Jesus on Relationships [Family] Week 2 | Doug Sauder

Hope that it won't always be this hard. Hope that we can't fix it, but God's redemption runs deeper than your family brokenness. You see, some people are gonna hear this message and they're gonna be like, yeah, I'm screwed up, my family's screwed up, we're gonna be screwed up forever. That's not the message of the gospel. I wanna share with you a line from Psalm 130 in the Bible that describes the power of the hope that we have for our families. It comes after Psalm 127 and 128, which sort of describe the perfect families in the Bible. They're like family songs. Then Psalm 130 breaks out with this line. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love, and with him is full redemption. What's the word before redemption? It's not a test. What's the word before redemption? Full. Doesn't say partial redemption, halfway redemption. Full redemption. Now, what is redemption? Redemption is when something is so broken, and you throw it away. Good morning, Calvary Chapel. Good morning. Who's excited to be in the house of God this morning? Yeah, there we go.

That's the 11 a.m. I know. Hey, before we sing and make much of Jesus together, I wanna read Paul's letter to the church in Colossae. He's praying for them, and this is what he says. Listen, he says, we continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way, bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of life. Verse 13, he says it like this. For God, he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption and the forgiveness of sins. Aren't you grateful for Jesus this morning? Yes. That's why we worship. That's why we sing. We sing as people who have been redeemed. We sing as people who have been saved, not because of our own good behavior or because of our own morality.

No, because God is merciful and he is forgiving, and in his grace, he has reached out, he has rescued us, he has saved us, he has brought us into a new family, and we are his, and that's why we worship today. Y'all ready to worship Jesus together? Come on, let's do it together. ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Give your glory to Jesus, the snow will lie, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ The snow will lie, you won't be pleased, and I was bound in sin ♪ ♪ I was bound in sin but now I'm free ♪ ♪ My Savior broke those chains right off of me, that's good ♪ ♪ My new life can fit in my own grave, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, ever since the day that I got saved, saved, free and delivered ♪ ♪ Washed clean, my sins forgiven, glory to His holy name ♪ ♪ When I called on Jesus, I got saved, I got saved, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ I was born with blood on Calvary, yup ♪ ♪ I know this story ends in victory, yes it does ♪ ♪ Buried with Him, with Him, I am raised, oh, I am raised ♪ ♪ Oh, ever since the day that I got saved, saved, free and delivered ♪ ♪ Washed clean, my sins forgiven, glory to His holy name ♪ ♪ When I called on Jesus, I got saved, I got saved, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, since that day, when I called on Jesus, I got saved, I got saved, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ ♪ I'm not saved, I'm not saved ♪ ♪ Not who I used to be ♪ ♪ I got the Holy Spirit down inside of me ♪ ♪ My God calls me by a brand new name ♪ ♪ That's how I know that I am chosen, spoken, saved ♪ ♪ For and born again, not by my life but because of you ♪ ♪ He said, He's done, every day is paid ♪

♪ That's how I know that I am, not who I used to be ♪ ♪ I got the Holy Spirit down inside of me ♪ ♪ My God calls me by a brand new name ♪ ♪ That's how I know that I am chosen, spoken, saved ♪ ♪ For and born again, not by my life but because of you ♪ ♪ He said, He's done, every day is paid ♪ ♪ That's how I know that I am saved, saved, free and delivered ♪ ♪ Free and delivered, washed clean, I've been forgiven ♪ ♪ Glory to His holy name, when I call on Jesus, I'm gone ♪ ♪ Saved, saved, free and delivered, washed clean ♪ ♪ I've been forgiven, glory to His holy name ♪ ♪ When I call on Jesus, I'm gone, saved, I'm gone, saved ♪ ♪ Glory to His holy name, when I call on Jesus, I'm gone, saved ♪ ♪ When I call on Jesus, I'm gone, saved, I'm gone, saved ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, you saved my life, Jesus, yeah ♪ ♪ You saved my life, Jesus, yeah ♪ Can you give Jesus a shout of praise in this place today? Yeah. We're gonna continue to praise Him for what He's done for us, for who He is in our life. So let's sing His name out. How much we love Him. ♪ I could sing Your name for all my life ♪ ♪ And still find more to love each time ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name ever on my lips ♪ ♪ It's sweeter every time that I call on You ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ That makes me cry holy ♪

♪ There is no other name, there is no other name ♪ ♪ There is no other name, there is no other name ♪ ♪ Jesus You're worthy ♪ ♪ You have been the friend who never left ♪ ♪ And I won't forget Your faithfulness ♪ ♪ Jesus be the name ever on my lips ♪ ♪ It's sweeter every time that I call on You ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ That makes me cry holy ♪ ♪ There is no other name, there is no other name ♪ ♪ There is no other name, Jesus You're worthy ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your Name ♪ ♪ There's just something about Your Name ♪ ♪ That makes me cry holy ♪ ♪ There is no other name ♪ ♪ There is no other name ♪ ♪ There is no other name than Jesus, You're worthy ♪ ♪ You're worthy, yes You are, Lord ♪ ♪ We lift You high, Jesus ♪ ♪ Magnified, yes, Jesus ♪ ♪ There's no one but our God ♪ ♪ No name greater than Yours, no name stronger than Yours ♪ So we sing this out together. ♪ Jesus, Your Name is like the morning light ♪ ♪ The one the darkness can't deny ♪ ♪ The resurrection and the life, Jesus ♪

♪ Jesus, Your Name can save, Your Name can heal ♪ ♪ Your Name can make the storm disperse ♪ ♪ You never fail, You never will, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, the bread of life, broken for us ♪ ♪ The wounded and the worthy one ♪ ♪ The first, the last, the soon to come, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, the King, the Lord, the well, the great ♪ ♪ The Lord who will forever reign ♪ ♪ The Name above all other names, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name ♪ ♪ That gets all my glory, yeah, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name ♪ ♪ Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, yeah, it gets all my glory, yeah, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name against all the glory, yeah, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name Jesus be the Name, Jesus be the Name, against all the glory, yeah, ohhh There was no way, until you made one, grace upon grace, hallelujah Even though I don't deserve it, you did it, and even though I couldn't earn it, you give it Who am I that you keep me, oh you're my God, I'm just grateful for you, God I'm just grateful for you All my life, you've been right here by my side, God I'm just grateful for you, God I'm just grateful for you Holy, holy, there's only one, I give you glory, for all that you've done Even though I don't deserve it, you did it, and even though I couldn't earn it, you give it Who am I that you keep me, oh you're my God, I'm just grateful for you, God I'm just grateful for you All my life, you've been right here by my side, God I'm just grateful for you, God I'm just grateful for you Who am I that you keep me ♪ You're my God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ All my life, all my life ♪ ♪ You've been right here by my side ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ Yes, oh we are grateful for you, Jesus ♪ ♪ There's no one like you, there's no one besides you, oh ♪

♪ So I, I'm lifting both of my hands ♪ ♪ Cause you gave me chance after chance, after chance ♪ ♪ And I, I'm giving more than I am, than I am, than I am ♪ ♪ Cause you gave me chance after chance, after chance ♪ ♪ I, I'm lifting both of my hands ♪ ♪ Cause you gave me chance after chance, after chance ♪ ♪ And I, I'm giving more than I am, than I am, than I am ♪ ♪ I'm giving more than I am, you gave me chance after chance, after chance ♪ ♪ Who am I that you keep me on your mind, God? ♪ ♪ I'm just grateful for you, God, I'm just grateful for you, oh ♪ ♪ All my life, you've been right here by my side, God ♪ ♪ I'm just grateful for you, God, I'm just grateful for you, oh ♪ ♪ Who am I that you keep me on your mind, God? ♪ ♪ Oh, God, I'm just grateful for you, all my life, all my life ♪ ♪ You've been right here by my side, God, I'm just grateful for you ♪ ♪ God, I'm just grateful for you, I survive and I'm here to testify, God, I'm just grateful for you, God, I'm just grateful for you, yeah ♪ ♪ I'm alright if they say I'm out of my mind, God, I'm just grateful for you, God, I'm just grateful for you, yeah ♪ If you're grateful for Jesus today, would you just give him a shout of praise today? Come on, Calvary Chapel, would you just take the next 10 seconds to lift up the name of Jesus? He has rescued us, He has saved you guys, He has given you and I a new name. We bless your name, Jesus. There's no one like you. God, thank you, God, that you have been so faithful, that you have been so kind, that you have been so full of grace and mercy even when we don't realize it, God, you have been so good. And we thank you. We want to use this opportunity this morning to give you glory for who you are and what you've done. We are not here standing today because we're any good in and of ourselves. We're only here today because of your saving grace, because we woke up to new mercies this morning. You have rescued us. We were lost and dead in our sin and you brought us into life.

How could we not just say we are grateful and live lives that are grateful for what you have done? Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. You have always been so good to us. I know our words are few, but it's more than enough for you. There's something powerful that happens when your people, when they gather and admit where they are falling short. And when we admit that we are weak, but you are strong, there's something powerful that happens. It's when your grace is able to work in our life. And so, Lord, we humbly submit to your words. We humbly submit to who you are and what you've done. We ask that by the power of your spirit, that you would open our ears and soften our hearts to receive every bit of what your word is trying to tell us this morning. So that we would leave here different than how we came in, transformed because we met with the living God. And so we thank you, Lord Jesus, in advance for what you are going to do. We love you. We love you, King Jesus. And it's in the precious name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Calvary Chapel, we said amen. Can you give Jesus praise just one more time? You know, growing up, I couldn't wait for my dad to come home. Because I knew that meant football in the front yard with my brother. And then I knew we'd sit down to a home-cooked meal made by my mom. And though I didn't always love it, my dad would always open the Bible and read it at the end. And then homework and showers and bedtime and prayers. And that was a beautiful part of my childhood. But I also remember, well, I was a strong-willed kid and I was hyperactive.

I was one of the hardest kids that anyone's ever raised. Anyone hard to raise? And so, spankings, lots of them. Notes home from the teacher. Fights with my brother, being locked out of the house, waiting for my mom to come home to let me back into the house. All the things. And not a lot of processing of negative emotions. Not a lot of tears or time for sadness or sorrow or anger. You know, we could talk about the happy things, but we don't talk about anything that's sad. And in this family, those experiences, they shaped me. They made Doug Sauter the person that he is today. And the same is true for you. You were shaped by your family because a family is a place of formation. God has so designed it that way. It is the most powerful social unit or connector that exists. And today, we're gonna explore how Jesus experienced his childhood, his family, in three situations, what we can learn from how Jesus lived in his family, was formed in his family, and interactions he had with his family through all these different stages of life. And this is why I love the Bible, because the Bible describes so many different types of family.

Your family's different than my family. Your experience's different than mine. The Bible talks about single parents and blended families and two-parent traditional families. It talks about all different types of adoptive and foster families. And all of us will see these powerful connections with our lived experience and what we see in God's word and see that family is God's idea. And so I wanna show you what God thinks about family in a conversation he has about Abraham, the man he has picked to be the father of faith. Listen to the words of God himself describing the power of the family unit. He writes, Genesis 18, "'For I have chosen him,' that's Abraham, "'so that he will direct his children "'and his household after him "'to keep the ways of the Lord "'by doing what is right and just, "'so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham "'what he has promised him.'" You see that, so that? All the promises that God had for Abraham and his descendants and all of us were possible through the family. And if Abraham would obey God and pass his faith onto his kids, well, we would be recipients of the beautiful gospel because Jesus came from the line of Abraham

as a direct result of that promise. And here's where we see the power of family. What happens in a home can change the world. Now, you might go, well, that's great because Abraham, father of faith, great. You should've met my dad. You should've met my mom. Now, here's the beautiful thing about the Bible. When you read it carefully, it does not sanitize the characters. Abraham turns out to be sort of a compulsive liar. Every time he gets into a struggle, he tells a lie to try to get out. He puts his wife in vulnerable situations with other men while he is at ease. He is a passive father. There's favoritism in his family. When God makes a promise, he laughs at God. Abraham was not the perfect dad or the perfect husband. He had so many flaws, and yet God used him and his family to bless the world. And that's sort of like our family. There's some really good formational things, maybe some really difficult, painful things, and it's the mixture of all those things that's formed us. That's why people say that you live the first 18 years of your life, and then you spend the rest of your life processing the first 18 years. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

The power of formation in a family. And when God was gonna send his son to the world, he picked a family for his son, Joseph and Mary. Now, before we describe this family, I want you to know this. God picked your family, and God picked my family. He picked them for a divine purpose. Your family's not a twist of fate, or a coincidence, or a cosmic accident. God picked the family because he wanted to form you in a particular way. And. That was by design. So we want to be curious about what's happening. Let's think about Jesus' childhood. God could have picked anyone to raise his son. He picked a peasant carpenter in a nothing town called Nazareth, and a teenage girl. And the promise was that she would be pregnant though she was a virgin, and they would be together. And in a small town, when an unmarried woman gets pregnant, everyone talks. So Mary spends much of her pregnancy out of that city with her cousin, Elizabeth. And then they go from Nazareth to Bethlehem because of taxing. Then they go from Bethlehem to Egypt because Herod wants to kill baby Jesus. And then Jesus goes back to Nazareth and is raised in a small town where everyone knows he's that bastard child born out of wedlock.

Jesus' childhood was filled with chaos. I mean, growing up as a refugee, hunted down, all the trauma, all the moving, all the changing, all the ridicule, all the laughter, all the things. And God picked this family as the place of formation for his son. That should make us curious. Like, why did he not have the perfect family? Well, none of these men and women of faith, not even God's own son, had the perfect family. So we're gonna look at something that happened in Jesus' childhood. We're gonna actually look at three episodes of his life and his family. The first is a description of what happens when he's 12 years old and how he responds to his family. So there's only 12 verses written about Jesus' entire childhood. It's in Luke chapter two, verses 41 to 52. And it describes that every year, Joseph and Mary would take their kids to Jerusalem. That's a three to four day journey, a 75 mile walk. It was a pilgrimage every year. His brothers, his sisters, their cousins, their aunts, their uncles would go on this long journey to celebrate Passover, God's provision. And in particular, when Jesus was 12, well, they go to Passover and they start walking back. And they're a day into their walk and they realize Jesus is not with them.

I mean, imagine that, leaving a 12 year old in a big city all by himself. I mean, Joseph and Mary have been given God's one and only son. They have one job, don't lose him. And they lost him. Think about the pressure of raising God's son, right? So it takes them a day to get back and then they have to search another day. So on the third day, he's been gone for three days. They finally find him in the temple and he's teaching all the older scribes and elders and teachers of the law. And they're amazed of the wisdom of this 12 year old. And then they get like, son, where have you been? We're sick, you know, like the mom thing. And he's like, mom, don't you know I was supposed to be about my father's business? And then something powerful happens. Mary and Joseph make a request. Hey, we want you to leave this place of ministry and we want you to come back home and watch Jesus' response as a 12 year old young man. It says, then he, Jesus, went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. This is the only description we have of Jesus from 12 years old to 30 years old. Those formative years in a family.

And it describes, he honored and obeyed his mom and dad, even though he could have launched a ministry at 12 years old, he submitted himself to them. He honored his parents. And then he grew in these four ways. And these are the same four ways all of us grew. He grew in wisdom, stature, favor with God and favor with man. Let's think about this, in wisdom. He grew intellectually, he learned. He grew emotionally, he was able to process knowledge and learn how to make decisions from 12 to 16, to 20, to 25, to 30. He learned to regulate those emotions. He learned to communicate. He grew in stature, he grew physically from 12 to 30, he grew into a man, he went through puberty. He grew in favor with God, he grew spiritually in his connection. He learned to pray, he learned to read the Bible. He learned to sing songs. His mother, Mary, likely sang these songs over him as a child and read the scriptures to him and taught him how to pray. Imagine teaching the son of God how to pray. And he grew socially in favor with men, connection with other people, becoming self-aware, other-centered, learning to share all the things you learn in a family. The reality is every human being grows in these four ways.

And besides physical growth, which stops at a certain point, you never stop growing socially in your interaction with people. You never stop going in emotional, intellectual connection. You never stop growing spiritually in a relationship with God. So we see that Jesus was fully God in a human body, formed together in a human family. And as you are formed, well, you go through stages of formation. I'm gonna talk about the stages of formation because this process of formation is very important for us to understand that God designed it this way for every human being. And so let's think about the early years. How was a child formed in the earliest years of their life? I have the privilege right now of being a grandpa and watching my son raise his daughter. And it seems like in the early years, all you're doing is feeding the baby and burping the baby and changing the baby and getting the baby to sleep. And by the time you get it all done, you get in the next day and you're like, this is exhausting. I feel like I'm just keeping a human being alive. But I want you to know, especially if you're a new mom or new dad, you're doing so much more than keeping a human being alive. You are forming the heart and mind and soul of a child through something that we've learned about

over the last couple of decades called attachment theory. What is attachment theory? Attachment theory means when a baby cries and a parent comes, that baby learns that they are seen and known, that they can trust that person to take care of them. I cry, you feed me. I'm wet, you change me. I'm lonely or scared and you comfort me. And it's in this powerful eye contact, it's in this powerful connection that the human soul is formed. You are not just a series of genetic binary codes. You learn to trust, you learn to love and receive love through human connection and relationships. I'm gonna show you a picture, a powerful picture of what my wife snapped as she looked at our son stare into the eyes of his newborn daughter, Callie. What's happening here? Those little eyes, she's searching for safety. She's searching for who she can trust. And her heart and mind is being formed in a way that will affect her for the rest of her life. We know this. Research tells us if you don't hold a baby, we see this in Eastern European orphanages, babies that were just fed and placed in a crib, their brains did not develop,

their ability to connect socially with people did not develop. They were stunted in all these ways because our brains are not just, again, binary genetic code. We are wired for relationship. And the early foundational years are all about that bond. And the same thing happens spiritually. In our early journey with God, in early childhood, we learned to call it to God. And one of my favorite scriptures about the bond of attachment between a person and God comes from David. Look at this line from David. He says this, I love the Lord for he heard my voice. He heard my cry for mercy and because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. What is this? This is like a baby crying. Will someone protect me? Will someone help me? Will someone provide for me? And David said, I was desperate and I called to God and he answered me. And because he did now, I trust him and I'm gonna call on him for the rest of my life. This is the power of a family. It's the power of responsiveness.

So in the early years of childhood, you were being formed. And the beautiful thing about this is parents aren't the only ones. You see, my wife also snapped this picture and this is grandpa, papa. And she's searching, who is this person? Can I trust him? And I cannot wait to spoil her to death because the family formation is not just moms and dads, it's grandpas and grandmas, it's aunts and uncles, it's siblings. All of these things form and shape, again, the way you see authority and the way you view trust and the way you build your relationships. I mean, even with brothers and sisters. I mean, when my wife and I were raising our three sons, even though we had enough bedrooms to give them each their own bedroom, in the early years, we put them all in the same bedroom. Put three active boys in one bedroom. And here's what you have. You have a lab to teach them how to be married one day. They want to kill each other, but they can't. They have to learn how to live together in that room and share and walk through conflict. Something powerful happens in those formative years. Now, what happens if those moments of bonding and connection, well, aren't healthy? Well, we know this from psychology,

this thing of attachment styles that you grow up in different ways. I'm gonna show you just a quadrant real quick. If things go the way maybe they were designed to go in a beautiful way, you experience the top left, a secure attachment. Your adult relationships, you have healthy boundaries. You have mutual trust and support. You go through conflict in a healthy way. And what happens to the early years affects every other relationship you have. But in the top right, if you had a parent who would come and then they wouldn't come and you didn't know how to really predict if they were gonna show up or not, then you developed what you might call an anxious attachment, where you have a fear of abandonment and a need for constant validation and you're dependent on others for your identity and sense of self-worth. Maybe bottom right, you had just this very confusing way that people interacted with you and your family, dependent on if there was maybe some domestic violence or some drug and alcohol abuse, and so you become a fear, full of rejection. You don't know how to see yourself. You have a difficult time trusting and relying on people because people didn't show up for you, so you don't know how that's gonna happen for you. And then maybe you end up with dismissive

and avoidant attachment because your parents didn't express emotion. They were detached. They might have taken care of you and fed you, but maybe they didn't connect with you deeply, so you avoid intimacy and vulnerability. You might be closed off. You might have issues of commitment, and most people don't think about these things day to day. Now, I wanna say this. There's a beautiful revelation of what happens when we look at what the science and social science teaches about human development when we look at the Bible, because we're gonna see some beautiful mirror things. These two things are not opposed to each other. The Bible's not opposed to science or to medicine, but all truth is God's truth waiting to be discovered, and so what people have discovered about attachment is simply what the Bible teaches about how God picks a family to form a human being, and the beautiful thing about that formation is that if you're like, man, my family is so screwed up, which means I'm so screwed up, which means my whole family that I'm gonna raise is screwed up and my friends are screwed up, well, I'm just, here's the beautiful thing. God's redemption is greater than any of that brokenness, and we're gonna see how that works, right? We're gonna see how it works, and so hang with me for a second,

and so you go through the teenage years. Jesus went through teenage years. Jesus went through puberty. The hormones hit, and there's conflict and misunderstanding for his brothers. There was probably comparison and rivalry. I mean, imagine being Jesus' younger brother. Just imagine that for a second. You just know that Mary and Joseph are probably like, can't you just be like your older brother, who's perfect, by the way, and we get a sense as Jesus grows up, his brothers have a growing resentment toward him, and we'll see that in a minute. Then you have the independent years, where you don't need your parents as much. This happens when you give your kids the car keys, and they're like, bye. When they move off to college, and they don't call every day. When they move out and develop a family of their own, and you go from, when they were little, you sort of controlled them. If you do this, then I give you this. It's time for bed, it's time for here, and you have a lot of control, and then they become teenagers, and you're more like coaching, advising. Well, if you do this, this good thing will happen. If you do this, this bad thing will happen.

You pick, and then you go to consulting, like you offer advice, and they might just go, whatever, and that can be hard, as you go through these stages of parenting. Sometimes those moments of letting go actually reveal more about the parent than the child. Come on, somebody. We're doing group therapy right now. Come on, just hang with me. That desire of a mom for control, the desire of those parents that they invested all this, they expect a certain outcome. I mean, that child doesn't do what they want them to do, but there's a process, and this happens with Mary. Mary, who gets a visit from an angel to name her son Jesus, who watches all the miracles, who sees the dedication, who sees her 12-year-old son teach at the temple. She has a moment where she has a difficult time letting go. And it's Jesus' teaching, and the crowds are coming. He's not taking a break, and she hears, and her brothers hear about what Jesus is doing. Watch this moment of conflict when Jesus is 30 years old. Mark describes it. When his family heard about this, this busy ministry life, they went to take charge of him, for they said he is out of his mind. Jesus' own mother and own brothers came to take charge of him because they thought he was crazy. Maybe he's embarrassing the family. Maybe they think he's just out of control,

and so they come to get him, and Mark describes it. Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived at the place and standing outside, they sent someone in to call him, and a crowd was sitting around him, and they told Jesus, your mother and brothers are outside looking for you. So they're outside the house. He's busy doing ministry. He's got people all around him. They come to take him by force back to home, and Jesus gets the message. They've come for you. And when he was 12, he honored and obeyed his mom, but now he's 30, and he has a call on his life, so watch his response. Who are my mother and my brothers? He asked. Then he looked at those seated in the circle around him. He said, here are my mother and my brothers. Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother. Now, if you're in the circle around Jesus, you're like, whoa, this amazing teacher, this Messiah has just told me I'm part of this, his extended family. That feels awesome. But if you're the brother of Jesus or the mom of Jesus and you're outside, what does that feel like? Betrayal, rejection. Like all those people are now just as important as us. And that was a moment for Jesus in his family. But we watch Jesus continue to honor his mom

though he doesn't submit to all her wishes. And this is the later stages of life. How many of you know that one day the parents that took care of you, you will one day take care of them. This role reversal is gonna happen for you at some point in your life. Where your parents who fed you and changed you and clothed you and financed college and helped you buy a house and babysat and with grandparents and did all things, now all of a sudden they need care. And that role reversal is jolting for some people. But watch Jesus take care of his mom. One of the last things he does with one of the last breaths that he has is to make sure at 33 and a half years old that his mom will be taken care of. On the cross, he looks at his mom and he says this. When Jesus saw his mother there and the disciple whom he loves standing nearby, he said to her, woman, here is your son. And to the disciple, here is your mother. And from that time on, this disciple took her into his home. I love this about Jesus. I mean, as he's suffering, he's thinking about the thief on the cross who needs salvation. He's thinking about his mom who's gonna be left all alone.

He's thinking about his best friend who needs a mom. And he's able to honor his mom in his last few breaths. And listen, we live in a culture that says older people, what use are they? I mean, maybe they should just go off somewhere to a home and disappear in this place of honor, a place of caring for, is really been neglected in our culture. And so I want us to focus on three things. These three experiences we see in Jesus, in his family. I want us to pull out the principles to apply them to our own life. And so here's the first one. When we talk about what Jesus can teach us about family, he teaches us to create a culture of honor in your family. He honors his mom in those last moments. He obeys his parents in those early moments when he's 12. And we get this scripture in the book of Ephesians for Christian families. Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may go well with you, that you may enjoy a long life on earth. So you see those two words, one is obey and one is honor. What's the difference between those two words? Well, obey means you do what they ask you to do. My parents ask me, Jesus is 12, to come home, so I'm gonna come home with him. You ask your kids to clean their room.

Often I would say to my three boys when they're at home, hey, it's time to clean your room. You can't watch TV until you clean your room. And they would do this. Now, is that what I would hope for as a parent? They obeyed me. Obeying is the action. Honor is the heart. Honor says, I wanna do this because I love and respect my parents. The word honor actually has the root word of worth in it. I do this because of what you are worth to me. Sometimes we can obey God and grit our teeth because it's the right thing to do, but God would be more interested in saying, even though I don't want to, you're worth it to me, so I'm gonna do it with gratitude in my heart. That's honor. And you can, yeah. And you can create a culture of honor in your home that runs both ways. Maybe you've heard it this way, just because rules themselves, rules without relationship lead to rebellion. In other words, you can get your kids to obey you at a young age. You can sort of control them and you can use all sorts of forms to get them to obey. You can shame them. You can get angry and raise your voice and scream at them.

You can use comparison to make them feel less than. You can, in some ways, ask them to do things you're not willing to do. And those things have short-term impacts, but long-term. They destroy relationships. And so that's why the next command is this. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. That honor actually goes both ways. Do not exasperate your children. So the biggest way that parents can exasperate their children is hypocrisy. Hey, I'm gonna drop you off at church because you need to know about God. I'm going out to breakfast. I'll be back. Hey, read your Bible. Oh, but I don't have time to read my Bible. Or the most common one, say you're sorry. And your kids have never heard you say you're sorry. One of the things I love about my wife is she'd be the first one in our family to own something where she'd be like, hey, son, I just wanna let you know like the way I said, you're grounded. Like I said it in anger and I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I don't wanna talk to you that way. I love you. You're still grounded, but I'm sorry. What is that?

Firm training, instruction. But mommy needs grace just like you need grace. Modeling, apology, forgiveness. So now your kids aren't exasperated because they're doing what you are doing. They're seeing it. And this is what the Bible instructs parents to do. In Deuteronomy chapter six, we get this sort of primer for parents where God says, hey, if you're gonna parent, make sure that you honor me first and out of that will flow everything else. Here's the command to every Hebrew parent in the Old Testament. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Mom, dad, it has to be in you first. It has to be your priority. God, I love you first and I love you most. And I pray that your love and patience and wisdom would be poured into me so that I can then pour it into my kids. And then once that priority of honoring God is set, well, then the next command. So now impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up.

Something powerful, just the simple things of life. As you wake up and make your coffee and sit around the breakfast table, a conversation about God, a sharing of scripture. As you drive in the car, maybe dropping your kids off to school and taking them to practice. And you, instead of turning on all the music and noise and Spotify, just let it sit quiet and just say, hey, how can I pray for you today? And before they get out of the car, pray for them. Before they walk into school or at that practice and make it, the car, a place of connection, a place of training, instruction, nurturing, modeling. You see, when this happens, the family unit will become the most powerful, transformational, relational connection that the world has ever seen. This type of connection changes people, it changes families, it changes churches, it changes cities, it changes the world. Psalm 127 says, a man and his wife, when they have kids, they're like a warrior whose quiver is full of kids who are like arrows. And they launch them and they are these mighty warriors that we have the potential, within families, we have the potential to change the world. And how many of you know that the enemy doesn't like that? So the enemy's gonna go after families,

gonna go after marriages. Comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And so all the brokenness in your family is not just a result of dysfunction that's happened generationally, it's also part of a spiritual plan of attack that wants to destroy you, that wants to destroy all your future relationships. And so, we see in Jesus' family, a powerful redemption of God. And so here's the second idea. Embrace God's redemption for your family. Jesus sees his brothers mock him, his brothers doubt him, his brothers try to take charge of him because he's crazy, and he sees them come to faith and become four of the greatest leaders in the early church. Their full redemption of God happened in Jesus' broken family. And that means it could happen in your family and my family. So let's talk about the brokenness just for a moment. You know, there's a growing trend in our culture. It's a trend that's signified by these two words, no contact. And what it is, it's a family member who cuts off other family members. I cut off my father, I cut off my mother, I cut off my brother, I cut off my sister, because at some point in our life, there was such conflict or hurt that now I just don't want to deal with it.

How widespread is this? Cornell University did a study a few years back. 27% of Americans 18 years and older have asked for no contact with another family member. A 2024 Harris poll, it was 35%. This is the product of the cancel culture. You hurt me, I cut you off. And again, there are some valid reasons why we might create boundaries with family members that are harmful. So obviously, if there's domestic violence, if there's danger, if there's abuse of any kind, we don't want to just say, well, Jesus loves and forgives and let's go back. No, no, no, no, no. And that's part of why counselors and a community of people will help you make those decisions when it comes to those boundaries. But often, these polls suggest that the reason people cut off family members has more to do with disagreeing about lifestyle choices or sexuality or faith or politics. It's people who say, it's about me, the rise of individualism. It's a focus or over-focus. I want to be healthy and happy. I don't want to deal with the pain of my past because in the past, when I was a child, I felt dismissed or criticized. I felt controlled.

I felt judged. I felt wounded. There was favoritism in my family. And we swept under the rug for so long that walking through redemption feels too long, too slow, too hard, too much effort, too much drama. It'd be better off if I just moved on. And I wonder what that does to our souls. I wonder what that does when God says, honor your father and mother, and we say, well, I see that, but I've decided this. And so as the people of God, one of the things that we need more than anything else is hope, hope that it won't always be this hard, hope that we can't fix it, but God, God's redemption runs deeper than your family brokenness. You see, some people are gonna hear this message and they're gonna be like, yeah, I'm screwed up, my family's screwed up, we're gonna be screwed up forever. No, that's not the message of the gospel. I wanna share with you a line from Psalm 130 in the Bible that describes the power of the hope that we have for our families. It comes after Psalm 127 and 128, which sort of describe the perfect families in the Bible. They're like family songs. Then Psalm 130 breaks out with this line. Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love,

for with the Lord is unfailing love, and with him is full redemption. What's the word before redemption? It's not a test. What's the word before redemption? Full. Doesn't say partial redemption, halfway redemption, full redemption. Now, what is redemption? Redemption is when something is so broken, you throw it away. And then someone goes, hey, I can do something with this. This is what God loves to do. That's why one of his names is the Redeemer. That broken relationship, that broken family, I can do something with this. With God, there is full redemption. That's why the song says, put your hope, not in your therapists, not in your own insight, and not in your mom or dad's ability to receive feedback. Put your hope in God, because with him is full redemption. Come on, people, this is our God, right? This is our song, this is our hope. Now, this is where I get curious, because I'm gonna, remember I said to you earlier, like, there's no dichotomy between science and physiology and the Bible, that we're all waiting to discover the truth that God is embedded in creation in our bodies. So I'm gonna show you something fascinating about your brain.

Your brain and the way you trust, your brain and the way you look at authority, your brain, the way you let people in, love, and receive love, was formed as a child, and it shapes the way you attach. However, it's not permanent. In the last several decades, neurological researchers have discovered that new pathways can form, and they've described the brain as this neuroplasticity, the chance that entrenched ways of thinking, because of a lack of human connection in childhood, can be reformed by new human connections, which means you can learn to trust again. You can learn to go through conflict resolution. You can learn to be alone with your thoughts and not freak out. You can learn to be in a relationship and not control. You can learn to figure out who you are without someone constantly affirming into that little vacuum that's just endless. When you realize, I can hear God's voice for me, I can discover who I am and how he called me to be here, and that idea of redoing your mind was written about 2,000 years ago, before the phrase neuroplasticity ever existed. Check this out. How does a person change? Romans 12.2, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. That word transformed literally means a metamorphosis. You were formed a certain

way, but now God invites you to be transformed by renewing the way that you think and submitting yourself to God's word and not just letting your experiences define you. And so this provides an opportunity for any brokenness in your family to be curious. Why am I like that attachment thing? I think I'm got that dismissive thing. I'm guarded. I've got this fear of rejection. Why am I like this? And I want to be careful not just to blame my mom and blame my dad, because if I'm thoughtful, I could ask, why are they like that? Oh, they were raised and they had a father who was an alcoholic and they had a mother who left and they experienced poverty as a child. And that's why they hoarded. And that's why they tried to control. And I was raised in that environment and that shaped me. And so I'm not just going to simply blame my parents or my siblings for all the things that are happening in my life. Now I'm going to own my own stuff. And I want to give myself compassion and myself mercy. Like I want to extend to them and be curious, God, how could you bring healing to them? How could you bring healing to me? How could you use me as an agent of healing in their life? You might be the only Christian in your family. You might be the youngest Christian in your family. You are not too young for God to use you in your family. You are not too alone for just praying for your parents, praying for your brothers and sisters, praying for aunts and uncles where a stranger has taken place. God can use those prayers to change your entire family. Every week I see it. People are like, I didn't talk to my kid for 10 years. And then I started to pray. Bam. I didn't talk to my brother for a decade. And then I prayed and sent a voice text, just wondering what would happen. And he responded. And we had lunch. And we made up for all that lost time. This is what God wants to do in your family. And so there's a posture that's important. First is curiosity. It's not a posture of blaming. It's a posture of wondering, God, can you take this and use it for something? And then Romans 12 gives us like three ways to think about this transformation. Right after it talks about being transformed, it gives us three ways to think about how do we enter into this very difficult space. Romans 12, 3. By the grace given me, I say to every one of you, do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with faith that God has distributed to each of you. Approach other people with humility. You don't approach them with, I'm a Christian. I know Jesus. I have the Bible. I'm right. You're wrong. You need to change. I've never seen that work with anybody. Because your family doesn't care how much you know until they know how much you care. Humbly. This is my role in the conflict. Humbly. I can't fix everything. I can only tell you what

I've learned. I can only tell you where I've learned it from. Humility. Curiosity. And then Romans 12, 10. Love. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Consider the worth of that brother, that sister, that aunt, that uncle, that grandparent, that grandchild, that mom, that dad. What are they worth to God? And could I see them for a minute in the lens of how you see them and extend the same grace to them you've extended to me? And then Romans 12, 18. And if it's possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. My goal is peace. My goal is not to argue with him. My goal is not to win the argument. My goal is not to be contentious. My goal is to win the person. To win back the relationship. To be at peace. Right? And it's crazy. Like all, all these things in the parts of our life we don't want to talk about are flushed to the surface in God's Word. And then this road map of how we might navigate, no guarantee of the outcome, but a road map of how we might navigate the full redemption of God and our family is given to us. And we're like, well, I should just try this. I should just try praying. I mean, at the close of our service, after communion, we're gonna have a chance just to pray. Because I know that different relationships and areas have come to your mind and heart in this time. And we just want to be people who, who pray and begin to pray every day for that person by name. And just be curious, God, what is one step I can take in humility, as a peacemaker, in love, to be a part of building that bridge. And so Jesus talks about creating this culture of honor. He talks about trusting in God's redemption, even for his own brothers. And then, then he models this, this expanding view of the family. Expand your view of the family. The family that you're a part of is way bigger than you think. than you can see, because Jesus defines the family, not just biologically, blood-related, but blood-related. You understand what I'm saying? We're all related together by the blood of Jesus. When we take communion in a moment, we are connecting over a family meal, over the death of Jesus that binds us together as one unit. And I love this church because so many people in this church have understood that idea from the very beginning. I mean, so many of you have opened up your families

to kids in foster care. You've adopted kids who are not your biological kids. And you have learned, as I have learned, to love that child as if they came from my own body. And you start to see the power of the expansive view of God's family. So many of you in your own families, it's like, hey, I've had a really good family, but how do we open our family up to that single mom and that child who doesn't have a father? How can they eat at our table? How can they experience a part of this? And we can invite them in. And when you experience this, there's nothing like it in the world because we know it's not good for anyone to be alone. And I wanted to say a word for those who are watching online. I know some people watch online because they don't live in the area and some people watch online because they're sick or they're traveling, but there are many people who watch online. You choose to watch online as your engagement with our church. And I just wanna say, if you do that over a long period of time, it's like engaging with a Thanksgiving family dinner over Zoom. You see them eat the turkey.

You hear grandpa pray the prayer, but you miss the encounter. You miss the presence. You miss the moments where we worship together and God's spirit inhabits us. You miss the moments of prayer at the altar. You miss the moments of communions. I wanna encourage you, if you've gotten to the habit of saying, my connection to the family is just virtual, you're missing what it means to be part of a family in the most important moments. And I wanna give you two. Like one I experienced on Saturday and one I'm about to experience next Saturday. Most of you may have heard that Pastor Chris and his wife Shona, their son, Jacob Bosley, she passed away last week. And now he's with Jesus. And burying a 16 year old son is not an easy task. But we gathered yesterday at the plantation campus. I can only say that the love in that family was palpable. And the relationships of people who were not related to each other at all felt so close that you could just feel the presence of God. I was overwhelmed. And I've experienced many of these moments of the level of love and connection and hope

as two parents grieve the loss of their teenage son. And God wants that for us in those moments. Next Saturday, there's a Calvary house graduation. Men and women who were stuck in addiction, they were this close to death. And Jesus rescued them and put them in a house together and a family together. And now when you hear them share their testimonies, not just how they got free of drugs and alcohol, but how in a community their lives are being forged and changed together, there's gonna be this like sense like, I want that. And as you live in the church and the family of God, you begin to experience this extended family moments. And if you've not experienced that, then showing up at some other time than a weekend, show up on a Wednesday night, we'll dig into this a little deeper. We'll do a Q&A, listen to a podcast, show up at these small environments where the big church becomes small and you get to know people and they get to know you and you experience the beauty of this moment. Family is the most powerful social unit. That exists on this planet, created by God to form people. And the church is his family. And today we're gonna share communion. And so I'm gonna ask you to pull out your communion elements.

This again is a family meal. Paul says that we together as the household and family of God, we'll try to grasp how high and long and wide and deep is the love of Christ. If you don't have communion elements, you can raise your hand. If you're not a Christian, I wanna encourage you to watch us do this because this is a moment for Christians to remember that Jesus died for them. His blood was spilled for them. And if you're curious, how do I become part of the family? It's not that you give a big donation or that you go help all the poor people in the world or climb a mountain or work off your sins. The simple way you start a relationship with God and be a part of his family is to receive the gift that he's given you. The Bible says this, to as many as received him, he gave their right to be called the children of God, not by human decision or origin, but by the gift of God. Which means if you wanna be in relationship with God, if you wanna be. be forgiven by God, if you wanna be adopted by God, you have to receive the gift of forgiveness and salvation and adoption. How do you do that?

It's simply a prayer where you repent of your sins, you're distanced from God, where you believe the good news of the gospel for yourself. And if you're here today and you wanna start a relationship with God, I'm just gonna lead you in a quiet prayer to God, he's watching, he's attentive to everything that's happening in this room. And so Father, if there's anyone here who doesn't know you, I pray, they would just utter the simple prayer, God, I open my heart and I invite you inside to be my savior, forgive my sins, I wanna follow you. And this, a simple prayer, if you prayed it in faith, means that you can join us in communion. And so we're gonna give you a moment of quiet reflection as you think about how have I been able to create a culture of honor, what I've been convicted of today? How can I be comforted in the hope of the gospel that no matter how broken my family situation is, no matter how deep the divide between me and a family member or friend, that God can bridge it and heal it. And just talk to Jesus about that. Maybe how can God use my family? I never thought about that before. How do I connect deeply with other Christians? And then we're gonna sing a song over you. It's not a typical communion song, it's a song called The Blessing.

The Lord bless you, the Lord keep you, the Lord make his face shine upon you, the Lord be gracious to you, the Lord give you peace. And then after that song, we'll take communion together as a family. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. The Lord bless you and keep you. Make His face shine upon and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace. Our God is for you. He sees you. He knows you. He loves you. And we hold the proof of that in our hands. He sent His one and only Son so that we could be adopted into His family. And so this is the family meal of a grateful people. On the night that Jesus was arrested, He took bread and He broke it. He said, this is my body, it's given for you. Every time you eat it, remember me. Let's remember Jesus together. On that same night, He took the cup and He said, this cup is the new covenant in my blood. It's given for you. Every time you drink it, remember me. Let's remember Jesus. Everyone take a deep breath.

So we talked about a lot and this is when our service would typically end, but I'm gonna invite you just to stay for a few more moments as we pray and process together all that we've talked about. I'm gonna invite Pastor Ruben to lead us in a time of prayer. I'm gonna invite Pastor Ruben to lead us in a time of prayer.