It Starts With You

If you are new here, my name is Virg, I am the pastor here at Vertical Church. It's an honor to have you here worshiping with us and seeking God together. It's beautiful to be part of a spiritual family. And there is a question, as we are beginning a new series today, one another, God's design for relationships. I always start off with this question. Any Christians brought your Bibles to church today? Any Christians brought your Bibles? You are armed and dangerous. That's important. If you have your Bibles you can put a marker in 1 John 4. Not to be confused with the gospel of John. 1 John 4. Also you can put a marker in Colossians 3 and Genesis 4. I will have many more Bible verses. It might be challenging to get to all of them in our time. But 1 John 4, Colossians 3, Genesis 4 are key passages. You know, we are living in the most connected generation in history, yet studies consistently tell us that we are also the loneliest generation in history. We live in a culture that celebrates independence but suffers from isolation. We say things like, I will figure it out on my own. I don't need anyone. Church is just me and God. But anxiety levels are up. Depression levels are up. And loneliness is at epidemic levels.

What we need is not another app on our phones. What we need is not more followers on social media. What we need is what God designed from the very beginning. Real, life-giving, God-centered relationships. And that's what we are going to be touching on in this series. The heart of this series, one another, is that Christianity is personal, yes, but was never meant to be private. And this is why we believe what we see and what we read over and over in the Bible, we see this phrase, one another. One another is a powerful New Testament framework that reveals how God designed the church to function. Not as a crowd but as a family. Not as spectators but as disciples living in spiritual community. More than 50 times in scripture it commands us as believers to love one another. Encourage one another. Serve one another. Forgive one another. Bear with one another. And these are not just spiritual suggestions. They're spirit-empowered directives that shape Christian identity, spiritual maturity, and the gospel witness. In a culture that's marked by isolation, by offense, and by individualism, and let's be honest, shallow connection, this series calls the church back to biblical community. Relationships that heal. Relationships that mature. Relationships that sharpen each other.

Relationships that reflect Jesus to the world that we live in. And I believe personally that this series, these next five weeks, is relevant to every Christian believer because spiritual growth does not happen in isolation. It happens in the context of relationships. We grow best when we grow together. And these one another commands reveal God's design for spiritual growth and God's design for healthy relationships. So I want to kick off. I want to just mention three quick important truths about this concept of one another and relationships. Number one, we were created for community, not isolation. We were created for community, not isolation. As early as Genesis 1, we were created for community, not isolation. As early as Genesis 2, verse 18, the Lord God said it is not good for the man to be alone. Obviously referencing before God creates Eve to be accompaniment for Adam. But it's very interesting that before sin, before the fall of man, before brokenness, God looks at a perfect world and says something is missing. And it wasn't more land. It wasn't more responsibility or more vision. It was relationship. God himself exists in eternal community because he is father, son, and Holy Spirit. And we are created in his likeness and image. Second important truth. Love is the defining mark of the church.

In John 13, 34, it says a new command I give you. Jesus is speaking. He says love one another as I have loved you so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another. Jesus does not say they will know you are my disciples by your worship style. Or by your theological doctrine. Or how much you know. Or by your political views. He says by your love for one another. The church is most powerful when it loves well. And people may argue theology. But they can't argue transformed lives and relationships. Okay. Third important truth just to kick off here. Love is the defining mark of the church. In John 13, 34, it says a new command I give you. here, spiritual growth happens in circles, not just rows. Love is the defining mark of the church. In John 13, 34, it says a new command I give you. Love is the defining mark of the church. And in the book of Acts, we see it talks about the early church, right? In Acts 2, for example, we read about the early church didn't just attend services in the temple, although they did, that was special, but they also shared life in homes, in groups. It says that they ate together, they prayed together,

they supported one another, they grew together, and so their faith flourished in the context of community. A lot of us have heard the famous verse, Proverbs 27, 17, as iron sharpens iron, so one man or one person sharpens another. So don't get me wrong, coming to church and sitting in a row, you can be inspired sitting in a row, but you can be transformed in a circle where we're looking at each other's faces, where we're communicating, where we're growing. And let me just do one quick little plug. This week, our group start here at Vertical Church, everybody, spring group start. This week, we have this big push and initiative for rooted groups. Anybody signed up for a rooted group right now? Anybody signed up for a rooted group? All right, good, hopefully you got your book already because it's gonna be part of the journey, your rooted book, your rooted journal, it's gonna be awesome. If you have not yet, please look at the registry, the directory, you can ask somebody at the blue tent outside, or even go to our Vertical Church Iglesia app and get plugged into a rooted group. I highly, highly recommend it, I think it's gonna help you on your spiritual journey. I wanna just make a little mention of another new thing that we had never offered before.

My wife, just then, and I, for years, for years, we had prayed for being able to offer a group and a ministry called Celebrate Recovery. Now, we are offering it for the first time in Spanish because we have, the reason we couldn't lead it for years here at our church is because we didn't have the people who had gone through Celebrate Recovery and then gotten trained and equipped to lead Celebrate Recovery, and now we do have people. Right now, the case is we have people in our Spanish congregation who are ready to lead it in Spanish. We're praying and hoping that we will be able to offer it in English in the future as well. Celebrate Recovery is a faith-based Christian program, kind of group and program that lasts a year, and it's specifically for rehabilitating from addictions, from difficult situations in life, from hurtful relationships and hard things, and a lot of people that we have found have completed freedom but are still in need of some extra work in that area of freedom. Celebra tu recuperacion, or Celebrate Recovery, could be a next step, so if you do speak Spanish, I know there's a lot of people here who are bilingual, you could come Tuesday night, 7 p.m. for the open house for the Celebra tu recuperacion group and help us be in prayer. We're the second church in Spanish, in Broward County, that offers it in Spanish,

so I think that's a significant thing and hoping to do it in the future as well. Praise God for that. All right, today's message. Today's message is entitled It Starts With You. What's the message entitled? It Starts With You. Life is all about relationships, and we all have all kinds of relationships, and the goal of this series, One Another, is to help us truly get better at relationships because it would be helpful, it would be healthy, it would be good for that to happen in our lives. Now, we have to understand that there's a journey. You don't just get to better relationships from Sunday to Monday. This is a process and a journey that we have to walk through, and no matter where you are in life, whether you're married or you're single, whether you're younger or you're older, God's word will help you and me to apply the principles that can help us live out healthier, God-honoring relationships. But we do need to know what's the destination. So where are we headed? What do we wanna see? I wanna read a few verses to kinda line us up to where we're headed. First John chapter four, verse nine, and it says,

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. Speaking of Jesus. This is real love. Not that we love God, but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Verse 11, dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. Other versions, love one another. So the goal of relationships is that we grow so that we are actually loving one another. Paul writes in Romans 12, verse 18, if it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. So what's the destination? The destination is we can have relationships where we love one another and we live at peace with one another. Paul also writes in Romans 14, verse 19, so then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up. The objective is that we are loving one another, we are living at peace with one another, we are getting along in harmony with one another. Now, Paul writes to the Colossian church, Colossians three, verse 12, and he talks about some important attributes, and he says, since God chose you to be the holy people he loves,

you must clothe yourselves, so check it out, you and I have to clothe ourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make, check this out, make allowance. for each other's faults, amen? I don't know, is that like a question mark, amen? And forgive anyone who offends you, amen? Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts, for as members of one body, you are called to live in peace. And always, be thankful. Now here, we find very clearly where we need to be headed as believers. We need to be headed toward relationships where we are loving one another, being at peace with one another, clothing ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, and patience, having mercy, and forgiving one another. That this is what we're called not only to be, but to do in the relationships of life. Now, if we're honest, most of us would probably say, I'm not fully there yet. Can I get an amen? Because there are times when we don't love as we should. There are times when we are not at peace with people

as we should be. There are times when we're not forgiving somebody that we should be forgiving, and times that we're not clothing ourselves with these things mentioned in Colossians 3. Now question, if the relationships in your life were characterized by more love, more peace, more harmony, more compassion, more humility, and more kindness to others, would you be a happier person? Yes, question, would you be a healthier person? Yes, would, probably emotionally and physically, right? Would you be less drained spiritually? Definitely, would you be more productive in your life? Of course, so check it out. There are practical benefits to us becoming this kind of person that's described in scripture. So the question is, how do we get there? From here, where we are, not there yet, to there, where we wanna be according to scripture in relationships, I wanna unpack with you three foundational truths for better relationships. Remember, the title of today's message is, It Starts With You. Number one, number one, to improve your relationships, you must improve you. I know, there's a shortage of amens today, but that's okay. Lord, I will amen myself, amen, Pastor Virg. Everything starts with you. I wanna do something together, and I want us all to say, everything starts with me.

Are you ready, here we go. One, two, three, everything starts with me. Can you help me with your fingers and point it, ready? Everything starts with me. Everybody's not cooperating with me. Can I get full cooperation? One, two, three, everything starts with me. Now question, who does it start with? With me. This is a simple fact that we have to think about. Think about this, the common denominator in every one of your relationships is you. You can't avoid this fact. You have all kinds of relationships in your life. You have family relationships, you have friendships, you have colleagues, you have, some of us are married. The common thread to all of those different relationships that you have is you. You're in all of them. So when we recognize that we're the common denominator in every one of our relationships, in one way, it may sober us up a bit and make us think about, well, maybe there's some issues I gotta deal with because I got a lot of issues with people and I'm the common denominator with all these people. On the other hand, in another way, it's kind of encouraging because the truth is you can't really change anybody else, but you can change you. Most of us have tried to change someone else,

and that is exhausting and unfruitful. God is reminding us today, it doesn't start with them. It starts with you. In my life, it starts with me. This principle goes all the way back to the early pages of the Bible. Anybody can name the first couple in the Bible, in history? Adam and Eve. Now, if you know the story, let me remind you a little bit. Adam and Eve, Garden of Eden, God placed them there. Unfortunately, God gave them a commandment of what not to, they could basically eat from everything, they're just not this one. And Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden when they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Sin entered the world. They fell from grace with God. They began to feel it in their relationship with God. They also began to feel the tension in their relationship together. They eventually had two sons that are mentioned initially in the process. Anybody remember the two sons that are mentioned early on? Cain and Abel. And it's really crazy that the Bible, in Genesis four, literally the fourth chapter in scripture, and we find the first murder in history. Four chapters in and somebody's killing somebody.

We don't have time to enter the details of the story, but I will say that Cain and Abel, in a certain moment, they both brought an offering to the Lord. For those who aren't sure about if God cares about offerings or not. Abel brought the first and the best of his, like the first and the best of what God had blessed him with, he returned that to the Lord. Cain just brought whatever he thought, whatever he was comfortable with, whatever his own conviction was, or I don't know how he came up with it, but it says that he brought some of his offering to the Lord. God accepted Abel's offering, and God rejected Cain's offering. That's a whole nother teaching that we can go into there, but Cain became extremely angry. Probably a bit towards God, but definitely towards his brother Abel. So what did Cain do? He begins to blame and point the finger at his brother Abel. Abel, you know what, you're the problem, Abel. You had to go and bring the best to the first. If you would have just not done that, then God would have accepted my offering as well, and so Cain was angry, and he was filled with poison toward his brother, and God comes down and has a conversation with Cain, and I want us to lean in and listen to that conversation.

Genesis chapter four, verse six. "'Then the Lord said to Cain, "'Cain, why are you angry? "'Why is your face downcast? "'If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? "'But if you do not do what is right, "'sin is crouching at your door. "'It desires to have you, but you must rule over it.'" Okay, pause. Do you guys see a theme here in these verses? Question, did God come to talk to Cain about Abel and all the issues about Abel? Who did God come to talk to Cain about? About Cain, and it's funny, because he says, Cain, why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door. It desires to have you, but you must. The clear message here is that God is speaking to Cain. God is saying, Cain, the problem is not with Abel. Bro, boo-boo, the problem is with you. And I believe that sets in line the course of human history. So many of our problems that we want to blame on someone else are actually issues that have to do with things going on in our own hearts. And that's why it starts with you. It starts with me. Jesus made this very clear in his Sermon on the Mount.

These are Jesus' words in Matthew 7, verse one. He says, do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, let me take that speck out of your eye, when all the time there's a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite. First, take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Jesus is saying, hey, hey, first acknowledge your own blind spots and deal with them. Don't just acknowledge them, but deal with them. This is the tendency we all have. We have blind spots in our own lives that we're not willing to admit or deal with. Jesus is teaching us the relationship principle of self-awareness. Can everybody say that with me? Self-awareness. One of the greatest things that will ever develop in our lives with God's help is self-awareness. Most of us are really good at others' awareness. Most of us, we're quick to point out the flaws, the issues, and the planks in other people's eyes and lives. But God says, no, no, no, no, no,

it doesn't start with them. When he talks to me, he's telling me it starts with me. The key to happier, healthier relationships in your life isn't someone else and their issues, it's you, it's me. So if you improve yourself, you're gonna improve your relationships. This is true in every realm of life. A little shout out and word to the singles out there, if you wanna eventually marry well, be the best version of you that you can possibly be. Because the more you improve you, the better chances of attracting someone that you're actually gonna wanna spend the rest of your life with. Why, because like attracts like, and if you're dysfunctional, you will attract dysfunctional. Thank you, Pastor. Thanks, Pastor. The more you grow in your spiritual journey, the greater chance of attracting someone similar that's growing in their spiritual journey. This is true in marriage, this is true in business relationships, this is true in friendships. It all starts with something inside of us. Number two, we need more than personal improvement, we need personal transformation. So to improve your relationships, you improve you, but you need more than just improvement.

There's a difference between improvement and transformation. Most of us have tried to improve ourselves. I'm gonna be more loving, that lasts for a couple of days. I'm gonna be more patient, that lasts for a couple of hours. And we set these goals that we wanna be, of how we wanna be and improve, and that's admirable, there's nothing wrong with having goals and wanting to improve yourself, but improvement won't impact the consistent, lasting impact in your life. Why, ask me why, ask me why. Because generally, here's the point, improvement focuses on the outward, while transformation focuses on the inward. So, I say, I'm gonna be happier. Well, I can. Slap a smile on my face, but that doesn't mean that my heart isn't still sad and angry However, if my heart is transformed on the inside it will reflect them with a smile that is honest and true on the outside Are you are you following me? So you have to decide are you going to focus on the outward or are you going to focus on the inward? And the best return on your investment for your time for growth in relationships Results from going after inward transformation Can I get an amen and for and for inward transformation to actually happen? You need two things one relationship with God and to experience with God You need relationship with God and experiences with God what transform you is how you experience God in your life I'm a nicer more loving person when I spend time with God. I Am a more patient person when I've been to church on Sunday and worship with my family Yeah, because I'm experiencing a relationship that transforms me in here Not just superficially changing something out here that I'm trying to do because I want to be better. So working on you requires

Relationship and to have a relationship with God you have to experience God God wants you to experience him He loves you. He wants to live in you He wants to work in your relationships in such a way that you are no longer the same person you used to be but over time you're becoming more like him in your relationships because you change your hairdo Because you got some nice nails No, no, no, no, no because you got change and transformation happening on the inside of you and Jesus is being formed in you So we're not just looking for an improvement plan. We're looking to be transformed by the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives So under this point I want to mention there are five important experiences you need with God to improve your relationships under this point five Important experiences you need with God to improve your relationships a salvation You can't bypass this you need to be saved You need to realize that without Jesus you and I are lost and spiritually blind But when you receive Jesus in your life as Savior and Lord you because I once was lost but now I'm found I once was blind, but now I Spiritually see I was disconnected and away from God because of sin in my life But by his grace God saved me and he brought me into relationship with him through Jesus Christ That's the beginning point of a relationship with God. It's called salvation Salvation means that you've repented of your sins and you've received Jesus Christ into your life as Lord and Savior of your life You put your faith in him and you invite him into the captain's seat and the steering wheel of the control in your life You've surrendered and said I am a new creation 2nd Corinthians 5 17 This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person the old boo-boo has gone and the new life has begun This is called being born again Being born again. It's salvation. It's a real thing. It's not being more religious It's not being that just a really good person It's being a new person a new a real transformation that begins on the inside and works its way out And then you begin to have a personal testimony. Do you have a personal testimony? Do you have a personal testimony of what your life was before Jesus and what your life is after Jesus? Have you been born again? Not not do you go to church 2.2 times a month that are you a good person? Does your mama go to church? No, those questions are nice, but they mean nothing about your salvation

Are you born again? Have you been born again? Have you released the control of your life to Jesus Christ? Are you truly saved because you can go to church your whole life and not be born again? I know some people have been in church a long time. I don't even know if they're born again You can do a lot of religious things and not be born again Have you given your life to Jesus? It doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means a new life has begun Okay. Okay be second experience with God that you need is revelation and information Not just salvation. You need revelation and information. You need God to talk to you and I'm not talking about weird stuff He begins to speak through his word in a real tangible way about things in your life and he begins to reveal Things about his will and his purpose for your life Revelation is connected to that word reveal which means to uncover things God uncovers things in his word for your life and my and his word begins to touch us It begins to speak to us. It begins to reveal to us God's revelation gives you the information that you need for transformation in your life It's the moment where the logos the written word becomes Rhema a live word in my heart it comes alive It jumps off the page off the logos into the Rhema and it becomes something that is living and active inside of me The Bible refers to this as wisdom and insight that we get from his word that you now can live by So rather than continuing to live how you used to live before Jesus you begin to live in a new way not the world way, not your own way, not your friend's way, God's way, His Word's way. Look what Jesus says about what happens, by the way, when this happens. John 8 31. To the Jews who had believed Him, Jesus said, if you hold to my teaching, if you hold to my words, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Internal freedom and liberation happens by being transformed by the truth. The more truth you get inside of you, the more the light bulb illuminates in your soul and your life by God's Word. You begin to see it and you begin to understand it in your own personal life. And what happens? God's truth sets you free. God's truth breaks chains in your life. God's truth takes away obstacles in your life. God's truth liberates you from oppression and bondage that has held you back for so long. And it positively affects your life and your relationships. Why? Because the truth brings more freedom into your life. And the more freedom you are, the better your relations could be.

Listen to this. If you have some conflicts and issues in relationships, it's because you're missing some freedom. Which means you're missing some truth. So are you having experiences in your life where God is speaking to you through His Word? Are you opening your heart to God so He can reveal and uncover things for you? It's a good question. Letter C. Third experience with God you need is dedication. Dedication. That's all right. There's a shortage of amens. Amen, Jesus. You're gonna need to learn how to, here's another word, how to be consistent. Once you're walking with Jesus, you need to experience the pattern of consistency in your relationship with God. Ask me why? Because consistency is what changes you. If you say, I'm gonna read my Bible once a week, that's better than not reading it at all. Agreed? But, but, but, how much better is it if you have the consistency of reading and reflecting on God's Word daily? I mean, think about what that could do. When you establish a consistent pattern in your life, that consistency begins to build transformation in you because your life is transformed by the renewing of your mind in God's Word. If you say, I'm gonna go to church once a month, that's better than not coming to church at all. But how much better would it be if you're in church every weekend of the year that you can be in church? Question, is that gonna be better? Of course it will because anything you do consistently in your relationship with God is going to move you further down the pathway of change and transformation. Ask me why? Ask me why? Because consistency breaks patterns in your life. Consistency breaks patterns in your life. By the way, how did you get the patterns that you have today currently? By doing what you currently do. Here's the issue. This is kind of a funny statement, but it's, it's funny, but it's, but it's also sad. There are some people that the most consistent thing about them is their inconsistency. And these are the people that say, man, I really want, man, I really want God, I really want you. But, but, but they don't put the consistent, their actions don't match what they're saying they want. And you're never gonna get a different result if you're not changing something. And we need to build in new patterns of consistency. How do you get the patterns

that you have now? Well, that's what you've been doing. The same is true in the spiritual realm. James 1, verse 23 says, anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and then after looking at himself goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues in it, not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it, they will be blessed in what they do. Do you see what it says there? It says, and continues in it. The blessing is found in continuing in it. Pattern of consistency. All right. Letter D. Letter D. What experience do you need with God? You need inner healing. You want better relationships, you need inner healing. If you're going to be transformed, you're going to need some inner healing in your life. Why? Because every one of us has a background. Every one of us has a history. Every one of us have experienced some levels of hardness, difficulty, hurtful things in our life. Some have experienced traumas, abuses, disappointments, abandonments, hurts, wounds that are down deep in our souls. And the more we get hurt by stuff and people and situations in our life, if we don't process it and deal with it in a healthy way, it accumulates inside of us and you start living your life through the lens of your pain. And you start relating to people, not out of a joyful freedom, but out of the pain that you carry because you carry the pain inside that you haven't dealt with, that hasn't been healed. And what happens is every new relationship that you initiate, you're bringing that same pain into the relationship you're going into. And it's hurting you, but it's also affecting the other person because you're dumping on them what you've accumulated and haven't dealt with for so many years. And likely they're dumping on you the same. This is why there's so much relational strife. Many people have not undergone inner healing. healing. You will never be transformed without letting Jesus into your pain. You gotta let him in. Why? Because Jesus is a healer. He doesn't want you living in pain and hurt and resentment and disappointment. It's not healthy for you and it's definitely not healthy for your relationships. We see it all the time in

relationships. Even in marriages that break up. What happened? If you don't get healing from that hurt, if you got divorced and you don't get healing and then you get married again without dealing with that accumulated pain from that previous situation, now you're bringing that into another relationship. Do you really think it's going to be successful? Oh, but he is gonna heal me. Oh, but she's gonna be my Savior, Messiah. Are you crazy? That's why. What is the divorce rate? I don't even know. It depends on where you look. 55% divorce rate? Maybe getting close to 60%? Christian and non-christian? Do you want to know the divorce rate is for second marriages? 75 to 80%? It's because of the accumulation of pain that is undealt with. There's no inner healing and this is what happens over and over. If you keep going through people thinking that someone's going to heal you, the only one who can actually heal you is Jesus. Someone needs to hear this today. Don't look for your healing to come from a spouse. Don't think, oh, if we have kids that's gonna heal me. Don't think if I go on a cruise vacation that's gonna heal me. Psalm 147.3. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 5th E, letter E. 5th experience with God is you need God's power. You want healthy relationships? You need God's power. You need supernatural power in your life in order to love other people. Ask me why? Because some people are hard to love. Please don't give any elbows. Don't point, brother, sister. Don't, don't signal her or him. Can I tell you another truth, boo-boo? Can I tell you another truth, boo-boo? Sometimes, boo-boo, you, sometimes you are hard to love. Let's all, let's just all do a confession of the Saints. Everybody say, sometimes I'm hard to love. Say, sometimes I'm hard to love. It's better to be honest. Come on. Confessions of the Saints at Vertical Church. We need supernatural power to love people, to be at peace with people, to have good healthy relationships. And this power doesn't just help us deal with ourselves. This power also helps us combat against the enemy of our souls. How many know there's a real enemy? There is a devil who wants to steal, kill, and destroy your relationships, your marriage, your family.

There is a devil who wants to cause division and break up friends. There's a devil who wants to cause division and strife in the church and break it up. That's what he does. That's what he's known as, a thief. He is real. But there is a power that is greater than our adversary. There is a power that is greater than any other power, and we need God's power. Ephesians 6, 12. For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in the dark world, against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor, so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then, after the battle, you will still be standing firm. The battle isn't with the person. The battle is against the spiritual enemy. And by the way, you don't stand firm with your own armor. You stand firm with God's armor. It's very, very important. This is a supernatural battle. Does it say that anywhere else? Yes. Second Corinthians 10, 3. For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. We need a power beyond ourselves, and that comes through the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5, 22. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things. You notice all of these are relational words, and that is the product of the Holy Spirit's work in us. And guess who it starts with? It starts with me. It starts with me. Last point, number three. There's hope for you and your relationships. There's hope for you and your relationships, because it starts with you, because God is available to you and to me. There is hope for you, for your life, for your relationships, you and I. Check it out. We can do very little to change anyone else, but it's amazing what happens when you start working on you. Sometimes when you start working on you, others get better because you're working on you. Sometimes, not even because they

were bad, but because along the way you started seeing them in a different way, because now your lens is being purified, and you're different too. You start living a different way, and it positively affects your relationships. But check it out. Even if they don't change, if you get better, it's still better. It's better for you and your life. There's hope for you. There's hope for your relationships. How? If you pursue this process of transformation, if you allow God to start with you, Jesus gives us this promise where I want to land on today, Matthew 11 verse 28. Then Jesus said, come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear and the burden I give you is light. So as we conclude, here's a good question to consider. Are you weary in a relationship in your life right now? Are you weary and heavy burdened in your marriage? Are you weary in a friendship? Are you heavy burdened with a family conflict with a family member or an issue with somebody at work or at school? Jesus said, come to me and I will give you rest. Jesus has the key that can unlock the complexity of that relational situation. So who does it all start with? It starts with me. Let's pray two prayers to close off today. Lord thank you because your truth sets us free. Thank you because your word challenges us today to not look outside to try to find all of the guilty people for our issues and problems. But Lord, you teach us this principle, this relationship principle of self-awareness. Of being willing first to evaluate myself and deal with the issues I need to deal with before trying to help others identify their issues. Lord, I pray that you would help us take steps towards healthier relationships by taking

steps towards inward personal transformation. Give us the courage and the disposition to do the challenging things, to examine our own hearts and to invite you in. We need you because we cannot have transformation without experiencing you. Salvation, revelation, information, dedication. Lord, we need you. Help us to be consistent in our walk with you. Help us to be rooted in a spiritual family, in your word, and in your purpose. In Jesus name I pray, amen.