Mother's Day at The Refuge

Hey man, we have a special, very special day planned for you this morning, in addition to honoring moms. We really wanted the focus of today to be more about what it means to be a godly woman. We wanna draw from the wisdom of some of the women of this house that represent all generations. And I'm gonna just ask them some questions. We're just gonna have a conversation together, but I want you to get ready for a really special treat and an impartation of wisdom and life and experience of what it means to be a godly mom in a very challenging time. I want you to welcome our panel this morning, Susan and Amber and Candace, as they come to join me on the platform. Would you welcome them? Yes! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Amen, good morning, good morning. Praise the Lord. So great to have you all. Thank you for being a part of this and for allowing me to just sit down, have a conversation with you

to talk about what it means to be a godly woman. And of course, all of you have children, so we can talk about what it means to be a godly mom as well. I've got some questions I'm gonna ask them. But before we do, we'll start with you, Ms. Susan. I want you to just share a little bit about your life. How long have you been married? How many children do you have, or grandkids, or whatever that looks like. And maybe even how long you've been a part of the refuge. We'll go with you. Okay, thank you. I am privileged to be a part of the basement group that started with the refuge and grow with it, and it's been amazing. I have been married for 63 years to... Isn't that incredible? To Wayne Trexler, and he's here today. Many of you have prayed for him with some physical challenges, and he's a miracle man. And we thank the Lord that he's given us three children. We have 12 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. And I'm not sure, but I think we might be the oldest people here. It's amazing. Wayne and Susan were in the basement 22 years ago when we first started the refuge. They've been faithful people here in this house. And I'll tell you men, Wayne Trexler

could probably outwork any person in this auditorium. Still to this day, he's a machine, he's incredible. And he is a miracle. And there are very few women on the planet that I have more love or more respect for than this woman, Susan Trexler. And I'm so thankful for you, Susan. So grateful for you. Amen. Candice? Hi, I'm Candice Benton. My husband Josh and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have three children, Daveny, Cole, and Everly. And we've been in the refuge for a little over five years now, I believe. Yeah, that's so awesome. Amber? Hi, my husband Caleb and I have been married 27 years, but we're only 21, so I don't know how that happens. We have three children, and we've been a part of the refuge for six years now. We came in 2020. And all of your kids are in their 20s now, right? They are in their 20s. Yes, that ages me a little bit, but they're all in the 20s. So it's great because these ladies represent different generations and they've each had different experiences in life and in their relationship with the Lord. And I wanna ask some questions

that will maybe hopefully draw out some of the wisdom and some of the experiences that they've had in life. And the first question I wanna ask, and Amber, I think we'll start with you, is which lady in the Bible would you say that you relate to the most? Or maybe that's one of your favorite biblical characters, not necessarily because of her triumphs, but maybe more because of her struggles and what she's had to overcome. Yes, so Rebecca is the one that I relate to the most. She is wife of Isaac and mother of Jacob and Esau. You remember her? And she did some deceptive things. That's not what I want to relate to today. But we often forget this part of their story. God gave Rebecca the promise years before she ever saw it. So God told her that there were twins. There would be a struggle in her womb and that the younger would serve the older He told her that and she watched the boys grow and some of the traditions of the oldest child gets this and that So I relate to having God. Tell me something Have a promise that he's given me and having to wait for that thing and not get in the way and try to make it happen Sometimes I try to make things God needs me. Yeah, just a little more just need your help a little bit Sure, I can relate to that Candice what about you? Yes, sir. As much as I would love to say that I'm a Mary I Struggled with being a Martha Because I too want to do all the things and want everything to be great and I relate to her so much because I think if I was having an event at my house and

If Jesus was gonna be there Everything would have to be perfect and I would probably be running around like a chicken with my head cut off Trying to get everything done and I too would yell at my sister and say hey stop being lazy Come help me like we have to get this done. Yeah, I feel her. I feel for a girl That's awesome. Susan. What about you? Who do you relate to most in the Bible? Okay. Well, I don't think I started out this way, but I do Identify with Mary now at this stage of my life just because so many things that the Lord has brought me through that I find myself at his feet and Just so grateful if there's anything else, you know when when all of life is is at the end There's nothing that really matters, but your relationship with Jesus And so I just love being there and I'm worshipping him And I think it would be safe to say that The Lord desires that we have some of both Some Martha and some Mary in us because we are called to serve and we are called to just sit at his feet Right. Well, that's beautiful. I want to ask about your just your personal devotional life As I know we're all busy And I know you ladies lead busy lives Especially when you have children you have grandkids So what does your quiet time with the Lord look like? How have you prioritized that and it's kind of a twofold question When you're in those seasons of life where you feel spiritually dry And like your prayers are not going past the ceiling How have you made it through those times and we'll start with you miss Susan So my time with the Lord has grown over the years and so to the present day my personality the way I made is very

kind of spontaneous and Just a freelancer and I love to just grab those Nuggets those little bites of the Lord and just meditate on it and think about it And when I have my time with the Lord I'll just like what are you serving me today and just eat on that but then there are the times when It's dry We all I guess we all have those times and that's when the Lord Turns the other switch on and said no now's the time for discipline just get the word and read what's supposed to be there for the day and Meditate on and just let that word just sink deep into you And so I think he is teaching a balance. Yeah To that. That's awesome Amber we'll go to you next. How do you what's your private? Quiet time with the Lord look like have you survived some of those wilderness seasons of life? my time with the Lord, which I call Jesus time is Very routine. I have a particular spot on my couch. I have a particular blanket I have my ember mug with good coffee. I have my Bible. I have my journal I have all the things the little pack with pens. I have all that and so I Take that time very seriously and it starts my day and it is life-giving to me It really helps me face the world. You don't want to see me without Jesus or without coffee. Those are the two things you want to make sure I have in the morning and they're very precious to me and Even when my kids were growing up and they're young I had to get up before they came before they got up sometimes I remember like 430 there was a short season praise Jesus It was short that I had to get up at 430 to get up before they got up to spend in time with him. And so because I am so routine in the dry seasons,

I have to change it up. Because I think in my routine, sometimes there's an expectation that God's gonna say this or do this and it's gonna be in this way and at this time. But when I choose to change it up and really surround myself even more, try to position myself to hear from him, the music that I listen to, spare moments. Sometimes as a mom, you might be past the stage, Candice, but sometimes in the restroom is all you get. And you have to reset and try to listen intently and reconnect with him throughout the day. So good. Yeah, Candice, how about you? Yeah, so I have a very busy life right now. I homeschool our kids. I'm a stay-at-home mom, so we are together 24-7, which is beautiful. But it also limits any quiet time that I have. Personal time, that's out the window. My quiet time with the Lord looks like as soon as I wake up in the morning, before my feet even hit the floor, because if I'm honest with you, if I go into the kitchen and make a cup of coffee, I'll wake up the dogs and then they'll wanna go out and they'll want breakfast and then they'll wake the kids up and then my morning's gone. So before I even get up, I turn on my lamp

and I read out of my Bible. I have a set number, a minimum of chapters that I'll read every morning. And if time allows, then I'll journal and I'll write prayers for my children and my husband. And also just throughout the day of just trying to be in communion with Him constantly, whether I'm washing dishes and I'm praying or I'm folding laundry, I'm praying, I'm driving, it's constantly seeking His face every day. And in those dry seasons, because I have been disciplined to do this every morning, it's become a routine for me. So even when I wake up and maybe I don't feel like it, maybe I'm really tired, I still do it. And I may not remember exactly what I read that morning because I might be too tired, but you know what? My conscious brain doesn't remember it, but my soul remembers it. And that's what's beautiful about the Lord. He makes up for our weaknesses. Yeah, yeah, so good. We'll move on to the next question because we all know that the cultural battles that we face and fight nowadays can be very challenging to remain true to your convictions as a follower of Christ and as a believer. So I wanna talk about that for a moment. Before we do, we know that a lot of people are struggling nowadays.

We know the influence of media. We know the influence of social media. Statistics have shown, research has shown, 25% of all women in America deal with depression on a daily basis, 25%. We also know, according to research, 51% of ladies in America consume alcohol on a pretty consistent basis. And those are just a few things, but there's many other cultural influences that are negatively impacting the lives of so many people. So I really wanna ask you, how do you stay true to your convictions in the midst of so much that's changing culturally that's influencing the church? And Candice, we'll start with you. So luckily, I don't struggle with this too much. The reason being, I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. I homeschool my kids. I love the church. My social club are my children, and the beautiful women from the refuge that I have surrounded myself with, shout out to Monday Morning Prayer, and all of the refuge women that are godly women that run beside me. And so it's so beautiful professionally. I work for our business from home, so I don't have the pressures of corporate world, thankfully. I've created a bubble, and I love my bubble, y'all.

I'm not on social media, so I don't have that. However, raising children in today's culture is proving to be very difficult. I am trying to teach my children that it is black and white, there's no gray. What I mean by that is, just because your friends on the baseball team like this specific song, it may not have bad words in it, but what is the intent behind the song? What are they really saying? Is that glorifying to Jesus? If it's not, we don't need to listen to it. Just because of some clothing that's on trend, do my girls need to wear that? No, they do not, because it is not glorifying to Jesus. Their body is their temple. It should be covered. So we're not gonna participate in those things. So being a filter for my children and standing in front of them in this day and age to filter out what is coming to them is definitely becoming challenging. So good, yeah. Amber, we'll go back to you. How about you? Yeah, I think in this season of my life, my personal convictions and staying true to. just away from what culture is teaching us is easier. It honestly is. I am a very relational person.

So with things like this, I try my best to impact those around me. So what are they believing? What are they thinking? So as I'm relating to people, I'm often, as they're talking to me, I'm praying, asking the Lord, what's my role here? You know, is there a truth of your word that you want me to share with them? Is there something about what they believe in culture that this is the moment, this is the moment that I can make an impact on what they believe. And so I feel like relying on the Holy Spirit to take advantage of those moments as they come. And I'm not, I can be confrontational, but I'm not combative. And so when the conversation gets combative, I would say that's when I pull back because I feel like the Jesus I want people to see in me is the love, relational Jesus. That's who I know, that's who's loved me, transformed my life. And there is truth that needs to be stated, but for me and the way I'm wired, when it gets combative, I'm gonna say, let's come back to this conversation another time. And I believe God will give me opportunity to address it and challenge the truth that they believe with the word of God.

That's good. Yeah, Ms. Susan, how about you? You've seen a lot of changes through your lifetime, I would imagine. Oh my goodness, yes. And I will have to say at this stage of my life, because I don't have children at home, none of, and the grandchildren are all other places. But I can just say, because of the Holy Spirit revealing the source behind these cultural attacks, that we're having, the Holy Spirit lets me know, and like he does many of you at times, this is a spiritual battle. And I'm telling you, my bear rises up inside of me, and I just come in the name of Jesus and combat it by the body and blood of Jesus, because it makes me disturbed to see that the enemy is putting his foot in the lives of people to prevent them from their destiny and take them in another direction. So I intercede and pray in the spirit and sing in the spirit and worship Jesus so that all of you and your children and your future grandchildren will have ammunition to fight against the culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so good. Powerful. And honestly, I don't know how anybody can stay true to their convictions without an intimate personal relationship

with the person of the Holy Spirit. Paul said, I'll walk in the spirit so I don't fulfill the desires of the flesh. So let's talk about, let's talk about the fruit of the spirit for a moment. I wanna ask you, what trait of the fruit of the spirit? Because it's one fruit, it's not fruits. It's one fruit with many attributes. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control. So which one of those nine attributes of the fruit of the spirit comes easy for you? Like it just flows out of you. But also, which one would you say is the most challenging for you? And we'll stay with you, Mrs., and we'll start with you. Okay, well, for me, it has to be joy because if you've been to my house, it's everywhere. I have it on placards in the carport, in the front door. I have it on little sayings all throughout the rooms of my house because when the Lord prompted my heart to study more about the body and blood of Jesus and the many things that that accomplishes for us over 20 years ago, it has never stopped teaching me. So joy, the joy that was set before Jesus caused him to go to the cross and that joy was having us back and being connected with him. So that has been just,

it's been a result of the root of Jesus flowing through this plant, and I'm thankful for that. Along with that, the one that has been still a work in progress, and the King James Version says in those fruits, long-suffering, and so what I found is in those joyful joyful days and and lifestyle then sometimes there comes a very dry season where I don't feel that and it's not rolling and out of me like it normally does so that's when the Lord says no matter what you're facing now I'm teaching you when I pull back those emotions I'm teaching you how to trust me how to lean on me and not depend on how you feel yeah but trust my word because it never fails amen amen amen and Susan has also written a book on joy that I actually have in my office it's great Candice what about you which of the traits of the fruit of the Spirit do you relate to the most I think love comes the easiest for me I want to love well I want to love big I want to love with my whole heart and so I'm asking the Lord all the time to expand my capacity to love and to love others because I want to love like Jesus and the one that I know I struggle with hopefully some of y'all feel the same way is self-control because do I want to eat that third cookie yes I do okay I really do when someone cuts me off in traffic and you know the kind where you have to slam on your brakes your purse goes flying forward all your stuff falls out in the floorboard do I want to shout at them yes I do maybe I have but praise God for his forgiveness because mercies are new every morning and he is teaching me slowly to work through all those things but honestly self self-control is also self-discipline it's dying to your flesh every day and choosing God's way over the fleshly way and what you want to do right yeah so good I said this in the first service but is it is it bad that when she talked about self-control and should I eat that third cookie is it bad that your pastor was thinking like third like I'm thinking sixth or seventh cookie I mean maybe I need to pray for more self-control Amber what about you I

think joy comes the easiest to me I am pretty positive every day is pretty cool with me things come my way but I usually handle them with calmness and peace and I love there's a scripture in Proverbs Proverbs 15 verse 13 and there's a translation that talks about the happy heart like if your heart is happy it puts a smile on your face and so I'm always praying for the joy of the Lord that's part of my routine that God would keep joy fresh in me so that there's an authentic smile on my face plastic smile no thank you but an authentic joy of the Lord happy heart I I do okay with that but I work on it I really do the one that challenges me the most is patience and that is directly connected to a strength that God put in me and that happens sometimes right so I'm a pretty responsible person pretty organized and so I can be impatient with people like did you not get the email that I sent you you didn't see the note that I left for you or the text that I you didn't see that okay so when something's on my to-do list I'm getting it done and what I'm trying to work on is being more patient in that not just in some of those trivial things but also in the way that God is working in his people you know there's an alignment a partnership that I can get on board with if I'm really tuned in to what God's doing in people the notes not gonna matter the email that they miss even if it was five times pastor Jay if it was five times it's okay God's working out something amen so I'm learning to be patient amen so we're just gonna pause for just a moment full disclosure here Amber works here at the refuge she oversees all of our volunteers in our surf community here and she is also my personal assistant patience patience and the Lord is using all of us to help Amber develop more patience thank you the refuge More specifically, thank you, Pastor Jay. You're very welcome. I could respond to the email the very first time that you sent it. I'm just trying to be used to the Lord to help you there. Yeah.

All right, let's move on. What's a hard lesson that God has taught you recently about your own heart or about your own life? Maybe a difficult or painful lesson or maybe one that he's tried to teach you before, but you didn't respond well and he's circled back around to that with you. And Amber, we'll stay with you. We'll start with you on that one. I would say pride. And that's hard to admit. It's something I've struggled with for years. And I think as God's growing me, I have a handle on it in some areas, but not in others, right? Wouldn't it be nice when you learn lessons from the Lord that it just covers all, all the things, deep things in my heart, all the surface things, all the stuff. But when I get alone with God and I'm thinking about my relationships with people and how I really just think I need to help out everybody and everything. And the intention of that honestly is pure. It really is. But the reality is that falls back to who? Me. It falls back to me making it happen. Me helping God out. Me helping people out.

And so when I can live more humbly and rely on God to do his thing, not try to be the Holy Spirit, that's a big one. We blame the Holy Spirit for things that we just wanna do. You know, when God's saying, look, I got this. And guess what? I love you, but I don't need you in this right here. I just need you to relax. Yeah, that's good. So good. Candace, how about you? What's a hard lesson God's taught you recently? You're stepping on my toes today. We're about to get real personal. Oh, gosh. A hard truth that the Lord has revealed to me over about the last year is that maybe sometimes I don't always fully trust him with everything, especially when it comes to my kids, which is wild because my heart knows that God loves my children. He loves them dearly and he has a plan and a purpose for them and he has a future for them. And his plans are so much better than mine. And he's healed my son, so why in the world would I not fully trust him with them?

But my mom heart wants to hold on to some control. So he's been so patient and so kind and he's slowly teaching me how to release and give it all to him. So good. So good. Ms. Susan, what about you? Yes, because my life growing up, I did not grow up in a Christian home. I didn't have born again parents or grandparents around me. My road to the Lord was a little bit long and hard. And when I came to him, he was so delightful to me. And as I shared all these things that he has taught me and changed me, my problem now and the hard truth that God is continuing to get in me is because I tend to expect you to relate to God exactly the way I do. And when he gives me a truth, I don't understand why you don't get it the way I do. And so the Lord is teaching me and I've had to ask forgiveness for demanding, not intentionally meaning to hurt anybody, but when they receive it as an offense and for me to just ask forgiveness and go on. And the Lord is teaching me how to honor and respect the way other people hear from God, not just the way I do. Well, that's really good. So good. Last two questions and I wanna circle back to you, Candice, because you talked about the trust issue with the Lord,

but can you recall a time that the Lord answered a prayer with a no to you? And I've heard that God always answers prayer, answers in three ways. He says yes, or he says no, or sometimes he says later. But can you recall a time where the Lord said no to you and the old saying is hindsight is 20-20. And as you look back on that, maybe you didn't understand it at the moment. Maybe it's hard to trust him because it's something you were really believing for, but maybe as you've looked back, you've recognized it was the protective hand of God on your life. Oh, absolutely, 100%. I was younger, I had a dream and a career path that I was pursuing, and the Lord said no. And at the time, that was very disappointing to me because it was something that I always hoped for, I always dreamed for, but like I said, his plans are better than mine, and he had a different plan for my life, and one that would far be anything better than I could ever have imagined. And so now, my family is my ministry, and I am blessed to be able to be at home with them and to homeschool them, and that was his plan, not mine. Amen, amen. And Susan, what about you? Was there a time that you recall, God said no,

but it was, you saw his protection over you? Well, this time was before I was even saved. Did you know that God enters our lives and helps us out before we even know him through Jesus? But he saved me from a wrong relationship, a male that I was dating at the end of my high school career, and it would have been utter disaster, but I didn't have any insight or understanding, but God intervened and said no, and I'll just have to say, what he did send me was a wonderful, God-fearing man. Come on, Wayne Trexler. And it has been the greatest blessing in my life. Amen, praise God. Amber, what about you? Is there one that comes to mind? Yes, the timing of the birth of our last child, we knew we wanted a third child, but when he came, we just could not see. We were moving to North Carolina. We were coming to Plano Church. It was whole new culture. We came from New York, whole, everything was new, and I did not understand, like, Jesus, this is not where you bring a baby. Like this, no, no, this is not what happens, you know? And I remember the challenge of ministry during that time. Once everything got aligned, there is no way our family could have remained healthy with a newborn.

There's no way. So by the time we were doing what we were doing in ministry at the time, I think Bryson was like five or six, which is very different. The demand is different on you as husband and wife, as mom and dad, when kids are older versus having a new baby. So I told God a lot of things I did at the time, but then I learned, you know? Like his way is better. His way is better. And surrendering to that, there's always joy in that. That's so good. And Isaiah said, his ways are higher than our ways. And there is that trust element. When we can't, the old saying is, when you can't trace his hand, you trust his heart. And we always believe that his heart is for us. Last question, I want our worship team to come on out. Here's the last question. You're sitting down, you're having a face-to-face conversation with your 20-year-old self. What's one piece of advice that you're gonna give 20-year-old Amber? We'll start with you. I'm gonna say buckle your seatbelt, girl. It's gonna be a ride. Specifically, as it relates to God's faithfulness,

I was one, at 20, I was in Bible college, newly married, really just running after the Lord. And so I wanted to learn about his faithfulness, but I wanted to do it relationally with mentors. I wanted to read about it in his word. I wanted to read books. And I'm like, God's gonna be faithful. I don't wanna be surprised. He's gonna tell me all the things. But what I learned was faithfulness, true faithfulness and trust in him is learned through personal experience and trials. And in the trials, I learned that, man, he's a sure foundation. He will be there. And as I'm praying and as I'm living this life and the trials come, his promise is he's with us. His promise isn't that there won't be any trials or hardship, but we learn faithfulness as he's with us through the heart. So that's what I would tell her, girl, get ready. You're gonna learn it though, and it's gonna be good. Amen, that's so good, yeah. Candace, what about you? You're talking to 20-year-old Candace. What are you saying to her? I would say, Candace, go find the refuge. Kidding, not kidding though. Gosh, there are so many things that I would love to have told myself back then.

But one thing that I would say is that God is so good and he has such. good plans for your life, something better than what you could have imagined, and that you cannot stop chasing after Him. Don't put anybody else off on a pedestal. Don't idolize anyone else or anything that you chase after the Lord with all your heart. So good. I love it. Miss Susan, 20-year-old Susan Trexler, because you were a Trexler at age 20, I learned. Yes, I was. Yes, I would look at her and I would say, you don't have to live broken. You have a healer. A healer of everything. There's nothing in the past that can pull you down because God's sin is worse than you think, but God is better than you think. Come on, that'll preach. And just love Him and learn who He is because He, we love because He first loved us. Yeah. So just get to know your Father. Amen. He's better than you think.