“I’ve lost my family, my friends, everything!”

The sermon on the Mount isn't difficult, it's impossible. So why would Jesus give us commands nobody can possibly live up to? What if that was the whole point? Hi, I'm Andrew Farley. In my new book, The Impossible Teachings of Jesus, I explore why Jesus' harshest words weren't meant to make you try harder, but to expose the impossible standard and lead you straight to grace. If you've never measured up, this book is for you. It's called The Impossible Teachings of Jesus. Order your copy now at Amazon.com. Jesus plus nothing, 100% natural, no additives. Andrew Farley is celebrating your freedom in Christ. Call in and ask your questions at 877-655-6755. It's toll-free at 877-655-6755. By a satellite from Texas, it's The Grace Message with Dr. Andrew Farley. Hello everyone, welcome to The Grace Message, I'm Andrew Farley, so glad you're joining us tonight. We got open lines, room for you right now, 877-655-6755. Open lines, plenty of room, tonight's your night to get in. Maybe you've got a question tonight about a scripture passage. Maybe something happened in church this past weekend, you heard something you're not sure about, you want to put it to the test. Well, that is a great reason to join us. Right now, for some conversation, 877-655-6755. Maybe you were scrolling through social media, came across something, or perhaps chatting with a friend in a coffee shop or hanging out at home, one of those family discussions. Well, that is precisely why we're here to help you navigate those difficult topics, difficult conversations, and maybe you're not even sure about your own relationship with God. You're wondering about getting some clarity there. Well join us right now, 877-655-6755.

Is something going on in your marriage, with your kids, in your church? You're just looking for a bit of counsel, a bit of help. That's a great reason to be a part of the interaction tonight as well. It doesn't matter how you're listening or watching. Right now, of course, we are live across the United States and Canada on SiriusXM, all kinds of FM and AM stations, and yes, we're live streaming on social media, of course. But again, no matter how you're receiving us right now, you can simply call in and be a part of the conversation. We've got room for you right now, 877-655-6755. Well we are going to go to New York in just a minute, but first I want to take 60 seconds to remind you of a brand new resource we're giving away to each and every supporter this month. It's called the Sweet Smell of Grace, and here's a bit about it. Does your gospel smell good? Do you know what I mean by that? Does it pass the smell test? You know, Jesus said the truth would set us free. And Paul talked about the fragrant aroma of Christ that's in us, this new covenant. It's better, founded on better promises, and it smells good. But you know what else smells good? You? Yes, you smell good to God, because you're a new creature, a new creation, again, a fragrant aroma of Christ to God. Now that's incredible to think about. I'm excited about this new resource we're offering. It's called the Sweet Smell of Grace, and it's all about a gospel that smells good. That's what you and I deserve, because that's what Jesus paid for. So if you're tired of settling for something lesser, a gospel that doesn't sound quite right. At first glance, at first sniff, it seems spiritual, but there's always a stench on the

other end. You know what I'm talking about? A mixed message, where we're mixing covenants. We're told that we're free from the law, but we still need to keep some of it. We're told that we're forgiven of all of our sins, but we still need to ask for it. We're told that we're new creatures in Christ, beautiful, new, born again, children of God, but we still need to die to self-daily. We're told all of these mixed messages, and we get confused, even overwhelmed by the stench of religiosity. So make sure to request your copy today when you give your gift to the grace message and thank you so much for your support Yes, thank you. Thank you. It is called the sweet smell of grace We're giving it away as our way of just being grateful for the support we have from around the world If you're one of our supporters this month, just make sure to request your copy of it by checking the box It takes two minutes to give your gift and whether it's five dollars or fifty dollars or five hundred dollars It doesn't matter. We want to put this in your hands just as a small token our way of saying how grateful we are for you Again, you can go to Andrew Farley org Well, we're gonna start out tonight in Jamestown, New York, and we'll talk with Jacob. Hi Jacob What's on your heart tonight my friend? Hi Thanks for taking my call. I I struggled because I Went through a rough time a few years ago. I got arrested was the first time I've ever been in trouble in my life and Through the situation my church of ten years where I served in the worship team. I volunteered I was an employee at one point completely turn their backs on me and have a lot of all communication. I lost my wife my children and it's just it's such a painful hurt of rejection and I I don't it's where a church can find reasoning within the scriptures for something like that. Yeah, and And the church her is just it's so overwhelming now

I have it, you know through through the situation. I have grown to love Jesus more than I ever have in my entire life. Yeah Which is wonderful. Yeah, can I ask you just a broad category of what what sent you away or what caused you to be arrested I? Was accused of being inappropriate with a woman Okay a woman a woman that not a not an underage person, but a woman is that right? She was underage. Yeah, okay. All right. Yeah, so Because of that, it's just you know people just do not know how to ever recover From that in their minds like you know, I know that we humans you know, it's not that we should be doing this, but there are sort of ways that humans categorize things and Religious humans humans in church humans in the community When there's news that travels about something like that whether it's a year later or five years later, it's it's like fear sets in and They might love you. They might even have chosen to forgive you But there's fear fear about a repeat offense fear about trust So that's what's going on there. I know it probably doesn't help To explain it better and you probably already know that part, but it comes down to a trust issue So you're asking how could the church react like that? Well? it's possible that they love you and care for you and They they have even forgiven you for what happened But they're concerned about A future offense and so then whether it's a justified concern or a fear Well, then they pump the brakes. They put up barriers. They set boundaries. They say, oh my goodness We got a we got to protect our children. We got to protect our people We we can't you know, we could end up in a if we embrace this person who has gone through this and done this Then if there's a repeat offense, then we will be liable. We will be accused of overlooking the so-called obvious and not being careful and then You know, we could we could have legal consequences and things like that So I just want you to know for the what it's worth department That those are the kinds of thoughts that cycle through People's minds who are in leadership now, you know, that's nice that we can understand them a little better

But I'm talking to you. I'm not talking to them. So here's what I would say Don't ever have your eyes set on the expectation that you're gonna be welcomed back there with over? just trust you 100% for the next 40 years and everything's hunky dory and we're all back to a wonderful, warm situation. It's not going to happen. And you probably have already guessed that. But what I'm saying is now release that expectation. Walk in the moment, live in the present, find a new start, find a new community and find a new place to be because that's how you're going to best navigate this. Now, Jacob, my heart goes out to you, my friend, you are hurt deeply. I can hear it in your voice. You've been rejected. You've been labeled. You've been dismissed. You've been ostracized. It hurts. It hurts really bad because, you know, there you were. Just live in life and love in Jesus and a nice wife and family and ever in church and everything seemed rosy, the picket fence and all that stuff, you know, the American dream. And then you made a big, big mistake. And when you did, then the whole thing came crashing down around you and you lost everything. I mean, everything, every out, your friends, your church, your wife, your kids, your reputation, everything. Imagine that. I say that to everyone out there listening because that's the weight of this. And so, Jacob, for you, the only, only thing you can do at this point is you can have that deep, meaningful conversation with your Heavenly Father where you say, "Father, this is what it feels like. It hurt me when they rejected me. It hurt me when they won't talk to me, when they won't welcome me, when they label me, when they dismiss me. It makes me feel like garbage. It makes me feel like a criminal. It makes me feel like nothing. It makes me feel worthless. I feel rejected. I feel hurt. And I don't know what to do. But Father, I do know that you have given me a new heart and it's a forgiving heart. And so, I choose to forgive them and release them from anything they owe me. They owe me, in my mind, they owe me reconciliation, restoration. They owe me forgiven, forget. They owe me a new start, a new chance, a do-over. They owe me all of that and they're not giving it to me. They're not giving it to me, Father. So, I forgive them. I choose as an act of my will to forgive them and release them from anything that they owe me, even if they continue to reject me. And right there, my friend, I cancel the debt. I release them from what they owe me. I let go of the expectations. I fix my eyes on Jesus and I move forward. You got decades ahead of you, Jacob. Your hope is not in that community. I'm just telling

you, the way planet earth rolls these days, your hope is not in that community deciding to do a do-over. The chances of that are slim. So, what do you do? You forgive, you release, you cancel the debt, you put your trust in Jesus, you start over, you rebuild with a new community, and you learn your identity in Christ. Because, Jacob, you are forgiven. I mean, no matter what man says and no matter how you're treated here, you are forgiven and righteous and holy and blameless. And nobody, nobody gets to decide that for you except God. So, agree with him, agree that he's right about you, adopt his opinion of you, and then live your life in confidence knowing that the gospel is real. So, there's a difference between church people and Jesus sometimes, right? And in this case, fix your eyes on Jesus, not on the people from your past. So, I'll put you back on and see, does that help some, Jacob? Does that make sense? Yes, absolutely. And I thank you for every bit of that. I have moved on in the way of, I have found a new church community, I found a new pastor, and new friends who accept me, despite my issues. And it's just what I can't get past is how much I love the people from my past. My old pastor was one of my closest friends. I'm so deeply in love with my ex-wife. I love my children, of course. I loved all the people I served with at my church before. And so although I get moving on and finding new community, I just find it so hard to accept that I'm not going to probably ever speak to these people again because I understand I'm protecting the church. Absolutely. But I also know that Christ wouldn't just cut me off. He wouldn't just stop talking to me. And I know we're humans, this is the earth. And I just, I find it so difficult to accept these people that I still love so dearly just won't speak to me.

And that's what hurts. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So then, what do you do about it? Well, it's staring you in the face. They're not changing. They have made their decision. And the only thing left is your response. And that's the only thing you can control is your response. So I get it. I mean, I'd be hurt in your situation. Your circumstances make sense for you to be very hurt, deeply hurt. But then, what do you do about that? Well, you spend 50 years trying to understand them and asking how could this happen? How could this, or you forgive them and release them from what they owe you and let go of that expectation. You know, I mean, maybe as far as your children and all that, I don't know what's taking place. But I mean, as time passes there, children can many times forgive their parents. And that could be a hope for the future. But as far as these folks that you just went to church with and stuff, I mean, again, you can't control their response and you can't always understand their response. So all you can do is have your response. And that's why I'm telling you, forgive and release and cancel the debt and let go of the expectations.

That's all you've got. That's all you can do. That's the only thing that makes sense. All right, let's go to Tennessee next and we'll talk with Scott. Hi, Scott. - Hey, how you doing, Dr. Varley? - Hey, what you got for us tonight? - Hey, just let you know, I really enjoy your message. I just purchased your book. Can't wait to get it. I come here a couple years ago and I got involved with another woman. And I don't know what to do with these feelings. I only cared about the other woman. I love my wife, I do, but man, it's one of them friends for many years. How do I get rid of this deal? How do I get rid of these thoughts about her? I pray with my wife today and I always got a really close relationship. I'm up and around this woman 10 months, I still got them desires. I mean, I cared about her. I mean, I was in a long term and I'm not proud about it. How can I get released in my mind, just to quit thinking about it or worried about her bills or kids, it's driving me crazy. Don't I shouldn't have these thoughts. And, you know, I reconciled to my wife

and I'll shut up and listen to y'all. I would appreciate any help you can give me, just to free my mind. - Yeah, well, so right now you're dealing with the earthly consequences of your choice. And because you were intimate with another woman outside of marriage and you decided, you know, the grass was greener and that your wife at the time was not sufficient or whatever, then your brain got reprogrammed. I mean, that's what's happened. You got memory banks in your brain and your brain got reprogrammed based on that choice. You started building all kinds of highways inside of your brain, memories, you know, romantic memories, memories of intimacy, memories of laughter and good times together in this affair. And then, you know, you finally kind of came back to your senses and you realized what you'd done and you rebuilt your life and went back to your wife mentally. You made that choice, but you couldn't have a frontal lobotomy, you couldn't get rid of your brain at that point. So the memory banks are still there and you're having the movie. The movie plays in your mind. So, you know, first, I just wanna say, I mean, that is one of the painful consequences

of the choice you made. Now, does it get better with time? I mean, you're offered the movie and the enemy is happy to offer you the movie. Remember when or think about this? So how many times are we going to press play and then go through the entire film and then afterwards say shoot, I wish I hadn't watched that movie. And then the next day, the same thing, I let it happen, I let it happen. So what I got to do is count myself dead to the movie. I mean, that's really what we're talking about here. See, that's a sinful movie, that's a fantasy, that's living outside of reality, that's not really what you want, and that's not really where you're headed, and that's not really what God's doing with you. So you don't have to feel guilty every day for the presence of the movie. That's a really important point, don't feel guilty for being tempted, don't feel guilty for a memory bank, don't feel guilty for a brainwave. It is not sinned to have a brainwave, it is not sinned to have a movie offered to you, it is not sinned to be tempted. But where you're going to get more and more problems is if you visit those highways, you travel those highways again and you keep pressing play, well, the number of times that you play that movie in your mind over and over, you're adding weeks and months to recovery. And so if it takes you 10 years to kind of move on completely from your brain thinking that way and having that tendency, well, every time you press play you're adding a month. So then 10 years becomes 11, and 11 years becomes 12. And so what God is calling you to is to count yourself dead to that movie. And every time it hits your brain, just decide, you know what, I'm going to think about something else. I can't think about two things at the same time. And so I'm going to set my mind on the truth, Lord, thank you for my wife. Thank you for how beautiful my wife is. Thank you for how wonderful my wife is.

Thank you for my incredible wife that you have given me as a gift. And Father, I'm just so grateful. And when you adopt that attitude, you're replacing the lie with the truth and you're choosing a different movie, so to speak, you're changing the channel. So that's my best advice to you, Scott. It is not a sin to be tempted, it is not a sin to have a flashback, it is not a sin to have a brainwave, don't feel condemned, don't feel guilty over those messages coming at you. But the best advice I have is don't entertain them, don't let them linger, fix your attention somewhere else and thank God. Give thanks. I'm surprised how much the giving of thanks for your wife really helps in that situation. So call us back anytime, my friend, great to hear from you. Well, my apologies to David and Benjamin, please call back tomorrow night, we'd love to hear from you then. And don't forget, we're just less than three weeks away now from the release of the impossible teachings of Jesus. Can you obey the Sermon on the Mount, cut off your hand, pluck out your eye? I don't think so, at least I can't. Well, find out why Jesus said those things in this book. For more information on the broadcast ministry of Dr. Andrew Farley, please visit AndrewFarley.org. That's AndrewFarley.org. Join us next time as we invite you to celebrate the grace message with Dr. Andrew Farley. This program is sponsored by your generous financial support. Cut off your hand, pluck out your eye, be perfect like God. The Sermon on the Mount isn't difficult, it's impossible. So why would Jesus give us commands nobody can possibly live up to? What if that was the whole point? Hi, I'm Andrew Farley. In my new book, The Impossible Teachings of Jesus.

I explore why Jesus' harshest words weren't meant to make you try harder, but to expose the impossible standard and lead you straight to grace. If you've never measured up, this book is for you. It's called The Impossible Teachings of Jesus. Order your copy now at Amazon.com. (dramatic music) [BLANK_AUDIO]