Lesson 4 - Bitterness

I surely want to thank you for coming back to our Bible study and we're having a wonderful time dealing with getting a handle on our emotions. And the emotion I want to deal with now is the emotion of bitterness. Bitterness is a devastating thing. Most of us know bitter brothers and sisters and they come in all shapes and forms. There's some people who are caustically bitter. If you've been around these people, they have an acid tongue and they're just caustic in all that they say. They may be nice people. I call them porcupine Christians. They have a lot of good points. You just can't get near them. And they're just caustically bitter. And then there are other people who are cryingly bitter. They don't have a sharp tongue. They just pout. They sulk. They're quiet. They sit in the corner but they're seething with bitterness and they drink from the intoxicating cup of self-pity and they are...I call them bitter blue. And then there are other people who are coldly bitter. You've been around these people. They're not caustic. They're just cold. They're distant. They are aloof. They are kind of icebergs and these are the cold bitter people. But whatever they are, they're not nice to be around. And bitterness is something that comes to many of us. It happens in the church. There are a lot of caustic Christians. There are a lot of bitter brothers, people who are bitter and they are chained and they are imprisoned by bitterness. And sometimes it divides marriages. Sometimes it splits churches. Sometimes it ruins businesses. It's devastating to health. Bitterness. Well, the Bible says, for example, to husbands in Colossians 3 verse 19, husbands love your wives and be not bitter against them. You to be the better half, not the bitter half. But we...bitterness is a very real thing. Let's read about it here in the book of Hebrews chapter 12. Let's begin in verse 14. Follow peace with all men and holiness without which no man shall see the Lord. Looking diligently, lest any man fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness...underscore that if you don't mind underscoring the Bible, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you and thereby many be defiled. Now let's divide up our thought as we think about bitterness. He's talking about bitterness like a plant. Notice he says the root of bitterness. So that's the analogy that he's using. And so let's think about the germination of bitterness. How does it germinate? What is the root of bitterness? Well, first of all, what is the seed that causes this plant to start? The seed is a hurt. You're hurt. Somebody hurts you. Now the hurt may be real or it may be imagined. You think they hurt you when they really didn't hurt you, but you perceive that you've been

hurt. Perception is the cruelest form of reality. If you perceive that you're hurt, it makes no difference. The hurt may have been intentional. It may have been unintentional. The person didn't mean to hurt you. One time I was down in Orlando, Florida and we were in a Bible study, actually a Bible conference and a man came up to me. He said, I need to ask you to forgive me. This was a man that I knew in college years ago. He said, would you forgive me? I said, for what? Sure, I will. For what? He said, I've been bitter against you. I hardly knew the man. I said, why are you bitter against me? Well, he said, one time in college, we were on the street doing some street preaching. We were sitting around and you said, let's go over here and everybody got up and followed you. And he said, they didn't follow me. He said, I've been bitter against you that whole time. Good night. I didn't even remember it. I had no, nothing against him, no thought of doing anything. But there was a man that had a hostile spirit and thank God, the spirit of God spoke to him. And of course I forgave him and we had a big hug and a prayer and all of that. But the hurt may be imagined or it may be real, but we are hurt. Somebody has done us wrong. At least we perceive that they have. That's the seed. Now let's talk about the soil. Now we've all been hurt and not anybody in this circle has not been hurt. Amen they have people been hurt to believe us be hurt and Sometimes when we get hurt we react with anger or Resentment sometimes if it's real bad, we want to get even so I can catch it for that And we want we want a little revenge, but we get over it We get over it now bitterness Is something that people don't get over that easily look if you will in verse 15 here He says here looking diligently Let's any man fail of the grace of God It takes the grace of God helps us to get over you sin against me and and I get hurt and then God says Yeah, look how much I've forgiven you you forgive him and I forgive you I don't fail at the grace of God but a bitter person He says I'm gonna harbor that hostility I'm going to nurse that fever. I'm going to hold on to that grudge

I'm not going to let go of it. And so he he he digs in deep and a root goes down deep into the ground and once that root of bitterness starts He knows he's wrong. So he has to kind of justify his feelings and he begins to look for other things to Satisfy that he's really right in the feelings and he becomes very critical He'll watch you to see if you make some other mistake to to help somehow Justify the way he feels and bitter persons know how to push your hot button if they're bitter at you They'll watch you they'll find out what will tip your scale a little bit and they'll push that hot button to make you react to them To justify the feelings that they have against you They're dangerous people to be around bitter people are trying to draw you into an argument and so forth Bitter people have a way of bringing out the worst in other people. So the seed is some hurt the soil is That hostility where they refuse to deal with it they refuse to let the grace of God Handle it now we've talked about the germination of it. Let's talk about the devastation of it Look again in verse 15. He speaks of a root of bitterness that springs up and will trouble you and by it many be Defiled now it is a bitter root. It is a bitter root The root is underground, isn't it? Now? You can't see the root. You can see the fruit, but you can't see the root I've been a Bible teacher for a long time. And I'll tell you one thing. I've learned few of any people will admit they're bitter They don't want to admit they're bitter. There's it's a root it goes down deep and the problem is Underground some will deny it others will disguise it, but you don't mind if I dig around a little bit, do you? Let's get dig down and see about that root and see if it's there let me tell you some of the marks of a bitter person a Bitter person is very sensitive and very touchy People who are bitter are very touchy If he walks into a room and people get quieter when he walks in they say they were talking about me You know They may even think when a football huddle gets together out on the field the people in the huddle are talking about him They they are almost paranoid about that a bitter person Shows little or no gratitude for things rather than being Humbly grateful he's grumbly hateful because he's bitter a bitter person

Will usually speak words of empty flattery a harsh criticism bitter person holds grudges for a long long time and They find it very hard to forgive Until they get their pound of flesh and a bitter person Will have mood swings and sometimes you look at a bit of person you say good night. What got into her? Well where that eruption come from where that come from? Down in the soil of an unresolved hurt that root has gone down so deep and It's underground and it may be denied it may be disguised but it is there and it does Devastating damage now. We've looked at the seed. We've looked at the soil. Let's look at the fruit The fruit is going to show up in your body The fruit is going to show up in your body your soul and your spirit If you're bitter It's going to it's going to defile you your body. You're gonna have physical problems with your body if you have a bitter spirit. I read a book years ago called None of These Diseases, written by a medical doctor, Dr. S.I. MacMillan. Dr. MacMillan talked about how bitterness can make you physically ill. We call that psychosomatic illness. Psycho is for the mind. Psyche is the Greek word for mind. Soma is the Greek word for body. Psychosomatic means the mind over the body. The mind can make the body sick. And here's how Dr. MacMillan described it. I've copied it out. He said the famous cardiologist, that's a heart doctor, John Hunter, knew what anger would do to his heart. And he said the first scoundrel that gets me angry will kill me. Sometime later at a medical meeting, a speaker made assertions that incensed Hunter. As he stood up and bitterly attacked the speaker, his anger caused such a contraction of the blood vessels in his heart that he fell dead. Now you can be sick and not be bitter, but I doubt very seriously that you can be bitter for a long time and not get sick. I read somewhere that a mother nursing a baby, you know that homonized milk? A mother nursing a baby, if that mother gets in fits spasms of anger, can cause the baby to be colicky. Just nursing at the breast of an angry mother. The mind so affects the body.

And not only are you going to have physical problems, you're going to have emotional problems. Dr. MacMillan went on to say this, the moment that I start hating a man, I become his slave. I can't enjoy my work anymore because he controls my thoughts. My resentments produce too much stress hormones in my body and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The work I formerly enjoyed is now a drudgery. Even vacations cease to give me pleasure. It may be a luxurious car that I drive along a lake fringed with the autumn beauty of maple, oak, and birch. As far as my experience is concerned, I might as well be driving a wagon in mud and rain. The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I cannot escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me porterhouse steak with french fries, asparagus, crisp salad, and strawberry shortcake smothered with ice cream. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? It might as well be stale bread and water. My teeth chew the food and swallow it, but the man I hate will not permit me to enjoy it. King Solomon must have had a similar experience where he wrote, better a dish of vegetables with love than the best beef served with hatred. The man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom, but more cruel than any slave driver. He whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my innerspring mattress becomes a rack of torture. The lowliest of the serfs can sleep, but not I. I really must acknowledge the fact that I am a slave to every man on whom I pour the vials of my wrath." Think of it. Bitterness makes us a slave to the person we're bitter at. And we know it's true. It affects us physically. It affects us soulishly or psychologically. And of course, there is going to be spiritual trouble. Look in verse 14. Follow peace with all men and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord. Now, peace and holiness are linked together. If you don't have holiness, you don't have peace. As long as you harbor hostility in your heart and sin in your heart, there is no peace, saith my God to the wicked. You cannot have peace and resentment in your heart. Hatefulness and holiness are exclusive. What a price we pay for this thing called bitterness. And there's also a social devastation. Look, if you will, here in this verse. It says, and many be defiled. Now, what I want you to do, I

want you to leave the book of Hebrews, and I want you to turn to Ephesians chapter 4, if you can find it. I want to show you what bitterness will do. I want you to see the chain reaction. Notice what it says here. Many will be defiled. Now, this is Ephesians. Ephesians 4. And we begin in Verse 26 of Ephesians 4. Listen to it. Be angry and sin not. Did you know that you can be angry and not sin? The only way to be angry and sin not is to be angry at sin. Jesus would move with anger at the money changers in the temple. Be angry and sin not. Now notice this, let not the sin go down upon your wrath. Listen to it now. Let him that stole steal no more. Oh, let me back up here. Let not the sin, the son go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil. Let him that stole steal no more, but rather let him labor working with his hands the thing which is good that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Now here's what I'm moving toward. Start to listen very carefully now. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice, and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Now he says, don't let the son go down upon your wrath. Husbands and wives, never ever go to sleep back to back angry. I mean, you just stay up all night till you make it right. You might have to miss a week's sleep, but don't let the son go down upon your wrath. When you do, that bitterness, that bitterness is beginning to take hold, and it's devastating. So he says, don't let the son go

down upon your wrath. Don't give a place to the devil. If you let the son go down upon your wrath, you make a habit of anger. You have given the devil a campground. You have given the devil a space, a foxhole in your life. You've given a place to the devil. Now here's what he says. He says, don't give the devil a foothold to damage your home, your church, and those around you. Notice the progression in verse 31. Look at it. First of all, bitterness. He says, let all bitterness. Now bitterness means you're wounded. A hurt comes to you, and rather than dealing with it by grace, you harbor it. That's bitterness. Now watch the next thing. Wrath. Do you see it? Wrath. You know what? The word wrath comes from a Greek word which means heat. You begin to do a slow burn. You ever had that slow burn on the inside? That wrath is in your heart. It's like oily rags in a closet. If you put oily rags in a closet and shut the door, and what happens after a while is going to be something called spontaneous combustion. And then notice the next thing, anger. First bitterness, then wrath, and then anger. What happens? Somebody opens the door now, and oxygen comes in, and those rags just flare up, and there's an inferno. And somebody says, what happened? Well, bitterness, anger, wrath, and now anger. But we're not finished yet. What's the next word? Clamor. Now what does the word clamor mean? That speaks of that which is vocal. You get loud. You get into a verbal contest. First of all, you have this bitterness. This bitterness turns to the slow burn. This slow burn erupts into anger. And once you get angry, then what do you do? You raise your voice, clamor. You begin to say things that you ought not to say. You get loud, and the person that you're talking to says, you don't have to shout. You say, I'm not shouting. That's

that clamor. Now watch, it doesn't end there. And then he mentions evil speaking. When you raise your voice and you get to talking loud, then you start saying mean things, evil speaking. I hate you. You're so stupid. I wish I'd never married you. You make me sick. I wish you were dead. Things we don't mean. Things later on we give a thousand words if we never said them. But the devil says, you're on a roll. Tell him more. Tell him more. And the tongue gets loose. The tongue is a fire. Why? Bitterness. Wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and then what's the last word? Malice. You know what malice means? It means you want to hurt somebody. You want to hurt. This is when sometimes a parent will slap a child. And sometimes a husband will push a wife against the wall. Sometimes a wife will pick up a dish. And throw it. Things we'd be so ashamed of. Things we wish that we had never ever done. But we do them. Because there is a root of bitterness. It all starts with bitterness. Beneath the ground. There is a hurt that we have not resolved. We've not dealt with. And it springs up. And it defiles many. Well, we've talked about the germination

and the devastation. Let's talk about the eradication. How do we deal with bitterness? Okay, in a few minutes we have left. Let's talk about how to eradicate it. Look in verse 15. Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God. Now it's the grace of God that helps us to eradicate this bitterness. Every farmer wants to know how to get rid of deep rooted weeds. Now let me give you three steps to get rid of it. First of all, step number one, let God reveal it. Let God reveal it. Notice what it says, looking diligently. We have to say, God help me to look diligently. Am I really a bitter person? Let me give you a good verse that goes along with this. Psalm 139, verses 23 and 24. A great prayer. I pray it most mornings. Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. You say, well, if I know my heart, well, you don't know your heart. Your heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. So you say, God, search me, try me, know my heart.

Reveal myself to me. Remember the root is underground and it is easy to disguise it and deny it. Some men were out playing golf with a minister and you know how men are prone to say some awful things and make a bad golf shot. And one of them said to the minister, said, I just admire your composure. Said, you never use any rough language and you make a bad shot. He said, yeah, but if you notice where I spit, the grass never grows again. Sometimes we can hold it in, but it's there, it's beneath the surface. Ask God, let God reveal it. And then number two, let grace remove it. Let grace remove it. Grace can, only grace can root out bitterness. Bitterness is forgiveness. Bitterness is dealt with by forgiveness that is received and given by the grace of God. And what is grace? Grace is the desire and the ability to do the will of God. That's what grace is. You're never going to deal with bitterness apart from the grace of God. Let me give you another verse. Ephesians 4, 31 and 32. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice

and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. I don't know whether you've ever heard the name Corrie ten Boom or not. Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch girl back in the days of the Nazi occupation of Holland. And the Nazis were of course, rounding up the Jews and putting them in gas ovens and killing them. It was terrible. And Corrie ten Boom and her family hid some of the Jews in their home and finally ended up in a Nazi concentration camp. Corrie and her sister. And they were humiliated so much. They were made to strip down naked as young girls and put in the delousing showers as it were. And Corrie ten Boom, she's a lovely Christian lady. One of the most godly. I had the privilege of having lunch with her one day. But Corrie ten Boom said that there was one guard who was especially wicked and lewd and said when we had no modesty at all and he would just leer at us and rape us with his eyes as we were humiliated and dehumanized there. And then she said, later on, we were liberated and I had a ministry of sharing Christ and said I was in a meeting in Germany, I believe it was Germany and in the crowd was that guard and he was a professing Christian. She said his face was forever etched on my mind. I knew in an instant who he was and said, she said, at the close of the service, he

came up to me and put out his hand and said, Corrie, will you forgive me? She said, I froze. She said, this man of all people, will you forgive me? And I said, oh God, help me. And she said, I felt the love of God flow through my heart and I put out my hand and I said, yes, I forgive you. And she described the feeling as God's mighty grace flowed through her. If there's ever a woman that had a right to be bitter, she did. But the grace of God did not fail her and will not fail you. You know, let me just tell you some words here that are interesting to me. Justice is God giving us what we deserve. Mercy is God not giving us what we deserve and grace is God giving us what we don't deserve. Okay. Joyce, my wife and I were in a restaurant, I'll tell you this and I'll be finished, Joyce and I were in a restaurant and we were eating and it was a simple restaurant and the waitress, she had a broken heart. And we were sharing with her and she was weeping and crying, oh, her heart, her life was devastated and we were trying to share the love of Jesus with her. Finally, she said, she had to go, she said, I'll give you the check now, it's time for me to go, I've got to go pick up my child or something. So we prayed with her. She left the check. When I got the check, she'd overcharged me. I mean quite a bit. She's not on purpose but she was already having trouble with the manager there and she'd overcharge me. Well, I didn't mind that. I didn't mind paying the overcharge. I wouldn't embarrass her for anything, go to the manager but I looked at my billfold, they wouldn't take a credit card.

So I said, well, I hope I have enough money. Well I had enough money to pay the bill and to pay the overcharge but I didn't have enough money to leave a tip. Well I've got to leave her a tip, even with an overcharge and it was a pretty big overcharge. So I said, Joyce, you stay here so they know we're not trying to stiff them and I'm going to drive home and get some more money. And so Joyce stayed home. I got in my car, drove home, got some more money so I could come back and tip the girl who overcharged me. Now, had I gone to the manager and said, look, this is an overcharge, I'm not going to pay it, that would have been justice. If I had paid it, that would have been mercy. But to go home and get a tip, friend, that's grace. I want to tell you, oh, how good God has been to us. Thank God that He is a just God but He's not dealt with us after our sins. He's shown us mercy. But above all of that, He has given us grace. Don't we serve a great God? I beg you, I beg you, don't let bitterness find root in your heart. Nothing more devastating, debilitating to the Christian life than bitterness. Father, seal the message to our hearts while we pray in the strong name of Jesus, amen. Amen.