Leo's Testimony

I'm celebrating victory over anger, alcohol addiction, anxiety and depression. I'm still struggling, excuse me, with co-dependency and control along with other issues. I have a twin brother and a brother six years older. I was abused physically and sexually by an older family member. So at a very young age, my rejection, my fear, abandonment issues began. I don't remember much from my childhood to this day. I used to cry out to God for it to stop, but it didn't. So the little faith that I hadn't God almost disappeared. I used to think, well, where was God? Why is he not protecting me? So this continued for many years. I became extremely introverted, anxious, depressed, afraid of people, had low self-esteem, and I was angry most of the time. I was alone or all the way through high school, except I did hang around with my twin brother a lot. My father liked to drink so around 12 or 13 I started drinking his booze when he wasn't around. I also had chronic physical pain most of the time, which added to my depression and anxiety. I liked the feeling of being high because I would forget about my hurts for a while. My emotional pain would feel better when I drank. Also, I'd come out of my shell and become much more sociable when I drank. Of course, when I became sober, the pain returned.

I started smoking pot, taking pills, tried LSD a few times. Anything I could get my hands on, but I still managed to make it through high school. Being high provided relief from the emotional pain that was inside of me and the chronic physical pain. At this point in my life, I believed in God, but I viewed him like my earthly father, loving but distant. I also felt God's love was performance-based and that I was going to heaven because I was generally a good person. I graduated from high school, decided to go to college to pursue a chemistry degree because my dad was a chemist. The freedom of college was great and the best part was I could drink at the local college bar. So at the age of 21, I had a bad motorcycle accent that almost killed me. I was at a bar when I came out, it was like two o'clock in the morning. I wasn't planning on wearing a helmet because three weeks prior to the helmet line it was repealed in Ohio, so he didn't have to wear one. But I heard a small voice say, "Put your helmet on because you'll be driving on the freeway." So reluctantly, I did. The last thing I remember was traveling about 95 miles an hour than seeing the back end of a semi-truck. I woke up in the hospital with multiple injuries, broken ribs, punctured lung, broken ankle,

bruises all along my whole right side and had a severe concussion. Good Samaritans picked me up off the freeway and took me to the hospital and left without leaving their names. This is before cell phones. I spent six days in the hospital on heavy-duty pain meds and a tube in my side to keep my lung from collapsing. When I got what was left of my clothes and my helmet back I noticed a huge chunk taken out of my helmet. If I hadn't listened to that small voice and put my helmet on, I would have been killed. I wasn't even saved yet, God spoke to me. He had a plan for my life. I still drank a lot, I continued to go to school. My second year of college, I met a beautiful young woman named Sherry. We got married within a few months of meeting. I got my degree in chemistry and started working. Sherry and I moved from Florida, I mean from Cleveland, Ohio to Florida and started our new careers. I was still battling severe depression and the only way to get rid of the pain was by drinking. I was very athletic, became involved in martial arts, running, windsurfing, boating, horses, country living. I had a good job, a promising career, nice cars, boats, other toys. In my early 30s, I felt like something was missing from my life and of course it was God. Finally, while living in Lakeland,

a neighbor asked me to go to church with him and so I did. So I grew up Catholic where you couldn't even talk in church and you had to whisper and then I walked through the doors of a Pentecostal church. Man, people were singing, they were raising their hands, they were running down the aisle, falling over, I was shocked and I wanted to run out of the building, but strangely enough, it felt peaceful, like I belonged there. Of course, it was the spirit of God that I felt. My wife and I went back a few times and I finally accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in my early 30s. Things got better and horrible feelings and nightmares that plagued me, started getting better, but there were still some things that remained like anger, depression and my desire to drink alcohol. I moved around a lot my career due to promotions and every time we moved I thought, well things are gonna get better and they're gonna change. What they did for a short time, but I ended up back in the same pattern. I learned you can't run from your problems. At least settled in my mama 27 years ago and I was extremely depressed. Continued drinking a lot was very angry. I became involved with the prison ministry called Kyros. Became involved, I became an elder in my church. 'cause I was afraid of people knew I'd be rejected and people would judge me. I thought I was going to gray with my issues.

So denial came into play. I buried my feelings as best as possible. I kept drinking, but it was under control because I was involved with martial arts and I had to remain alert and stay in good physical shape. So I drank heavily mostly on weekends, especially in holidays. I was self-employed, making good money, was very involved in our church, but was avoiding dealing with my anger and alcohol issues and was still in leadership. I finally had to have hip surgery due to severe arthritis. I had the hip surgery and shortly afterwards developed other physical issues. It fixed my hip pain, but it caused me to be more chronic pain than ever. I felt depressed and hopeless and angry at God in the world. My depression became very severe and I started self-medicating without all. My marriage was getting worse. I didn't know what to do. But God had a plan for my life and he was ready to help me. Psalm 18, 6 says, "In my distress, I called to the Lord for help and he heard my voice." And then Psalm 34, 6 says, "In my desperation, I prayed and the Lord listened. He saved me from all my troubles." I was drinking day and night, barely functioning in my work in church.

All this time, I was attending church and acting like everything was fine. Finally, my wife had enough and demanded I could help. She called the leader of our life group and said I was gonna kill myself by drinking if things didn't change and I need help. I was hurt and angry at her for exposing me, but she did it because she loved me and cared for me. He suggested I speak with the guy that was attending psalbray recovery. Reluctantly, I decided to try it. I was hopeless and I thought I would never be able to change. I wanted to change, but I just didn't know how to go about doing it. So I went to CR not knowing what to expect. I was really nervous, but was at the lowest point in my life. I asked my wife to attend for a few weeks to support me. Yes, I had go dependency issues too. I came to CR, a broken and hurting Christian that had a relationship with Christ, but still had issues that I didn't know how to deal with. After three months, I joined the CR leadership team and started attending a men's step study. And I finally turned my life over to the complete care of God, like principle three says, consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ care and control. Gave up alcohol right away. That was the easy part compared to having to deal

with my other issues like anger, depression, anxiety, and I'll do all these without numbing the pain. I finally realized I was powerless and I couldn't fix myself or change myself. I needed God. All the times that I tried to change on my own had failed. I graduated from my first step study and I can honestly say I'm celebrating victory over anger, depression, and alcohol abuse. I still have episodes of anger and depression, but now I recognize the triggers and stop what I'm doing, pray to God to take it away. I can deal with these issues only through God's help. Also, I learned how to set healthy boundaries. Philippians 4.13 says I could do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Give me up on alcohol was the big thing for me. And I've been sober for over nine years now. I finally stepped out of denial and admitted I was using alcohol to numb the pain, both emotional and physical. Alcohol was a symptom. My physical and emotional pain was the cause. I had to dig to find the root of my issues. God revealed the roots of my issues and with his help in following the CR principles, I was finally able to get set free of a lot of hurts, habits, and hang-ups. In several years ago, my wife and I became ministry leaders at our CR.

It was a challenge because it was during COVID. God equipped us and he gave me a passion for CR like never before. It was a real challenge, but God was faithful. And we're celebrating six years as is this recording of being ministry leaders. We have a very strong and dedicated leadership team and have experienced a lot of growth. When I first started attending CR, I didn't want anyone to know, but after about the first year, I was telling everybody how God was healing me through celebrate recovery. Now, everyone in my church knows about CR. It sends people to myself and my wife Sherry. We're known as Mr. and Mrs. CR. Today, I'm continuing serving leadership at CR, my church, and community. God has given me a passion to help the brokenhearted and the helpless. Principal Ait says yield myself to God to be used to bring this good news to others, both by my example and by my words. I've graduated from my first step study and went on to lead three more. Also, my wife and I are attending a school of ministry part-time and will be ordained ministers soon. I'm also involved with CR inside at a maximum security state prison, several local jails and incarcerated youth facility. Recently, I became a CR inside representative in Florida.

I've learned to be honest with my CR and church friends. They love me and they're not judgmental. I also learned how to forgive myself and was able to shed the shame and guilt that had playing be most of my life. I realized change is a process and through CR I was able to identify and change some of my behavior patterns, but I'm still a work in progress. If I hadn't sunk to my lowest point in my life and attended CR, I would have probably died without resolving my issues. CR has been a life changer for me. I also guide revealed other areas of my life that need healing. Second, onion being peeled. One layer is removed, another one is exposed. I forgave my family member that abused me years ago even before attending CR, but he's still on my list every time I do spiritual inventory. Remember that forgiving others is for you and will give you freedom regardless of how the other person responds. Did it hurt to confront my issues? Absolutely, but once I started dealing with them through CR, there came a freedom that I had never known before as a Christian. CR is a process that don't give up, just keep going. I'll be dealing with hurts habits and hang ups

for the rest of my life, but through Jesus, I am victorious and you can be also. Thank you for letting me share. You