MOVE 2026 Podcast Wk 6 | MOVE without Comparison

Hey, Pando family, normally each week we drop a Pando-exclusive podcast just for you, but over the next six weeks, you are going to be hearing and experiencing a podcast led by our senior pastor, Kyle Eidelman, going through the MOVE series that we're going through as a church family over the next six weeks. And so you're not only going to hear from Kyle, you're going to hear from Steven Pericelli, who is on Pando every now and then, and a couple other folks on our staff. So guys, I guarantee you, you're going to enjoy it. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this discussion. All right, everybody, it is, it's week six, it's the end of the journey here of our MOVE podcast. And, you know, everybody knows the drill. Every week we've been just talking about the barriers to really moving, you know, with, you know, being a fully engaged at Southeast, how we move together kind of through these things. This week's barrier that we want to blast through is the barrier of comparison and how when I compare myself to other people, it doesn't allow me to really be fully engaged with a church that's withholding something back. And so Christy, I'm going to let you tee up the conversation for us to join in on. When you think comparison, your unique perspective at the church, what's the first thing that jumps out at you? The first thing that jumps out at me is that this is something I believe, I believe men struggle with this too, but women struggle with it uniquely. Because there's so many little markers in a woman's life that seem like she should be doing this, she should be doing that, she should be doing this. And they're intimate, like really personal things. And so when we are in a setting and a woman is experiencing that in her life and I'm not yet experiencing that, had been waiting and had been waiting and had been waiting. And she is, I see that so many times that even women will remove themselves from community, will quit coming. When that person in the community gets the thing they've always wanted, the longing of

their heart. Yes. I'm out. Yeah, I'm out. So I see this a lot with women in community. Yeah, because it's so hard as a personal. How do you see this showing up at church with comparison, where does your brain go? Well, that's really interesting. So my brain is on what she just said. It made me think of the, I've read this article about the guy who was a soccer coach for men and women at North Carolina for division one or University of North Carolina. And he talked about the difference between coaching men and coaching women. And he said that when he coached men at halftime, he'd go in and all the men, he would have to talk directly to whatever player needed to hear it because the men would think, oh, he's not talking about me. He's talking about them. And with the women, it was the exact opposite. They would all think, oh, he's talking about me. Like they would compare themselves with each other differently. And one of them, the men would often lead to pride and that the women would often lead to insecurity and shame. So I just remembered that article as you were talking and it connected some dots for me. I think all of us have our own journey with comparison. But what strikes me like as a pastor is this idea that God has made us each individually and we're called to steward whatever he's given us, you know, that our perspective is not to worry about what somebody else is giving or contributing or how they're engaging. But what do I have with what, what do I do with what he's entrusted me with? I shared with our staff this past week in our all staff meeting a story about when I was an intern at a church in California for three months and the pastor of the church at the end of those three months took me to lunch and said, hey, for these three months,

you haven't given anything. Now, look, I was making $150 a week in California, living well below the poverty level. And so my tithe was $15 a month. And I can tell you what happened. I didn't give anything during those three months because I compared myself to others. And I thought my $15, it doesn't make any difference. Like I'm not contributing anything like it doesn't in comparison to other people. What's $15? What I didn't understand at the time and what he helped me understand is that my call or what God had asked of me was. Not about what other people were giving. It was what he had entrusted to me. And all of us, that's what we're responsible for. And yet, comparison is just this, it's this distraction. Before we were talking, or before we hit record and we were talking, you mentioned the parable, or not the parable, the narrative of the widow's mite and that she gave her two coins. And that's what Jesus noticed. And he didn't compare her to the other people and say, well, she's not given much. I mean, it was the opposite. He's like, he measured it differently and she was being faithful with what she had. And that's what got his attention. And so for each of us individually to be stewards of what God has entrusted to us is the challenge. Well, the interesting thing on comparison

is the only comparison that's worth doing is the realization that you have nothing and you're compared to God's infinite, but then he offers you the gift of the infinite as well. But yet we'll find our little ways within here and it's all really meaningless, right? Like it doesn't turn the scales of our life or change anything in regards to that. Christy, you were mentioning something though, there's kind of different phases of life and how comparison entraps us when we're younger versus as we age. What was it that you would notice with that? That we were talking about spiritual maturity and how walking with the Lord and being content in the Lord that as we grow closer to him, comparison seems to fade. And I've experienced that in my own life, have witnessed that in women's lives. But as I have aged and sort of not over the hill y'all, sort of like I entered, my husband and I are talking about this sage, being sages and raising up and it's the next generation's opportunity. And as I have begun to prepare for that, how a comparison has sort of crept back in to see the younger generation in my same giftings. That's where I sometimes will struggle. I'm like your big old cheerleader and I've noticed the Lord working in my heart

in the places where I'm withholding it. That's where he's getting my attention. And I'm comparing what somebody has like for the rest of their life, like these young bucks to do. And so the Lord has been having me pay attention. Where are you withholding that and what's up with that? And to know that that leads to misery. Like it's the joy of our lives to encourage and to spur on. I was reminded of Romans 12, 15, where the Lord says, Paul encourages them to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. I want to do that. I wanna mourn with my sisters when they're mourning. I can't do that authentically if I haven't rejoiced and they're rejoicing authentically. And so I've noticed that in my life and excited to see how he's honing and shaping that in me. Yeah, it's interesting. Cause comparison, it creeps in there and it shows up in those moments when you need to share in the success of someone else and show up and really be for them and really show up and have empathy when life's falling apart for them and to show up in that. And it's interesting how comparison really holds us back.

I'm just sitting here thinking, it ultimately for me is a lack of love. And I have had to address that in so many ways. If I'm comparing myself to what someone else has, or I'm comparing myself to think that I have more or have achieved or whatever, ultimately it is a lack of love from me for my brother or sister. And that's where he's growing me to recognize that. That's gross. Like that disgusts me when I recognize it that way to know that ultimately I have the grace of the father that's revealed through Jesus Christ and I'm called to love her that way. And so ultimately I think comparison comes down at some level to a lack of love. Yeah, I think that's fair. We're in the middle of our move journey, right? Two years. And so we're in the middle of that right now is a journey of generosity. But Kyle, one of the lines you've used kind of throughout this is, hey, we're looking at two years of sacrificial generosity. for the next two generations. I know personally that you think a lot about that, but when you think about comparison, I think there's an interesting thing as a leader, as you're trying to prepare us for the emerging generations and to the season that you are leading Southeast,

you're stewarding our church for this season and preparing for the season ahead. It's interesting. We have a lot of opportunities just as a church family to get entrapped to the comparison of the way things used to be. How do you lead us into this as a church to go, like, we've got new things God's calling us to do? Yeah, well, I think when you're comparing, what you're doing is you're choosing a measurement that you're gonna use as a way to determine how successful or unsuccessful you are. That's good. So what measure are you gonna use? There can be healthy measures that you look at. Most of the time, we choose measures that aren't as healthy, but one of the things that we focus a lot on as a church is the one-at-a-time emphasis. Like, I don't, I really try hard not to pay much attention to measurements of like, well, how many people attended and what was their offering from this past week? And yeah, I pay attention to those things to a degree because they can be indicators of health, but to measure our effectiveness, I wanna measure heart. So I wanna look at one-at-a-time stories, one-at-a-time transformation experiences that people have. And that, to me, that recalibrates the why we're doing what we're doing. It just, it keeps my heart in the right place.

When I lose track of that, it just becomes about weird things. And, or it becomes about the kingdom that we're building rather than God's kingdom. And so by just relentlessly focusing on, you know, that one-at-a-time heart of Jesus, which I think is what we see in the gospels, that keeps us centered. It keeps us looking at the right metric. And so, you know, I would apply this to people in their own personal lives by just engaging with what are you measuring yourself by? I was, your open comments are still kind of working on my mind about when I, I remember reading this article about the mommy wars. And we talked about kind of the online social media, passive aggressive tendency that can take place. Perfect moms out there. Yeah, a lot of perfect moms. Yeah, a lot of really perfect moms. But what strikes me is that we have so many ways to compare ourselves now that, man, that's a, it's just a trap because anytime you get on your phone, without meaning to, you're gonna compare yourself to people and to just say, okay, I gotta be aware of what that stuff does to my heart. And I'm not gonna put myself in a position where I'm, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna care that. I'll give you a, I'll try to give you a vulnerable example. I like this.

When I write a book, they have all kinds of ways to tell you how many books you've sold, how many translations it's in, where you are on this list and this list and this list. And so when I first wrote a book, I was all about it. You know, I was like, where am I at on that list? How many books have I sold? What language did it get translated into? And then I, it just was so bad for my heart. And what I, here's what I realized, I can't do it at all. So I don't, now, if I wrote, if you ask me about, well, how's that book doing? I don't, I really don't know. I don't look at it. I don't, and it's not because I don't care. It's because I know if I start going down that path, I'll care too much. And I think we all have some space like that where we just have to recognize the comparison traps. What pulls me in and causes me to get caught up in that? Because what'll happen is you'll either feel, well, to go back to our original point here, you'll either feel insecure and you'll withdraw. You're like, oh, I can't, I'm down low enough on this list. I'm not gonna put myself out there. Or you'll be prideful and arrogant and something will happen to your heart that will undermine everything that you're wanting to accomplish and who you're wanting to be.

And so recognizing what are those comparison traps that I find myself slipping into. And both of those will keep you from engaging in the way that the Lord called you to, both of those. Being insecure or being arrogant will keep you from, will keep you from doing what he is spurring you to do. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's fascinating how we'll use that because we're all chasing, I think, ultimately, the longing of our heart of being okay with who we are, and we're trying to find it in these whatever compare points we have, when really it's only going to be found by surrendering that to God anyway, right? Like, we're never going to find that in other places. As you think about seasons of the church and, you know, the season of move and stepping through this, I think it'll be tempting for folks to make some comparison to how people are involved or their involvement and see different ways that they're engaged. What would you speak to the heart of us that may be getting trapped in those different ways and maybe comparing giftings and like, I can never do what so-and-so did, I can never give like so-and-so gives, and even though you don't really know what's going on, how do you speak to the heart of people that maybe find themselves resonating with this, resonating with the financial commitment piece of it, because they're sitting there going, well, there's no way I compare to you or you or you or you, and they don't even know the hearts of the people there. How do you talk to them on that? Because I think that holds us back when we realize. Yeah. I mean, I just think of Jesus in John 13, where, you know, we hear the story about Jesus washing the feet of the disciples, and, you know, we assume, oh, that's just because, you know, he was doing what needed to be done. Nobody had washed their feet, so he was serving them by doing what needed to be done, which is true. But there's also a context there. The disciples had been arguing over position. They'd been comparing themselves to each other and saying, you know, which one of us is the cravest? And Jesus overhearing them doing that, overhearing them comparing, his response is to wash their feet. And, you know, to me, that is the response. Our response is when we see some of that taking place or we feel drawn into that is to go the opposite, to take a posture of being a servant, to wash the feet of, you know, to find ways to follow that.

Well, that's what Jesus says in John 13. He says, you know, as I have done for you, so you are to do for other people. And that's his response to, you know, our comparison game is to take the position of a servant. And, you know, that's very convicting. It's funny you mentioned that, sir, because it does crack you up. Like, because he knows, Jesus kind of knows where things are headed. They don't really have it figured out. And he's about to entrust this work of what he's done to them, and they're arguing about the wrong thing. But I've not ever, Kyle, until you said that, thought that through the comparison lens. They're comparing, who's going to be the greatest? Who's the one that's going to be at the top? Who deserves to be in this seat? Who's the left? Who's the right? And his response is the servant. Yeah. And what would it look like if that's what we did? What if it looked like that? You know, in any of those, the places where we don't feel adequate if we served and the places that we feel arrogant if we served, what might that look like? But you think about, you know, who, well, he goes back to the widow's mite example, but the last will be first, the first will be last. Like, whatever metric we use for comparison, the kingdom flips upside down. So it's not about who's up here. You know, it's about, you know, Philippians chapter two, following the example of Jesus who made himself nothing. And, and that's just, you know, I smile when I'm talking about this because it's so convicting, you know, it's just a humbling thing to think about how, you know, one day I think we'll just be amazed at how God, you know, those, the first will be last, last will be first, the people who are rewarded and, you know, how they gave, they stewarded what they'd been entrusted with in a way that did not get a lot of attention here that not a lot of people, you know, pointed to, you know, they didn't have a huge social media following. They, they just were faithful stewards of what God, what God had given them. And that's what he rewards. And so, you know, for each of us, that's the invitation. And I'm, and I'm struck by the lack of noise that is there, like the, the serving, just letting go of the comparison and the serving, how it's sort of a, sort of a behind the scenes quiet and, and how much easier it is to hear the Lord when it's quiet like that, when we're so busy comparing and measuring up or being arrogant or not. but how the noise can sometimes, can keep us from hearing his voice and how comparison can be that noise, can interfere in all kinds of ways.

It's interesting, you know, so humility as kind of one antidote to this comparison trap, I think another one to switch it direction a little bit is gratitude, right? Yeah, I mean, if we really focus in on just the gratitude of grace that we've received, it frees us to not compare. And so I'd love to explore that a little bit in conversation is how does gratitude interact with comparison when we think about all the ways that it can trap us? Well, for sure. I mean, we had talked about, you know, raising an Ebenezer, doing something to remind yourself of what the Lord has done that we need to remember. We need to remind one another. And I don't know, I can't name a time in my life when I have been filled with gratitude and I have been tempted to compare. I can't think, I think they're polar opposites. And so I know the times in my life when I'm discontent that I need to double down on writing the things that I'm thankful for, paying attention, marking those things. Well, what you just said, I think is the key here is that if comparison inevitably leads to discontentment, gratitude brings contentment, which is the antidote to. So let's say you're sitting down, you know,

for a counseling session with a husband and wife and the husband is, you know, comparing his wife to his buddy's wife and, you know, he doesn't, she doesn't talk to him this way. And, you know, she's, I see the way, and you hear, what's the antidote for him? It's to say, listen, you need to be grateful for your wife. You need to start finding ways to, and paying attention, keeping track of what you have to be grateful for. And as you're grateful for her, you'll stop comparing her to other people. And so I totally like this discipline of gratitude as a way to fight against comparison. In fact, it just makes me wonder if you're living in gratitude, if you're really intentionally being grateful, if this is an issue, you know, and it just kind of goes away. I have a hunch that it probably largely does. Yeah, you know, it's funny. One of my jokes I'll say to my wife all the time, when there's something we want that we do not have, that's, you know, that's an easy conversation. I'll say, you know, I think it's because God knows we can't handle it. So I don't know if it's your fault or my fault. He just knows that we can't handle, we can't handle that. And when we were looking for this last house that we've been in and incredibly grateful for it, you know, the only thing she wanted was a front porch

and we got one, but I, you know, it's like a landing, you know, and all of that. I said, Beth, God just knows you can't handle the porch. You would just be unbelievably arrogant with the front porch, but the good news, babe, is the house across the street has your dream porch. And so we can sit on ours and see that amazing porch that you really want wraps around the house. And, you know, but I think that that's the truth, right? It's an opportunity to be grateful, right? Like God's provided. A parenting conversation I had with a guy at church that when my kids were all teenagers, I'd have lunch with them once in a while and get counsel and encouragement. Because you had everything figured out. Oh, right, yeah. And there was one time where we felt like we had nothing figured out. And I was, you know, I just feeling very frustrated because, you know, we were working really hard and it wasn't, we weren't seeing the fruit that we wanted to see. And I was expressing some of this frustration to him. And he was laughing at me politely, but just, he's like, this is the child God gave you to raise. Like you're trying to, you're trying to, you're pretending or thinking of your parenting. Like you're raising a kid that you don't have.

Like this is the way you're, this is the child God gave you to raise. And that was a really helpful or freeing thing. Like I'm responsible to raise this child. Uniquely. Yeah, uniquely. And this child's strengths and weaknesses and challenges are their strengths, weaknesses, and challenges. And they are, that's what they are. And that's what he's entrusted me with. And I think, you know, Especially if you have multiple kids or you can, one works for this one, but it doesn't work for this one. You end up comparing. Yeah, and you did four, so that's. Yeah, four kids you're gonna have. But God gives you each, each one of them is unique. And then what you're called to do is steward what he's entrusted you with. And I think that's, you could play that out with almost anything in your life. Like this marriage is my marriage that I'm responsible for. And that I've been entrusted. This money that he's entrusted to me, I'm not responsible for your money or your money. I'm responsible for what he's entrusted. And praise his holy name. Yeah, thank goodness. Yes, I'm responsible for this unique blessing.

And even in the hard times to recognize that and to delight in it, to delight in whatever the Lord has trusted you with. And even in the hard times to know that, to keep your. And to be grateful. And I think at the end of the day, right? Like I need to be grateful for this kid. Yeah. Like I need to be. Oh, for sure. Yeah, I need to be grateful. And for this challenge. And there's joy, there's joy to be had in that. I just did on staff, I just did this thing. It's like a 360 review. So all the people around me, some of the elders, people who are my direct reports, people on staff that are in other positions, they all anonymously filled out, here's his strengths, here's his weaknesses, and there's enough of them doing it that you start to see these, you start to see some things about yourself. Well, I'm reading through this and I'm like, I hope nobody else sees this. Like it's just, but what I'm recognizing as I'm reading it, I don't feel defensive. I feel like, I wish I was more this way. I wish I had, I wish I was wired a little bit more this way. I found myself comparing to a few senior pastor friends

of mine that I know are really gifted in these areas that I didn't score very high. And what I was doing in that, I wasn't looking, I could show you your, I don't know, eight or 10 things that are your strengths and eight or 10 things that are your weaknesses. You know where I turned? I turned to my weaknesses. I didn't look at my eight or 10 strengths. I went straight to my weaknesses and was spending all my time just, I mean, I wasn't doing it on purpose. Just the natural tendency is to go to my weaknesses, start thinking, I wish I was, wasn't this way. I wish I was better at these things. Looking at other people who I know are really gifted in these areas and then feeling like, man, I, you know, I feel insecure about that. Where, you know, biblically, that's not that these aren't growth areas. They are growth areas. But biblically, understanding, okay, here's who God's made me to be. Here's the strengths I wanna lean into. And here's the areas where I need help. Here's areas where I need to recognize there's other people who are strong and lean into them. If I spent all my time over here, I don't know that I would get a little better, but not a lot better.

I'd still struggle with those things. And so recognizing, you know, I'm not going to compare myself in a way that leads to insecurity, but in a way that leads to vulnerability. So I'm gonna compare myself and then in a way that leads me to ask God for help, to ask others for help. And that then becomes free, right? That when you see your weaknesses and it lets you lean on people a little bit more. So, you know, within the church, having that type of spirit that says, okay, God's given me some strengths, not for me, but for you to bless my life, but to bless other lives. And I have some weaknesses and those weaknesses are an invitation for me to ask other people for help, to humble myself, to depend on God more fully. And, you know, that's stewarding. That's stewarding who you are. But that's hard, you know, it's hard. Yeah, cause you want to step in there and everything and you just wants to compare your way out of it. Yeah, so what I did on this is my first thought was, I don't want anybody to see it. And then I thought, you know, I'm going to print out copies. I'm going to give it to all the people around me

and I'm just going to let them read it. Cause they already know it. Yeah, I was just going to say. They already know it. You know what I mean? And that ended up being a very freeing thing for me cause I didn't feel like I had to pretend. I mean, I knew it anyway, so I didn't have to pretend. And so, you know, part of breaking that comparison trap is I think, you know, to humble yourself as best you can and be honest, you know. And- I didn't mean to use that as a therapy session. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was perfect because- I think what's next is you're gonna read your report now. Yeah. No, what are you gonna say? But I think that's a beautiful example of the body of Christ. Like when we can recognize the places where he's knitted us together to be this part of the body and that these parts that we struggle in, they're there for somebody else to be that part of the body. And I believe that's when we can start genuinely rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn when we recognize this is my piece

and this is your piece and it's beautiful together. I think we wanna be the whole piece. Yeah, that's the beauty of the church. It's not only we're comparing ourselves, trying to outdo each other, but when we're each stewarding what he's entrusted to us for his glory and for his purpose. Yeah, well, this is awesome. Kyle, will you pray for us as we conclude this podcast? But this idea of comparison, like we don't need that anymore. We need some gratitude. We need some contentment. We need some vulnerability as ways to not live this out and let this block us from fully moving with what God wants us to do. God, we are grateful. We're really grateful for your kindness to us, for your grace towards us. God, we forget, but just now we intentionally remember that you have been so generous and you've given us what we didn't deserve in Jesus and anything good in our lives comes from you. And so we humble ourselves and we just say, thank you. God, we really wanna be good stewards of what you've entrusted to each of us. I pray that you would help us resist the temptation to compare that to other people. And if you would just allow us, God, to be grateful and to be faithful with what you have put in front of us.

And then you tell us to whom, you know, much is given, much is required. And so I do pray we'd feel an appropriate weight of that, that we really would want to be good stewards with eternity in mind of what you've entrusted to us. So would you help us do that? Help us encourage each other in that. God, I pray that as a church, that you would let us be united. We would celebrate with one another. We'd be able to mourn with each other, that we would just be in this together. We love you. It's in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Amen.