Keys to a Loving Community | Love Goes First | Twin Rivers Church

We've been in such a great series, Love Without Limits. It has been good, but it's been challenging, right? My prayer today, though, is that you would walk away with a more biblical understanding of what love does. Yes, I said does, what love does, because love isn't just a feeling, love is an action. Love does. As a matter of fact, all of Christianity is based on the fact that for God so loved that he gave. For God so loved that he gave. So as followers of Jesus, we are to love in the same way that compels us to action, compels us to give, compels us to give something of ourselves sacrificially. Problem is, is that's hard. It's not easy. I know for me, it's not easy. As I was preparing this message, I was thinking of times that I have really failed at loving others. I've really failed at responding harshly, responding unkindly, or holding a fence, or holding a grudge. I have failed many times, but then I thought of some funny stories that I wanted to share with you guys about, well, related to some comments from some people, some people, those kind of people that make comments when you're pregnant, and when you're really big, and your face is bigger, and beautiful, and full. And one story in particular, one lady came up to me and she goes, I just know what you're gonna have. And I went, really? I was thinking, did she hear from the Lord,

or like, did she get a dream, what's going on? She goes, I can tell what you're gonna have. I said, really, what am I gonna have? She goes, well, I can tell from your face what you're gonna have. Well, apparently, girls steal your beauty, and I was out here looking like I had been robbed, or something. I don't know, I don't, but yeah, that comment really got me going. That another comment, hopefully this guy is not in this service today, but he said this with a smile on his face, completely oblivious, he goes, did you gain this much weight with all of your pregnancies? I just stood there. I don't know, am I supposed to be tracking stats? Like, where's the spreadsheet? I'm missing something somewhere. And then there was the, hey, when are you due? Are you due this week? Honey, you look like you're about to pop. And I'm like, no, as a matter of fact, I have 10 weeks left. And I am gonna wear this big belly loud and proud. Yes, I am. But man, loving first isn't easy. As a matter of fact, fighting first is my first response, not loving first. And it's a challenge, it is a challenge for me.

And I'm sure it's a challenge for all of us. And no matter how old we get, no matter where we go, no matter how hard we try and commit to this idea of loving like Jesus, there always seems to be somebody somewhere in our life that just knows instinctively how to push our buttons, right? But you know what, something I wanna look at today is I think that we are more informed by culture when it comes to love than by Jesus. You know, culture says that love is earned. Love is worked for. If you wanna be loved, you have to earn it, you have to work for it, you have to prove yourself, you have to prove that you're worthy to be loved. But God's love says, you never have to earn my love. You never have to work for my love. You do not have to be good enough to earn my love. I chose to love you while you were still a sinner. I chose to love you while you were still far away from me. See, culture says love is based on how you feel and how the other person makes you feel. God's love says loving others is not an option. Loving others is my command followed by your choice. Culture says you can fall in and out of love as if love is some type of hole that you can fall into, right, but God's love endures past any and all circumstances in our life because love never fails. Love never fails. Culture says you don't have to love everyone, but God's love says I sent my one and only son

so that all could come to know me, that whosoever believes in me can have eternal life. See, our definition of love is often very different than Jesus's definition. Verse Peter 4, 8 says this, it says, above all, above all, that's a pretty weighty statement there, above all, love each other deeply. 1 Corinthians 13, 4-8, I'm just gonna highlight the characteristics of God's love. It is patient, it is kind, it is not jealous, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres, love never fails. So today, this teaching, it's very simple, but it's very challenging if you're going to grow in love. So I decided to name this message Love Goes First. Love goes first. You know, we like to be the first in everything. We like to be the first in our class. We like to be the first in the line at the DMV. We like to be first on board the airplane, even though we're group number six. I actually saw that happen yesterday. She was trying to run in front of the line, but she was sent to the back of the line, and she was group number six. But it reminds me also of my youngest starters, Remy and Caroline.

If you have kids, you can relate to this story. They will run to the elevator button as fast as they can, because one of them wants to be the first to push that button. As a matter of fact, my 14 and 12-year-old and 10-year-old also do that. They all fight to be the first to push that elevator button, and we laugh at that. We think it's cute when kids do it, but if we're to be honest, we behave in the same way. We just mature the strategy a little bit. We like to be first to speak. We like to be first to be right. We like to be first to be noticed. We wanna be first to be served. And yet, sometimes we forget that we no longer belong to the kingdom of this world. We are called to be in this world, but not think like this world. We are called to be in this world, but we are called to be set apart from this world, because we belong to a kingdom that flips the script. When we live with God's love, it doesn't race to be the first in position. It chooses to be first in humility. It chooses to be first in forgiveness. It chooses to be first in laying something down. It's tough, but love is worth it. There's a God factor when we choose to love first. There's a God factor in our lives and in our relationships

when we choose to love first. See, but I've noticed that few people fight to really be first to love. The people that make the most impact and have the greatest legacy are those who have chosen and made up their minds that they are gonna live their life with love going first. And I would guess that most, every person in this room for the most part has a broken relationship in their life somewhere. Maybe it's a parent that has abandoned you. Maybe it's a parent that's just distant or critical. Maybe it's a spouse that's disengaged. Maybe it's a boss that seems to always pick on you. Whatever your story may look like, everybody's story looks a little bit different, but something that I want you to consider today is get in your mind, maybe the Holy Spirit's already, put somebody in your mind that you would love to see that relationship restored. But my question is this, are you waiting on them to make the first move or are you going to go ahead and choose to make the first move? Because listen, if you're living your life waiting on someone else to earn or deserve your love, then you're missing the entire gospel. Because the Bible says, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So if you're in the room, if you're online

and you follow Jesus, then Jesus says, listen, I know it's hard, but you have to take up your cross. You have to follow me. You have to deny yourself because Jesus goes first. Listen, Jesus never asked us to do anything that he hasn't already gone before and done. Jesus goes first in everything. Jesus pursues us first. Jesus loves us first. And he calls us to do the same. So what happens when you choose to not go first? What happens when the other person chooses to not go first? You're stuck. You remain stuck. And it doesn't take a crystal ball to see where that relationship's gonna end up. It's gonna end up in frustration. It's gonna end up in pain. It's gonna end up in loss. And you know, most relationships don't end because of one big happenstance. It ends because both people are waiting on the other one to go first. And I think that's why Jesus addresses this in Luke chapter six in one of his most famous teachings, which is on this very subject. He knew that it's human nature to get stuck in a cycle or just stuck in our stubbornness of not wanting to go first, not wanting to love first.

So he addresses it and he says the only way to remove that log jam is to love. Let's look at Luke six, verse 27 together. But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks. And when things are taken away from you, don't try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you. So in essence, what Jesus is saying here is when you're in a broken relationship, when you're stuck and you're upset and you're brokenhearted, what do you do? Well, you go first by doing for them what you wish they would do for you. It's what we call the golden rule, right? So what does it look like to go first according to Jesus? Let's look at this passage again. If you are looking at your Bible, I want you to highlight or circle the action verbs that Jesus uses in this passage. Let's look at the action verbs. It's do, bless, pray, offer, give. Do, bless, pray, offer, give.

Every instruction that Jesus gives us here is movement. Every instruction is initiative. Every instruction is love goes first. Love does something. It's not just a word. It's not just a feeling. It's a move. Jesus is saying, don't wait for the relationship to change. Don't wait for the apology. Don't wait for the atmosphere to be just right. Don't wait, you move first. You move, you bless, you pray, you give because love doesn't wait for the moment to be right. Love goes ahead and creates the moment. And it's in the act of faith and loving first, even when it's so hard, even when it's so difficult, where the miracles happen, where transformation takes place, where growth takes place, and where you and I begin to look a little bit more like Jesus. And obviously the problem we have is we want our needs met first, right? We want our needs met first. And I'm sure, you know, looking back at Luke chapter six, here, Jesus is teaching the people this really difficult lesson in loving your enemies. Do good and bless those who curse you. And I'm sure they're saying, just like some of us are saying today, I just can't see me doing this. Jesus, this is so difficult.

But in verse 32, he says, if you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much. And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. But love your enemies, do good to them, lend to them without expecting to be repaid. And I think something we often forget is that anytime that God commands us to do something in the Bible, sometimes we forget that he also gives us the power to do it. He gives us the strength to do it. He gives us the grace to do it. Let's look at Romans 5, 5. It says, Love of God has been poured out, poured out. I want you to look at that. In our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. The Bible is very specific. It's God's word, it's infallible. So when it says poured, it doesn't mean drip. It doesn't mean measured. I'm gonna give a little bit of love to you. I'm gonna give this much love to you. I'm gonna give a little drip to you.

Holy Spirit poured out His love upon us. Like a flood, it's poured out in our hearts. So what does that mean? That we can lavishly give it to others. That we can lavishly give it to others because it's like a flood water that pours out and touches everyone that we come in contact with. See, this isn't a manufactured kind of love. This isn't a I'm gonna stir this up by myself kind of love. Oh no, this is a Holy Spirit kind of love. This is a love that lavishly pours out. So me and you, we are called to lavishly love our enemies. To lavishly love despite the difficult relationships in our life. Well, in case you haven't noticed yet, my husband and I are a little different. We're actually a lot different. We are probably not of the same species. Like sometimes I wonder the way that we approach life, the way that we look at a situation, the way that we just think about anything is very different. And it's wonderful, but it's been a challenge. So we've learned a lot over the years. We've learned a lot over the years, but recently we just, we had taken a vacation and I talked for weeks about how I'd so look forward to this vacation of no work. And I highlighted those words to him as well. No work and no to-do lists, no productivity, just rest and just being together, just being present.

And I, again, I was talking for weeks about this. And so we were on vacation. I woke up early. I was taking a walk. The temperature was perfect. The birds were singing. The sun was shining. It was amazing. And I walked back in, opened the door. Guess what he's doing? You guessed it. He's working. He's not supposed to be working. He works like a dog all the time. He is supposed to value what I value. At least that's what I felt in the moment. Now I know this is a petty example, but it's just an everyday life example that I'm giving you because in the moment, I felt like my insides were gonna explode. Like I was so angry. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. I wanted to tell him how I really felt, you know? But the, and he started talking. He said, without looking up, he didn't ask me about my walk. Instead he goes, hey, by the way, did you make that reservation at 6 p.m. tonight? Did you, you know, you have to pack and you have a deadline that you have for that project.

And the more he talked, the hotter I got. The hotter I got. The more he talked about my deadlines and a schedule on vacation, the hotter I got. I was so mad. But after 18 years of marriage, I've learned something very important. That the voice of offense feels very powerful because it is true to my flesh. It's true to the point of he said, she said, he's wrong. She's wrong. But this is why the enemy is so successful at using offense. Because the enemy, see, he is strategic in his war against you. He is strategic in his war against your relationships. He is strategic in his war against your marriage. And if he can get you to turn away from your spouse or your friend, he's created distance. And distance gives him room to destroy. The enemy's goal is always to divide and fracture. But love going first disarms the enemy. Love says, I'm gonna believe the best despite how I feel. Love says, I'm gonna assume the best. Love says, I'm going to rejoice with the truth. And another thing I've learned is, after 18 years of marriage is, the miracle happens only when one person decides to go ahead and go first. So I took a deep breath.

I stepped out on the porch and I said, I will not allow. I will not allow offense to steal our day. I will not allow the silly little petty frustration to steal what God wants to do on our vacation right now. And immediately the Holy Spirit brought 1 Corinthians 13 to my mind. And I thought, no, I'm gonna choose to believe the best. I know it's silly, but I'm gonna believe the best. I'm gonna assume the best and I'm gonna forgive and I'm gonna let go of this offense. And, you know, we are so tempted in any of our relationships that are difficult and difficult moments to fight for ourself. But especially in the area of marriage, to win in marriage, you have to lay down fighting for yourself and start looking at your marriage as a team and fighting as a team. So I came back inside and I made up my mind to not pick that offense back up and we ended up having a great day. But the enemy's plan was to ruin our rest. The enemy's plan was to steal our joy. But you know, when love goes first, peace can't help but show up. When love goes first, joy can't help but invade. And connection is increased. You know, a few things to jot down if you're taking notes and how to love first. I wanna give you a few things

on what loving first really looks like. Number one, loving first looks like self-examination. Self-examination, so often we wanna look at the other person, what the other person did wrong, how the other person offended us. But love looks first at how I contributed, what I can do better, how I can be more loving. The second thing is spending time. The first thing we wanna do is distance ourself from the person that hurt us, the person that offended us. But love says, I'm gonna pursue them. I'm gonna pursue them first and I'm gonna spend time with them. The third thing is speaking life. We need to open up our mouths, especially as the body of Christ, as a follower of Christ, we need to use the gift of encouragement to speak life into others. Even if we can find just one thing we appreciate or admire about that person, we need to go and we need to say, hey, I really appreciate that about you. Thank you for how you've given or thank you for how you've blessed me or whatever that may look like. And some of us, we need to apologize. We need to open up our mouth. Well, first we need to humble ourself and apologize. I always say humility brings so much healing. Humility brings so much healing in your relationships. And listen, I know that these are not easy.

These actions are love and they take faith. They take a lot of faith. But listen, you're not putting your faith in the other person, you're putting your faith in God. So even if the other person rejects you, just know that God will reward you. That's what the scripture says. In Luke 6, 35, it says, love your enemies, do good to them, lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great. You know, I wanna close with a story about my youth pastor growing up. I know that Joe had mentioned him a couple of weeks ago. And when I was preparing this message, I thought I'm gonna call him because I know he's gonna have the perfect story. And he reminded me of a boy that I was in student group with youth group back in the day, his name was Kyle. And first, let me tell you, Rod has impacted my life out of all the people that I can think of. He's probably one of maybe five that have deeply, deeply impacted my life. And I thought it boils down to two reasons, how he passionately loves God and how he radically loved people. Passionately, passionately love God and radically love people. And so here Kyle was, now Kyle came from a single mom foster situation. He was fatherless.

You know, his mom was trying to do her best, but Kyle, he didn't have money to go on the youth trips. He didn't have money to go to church camp. He didn't have money to eat out. He didn't have money to go to winter fest, but Rod saw him, Rod saw him. And so for two years, every single Sunday and every single Wednesday night, Rod himself would personally stop by his house and pick him up for church, pick him up for the events and different things. He paid for him to go to church camp. He paid for him to go to winter fest. He paid for all of these different things and he included him in things that he would never be able. to participate in otherwise. See, it wasn't flashy, it wasn't some big act of love, but it was love that consistently decided to go first. It was love that consistently showed up again and again and again. And you know, later in life, Kyle had experienced some disappointments. I mean, he was still in student group, but some things had happened in Kyle's life that were really disappointing to him. You know, he had experienced some setbacks. So Kyle decided, I'm gonna give up on God. I'm gonna give up on this whole church thing. It's not working for me.

So he disappeared. He stopped taking Rod's phone calls. He stopped responding to Rod's text messages. He stopped wanting to come to church. So he completely disengaged. He completely ignored Rod and all of the attempts that he had made. And after all that Rod had invested in him, the time, the prayers, the mentoring, the effort, the love, I'm sure Rod felt angry. I'm sure Rod probably felt rejected. I'm sure Rod probably felt like a failure, but love kept pursuing. So he kept pursuing him. So he would call Kyle. And one day he said, I called him so many times. I called him over and over and over and over. He said, every phone call, I would get more angry. He said, but it wasn't like a harsh anger. It was like a holy anger. That was like, I love this kid too much to let him disappear kind of love. And finally, Sunday rolls around and he looks at his wife, Becky, and he says, Becky, here, you take, you have the rest of the responsibilities for Sunday. I'm gonna go find Kyle. So he gets in his car. He drives up to the holler.

It's what we call it in West Virginia. Drives up to, he's like, I don't even know what house Kyle lives in because every Sunday he would meet me at the front of the holler. And so he goes around to the houses. He's like, I think it might be this house. So he goes up to the front porch. He calls again, no answer. Calls again, no answer. Calls again, no answer. He's like, I'm gonna go to the back porch. So he walks around to the back porch. He said, the door wasn't really a door. It was like a piece of thin plywood. So he knocks on the door. And if you knew him, oh, you could just see it. He's so passionate. He's so loving. So he knocks on the door. The door falls down and Kyle's mom is standing there like, what is happening? And he said, I'm Rod Justice. I'm here for Kyle. And his mom goes and gets Kyle. And Rod hears Kyle say, I'm done with church. Tell Rod I don't wanna see him. I'm not coming down. And then Rod hears his mom say, I think you should come. He seems pretty mad.

He seems pretty worked up. I think you should go see him. And so finally Kyle decides to walk down, his head hung in shame. Rod didn't shame him. Rod didn't lecture him. All Rod said was get in the car, we're going to church. And from that moment on, Rod would invite him to minister with him at funerals, minister with him or go with him as Rod got opportunities to minister. And Rod said, eventually I would start letting Kyle do the opening prayer. I would start letting Kyle do the introduction or whatever that might look like. And he said, eventually time after time, he started feeling and hearing the call of God to be a pastor. Years later today, Kyle is pastoring a thriving, beautiful church in Louisiana. I have a picture to show you. That's Kyle. That's Kyle. He's happily married with a beautiful baby. See, when you let love go first, you never know how it might reroute the trajectory of someone's entire life. See, that's Rod right there, marrying Kyle, officiating that wedding. And I think the reason that this story resonates with us

and with me so deeply is because this is the kind of love that we have experienced with Christ. Because when we left, when we left, when we ignored him, when we ran far away, when we were filthy, dirty, sin in our sin, could not find our way out, Christ still pursued us. Christ still came after us. Christ still saved us while we were still sinners. So the question isn't. Who deserves your love? The question is, who is God asking you to go after? Who is He putting in your heart in this very moment?