Release It | Cheat Code Part 4

I want to also give a quick little shout out to our Liberty Correctional Campus that's watching. Would you give it up for them? They're checking us out online. Well, we made it. We finished the fast, and I don't know how you did with it. Hopefully, it went well for you. Hopefully, you just kind of sensed the Lord stirring some things in your heart and in your mind. I don't know about you, but I cheated once, and I got home last night, well, almost last night, and I wasn't eating until sunset, and we had ordered subs after a memorial service and sat down, and I got four big bites deep into that sub, and I realized the sun's still out. Oh! But are we thankful for God's grace or what? Yes. But anyway, today, we're gonna be finishing up our cheat code series. We've been in that for the last month or so, and today is going to be a little bit of a heavier topic, but it's a topic that I think has the potential of really shifting things around for you in your life. We entitled this Cheat Code because if you're familiar with video games, and you've probably played a game or two, and you end up getting stuck on a level, and you can't get past it,

and a cheat code will come in handy because it'll allow you to get unstuck. It'll unlock some additional levels as you're playing the game, and when you look at God's word, in a way, God gives us some cheat codes through his word. They're principles that are in the Bible that if we will apply them to our life, they'll help us to be able to break some of the old patterns, some of the old habits, some of the things that have a way of kind of sneaking up and surprising us in the next season of our life, and we've kind of framed this whole series around this idea of how to make next time different than last time, how to begin to create some change in our life so that it doesn't feel like we're continually repeating the same patterns over and over again, and so in week one, we talked about dangerous assumptions, and we looked at three assumptions that really all of us tend to have when it comes to some of those patterns that are in our life, and we talked about those and how they can quietly sabotage the change that we pray for, that we hope for. In week two, we looked at the importance of owning it, so we talked about how we can't blame our way into a better future, that we can blame our way into a future,

but not a better one, that at some point along the way, if we're gonna break some of those patterns in our life, then we've got to own our part of the story, and then in part three, we talked about rethinking it, and we kind of jokingly said that when we walk through a season in our life, a painful one, something that's frustrating, that's repeating, that we have the tendency to ask that question, what was I thinking? And chances are, we ask the question, we chuckle, and then we move right on with life, and so we talked about, in part three, the importance of slowing down, slowing down, asking the question, and taking time to process through why we thought what we did, why we did it, and why we keep doing it, and so today, what I wanna do is, I wanna talk to you from the final point in the four-part series about releasing it, and in week two, we introduced the circle of blame. You may remember that up here on the screen, and the whole circle represented the whole story. Whatever it is that has hurt you, whatever it is that has created these patterns in your life from one season to another, that circle represents who's all responsible

for that situation, and we talked about owning it, and we talked about, oftentimes, for us, we look at that situation, and we look at what everybody else did, but we don't really pay close attention to what we did, and so that little sliver represents us, because how many know, it's never our fault, right? We'll own a little bit. But we're not gonna own a lot of it, and so that parts us, but but the black part. That's what they did That's what they did Caused the marriage not to work out. That's what they did that caused you to lose your job That's what they did to you know cause you to have to navigate some of the things that you've had to navigate and And if we don't deal with that part Then next time always looks like last time and so today I Want to just kind of dig into this a little bit kind of more of a conversation than it is a teaching or a message, but I want to dig into this idea of releasing it and the reason why I Feel like this is such a big deal is because when we when we own it in our life when we own our part Or fail to own our part we end up smuggling our issues right we talked about that and we to our issues into our future But when we when we don't deal with their part Then we allow them to smuggle their issues into our future and so None of us at the end of the day Want to live the kind of life that allows other people right that have caused all the people that we have All the pain and the disappointment in our life to have influence over our future And so the only way that we can move on The only way that we can keep that from happening is by releasing it It's by dealing with

What happened in the situation that we view as their part? Have you ever met somebody that You look at their life, and they just they seem to have it all together Like their life's not perfect, but they got a pretty good life Like maybe their marriage is is good there They if they got kids their kids for the most part are respectful and and behave They've got a job that they enjoy you know it it pays them Okay, and and they enjoy to do it. They they don't have a whole lot of drama that follows them everywhere in their life There's there's some peace. That's There and then somewhere along the way you learn their story And it shocks you You learn their their story, and you realize that there's a lot of pain and trauma that's in their story and And you think to yourself like I I would have never guessed that that that person would have went through What they went through I would have never Guessed that they that they had done that at some point in Their past I never would have guessed that they would have experienced that like I don't know if you've ever met anybody that's like that, but But it makes you wonder like how does somebody go from a story a past That is something that's so tragic Something that's so difficult To a person to a life that inspires you Like naturally we would think that people that inspire us There are people that had somewhat of an easy life to get to this place But oftentimes if you learn the story you realize that that's not the case they're not to a place now that they inspire you in a way because they were lucky or because they had a Personality that they got them there. They're not there because you know a period of time has has Happened from you know it's 20 years ago

So they've moved on or they have some sort of special favor From God that has allowed them to to get where they are Now they they're able to get there because at some point in their past at some point along the way They decided They decided And what did they decide? They decided that their past will remind them Not define them They've made the decision with all the pain and all the stuff that they're still feeling on the inside They made the decision that those memories will remind them but not Define them Somewhere along the way all of that pain all the bad stuff No matter how bad the situation was as tempting as it might have been to to carry The grudge from whatever that was into a new season reason or to play the victim and every time they tell the story, they're telling the story of what somebody else did and, you know, not owning it themselves or the motivation to want to get that person back for all they did. At some point along the way, that individual summoned the courage to make the decision that their past would remind them but not define them. If next time has any chance of being different than last time, then you and I have to make the decision in our life to release the past so that our past can release us. We have to release the past, release what has happened to us and I'm going to speak to that. I'm not talking about you're saying it's okay but you've got to release the past so that your past that has a grip on your future can release you so that you can step into all that God has for you. Because if you don't, and I'm speaking from experience, if you don't release your past, the regret, the bitterness, the anger, all of the emotions that every time you think about that situation begins to surface or whatever it is that keeps popping its head up every time you try to step into a new season, a new situation, a new relationship, it continually

pops its head up and knocks you back on your feet. That takes your balance away from you that those things may not destroy your life but here's the reality is they will quietly ruin it. They may not destroy it but they will quietly ruin it. And that's why I talk like today as heavy as it's going to be and I'm not expecting any amens today, you're good. Like I give you like, you're good, you can sit there and listen or you can put headphones in and listen to something else but it's going to be heavy but I'm telling you if you lean in to where we're going today, that this has the potential to really shake things up for you in your future. You see, how do we release it? How do we release the past? It all comes down, friend, to the Christian F-word. I'm just saying it's the Christian F-word. You're like, whoa, where are we going? The word forgive. Some of you are thinking, okay, I'm going to go use the bathroom and I'm going to slip out to the parking lot. It's the word forgive. And forgiveness, I think, is probably one of the hardest, if not the hardest thing to do in our Christian walk. But it has so much power in it. Forgiveness that doesn't let somebody off the hook for what they did but where the power comes in is it allows you to take back control of your future. It allows you to be able to leverage the lessons of the past and what you learned without having to lug around the luggage of the past. And you and I have a choice between the two, right? We can look back at what we experienced, as painful as it was, and we can pull lessons from that that make us better moving forward. Or we can hold on to those experiences and the pain and everything that's associated

with it and we can carry it around with us into every new relationship, every new season, every new job, our finances, we get a raise, the same debt that was an issue there becomes an issue no matter how much money. It's the same patterns over and over again. And in this series, we've been looking at the life of Paul, and the reason why we kind of keyed in on Paul was because Paul was a guy that was not always a Christian. He was a guy that Christians hated. I mean, they took off whenever they saw Paul coming. He was responsible for killing Christians and incarcerating Christians and just a bad dude, and he has this encounter with God that radically changes his life, and God ends up using him in a mighty way. He writes almost a third of the New Testament. He is a key player in moving the mission of God forward. You and I are here today partly because of Paul's influence, and if somebody can go from a life with all of this regret and be used in such a way that would influence us still today, then I think we've got to look at this guy and how he was able to make next time look different than last time. And so in Ephesians chapter 4, Paul is writing this letter to the church in Ephesus, and he begins to talk about forgiveness, and when he talks about forgiveness, he's not coming at it from a theoretical perspective. He's giving us a roadmap from his own experience. He's trying to help us see how we can let go of some of the past things that are holding us back so that we can regain control of our future, and here's what he says in verse 26. He says that in your anger, which that's what a lot of us feel when things happen to us that we hold on to for a long period of time, in our anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. There's a couple of things I want to point out here just to kind of release a little bit of tension in the room. Do you recognize that Paul's saying here that it's not a sin to be angry? It's not a sin to feel anger because of something somebody has done to us.

Paul is trying to help us see that there is a feeling of anger, but there is at some point a place that we get where a feeling of anger becomes sinful in our life, and so then he follows it with a statement about not letting the sun go down on that anger, and I'm going to take a little bit of liberty here, so give me a little bit of grace, but I don't really feel like Paul meant that literally, and the reason why I say that is because there are some things that we experience in our life that you can have a conversation or two in the middle of the day, and you can deal with it by the end of the day, but there's some issues that we walk through in life. There's some pain, there's some hurt, there's some traumatic experiences that aren't going to be dealt with in one sunset. They're not going to be dealt with in two sunsets, but I think what Paul is trying to help us identify here is he's kind of tossing out this idea of how many. Like if somebody's hurt you, and it's cut deep, how many sunsets will you allow to continue to go, continuing to hold on to the anger of your past? Paul's telling us here that there's a decision that we have to make if we're going to regain control of our future, and he says in this next verse, he says, don't give up. Give the devil a foothold. This word give means permission, like he's like, don't just give the devil permission to have a foothold in your life and in your future, and that word foothold is interesting because in the Greek it means a base of operations. Paul's saying here like don't let the enemy, don't let the person that has hurt you, don't let them set up camp in your heart and in your emotions and in your spirit. Don't allow them to have ongoing influence. influence in your life. And this is a big deal. It's a big deal because a foothold gives them permission to have continued influence in our life. Think about it like this. Whatever they did, and I want you to like take a second to think about like what surfaces in your heart this morning when you hear that we're talking about forgiveness and the things that just kind of linger and the anger on the inside. Like what's the situation? What's the memory that starts to kind of surface up? And I want you to think about this. They hurt you. They hurt you once. And here we are months later, a year later, five years later, ten years,

thirty years, fifty years later. And what they did, what they did to you is still influencing the way that you think. It's influencing the way that, that you react. Like fathers. How your dad treated you as a kid. And you grew up as a kid with so much angst towards your dad, thinking I'm never going to be that way. And now you have kids. And you recognize that you've become that way. It influences how you trust people or don't trust people. It influences what it looks like to protect yourself, right? I mean it doesn't take a whole lot of people to really hurt you deep, to cause you, I say you, we, to cause us to not really want to put ourselves in that position anymore. And so we end up living our life with everybody at arm's length. And we miss out, we miss out on some of the most life-giving, amazing relationships in our life because we're scared to let people in. Those are footholds. Those are footholds that are, are in our life and in our heart that because we've, we've not gotten to a place where we can release it and forgive, now they're impacting our future. They're impacting the people that we genuinely love and care about the most. Maybe you've asked the question, I know I have at different seasons in my life, like why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep hurting the people that I care about? I wanted to give some handles to a foothold to help, just to help identify if maybe there's something there that, that's within us. You know, here's, here's a few, like if you react more than you respond, I'm not talking about the occasional reaction. I'm talking about that as something that is a pattern that's in your life that you react more than respond. You rehearse old conversations. I told first service, like there was something that happened to me, it happened to me like 10 years ago and, and it, it was like, it cut me deep and, and I just kind of moved on. Like my personality, like if you know my past, lots of pain, lots of trauma, lots of all of that in my past. And I just like, as a kid, subconsciously, I just, I just kind of learned my coping mechanism was just to push it down and to move forward. And so that's what I did with this situation. I pushed it down and I moved forward until years later, I was getting dressed and All of a sudden, like this memory of that situation, like I could see myself in the room where it happened. And, and my mind started, maybe you've been here before, but my mind started playing back all the different ways that I wish I would have responded. Some of those were with words and phrases, and some of them were with fists and feet. And it just kept like, and I just push it down, and I went on, and I'm still, and I'm getting up, and I'm preaching sermons, and I'm processing this stuff in my own life.

I push it down, and I move on, and it pops its head up again, you know, a week later, a month later, and I'm like, what's going on? And I push it down, and I move on, and it was a foothold, that, that experience in my life, because I had not released it, it had created a foothold that every time that I heard the name, every time that I saw their face, it instantly created all of this emotion and anger on the inside of me. That's a foothold. Another one is you protect yourself before you trust. The whole idea of small groups and the Next Steps Expo and all that stuff, like you've totally dismissed any of that because you've had so many people in your life stab you in the back. You've had people in your life that you've confided in share your private information with other people and expose you in such a way that you've told yourself that you're never going to open yourself up again. And so, what do you do? You live this way, you dismiss something like small groups, and you miss out on the very tools that God is trying to put into your life to help next time not be like last time. A few more, the same issue keeps surfacing in new situations. New season, same issue. You feel stuck even though you've moved on, right? You've moved on from this relationship, but now you're stuck again, and you've moved on from that relationship, and now you're stuck again. This one's the best one out of all of them, their hardship brings satisfaction. Like, has anybody been a cut so much that you're like, man, you take a little bit of pleasure watching them go bankrupt, right? You take a little bit of pressure watching their marriage not work out, like, I've been there, like, it's a foothold. It's a foothold that has been created in our life, and friend, if we don't deal with that, we're not going to move forward. Like, hear my heart, if you don't deal with that, then it doesn't matter what your dreams are for the future. It doesn't matter what you plan to happen. It doesn't matter what you hope for, that you're giving the enemy and you're giving those individuals influence. Not just in your past, but in your future, in the way that you think, you trust, you react. And so Paul's saying here, he's like, listen, there is a decision that has to be made. And that decision is that your past, that it's going to remind you, but it's not going to define you. He says in verse 31, it's like, listen, get rid of all the bitterness, not a little bit of it, all of it. All the rage, all the anger, all the brawling, all the slander, right? The talking about those that have hurt us, you know, getting rid of all of that, every form of malice. I love that because it's like an umbrella statement. Like whatever you come up with, you know, 2,000 years later, that I didn't mention here, if it is wanting something negative to happen to that individual, like all of that too. And what's interesting about this is that when you look at it, it's not a them issue, it's a me issue. Paul doesn't say like once they come to you and they ask for forgiveness,

then you've got to get rid of all the bitterness and the anger. No, he's saying we have to lead it. He's saying you're the one with the power. to let it go. He says in verse 32, he said, so you've got to get to a place where you can be kind, you can be compassionate, where you can forgive. That word forgive means to pardon. It's what a judge does to somebody that's guilty, pardons them. Essentially it's a judge saying you are guilty for what you did, but you don't have to pay for it anymore. And Paul is telling us here that if we don't want a foothold in our life that's going to impact and influence our future, that we've got to be able to get to a place where we are able to pardon. Again, we're not saying they're not guilty or any of that, but we're saying you don't have to pay for it anymore. And friend, that's the only way, that's the only way that you're going to be able to break the chain that keeps holding you back from moving on. It's the only way. Now listen, here's what I know, that if you and I sat down in my office and you shared your story, I'd probably agree with you. I'd probably agree that they don't deserve that. They don't deserve a pardon. But listen, the best thing that you can do for you is to decide. It's to decide to forgive, to pardon, and to release it. Paul drops this last part into verse 32. Personally, I feel like it's like, it's like a, it's like a hook, like Paul's like, okay, I'm going to write all this and they're going to be like, no, they're going to dismiss, dismiss, dismiss. And then so, then he feels like he's got to drop this part, just as Christ God forgave you. You had to do that, didn't you Paul? That's like telling somebody God said, right? It's like, how do you argue with somebody that says God said? And Paul's like, just as Christ God forgave you. He's like, listen, I know it's going to be hard. I know you probably have every right to hold onto the anger that you have, but he said, listen, God had to make a decision too. And his decision was to pardon you. Therefore, as a Christ follower, we have to make a decision to pardon them if we want to move forward. So, I want to give you just real quick, I want to give you kind of four, four steps, four things to think about, to consider. And I would encourage you to write these down or you can tap the dot, they're on the tap dot. First one is this, decide don't feel. If you're going to, if you're going to get rid of the foothold that's in your life around that situation, you have to decide not feel. And this is why

I say that, forgiveness is not a feeling. If you wait until you feel like forgiving that person, you're never going to get there, ever, ever going to get there. Forgiveness is a decision. And here's what you're deciding, you don't owe me anymore. Now, I'm fully aware that you might be sitting in this room or on your couch or Liberty Correctional and you hear that and everything on the inside starts to lock up. Because the whole idea of telling the person that has created this much damage in your life, that they don't owe you anymore, like it might, it might even put you in a situation where you want to come up here and punch the preacher, like I don't know, I don't know. It's a high stage so I'll have a little bit of time to run away if you do, but listen, is it worth it? Is your future or the lack thereof worth allowing that person to have continued influence over it? You got to decide. The second thing is my challenge to you, go first. Go first so that you can go on. Like haven't, haven't you, haven't you been in this season long enough? Haven't you been here long enough? Go first so that you can go on. It doesn't mean that there's reconciliation, forgiveness. That's not what forgiveness is, that there's, that you and that person's going to be best friends or that you have to have any kind of conversation with them whatsoever. That's, and it doesn't mean that there would even be closure. That's not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is movement. It's beginning to take steps away from the continued influence that they have in your life. At the end of the day, it's a cheat code. It's a cheat code to make sure that next time is different than last time. Because friend, if you wait, hear me. If you wait for them to apologize, if you wait for your ex to change their ways, if, if you wait for that professor or classmate or co-worker to acknowledge what they did to you, then you've handed them to control of your future.

It's no longer in your hands, it's in theirs. So go first. Go first so, so that you can, you can go on. The third one. This is very practical, but it's a big deal. You've got to name the debt. This is a private thing between you and God. It's not something you do publicly, but you've got to name your debt. And here's the, here's the reason why you've got to name it, is you can't release what you won't name. That's why, that's why some of you say that you have forgiven them, but it keeps, it keeps popping its head up over and, and over again. It's because you've forgiven them generally, but you've not taken the time to think about what did they take from you? Like what do they, what do they owe you? Did they take, rob you of time? Did they rob you of your reputation? Did they rob you of, of your childhood, of your marriage, money, business? Is it their fault that the scholarship slipped away and now you don't know how you're going to afford college? Did they rob you of, of your ability to be able to put your kids to bed at night? Is it the graduation that, or the graduation party that you never got to experience? The missed out relationships with your mom or dad? Never got to see a parent come to a ball game, come to your recital? Maybe there's some parents here today that they, they robbed you of a child, but you had to, to bury your own kid because of what they did? Your hope for the future, stability in your family, like I know it's painful, I know sometimes that holding on to that pain feels like the only way that you can like somewhat have any sense of control over what happened or the outcome. But I'm telling you today that it's giving them

ongoing influence in your life. And it's impacting you in ways that you don't even realize. Making that list, as painful as it is, making that list, it does something in our heart. It does something powerful when we take that list and we hold it up before God and we decide that you don't owe me anymore. Think about it. Whatever it was that they took from you, whatever it was, chances are they can't pay you back. There's nothing that they can do at this point to pay you back. Like, your dad is never going to be able to give you back your teenage years. Your mom is never going to be able to put you to bed at night every night again. Your kid, your son, your daughter, they're never going to be able to undo the damage that they caused in your life. Your boss is never going to be able to restore what he's taken. And so what Paul's trying to help us see here is he's asking the question, like, how many more sunsets? How many more sunsets will we lug around the luggage of our past? How much longer will we spend waiting to be paid back something that never can be paid back? And so what do we do with that list? We then release it. We have to release it to God. My friend, God did not design you to carry

the weight of unforgiveness in your life. You're not built for that. And because you're not built for that, the longer you carry, the more unforgiveness you carry. You're not built for that. The longer you carry, the more it just, it drags you down. The more it weighs you, the more it influences you in a negative way. And here's what I've learned in my own life is that unfortunately, forgiveness, it's a one-time thing. You're going to have to do it more than once. I wish I didn't have to tell you that, but I'm telling you from experience, you're going to have to do it more than once. Forgiveness isn't like a pair of bolt cutters that allows you to break the chain that is around your heart and your future. It's more like a pry bar. And every time you take that list and every time you say, I decide to forgive, you don't owe me anymore, and you release it to God. Two weeks later, that face, that emotion, that experience pops up again. It's the crowbar. You've got to do it again. And then it's going to pop up again, and you've got to do it again.

And it's going to pop up again at some point, and you've got to do it again. And then you're going to step into a room or a space or somebody's going to say something, and it's going to trigger that experience, the emotion, and it's going to pop up again, and you've got to decide every time. You don't owe me anymore. And, friend, at some point, at some point, you're going to pry that chain one more time. It's going to break. It's going to hit the floor. You're going to feel a release like you've never felt before. And it's going to, all of a sudden, it's like, it's like the light of the future. It's like it's no longer cloudy. And all of a sudden, like you begin to see the future. You begin to see purpose. You begin to see meaning. And what's so crazy is that God then says in His word that when we get to that point, when we're free from the anger and the footholds and all that kind of stuff, we finally get to a place to where we recognize that it's a story worth telling. And God uses you to impact people that are walking through the same thing, that at some point, you get to the place that there's so much inner healing on the inside

that it doesn't hurt to talk about it anymore. Because it's not luggage that you're carrying around, but it's a lesson. And it's a lesson that you're willing to invest in others. How do you know that? How do you know that, Ryan? Because I've lived it. Born to two parents that were drug addicts and alcoholics. Got divorced when I was a kid. A mother who was in and out of prison. Prostitution. I remember the thoughts. The thoughts that I had. The thoughts that my mom goes again, choosing drugs, not me. I remember I didn't grow up in church. One month before I turned 21, God got a hold of my life. And it didn't fix it. It just started the journey. See, I am the one that you would look at as having a decent life. Ah, he's a pastor. What does he deal with? What does he walk through? How was I able to go from all that pain and all that trauma to a life that's willing to talk about it and to dedicate my entire life? Here was the call that God gave me in February of 1997. I am so off script right now, but we're going. Hey. By the time we get to the restaurant, they'll be gone. 1997 of February, I'm standing in the back of the room.

I'd been saved for a month. I'm in the back of the room, and it's some massive conference. And there's like 15,000 youth and young adults. And the lights are down, and worship's going. I'm in the back, and I'm worshiping. I'm gazing across the back of the heads of all of these teenagers and young adults and these people. And the Lord simply just like an impression on my heart. Like, I don't know. It wasn't audible, but I just, you know, when God speaks, like there's sometimes you just know, and he speaks. And he said, Ryan, this is how simple it was. Ryan, I want to use you so that other people don't have to go through. what you went through, that was it. You don't have to keep carrying it. It doesn't have to define you anymore. Life can be different, your future can be different. But it's not going to come because you feel it, it's going to become because you decide.