Jesus and Relationships (FRIENDSHIP) | Doug Sauder
Everything in your life revolves around a relationship of some sort—your friends, coworkers, parents, kids, or spouse. This is because God designed it that way! Join us this weekend as we start a new series to discover why connections matter and how to grow a meaningful relationship with God and others.
Well, good morning, Calvary Chapel, come on, let's stand and rise to our feet, hope we're ready to worship the Lord. Let's give Him our highest praise this morning. Let's put our hands together. Lift your voice, sing this. For all of eternity, praise will resound. I don't have to worry or lame like right now. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. In heaven and earth the same. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. Exhausted for endless days. The Lion of Judah, the Lamb who was slain. Forever and ever He reigns. He shall be praised, praised. He shall be praised. No trouble. No trouble or trial will silence my song. My strength is in Jesus, Lord, I'm not staying gone. Through mountains and valleys my joy will reign. Cause I've got a hope as He emptied the grave. Lift your voice. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. In heaven and earth the same. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. Exhausted for endless days. The Lion of Judah, the Lamb who was slain. Forever and ever He reigns. He shall be praised, praised. He shall be praised. Well, come on church, let's put our hands together and celebrate the Lord today.
Everybody clap your hands. Everybody move your feet. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. Give it all, don't hold back. Praise Him with all you have. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. Everybody clap your hands. Everybody move your feet. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. Give it all, don't hold back. Praise Him with all you have. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. Everybody clap your hands. Everybody move your feet. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. Give it all, don't hold back. Praise Him with all you have. Isn't He worthy? Worthy of everything. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. In heaven and earth the same. He shall be praised, He shall be praised. Exalted for endless days. The Lion of Judah, the Lamb that was slain. Forever and ever He reigns.
He shall be praised, praised. He shall be praised. He shall be praised. Wasn't that a great way to start the morning church? To sing He shall be praised. And He shall be praised for all that He's done. In all of our lives. This next song is our collective story. It's the story of all humanity. That we were lost. We were in need of a Savior. And Jesus stepped in to that story. You guys know this song. Please sing along with us. How great the chasm that lay between us. How high the mountain ran. mountain I could not climb. In desperation I turned to heaven How low the valley ran. How high the mountain ran. and spoke your name into the night. And through the darkness How high the mountain ran. And He rose to save us all. your loving kindness tore through the shadows of my soul. The work is finished, the end is written. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Who could imagine so great a mercy? What heart could fathom such boundless grace? The God of ages stepped down from glory to wear my sin and bear my shame. The cross has spoken, I am forgiven. The King of kings brought me his own. Beautiful Savior, I'm yours forever. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Hallelujah, praise the one who set me free. Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me. You
have broken every chain. There's salvation in your name. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Then came the morning that sealed the promise. Your buried body began to breathe. And out of the silence the roaring lion declared the grave has no claim on me. Hallelujah. Then came the morning that sealed the promise. Your buried body began to breathe. And out of the silence the roaring lion declared the grave has no claim on me. Jesus, yours is the victory. Yes, it is. Hallelujah, praise the one who set me free. Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me. You have broken every chain. There's salvation in your name. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Hallelujah, praise the one who set me free. Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me. You have broken every chain. There's salvation in your name. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Jesus Christ, my living hope. Amen. You know, when we gather for worship and we gather to sing, it's not only us singing. We are joining all of God's people all around the world in their worship to God, in their worship to our creator, our king. And even then, it's not only just us on earth worshiping the Lord. The scriptures tell us that right now in heaven there is a worship service with all the heavenly creatures worshiping God. So I want to give you a picture of what's happening in heaven. And right now, as we worship, here's what it says, Revelation 5, verse 9. And they, talking about the angels and heavenly creatures, they sang a new song, saying, "'You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals, "'because you were slain, and with your blood, "'you purchased for God persons from every tribe "'and language and people and nation.'"
That's us. "'You've made them to be a kingdom and priests "'to serve our God, and they will reign on the earth.'" And in a loud voice, they were saying, "'Worthy is the Lamb who was slain "'to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength "'and honor and glory and praise, "'that I heard every creature in heaven and on earth "'and under the earth and on the sea, "'and all that is in them, "'saying to him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb, "'be praise and honor and glory and power "'forever and ever, amen.'" And as the first song said, that God will be praised in heaven and on earth the same. That means when we join in song, we are joining the song of heaven. So let's join the heavens in worshiping God today. Let's sing this together. Let's sing this together. ♪ A thousand generations falling down in worship ♪ ♪ To sing the song of ages to the Lamb ♪ ♪ And all who've gone before us and all who will believe ♪ ♪ Will sing the song of ages to the Lamb ♪ Sing your name. ♪ Your name is the highest, your name is the greatest ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all ♪ ♪ All thrones and dominions, all powers and positions ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all and the angels cry ♪ ♪ And the angels cry, you're holy, all creation cries ♪
Sing it. ♪ You're holy forever ♪ ♪ And if you've been forgiven, and if you've been redeemed ♪ ♪ Sing the song forever to the Lamb ♪ If you want. ♪ And if you walk in freedom, and if you bear His name ♪ ♪ Sing the song forever to the Lamb ♪ ♪ Oh, sing the song forever and amen ♪ ♪ And the angels cry, holy, all creation cries ♪ ♪ Holy, you are lifted high ♪ ♪ Holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ Let your people sing, holy to the king of kings ♪ ♪ Holy, you will always be, holy to the king of kings ♪ ♪ Holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ Your name is the highest ♪ ♪ Your name is the greatest ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all ♪ ♪ Above all norms and amendments, all powers and positions ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all, Jesus ♪ ♪ Your name is the highest ♪ ♪ Your name is the greatest ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all ♪ ♪ All norms and amendments, all powers and positions ♪ ♪ Your name stands above them all, Jesus ♪ ♪ Stands above them all and the angels cry ♪ ♪ Holy, our creation Christ ♪ ♪ Holy, new and lifted high ♪ ♪ Holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ Oh, hear your people sing ♪ ♪ And holy to the king of kings ♪
♪ Holy, you will always be ♪ ♪ Holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ We cry out and we cry holy, holy, holy ♪ ♪ We cry holy, holy, holy ♪ ♪ We cry holy, holy, holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ Holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ And we cry holy, holy, holy ♪ ♪ We cry holy, holy, holy ♪ ♪ We cry holy, holy, holy, holy forever ♪ ♪ Forever ♪ We praise you. For you are holy. You are worthy. You are so worthy God of all of our praise, all of our worship. Would you sing that chorus again with me? ♪ And the angels cry holy ♪ ♪ All creation cries holy ♪ ♪ You are lifted high holy, holy forever ♪ Hear your people. Hear your people sing. This is all for you Jesus. ♪ King of kings, holy ♪ ♪ You will always be holy, holy forever ♪ We love you God. Let's pray. Let's pray. Gracious Lord, will you heal your people? Would you hear us? We worship you and you alone.
We come into your presence offering our hearts and our voices to you. It's just our response the way that you have loved us. We sang it before when the chasm was far too wide. You chased after us. You would send your son to do what we couldn't, to live the life that none of us could live on our own. And out of a response to such love, grace and mercy, we lay our lives and our hearts down at your feet. Have our worship and have our praise because it's in your name that we sing. In your name we pray. In your name we pray. And all of God's people said together, amen. Church, isn't it great to worship in the house of the Lord of the day? You can have a seat. Father, we take a moment and pause just to remind our hearts that you see us, that you know us as we sit here. You know everything about us and you love us anyway. You love us deeply. And God, I pray the security and safety of that friendship would allow us to step out of our comfort zones and out of our shells and to make new friends, to go on a mission for you, to watch you do work that only you can do in our lives. And God, I pray that as your word is read today, as we look at Jesus and how he lived, that we would feel this sense of challenge
and expectation for the good things you have for us as your kids. And so. He's a speak through your word today. We're listening. We pray this in your name. Amen. You know, growing up all through my childhood and teenage years, I was surrounded by friends in my neighborhood and plantations, little bike gang, you know, going around, playing football in the park and at school and class and on all the soccer teams and football teams and basketball teams. I was always surrounded by friends. And in high school, the friendships weren't always, you know, the right type of friendships because, you know, life of the party and all the things that happen when you're not connected to Jesus. But I was never really alone. And then I became a Christian at 18 years old and all my friends sort of disappeared. And for the first time in my life, I was alone. On a Friday night, there was no one to call because all my friends were partying and that wasn't my life anymore. Though I found that God had met me in a place, you feel that hole, that God-shaped hole in all of us that I was looking for, a sense of peace with God and purpose and joy, and it was worth it.
That sense of loneliness, that aching, like there's gotta be something more. It just wouldn't leave me. And then I read this scripture in the book of Genesis on the first few pages of the Bible about Adam in the Garden of Eden. And here's what it says about Adam in the garden. It is not good for the man to be alone. This is God speaking about Adam. Adam is in a perfect garden. Sin has not entered the world yet. Adam walks with God in the morning. He is deeply wired and connected to God, but has no earthly or human companion. And God says it's not good for him to be alone. And that's when it clicked. That not only do we as human beings have a God-shaped hole that only he can fill in our lives, but we also have a human-shaped hole that only other people can fill in our lives. And we are wired for this deep connection. You see, the feeling that a lot of us could have in a room like this is I'm alone and I'm the only one. But that's a lie because you are not alone in your loneliness. Every human being at different stages and moments of life will struggle with loneliness. I just got a new job. I don't know anyone. I'm going away to a new college.
I'm not sure what it's gonna be like. I just went home to be with the kids and now I'm home and I don't feel the connections I used to have. What do I do with that sense of loneliness? And to admit that you're lonely, oh, that's tough. Because like, if you admit you're lonely, aren't people that are lonely, aren't they like losers? They don't have friends that no one wants to hang out with them? And I can't say that. So I just say, praise the Lord, life is good. I sing my songs, I read my Bible. I show up in church, I smile and wave. But inside? And if we're honest, all of us have those moments. We are wired deeply to connect with God and we are wired deeply to connect with others. And what the Bible teaches, social science confirms. I wanna share with you a study. This is the longest longitudinal study of human health and happiness ever done by Harvard University. It began in 1934 and they were studying 724 men. It was gonna follow them through adolescence all the way through old age. And then their kids and grandkids. 724 men, 1,300 of their descendants. This study has been in effect for 92 years. And they're looking for factors that lead to happiness in life and longevity in life.
What are habits that help people stay healthy and happy? And so they started looking at all these different factors individually. Is it money? If you have more money, will you be happier and live longer? Is it good physical health? If you work out and sleep good and have proper diet, is that gonna help you to live a longer and happier life? What about IQ? Well, if you're smarter than everyone else, well, certainly you're gonna have a better life because you're gonna make better decisions. And all of those factors paled in comparison to this one factor that was more dominant than any other factor in producing a life of health and happiness. And it was deep relationships, social connection. Harvard stumbled across something we could have read in the second page of our Bible. It is not good for you to be alone. We are wired to connect with other people. In fact, they really looked closely at the difference between physical fitness and what they called social fitness. And they discovered that you are better off having strong, deep connections and being unhealthy than you are being super healthy when having no social connections. So here's how I conclude the whole study. You are better off eating Twinkies with friends
than you are eating broccoli all by yourself. Some of you guys, that's all you're gonna remember from the sermon. You're gonna go home and go, I need to eat some Twinkies with my friends. And when we think about social connections and how they help us to live the full life that God created for us, well, they just released some data about how many people now eat meals all by themselves. More people eat meals by themselves than people who eat meals with other people. What's happening? The places of social connection where we get to know each other, where we look each other in the eyes, these social connections are being frayed by all sorts of factors. The busyness factor, the remote work factor. I work from home now. COVID created social distancing. And then of course there's this thing, this thing that we touch 2,600 times a day. This thing that if you're walking away and you can't find it, you go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay. I'm not talking about myself. I have friends that do that. This thing that causes us to miss moments where we're with the most important people in our lives
and we have this distracted. The thing that robs us of eye contact, one of the deepest ways we socially connect with other people. And it creates this level of distraction and addiction that makes us feel connected with 1,000 people, but really we're not connected at all. This is happening in our world. We're eating together less. We're more distracted. We're less engaged. And we see in the first page of the Bible, it's not good for us to be alone. It's not good for us to be isolated. In fact, this loneliness epidemic was described by the US Surgeon General in 2023 after COVID and after all the things. And he described loneliness as a national public health epidemic. And here's the line from his report. "'Isolation is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.'" Now, this is science. I'm saying, if you really think like, that's crazy, smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It's just as crazy to be all by yourself and let anxiety take its place in your heart and let depression make you feel more and more disconnected from other people. And you find yourself going into yourself and that pressure and stress and burden
and feeling of I'm all by myself is not how you are wired to live. And so one of the questions we wanna ask ourself is like, so what happens when you have all these connections, but none of them are deep? Like, as we're the most connected generation. Right now, I can FaceTime someone in Singapore and I can, in real time, be connected with them. But here's the challenge with these relationships that are a thousand miles wide and a half inch deep. Well, Solomon says it this way. "'A man of many companions may come to ruin, "'but there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother.'" What is Solomon saying? He's saying, if you have a lot of friends, you're in big trouble. What? Yeah, if you have a thousand friends, you're in big trouble because when you need to call someone, you're gonna realize you don't have a thousand friends, you have a thousand companions, a thousand connections that are about this deep. But if you could find a friend who sticks closer than a brother who will pick up your phone call in a time of need, then you'll never be alone in the world again. And so in all of this, we're gonna let Jesus speak. Because you're like, man, I came to church today to be encouraged, talk about relationships, and frankly, I'm depressed.
I wanna go Twinkie with my friend. I mean, this is tough stuff. All right, so everyone take a deep breath. In all of this, Jesus is gonna speak into this cultural moment. He's gonna show us what friendship is about. He's gonna speak about it. He's gonna model it. And as followers of Jesus, we would be wise to pay attention. How did Jesus make friends? What did his friendships look like? How long did they last? How did he navigate all the things? And we're gonna see this as we look at Mark chapter three, verse 14. This describes his introduction moment where he invites 12 men to be his friends and to walk with him for the next three years. It says, he appointed 12, that they may be with him, and that he might send them out to preach. He picked these 12 men after praying all night long. He wanted to be with them, and he wanted to send them on a mission. These two things are descriptors of his friendships with the disciples. on and on. So what does this look like? He wanted to be with them. Well, if you read the first description
of how he met the disciples, the disciples were looking on at Jesus. He was teaching, people were following him, and they asked him a question. Hey, Jesus, where are you sleeping tonight? And he says, come and see. And then the Bible describes, they spent the entire day with Jesus. I wonder what that was like. That first meal, that second meal, that conversation, where'd they walk, what'd they do? And then they started bringing their friends, their brothers, and this band of disciples began to follow Jesus. For the next three years, they ate together, they traveled together, they slept together. They went through moments of high, high, miraculous wins, and then some really difficult losses and setbacks. They worked some 20-hour days together, and then they retreated and had a totally uncluttered time of just kind of hanging out together. And Jesus, he huddles his disciples together now because he knows he's about to be crucified. And he says this to his disciples. I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I've called you friends. For everything I learned from my father, I have made known to you. Jesus reiterates what the Bible's been talking about
for centuries. Jesus reveals the heart of his father that God wants to be your friend. Wait, what? That the creator of the universe wants to be your friend. He gave us glimpses when we look at Adam and Eve walking in the garden, God would walk with Adam and Eve in the cool of the morning. This picture of friendship, hey, let's go on a walk. This picture of Abraham being called a friend of God. This picture of Moses who would talk to God face-to-face like a man talks to his friend. And Jesus is like, I'm here to reveal the father. I'm here to show you how the father loves. I don't just want to use you for my mission. You're not just useful for me. I actually like you. And there's a big difference between being in partnership with someone or even loving someone and liking them. Let's just be honest. You know why God loves you? Because he has to. In your family, you have to love them, your family. You have no choice, but you might not like them. There's a difference between I love you and I like you. I like you is looking at someone and say, I am genuinely glad you were born. And I'm genuinely glad to be in a relationship with you.
That's a whole nother level. God doesn't just love you. He likes you. He's got your picture on his fridge. I mean, he's proud of you. And this is what Jesus reveals. I'm not just calling you my servants. I'm calling you my friends. And he gives them this beautiful vision of friendship. And then he says things like, hey, and so I want to make this invitation, not just to the disciples 2000 years ago, but to you remain in my love, abide in my love, walk with me. And what does it look like to have a friendship with Jesus today? Well, in the same way Abraham spent time walking with God, Moses spent time in God's presence. We can also learn to have a friendship with Jesus. What does it mean to have a friendship with Jesus? While I was preparing for this message, I thought of a couple of moments. One was like this last Tuesday morning, I woke up and the sky was painted with this incredible sunrise. And I could have said, God, thanks for the sunrise. But for some reason, because this was on my mind, I just said, Jesus, thanks for making that for me. And it's just like, just this moment of connection. Or before I walk out here, I could say,
Jesus, here we go. We're doing this together. Because I don't know if you know this or not, but Jesus doesn't need me or you. But he delights to use us in this beautiful friendship and partnership. He invites us to have a friendship with Jesus. But he also invites us to have a friendship with others. And so I'm gonna ask you this question that maybe you've never asked yourself before, that Jesus invites us to ask, and that's this. What is your vision for friendship? Your vision for your entire life? If it's the most important thing, according to God's word, and the researchers on human health and happiness, do you have a vision for your friendships? Because most of us have a vision for our money. We have a financial planner. We do our budget. If I save, here's what I'll be able to accomplish. We have a vision for education. I'm gonna get this degree and this degree and this degree. We have a vision for our parenting. I want my kids to go from here to here to here. We have a vision for lots of things, but almost no one has a vision for friendship. And yet if it's one of the most important factors, and Jesus models us, well, we would be wise to consider what would those friendships look like? And so I want us to see four things that we see Jesus do,
that if we put into practice, it would deepen our friendship and give us a broader vision of how can I experience this beautiful gift that God has given? And so I'm gonna give you four points right up front, and then we're gonna go through them one at a time. Here it is, if you wanna grow in friendship, you gotta take a risk, you gotta show up, you gotta call up, and you gotta take off your mask. All right, so you ready? We're gonna do this one at a time. Everybody ready? Wow, that was so unenthusiastic. Is everybody ready? Yes. Okay, here we go. First one, take a risk. Friendship is a risk. Why is friendship a risk? Because if I put myself out there and you do this, no, thank you, I feel rejected. I don't wanna feel rejected. Or if you put yourself out there and someone starts a relationship with you, they could hurt you, they could use you, they could betray you. Anybody know what I'm talking about? Jesus knows this and chooses friends anyway. He chooses 12, and one of them was named Judas. And here's the description of Judas in Psalm 41.
Even my close friend, someone I trusted, who shared my bread, has turned against me. Jesus knew he would be betrayed and it would lead to his death because of a close friend, and he chose friendship anyway. Just let that rest on you for a second. Some of you are like, I can't make friends because I've been hurt. Listen, the only risk greater than starting a relationship that leads to your hurt is not starting a relationship at all. You see, we've read through Ecclesiastes in Ecclesiastes chapter four. Solomon describes a man and he says, this man was all alone. He didn't have a son to take his inheritance. He didn't have a friend to walk with him and protect him. And everything he was doing in life, though it looked very successful, was meaningless because he was all alone. And then Solomon gives this vision of why friendship is so important, because two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
The only thing worth or worse than taking a risk and getting hurt is never taking a risk, is never trying, because if that's the case, you won't get hurt, but you'll be all alone. And when you need help, there'll be no one there to keep you warm or defend you or fight for you or help you. And Solomon says, you don't wanna be that isolated man. And so for me, it was the fall of 1988. I walked onto the campus of Florida International University. And at this point in my life, for the first time in my life, I had no friends. I knew Jesus. I was learning again to walk with him and learning his word, but I didn't know where to look. And so I went to the student union. I saw this table. It said InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. And so I found that they were having meetings on like a Thursday night, and so I just showed up. And I saw people that were very different than me. I met, for the first time, a Pentecostal. Anybody meet a Pentecostal for the first time? You're like, what is that? I met Presbyterians and Baptists. I met people from all over the world, Florida International University, people who spoke different languages and had different cultures,
but there was something about when they worship that they all loved Jesus. And there was something about that thing that was like, I don't know how all these people fit together, but they love Jesus, so I'm just gonna give this a shot. It was a risk. You see, sometimes when we think about friendship, you're like, okay, Doug, I'm with you so far. I love God. I love his word. I wanna make friends. I feel that sense of loneliness, but do you know how hard it is to make friends? Yeah. And sometimes I hear people say, my only friend is Jesus, or I only trust God. And that's code for, I'm gonna be all by myself. It's a rejection of the way you are wired. You are wired not to connect with God alone, but with his people. And so it sounds spiritual at first, and our ultimate trust is only in God, but he creates this outflow in relation. with him that flows into other relationships. And so, as you think about the groups that maybe you would navigate towards or the friendships you would try to, there's a tendency to go, yeah, but I like him, but he talks too much, or I like her, but she seems too aloof, or I like that group,
but they're not like me in this way. And we can already write people off in a sort of little internal judgy way, because it's not exactly what we want it to be. And there's a theologian named Dietrich Bonhoeffer who warned us against putting this trip on other people to be the perfect community before we join, and here's what he says. "'Those who love the dream of a Christian community "'more than they love the Christian community itself "'become destroyers of that Christian community, "'even though their personal intentions "'may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial.'" He's saying, don't be that person who's waiting for the perfect community, because if you find a perfect community, whatever you do, don't join it, because you're gonna mess it up. Every community is imperfectly perfect. And so you're gonna have to, at some point, take a risk with a certain group of people. If you're feeling that sense of loneliness or chronic loneliness, or I have no deep or long-term friends, you're gonna have to take a risk. I want to encourage you. How would you do that? You could show up here on a Wednesday night, you could join a group, you could join the classes that are gonna start in a few weeks, but find a way to get out of a bigger venue
into a smaller venue where someone knows your name, and that's gonna require you taking a risk. Number two, show up. I was given the choice to show up every week at that intervarsity meeting at college. I was given the opportunity to show up every week at my local church. And when you show up at the same place every week, these connections happen. Jesus models this. Because if you look at Harvard University's study, they say, you know, the number one way that social connections are made, it's proximity. You show up at the same place every week. And the closer you are to a community, the more connections that will happen. And the further away you are, well, the less will happen. And so you look at the early church, the early church lived this. I mean, there's a description of the early church, the first Christians, and it says, they met together daily in the temple. They broke bread together, they prayed together, they fellowshiped together. Daily, Christians were meeting. They were showing up and learning about Jesus, and they're building this community together. It was imperfect. If you read the book of Acts, there was a lot of imperfect characters in the early church
just like there are today, but there was a great investment in, I'm gonna show up every day. And there's a kind of a warning in the book of Hebrews for Christians who got out of that habit. And here's what the author of Hebrews says. Do not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another, and all the more as you see the day approaching. And so, if you get in the habit of not showing up, you're not gonna be encouraged, you're gonna be discouraged, you're gonna feel isolated, and you're gonna be like this, I feel so lonely. But if you choose to show up, you will encourage others and others will encourage you, and you'll find these deep connections beginning to grow. So where do you show up every week? Every week. Or maybe, who do you show up for every week? And I wanna just say this to anyone who's in the online community, and you're not watching online because you're living in another city, or because you're unable, because of physical issues to show up, you just choose to say, hey, this is the way I wanna engage. I just wanna give you this warning,
that habit of saying, I'd rather just watch on a device is dangerous for your soul, because saying, oh, I learned a lot is just part of the following Jesus. Learning about doctrine or Bible verses is all good and great, understanding the gospel and living it out is great, but it was meant not just to fill your mind, but to fill your soul and to fill your life. And so maybe your step is to show up here on a weekly basis and go, I'm gonna start being together with God's people again. This habit of showing up every week together is a powerful, powerful connector when it comes to showing up. So how do you know that you're deeply connected with a friend? Here's one of the ways. Call them when you have to move. You wanna find out who your real friends are? Move and see who shows up to help you. Now, before you get all salty, like no one showed up for me, here's the next question. Who have you helped move? Ah, right? Because friendship goes both ways. And that's one of the ways. Friends will show up to help you move.
And if you're really friends, you'll help your friend move two or three times, which I've done. It's just part of what friendship is. You show up and you sacrifice for your friends. Or maybe this. If you're going through a difficult time and you had to call someone at 3 a.m., who would pick up your phone call at 3 a.m.? Now, if you know their name right away, that's a good friend. If you have no one, then maybe you're more isolated than you think. Because in a need, physical, I need help moving. In a need, emotionally or spiritually, I need this in a crisis. Here's what the Bible says about showing up for friends. A friend loves at all times. And a brother is born for a time of adversity. Yesterday, I was with a group of friends as we watched this couple that we love say goodbye to their son, who's in the process of dying. And when you see a house full of sorrow and you see people hugging each other and laughing and telling stories and sharing food in a moment where your son is passing literally right before your eyes, it's one of those moments you'll never forget. And I used to think it was corny
when people would say like, well, friends, they multiply your joy and they divide your sorrows. I thought, eh, that's something that people put on a bookmark, whatever, whatever. But I've come to realize it's one of the most powerful truths in life, that when you're celebrating something, I don't care if it's your team wins the Super Bowl. I don't care if it's your grandson that graduates. I don't care if it's a moment where you rededicate their vows. Everything you do with other people makes it that much better because you have someone to celebrate it with. Friendship multiplies your joy. And yesterday, I experienced friendship divide sorrow. The sorrow wasn't some. A couple, a family on their own, in an unimaginable moment of grief, it was friends and family all around them and that grief was being shared and the comfort of Christ was being shared in that environment. And this is what friendship looks like. A friend is born for a day of adversity. Galatians 6 says it this way. Carry each other's burdens and this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. And so if we wanna experience the friendships
that Jesus modeled that we see in the early church, we wanna be showing up for the right people in the right places, making those friendships a priority. Number three, if you wanna grow in your friendship, you have to call up. You have to call people up and call people out. You see Jesus do this masterfully. I mean, his initial invitation to the disciples is a challenge. Follow me and I will make you fishers of men. You're here, but here's what I see you can be. And if you follow me, I will call you up. I will speak this into your life. So many times he's saying to Peter and the disciples, you are Simon, you are a little stone, but I'm about to make you a rock. Here's where you are, here's where you could be. And Jesus also had no problem calling his disciples out. In one moment he's like, Peter, God and the spirit of God has inspired you to see that I am Messiah. And the next second, get behind me, Satan. You don't know the things of God. And it's this push and pull of friendship that calls up and calls out. Friends can say hard things to friends. And this is the gift of friendship and this is the gift of community. And if you don't have friendships like this,
then you're gonna have a lot of blind spots because friends provide something called self-awareness, the gift that no one wants. Here's how John Orford describes community. When we are alone, we believe we love everyone, but community is the place where our limitations, our fears, and our pride are revealed to us. A friend is like a mirror, they show us our blind spots. So what does that sound like? Well, a good friend, when you're having conversations, well, they might say something like this. Hey, hey, Doug, why do you do that? Do what? Well, you've made that conversation that was about other people, you made it all about yourself. Why do you do that? Ooh, ouch. Hey, Doug, why do you do that? Do what? Like when it gets serious, you crack a joke because you can't handle the emotional intensity. Why do you do that? Ooh, ouch. Now, I have a choice when that happens to me or when it happens to you, I can say, I don't see any wings on your back. I get defensive, I put my walls up, or I could be like, oh, maybe there's something they see in me that I need to change
because I have a. perception of myself that's different than what they're experiencing. And especially when your friend doesn't just call you out, but calls you up. Hey, I see a leadership quality in you that's here, but this limitation here is getting in your way from who God's called you to be. Friendships were always meant to be mutually transforming. But you know, the definition and vision for friendship has changed for centuries. The Greeks, Aristotle, all the people who talk about friendship, two people who deeply connect will both be transformed and grow in character and maturity but that's not what friendship is today. You know what friendship has become today? I need you to affirm me. I need you to encourage me. Here are my list of needs for you to be my friend and if you fill those needs, I'll be your friend and if not, I need to find someone else who knows me and sees me and understands me because I am a rainbow, I am a flower. And we have developed such thin skin that we can't handle a rebuke or a correction. And so do you know what one of the scariest trends is in our day today? It's not that we touch this 2,600 times a day. It's not that we look at it 150 times.
It's what we ask it. I had a conflict at work and I don't want to hear my friends say, well, maybe a little bit of that was you with a coworker and with the boss. I don't want to hear that. Claude, I had this issue with my boss and he said something in front of other people and I felt ashamed and what do you think? Oh, you think I was treated unjustly? You think I should be the boss? You think that person was wrong to say that? I love you. And so there's a trend toward what's called digital intimacy. I want to hear what I want to hear, but I want to hear it from something else and I don't even care if it's a chat bot that's clicking back what I want to hear. And it's called a frictionless relationship. A frictionless relationship where I don't have to change, where I can be affirmed. And what we don't realize is that makes us even more isolated from the world. And that's not what friendship is for. Friendship is not supposed to be a frictionless relationship. Here's how the Bible describes this relationship. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. That sparks flying. That's you both getting sharper in the process.
That requires some pain, some stain in the pocket and saying, and one of the ways you know you have a friendship like this is you've had a difficult conversation with your friend in the last few weeks or months. So here's the question. Everyone buckle your seatbelt. When was the last time one of your friends said, hey, I want to share something with you. Here's what I see. And you're like, oh no, none of my friends say that. Well, I want to say this. It's not because you're perfect. It's because maybe you've sent a certain message that you don't invite feedback into your life. And so if you really want to test a friendship, ask who you consider your best friend this week. Ready, buckle your seatbelt. Hey, has there been anything you've wanted to say to me that you see in me, but you haven't because you don't think I could handle it or our friendship could handle it? And if you mean it and you're ready to listen, you might get some of the most enlightening insight that will help you to grow in character and maturity that will make you a better friend, a better father, mother, son, daughter, leader. If you're open to it. Solomon says a wise person invites correction. And so I want to say this too, that in friendship,
conflict is inevitable, but resentment is optional. In other words, if you're going to go deep with someone, there's going to be sparks, there's going to be moments you have to ask for forgiveness and give forgiveness, just like family, just like marriage, like everything else. But because marriage and family are more connected, friendships were more easily just dismissed. Like we're not friends anymore. And if all your friendships are like a year long, you realize you just keep dismissing friendships and you're not keeping these long-term friendships. And what we see in Jesus' life and the life of the apostle, these long-term friendships over time where even if brokenness happens, there's this desire for forgiveness and reconciliation, this rupture and repair that makes the relationship stronger over time. And then finally, number four, we see Jesus do this. Take off your mask. Inviting people into a whole nother. level. If you notice Jesus' life, he spent three times as much time with his 12 disciples as he did with the big crowds. And toward the end of his life in ministry, he pulled even to a narrower group, just three of those 12 disciples, Peter, James, and John. And on three occasions, he invites them to see what's actually going on behind the scenes. The first case is the miracle of raising Jairus' daughter. He pulls Peter, James down. I'm going to show you something. And they get to see a resurrection happen. None of the other disciples get to see it. He takes them another day on this mountain of transfiguration. He says, I want to show you something. And he shows Peter, James, and John what he looks like in heaven, his glory. The shining of his glory, his countenance looks like the sun. And then he says, Peter, James, John, don't tell the other disciples about this. This is just for you and me. Intimacy. I want to take
off my mask. I want to show you who I am. And then the third time is the Garden of Gethsemane. Peter, James, and John, I want you to follow me. And he looks them in the eyes and he says something that he's never said to the disciples before in any way that's ever been recorded. He shows them his weakness. He says, I'm overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Please pray for me. Jesus is revealing intimacy at this level with just a few people taking off this mask. And so we, as people, we're like, do I, am I finding myself going from the large groups to the small groups? There's one or two or three people where I can be completely open. And I'm a little nervous about that. And I just want to show you like how that might work. And I'm going to show you this, this friendship matrix. And I want you to think about where you are in this with different friendships and relationships. So our greatest need is to be fully accepted and fully known and loved. It's our greatest hope and it's our greatest fear. And in the top right quadrant, we see if you are fully known and fully accepted, this is intimacy. This is the deepest form of human connection you can have in life. But most of us don't get there in all areas of our life. And so if you look at the top left, impression management means you're accepted, but you're not known, which means you feel like an imposter. The people know the you you want them to know, the social media you, the successful you, then the ones without all the flaws. And the question is, if I let people know who I really am, will they still accept me? So I work so hard. This is exhausting, making sure everyone sees the best of me. But bottom left is isolation. I mean, think Peter Parker in Brand New Day. No one knows me. No one accepts me. I'm invisible. Even Spider-Man needs a friend, guys. Come on. I mean, this is real. Isolation. No one knows me. No one cares. I'm all by myself. And in the bottom right is I put myself out there, and when people find out the real me, they're like, no thanks. And so we want to be conscious of how this works in our life and how we're navigating between these quadrants, because when we feel the sense of rejection, we want to hide. You see, if you want the joy of being fully known and fully loved, you have to go through the discomfort and the pain of showing who you are. Healing doesn't come when we hide. It comes when we step out into the light. And so here's the process of progressive disclosure, bringing your friends even closer, taking a risk and saying, this is what's actually going on. This is harder to do than it is to confess to God. I'll just give you a quick scenario. If you're confessing to God, you can pretty much say anything, because you know he already knows it. So you're like, God, I lied to my boss this week. And you saw that. And then I
slandered him just to try to get rid of that shame and maybe put it on him. And then I got with a coworker who was disgruntled and fed that a little bit, just try to get the deflection off me. And then I felt guilty. And I came home and I yelled at my kids. And then I felt even more guilty. And then I looked at porn. And now I feel like, oh, but God, I know that your grace is sufficient for all those sins. I want to live, live right. That's honesty with God. That's intimacy with God. That's real. But then you go to your guys' group. You're like, hey, what's up? How was your week? Oh, it was good. You know, regular struggles, just little things here and there, you know, some fall short. God's, you know, God's perfect. I'm not. And what you experience is like a general confession with a general repentance and a general transformation. And, and your relationships are just, it's not real. And, and what we discover, it's more embarrassing to look someone in the face, a human being and confess than it is to confess to a God that we can't see or touch. But God says in his word, if you confess your sins to one another, you'll experience healing. James 5, 16. Wow. And there's something more than just physical healing in that verse. There's something about saying, I am as sick as my secrets. I want to step into the light. I'm going to find that one person I take a risk with. I go deep. I take off my mask. This is me. Will you love me anyway? And this is a beautiful invitation of Jesus as he models this with his disciples. Dietrich Bonhoeffer says it this way. If a Christian is in fellowship of confession with another brother, he will never be alone again anywhere. And just so you know, the weakness part scares you. You connect with human beings way more over your weaknesses than you do over your strengths. Our strengths keep us from each other, but our weaknesses connect us deeply. And so I invite you to take a step. Here's the question. Are you in your life, in your vision of friendship,
moving toward one person or two people who know everything about you, fully disclosing your life? A man of many companions comes to ruin, but there is that one friend who sticks closer than a brother. And over the last 35 or so years from a brand new Christian who had no friends to a guy who took a risk and showed up at different places, God has blessed me with several friendships that are 25, 30 years long where we raised our kids together. We went through marriage together, went to celebrations together, went through death and loss together, went through tragedy and financial crisis together, went through all these moments together, up and down and up and down and up and down. And it's a beautiful gift that God gives when you can find those friends and have a vision for friendship for decades. This is what God has for us. And it's what Jamie and Dawn and Donna found. This testimony was shared at the gathering. I thought it was so appropriate. I thought, we need to watch it here again. And if you haven't seen it, I want you to watch what happens as friendship is formed over decades. Take a look at Jamie's story.
Before I was a Christian, I was seeking, I was unsure, and I was filled with fear. And I met this gal at a job I was working at, and she was the epitome of this blonde surfer girl, like, oh, everything's great, always smiling. I used to think she did drugs. It's like, why are you so happy all the time? And when I went up to her one day, I said, Robin, you need to like punch out because Michael, who he was our manager, sees that you're stoned, you're gonna get fired. And she just looked at me, she says, I don't do drugs. I said, well, then why are you so happy? She said, because I'm a Christian. I said, oh. She says, would you like to come to Bible study with me? I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll come. Heard the gospel, and one night, I was by myself in my room, and I just said, prayed to receive the Lord, like, Lord, please forgive me. I don't know what I'm doing, but I need you to come into my life. I met Dawn when my daughter was in first grade. And we just became friends throughout the years. That was many, many years ago, over 30 years ago. And she's the only person that I've known, Dawn. She stopped teaching there, and I went my way. But we still kept in touch. I'd see her at church,
and she always sent me the Christmas cards of her and her family. And then one day, almost nine years ago, when the Lord called me to start working with high school ministry, and she was leading a group with Donna, and that's how we met, and never looked back. Once we started serving together in youth, just that rhythm of Saturday nights, day after day, it became special to me just working, serving alongside her and our other friend, Donna. I couldn't wait to go just because I got to serve with them. We just started doing life together, that's all. It was just like, we served together, then we started going out. We would go out for coffee, for lunch. We had lunch dates all the time, and we just sort of became more than just friends, more like family. Biblical friendship that I've experienced through Jamie and through Donna is not being afraid to just be who I am, and not being afraid to tell them when I'm having a rough day, and I need prayer, and I'm at my lowest, or I celebrate my joys with them, and they do the same for us. My daughter, she developed Crohn's disease, and that changed her life. She was able still to go to college and finish her four years, but like I said,
the Crohn's disease took everything out of her, and she developed colon cancer. The first year that I lost her, the anniversary, I told them, I don't, I want, I just, I don't want to talk to anybody. So first thing in the morning, I hear a knock on the door, and there they are. Every year, they're there for me. They're not forgotten. They give me a plant. They gave me this necklace with a R on it, Rachel. That's amazing, and I'm so grateful for that. Loyalty, that's friendship. And they have always been there for me, and I will always be there for them. God's timing is always perfect, and he knew what I needed when I needed it, when I lost my daughter. I tried to do it alone, I didn't want to talk to anybody, I just, God's got those people there for you to hold you up. I hear and think of the word friend. First off, I think of my relationship with the Lord. He's not only my savior, he's so emotional, he's my friend. What is a friend? A friend loves unconditioning. A friend stands by you, a friend is loyal. A friend calls you out when it needs to be called out. But a friend is committed, that's what a friend is, and that's kind of like what the Lord is.
He's everything, faithful, he's good, he's loving, he's kind, he's generous, he's giving, he's forgiving. That's the epitome of what a friendship is, and we learn from that, from what God is to us, how our friendship is with God. It just works out into what our friendship with other people should be. The same qualities and characteristics as our friendship with God should be implemented in our friendship with other people. That's what friendship is about, that's what community is all about. You get that, all the nuances when you have a friendship, and it's all based on the Lord. It's, there's nothing better. Amen. Amen. Amen. There is nothing better than a sense of 잘도 seizure when you have this sense of Jamed is a very funny guy. I'm gonna say something today that's really funny, a lot of people in my life have said that, but really, what Jamed's purpose is is to reason with God about who is lovely. And to really understand what Jesus means and the vision that Jesus models and speaks of and that we're invited into. And so my prayer for us
is that we don't live life alone. And so some of you, you're gonna need to take a first step. Some of you who have been watching online for a year, your step is just to show up and just be with God's people. Maybe you show up on a Wednesday or you show up in a small group. Maybe some of you sat and just face forward for years. You're like, you know what? I'm gonna try to join the group. I'm gonna sign up to serve. If you show up at the same place every week, it's gonna be amazing how you find those friends and those connections. For some of you, you have really good friends and you already serve and you're already part of a group, but you've never prioritized friendship. Like it's never on your calendar, sort of like a leftover. What if you begin to schedule a weekly coffee or a monthly dinner with those friends? You plan a mission trip together, a vacation together, or you're just more intentional when you get together. You ask intentional questions. Questions about what is God teaching you? Where do you feel like you need prayer? How can I begin to inject spiritual and vulnerable connections in my everyday rhythms of with my friends and family? And you're gonna find that those relationships go deeper. And so we just wanna pray right now
that God would help us each to take our own step in these relationships. Let's pray together. Holy Spirit, you brought something to our mind. Help us to pay attention to what came to mind, a person's name, a step you want us to take. Maybe a sense of comfort that in our loneliness, there's hope for change. Maybe a sense of conviction that we've made a lot of our life, a lot about ourselves. Father, whatever you brought to our mind, I pray you give us the courage to take that step and trust you for it. And that our life and this church and all of our relations go richer and deeper as we follow you, Jesus. And as we practice on earth, what will be our practice in heaven? And so Jesus, make us those people. We pray this in Jesus' name, amen. Hey, I want to make a final invitation. The final invitation is for anyone here who doesn't feel or know that sense of friendship with God that we talked about. So I'm gonna ask every Christian in the room to stay in your seats and pray because for someone who's not a Christian, who's never experienced this relationship with God, this is gonna be the most important part of the service and their entire life.
So Jesus said this to his disciples the night he was arrested, the night he was gonna die for them and for all of us. He said, there is no greater love than a man will lay down his life for his friend. Now, maybe you've never thought about this, but Jesus died so that you could be reconnected with God, so that you could be a friend of God. Jesus died so that your sins that have separated you from God can be paid for, that gap between you and God can be restored. Jesus died so you could experience a relationship with him, the son and his father in a way that would be. uninterrupted between the moment you make this decision and the moment you close your eyes in death and wake up in eternity. This is God's reaching out to you, just like he's reached out to all of us in this room who have made this decision. And so we're gonna invite you if you've not yet made a decision to follow Jesus. He invites us to repent, to change the way we think, that life is not about us, and to believe the good news of the gospel, that God so loved the world that he sent his only son, that whoever would believe in him, put their faith and trust in him, pledge their allegiance to him, would not have to perish, but they could have everlasting life.
And this beautiful, extravagant invitation of someone who would die for you when you didn't even think about them or know about them, someone who would give all this up just so you could reconnect to God is a love that the Bible says transcends understanding. You are so loved by God. And this requires a decision, this lavish gift, this invitation, this price has been paid. You have a choice. You either say, no thanks, I'm good. Or you receive this gift that will change your life. And so in this moment, we affectionately call this moment an altar call. This is an altar with space for anyone who would come. We're gonna play a song and we're gonna invite you to stand up and walk to this platform and pray a very simple prayer that goes like this. God, I open my heart and I invite you inside. I wanna start a relationship with you through your son, Jesus. I believe you came for me and died for me and now I wanna live for you. It's not even about the perfect words, it's about a heart that's ready. This decision is the most important decision a human being can make because your greatest need is for forgiveness.
Your greatest need is to be reconnected with a God who made you. And if that's you, I know it's gonna require courage. So we call this moment 20 seconds of insane courage where you stand up in front of all these people and walk forward. And you're not gonna get side eyes like, man, they must've been a bad sinner. What's wrong with them? You're gonna start hearing applause break out in the room because all of us know what this meant for us. All of us are sinners. All of us need a savior. All of us, we need the same thing. And you're surrounded by people who love you, who are praying for you. So right now, this is the moment you're like, I need this connection with God. I wanna experience eternal life and the forgiveness of my sins. I want this relationship. I'm gonna ask you to stand wherever you are right now and walk forward. And we will celebrate with all of heaven as you come. Come on, he's waiting for you. ♪ How great the chasm that lay between us ♪ ♪ How high the mountain I could not climb ♪ ♪ In desperation I turned to heaven ♪ ♪ I spoke your name into the night ♪ ♪ And through the darkness your loving kindness ♪
♪ Tore through the shadows of my soul ♪ ♪ The end is written, the end is written ♪ ♪ Jesus Christ, my living hope ♪ ♪ Oh, hallelujah, praise the one who set me free ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me ♪ ♪ You have broken every chain, there's salvation in your name ♪ ♪ There's salvation in your name ♪ ♪ Jesus Christ, my living hope ♪ Oh, we celebrate with you. Living hope, that's what this is about right now. And we are honored to be a part of this moment where you pray this prayer. I mean, today is August 23rd, 2026. God knew on this day he would meet you here, that you would be ready. And as you confess that you're a sinner, that you need a savior, all your sins are gonna be forgiven and all the shame and guilt that goes with that sin. God's gonna begin the work of new creation, taking the brokenness of your life and bringing redemption. Listen, his redemption is greater than your brokenness. His power is greater than any stronghold in your life. His forgiveness is greater than any sin you've ever committed. And you're about to experience this miraculous beginning with God. That's just the first day, just the starting point. And so we're excited for you. I wanna pray with you in just a moment. But I wanna just pause for just one more minute.
For all the procrastinators out there who are thinking I should be up there, but I missed it. I know that because that was me for a long time. I should, I should, I should. I'll wait next week, maybe some other time. I have questions. I still want to do my own thing, like all the things. And I just want to say, don't hesitate. This invitation is given for today. The Bible says, today is the day of salvation. Today is the day of redemption. If you hear His voice, do not harden your heart. If that's anyone here, you're already standing. Just step into the aisle and walk this way. We don't want you to miss this moment. So this is your opportunity to come. Come on. Welcome. Glad you're here. Come on. Come on, church, let's applaud these decisions of faith as they're being made. This is life-changing, eternity-changing stuff right now, and we celebrate with heaven. So good. So good. Welcome. Welcome. Glad you're here. So now, for you that have come, I'm
just going to give you some simple words to say out loud to God. So just repeat this out loud. He's listening, and he'll answer this prayer. Say this to God. Lord God, I open my heart, and I invite you inside. Forgive my sin. Today I repent. Now fill me with your spirit, and I will walk with you all the days of my life. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen, guys. Congratulations. Welcome to the family of God. So I'm going to ask you just to give us five more minutes. You just made the most important decision of your life. I'm going to ask you to follow me and our crew over that open door right there, where we're going to give you a Bible and have a quick conversation. You'll be back with your friends in five minutes. Church, can we give them a hand as they go this way? And listen, if you still feel that sense of aloneness, we're going to invite you to come forward for prayer right now or show up on Wednesday night. But right now, let's respond in worship to Jesus, who is worthy of our praise. Let's worship, church. Come on, let's put our hands together. Sing this.
Everybody move your feet. He shall be praised. He shall be praised. In heaven and earth you say. He shall be praised. He shall be praised. Exalted for endless days. The Lion of Judah, the Lamb who was slain. Forever and ever He reigns. He shall be praised. Praised. He shall be praised. Amen. If you need prayer, we'll have a prayer team down here at their front. They would love to pray for you, but enjoy your Sunday and we'll see you back next week.
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