Relationships | Pastor Adam Peterson

I want to look into the camera and just welcome all of those that are watching online today. So many of you tune in from Jacksonville, outside of Jacksonville, we're so grateful for you. And then every single week, if you're not aware, we broadcast our service to hundreds of correctional facilities across the country. So come on, help me welcome all the men and women there. We say it every week, but you are our church family. We are so grateful for you. Today we are putting a bow on this relationship series, and if you're new to our church, let me get you caught up. If you want to go watch the past messages, you're more than welcome to go to our YouTube page or you can download our Rise Church app. But week one, we kicked off this series and we said, man, an important relationship in all of our lives is our relationship with the church. The Bible calls us the family of God. And I don't know about you, but some of us, our immediate family, our extended family, our blood family, can be a little dysfunctional from time to time. Can I get a good amen? Amen. Now, if you're sitting next to that person right now, just look confused, like, I don't know what you're talking about, but wink at me so I know who you are. Okay. We need the family of God because sometimes our immediate family isn't always the healthiest. And now we're not a perfect church, but what we have here is the presence of God and the spirit of God that lives in us. And there is a love that lives in the people here. This is a safe place and we want you connected to this body. This is not optional. This is oxygen. We are called to love each other.

We are called to encourage each other. We are called to strengthen each other. I'll keep doing some more each others until you start clapping. We are called to build each other up. Every once in a while, we might need to kick each other in the tail and say, come on, let's go. But we need one another. God created us to be in relationships and we don't want you just to kind of show up here from time to time. We want you connected to this house, to this body. And if you've never taken that step to become a member of Rise Church, we call it growth track. It's a two week process. It's literally while you sit here or in overflow, it is taking place in our growth track room. I think we got about a dozen people that are saying today, I want to be a member of this church. I want to give my life here and I want to start using the gifts that God's given me to serve this house. And so if you're interested in that, go to our lobby wall that says next steps and we'll get you signed up for that. But week two, my wife preached a message that was simply this, ma'am, what's the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships? And what we want to commit to is every relationship we're in, we want to make sure we're bringing health to it. So we got to make sure we're healthy. And then we got to also evaluate the relationships in our lives and go, man, are some of these relationships actually unhealthy or some of them, come on, let's use a word that's popular. Are some of them a little toxic today that man, maybe, maybe I need to not cut that person off, but I need to step back and maybe love them from a distance. Come on, somebody go back and listen to that message.

It's so practical yet so spiritual. And then last week we kind of stayed in a very specific lane that maybe didn't apply to everybody, but we talked about marriage and parenting. Just this idea that man, if we want to have a healthy marriage, then we need God at the center of it all. If we want to be the best parents that God has called us to be, we need God to lead us well. And so we're just going to kind of continue in this flow today and just talk about some relationships and just kind of put a bow on everything. But here's what you need to know first and foremost, when it comes to relationships, we serve a relational God. Here's what I mean when I say that. God loves you. All right. If you didn't know God loves you, allow me to be the first person to ever tell you that. God loves you. And honestly, if you're here this morning and you didn't know God loves you, that means you probably don't have a relationship with God. That maybe means that you've never asked God to come into your life. You've never asked Jesus to be your Lord and Savior. He died on the cross for all of your sin, all of your junk, all of your mess. He loves you and he wants a relationship with you. And this is how much he loves you. He looked at the world and he thought, I want to make you. So he starts forming you in your mother's womb. He starts breathing life into you, starts making you uniquely you. He didn't mess up when he made you. He made you perfectly to be you. So when you look in that mirror, you know, this is God. I'm a masterpiece.

Did you check me out? I don't know if you noticed. God did this. All right. Would have liked for him to have kept this, but we'll have that conversation in heaven. But God loves you. And the reason he created you is so that you could have a relationship with him. That's your purpose in life is to know God. And then God's like, man, I actually love you. you so much that not only do I want a relationship with you, but I'm gonna bring some people into your life. I'm gonna weave some amazing people into your life to be a blessing to you. I'm gonna bring you a spouse one day and then maybe some kids one day. And then I'm gonna bring some friends into your life. And I'm gonna bless you. Some of you got blessed with the most amazing parents and siblings and aunts and uncles. Some of you, let's be honest, you got shortchanged by some of those people in your life. And I'm sorry, but there's some spiritual aunts and uncles in this church and some crazy cousins. And that's why the family of God is important, that if you don't have that support in your immediate family, you can find it here. But God loves you and he wants to bring those people in your life. Now, here's also the flip side is true. You ready?

The devil hates you. Okay, and you're like, is the devil real? He's real. All right, we believe everything in this book. And the devil hates God. He rebelled against God. Therefore, now he hates God. He hates everything that God has created, which means he hates you. He doesn't want you to have a relationship with God and he'll do anything he can to keep that from happening. But when that starts to happen, now he wants to come in and go, okay, well, I couldn't keep them from having a relationship with God, so now I just wanna try to destroy every good relationship that's in their lives. And if we're not careful, we'll let him do it. If we're not careful, if we don't keep Jesus at the center of our relationships, we leave an opening for the enemy to come in and destroy our relationships. And for some of you, if you were honest, you would say, I've allowed that to happen. I have some relationships that have been broken and ruined, and I know I played a role in that. Maybe you weren't 100% at fault, but you have a role to play. Listen, I understand that's the case. So what we're trying to say is this, God, were you weren't the center of my life,

would you be the center of my life? We just got done saying it. God, be the center of everything in me. And here's the bow that we're gonna put on this series today. Your relationship with God affects every other relationship in your life. So if God is healthy and alive in me, then I get to bring that to every other relationship in my life. If God is not healthy and he's not alive in me, then that means I bring nothing about God to the relationships in my life. So let's walk through a couple relationships. Come on, how many of you are grateful for friendship? Okay, half of our church is like, I hate friends. All right, you're in the wrong church, man. We'll see you later, okay. One of the things I love about our church is complete strangers showing up here, and they start serving together, they start getting in a group together, and they literally met their best friend. They start hanging out all the time. I see people talking, I'm like, how do y'all know each other? Like, well, we were in a group together, and we hang out, our kids like each other. Like, it's beautiful. Like, if you want friends,

this is where you're gonna find them. Like-minded people also. But friendship, think about this. Your friendships are gonna be better when Jesus is at the center of them. Matter of fact, in my friendships in my life, I just want this to be said of me, that when I walk into a room, people go, yes, Adam's here. We're gonna laugh, we're gonna have fun, and I'm gonna walk away encouraged. Now, if people, when you walk into a room, they leave the room, that should be a signal. Either you didn't put on deodorant this morning, or you're just not pleasant to be around at times. And if that's the case, you need to look inward and go, okay, what is it about me that I'm maybe not building other people up? Maybe you're a critical and negative person, and people are like, I don't wanna be around that. But the friendships in our lives, the type of friend that I wanna be, I am the best friend I can be to people in my life when Jesus is alive in me. And the friends I want in my life are the people where Jesus is alive in them, because they're gonna encourage me, and I'm gonna encourage them. It's this beautiful thing.

It doesn't mean there's not gonna be conflict. Some of our best friends in our life, we have had conflict at times, but because of Jesus, we work through it, come on. That's what Jesus does. We talked about this last week, so I won't hit on it long, but come on, your kids are gonna like you a whole lot more when Jesus is alive and working in you. You're actually gonna be a better parent. Listen, you don't know what you're doing. Don't tell your kids that. Come on, any parent in here be like, nope, I figured it out, right? We're winging this whole thing, right? We're trying to figure it out, but guess what? God brings wisdom. So now I'm looking on going, I don't know how to parent my teenagers, man. They're just in this emotion. phase. Okay, well now God will actually give me wisdom on how to lead them well. I can't do that. I'm a dummy. You're probably less smarter than I am. You no good with words either. You know, we want God at the center of our parenting. We want God at the center of our marriage. We want God at the center of how how I love my spouse. And we're gonna get more into that a little bit today, but the reality is this. I am the best husband when God is alive in me. I am the best husband to my wife when God is at work in my life. But that doesn't just come like I have to seek God. I have to open up this book and get in His Word. I gotta get around other godly husbands. How are you doing it, man? How are you loving your wife? How are you serving her? Like encourage me. Like we need each other. Women, come on, get around some other

godly wives. Like you ever been around women that all they do is just complain about their husbands? Get away from that. That is toxic. You don't need that in your life. We want to build our spouses up. And then the church is simply like, man, when God is alive in me, I bring something to the church. I'm not just here to take, take, take. I'm here to give. And that's not just my role as the pastor. That's your role. You're a part of the body. So when God is at work in you, you look on and go, how can I encourage somebody today? How can I serve others? That's what growth track is all about. You become a member of our church, and then you get on team, and you start serving people. Because what God has done in you is so good that you're like, I gotta do something with it. So God use my life. I don't have much to offer, but here it is, God. I'm gonna serve others. And then I'm not gonna talk on this long, but let me hit on it. Like when God's at work in you, not only will you use your time, but you'll use your resources. And you'll say, God, you've changed my life. Let me give financially to trust you with my finances and sow into this place financially to fuel the mission so that more lives can be changed. And I'm just gonna take the response of you not clapping that many of you are not on mission with us and giving. So we're gonna run the offering one more time. But listen, can I be honest with you? There's a reason why you don't give. And this isn't me to condemn you. This isn't me to shame you. This isn't me to guilt you. But there's a reason why you don't yet give. And you just need to evaluate and go, God, is there something in my heart that you want to change? And I can't do it, but God can. Now this one's not a relationship, but this is a big one. Forgiveness and grace. Forgiveness and grace. How many of you have ever been hurt by somebody? How many of you ever hurt somebody? How many of you ever said something you wish you shouldn't have said? How many of you, somebody close to you, has said something that hurt you? Okay, that was just a show of hands to let you know you're not the only one. In life you're gonna get offended. In life people are gonna hurt you. Here's the reality. It's usually gonna be the people closest to you that do it. And so here's what we do. We don't hold on to bitterness. Because bitterness

eats us away. And God loves you too much. He doesn't want you to carry that. Can I share something with you? This is science. Bitterness will actually start to attack your physical health. So it's God looking at you going, I don't want you physically to walk around with this, and I don't want you spiritually to walk around with this. I want you to walk in freedom. Now forgiveness is not natural. Our natural response is to punch somebody. Our natural response is to say something back to them. Forgiveness isn't natural. It's supernatural. And you might be looking at me going, yeah, well you don't know what they did to me. You're right. I don't know what they did to you. But I know what you did to God. I know what your sin was to God. And you're like, yeah, but they did the same thing over and over. They just kept saying the same thing, kept doing the same thing. Yeah, so did you. We are repeat offenders to God. The same sin over and over and over. And the goodness of God is that he forgives us and he pours out grace upon grace upon grace. Okay? So hear me clearly. Does that person deserve your forgiveness? No. They do not deserve it. But we're not giving it to them because they deserve it. We're giving it to them because we didn't deserve God's forgiveness. He gave it to us. And so we're letting that forgiveness flow in us and through us. Because when we forgive somebody, we set ourselves free. We don't set them free. We're the ones that are walking around bound up. And God's going, oh, no, no, don't give them power over you. Don't let them affect you like that. I want you to walk in freedom. Can I get a better amen? One more time. If you're grateful for the forgiveness and the grace of God in your life,

come on, would you make some noise this morning? Amen. Amen. All right. All right, so let's have a little bit of fun. Crowd participation, you did pretty good earlier. Let's try this together. How many of you, raise your hand if you know you got issues in your life? Amen, amen. And if you didn't raise your hand, that's your issue. Okay, and so we'll work on that later. We all have issues in our life, all right? Now, collectively, everybody take a deep breath. I'm about to give you some wisdom. You ready? Exhale. You are not called to fix other people's issues. You are not the CEO of fixing other people's issues. Here's what I wrote down. You can write it down too. I'm only responsible for my issues. How many of you have ever tried to fix somebody? Raise your hand if it worked. Raise your hand if you're like, I'm not done yet. It might, give me more time. You can't fix people. You can't change people. There's nothing you can do. You can try, you might see some small changes,

but you can't, so what we're saying is this. God, I can't change them, so God, change me. I'm not responsible for them, but I am responsible for me, and I want you the center of my life, because when you're the center of my life, all of my relationships get better, and so God, would you change me? I want to be responsible for my own issues. Now, come on, another show of hands, participation. How many of you would say you have a hard time admitting when you're wrong? Some of y'all had a hard time raising your hand on that when you're like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to admit that I'm wrong. Some of you didn't raise your hand at all, because you're like, I'm not doing it. I'm never wrong. We know who you are. How many of you sometimes will blame other people for your wrong actions? Well, the only reason I responded this way was because they did this. The only reason I said that was because they said that. That's what children do. Welcome all the adult children in the room. So my wife and I had a moment last week. I would call it a disagreement of sorts, okay, where we kind of just didn't see eye to eye. And because we didn't see eye to eye, there was a disagreement and it started small

and just, you know how it goes. You just slowly, slowly built and built and built. And here's the reality. She thought I was wrong. I knew she was wrong. And so for about 30 minutes, we sat there and what we did was what any normal couple do. We just pointed out how each other was wrong. And for me, I heard her talking, but I wasn't listening. She's saying something. I'm sure she has a good point, but I don't have time to listen to her because I'm too busy formulating my turn. And I'm gonna be respectful and I'm not gonna cut her off. Say what you wanna say, but I got a zinger. You just wait. You just wait until you're done talking because I'm coming right at you. Wham! And I start lawyering up and proving my point and why she's wrong and blah, blah, blah. But here's what I know. She wasn't listening to anything that I was saying because I could see her in her mind. She's thinking about what she's gonna say. So I didn't stop talking for a while because I had a lot on my mind. About 30 minutes go by. We're back and forth, back and forth. Now, none of the kids are home.

So it's just, you know, when the kids aren't there, that's when it's real good, you know, because you can just get after it. 30 minutes go in and I step back from the conversation and the Holy Spirit just starts. And I step in and I go, hey, babe, this is spiritual. The enemy's trying to tear us apart. The man of God did that. That's right, that's right. For 30 minutes, I wasn't a man of God. I was just me, but boom, in that moment. And it's something that we do in our relationship. Sometimes she's the one that says it. Sometimes I'm the one that says it, but we always get to the point where we go, hey, this is spiritual. And in that moment, whichever one of us says it, the other. person doesn't want to hear it. You're like, I know it's spiritual, but I'm mad at you right now. And what we had to do, and this has been the secret sauce of our relationship. We're going on 20 years of marriage. This is the secret sauce, you ready? We have to decide, are we gonna fight each other? Are we gonna fight for each other? Are we gonna fight each other? Or are we gonna fight the real enemy? So when we say this is spiritual,

what we mean is the enemy doesn't want us walking in unity. So he's gonna do anything he can to divide us. Now, the reality is most of the time we're arguing, it's cause I'm a moron, okay? Yet it's still spiritual. So I can say the wrong thing and yes, it's my fault, but it's still spiritual because the enemy takes the wrong thing that I said, or the wrong thing that she said, or the wrong way that I felt it, or the wrong way that she misinterpreted what I was trying to say, and that's when the enemy comes in and goes, I'm gonna take that small disagreement, that small thing that you don't see eye to eye on, and I'm gonna make it even bigger. And if you're not careful, you'll start reaching five years ago and you'll start lobbing past grenades in, well, 10 months ago you said this and five years, that's why forgiveness is important. The enemy wants to do anything he can to destroy you. So you gotta be able to acknowledge, this is a spiritual fight, I'm not gonna fight against my kids, I'm not gonna fight against my siblings, I'm not gonna fight against my parents, I'm not gonna fight against my coworkers, especially that coworker that doesn't even know Jesus, like stop fighting them, fight the real enemy,

and say God, I need you to work in me. And so what we did after that, after we both calmed down a little bit, instead of pointing out the wrong in each other, we humbled ourselves and we took responsibility for the wrong that we had done. Hey, I'm sorry when I said this, I know that was hurtful. I actually knew it would hurt you when I said it, that's why I said it, because I was mad. And then she would humble herself, hey, and I'm sorry for how I responded, I shouldn't have done that, and then I said, I'm sorry, and now it's just who can outdo each other saying sorry. And that's a good place to be. And what I'm trying to tell you is this, every time there's a disagreement, stop pointing out everything that they're doing wrong, and you take, you can't make them see your point of view, but you can take responsibility. And I'll tell you right now, there's been times where I've apologized to this woman for things I didn't think I did wrong, but it doesn't matter, because I don't care if I'm right in the argument. I don't care if I win the, if I win the argument, but I hurt her in the process, did I win? No.

No, so stop trying to prove your point to win the argument that you're right, and just love the person that's across from you, that you really do care about, and bring Jesus back into the center of that relationship. Amen. All right, Jesus said it like this in John 15. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit, we'll talk about that in just a second, if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. He goes on to say this. Yes, I'm the vine. Jesus says, I'm the vine, you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce, say it with me, much fruit. Not just a little bit, much fruit. For apart from me, you can do nothing. Jesus said, I'm the vine. I'm the one who has the roots in the ground that makes this thing alive, and you're the branch. As long as you stay attached to the vine, me, you're gonna produce fruit. But if you cut yourself off from that, nothing good's gonna come out of you. Nothing good. And if you're like, well, what's the fruit? I want much fruit in my life. That sounds amazing.

What's the fruit? Come back next week. That's what we call a teaser. Because next week we're launching a brand new teaching series. We're calling it Juicy Fruit. Come on, raise your hand if you know anything about Juicy Fruit, let's go, let's go, come on. We're calling it Juicy Fruit, and we're gonna talk about the fruit of the spirit. The fruit of the spirit that's found in Galatians chapter five that says this, that the Holy Spirit of God, only the Holy Spirit of God, not you, not me, we can't do it, it's only God, produces this kind of fruit in our lives. What is the fruit? Oh, I'm so glad you asked. Every single week we're gonna talk about one of these fruits. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Somebody say, that's some good fruit. That's good fruit. And I'm telling you, if your relationships were filled with this, how healthy would they be? But again, I'm not responsible for the Holy Spirit doing it in you. I'm only responsible for the Holy Spirit doing it in me. So Holy Spirit, I need to stay close to your word.

I need to stay on my knees in prayer to you. I need to humble myself. I need to seek you, because if I don't stay connected to the vine, I can't produce any of this in my life on my own. I gotta stay connected to you so that you can do it in me and through me. And we're gonna say this all throughout the series, so make sure you don't get tired of hearing it. The fruit that the Holy Spirit's gonna produce in you, it's not for you. It's to bless the relationships of people in your life. Now, how many of you are really good at seeing the fault in others? Yeah, I'm really good at it too. That's why Jesus gave us this verse. He said, why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and you pay no attention to the two-by-four plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, hey, let me take that little speck out of your eye when all the time you're walking around with a big old plank in your own eye? You hypocrite! Try that the next time you're in an argument. You're a hypocrite, Jesus said it! I can say it, don't do that, it won't work. He said, first, you gotta get the plank out of your own eye, what are you doing? You're saying, God, change me.

God, I know my issues, God, change me. Get the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly, here it is, to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Again, this isn't you pointing it out in them, this is you helping remove it out of their life. I'm so grateful for my wife. I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Eight times out of 10, when she points out something in me, she's doing it to help me. The other two times, it's critical, but the eight times is good. I just have to make sure when she points it out on me that I receive it, because the only reason she's pointing it out on me is to help me. Hey, I noticed when you were talking to the kids, you kind of raised your voice a little bit, and I could be like this and go, well, I had to raise my voice, they weren't listening! I could get defensive and justify my actions, or I could go, oh, you're just trying to help me right now. That's what we're called to be for one another, because she's not perfect, she's not coming and going, I do it right all the time. She's saying, I just wanna help you in this moment. So we're acknowledging, I got my own issues, but we're to help one another get the plank and the sawdust and everything else out of their own, all the junk out, like we're helping one another.

That's what God has called us to be together, but it only happens when we bring Jesus, come on, Jesus to the center of our relationships, amen? All right, Pastor Jonathan, come up, we're gonna close out. We're gonna close out with what I would call a honest moment in the Bible. Aren't you grateful that the Bible isn't just this perfect picture of everybody's lives, that it gives us all the dirty details of people's faults and everything? Makes us feel like, okay, we're not the only ones. All right, we're gonna look at David, and we're gonna look at this honest moment where David, he's having a bad day, he's ticked, he's angry, he's not happy. And there's some people that have been coming against the name of God, trying to come against the Israelites who are the people of God, and this is what David says in Psalm 139. Oh God, this is a good prayer. If only you would destroy the wicked, that person at your job that you don't like, don't pray this, okay. He says, get out of my life, you murderers. They blaspheme you, God. They're your enemies, and they misuse your name. He says, Lord, shouldn't, like he's almost like asking for permission. Lord, shouldn't I hate those who hate you?

Shouldn't I despise those who oppose you? And then he just answers his own question, that's hilarious. He's like, yep, I'm gonna do it. I hate them with total hatred. Tell us how you really feel, David. For your enemies, they're my enemies. And I don't know what happened. Maybe our boy David took a nap. Maybe he had a cup of coffee. Maybe he just was like, I need to eat something. I don't know what happened. But a shift takes place in the following verses, because he stops pointing at them. God, would you search me? I'm picked at them. I'm mad, I don't want, I don't like them. But God, search me. Know my heart. Test me. Know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me. God, I know I'm not perfect. I know they got issues, and their issues are probably worse than mine, but I know I got stuff too. I got sin in my own life. Lead me in the way everlasting. Can we get to a place, church, where we go, I want my relationships in my life to be healthy, but the healthiest relationships in my life will come when I'm healthy. The healthiest relationships in my life will come when Jesus is at the center of my life. Now here's the frustrating part about preaching. Frustrating. Oh my gosh. Some of you guys are gonna hear everything I said, and then do nothing with it. You're not gonna make Jesus the center of your life. Therefore, your relationships aren't gonna get better, and I'm gonna grab you by the throat and go, what are you doing? What are you

doing? The people in your life don't need more of you. They need more of God in you. Less of you. More of Him. Your kids don't need more of you. They need more of God in you. Your spouse doesn't need more of you. More of God in you. Your friends. They need more of God in you. So for the love, make Him the center. I mean, it's gonna bless you. Yes, it will bless you. But it will bless every relationship. 20 years. Our marriage is so blessed. Not because of me. Not because of her. Because of God in us. My friendships. I'm so grateful for the friendships. They're blessed. Not because of me. Not because of them. Because of God in us. And I want that for you so bad. But guess what? I can't do it for you. If I could, I would wrap my hands around your neck. If that was it, I'd do it right now. I'd just line you up. I'm not gonna lay hands. I'm gonna throw hands. Like, that's what we're gonna do today. But it don't work. It doesn't work, or else I'd have already done it. But a heart submitted to God, that works every time. Let me speak in closing to this one idea that I just felt like the Lord put on my heart last night. Some of you, you have some broken relationships in your life. And the reason they're broken is because Jesus is at the center of your life. But the people you were in relationship with, He's not at the center of their life. And the reason that that relation, if you've ever wondered why, like, why does this relationship just doesn't feel like it works anymore? It's because you're going in opposite directions. It can't work. We've had that in our lives. Friends. No longer friends. Now the hope and the prayer is this. Oh God, they would put you back at the center. And maybe God would restore that relationship. Maybe. But here's what I know about God. If that relationship doesn't get restored, He'll bring somebody else along to be that same blessing, to be that same encouragement, to push you more towards Him. And as a church, we want to be that for you. We want to be that for you. Would you hold your hands out like this? We do this not to be weird. We do it as a posture just to say, God, we want to receive from you. If there's something you want to give, we want to receive it. So I want to pray over you right now. God, thank you for every person in this room, every person in our overflow room, every person

watching online. God, we want you to be the center of our lives so our hearts and our hands and our minds are open to you. Change us. Reveal to us the things in our lives that need to change. Hey, here's the thing. You probably already know what it is. So surrender that to God right now. And tomorrow, surrender it again. And over and over and over. God, make us more like you. Not just for us, but for the people in our lives. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen? Amen.