It's Complicated | I Choose Forgiveness | Pastor Kyle Rodgers

Well, City First, give Jesus one big shout of praise this morning. What a great day to be with you here in City First Anywhere. Fellas, make sure if you haven't registered already for Men's Night, we're going to level up in our leadership together. And I believe God has got some special things to deposit in our hearts at our Men's Night event. Fellas, if you're in agreement, let me hear you say, oh yeah. There it is. There it is. Hey, we're going to take off in our second installment here in our series called It's Complicated. Let's warm up the room for a moment. I want you to look at the person next to you. Come on, get eyeball to eyeball. If that's your spouse, give them a kiss right there. That's a good moment. If that is not your spouse, do not kiss them. Come on, look at them and say, hey, I know something. No, you're not talking to them. You're talking to me. Come on, look at them and say, hey, I know something. I am complicated. Let the self-awareness flow. Come on. It's complicated. It's complicated because life is all about relationships with people and they will require a lot of work. Can I get a good amen right there? Absolutely. Pastor Jerry gave that to us last week as we started this new series. And let's be honest. Life is complicated because life involves relationships. Relationships involve people. And although people are God's greatest and best creation, they are also his messiest. This shows up in all different kinds of relationships. We have relationships with family. This includes the people that you are related to and the people that you'd rather not be related to. Okay. Y'all quiet. I'm going to talk to city first anywhere. This, this, this involves relationships with people in your home, extended family. This involves relationships with your kids or kids with your parents, but we all have family relationships that we're navigating friendship relationships. You did not get a chance to choose your family, but you do get a chance to choose your friends. And how many would agree? Sometimes those relationships experience the ebb and the flow, and you have to figure out how to get more flow than ebb. You have romantic relationships. Come on. You thought you were in love. Okay. I'm going to talk to this side over here. So you got left on red. However, those romantic relationships show up. They take time. They take energy. They take work, workplace relationships. Can we just come into agreement right here and right now that some of the most difficult parts about our jobs is not the actual work. Yeah. It's the people we work with. There it is. Okay. I'm in the right place at the right time.

Let's just be honest. Some days you just want to walk in Monday, 7 47 AM. You got there 13 minutes early and you're ready to lay hands. And I don't mean in prayer. Come on. Uh, somebody comes up with a loud conversation and you're like, I have not had enough coffee before we engage in this dialogue. Even last year at the super bowl, when Travis Kelsey ran off the field and had this type of interaction with his head coach, Andy Reed, which to Travis Kelsey's credit, he said, I immediately regretted it. But how many would agree in this room city first anywhere that you've had at least three moments where you wanted to do this. You just knew it might involve jail time. Come on, uh, relationships inside of our community. Maybe you're new to city first and you're, uh, finding relationships here at city first. But one of the challenges that you have is, I don't know whether I want to get into a life group. Cause someone in the life group might be weird. Can I encourage you? So are you. Come on. We're all trying to figure out how to do this. We're all trying to figure out how to do life together inside of the communities that we're a part of sports teams, organizations, uh, uh, uh, movements that are moving forward to help people. All these different things inside of our community. Sometimes our mentor mentee relationships, whatever the relationship is that you're in. I want to be very clear. It is hard work. And because people are complicated relationships will experience complicated moments. That's good. Somebody ought to write that down or put that in your neighbor's phone. Cause they're going to need that this week. But because people are complicated relationships will experience complicated moments. These complicated moments with complicated people are not a sign that the individual is bad. It's just a sign that the individual is a human being trying to figure out life. And the day I just came with my Buccaneers Jersey on to help you to navigate. through some complicated moments, specifically in the area of forgiveness. All of us in this room, or watching City First anywhere, we all can admit internally to say the embarrassment of admitting it out loud and just go forgiveness is not our favorite topic to navigate. But in every relationship that we will experience

in time and space, forgiveness is a reality that we will have to confront at some point. Simply put, forgiveness is one of the most courageous acts a person can choose. I've yet to meet the person that says I want to forgive, but I have met many people that say I choose to forgive. Today's message is a nudge for those of us who call ourselves disciples of Jesus, believers and followers of his way. And Jesus takes time in a scripture we're gonna look at in a moment, Luke chapter six, where he's communicating maybe the most pivotal message that he has to give during his three and a half year ministry journey. It's called the Sermon on the Mount. And in this message he delivers, he's now communicating to the listeners that day of what it looks like to be a follower of his way. He's wanting to make it abundantly clear so that people know what it means to be a disciple today and moving forward. And he drops this nugget for us in Luke chapter six, verses 27 and 28. But to you who are willing to listen, I say love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who hurt you. Can we be honest together today

and just say there are some portions of scripture where you just put a step back and say, I'd rather not? Jesus, to you who are willing to what? Listen, I say love your enemies. Can I be candid today, maybe at the risk of being overly transparent and say, Jesus, I'm still trying to figure out how to consistently love the people I say I like. You want me to love my enemies? Pray for those who hurt you? No thanks. But Jesus, he's not asking for my insight or my opinion. He's giving a command because he is leveling up the standard that he's called his disciples to live by. Why is he doing this? Because he knows that what the world around us needs to see is people who are going to live counter their knee-jerk reaction and feelings. They're gonna live based upon timeless values and truths that will produce something eternally significant. Jesus is abundantly clear, love your enemies, pray for those who hurt you, bless those who curse you. The listeners of this day would be taken back because they have got issues with the Roman government of the day who is taxing them over and above what is even necessary. And then they've implemented Jewish employees that are taxing them additionally and even skimming more money off the top than what's necessary.

There's injustice on every side that they look. They stomp out rebellions with such a veracity to make sure that people don't ever get it in their minds to push against these unfair rules ever again. And Jesus is saying the people that are causing you the most pain are the ones I want you to pray for? Come on, Jesus. Yeah. Why? Because what's going to make the greatest difference is not going based upon how we feel. What's going to make the greatest difference is taking an approach of humility. Let's get ourselves a working definition today of what forgiveness is. It's the act of releasing someone from the debt of their offense, not because they deserve it, but because you and I have been forgiven by God. Jesus lays this out for us in the Lord's prayer as we affectionately call it, found in Matthew chapter six and verse 12, when he says, and forgive our debts as we have also forgiven our debtors. In the original language, the word forgive here literally means to release or to let go. And Jesus is saying, hey, look. When you forgive debts, you are releasing the fact that someone owes you something for what they did to you.

Can we be honest in this room, City First anywhere, that typically we would love for someone to acknowledge the hurt that they caused before we choose to forgive them? But Jesus is saying here, no, the most courageous choice is to forgive and remember that you have been released from the debt that you owed first. It probably bodes to say here a couple of things that forgiveness is not. Forgiveness does not condone their actions. Just because you forgive them does not mean they're off the hook for the consequences. You are not accepting what they did as being something that you were just going, hey, I just have to live with this. No, you are just choosing to live with the freedom that Jesus provides because you forgave and not be held captive to the pain any longer. Forgiveness is not condoned. Here we go. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. One of the misnomers of forgiveness is because I forgave you, now we are supposed to reengage in the depth of relationship we had prior to your offense. Let's be delicate, but also let's be clear here. Forgiveness requires one person. Reconciliation requires two. Because although I forgave you, you also have to acknowledge the hurt that you caused and be willing to walk in repentance and change of lifestyle and behavior so that you do not continue to perpetuate the pain you caused. Too many people are becoming hurt on an indefinite basis because I forgive you and then I let you have the depth of access to me again. Dr. Henry Cloud says, no, it's actually time for us to draw a healthy boundary. A boundary is not a wall, it's a fence with a door so that I choose the amount of access that I let in and I also am willing to let the door open and push out what does not need to be there. When we draw these boundaries, it's important that we lean in here to make sure that people A, know what the boundary is and know that access in relationship is determined by how

well you respect the boundary. Can I say it like I'm back home for a moment? Sometimes the restraining order is necessary. Why? Because forgiveness is not reconciliation unless both people are on the same page to move forward. Reality is this, forgiveness is a flammable topic because it involves emotions. Although emotions make terrible pilots, they make great indicators of what's going on. Emotions can make forgiveness challenging because of the messages they communicate. Think of emotions like indicators on your dash or your head-up display. That check engine light that came on 7,000 miles ago. Sometimes we're afraid to deal with the potential issue behind that light until something happens where we can no longer make progress and move forward. If it's applicable to a vehicle, how much more is it applicable to our lives? Our emotions should not be the thing that guides us, but they should be the thing that communicates to us. There are a few different things about emotions that I'd love to point to today. Maybe you navigate with one of these emotions and the corresponding statement that these emotions bring up. Here we go. One of the emotions that gets brought up during this process is anger. Anger communicates the message, I will get you back. Is anybody willing to be honest and say you are as dysfunctional as me and say I need you to hurt as much as you hurt me? Okay. Just pray for me this week. Don't judge. Just pray. We listen and we don't judge. Maybe another message that gets communicated is the message of betrayal.

It's the emotion of betrayal. The message it says is I can't trust you anymore. I read this quote, don't know who it belongs to, but I just resonated with it when I heard it. I'm not mad that you lied to me. I'm just mad I can't trust you. anymore. It's emotions. Bitterness. I won't ever let this go. Fear. You won't hurt me again. Pride. I can't let them know they hurt me. If I was to pause here for just a moment, this may be one of the emotions that tears more relationships apart. That we expect people to ask for forgiveness for hurt that they don't even know that they caused. But why didn't we bring it to the surface? Because our pride got in the way. I can't let them know they hurt me. I can't let them know that I was weak and vulnerable. I can't let them know that they got to me that way. Or maybe it's the emotion of shame. I deserve this. I don't know which one resonates with you, but I dare to believe there's at least one that speaks to you in this moment. And I'd love to pause right here and just say God is not afraid to sit with you in any one of these emotions. God is not afraid. He's not going to blush by hearing you make those statements in the middle of your pain, your agony, and your discomfort. All he wants is to be invited, here we go, to sit with you. Because one thing in following Jesus for a number of years now I've found is that if I invite him to sit with me, he never leaves me the way that he finds me. If you're looking at these emotions and establishing what forgiveness is and maybe is not, it probably bodes for us to have a little interaction of how we can practically flesh this out. And although today's message, we just don't have enough time to be exhaustive, I do believe that today's message can be helpful for you. I want you to know that God is not afraid to I do believe that today's message can be helpful in the complications we experience in any relationship related to the act, the choice of forgiveness. Paul says this in Colossians chapter three, he says, make allowance for each other's faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Yeah.

It's in this that the writer helps us to see the most important part of this statement that he gives is to make an allowance for people to have a failure. One of the misnomers sometimes in life is that the people who love us best or know us the most should not ever fail us. And the reality is they don't fail us because they're bad. They just fail us because they're human. The writer here goes, Hey, the way that we keep relationships on a steady pace moving forward is to make space to forgive people when they hurt us, make room, create margin. Danielle and I, it's my wife. We were going through premarital counseling and our counselor looked at us and said, Hey, make sure inside of this relationship, if it's going to be the healthiest and the best over a long period of time, you both are going to have to give each other permission to fail. To which I leaned in and said, come again. You know, when you say for better or for worse, merry folk, and then for worse shows up. Now what do I do? And I found this truth from Colossians three to be the thing that has held my heart and my spirit in more days than not. That if I make space, if I make margin, if I just create room, I won't be so caught off guard when she says something to me that just didn't resonate with my heart. Here we go. I'm a lot to deal with. There's days where she needs space to be able to go. He's just having a bad day. How would relationships change in the spot where you work? Here we go. How would zoom meetings go? If you showed up at nine 32, your zoom, and didn't expect everybody to have their camera on immediately. Some people just ain't ready to deal with people yet. And that's all right. How would our interactions students, how would your interactions with your parents be different? If you just left space to remember, they're still in progress to Students, I'm going to level with you for a moment. Right here. Two things you need to know. Number one, be nice to your parents because this is the first time they've ever raised you. Parents, I thought you'd give a better amen right there. Come on. I'm trying to help a brother and a sister out. Here we go.

Yeah. Yeah. The second reason, students, you've got to be nice to your parents is you ain't that easy to get along with. Easy, faster, easy. It's just coming from someone who gave his parents a run for their money too. Now I'm a parent on the other side and I'm figuring out what it means to want to feel like you need to send your children back to see their creator. I'm learning what it's like to make space, make an allowance. Just the other day, I had a fresh picture of this because I asked a ... It was an intense question. I looked at one of our kids. We've got two, a third grader and a four year old. I looked at one of them and I said, hey, help me. Where can dad get better? Where can I become a better dad? They were really honest and it was really painful. I looked at them and I said, hey, I'm sorry. Dad blew it. They said, well, I forgive you, dad, just please don't do it again. To which I responded, I would love to say it's not going to happen, but the way I'm set up is possible. Not making an excuse, just being honest. They looked back at me and they said, hey, dad, if it does happen again, just know I still forgive you. How would relationships with people look if we brought a I still forgive you in our hearts towards them every day? My coach yelled at me and it was less than what I anticipated him saying about me. Yeah, he wasn't right, but I still forgive him. My sibling, the one I'd rather not invite to come to Thanksgiving dinner, they did this

and said that, and it made me feel this way, but you know what? I still forgive them. My dad, when he was born, his father was 50 years old and his dad never hugged him, never kissed him, never told him that he loved him, never threw the ball with him. He lived in the house, but he was not present. I'll never forget him telling me this story because my experience is his son is the complete opposite of what he experienced being the son to my grandfather. He said, Kyle, I got to such a place where I had one of two choices. I could either live with the pain that he caused or I can figure out a way to let that inexcusable offense go. And he said, Kyle, I wrote a letter and I held onto that letter until I felt like I'd gotten to a spot where I had released all of the pain to the Lord and gotten it out of my hands. The wildest part of this story is my dad learned how to forgive his dad even after his own dad had died. Why? He chosen to make space to forgive because he leaned into the forgiveness he received from his creator. If we're honest in this room and city first anywhere, some of the hardest parts about forgiveness is that there are things that people have said or done and they feel inexcusable. And let's be clear in this room, watching live or watching later, there are some things that have happened that have left an indelible mark on our psyche. Our emotions and where we have arrived to today, they are not to be taken lightly. I do feel nudged to just say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've had to experience those things. I'm sorry someone betrayed your trust. I'm sorry someone you looked up to let you down, and now you're left holding the bag of all of these emotions that would cause you

to feel like you can never forgive them for this inexcusable act. However, there's one thing I know on the other side, is that if you choose to take that pain, that hurt, and that disappointment, and put them into the capable hands of our Savior, He knows what to do with pain if you will get it out of your hands and put it into His. There was a moment in my own life where I had someone who I did not wanna make an allowance for. They'd been in my life for 15 years, and one season as a mentor, and another season as a friend, but then they became someone who I didn't even recognize who they were anymore, because the person they said that they were was not the person whom their actions indicated they actually were. I have a hard time with people like that. And as the students would say, I had this emotion towards him that if I saw him again, it was on sight. You gonna catch these hands. However, I didn't know that that emotion was really obvious to the people around me until Danielle and I were in a conversation in our house one day, and she looks at me, and she mentions that individual's name,

and I said, don't ever say their name in this house again. And being the strong black Christian woman she is, she said, I'm not sure who you're talking to, but you better go talk to Jesus. When I sat down in my time with the Lord, I said, Jesus, I didn't know that unforgiveness had gotten in so deep, because you know what happens when unforgiveness gets a hold of your heart? You start taking it out on people that it ain't even about. We all know the statement, hurt people hurt people. I said, hey, Jesus, what do I do? I don't know how God talks to you. This is how he talked to me. He said, hey, Kyle, let it go. I said, God, I don't want to. Way to go, pastor. He said, yeah, I didn't ask you what you wanted to do. I gave you instruction of what you need to do. Ladies and gentlemen, I would love to tell you that I let it go in that moment, and it never bothered me again. But for the next seven years, every time that individual's name crossed my mind, or their face crossed my imagination, I had to say out loud, I choose to forgive you. I choose to let it go. Why? C.S. Lewis tells us this, to be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable,

because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. Come on. Who am I to say that the things God has forgiven me from pale in comparison to the forgiveness I need to offer to someone else? This does not exonerate or excuse the hurt, but it does indicate that in my hands, this will not be good. In your hands, it's not productive. Forgiveness will require a willingness to surrender that God can take care of my hurt better than I can. Scripture says, vengeance is his. Have you ever been in a moment where you go, hey God, I know you said vengeance is yours, but how are you going to take vengeance? Are you going to do it the way I want you to do it? You're going to do it the way it makes me feel better? If I can be, we already been honest, we might as well stay in the 12 foot deep end. You ready? The hardest part about putting it in God's hands is he hardly does what I want him to do with it. Like my favorite scriptures in the Bible. God, would you break their teeth? God, would you make them a footstool? Pray for me this week, I'm in therapy. The hardest things to do is to put it in his hands and leave it there. But what if you did and you made space and you just said the God that was more than enough then

is the God that'll be more than enough now. The God who sent his son to die for the things that were inexcusable then, he's the God that'll walk with me in the things I feel are inexcusable now. The question is, do you actually trust God to take care of your hurt better than you can? And all of us have to interact with this question on a frequent basis. But here's the fun part. If you put it in his nail scarred hands and leave it there, he has a proven track record of what he does with stuff. And even if the person who hurt you doesn't change, you change. Because forgiveness has nothing to do with them, it has everything to do with you. And I gotta be honest with you, there aren't enough days on this planet for any of us to wallow around in the pain and the pity and the disgust and the disappointment that someone else's humanity perpetuated on us. If Jesus said, whom the son sets free is free indeed, I need the next 40 years of my life to be lived in freedom from the things that I was not designed or created to carry. So here's where the personal responsibility comes in. Decide which type of person you're gonna be every day. Decide which type of person you are going to be. We already know you're a complicated person. We got that out of the way early.

But now you have the opportunity to choose. Am I going to be critical or am I going to be compassionate? Is my spiritual gift going to be judgment? That was a joke. That was a joke. It landed flat. Or am I going to be empathetic? Am I gonna be bitter or am I gonna get better? Am I gonna be resentful or am I going to be a forgiver? Decide every day what type of person you're going to be. And when you do inevitably decide what godly characteristics you're going to embody, let's just be honest. None of us can do this apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. We can't forgive anyone without the strength that God's word brings to let things go. I need him. You need him. We need him. And one thing we know, in every relationship horizontally, if we invite him in vertically, he will change not just them, he will change us. You believe that this morning? If you're comfortable, would you just stand to your feet for a moment? Our team is here and we just want to take a moment and pause in worship. This is the response portion to today's message. And when we respond in worship,

this response is not just the singing of a song, it's the declaration of what we're choosing to believe by faith. The name we're choosing to trust in and the difference that that person makes. And his name is Jesus. And when you invite him in, he changes everything. So many of us have experienced it in our own lives and we're ready to experience it afresh in a new and a very specific area of our lives. Now that you're on your feet, if you're comfortable taking one more step, would you just lift one or both of your hands towards the Lord? This is a sign that you are releasing from you. Everything that you do not have to receive from him everything that he provides the strength to forgive the courage to let it go the courage to have a Conversation the courage to trust it into his hands and not yours wherever you are However, you feel whatever hurt you have today is the day to move your story forward not by might nor by power But by his spirit, let's lift up our voices and declare it today. Come on. Tell him your name is power Oh Your name is power your name is Your name The break every stronghold shine through the shadows Oh a shout In Jesus in the dark Oh So I speak his name over it all I shout Jesus from the mountains Jesus in the streets

And Jesus in the darkness over every enemy And Jesus for my family, I speak the holy name Jesus With every head bow with every eye closed just for a moment. There's someone in this room watching live and watching later You say Kyle I need this Jesus in my life I've carried the burden of pain That someone else caused for far too long and I realized today Not only do I need to let it go, but I need to let Jesus have control of my life moving forward so many of us in this room have made this decision already and Now is your opportunity to do so In a moment, we're gonna pray a simple prayer of commitment sitting first I'm gonna ask you to pray this out loud with me. So no one feels left out. Just say Jesus. I Need you. I've tried on my own and I've failed but today I Hand you my sin. I Receive your forgiveness. I Hand you my life. I Received your love Be the Lord of my life and the king of my heart today and every day to come in Jesus name Amen, come on. Give Jesus one big praise right there. Hey, what an absolutely incredible message I hope that you were courage, but also challenged man just walking through forgiveness It's such a huge part of relationships and so I hope that you took something with you something you can take with this week that you can apply to your life and If you made that decision to make Jesus the leader and the forgiver your life Congratulations, that is the greatest decision that you will ever make the best relationship you can enter into and so we just want to say Congratulations, and maybe you're sitting there you're going. Hey, I have a few questions. Like I made this decision now What do I do? Well, I'm glad you asked us a couple of things number one Let someone know let us know drop it in the chat say hey

I made that decision to make Jesus the leader for you in my life now What's next? All right, maybe tell somebody, you know, let somebody else know Do you have a friend or a family member let them know but then secondly is this there's a free resource There's a QR code that'll pop up on your screen there. You can scan that or you can find it on our app It's just called new beginning Yeah And it's gonna help you just navigate a couple of questions They're gonna help you get started when it comes to your faith like reading the Bible and praying and then Cory's got something else for You can share with that's right after you finish that new beginnings resource We've got a thing we do around here called growth track and that basically answers helps answer the question What is God's purpose for my life because we all have a purpose that God intends for us to fulfill and this is a four-part series that you go through and Dive into all the personality characteristics of who God made you to be so you can fulfill his purpose for your life So sign up for growth track either through the app or online Yeah, absolutely. And if maybe you say, you know, I would love for someone to pray with me Yeah, we've got people that are praying all week long We got teams that are praying and so if you're walking through something right now and you go man I would just really somebody like somebody to join their faith with mine. Let us know. You can drop it there in the chat or you can go on the app or online and just let us know. Let us know what it is. You can put your name there too. You can give as much information as you want. That's up to you. But we would love to just be praying for you. And then another thing we'd ask is just share this with somebody.

You know, shoot this message out to somebody. Maybe you know there's somebody that's kind of walking through some difficulties with their relationships. Let them do it. Could be friends, could be family members, all that stuff like that. But hopefully it was an encouragement to you as well. That's right. Hey, and the most important thing you can do is come back next week. It's important to keep filling your tank with the words God has for us. So I hope you guys enjoyed today's message on forgiveness and we'll see you again next week.