Notice the Good in Your Friends | Crossroads Students

Hey, my name is Shanna, and I believe that words can build or break worlds. Here's what I mean. There's a saying, you may have heard this before, called, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. And I think that that is the biggest lie somebody can ever tell you. Liar! I mean that with my whole heart. I think that words have weight. They are powerful. Somebody could give you a compliment that could change your entire day and make you feel on top of the world. I remember when I was in 8th grade, I had just gotten a new pair of boots. I thought they were cool, don't get me wrong. But when my crush said, hey, those are cool shoes. You want to know what shoes I wore every single day for a month? Those exact shoes. But on the opposite end, sometimes people can say things to us that are so mean that it can break us. It could be five words, but you remember them for five years. One time somebody told me that I talk too much. You want to know what I didn't do for the next five years? I didn't say anything unless somebody asked me a question. I felt crushed because of the way that it was said to me. Words have weight. And here's the thing, when we talk about core memories, words, things that are said to us can be a huge part of that memory. And core memories are filled with people who help make those memories shine. But I wonder if the way that we use our words are actually being encouraging to someone. Are they actually making them a part of their core memories or do our words typically tear people down?

Here's what I mean. I think we like to joke with our friends a lot. It's really fun. Like, that's part of what makes friendships feel fun is when we're joking around. But sometimes we joke around with our friends so much that that is, like, the only thing that we do. And I mean, like, some of you are professionals at roasting your friends. The moment that they walk into the room weird, you've got three jokes lined up and ready to go. But I wonder if you were to stack against each other all the moments that you have made fun of your friends, made a joke, done something silly, alongside of the encouraging things that you've said to them, the kind things, the compliments, the things that might build them up. I wonder how your friend would feel about themselves based on how you speak to them. I wonder if they were to give you a nickname based off of the way that you speak to them, if they would be like, wow, that's my best friend, they're so encouraging, that person is the kindest person I know. Or if they'd say, yeah, he's like the king of jokes. I wonder how that would make you feel. I wonder how it makes them feel. And today's whole conversation is about this idea of encouragement. And there's a lot of things that encouragement is and isn't, but we're going to look at somebody who literally had a nickname of son of encouragement. Now, here at Crossroads Students, we believe the Bible is our ultimate source of truth. And the Bible is a book filled with history about God interacting with his creation, which is us. And in this particular point in the Bible, we're looking at a man named Joseph, nicknamed Barnabas, which translates to son of encouragement. So we're going to look at Acts 4 together. Acts 4, 36 says, Joseph, a Levite from Cyprus, whom the apostles called Barnabas, which means

son of encouragement. So Barnabas' nickname was son of encouragement. That means he was so well known for encouraging others that people gave him a name that literally meant this guy is encouraging. Now, I feel like there's a lot of misconceptions about what encouragement means. So before we can dive deeper into more about Barnabas, we kind of have to know what encouragement is and isn't. First, there's a term called generic affirmation that I think we use all the time. It just means general compliments, like, hey, you're doing a great job. Hey, keep going. You're amazing. You're doing awesome. Those are generic affirmations. They're not bad, they're well-intentioned, but there's nothing that's like deeper, and we often will use them as like, hey, you're having a bad day. Here's something to slap a bandaid on it. Hopefully that helps. And usually it's like, that actually wasn't the most helpful. Another way that we can confuse encouragement is something called flattery. This one is pretty common. This is where we say something nice because we want to get something out of it. It's actually pretty transactional. An example of this.

Let's say that you wanna have friends over, and you know that your mom usually says no to having friends over on a school night. So you look at her and you say, mom, you're the best cook I know. I mean, like, your food belongs in a restaurant. I'd rather eat your food than go into a restaurant. And it's unfair, honestly, that I'm the only one that gets to enjoy it. Like, my friends don't get to have this culinary experience at home, and wouldn't it just be amazing if my friends came over tomorrow night and we hung out, like, it'll be nice, but the main thing is that they get to experience your cooking, because mom, you're amazing. That's flattery, because then your mom's just like, oh my gosh, I had no idea that you felt that way about my cooking. Of course your friends can come over. And you use it as a way to get something that you want. That's not encouragement. Encouragement is actually all about focusing on the other person. To be encouraging is to speak truth to someone, to call out God-given gifts in them, and to help them keep going when things are hard and they forget who they are. That is what encouragement looks like.

And that is what Barnabas was labeled as, son of encouragement, someone who can see the potential in people, can see truth in what God is doing, and can call it out and help them keep going. There's an example of this later on in the book of Acts, where Barnabas actually goes to a place called Antioch. And there's a bunch of people who are starting to believe in Jesus for the first time. It was like an explosion. And so he goes and he's there to meet them, to see what is happening and why so many people are starting to follow Jesus. And he has an interesting reaction to all of these new believers. So we're gonna look at Acts 11 together. Acts 11, 23 says, when he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts. He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith, and a great number of people were brought to the Lord. So Barnabas responds to all these new believers, not by noticing all the things that were like, hey, so awesome that you believe in Jesus, but here's what you need to do next, here's what you're still doing wrong, and immediately jumping to criticism. He just celebrates what God is doing. He notices things about them that are true

and he says, this is amazing. I'm so glad that you've decided to follow Jesus. I'm so glad that your lives are changing. Keep chasing after this good thing. And he stays and he encourages them. He doesn't immediately jump into telling them what they're doing wrong, but he celebrates this growth that they're experiencing. And I think that this is something that we all could practice a lot more of. Because I think oftentimes we can look at our friends and think good things about them. Like we have compliments in our head that we're just like, no, of course I love them. Like they're the nicest person I know, that's why I'm friends with them. But that's not the first thing that comes out of our mouth. A lot of the time, like we do the thing that's gonna get either the most laughs or is gonna make us feel more secure instead of celebrating what God might be doing in the people around us and helping them to see their potential. And so I want us to focus on a way to change that, that we can actually point people towards what God is doing in them and helping them to grow. And so this is a really practical way for you to practice encouragement. First, to see it. Let's say that you have a friend

that is incredible at talking to strangers. They've never met a stranger in their life, they're so good at it. And instead of just thinking it in your head and being like, wow, I could never do that, I'm not good at talking to strangers, you actually call it out. So you see it, and then you say it. You see your friend doing something that you admire, and then you tell them, hey, I think it's so cool the way that you can go up and talk to anybody, and I've noticed that it makes people feel comfortable because of the way that you talk to them. Keep doing that. It's awesome, and it's probably changing someone's day when they feel included the way that you include them. It's a really easy thing to remember to see it and say it, but it's a lot harder for us to do. And here's the thing. When we encourage people, it actually helps us to look more like Jesus. Jesus loves encouragement. Jesus actually is encouraging to us because he comes near to us. He knows everything about us, the good, the bad, and the in between. And we are on our way to growing into the people that God has made us to be, but we're not quite there yet. He sees our potential, and he helps us to grow. And the way that he does that is he tells us that we are God's sons and daughters, that we are chosen, that we are loved dearly by him. And I think if we start to think of other people in that way, that they are loved, that they are chosen, that they are sons and daughters of God, and we help to encourage them to see themselves that way, that we can actually look a lot more like Jesus to other people. That we could be a huge encouragement in their life, and maybe even earn ourselves a nickname

like Barnabas, where we are known for the encouragement that we so generously share with other people. And I wonder if there's someone in your life that honestly needs encouragement right now. If you really thought about it, who would that be? Would it be someone in your family, like maybe a sibling, maybe your parents? Maybe it's someone at school. It could be a teacher. It could be a coach. It could be someone who sits next to you in a class. Who's someone that could use encouragement right now? And if you take it a step further past just identifying them, how could you encourage them? Because sometimes encouragement can feel hard where it's like, I know that someone might need it, but I don't necessarily know what to say. It can feel awkward. I think we just look to Jesus as the example. If we can point people to Jesus, that's actually the easiest encouragement that we can offer. We can tell them, hey, you are loved by God. Even if you don't feel loved right now in your situation, God loves you. He calls you his son and daughter. He chose you and he wants to help you continue to grow. And I think that that is a really easy way for us to practice encouragement is to point them to Jesus first. And I think that we can also continue to notice things that God is doing in their life. They're growing. Just like I said before, maybe they're really good at talking to strangers. Maybe they're growing in their ability to be more honest. These are things that you can call out and celebrate and say, hey, I'm really proud of you for doing that. I'm learning from you how to do that better. And I think if that's something that we do as a community, we as Crossroads students

could be known for our encouragement and how we push others towards Jesus. Jesus, I thank you so much for the people that you've put in our lives that are a part of our core memories. God, I pray that you would help us to be like you, to be encouragements to each other, that we could be modern day Barnabases, that we would be known for the way that we encourage each other. God, would you help us to be generous with the way that we see each other in calling good things out and helping people continue towards good things. God, these middle schoolers are awesome, and I know that you love them. And so Lord, I pray that you would help them to remember that and that they could call that truth out in the lives of the people around them today. I pray this in your name, amen.