Loneliness vs. True Community

Okay. Hello, everyone. It's good to be with you. Again, I'm Angela Bice. I'm normally at the Grants Trail Campus. I have the privilege of being the campus pastor there, so I got to love bomb them. Love you guys. I'll be back with you next week. I know they're there watching, as well as Fenton and Midrivers and those of you watching online. It's good for us to all be together. Right now, it's good to be here with you all. We are in a series that we're calling Anchored. When Pastor Greg opened this series just a few weeks ago, he used a quote that has really stuck with me. It may have stuck with you, too. It's from Angie Eisner. She said this, we live today with a constant underlying hum of uncertainty. Anybody? We live with a constant underlying hum of uncertainty. She goes on to say, we're living with a persistent background sense of instability and longing for something steady and trustworthy. So we've talked about one of the main things people are longing for today is hope. We're looking for hope, and so we sense this uncertainty, looking for something that's trustworthy. And so we're basing this series on a verse from Hebrews that says, the hope we receive from God is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. That's good news. It's a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls because here's what we know can happen. Storms come along, and we get shaken and rattled and off course. And even without storms, just the day to dayness of life, we can drift without an anchor that holds us steady. So that ache inside of that uncertainty we live with, that searching for hope tells us that we need something to anchor us, to hold us steady. And what we're focusing on and what the truth is, only Jesus can be that trustworthy anchor of your soul. And this is good news for all of us. So today we're going to focus on something that can put us off course, that can cause us to drift, that can bring that ache of uncertainty, and that's that so many of us experience loneliness. Now aren't you excited about that? Doesn't that sound exciting? Lonely, yay. But I think we're going to find encouragement and we're going to find hope as we do this together. So first let's pray and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to us. Jesus, thank you. Thank you that you are what we need. Thank you that in a life that, in a world that feels chaotic, in a world that feels uncertain, we can turn to you and you will be the anchor that holds us steady and guides us. You are trustworthy, you are strong, and I just pray today that you will speak to us, to each of our hearts. May we just all be present to you and present to what you want to say. And we pray all this

in your name. Amen. Amen. Well Henry Nouwen says loneliness is the place of our greatest pain, but also the place of our greatest encounter with God. Now that might sound crazy to you if you're in a season of terrible loneliness, like wow, that doesn't sound like what I'm experiencing at all. Or it may give you great hope, I hope it does, give you hope that gosh not only am I experiencing this, but I can sense, I can experience the presence of God right in the middle of what I'm going through. So before we get started, we like to talk to each other around here, and so I want you to talk to the people around you about this. How big a problem do you think loneliness is in our world today? Alright, share that with the people around you. How big a problem do you think loneliness is in our world today? Okay. You know, I don't think many of us would have thought that loneliness would be would be surprised to learn that this is a problem in our world today. It's something we're experiencing. In fact, the Surgeon General has recently declared isolation and loneliness an epidemic in our country. We are experiencing more loneliness. The surveys research has shown that half of the adults in our country will say they experience significant loneliness. And so that's not a surprise to you. If you have experienced that, that feeling of being alone, that ache of longing for something more, or if you've walked with someone who has, just four years ago, we did that in my family. We lost my precious mama. She went on to be with Jesus. And we walked with my dad while we felt it. We felt it the strongest for him

because he lost the love of his life. They've been married 67 years. Yeah. And he's watching. Hey, daddy from Mississippi, I love you. Okay, had to do that. But we walked with him as everything changed in his life. He had laid down his life for three years to be a full-time caregiver to her. And so I understand, and we know, that ache of loneliness as we walk with those around us. So you might think, well, who is the most affected? Like what age group? What season of life are we the most affected by loneliness? And your guess might be it's those like my dad, the elderly. Did we say elderly anymore? That like nobody in here would probably say, oh, I don't fit that category. That's okay. Okay, maybe those who have more years behind them and in front of them. Is that what we would say? But actually the research shows that 74% of those who say they live with profound significant loneliness were between the ages of 15 and 35. That was surprising to me. But we can probably guess some of the reasons why. We live today in the world of door dash, live stream, work from home.

Emails and text messages have replaced phone calls or meeting face-to-face. We now pre-order coffee so we can just run in and pick it up and run back out instead of sitting and talking to people or even just sitting alone to see who you might run into. You can get a degree without ever stepping foot into a classroom. You can teach now without ever stepping in front of a classroom. And while none of those things are bad or wrong, they contribute to our isolation and our loneliness. Did you know that people have their groceries delivered today? I don't think you've really experienced parenting until you've drug children through the grocery store. And you get to the checkout and you're like, nope, I didn't put that in there. And I didn't put that in there. So we live in this world where we are, we are as actually as companionship and engaging goes down, we're discovering that isolation and loneliness increases. So this is what we're experiencing in our world today. And this is why the conversation we had last week with Pastor Greg, where he said, actually what's happening is technology and AI are becoming substitutes for real life interaction, for face-to-face, for flesh and blood. And actually someone showed me an article this week where research is now showing there's a new diagnosis

they're coming up with. And it's called chat box psychosis, AI psychosis. Look it up, it's true. And that is where people are getting so into what they've created that's not real, the substitute that they're losing reality. They're losing touch with reality and starting to believe more in what they're finding in technology than the flesh and blood. Brene Brown says this, connection is why we're here. We are hardwired to connect with others. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. And without it, there is suffering. There is no substitute for human interaction. And because we are substituting, we are losing touch with reality. So while loneliness is on the rise in our culture today, and we're discovering that, research proves it, even the medical community is concerned about our physical and mental health for the isolation that we're experiencing. They're now connecting it to a lot of cardiovascular diseases, increased risk of stroke, depression, anxiety, premature death. Even they are acknowledging that this is a problem in our world today, but it's not a new problem. This has been part of the human story and the human experience since Adam and Eve had to leave the garden.

That was the first big leap to being isolated because no longer were they walking face-to-face with God. Because of their sin, because sin. Then entered the picture. Things were no longer as they should be. We were created with connection, like Brene Brown said, but first and foremost, connection with God. And God spends the whole rest of the story redeeming what was lost there. And we live with an ache that feels like a homesickness, longing for it to be made right, longing for what was lost in that moment. Now I know that many of you sitting here or watching maybe online or listening to me and going, hey, girl, I would give five minutes for time alone. I know who you are, parents of young children, maybe teachers who've been in the classroom all year, siblings with a large family, or I mean, many of us are like, I need time alone. Maybe you've been living with a roommate in college all year and you're just happy to have a little time alone. During COVID, when we were all shut down, I talked with a mom of children and her husband, they were all locked down and she called me one day and she said, they follow me all around the house. I'll be in the living room and I'll sneak off and within five minutes, each one, even the dog has found their way to wherever I go. So many of us crave alone time. We crave time to ourselves.

But listen, craving time alone is not the same thing as feeling lonely. You can be in a room full of people, you can be at a crowd, you can be at your own dining room table and feel alone. And it also doesn't mean that when you're alone, you feel lonely, right? Because loneliness, what we're talking about is an ache in the heart. And so one thing I love about the Bible is we see real people experiencing real emotions, going through real stories, and it's honest. They're honest with us about things they went through. So you have people in the Bible who even as they were on mission with God, they experienced isolation, abandonment, loneliness, feeling forgotten, betrayed. And so one of the things we love when we point to the Bible is that if we slow down, I think it's great to read the Bible through, you know, front to finish, however fast you want to, but it's also really important to slow down and to really look and sit with the people whose stories we read. Like, what were they feeling? What were they thinking? What were they experiencing? Wow, that heartache feels deep because we find ourselves in those stories. And then even better than that,

we found how God responded, how God showed up, how they did have, even at the hardest times, encounters with God. And it gives us hope for how he'll come to us today. So that's what I wanted to do. We're gonna look at a few of those stories. We're just gonna glaze the surface of who they were and what they experienced. So it'd be great if you went back and read their stories, especially if there's one that really connects with you and what you feel like your story is. And you might be surprised if you're familiar with the Bible, you'll probably recognize the people we're gonna mention today. If not, it may come as a surprise to you. This is not just a book about do's and don'ts and how to live. It's real stories that we find ourselves in. So lean in and listen to that. So first there's Moses. And we find the story of Moses in the book of Exodus. Now Moses shouldered the burden of leading an entire nation from slavery to freedom. And he often felt alone in that leadership and often misunderstood in that. But before that moment, if we back up in Moses' life, when he was young, he was in a place where there was slavery. The Egyptians had the Hebrews enslaved.

And Moses was fully Hebrew, the slaves, but he was raised in Pharaoh's household, the enslavers. So Moses had a foot in both worlds. And having raised children primarily overseas, we lived in a different country. And there's a phrase we learned as they were growing up, and it's called third culture kid. And this is children who are growing up who maybe their parents' culture doesn't fit the culture they're living in, or maybe their parents come from two different cultures. And what we learned and what the research showed about third culture kids is they're fully comfortable in both cultures, but they don't 100% belong to either one. And so when I read this, I thought, oh man, Moses was the first third culture kid because he wasn't fully in this culture, wasn't fully in this one. And not only that, but the two cultures he experienced were against each other. One was abusing the other. If Moses wasn't counseling today, I think a counselor wouldn't be here today. Would say it was cognitive dissonance living in sight of him And so this is what and we know that this was a conflict for him read his story You'll discover that that this was disturbing for him But then you move further down into moses life and now he's leading the people god calls him to lead the hebrew the slaves Out of slavery from the egyptians from the culture. He grew up in And moses often felt alone Alone discouraged in fact in one of his most honest prayers to god. Here's what he says

Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? I cannot carry these people by myself. The burden is too heavy for me This burden is too heavy for me Maybe that's what you can relate to if you're leading in any way Maybe at work or at school in your own home with your own children If you're a coach or a teacher there are times when it's up to you To see the way through It's up to you to make the decisions It's up to you to figure it out and the burden can feel too heavy And this is what moses was expressing This burden feels too heavy. You might can relate relate to moses And then there's david If uh, if you know the bible at all, if you went to sunday school, even you've probably know several stories of david's life We're going to look at two of the most popular things about david. The first one is when he fought the giant goliath With a simple slingshot and he brought him down when none of the the brave men would fight him and that's a defining moment in his life But a different defining moment came before that one When david was younger and he was the youngest son of many Many sons he was out tending the sheep taking care of the family business And the famous prophet showed up at his dad's house And he said god has shown me that one of your sons is going to be the next king of israel And so he said one by one. I want you to bring your sons in front of me and god's going to show us Which one it is So they did that one by one the sons came through And each time god said it's not that one It's not that one. It's not that one And finally they were done and the prophet's like so is this all the sons that you have? And his dad goes, I mean, there's the baby who's out and taking care of the sheep any babies here

Okay, i'm a middle child so we don't feel sorry for you at all we know that you've got everything Yeah So the baby comes through and it's david And god says yep, he's the one So in front of his family and his brothers david is anointed to be the next king of israel However, it's not up and to the right for him from that point David ends up running for his life for probably up to 10 years from the current king Hiding in caves moving from place to place. He even ends up being a mercenary a soldier for hire for the for the philistines And in this place listen to what david says There is nothing better for me than that. I should escape to the land of the philistines There is nothing better for me Than how it is right now This will never change This isn't gonna Go anywhere No hope no future This is the best. This is probably the best there is for me Even the king who he was serving of the philistines said this about david By now, the people of israel must hate him bitterly Now he will have to stay here and serve me forever Have you ever felt overlooked Or underestimated Or like your future just slipped through your hands and there's no going back David must have sat in this place and gone but god said I was going to be a king But everyone around me sees me as a permanent servant David actually is the david who wrote a lot of the psalms that we love to read by the way If you're ever struggling with discouragement or loneliness go read the psalms And he's really honest you see the highs and highs you see the lows and lows

And listen to some of what david who was anointed to be the king of israel wrote Turn to me and have mercy for i'm alone and in deep distress I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought No one will help me. No one cares a bit about what happens to me anybody It doesn't feel like anybody Cares what happens to me me, anointed to be a king, living as a servant. This was David's life. So like I said, the Psalms are full of different emotions, different feelings, different seasons of life that they express sometimes within the same Psalm all at once. And when I've done retreats before, there often comes a time where I'm like, okay, I want you to go away and find somewhere along, find some space, and I want you to write Psalm 151. And people look in their Bibles and I'm like, my Bible doesn't have Psalm 151. And I'm like, yeah, you're going to write it. This is your, it hadn't been written yet. And so we go away and we write what we would write, even if we're not writers, even if we're going to throw it away and no one sees it. So right now I want you one more time to talk to each other. This is not therapy session. It's only going to take a minute. But if you were writing a Psalm today, not the whole Psalm, but what would the theme be? What would the title of the Psalm of your life right now be if you were pouring your heart out to God in writing? Okay. Take just a minute to do that. Okay. So what would your Psalm be? It's good. Maybe later go home and try that. So in Genesis 16, we meet Hagar. Now Hagar was an Egyptian servant living in the house of Abraham. This meant that she was a foreigner. She had no choice of where she lived or what her life was like. She was most likely outcast, ethnically, socially, culturally. She finds herself in a conflict that is not at all of her making. She's subject to a jealous wife and she ends up in the wilderness alone with no choice, no power, no way through. She was in one of the most marginalized positions of the ancient world. And while she's in the wilderness now caught in this conflict, sent away, she's in the wilderness with her son thinking they're both just going to die. This was a desperate situation for her. And then there's Hannah in 1 Samuel. Hannah carried that personal grief of infertility in a world and in a culture

where that meant honor, identity, and security. Again, no choice, nothing that she could do to move it forward except to cry out to God. Now with each of these people we've mentioned, their stories don't stop there. We're going to get to that. We'll get to that. But I just wanted us to be able to understand that a lot of this loneliness and ache that we feel, a lot of the heartache and homesickness is not new. This has been part of the human experience since we left the garden. And that should give us hope because we can go and look and see how it was navigated to see how God showed up. Because he does show up. You could go read about Jeremiah, who they call the weeping prophet. Paul, who spent a lot of his life in prison but then wrote half of the New Testament. There's Mary, who found herself at the foot of her cross, of her son, who was falsely accused. There's nothing harder than seeing your child suffer. And there's Elijah, who was convinced he was the only one left in the world who served God at all, the only one who had stayed faithful. These are stories that we can relate to, real people who lived real things. So this week we talked Some of us on staff about, when you talk about lonely, is there like a definition that we would go to? And so we came up with two things. One is this, the ache of feeling disconnected from the relationships for which God created us, with God, with others, and with ourselves, that ache of feeling disconnected. It's also the quiet ache of feeling unseen, unknown, or disconnected, even while longing to belong. So I wanna quickly just talk to three groups of us who might be sitting here. You might fall in one or more of these groups. And the first is, if you are living circumstances that's driving you to loneliness, or maybe driving you to isolation, maybe it's a loss, a loss of a person, a loss of a job, a loss of your reputation, maybe divorce,

maybe you're a child living in a chaotic, broken home, maybe it's the loss of feeling connected even in a marriage, or maybe it's shame. There's something from your past that just brings such isolation to you that you just can't get past. Surely, surely God can't forgive this. This week we heard from a single woman in her 30s, and listen to what she said. I have this desire that is yet to be met. What do I do with something like that? What do you do when it's the deepest longing of your heart and everyone around you is experiencing what you want, and it feels like the reality of that thing slips further and further away until the thought of it ever happening feels impossible? A longing, and maybe that's not your longing, but maybe you feel a longing that is yet to be met. What do I do with that? So maybe your circumstances drive you to loneliness, or maybe it's not your circumstances at all, and you say, you know, I even feel crazy with this loneliness that I feel because I'm meeting my goals, and I feel secure, and I feel loved, and if anyone looked at my life, they would say, ah, if I could just have what you have. So why do I feel this ache in my heart? What's missing? As far as anyone can tell, I have it all, but when your head hits the pillow at night,

you are overcome with a loneliness, and maybe it's driving you to some of the things we talked about that substitute, that numb, that keep you isolated, and you know what, it's possible that you feel that ache, and no one knows. No one would ever guess what's going on inside of you because you can't imagine that it's even justified. What is this ache in my heart, and can I just say, if your hope or your anchor is in anything besides Jesus, that ache is not gonna go away, no matter how wonderful your life is, no matter how many goals you meet. That is a substitute anchor that we tend to put our hope in. And so what do we do? Well, first of all, we go back to where we started. The hope we receive from God is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls, and there's no other anchor like that. This 30-something-year-old woman also went on to write, but God has met me here, and I have found purpose in my longing, and I have experienced his faithfulness, but for her to say it and express it was the first step. I have a very supportive, loving husband. It's a little bit ironic that I was writing this message on loneliness, and he's out of the country for several weeks, and I was like, well, isn't that interesting? I have a very loving, supportive husband.

I've got good community, and over the 40-plus years that we've been married, we have faced some hard things together, including raising a severely disabled son, and what I have found is as supportive as we are for each other, my head would hit the pillow at night, and I felt the ache of loneliness. I felt the ache of something missing, and what I discovered through those years is that there is a place where Jesus can go that no person can go. There is a longing in my heart that no person can fill, and let me tell you this. No person can bear the weight of being your Savior. No person can bear the weight of being your hope and your provider and your anchor. What we have to learn is that we get in the boat together, and Jesus is our anchor, but so often, we even put our hope and self-worth Substitute someone who is wonderful and good and loving in the hands of someone else. or a good and loving community. And we think that's our anchor. We think that's our hope. And you'll never even hear us say here that this church is your anchor. You'll hear us invite you in and together we are anchored to Jesus. We do this together. No political party, no job, no 401k,

nothing can be your anchor but Jesus. Even though those are all good things and God uses them to meet our needs. So where do we start? We start by inviting Jesus to be our savior. It's possible that part of the reason some of you stay hidden is because the messages you've received in your life is that you're just too much. Too emotional, too quiet, too loud, too sensitive, too sick, too, too, too, too. And so what we need to do is we need to find people who can give us perspective. Faithful, Christ-following, loving people. Because when we get in that place of isolation and if we refuse to share it with anyone, then the messages that come through can be, I'm the only one that's ever felt this. I'm all alone. There is no hope. There is no way forward. We can reach a place where we get more and more and more isolated. Find a community, find people. This is what we love to help people do. It may be that you need a counselor. It may be that you need a spiritual director or talk to a pastor, whatever it is. Take a step out of isolation. Take a step towards community, towards people. My son, when he was little, he used to,

well, he talked all the time. He just talked all the time. He was a little guy who talked all the time. And so there were times where he would be talking and I would be doing the dishes or doing something else because, I mean, I had to get stuff done. And so I was doing my thing and one day he stopped and he goes, mommy, listen to me with your eyes. He wanted me to stop and look at him. Do you know what my son was saying, my little five-year-old was saying? We're made for connection, mom. I need your eye contact. I need your attention. And I think things have pulled us away from that. Even when we're together right now, there are things that are drawing our attention, even when we're in each other's presence. There was a series of photographs that circulated around recently where a photographer took pictures of people on their cell phones with other people, but he removed the cell phones to show them what we actually look like. Let me show, I'm just gonna show you two or three of these. Here we are together as a family. And the next one. And then one more. So you might wanna pay attention to what you look like when you're with the people

you're around, the people who you love. And you might wanna pay attention with your eyes on them instead of technology. Okay, so studies show that the three things that decrease loneliness in our lives are relationships, service, and community. And if you've been around here long, you've heard us talk about the three E's. This is exactly what we're talking about. We say we explore truth in community. We experience grace together. We form relationships. And we express love by serving. Some of, one of the best things you can do is to find a way outside of yourself. Did you know there are other lonely people in the world? There, I talked to a single woman once who had so longed for her life to be different. And she said, and what I thought was gonna, the only thing that could change my life is for that longing to be filled with a person. And she said, but what happened is I went to Big Brothers, Big Sisters and found a little girl who needed me. And so I served her. So that's the third group. Third and final group I wanna talk to. There's those of us who find that our circumstances drive us to loneliness. Those who are saying my circumstances

aren't really the problem. So what's the problem? I actually feel lonely. And then there's those who would go, you know, but I don't feel like I'm experiencing loneliness and my circumstances aren't terrible. And you know, I'm not sure that this relates to me at all. And can I challenge you that there are probably lonely people around you? Maybe sitting next to you. to you, maybe at work or in your neighborhood, maybe in your own family. There are people longing for a place and you could be the one to say, join our family or join me. Moses actually, after he ran away from the life he was living and God was calling him back to lead his people, Moses has found a quiet, cozy life for himself. And then God comes along and says, I'm calling you to go back. And this is my translation, Moses goes, all right, first of all, not qualified. Nope, that's not in my gift mix, Lord. I don't think that's what I need to do. And God keeps talking to him and finally Moses is like, I don't want to do that. That is not what I want to do. Could you go and say a simple prayer and say, God, I love my space.

I love my privacy. I love my comfort. I love my life. I'm open to being interrupted. I'm open to you showing me a person who needs what I have to offer. I talked to a young mom recently and she and her husband have had 20 foster children in their homes. And they're in the process of raising their own children. Will you allow God to interrupt you? Can he ask for some of your time? Where you spend your time will show what's important to you. Can he ask for some of your resources? Can he ask for a seat at your table? Can you say a prayer and say, God, show me? Can you make space? So, Romans 12 says this, and maybe this one is just for you. Don't just pretend to love others, really love them. Hate what is wrong, hold tightly to what is good, love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other. When God's people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. So, can we open our eyes to those who may be lonely or isolated around us? Back to my dad. My dad is 90 years old now,

and he has found community in his church. He is there every time the doors are open. He goes to an early, early morning small group, men's small group, where he has found community. He serves all the people living in the retirement community with him. He has done, as I read this, I was like, Dad did all those things. And while he still has the ache of missing the love of his life, he is fulfilled. He's not lonely, he's not isolated. And his circumstances could have driven him there. Moses, in fact, led the nation to the promised land. Moses was called a friend of God, but listen, when you read his story, here's what you're gonna learn. God didn't remove the heavy burden of leading those people. He was just with him. And Moses, if he was here today, he would say, and it was worth it, because I encountered God. David, well, David did become the king of Israel after that. Soon after the verse we read earlier, he also wrote this. Then, there's always a then. Then I pray to you, O Lord, and I say, you are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life. A strong and trustworthy anchor for my soul, is what David would say. Hagar and her son didn't die in the wilderness that day. In fact, God showed up and rescued her in a big way,

and Hagar gave God a new name that day, Elroid, the God who sees. When she thought no one saw her, outcast, foreigner, abandoned, no power, no control, but it was God who saw her, and he made a hopeful promise over her son's life. Hannah had her son and others, but that son was the very Samuel who showed up at David's dad's house to anoint the next king of Israel. Now, what we're not saying is every longing of your heart is gonna get answered exactly like you want it to. What we're not saying is that each of these things will turn out the way that we ask. What we are saying is there is a hope, and a strong and trustworthy anchor, and your encounter with God will be more important and more profound and a stronger anchor than anything else he could give you. He gives you himself. And then there's Jesus. Because here's what God knew, they need flesh and blood. What was broken in the garden needs to be redeemed. And so he shows up as flesh and blood and walks among us. Go read about how Jesus lived among the people. He didn't just come to go to the cross. He came to walk among us. He touched those who culture said were untouchable. He invited those in who had been outcast. He moved towards the broken and the lonely

and the isolated. He was God in the flesh. And he said, this is what I am like. He experienced every emotion you will ever experience. He was abandoned. He was betrayed. He grieved. He was lonely. And so when you come to him and say, this is what I'm going through. He says, I know, I know, I get that. And I'll meet you where you are and I'll walk you through. And I will be a strong, trustworthy anchor for your soul. Nothing else can bear the weight except him. So go home, write Psalm 151 of your own. And if you'll stand, I wanna say a prayer for us before we go. So Jesus, we start by saying we need you. We each need this strong and trustworthy anchor for our own souls. We have an ache that only you can fill. Will you show us the way forward? Will you be that anchor that we need? Each one, the step that we need to take, be with us. Guide us, lead us. We want to be face-to-face with you. Teach us how to be face-to-face and love loving community to each other. And we pray all this in your name, amen. Thank you, we'll see you next week.