Navigating Grief During the Holidays | Crossroads Church

Oh, the sounds and the sights of the holiday season. Seems like they're everywhere. But maybe this season your celebration is a little sideline. The medical report turned your world upside down. When I saw it was positive, I was just like... Your marriage or your family is falling apart. I developed a lot of compulsive sexual behaviors, pornography, striptease joints. That addiction just doesn't seem to be getting any better, or the job is just overwhelming and you need a break to dig out of debt. A lot of it was dealing with the internal battle of fighting this and this. What if the family you know, and you're expected to be with this year, has left you broken? He would just, you know, take down my pants and do things then that literally just robbed my innocence. While to others, everything may seem okay. At the same time, I was desperately alone. We're here to tell you that with the right community, it can be okay too. We believe that you can do it, even if it's hard. With the right people. But I've met some pretty amazing women through, you know, my whole journey. Whose support with no judgment. That was the moment where I found the courage to take the step and begin that journey. Maybe what's been broken can be healed this season, even if it's just in pieces. I want them to know that a life can be changed. And I also want them to know not to give up. Health and Healing, sponsored by Crossroads. And with that, we say hello to you. Thank you for joining us for our Health and Healing special here at Local 12. My name is Liz Bonas. I'm the medical reporter here. I'm joined by Chuck Mingo.

Tell us who you are and what you do. Yeah, so I'm a pastor at Crossroads Church here in the Cincinnati area and just excited to be with you and, you know, really excited to talk about what we're going to lean into today. So we want you to know that if you're watching this, it's probably not by accident. We really believe that there are people in our community who know that many of us are hurting. It's been that kind of year. And we hope for the next hour you'll just stay with us and hear a few stories of people who felt the same way and just needed a change in life. We have great resources and this hour is about letting you know that there is hope, there is help at no cost. And a lot of that is because your team has now formed what we call these healing groups. So tell me about that. Yeah. So, you know, at Crossroads, one of the things we say is we want to be a real place for real people where we don't have to pretend and act like life is perfect all the time when it isn't for any of us. And one of the things that comes out of that is we just believe there's power in community. When you have a faith community who's willing to be honest about places where people have been hurt or impacted or where trauma has affected the way that we live, that if we can get people in a shared community environment where they can be honest about that, that healing can happen. And so the groups we're going to talk about today are spaces where, regardless of where you are, regardless of what you're wrestling with, it's a place where you can come, you can be honest, and you can find a path to healing. And no matter where you're watching this, we also want to let you know that some of these are virtual groups. Some of them are in person. So there's no limit.

And we're going to, throughout the hour, let you know how you can check in and find out more information. So you mentioned this space. Yes. So, Chris, out of curiosity, tell us a little bit about where we are. Yeah. So we are at our Crossroads Uptown location, which is right on the, really on the edge of the University of Cincinnati campus. I think this building is one of the oldest Catholic churches in the city. That's the history of it. Many of us remember it as Old St. George, and many of us sadly remember when the steeples were burning because there was a fire that kind of devastated the building. Well, we've since been able to purchase this building, and now it's a place where lots of young people, young adults and students, get to come and connect with God and connect with each other. And so, yeah, that's where we are. We're in the library. It reminds me of Harry Potter in here. I mean, I think about Harry Potter. And so we're in the library in this space, and this is, again, one of the places where many of these healing groups that we've talked about have gathered over the years as well. So we know that we're going to talk about sort of some tough subjects today, but we do want to share some stories with you. One of them is about a woman who had some childhood trauma, and I do want to warn you that some of the details you're about to hear may be disturbing, but she is sharing her story with us today so that others will know you can find help and hope. It was just a few days after the holidays when, at age 39, Audrey knew something was terribly wrong with her heart. We ended up going to the emergency room, and my heart was racing at 280 beats a minute. Doctors were able to reset her heart's rhythm, but while...

for healing. In that moment he said and now I want you to deal with your real heart issues. That real issue started years ago she says when at a friend's family farm she visited every year the owner began to make moves on her. Oh come on like sit on my lap and you can drive well I mean what kid doesn't want to drive. Eventually what started with gentle touching. He would put his hands where it didn't belong. Became full-blown sexual abuse. He would just you know take down my pants and do things done that literally just robbed my innocence and robbed and violated you know everything about the innocence of my youth at that time. The answer Audrey told me when she finally had the courage to tell someone was simply to stay away from the farm. But you bury alive stays alive. Heart specialist Dr. Konstantin German says the shoving down of emotion can be toxic to body and soul. There's actually been studies that your arteries don't respond well in times of stress meaning that they kind of tend to vasoconstrict. So Audrey who now has a podcast called unlocked life decided to go on a journey to really forgive. And I had a friend at the time who said Audrey this is gonna hurt like hell but if you'll if you'll do the work and if you'll walk this out you're gonna be free. She's right Dr. Joshua Akira told me he's an associate professor of philosophy at Ohio's Cedarville University. What forgiveness allows us to do is to trust that justice can be served without me having to get justice and allows me to release the anger that is involved with seeking something like vengeance. For Audrey it worked. Not only is her heart stable but with forgiveness comes freedom. If I if I hadn't walked through that process I know for certain that I would have a lot more health problems. Part of that healing included writing down her thoughts. She also now shares resources online to help others unlock life. And the really neat thing now about Audrey is she has resources, she has a podcast, she really just kind of laid it out there so that others could know they were not alone. The thing that really got me in that story that I'd love to hear from you on is what you bury alive stays alive. Yeah that that struck me that struck me. I know for my own recovery journey another way that we talk about that is you're only as sick

as your secrets. And the body keeps score right so when we have these traumas that happen if they're not dealt with and processed oftentimes we get to a place where they start to impact us physically and so I just appreciate her willingness to be honest about the journey she's been on and even just the courage to continue to share with others that hey I experienced this and and this is not the way it's supposed to be but there's a way toward healing and so I'm just encouraged by that I think it's so true and you know oftentimes thinking about this around the holidays we can be around that table and we can be celebrating we can also be suffering because in many cases the person who may have perpetuated an abuse is around that table still and so there's such a need for a place for that healing to happen. So then two things come to mind the first is you have groups that help support those with this kind of trauma talk to me about that. We do yeah so one of the groups and Audrey may have been a part of that group is childhood sexual trauma so it's a place for people who have been impacted by childhood sexual trauma to come together to find the courage to share their story to recognize that what happened to them is not their fault and then walk a path of healing and it's interesting the the person from Cedarville talked about forgiveness and you know forgiveness is one of those things that feels like why in the world should I have to forgive someone who harmed me that way and yet you've heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking rat poisoning and hoping that the other person dies there is something about the releasing of the harm and the releasing of even the desire to take vengeance that actually frees up the person who's been impacting the abuse and that's a spiritual principle that plays out and you know people like Audrey have the courage to live that out and find the freedom on the other side of it. Yeah that freedom theme we're gonna kind of hear throughout this so we want to make sure that if you are watching we will have links at whatshappeninginhealth.com to find out more about these again there's no cost but the other thing I feel like you kind of dropped it out there we said my own recovery. Yeah. Yeah tell me a little bit about that. Yeah absolutely I mean I'm not

here because I just endorsed the healing groups from afar but yeah so part of my journey has been overcoming a sexual addiction and that's something that connected to childhood trauma for me and I have found healing and wholeness in that same group because it's helped me find a place of recognizing that what happened to me me impacted the way that I viewed sex and love and how I receive affirmation and, you know, the journey of walking through that process and finding freedom and really finding a community of men who know me, love me, and continue to help me find that freedom. It's been a game changer. It's been one of the best things that's happened in my life that's come from one of the hardest things that's happened in my life. I believe that. And, you know, I think it's wonderful that you're willing to share that openly because if you're watching and you're feeling alone, quite often, that's the thing that if you can just realize that you're alone and there are people there that want to support you, that can make all the difference. All right, we're going to ask you to stand by. Coming back, you mentioned forgiveness. Audrey really did take some steps to forgiveness. So we're going to take just a few minutes and explore what she did. And maybe it might help you just lighten the load a little bit.

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People are getting sticker shock when they head to the grocery store. Point blank, how can that be? I was so shocked something like this could fall through the cracks. Thanks for helping us pull off the surprise. They're having fun. It is all of those things wrapped in one. Getting that vibe out of it. Lots of sunshine. Sounds tremendous. Are we encouraged to sing along? Yes. Are you tired? That's all I got left. ♪ Keep up with this. ♪ At Local 12, the Weather Authority isn't just a slogan. We know we have to live up to that every single day. When severe weather hits and people are looking for live local updates, that's why we're here. There are lots of weather apps, so everyone at Local 12 knows our live updates need to be clear and active. We show you the track of dangerous storms with precise timing. Local 12 has the team of meteorologists you know and trust making us the Weather Authority. I learned forgiveness like this. You forgive what they did.

That's really just the surface of what you can see. And then how it made you feel. And that's all the tons of emotional impact. And really sitting with Jesus and allowing yourself to face all the emotions and how it made you feel. Worthless, shame, dirty, the frustration, the violation, like all the things, like actually how it made you feel and then the impact. So welcome back everybody. You're watching our health and healing special here at Local 12. We're joined by a wonderful team, Chuck Mingo. We've added Kelly. Tell us a little bit about you. Hi, I'm Kelly Mayer and I'm with Crossroads. I'm the Healing Groups Director. And so it's my pleasure to organize and lead the leaders who run these groups for us. So I know you've been here as we've been sharing a bit of Audrey's story. What'd you think when she talks about how she forgave? She knows how to forgive. I love the way she described the actual steps of forgiveness because there are models and tools that we can use to allow God to come in and heal the wounds and release the forgiveness for us when we can't do it ourselves for other people. Sometimes the wounds are so deep, but when we can begin that process of articulating

what happened, how it made us feel to be authentic about that with God, he will be faithful to come in and begin that healing process. It's really beautiful the way she described it. So it's interesting that you would think that was beautiful. My first thought was that's hard. Like, you know, you gotta bring all that stuff up. And one of the things that she told us in her story was she was willing to do the work. Yes. So you have these groups, if you're just joining us, Crossroads has a number of healing groups. They're registering now. We're sharing this hour so you know there are free resources to help in the community. But you do kinda gotta wanna do the work. You do, you do indeed. You do indeed. And essentially, one of my favorite verses in the Bible, Jesus. basically says, come to me if you're burdened, and I will give you rest. But then he says, take my yoke upon you and learn from me. And the yoke was a set of teaching. It was a way of being, and it was the work. And so, you know, Audrey says in her story that she learned to sit with Jesus. And oftentimes the work is the work of surrender. It's the work of letting go. It's the work of being willing to say,

hey, there is a reality that's beyond me. I can't help myself. God, would you come in and would you allow me to find the freedom that I can't find on my own? And so I think the work is showing up. I think the work is surrender. But on the other side of that, there's such fruit that comes from that quote unquote work. And it is the true rest and the true joy and true peace that certainly Audrey and many others are finding through these healing groups. I know you've had the groups for a number of years. Give me just a few logistical things about them. Sure, so as you mentioned earlier on, our groups meet live. We meet live here in all the regions where we have Crossroads locations and also online. And so you can choose what works best for you. They run at different times so that you can choose based on your schedule. And we also offer a lot of free childcare if you're coming to the groups live, which is really important. Makes all the difference in being able to have your family with you. And we really want you to know if you're interested in even just finding out more, these are free, they're confidential. We're putting links to all of these at whatshappeninginhealth.com.

And there's quite a variety. So we hope you'll stay with us. Coming back, we're gonna talk about one man who really needed a second chance and how he found it. Because some of what you do is the group and some of it is to connect you to the community. So we'll be back with health and healing right after this. Hey, it's Leslie from Pella of Greater Cincinnati in Northern Kentucky. And I'm Wilson from that other window place. One of my favorite things, Wilson, is the look on people's faces when they see the end price for Pella windows. I know, my customers are always like, what's it look like? I'm wearing my money brooches. Not really, it's more like, I can't believe we get the Pella look and quality at these prices. So you went the other way with that. You're hearing good things. Yes, get the windows that go beyond, both in look and performance. Watson's Black Friday event is back and bigger than ever. Starting this Friday at 8.30 a.m., save up to 50% off storewide. Plus get special interest-free financing until 2027 or take an additional 10% off all Black Friday prices. Shop Friday only for special factory incentives

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from substance abuse, alcoholism and drugs. And I have been involved with that for several years. I'm a recovering alcoholic myself for over 44 years. And it's just been a foundation of my life. Wow, that's quite a story. So did you ever think you'd be sharing that on TV? No, I didn't plan to. I do whatever God calls me to do. And I feel like God called me to do this for some particular reason. Maybe we can reach some other people that are still suffering. What do you want them to know if they're watching that and they just heard you say that? This is a time where addiction at the holidays is really challenging. Well, three simple steps here is I can't, God can, and I think I'll let him. And that's really what the foundation of the AA program is all about and just recovery in general. So we've been talking about healing groups. They have those here at many locations. Many deal with addiction, but many are also what they call transition groups. Sam, we wanna share with you a gentleman who loves serving others now with food because he previously used a transition group after serving time. It was a three-year sentence for burglary

that led to that time, but it was also during that time, Frank D. says, I realized that I wasn't watching the music shows on that little clear tunes television. I was watching cooking shows all the time. Eventually, as Frank transitioned to a halfway house, a prison ministry support group led him here to Ohio's City Link Center. The organization helps train and link individuals to new careers. Emily Boyles is the center's program director. The goal is for people to move from going through life trying to overcome obstacles to move to thriving and talk about thriving in this restaurant ready kitchen at City Link. We watched Frank whip up this home style breakfast as he shared with us how in prison it was a battle to overcome. A lot of it was dealing with the internal battle of fighting this and this, getting this to grow and this not to be toxic. Here, he said, it was a battle to get back on his feet. We believe that you can do it even if it's hard. We believe that you can do it and we are here to help you along the way. The team at City Link helped Frank get a car, go on for formal culinary training, and take steps not to let his conviction hold him back. As for what he wants others to know about the future? I want them to know that a life can be changed. I'd also want them to know not to give up. Like food, he says, life is better when it's shared. So how do you feel about that statement? I'm pretty hungry. I want to know how was that food? It looked great. It looked awesome. You should have had like, you know, the full-course holiday dinner here. Yeah, but you hear him say like I want him not to give up. Is that what the group support thing is really all about? Absolutely, absolutely. It's, I mean, you can see the hope in him. I love the picture of him next to that car, right? And it's, you know, this is true in life. We don't get to the negative places that we get alone and we certainly don't get out of them alone. And so his story is just a great picture of what happens in healing groups. When you get a different kind of family, a different kind of community, you can go to a different place. So what I thought was interesting was that he had a group getting out, which you have, but then you also have community resources and you do your best to connect people to those. Tell me a little bit about that. We do.

Our CityLink Center offers a wide variety of resources to address people that want more, that have hope but need tools to get there. So between financial education, GED services, employment placement, IT technical development, classes that lead to a very lucrative career over and over and over again for people, CityLink is a very strategic partner for us. We can't do everything at Crossroads, so we partner with people in the community. What I think it says is probably what you know in recovery, we will help you do the work. Is that what it is? Does that make a difference? If you're struggling with addiction and you want to get your back on your feet, you need help doing the work. Yeah, we'll give you the program, but you've got to work the program. Otherwise, you're not going to get anywhere. You've got to, we can't give it to you if you don't want it. Right, right. If you're just joining us and this is something that you might want, we're putting links to all of these places at what'shappeninginhealth.com. The team at CityLink was very interesting. They were like, we want you to succeed. And one of the things I found very interesting is if you don't surround yourself with the right people and you want to get better and you want to break addictions, you don't get better. So how do you find the people that want you to succeed? Yeah, I mean, Dan, I'm sure you probably think about this in recovery. We talked about people, places and things, right? Like you got to change the people you spend time with. You change the places that you go and you change the things that you do. And, you know, it's one of the things that I love about Crossroads is Crossroads is a community where everybody can come in. It doesn't matter where you're starting from. But when you come in, you're going to be invited to different relationships. You're going to be invited to try some things different. We talk about being born for adventure. And, you know, our senior pastor often says it's not an adventure until it gets hard. And, you know, whatever you're trying to change, whatever you're trying to heal from, at some point you're going to hit a wall. It's going to be hard. But, man, if you're surrounding yourself with different people who are going in that direction and doing things in different places and spaces, change is possible. And we see it all the time. Now, we're going to come back with a little bit

more from CityLink. But before we do, did you hear him talk about the head and heart conflict? Yes. What's that like? Yeah. Well, I think it really comes down to it. We tell people when they come into recovery programs at Crossroads, you know, they ask the question, what do I have to change? You have to change everything, basically. And we'll love you until you can start loving yourself again. That's the other part of it. And so you're surrounded by a team, you know, and it's a tribe. We even call it our tribe that supports you, that you can reach out to for anything. And, you know, that's what the recovery is all about. We don't do it ourselves. We have the help of all these other team members around us. Team members, resources, if it's something that you need, again, we will connect you. They're starting new groups in January, right? That's right. Sign-ups are open now, and we launched them in January for a purpose. Because a lot of people are taking stock right now at the end of the year, around the holidays, and thinking of ways to make a fresh start. Yeah. And it certainly is a lot easier if you have other people. So we're going to hear just a little bit more from Emily, who is the person who said, we believe in you, to let you know how that philosophy can be life-changing. Stay with us. You're watching Health and Healing here on Local 12. Three reasons I chose Kitchen Saver and why you should too. Kitchen Saver has so many styles to choose from. I transformed my outdated brown kitchen

into a modern, sleek, gray kitchen with less mess and stress than a traditional remodel. The Kitchen Saver installers were very friendly and super efficient. They completed my makeover in less than five days. Which was really impressive. And lastly, I feel safe knowing I'm covered with their 10-year warranty. I highly suggest checking out Kitchen Saver. Prepare to be impressed. Kitchen Saver. Tis the season of giving. So Raising Canes and Local 12 want to give back to teachers. Help us honor our amazing educators for the 12 Canes of Christmas, sponsored by Raising Canes. For contest rules and to nominate your favorite teacher, go to local12.com slash 12 Canes of Christmas. Winning classrooms will receive a free lunch from Raising Canes and be featured Mondays on Local 12 News First at 4. Local 12 presents the 12 Canes of Christmas, sponsored by Raising Canes. Three generations of Cincinnati homeowners have trusted Ford and Sun Roofing for a reason. As a family-owned and operated business, we deliver unparalleled craftsmanship, dedication, and customer service. Unlike other roofing companies, we hire and train our employees in-house, ensuring consistency, reliability,

and accountability in our work. Whether you need a new roof, gutters, siding, or repairs, Ford and Sun Roofing has been here for you since 1945. Get a free estimate and up to 24 months no interest financing at Ford and Sun Roofing Company. With the Planet Fitness Black Card, you can bring a friend anytime and so much more when you join today. Get all the perks with the PF Black Card for $1 down and $24.99 a month. Cancel anytime. Deal ends Friday, December 5th. Shen Yun, coming to Aronoff Center, February 6th and 7th. So at CityLink, we deeply recognize that life is complex. For every single one of us, life is complex. What I mean by that is it's not just one part of our life that can move us to a thriving place or hold us back. It is so many interlocking pieces. And so when I think about healing, I think about holistic healing. That sometimes you think about someone struggling and it's about income, and that's one piece of the complexity of our lives. That there is a heart healing and a mental healing that you go through when you come from a place of struggling and that you're trying to see the other side, but sometimes the battles that we face is the fear inside of us. So if you're listening today,

we don't believe you joined us by accident. We believe that there's something in your life that maybe the holidays sort of bring out in all of us. Welcome back everybody to health and healing here at Local 12. That was Emily from CityLink. We're partnering with Crossroads on this wonderful special. You have healing groups, but you have people in the community. And I love her just saying, there's something on the other side. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I love her reflection on holistic healing. I often think about this when I read the Bible. So Jesus would heal people and we can think about it like, oh, it was just a surface physical healing. But think about it like when Jesus healed a leper, leprosy was something that pulled you away from your family. It pulled you away from your ability to work and earn income. And so when Jesus physically heals someone with leprosy, it's a holistic healing. It's a father that can go back home to be with their children. It's a husband that can return to their wife or their spouse. It's someone who can return back to the way that he would earn income in that day and age. And so I love her picture of that

because I think often we think about healing at a surface level when really what Jesus came to do is to provide us healing holistically at all of these different levels, including socially, including relationally. And these healing groups are places where people are finding that. So as I listened to you, and maybe you're watching, there's a couple of things we want you to know. It's okay if you're not even a person who believes in Jesus or God as we know him. One of the things you do emphasize in your groups is that all people and all faiths are certainly welcome. Absolutely. We like to be open and anybody is welcome to join our group. groups and wherever you are on your spiritual journey. We do teach from a biblical perspective, but it certainly is just an open door for you to come in to be comfortable to meet other people who want the same kind of healing that you do and that are fun and that are authentic right. This can be hard so to have authentic people that are filled with hope leading these groups and then staying in community with you after the group is finished. So if you're joining us the hour is about letting you know that there are support groups available that can connect to the community as you heard here. Some of them are just based on you know getting together some of them even have sort of family dinners coming up. I've heard and you know and you kind of get to know other people, but I you know I heard her say you don't have to have a faith, but quite often that's like sort of a base of a 12

step program something higher. Is that kind of what your group does? Yeah, we don't dictate to anybody that comes in any of our recovered group meetings with type of faith or religious background they need to have. It's just that they have to find a higher power and it can't be them. That's that's the difference. It's interesting because that's not really very successful usually if it's us. No, no it never is, but eventually I think people find their own way. We provide them again with the tools to find their way to more of a previously. I know a lot of us that come into recovery programs have a lot of religion and no spirituality and that's what we try to do is to lead them down that path to finding a spiritual relationship that they've never had before, which brings them freedom. Yeah that freedom thing. So as I hear him say that we're at Crossroads in Uptown as they call it. Can you just tell me what is Crossroads so that people sort of have a better understanding? Sure. Yeah. So Crossroads is a church, but you know our our heart is connecting seekers so people who may have not given up on the whole idea of God, but maybe they've given up on church. We want to connect them to a community of people who are growing in the journey of understanding who God is and finding freedom and then we want to be people who take that outside of the four walls and change the world and so yeah Crossroads is a church with multiple locations in the Cincinnati and kind of greater area region and anybody is welcome to come and be on this journey with us. So we're going to take a quick break. We're at the bottom of the hour, but if you'd like more information, please go to what's happening in health.com and stay with us here on health and healing.

Health and healing sponsored by Crossroads. Welcome back everybody. You are watching health and healing a local 12 special. We are at Crossroads Church Uptown. They call it which is right near as you say the University of Cincinnati campus. I'm with a wonderful team real quick. Give me some introductions that people are just joining us. Yeah. Chuck Mingo. I'm a pastor at Crossroads. I'm Kelly Mayer. I'm the healing groups director. I'm Dan Dressman and I facilitate recovery groups for substance abuse. So you might have guessed that we're talking some help if you need some in this new year and you have wonderful support groups here. We're grateful that you have them, but we also know that we are whole people meaning we're body mind and soul and what's interesting about your healing groups is they sort of address all of those and just recently we got to connect with two sisters and they have a really interesting journey to share with us. One is at risk for breast cancer. The other is a I was diagnosed February this year. Amanda Colvin says it was a simple questionnaire from her OBGYN that first made her take a look at her breast cancer risk. So I filled it out and they said I qualified for genetic counseling if I wanted it. By the time she had genetic testing and her family history was reviewed, she found out she qualified for the high risk clinic. A program set up. Doctor Gina Matasha told me here at Ohio's Tri Health Bethesda North Hospital to help follow young women who may benefit from early breast cancer screening. So women who are at high risk for developing breast cancer either through family history, having dense breast tissue, genetic mutations. Sure enough, Amanda says her early screening at barely age 40 led to a biopsy

for breast cancer, which showed it's positive like just actually having to say it was just like it was really hard and so with the help of her younger sister, Ashley Jones and the cold cap to stop Amanda's hair loss. She's been she's been the best treatment buddy. Yeah, she's been fantastic. Amanda had successful treatment for her stage one cancer. which is now in remission. Along the way, however, Ashley found out she's at high risk for breast cancer and needs advanced imaging too. And so far everything looks fine but that looks like my life for the next several years is every six months doing that. Now these two, sisters by chance but friends by choice, are fierce advocates for early detection. It is a balancing act between not freaking out and just being proactive. So part of the reason we wanted to share Amanda's story is she actually couldn't find a support group when she got out of that. She felt like that sort of let her talk about body, mind and soul. So she started one in Amelia, you can find it on Facebook, it's called Tata Sisterhood. Isn't that like a great name? But what she brought up in that is that you know there was a part of me before this that was whole that is no longer whole and I'm grieving that. Yes. So you run grief groups here? Yes we do. And I'm one of the grief group leaders. I'm really passionate about helping people get to the other side and through their mourning period. And anytime, both through the loss of a person and through the loss of a dream or a hope or what we thought life was going to be like, the grief emotions can begin to rise and that's where getting support through a grief group is really important to understand how to process those emotions and how to work through them and how to invite God in

to help you in that journey. So when you see a story like that, you know that your life is forever changed and I think it's hard to think that you can ever sort of pick up the pieces. How do the groups help that? Wow, you know I think about what you said with the journey of grief and it's interesting I just was reading on grief and one of the things that's true about grief is in some ways it's never over. And so someone reframed it for me and said you know grief is a language and what we can do is we can learn to become fluent in that language. And often when we become fluent in the language of grief what we realize is grief and hope don't have to be separate but they can actually coexist. And so yes you know I think about her story and there's a part of her that's forever changed and yet there's a part of the relationship with her sister that's kind of birthed anew and so in the midst of even loss there are these opportunities for new birth. And that's not to minimize the pain of grief and it's not to rush anybody through the process of grief. It is to say if grief is a language then just like any other language the more I'm immersed in it the more fluent I become at it. Well it sounds great. I think the hard part is that you feel a loss of life. I know when people struggle with addiction they say I feel so bad I lost all those years. So tell me about your groups and how that supports that. You can't get it back. Yeah I think when you find your way into a recovery program of any kind you're looking for a way out of where you are. And you just have to travel that path and there are things you have to give up along the way to get new things. It's like taking inventory in business. You got to get rid of the bad inventory. And so the inventory I have given up has been negative inventory. So as a result of that I have room now for much better inventory in my life. Making space. We've all talked about that. You have room to kind of fill it up with good things.

We're going to hear a little bit more of Amanda's story. And I also know you have a little bit of a grief journey. So stay with us here on Health and Healing. We'll share it when we come back. Before and after. Before and after. If you have a before kitchen now's the time to call KitchenSaver and get a beautiful after. With our custom cabinet renewal process you can have a brand new kitchen within three to five days. We're so confident in our products that we'll back it all, labor and materials, with our 10-year limited warranty. Claim our special offer and become a satisfied customer today. Prepare to be impressed. KitchenSaver. Watson's Black Friday event is back and bigger than ever. Starting this Friday at 8 30 a.m. save up to 50% off storewide. Plus get special interest-free financing until 2027. Or take an additional 10% off all Black Friday prices. Shop Friday only for special factory incentives and early shopper giveaways. Shop all weekend for hundreds of doorbusters and special pricing. Come join us at Watson's for all the fun and all the savings. Visit watsons.com slash Black Friday for all the incredible deals. There was a few things that had to line up the way they did for me to find out when I did. And it's like I'm extremely grateful and it's extremely it's very scary to think about where I would be if I hadn't you know it's just. It's hard not to, you know, not to think about that even after, you know, everything's done, you know. It's like that fear is still just, you know, just as much as it was like when you first find out for me. Welcome back, everybody, to Health and Healing. A medical journey can change your life, especially if the results are life-altering. And we know that even though you can get maybe the body healed, there's something about the emotions that maybe need to catch up. And you said you have a story of grief. Share a little of that. I do. I lost my husband at the end of 2016 to a long battle with concussion-related dementia through professional football. And while I was able to grieve along the way as every one of those negative milestones came along,

at the end of the day and after his passing, I was left with all of these surprising emotions that I wasn't prepared to understand or deal with. And a dear friend of mine challenged me to attend our grief group. And when I did the first time that I entered into the space, I understood, oh, it's all about the emotions. That's what grief is. It's an array of emotions tied to loss. And so while I could intellectually understand why my husband passed away, what I wasn't ready for was the loss of our couple's community. Because no one really knows what to do with the widow who's left behind. And that was a big loss. We had beautiful, beautiful community. And I had to go kind of reshape that and find my way into a new path of community. And that was very difficult. It was scary. It hurt. It was disappointing. But I can honestly say, you know, we follow a God that says that he will redeem the years the locusts have eaten, which means that he will reframe things for you as you get close to him and as you trust him to heal these wounds and heal the emotions and bring them into a more healthy state. And I can say that that's true. The community that I found, while it can't replace my husband, it certainly is rich and beautiful. And he's, God is faithful to his promise. Psalm 34, 18 says that God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. And that is a true, true promise. He does it. So if you're hearing this and you feel kind of broken, we're talking about this today as part of a health and healing program, because healing really is about body, mind and soul. Well, you have a number of groups here, kind of the short list of the kind of things you address, and they're all free. There's no judgment. Tell me about those. Yes. I mean, like you said, we have grief. She's the director. We have groups for when you're going through a divorce. We also have trauma related groups. You talked about childhood sexual trauma, which is a six week online group where we have professionals who come in and share with us very tangible, practical tools. We also have Beauty for Ashes, which is a longer healing group that's after rape or sexual abuse. We have Men's Healthy Sexuality, which I believe we're going to talk about in just a little bit. We also have Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous, as well as Parents of Addicted Loved Ones, which helps parents whose teens or adult children are struggling with addiction as well. Well said. If you're hearing those, we are going to share a little bit more about some of the ones that aren't usually safe to talk about in a church. We're going to talk about sexual addiction. How's that for a tease? Stay with us here on Health and Healing. Before and after. Before and after. If you have a before kitchen, now's the time to call Kitchen Saver and get a beautiful after. With our custom cabinet renewal process, you can have a brand new kitchen within three to five days.

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including the areas that are hard to talk about. So you might've heard our tease ahead. There's a wonderful husband and father who's sharing his story with us today because he struggled with sexual addiction. Not something he thought he'd ever talk about, but he said he wants people to know that he's talking about it so that others will know that there is hope. It was really a desire for connection to someone or something that Chuck Moore told me eventually became a desire that got out of control. I developed a lot of compulsive sexual behaviors, pornography, striptease joints, that became worse and worse over time, which they often do. And so finally I realized my life was a complete disaster, about to fall off a cliff. And so I confessed it all to my wife. Chuck and his wife, Marty, are still together years later. But at the time, in a desperate attempt to save his family of four young children. I wandered around for eight years until finally I found somebody who could begin to help me. Much like Alcoholics Anonymous, he says he began a 12-step style program. As he healed, he realized, however, in most safe places, such as his home church here at Ohio's Crossroads, the subject was not considered safe to talk about.

And so I felt called and committed to create something that would help other men. You see, Chuck says that's because this kind of an addiction is shrouded in secrecy. He felt like he was living a bit of a double life. He was a successful businessman and a Harvard graduate. And at the same time, I was desperately alone. And so the journey began. He started a weekly group here to help men stay accountable and connected to others. It's called Men's Healthy Sexuality. People believe that the problem is the sex. It's the unwanted sexual behaviors. The path to healing, he says, is in realizing you need healthy connections to others. Until you get to that realization, until you wake up to how alone you are, then nothing else will work. In my experience, it did involve God, where I was able to really reconcile my life and invite God into it and get to a place of healing. So you hear that and you think what? Well, first of all, when I see that, I see a man who helped me find the same freedom. So Chuck has been a spiritual mentor and father to me in that journey. And so I believe it because I've lived it and I know the freedom that's possible. So I had an interesting discussion setting that story up with him

because I'm a dietician by trade. And I was like, you can't just not eat. Like, overeaters anonymous is hard because you can't just stop. And with this, you want healthy sexuality. So it's not like we're saying this is all forbidden. And he said, finding that balance is a real walk. It really is. It really is. And I think what he nailed there is so true is it's about connection. Like the craving and the longing is for connection. Sex becomes the way that you numb or try to seek that connection, but it's really about connection. And so the restoration that happens in the group is really a restoration of relationships. And that's the thing that is true for so many addictions that at the core, they're relational absences that create those longings and we find ways to cope. So it's interesting. They often say that affairs in marriages are not about the sex, they're about the wanting. That someone makes you feel loved and supported. And you did mention that you also have a marriage group. We do. We've created by Chuck Moore as well. He's kind of our spiritual grandfather to all of us in the healing area at Crossroads. And yes, Real Marriage is our group

that helps you learn new skills, helps you to connect. It's kind of like a date night with a lot of skill building. And again, free childcare so that you can relax and enjoy yourself and come in and learn from people, learn from other couples who've been walking it out and building Christ-centered marriages for a long, long time. And you mentioned with that then, you have some other groups that this is obviously a no judgment zone where you talk about perhaps a loss in a pregnancy. Yes. a group for post-abortion healing. Many people come into a church thinking that they're too far gone or that God can't love me because of something that I did or a choice that I made earlier. And that was one of the things that I loved about Crossroads when I first discovered it 27 years ago, was that we speak about things that other people won't. Because Jesus came to relieve the shame and the scorn that people feel from the things that have happened in their past. And you don't have to live in that. There are many other people who are on the same journey that you are that want to be in community with you and walk with you to heal. And I know you can relate to the addiction. So it's sort of that life abundant, that it's better. That's what he said.

It's better when you kick the habit. Yeah, and it's the crazy thing about coming into some kind of a recovery of substance abuse in particular, is you have no idea the kind of life you can have because you think you're stuck on that hamster wheel because you've been on it so long and you maybe have tried many, many times to move yourself beyond that and you get stuck. And then when you find your way into one of the rooms of recovery, like what we do at Crossroads, we have over 60. We do on Monday and Wednesday night, we have over 60 each night. It's grown from a trickle to a flood. Which shows you the need of the problem. So if you are watching, that should just tell you right there, none of us are alone in this journey. We hope you'll reach out at whatshappeninginhealth.com. Stay with us. We're gonna hear a little bit more from Chuck and we'll let you know where to find these resources. No matter where you call home, Pella has the perfect replacement windows for you. Our products are designed for comfort and tested to protect against extreme weather. Discover why Pella is a trusted choice for homeowners everywhere, especially here in the Midwest. Now is the time for a new kitchen from Kitchen Saver.

Every Kitchen Saver kitchen is installed in as little as three to five days with a 10 year limited warranty. Go from old to new, from worn to wow. The beautiful kitchen you've always wanted done right. Installed by our certified master craftsmen. We've been remodeling kitchens for over 40 years and we're here to help you get started. Call Kitchen Saver today. ♪ Prepare to be impressed, Kitchen Saver. ♪ Tis the season of giving. So Raising Canes and Local 12 want to give back to teachers. Help us honor our amazing educators for the 12 Canes of Christmas, sponsored by Raising Canes. For contest rules and to nominate your favorite teacher, go to local12.com slash 12 Canes of Christmas. Winning classrooms will receive a free lunch from Raising Canes and be featured Mondays on Local 12 News First at 4. Local 12 presents the 12 Canes of Christmas, sponsored by Raising Canes. I'm attorney Blake Maslin. Don't simply accept a denial of your insurance claim. Call me immediately and get the compensation you deserve. If you're illuminating your street with an amazing light display, you can be featured on Local 12 News. Scan now or go to local12.com. Sponsored by Freestore Food Bank, Blake Maslin, and 1-Hour Heating and Air Conditioning.

We're not just replacement window and door experts. We're experts at taking care of you and your home. At Pella, we help you find the right products and professionally install them. We're so confident in their performance. We back both product and installation with strong warranties. High five on it. Lots of sunshine. Sounds tremendous. Are we encouraged to sing along? Yes. Are you tired? That's all I got left. We'll show you the track of dangerous storms with precise timing. Local 12 has the team of meteorologists you know and trust, making us the weather authority. Every time we speak in public, we've probably lost some friends, but we've also gained some deep friendships of the future of people who get free. And that's what counts for me. So if you're just joining us, we have shared an hour of stories and talked about freedom. How do you find that? Yeah. Gosh, relationships, relationships, relationships. We are created, I believe, for a relationship with a creator who loves us and wants to make us whole.

We are created to have relationships with each other that are whole. And we are created to have a relationship with this world that we live in that is whole. And the good news is all of those things can be broken, but all of those things can be redeemed. And so the hope that I have coming out of this is that people who are watching just realize wherever they are today, redemption is possible. It's a powerful statement if you're watching and you feel like this holiday season isn't full of the joy that you hoped. We want you to know that there are people who just will meet you wherever you are. That's really the goal, is it not? Absolutely. We hope that you heard about sexual addiction, but there is quite a list of other groups that will support your family if you're struggling with your children, if you've had a pregnancy loss. And you start these again in January because? Because this is when people are taking stock. They're really reckoning with, what do I want to be different this year? And this is an opportunity to step into a community that can help you have a different year. All right, well, here's a list. We want you to see them. We want you to know they're all free. They are both virtual and in person.

So if you aren't comfortable or aren't able to leave your home, many also offer child care. And I think the most overwhelming message that we want from all this is there's no judgment. Tell me about that. That's right. Yeah, there's no judgment. There's no judgment. Everybody, all of us, we all have things in our lives that we're struggling with. Everybody's carrying their own baggage. And we need a place where we can lay it down. And I hope that these groups can be a place where people can lay it down. And man, when you lay it down, whew, it's like lost weight. Amen, amen. We are grateful for sharing your partnership in this, and we are grateful that you tuned in today. If you like what you heard, please reach out to us at whatshappeninginhealth.com. We have more information. We'll be back Sunday morning on What's Happening in Health. Until then, everybody, stay well and stay tuned. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪