Quit Complaining | How to Happy | Twin Rivers Church

We have just entered into a brand new series called How to Happy. And if you were to ask anyone what they want out of life, most people would reduce it down to I just want to be happy. But the problem is, is the thing we are searching for, we don't seem to be able to grasp. Statistics show we are about as unhappy collectively as we have ever been. And I think it's because we keep looking in the wrong places. We think it's in people and purchases and experiences, but listen, happiness is a spiritual reality. I like to say it this way, you cannot omit God and obtain happiness. So we're in a series seeing what scripture has to say. And let me just say, scripture shows that there are some deep theological truths about happiness we're going to get to. There are also experiences that you can have with the living God that kind of preserve happiness. But there's also just some really practical instructions in scripture. And so today I want to give you one of the most practical, essential if you will, a key to preserving your happiness. And I've got a very creative title. Here's the title, Quit Complaining. Quit Complaining. There was a man who had nearly lost his hearing. He was in his later years and went to the doctor and the doctor said, well, he said, we've got some brand new super hearing aids. He said, and they're not even on the market yet, but I'm going to let you try them. He said, I'm going to give them to you over the weekend. I want you to wear them and then come back on Monday. Tell me how they did. So the man took these home, very excited to be able to hear again. And when he went through the weekend, he came back on Monday to the doctor and the doctor said, well, how did you like them?

He said, ah, they worked fine. He said, oh, they didn't give you your hearing? He said, yeah, they did. And the doctor could tell the man was agitated and he couldn't figure out because he had gained his hearing. So he said, well, what did your family think about them? The man said, well, I didn't tell my family. I just sat there all weekend and listened to them. He said, I don't want these anymore. And he said, by the way, do you know a good lawyer? I need to change my will. Now your words, more than anything else, affect the will of God in your life. As a matter of fact, I would say this, of all the speech habits you can have, complaining will remove you from what God wants you to inherit more than anything else. And that's concerning because generally speaking, we are a very complaining people. And we're so good at complaining, we have nuanced complaining. You know, for example, there are whiners. These are the people that, I mean, nothing good can happen to them without them whining about it. You know, if they won the lottery, they'd whine about having to hold that big check for the picture. You know, all the Wi-Fi's went out, it's too hot, it's too cold, it's too late, this is taking too long. I mean, they're the whiners. Then you've got what I would call the pity party. The pity partiers are the people who feel underappreciated, overlooked. You know, these are the people that, you know, well, it must be nice that you got to go there. It must be nice you got to work there. You know, it must be nice that you've had this experience. You read these people's social media, you'll need therapy afterwards, okay?

Then we've got the cynics. They think everything's negative. They've never seen it. The glass is not half full, it's not half empty. It's a dirty dish that only they have to wash in life. And then we have what I call the competitive complainers. These are the people that if you've got something bad, they got it worse. Oh, you think that's bad? Let me tell you about my job. Let me tell you about how my kids act. I mean, if complaining was an Olympic sport, they're gold medalists, these people. We're so nuanced in our complaining because it's so frequent, and if you want to see all of it combined in scripture, you need to go to the Exodus. The children of Israel, if you know the story, were slaves in Egypt for 400 years. They cried out to God for deliverance, and God heard them, and he sent a man named Moses. And through a supernatural provision, God delivers them from the world's superpower, and then gives them the promised land, which was a fertile place that they could set up a new nation. But there's a pattern that emerges as you read this story, where basically God provides and they complain, and it happens over weeks and months. As a matter of fact, I'll just tell you real quick through it. God brings them out of Egypt, and then they complain when they get to the Red Sea. So then God provides by splitting the Red Sea, and then delivers them into the wilderness, and then as soon as they get in the wilderness, they complain there's no water. So then God provides water miraculously through a rock, and then they complain, God, there's no food. So then God provides miraculously something called manna for them to eat every day, and after eating it for a few weeks, they complain to God because now they're tired of manna and want something different. So then God provides them quail something different and then they come to God with a whole new set of complaints about the leaders that

He's placed over them and this goes back and forth back and forth their cycle of never-ending negativity Until you get to numbers chapter 14 verse 29 when God has had enough and He announces because you have complained against me Every one of you who is 20 years old or older that was included in this account or this registration will die You will not enter the enter and occupy the land. I swore to give you at this announcement progress stops no more promised land on the table and these 20 years older 20 years old and older are Left in a wilderness for the next 40 years How powerful is complaining it caused 2 Million people to lose their life and never inherit the promise that God had for them Now when we read this we have a tendency to think well, man, this is kind of a mega punishment for a minor infraction Because you complain so common to us. We just don't think it's that big a deal But to God he's showing them that the way you see complaining in the way I see complaining are very different Ultimately you think when you complain you're just complaining about the object of your complaint the weather your job a Situation but God doesn't hear it that way. He hears it as that you're complaining about him And I can show it to you look at that verse again. It says because you have complained against me Never once do they actually complain about God verbatim. They complain about his provision They complain about his leaders or his timetable, but God see this is an important for us It shows us that when we complain we think it's about something but God says no, it's about me Because though we say we're complaining about a situation. God says all situations come through my hand of sovereignty Therefore every complaint is ultimately against me and for most of us We just don't realize how significant this is that that in fact These small complaints have big ramifications when it comes to the spiritual reality of them, for example Complaining first makes us blind to God's goodness When you when you read this story, it's almost laughable how much the children of Israel complain I mean they literally watch God release ten supernatural plagues to cripple

They're the one Egypt who's enslaved them. They watch God split a sea They watch God provide for them week in week out through food and water and yet they get up and complain about it They complain about what God's not provided and what he's not given. It's funny They're standing in a blessing complaining about a lack of blessing Which seems odd until you consider you're fussing about gas prices in the car. God blessed you with or that you're Complaining about your co-workers at the job You asked God to give you or there's you're standing in a closet Complaining you got nothing to wear surrounded by all the things God's blessed you to wear Standing in blessing complaining about a lack of blessing and The reason you say well, how is that even possible? Well, here's how because when you start to complain you become blind to God's blessing. You just don't see it anymore You don't see all that he's done. You don't see what he's done in the past You don't see what he's providing the present. You literally become blind to the goodness of God The second thing complaining does is that it evicts God's presence, you know, Kayla and I've been married for nearly 19 years now and I'll get in a bad mood every once in a while and it used to be that she tried to console me and but now What she does is when she recognized I'm in a bad mood She'll just make sure the fridge is stocked. Tell me to watch a movie and she leaves and goes and does something else and And you know, it took me a little bit to get on to it But here's what I realized that she's like I ain't putting up with it till you get back in a better mood Cuz ultimately what I say drives her presence away Well, the same thing's true in your relationship with the Holy Spirit Psalm 22 verse 3 But you are holy. Oh God you inhabit the praises of your people So if God is invited by praise, he's evicted by complaining And the reality is when you and I complain consistently what we're saying to the Holy Spirit is you're not welcome here and here's why is because complaining ultimately is an expression of a lack of thankfulness or a lack of faith If you complain you just ultimately aren't grateful for what you're in or what what's brought you here

And you're also you don't see that it could get any better We'll see praise is the opposite of that when you think when you praise God you're expressing faith that he he's in control that he's He's got good things that are coming and you're also grateful for the things he's already done Well, when you're complaining, you're doing the exact opposite. It's important that you know that because, I want you to hear me, you cannot outpray what you say. Some of you are wanting God to inhabit your business, inhabit your marriage, you want him to inhabit your parenting, but he's nowhere near it because of your constant complaining. Your words are literally evicting the very thing you're praying for. And then finally, complaining, if you look at the story, it ultimately halts God's promises. Most people don't know this, but they spent 40 years in the wilderness. If you have ever pulled out a map and looked at the journey, it actually should have only taken 11 days. 11 days is what they should have spent in the wilderness. It's interesting, the word in Hebrew for complaining, you know what it means? To lodge or camp. When we complain, we camp in the place we are and there's no more moving forward. It means when you're complaining, your parenting can't get any better. When you're complaining, your marriage is not going to move forward. When you're complaining, your career is stuck. Because the way you are using your words, just like the children of Israel, you have decided to camp at that place based on your complaints. And this isn't just based on what you say to other people, even what you hold in your own heart and say to yourself. You know, obviously the ministry here has grown over the last several years, and so energy management has become something that I've had to look into. I mean, I've been, you know, last weekend I would have preached six times. And so I have to, you know, there was this pattern kind of emerging a year or two ago where it was, I just found myself really tired. And I had to kind of, you know, recognize, okay, I may need to nap more.

I may need to take less meetings, different things like that. But also in that season, I got used to saying, man, I'm tired. I would say it all the time. When I was with Caleb, man, I'm tired. When I was coming to the office, man, I'm tired. I just was saying it all the time. Even when I wasn't saying it to other people, I was saying it to myself. Well, one day I got up and I was, you know, going through the motions of starting my day, and in my mind I just went, man, I'm tired. And all of a sudden I heard the Holy Spirit say, from what? And I just paused and I considered that, first of all, it was the morning, and I had just woken up. I'd had eight hours of sleep. Second, I hadn't preached that weekend, and I hadn't taken any meetings that weekend. But the first thing I did that morning is say, man, I'm tired. And then it dawned on me, I feel tired because I go around saying I'm tired all the time. You see, here's what the Bible says when it comes to if you have energy, that you need God's strength to do what you're called to do. Listen, here's what the scriptures say. It says you've been given everything you need to live a godly life according to your knowledge of him. It says that the same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is active in your mortal body. Both of those promises tell me that I've got enough energy to do exactly what God's called me to do. But I felt like I had no energy. You know why? Because your words are either building a bridge or a barrier to every promise God's got for you. Right now, every person here is sitting on an edge of a promise of God. And your words are either building a bridge that lets you walk into that promise or a

barrier that is going to keep you from that promise. The way you complain puts up a wall that keeps you from the promises of God. And you need to understand because ultimately complaining ceases the grace of God in your life. You're just not going to see grace flow when you're complaining. And you need grace. You can't do it without grace. It's grace that activates your spiritual gifts. It's grace that renews your mind. It's grace that orders your steps. It's grace that connects you to the right people. It's grace that keeps you from going to the wrong place. You need the grace of God, but complaining causes the grace of God to stop flowing in your life. Which means you can have a great promise, but you'll never inherit it because your words are keeping you from it. And so maybe you're here today and you're going, hey, well then how do I stop complaining because I feel like this thing's a wheel that I can't get kind of reined in. Well, the key to changing a complaining pattern is this. Is to recognize that complaining is not a speaking problem, it's a thinking problem. Let me show it to you in scripture. In Philippians chapter four, verse eight, fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and dwell on the fine good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for and be glad about. Now let's pause and say that if it was natural that you thought on all these good things, the scriptures wouldn't teach you or instruct you to do that. And if your thinking wasn't broken, Paul wouldn't have wrote, fix your thought thinking. So it tells me that ultimately what you say is a product of how you think. And so therefore we start with our thinking and, you know, modern.

A neurology supports this, that your brain was built for efficiency. That ultimately, when you think something, it releases a neurological bridge and it tries to make a connection so that if you think that again, your brain does it even faster next time. Well, with repeated thoughts, the more you repeat them, the more that bridge is strengthened to ultimately, you can almost do something without even thinking. Well, guess what happens when you complain once, twice, three times, again and again? Ultimately, your brain goes, oh, this is a pattern we want to keep doing until eventually your preset is pessimism and it almost becomes natural to think negative. And that's how research shows us people can be in great seasons, in experiences that should make them happy and they're not because they've trained their brain to complain. So the question is, how do you retrain your brain to not complain? And so I want to get really practical. I'm going to give you three things, three very practical steps that if you immediately put them into action, you can retrain your brain not to complain. Here's the first one. Start the day right. Start the day right. In May 2014, Admiral William McRaven stood in front of a graduating class of the University of Texas and giving the commencement speech. He announced to the world that if you want to change the world, start by making your bed. Now, that seems very small and almost a little ridiculous. Why would making my bed have anything to do with changing the world? But we have to acknowledge that Admiral McRaven may know what he's talking about considering his success. He's one of the most decorated military officers in the U.S. history, overseeing a special command. He's a New York Times bestselling author. But why would he say if you want to change the world, you start by making your bed?

Because how you start your day sets the tone for the rest of your day. And ultimately what he was saying is, is a completed task sets you on course to complete more tasks. Well, the truth is, most of us never consider how we start our day. We don't, we're not intentional about it. We don't put effort into it. And so most of us wake up and say, oh Lord, it's morning. Instead of good morning, Lord, and that little nuance decides what the rest of your day is going to be like. You see, the Bible tells us that the morning is very, very, very special, that it sets course for us. And that's why scripture instructs us to do two specific things the minute you wake up. Before anything else, do these two things. The first one's this, enter God's presence. Psalm 59, 16, look at this. It says, but as for me, I will sing about your power each morning. I will sing with joy about your unfailing love. Right out of the gate, we're told you need to worship first thing in the morning. I mean, the first thing you need to do is start thanking God for his goodness, to declare his qualities. Maybe you want to sing your favorite song. I'd encourage you to lift your hands or get on your knees. Enter God's presence with worship as soon as you start. Here's why. You'll notice you cannot worship and complain at the same time. Additionally, though, what I've noticed is when we start our day in worship, we're more apt to worship throughout our day. And when you're more apt to worship throughout your day, here's what you'll notice. God does more work throughout your day because he works in an atmosphere of worship. Listen, if you want to see God do things throughout your day, supernatural things, you want to

see his grace, his wisdom, you want to see divine connections, start your day in worship. And watch as that atmosphere is created, you give God something to work with. Also, though, you don't want to just enter God's presence, you also need to erase yesterday. The Bible says his mercies are new every morning. Why would God give us mercy every morning? Because we need a fresh start. Most of what you complain about is tied to something that didn't go right in the past. You know, when somebody cut you off in traffic yesterday and you're still thinking about it today. You know, something went wrong at your office last week and you're still carrying it today. Someone disappointed you, you know, a month ago and here it is still with you today. The fact is when you don't erase yesterday, you allow complaints to grab on to all of the things that frustrate you. And they become the power for your complaining. So what happens is when we decide we're going to erase yesterday, when we're going to embrace that God, this is a new day, something significant happens, we take away complaints' powers to connect to what's happened in the past. You know, NFL Hall of Famer Emmett Smith is the all-time leading rusher in the NFL. He rushed for 18,355 yards. He was asked about his secret to success and he said, well, one of my secrets is this. He said, I give myself what's called the 24-hour rule. He says, whether we won or we lost, I only give myself 24 hours to experience it. 24 hours to celebrate wins, 24 hours to lament losses. And then he said this. By separating myself from the past, I can be fully focused on the present. Listen, you need to wake up every day regardless of what happened and say, God, I'm separating myself from that, and I'm gonna enter your presence.

I need to take on a fresh start today. I'm racing yesterday so that today I can see what you're gonna do in my life. Here's the second one is that you need to see the situation, the one you're complaining about, another way. In psychology, it's called cognitive reappraisal, but here's what it ultimately means is is that you have the ability to see it another way. Let me say, you can see what's lacking, or you can see what already God's provided. You can see how far you have to go, or you can see how far you've come. Then it's your choice, and this is so powerful. You can see it in the life of the children of Israel. You know, as I mentioned, God fed them in the wilderness with something called manna. Manna was a substance that has never been recreated because it wasn't created on earth, it was created in heaven. If you read the scriptures, it showed up every day ready for them to eat. We don't know exactly what it was made of or how that it was crafted because it was divine. Let me say it this way. Every day they woke up to heaven-serving breakfast. It was a miracle, yet it did not take them long to go, we're tired of this. So listen, they looked at a miracle and said, no, that's just manna.

I wonder what you're looking at that's a miracle. And say, well, that's just manna. It's not the fact that it isn't a miracle, it's just the way you see it is just manna. You see, we have to recognize that as believers, we see with our physical eyes and the eyes of our faith. You have the ability to see every situation two ways. You see it as it is, and as God has promised it will be. That's why Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5.18, I want you to see this. He says, give thanks, here, every campus, I want you to help me with these two words. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Now notice, notice, he did not say give thanks for all circumstances. He said in all circumstances. And that's important because some of you have some really difficult things going on right now. It doesn't say thank God for the bankruptcy. It doesn't say thank God for the breakup. It doesn't say, hey, you need to go walk in and thank God for this diagnosis. No, it says thank God in this bankruptcy. Thank God in the breakup. Thank God in this diagnosis. Why? Because you know God's not done yet. Because you see the difficulty with your physical eyes, but with the eyes of faith, you recognize

God works all things together for the good of those who are called according to his purpose and love him. This week, I was in Los Angeles for an event commemorating the 120th year of the Azusa Street outpouring. If you're unfamiliar, you should look it up sometime. But basically, 120 years ago, the Holy Spirit poured out in such a profound way on Azusa Street in Los Angeles, that it literally shaped faith in America and around the world for the next 120 years. Much of the theology and much of the organizations that exist today in the Christian world tie back to what God did at Azusa. Well, we were there commemorating it, and I was in one of the services, and I noticed in front of me was a man named David. I don't know David really well, but I know who he is and the ministry that he leads. Before the service, someone had told me that David was gonna be there, and they said that David had recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. And so, in the service, when I saw him, my heart went out to him, but then I also just started kinda watching him, recognizing that he's going through this difficulty. And here's what I saw. David's worship was as passionate as anybody in the room. His hands were raised. His voice was loud.

When people were preaching, he was clapping and amening them. When we were singing, he was tears streaming down his face, physically jumping. I mean, he was as involved as anybody, and I thought to myself, if anybody has an excuse not to be here, it's David. If anybody has an excuse to just sit there and not physically demonstrate worship, it's David. And you see something like that, and you start thinking, well, is he naive? I mean, is he in denial? Has he not seen the lab results? No, he's seen the lab results, but he's also seen that he has a God who takes crucifixions and turns them into resurrections. He also sees that he has a God who takes ashes and turns it to beauty. He also sees, despite what the diagnosis is, that his God works all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purposes. Listen, I know you got some difficult things going on, but listen, it's time for you to see not just with your physical eyes, but with the eyes of faith. It's time for you to see it another way. Listen, you're not healed yet. You're not out of debt. yet. You've not found the right one yet. You're not there yet.

Just because you're not there doesn't mean that God's not working it out for your good because God doesn't leave things undone or unfinished. God is one who completes things. He who begins a good work is faithful to complete that work. Listen, you're not there yet, but you can see that God is still working. See that situation another way. Now here's the last one is that, and I think it might be the most important one, which is to slow down and count your blessings. I recently learned that Orthodox Jews are instructed to give a minimum of a thousand blessings a day. Blessings that are acknowledging all gamuts of life. For example, in a meal, they would give a blessing at the beginning of the meal, in the middle of the meal, and at the end of the meal. For example, fresh bread, it gets two blessings, both for the taste and the smell. Ultimately what they're taught is this, is that anyone who experiences something from God's world and doesn't bless him for it has embezzled that from God. One author put it this way, you can take things for granted or you can take them for gratitude. There's something powerful in that because Psalm 34 one reads this way, I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall, help me with this word, every campus continually be in my mouth. Now, this seems poetic, but I actually think it's practical because here's what I've noticed. If his praise is continually in my mouth, guess what can't be in my mouth? Complaining. This isn't just something poetic, this is saying, hey, if you'll just keep blessing the Lord, you're not going to have any room to complain about what's going on. The cure for complaining is counting your blessings. Now, I was thinking about you this week and here's what I think about you. I don't think that

you complain because you're not blessed. I know you're blessed. And I don't think you complain because you're not grateful for the blessings because I think you're grateful. I think you complain for another reason. And the best way I could explain it is this. Years ago when our oldest kids were very young, we had kind of this tradition where we would pull them all in the same bedroom, put them in the bed and we would read them a Bible story or a scripture every night and then we would let each one of them pray. And you know how it is. I mean, this is one of my favorite things to do with my kids. But every once in a while, you kind of come to the end of a week and you're tired and you want to get through this and get them in bed as quick as possible because you're worn out. And I remember one particular night that I felt that way. It had been a long, long, long week and so I just wanted to kind of quickly get them in bed. So I picked John 1135, Jesus wept. There we go, kids, let's pray. And I remember that we let Sidney pray first and she prayed a nice little prayer. We prayed for Peppa Pig that night. Peppa's covered, you know. Then we went to Sawyer and Sawyer said this, thank you Jesus for today. Amen. I thought that's my boy. Come on now. Straight to the point, concise. I'm on my way to the recliner. Then we got to Ellie and Ellie lights into a prayer that sounded like a speech given on the State of the Union. She thanked God. Jesus, thank you today for my family. Mommy and Daddy and Sidney and Sawyer and Mimi and Pops and Nina and Papa and Rachel. I mean down the family tree, across the street, neighbors, people we pass at the store. And then just as I think she's about to be done, then it's, and thank you Jesus for my toys, Play-Doh and stuffed animals, Etch A Sketch, My Little Pony, the pink one and

the white one. You know, we're all the way down. Then I think, okay, we're on our way home. And Jesus, thank you for the trees and the flowers and the butterflies and playgrounds. Lord have mercy. I'm just sitting there in my head trying to, my faith's gone. I'm done. She finally comes to the end. We put her to bed. And as I'm exiting her room, going down a set of stairs that was in his home, I just heard the Lord say, you know, Ellie could teach you something about prayer. And immediately I just got this sense from the Lord that the reason Ellie prays that way is because her eyes allow her to see the goodness of God at a level of detail with which I was not seeing it. And what really impressed me in this is that Ellie could see that way and I couldn't because I was going, basically I was just living way too fast. I don't think you're not blessed and I don't think you're not grateful, I just think your life may be too loud and too chaotic for you to count your blessings. And I wrote this in my journal, God is too good for it to go unnoticed. Do you know how many blessings he gives you every single day? More than you can count. He's too good for it to go unnoticed. And if you'll slow down and start to take inventory of his goodness, here's what you're going to find. You are way more blessed than you realize. And the more that you count those blessings, the less words you have to issue as complaints. Listen, some of you are miserable because of your mouth. And if you want to be happy, you better get a handle on your words. People who are grateful, they're happier. And so what you've been searching for is found in the way you speak.