is where I sometimes let myself off the hook as a dad and as a leader, because I know my own intentions. And so I tend to grade myself based on good intentions. Like I give myself credit for good intentions, but it's not about good intentions. It's about being intentional. Think about it like this. You go to the doctor, you get some blood work done, and they find out that your cholesterol is dangerously high, and you're not surprised because it runs in your family, intergenerational transmission. Like you've known for a long time that this could be a problem, but this doctor's appointment, it's a wake-up call. The doctor gives you this nutrition and exercise plan, and you walk out that day with great intentions of eating right and working out. When you come back four months later, the blood work doesn't care about your good intentions. The results only reflect your actions. See, good intentions without intentional change, change nothing. And so we keep pointing to our good intentions as a scoreboard, but it's not really a question of your good intentions. It's a question of being intentional. Well, Joseph's brothers are about 50 miles from home. They're tending flocks near Shechem, and Jacob sends Joseph to check on his brothers. The brothers see him coming from a distance wearing his robe, and they say to each other, here comes the dreamer. Verse 18 says that they conspired to kill him, not give him a wedgie, like not hold him down until he spit in his face, but kill him.

Reuben, the oldest brother, barely talks them out of it, and they end up throwing Joseph into this empty pit, Genesis 37, starting in verse 23. So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe, that ornate robe that he was wearing, and they took him, and they threw him into the pit, into the cistern. That cistern was empty, and there was no water in it. And then verse 25 says, the brothers sat down to eat. So Joseph's in the pit. He can hear the meeting lunch. He can hear the conversation. He can hear the laughter. We're told later, in Genesis 42, that while Joseph was in the pit, he was distressed, and he was pleading for his life, but his brothers ignored him. So he's begging, and he's crying out, and they sit down for uncrustables and Capri Suns. And then, like this caravan of Ishmaelite slave traders pass through, and Judah, the brother, has a business idea. Why kill him? We'll just sell him into slavery. And apparently, like 20 pieces of silver was the going rate for a 17-year-old boy. The brothers cover up what they had done by faking Joseph's death. They slaughter a goat. They dip Joseph's coat in the blood. They take it back to Jacob, and they say, something terrible must have happened. And Jacob, the father, tears his clothes and mourns the death of his favorite son. And then Genesis 37 ends with what feels like kind of this door getting slammed shut on Joseph's dream. It just says, meanwhile, the Midianites sold Joseph in Egypt to Potiphar, one of Pharaoh's officials, the captain of the guard. And so here's what happens. In one chapter, he goes from favored son to foreign slave. That is a rude awakening.

His dream seems dead. Do you remember the Etch-a-Sketch toy, little red plastic toy with the white knobs? I guess they're still around. Like Joseph had these pictures etched into his mind, the sun, and the moon, and the stars. They're all bowing down to him, but then it gets shaken up. Like he has this picture that his life is going to be significant, that he was going to be important in some way. But then it gets shaken. The whole thing seems to disappear. Like it wasn't real. Like it never existed. And some of you know what this feels like. Like you had a picture of what your marriage was going to look like etched in there, what kind of father you were going to be, what your family was going to feel like at Christmas, what your adult-kid relationship was going to be like. And somewhere along the way, maybe through betrayal, or maybe through failure, or maybe just a slow drift, your picture got shook. Or maybe you shook it yourself. And now you find yourself in this pit. It's a place you never thought you would be. Now his story doesn't end here, it just turns here. I mean, he gets out of this literal pit when he's sold into slavery, but it would have been really easy for him to just stay in that pit. Like metaphorically. In fact, the Bible uses the word pit as a metaphor, as a picture in several places. You see this in the Psalms. Psalm 40 verse 2 says, God lifted me out of the slimy pit. And so I want us to use pit that way for us here. On this Father's Day weekend, I wanted to use the pit as a picture, because Joseph gets out of that physical pit, but I want us to talk about some of the pits he could have

stayed in, because I think it's some of the same pits a lot of men find themselves in. There are three particular pits I see dad gets stuck in. Pit number one. I'm going to call it the pit of disappointment. The word disappointment is probably not a strong enough word, like despair is probably more accurate. But I'm going to use disappointment, because I think a lot of men are more comfortable with that. I mean, as a man, I don't want to come across as dramatic or needy, so I'll just say I'm disappointed. We don't say we're scared. We say we're a little stressed. We don't say we're overwhelmed. We say, ah, it's just a busy season. We don't say, I'm really struggling. We say, I'm okay. We don't say we're devastated. We say we're disappointed. Brene Brown, in her research on shame and vulnerability, found that the primary shame trigger for men is what she calls the perception of weakness. And do you know what registers as weakness for men? Feeling disappointed around family and around fatherhood. And so, men hide their disappointment because it feels like weakness. They hide it from others, but they hide it from themselves. And they get in this pit, and they refuse to admit it. Instead, they reframe it, or they rationalize it, or they bury it. And so, that disappointment, that real feeling they have, just goes underground. It gets buried, but it doesn't stay buried. Comes out sideways. Studies consistently show how it comes out sideways for men.

Studies show that men are far more likely to convert disappointment into two things. Men are likely to convert disappointment into anger or apathy. Into anger or apathy. Instead of naming what it is. And so, we say we're fine, but the people closest to us are living with a man who seems angry or checked out, and they don't understand why because he doesn't understand why. And you can only be disappointed if you care about something deeply to begin with. And so, one of the ways that men tend to deal with this pit of disappointment is they try to care less. They get apathetic. They get passive. They get cynical. Because if I stop caring, then I can protect myself from feeling disappointed. I won't feel weak. And it's just hard to imagine the level of disappointment Joseph felt when he's betrayed by his own brothers. It would have been easy for him to spend the rest of his life in that pit feeling angry or apathetic. The question isn't whether disappointment is real. The question is, what do you do with it? Pit number two. The pit of self-pity. This is a pit where a man decides that what happened to him is the most important thing about him. The abuse he endured, the betrayal he experienced, the rejection he felt, the unfair circumstances he's had to deal with. And even though he might technically be out of that pit, he chooses to stay in it. He takes his wound and he makes it the center of his identity. This is one of the ways that self-pity might show up in a man's life is they become extraordinarily sensitive, easily offended, hard to be around.

When self-pity becomes your operating system, then everything becomes about you. He doesn't get invited to the thing. He takes it personally. He gets overlooked for the promotion. It's injustice. His wife makes a passing comment about the lawn, and somehow it becomes evidence that she doesn't respect him as a man. His adult child calls to wish him a happy Father's Day, and his first comment is this passive, aggressive, well, it's nice to finally hear from you. And I'm not saying that some of that isn't hard and painful. I know it is. But what self-pity does is it takes every negative experience and it runs it through a negative filter that says, this always happens to me. And so this unintentional slight, the forgotten birthday, the comment that landed wrong, the friend that didn't check in, the boss who didn't notice, self-pity collects all of it like evidence. And that is an exhausting way to live. And it is an exhausting person to live with. You cannot win with a man. who is committed to making his wound his identity. Because you'll invite him, and he'll find something wrong with how you did it. You can celebrate him, and he'll minimize it. You can affirm him, and he'll just say, it's about time. And this is one of the most unattractive qualities in a man. Not unattractive like a bad haircut. Unattractive in the sense that people stop wanting to be around this. Self-pity slowly empties a room until you're the only one sitting in it,

and your family starts avoiding you. If anyone had a right to throw a pity party, it was Joseph. I mean, we'll see. His biography reads like a country music song, like thrown in a pit by his brothers, sold for the price of a used lawnmower, falsely accused, wrongly imprisoned. Like if there was ever a man who deserved to feel sorry for himself, it was Joseph. But he doesn't do it. I want to be careful with this. Because listen, there is a real difference between self-pity and vulnerably sharing something that's hard and heavy that you're going through. Like sharing a burden is courageous. It's biblical, Galatians 6, 2 says, carry each other's burdens. So asking for help is not weakness. Sitting across from a trusted friend and saying, I'm not okay, and I need somebody to know that. That's not self-pity. That's courage, and that's wisdom. Vulnerability says, I am wounded. Self-pity says, I am my wound. Vulnerability says, I'm in pain, and I need help. Self-pity says, I'm in pain, and I'm staying here, and I'm going to blame as many people as I can. Vulnerability moves towards healing. Self-pity stays in the pit. So when you hear yourself asking, why me?

Interrupt it and replace it with what now? What now, Lord? To keep you moving forward. One more pit. Pit number three. The pit of bitterness. Joseph's brothers didn't just hurt him. Like, they gave him enough material for a lifetime of bitterness. He had names and faces. He had a detailed memory of the exact moment each one of them had turned on him. And he could have spent the rest of his life just replaying that tape. But here's the thing about replaying that tape, is every time you watch it, they're hurting you again. But Joseph could have done it. He could have spent his life keeping track of the debt he was owed, and every day adding interest to it. Hebrews 12, 15 warns us. It says, see to it that no one falls short of the grace of God. No one misses the grace of God. And that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. The Hebrew writer here uses agricultural language of a root, because a root doesn't stay contained. A root spreads. And then one day, things start dying that you didn't expect to die.

The word defile here, in the original language, means to contaminate, to corrupt, to stain something that was previously clean. And then the pit of bitterness will pull the people you love into it with you. You don't get to be bitter in isolation. It doesn't stay in you. It gets into everything you touch. It follows you into every room you walk in. Hebrew says it contaminates. A little contamination can do a lot of damage, right? Like one drop of poison in a glass of clean water can make the whole glass undrinkable. And this is what bitterness does in a family system. Like your bitterness is not just your own business. Like you might think I'm keeping it contained, but it is always contaminating. Research shows what anyone who grew up in a home with an angry dad already knows, that chronic anger in the home, it functions like secondhand smoke. Like the family breathes it in every day, and they can feel that something is wrong, but they kind of get used to it, but it's doing all kinds of damage. The root of bitterness, it's like cancer, and it spreads through your home, and your wife feels it, and your kids absorb it, and your grandkids will inherit it unless you break free from it.

In the weeks ahead, we're gonna see how Joseph does that, how he chooses forgiveness over bitterness, and how that choice doesn't just set his brothers free, but it sets him free too. I've described three pits here. And I'll just tell you, like that list didn't come from research. It didn't come from interviews with other dads, or a book I read on fatherhood. Like that list came from my own life. I became a father on Father's Day, 1998, 28 years ago today. And those are the pits that I have found myself in. And the longer you're in a pit, the more normal it just starts to feel. But man, just hear me clearly on this. Like these pits are not just personal struggles. They are spiritual strongholds that Jesus has died to set you free from, and God has called. called you out of that pit. He has placed you in a family, a specific, imperfect, complicated, dysfunctional, sometimes exhausting family, and that family needs what only you can give. So I just want to end my message by being really clear and speaking some courage over our men today. Men, first, can I tell you that you were designed to be a provider? Not just financially, spiritually, emotionally, the type of provider that when their kids walk into a room,

they feel secure, like a man whose kids know that whatever happens out there, we're gonna be okay in here. And you were designed to be a protector, not just physically, but a protector of the atmosphere of your home, a protector of the spiritual health of your family, a protector of your children's hearts and minds, that you stand at the gate and you look at what's pouring into your kids' eyes and their hearts, and you just declare with holy authority, not on my watch, not in my house, not my children. And men, you were designed to be a prophet, like not in the sense of predicting the future, but in the biblical sense of somebody who speaks the truth of God into the lives of people around him, and your family needs this from you desperately. Like your kids are being told 1,000 things every day about who they are, by their peers, by social media, by the culture, by their own insecurities, and most of what they're being told is a lie, and they need your voice speaking truth over them. You don't get to stay quiet and call it your personality. You don't get to stay passive and call it being a chill dad. Like somebody's gonna tell your son who he is. Somebody's gonna tell your daughter what she's worth, and that is your job. That was never supposed to be outsourced.

Like research consistently shows that a father's words, positive or negative, carry disproportionate weight in the identity formation of his children. Like more than peers, more than teachers, more than coaches, you are the prophet of your home. So get out of the pit and start prophesying God's truth over them. Tell them they are fearfully and wonderfully made. They are called by name, that they belong to Jesus. Speak that over their life. And men, you were designed to be a prayer on your knees for your family. Your kids know that you're gonna go to God for them. Your wife knows that when everything else feels uncertain, you've already gone to the Father. There is nothing more powerful than you can do for your family than to pray for them. And men, you were designed to be a pursuer. The one who goes first, the one who loves first, the one who forgives first, the one who sacrifices first, the one who humbles himself first. And pursuers are present, eyes up, phones down, fully there. So provider, protector, prophet, prayer, and pursuer, that's what you were made for. But here's what I want you to know about the God who's called you to that. He doesn't just ask this of you, He models it for you, like as your heavenly Father. Like maybe you never had a father do this for you, like you don't know how to do it,

it wasn't passed down to you. God is this kind of father for you. He is the ultimate provider. Gives you everything you need. The Bible says His grace is always enough. He's the ultimate protector. He doesn't slumber, nor does He sleep. He's always with you. He never leaves you and never forsakes you. He is the ultimate prophet. He has spoken your name. He has called you His own. He tells you the truth about you and about life. He is the ultimate pursuer. He is Emmanuel, the God with us, who came from heaven to earth. And He, through the Holy Spirit, is the ultimate prayer. Romans 8 verse 34 says that He sits at the right hand of the throne in heaven, interceding for you. There's one phrase that appears again and again in this story. It's kind of like a drumbeat underneath all the chaos of the pain and the setbacks. Like every time there's a rude awakening, every time the bottom falls out, like every time the dream looks dead, we see this phrase showing up. Like four different times we read it. And I want you to hear this, not just as a historical observation

about this boy in Egypt. I want you to hear it as a promise for your life. Here it is. The Lord was with Joseph. The Lord was with Joseph. Not the Lord appeared to Joseph in the pit and explained everything. Not the Lord gave Joseph a map and a timeline and said, here's how it's all gonna work out in the end. Not the Lord waited until Joseph climbed out of the pit on his own, and then he helped him. No, the Lord was with Joseph. And this is what marks the fatherhood of God. It is presence. It's presence. That means, men, you don't have to do this alone. Like Joseph didn't get out of the pit. it on his own, the Lord was with him. And so the same is true for you. The message here today isn't, hey, pull yourself out of the pit, you can do it, be a man. No, the message is, you're gonna find yourself in a pit, but the Lord is with you, and he has the power to pull you out of that pit. And so the invitation is to start right where you're at. I know that some of you have listened to this message, and instead of it being encouraging to you, instead of it speaking courage over you,

it's felt discouraging, because you can't go back 10 years. You can't hit rewind. But this is the beautiful thing about God's redemptive will, is it will meet you right where you're at. And just as we've seen in story after story in the Old Testament, God specializes in taking situations that are broken and busted and doing something beautiful. And it's not too late for you to experience that in your life. I know I'm talking to some men here, some fathers, that feel like, I miss my chance to be the prophet. I miss my chance to be the prayer. Like, I miss my chance to be the pursuer. No, you haven't. You haven't. Like, you can still do that. In fact, there's something really beautiful about a man in a different season of life humbling himself and saying to his kids, I'm sorry for not doing it this way, but going forward, I'd like to do this. Going forward, I wanna be more intentional. Like, I hope you'll trust my good intentions. I meant well, but I wasn't as intentional as I could have been or should have been. But going forward, I wanna be this. I can promise you, like, that feels like weakness to you. It's not.

I promise you, your wife or your kids, your adult children will respect that humility. They will see it as courage. So, if you're in the pit, don't stay there. And don't convince yourself that it's your job to get yourself out. I mean, this is my tendency as a man, is when I find myself in a pit, to be like, okay, I don't want anybody to know I'm in a pit. So I'm gonna get myself out, then I'll talk about it, you know, in hindsight. I'll be like, oh, I remember when I was in a pit. I just wanna challenge you. To humble yourself, ask for God's help, ask for the help of some people around you. But don't stay in the pit. Let me pray. God, I thank you for your grace that meets us right where we are. I thank you for your strength that's made perfect in our weakness. God, I thank you that you have set for us an example of what fatherhood looks like. God, I thank you that you are the God who breaks strongholds. I thank you for you are the God that breaks patterns. I thank you, God, that what was passed down to us, we don't have to pass it down to the next generation. Thank you, Jesus, that you make things new. It's what you do.

It's what we celebrate. Every time somebody is baptized, it's a new beginning and a fresh start and a new life. And so, God, would you let us have faith in the story that you're still writing, that you can still work all things together for good and help us to humble ourselves so we can be in a position to receive that. It's in Jesus' name, amen. We're gonna take communion here together and as we do, I want you to think about Joseph being what is called a type of Christ. We see this throughout the Old Testament. The different characters give us a reflection of Jesus, like not a perfect picture, not even close really, but there's this narrative that we just see unfold again and again and again and then gets fulfilled in Jesus. So think about Joseph. Like Joseph was a beloved son. He was sent by his fathers, but then rejected by his brothers. He was stripped of his robe. He was sold for silver. He suffered unjustly. He was falsely accused and eventually he saves those who rejected him. He's a type of Christ. And so in our own stories, like let's reflect on Jesus,

what he's done for us so that where we are in our story doesn't have to be the end of the story, that by putting our trust in him, that he can write a new story. Let's take communion together. We pray. We pray. Amen. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ That is who you are, that is who you are That is who you are, that is who you are You'll never change it, you'll never change it Everywhere I go see it, everywhere I go feel it You'll never change it, you'll never change it That is who you are, that is who you are I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee Oh Lord, I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee Oh Lord, yes I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee Oh Lord, I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee, I exalt Thee Oh Lord When I think of the Father sending us His Son So we could all inherit the riches of His love I can't help but exalt Him When I think of the power built within His hand Impossible is not according to His plans Oh I can't help but exalt Him Now to Him is able to do so much more than we ask or imagine Glory to Him in the pride in Jesus Through all generations, forever and ever Glory to Him, oh Lord, oh power, oh glory to Him When I think of the cross and how it set us free For balance in heaven, for all eternity

Oh I can't help but exalt Him It'll be a holy moment when we walk through heaven's doors Pain will be behind us and death will be no more Oh I can't help but exalt Him ♪ I called Him and laid my crowns down before Him ♪ ♪ Now to Him is able to do so much more than me ♪ ♪ I swear that day will owe me to Him in the night in Jesus' name ♪ ♪ Through all generations, forever and ever ♪ ♪ Glory to Him, all honor, all power, all glory to Him ♪ Oh, amen, church, what a good father He is. He is. Will you sing with me? ♪ How deep, how high the love of the Father ♪ ♪ How strong, how wide the arms of the Savior ♪ ♪ I say it all, I can't help but hide it ♪ Let's go, come on. ♪ I can't help but exalt Him ♪ ♪ Now to Him is able to do so much more than me ♪ ♪ I swear that day will owe me to Him in the night in Jesus' name ♪ ♪ Through all generations, forever and ever ♪ ♪ Glory to Him, all honor, all power, all glory to Him ♪ Well, welcome back, Pando family. We hope that you enjoyed getting to worship with us here at Southeast Christian Church today. If you missed it at the beginning, my name is Derek. I'm our campus pastor for SC Online, and I'm grateful that you decided to join us even on a day that can be so unique to so many of you, so many of us that may have had father hurt or even pain in our life right now

of figuring out what it looks like to be a dad in the midst of being in prison. And even several of the things that Kyle mentioned at the end where he was saying we were made to be a, right, he said provider, protector, prophet, prayer, pursuer, or I would imagine, and maybe I'm wrong, but I would imagine for so many of you that are watching this right now, you're thinking, man, like Derek, I can't be all of those things to my family right now. You know, I wish I could be those things, but I can only maybe be one or two of those. And that may be exactly where God wants you to be right at this moment. It may be that He wants you, when I think of this word prayer, right, I think sometimes we can think of prayer as like this thing that just kind of exists out there that maybe we should do, maybe we shouldn't do. But even for me, as someone who, you know, I don't have to be in prison every day of my life and I get to be around my kids, and yet it can be something that I can forget to do. I can forget that being a father who prays can be more important than anything else. That not only my presence there is important, but that fact of praying, of trusting God with my kids, right, trusting Him with their future, trusting Him with their health, their safety, their wellbeing, and daily lifting them up to the Lord

is something that oftentimes, y'all, I forget to do. But what I wanna remind us is that whether we are in prison or not, being a prayer as a dad for our kids is one of the most important things that we can do. And what I would say is that if you're discouraged after seeing those five different, you know, words that start with a P right there, from provider to protector, prophet, and so on, if you find yourself discouraged, what I would say is that keep trusting God that being a prayer for your family is the absolute best thing that you could be right now, to trust God with them, to know that He's gonna take care of you. care of him, and to trust that at the end of the day, our kids are his kids, right? And he's going to take care of them. But y'all, again, we're so grateful that you would be here with us, even on a day that can be uniquely hard for so many. But we also wanted you to know that as we continue to navigate through the Bible together, not only as a church, but as an online ministry, in a Pando ministry, that includes you. We have Eden to Eternity that we're launching on Wednesdays. Our team, where it's kind of, I think it's six or seven episodes walking through from the book of Genesis all the way to Revelation and Scripture from the very beginning to the very end. And so if you are somebody that's like, man, I've heard some stories about the Bible before, but I don't really know what it means, then this is the study for you. And so I want you to go ahead, hop in, be a part of that. But lastly, I don't want to forget, we have our Panda Exclusive podcast that launches every single Thursday.

You'll see me on there, Brandon, my teammate, and a few other people from across our church where we talk about the previous Sunday sermon, how it applies to our life, and how it can encourage you specifically as a Pando family. But y'all, we're so grateful that you decided to join us today, but before we leave, I wanted to offer a quick prayer over each of us, and then we'll head out. Father in heaven, I am so grateful for our online family. I know that there are people watching this that have a lot of pain in their life because of what their dad did to them, or that their dad wasn't around, or maybe they hear something in the sermon today and they realize that, man, I can't be all of these things that Kyle had mentioned just because of my circumstances. And what I would specifically ask is that you would show the fathers in our Pando family the impact of their prayers on their family. I would specifically ask that you would show them the power of their prayers on their family, knowing that that may be the greatest way they can step into their kids' lives, and that's okay. Lord, because ultimately, our kids are your kids, and we can trust you with them even though we can't be physically present with them at the moment. Lord, thank you that above all, you are the greatest father that has ever lived. Thank you that you love us on our worst day as much as you love us on our best day. God and I pray just for all of our Pando family for protection, and for grace, and for mercy from you in their life, and that we continue to know you. In your name we pray. Amen. Well, y'all, that's all that we have for today, and until next time, pray that God blesses you, and have a great week.