How to Handle Difficult Relationships | Pastor Scotty Gibbons | Northplace Church

pastor in North Place Church in the Dallas Fort Worth area for almost 20 years. We're one church that meets in multiple locations even on multiple continents and today you are one of those locations. The church is not about buildings, it is about people and we have the privilege today of sharing the hope of the gospel with you right where you are. There is no way I can know exactly what you're going through or dealing with right now but for almost 30 years I have preached about a God who I know, I am confident, knows you, your struggles, knows the very hairs on your head and the thoughts that you think before you think them and he is passionately in love with you and our prayer today is that in our time together you fill our love for you and his presence and we pray that this time together gives you hope. Thank you for joining us. So glad you heard this morning, let's stand up and praise the Lord together, He's worthy of our praise. I'll praise in the valley, praise on the mountain, I'll praise when I'm sure, praise when I'm doubting, I'll praise when I'll number, praise when surrounded, cause praise is the water my enemy's drowning, as long as I'm breathing, I've got a reason to praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, I'll praise when I feel it, praise when I don't, I'll praise cause I know you're still in control, cause my praise is a weapon, it's more than a sound, my praise is the child that freaks jail and goes down, as long as I'm breathing, I've got a reason to praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, I won't be quiet, my God is alive, how could I keep it inside? I'll praise cause you're sovereign, praise cause you're reign, praise cause you're rose and defeated the grave, I'll praise cause you're faithful, praise cause you're true, praise cause there's nobody greater than you, I'll praise cause you're sovereign, praise cause you're reign, praise cause you're rose and defeated the grave, I'll praise cause you're faithful, praise cause you're true, praise cause there's nobody greater than you, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my Lord, oh my soul, I won't be quiet, my God is alive, how could I keep it inside? I won't be quiet, my God is alive, how could I keep it inside?

Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord, oh my - Well, good morning, North Slice Church. At a clock, you came ready to worship today. It's good to be in the house of the Lord together to lift up the name of Jesus. Can I remind you today that the King is in the room? And we get to give him all of the honor, all of the glory, and all of the praise that he is due. So today, King Jesus, we worship you for who you are. Would you take your rightful place in this room today? Come on, will you sing with us? ♪ There was a moment when the lights went on ♪ ♪ When death had claimed its victory ♪ ♪ The King of love had given up his life ♪ ♪ The darkest day in history ♪ ♪ They're on the cross they made for sinners ♪ ♪ Forever curse his blood at dawn ♪ ♪ One final breath and it was finished ♪ ♪ But not the end we could have known ♪ ♪ For the earth may be to shake ♪ ♪ And the way I was torn ♪ ♪ White sacrifice was made ♪ ♪ As heaven drove ♪ ♪ All hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ All hell, all hell ♪ ♪ And earth, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ All hell, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ There was a moment when the sky lit up ♪ ♪ Imagine light breaking through ♪

♪ When all was lost, it caused me turning ♪ ♪ Oh, the King of life was on the blue ♪ ♪ Yeah, we're in a dark cold too ♪ ♪ Where our water was laid ♪ ♪ But miraculous breath ♪ ♪ And we're forever ♪ ♪ All hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ And all hell, all hell ♪ ♪ And earth, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ And earth, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ And earth, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ All hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ All hell, all hell keep Jesus ♪ ♪ All hell, Jesus ♪ ♪ And all hell keep your love ♪ ♪ And all hell ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ And let me ♪ ♪ Come out before the King of Jesus ♪ ♪ Let me down ♪ ♪ Come and save the Lord ♪ ♪ And live down your shadow ♪ ♪ Let us join with all hell ♪ ♪ Let me see it all ♪ ♪ We see it all ♪ ♪ We call ♪ ♪ Sing it all ♪ ♪ All hail, keep, Jesus ♪ ♪ All hail the Lord of heaven and earth ♪ ♪ All hail, keep, Jesus ♪

♪ And all hail the Savior of the world ♪ ♪ All hail, keep, Jesus ♪ ♪ So hold you, hold you, hold you, hold you, hold you ♪ ♪ Before the earth ♪ ♪ I knew it'd start ♪ ♪ God, You were ♪ ♪ In God, You were ♪ ♪ Before Your word ♪ ♪ It filled the darkness ♪ ♪ God, You were ♪ ♪ In God, You are ♪ ♪ For Your church ♪ ♪ You were scarred ♪ ♪ You took on for ♪ ♪ You took the cross ♪ ♪ In I have come ♪ ♪ To know Your heart ♪ ♪ I will worship ♪ ♪ All You are ♪ ♪ All hail, Lord Almighty ♪ ♪ All of heaven filled with praise ♪ ♪ Jesus, earth is Your name ♪ ♪ Holy ♪ ♪ And we cry, holy ♪ ♪ Send in one to rock Your grace ♪ ♪ Every nation, every name ♪ ♪ We honor You, King Jesus ♪ ♪ Come on, in one voice we sing ♪ ♪ Before I find ♪ ♪ My way to come ♪

♪ You call me Yours ♪ ♪ And now through every season ♪ ♪ Sing ♪ ♪ Hold me your own heart ♪ ♪ Our worship ♪ ♪ All You are ♪ ♪ Holy ♪ ♪ Lord Almighty ♪ ♪ All of heaven filled with praise ♪ ♪ Jesus, earth is Your name ♪ ♪ Holy ♪ ♪ We cry, we cry, holy ♪ ♪ Send in one to rock Your grace ♪ ♪ Every nation ♪ ♪ We sing, holy, holy ♪ ♪ Lord Almighty ♪ ♪ All of heaven filled with praise ♪ ♪ Jesus, earth is Your name ♪ ♪ Holy ♪ ♪ We cry, holy ♪ ♪ Saying you want to rub your crease ♪ ♪ Every nation, every name ♪ ♪ It'll bounce out your name ♪ ♪ How do you name creation ♪ ♪ Bounce creation ♪ ♪ Crys out ♪ ♪ Holy earth ♪ ♪ In one voice ♪ ♪ We join with the song ♪ ♪ Of heaven above ♪

♪ Oh, come on, can we join with the elders ♪ ♪ In the saints today ♪ ♪ Have your name ♪ ♪ The angels ♪ ♪ Devise ♪ We join with the song of heaven of love. Holy are you? Have your name the angels come. Creation cries out. Holy are you in one voice. We join, we join with the song of heaven of love. Holy are you? Holy the Lord of Light. Holy heaven filled with praise. Jesus worthy is your name. Holy we cry. Holy said in one turn of your grace every nation, every name. Holy are you? With the song of our lives today we are you. With our lives we are you. Cause you're holy. Lord you worthy worthy worthy worthy. You've always been worthy. Holy are you? Holy are you? Holy are you? Holy are you? Holy are you? Holy are you? The Lord God Almighty. For this will live. For this will live. For you are holy. Holy are you Lord God Almighty. Inward this will live. Inward this will live. For you are holy. Are you God Almighty? For this will live. For this will live. For you are holy. Holy are you Lord God Almighty. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. For this will live. Amen. As we welcome I want to do some we have done this in a while just to be very intentional about this but we're welcome our campuses are joining us right now but I want us as a host campus just to welcome them when you do that just welcome everybody in. All of you watching on the Pendo app all over the correctional facilities across this country and our online campus. Thank you for being a part of today with us. I wanna just wanna celebrate a few things with you today. First of all, let me ask you to do this. We don't make it to do about this and we do it a little bit different here. Just October, you may have seen somewhere, traditionally has been clergy appreciation month,

past or appreciation month, whatever you wanna say. We don't make it to do about that here. I would encourage you because it's not just our pastoral staff, but all of our support staff. The staff that serve, they've given their lives to serve at the church, whether they're pastors or not. If God puts it on your heart, one of them has served you well. Somebody's meant something to you. Would you verbalize that, put it in a note, make a phone call, text, do something, card, and encourage them some way during the month of October and just say, hey, thank you for what you do. You mean the world. Over the last few days, we've been at the marriage conference and just had an incredible time with Scotty and Casey and so many of you that were here, and it was enriching to us, but one of the beautiful things is that Hayley and I got to hang out with a lot of you and heard your stories and people often come up and say, hey, I know you probably hear this all the time, but and they will tell us something that God has done in their life because they've been a part of North Place church or something we said or did that encouraged them. And I'm like, nope. Sometimes the bad news outweighs the good news, so thank you for verbalizing that because your story is the energy that keeps our batteries charged, so thank you for telling us that. And because we know what it means to us, I encourage you to share it with other people on our team

that have meant the world to you or have served you in some way. October's a great time to do that. Hanging out at the marriage conference over the last couple of days, having those conversations with people, it gave me the opportunity to hear from some of your stories and a couple of really neat interactions that I had. Being baptism Sunday is coming up. One of the young couples came to us and said, "Hey, just want to thank you for what God's done in our life since we've been here." He said, "I kind of walked away from my Christian faith as a young man dabbled in Islam, was kind of floundering, started attending church with her. I was engaged by the thought put into the messages. This wasn't just hype. There was some depth to what was being said. It made me intellectually engaged with scripture again. And he said, "I discovered Jesus. I was baptized in January. And now we're on a new journey. And God has revolutionized our lives, revolutionizing our families." That was so incredible. And it just made me think that's just one of the stories of people that have been baptized recently. And so many more are going to happen. That happens because of the way you serve, because of the way you give.

And I'm going to pray over our giving and our generosity today. But before I do, I just want to go ahead and let Pastor Scottie come while I'm praying. But I am so thrilled that he is with us. He and Casey did such a phenomenal job. I really, Haley and I are better because of the last. She was nicer to me yesterday after the marriage conference, and I'm just kidding. She's not feeling well today. She's at homesick, and I just kind of bat-- she's watching online. Sorry, babe. But we really-- our lives, like, we felt like God was really giving us practical tools to be better at marriage. And I'm just so grateful for Scottie and Casey and Pastor Scottie will come in just a moment. But when he does, I want you to welcome him. Father, thank you for today. Thank you for what you're doing in this congregation of people. I ask you to mobilize people that have kind of been sitting on the sidelines, coming to church, but not really contributing, consuming, but not contributing. This is an incredible opportunity heading into Christmas for them to go from that church to my church, because they serve the vision of Jesus through his local church, and it's a part of changing lives. I pray you raise the resources and the people to see that vision become a reality.

Bless those who are walking out their generosity journey. May they see you show up in their life. Will you open our hearts to your word today through our good friend and Pastor Scottie, and I pray it plants incorruptible seeds that make us more like you, in Jesus' name, amen, and amen. Would you welcome Pastor Scottie today? (audience applauding) - Thank you so much, man. - Hey, good morning, everybody. You're glad to be in God's house today. Can you thank the Lord for your church? Come on, put your hands together if you love North Place Church. Thank you, Pastor Brian, for allowing Casey and me to be a part of the marriage weekend. It was so much fun and always a treat for me to get to be here on a Sunday. If you're a visitor here today, you gotta come back when Pastor Brian is preaching. You know, I was thinking about this just, I think it was maybe yesterday, one of the days when Pastor Brian was upfront, just giving some leadership for the service at that time. And I thought the way that he is pastoring and leading and preparing this church body to be liked, to be sought, to have a genuine, authentic, grounded, mature relationship with Jesus Christ, like it's an exceptional gifting, it's an exceptional anointing.

And how many of y'all knows we live in a crazy world? Anybody knows that lately? I mean, you got AI, you got aliens, you got wars, you got the political economy, everything. It's like, oh, dear Jesus, like, I believe Jesus is coming back soon. Anybody else believe that? I really believe he's coming back soon. But blessed is the church that has leadership that is preparing you to be strong, to have joy on the inside, no matter what's going on on the outside. And you are that church. Can we thank God for your leadership? Pastor Brian, Haley, David, Claudia, Shane, the whole team, great, great people. Well, why don't you turn to your neighbor right now and say, I love Jesus more than you do. Why don't you go ahead and say that to him? Why don't you turn the other person on the other side, look at them and say, you look like you need Jesus today. You got that look in your eye? We had so much fun at the marriage weekend. And yeah, it was refreshing for Casey and me. We laughed, we laughed at our own selves. I mean, some of the stuff were like, man, that was crazy. And then just time with Pastor Brian and Haley, I think we laughed even more, just sharing stories with them. But we just, back in the hotel room,

we're just talking about how refreshed we were and how encouraged we were. But we love speaking on relationships, all kinds of relationships. Our God is a relational God, is that true? God created us to be relational beings. Relationships are his idea. He made us all different. Don't know if you notice that when you came in today, but we're all so unique. I mean, God likes you. He just didn't make everybody like you. Have you noticed that? He made you and he said, yes, that's enough. And he said, move right along. And so he made other people different ways, different types. And yet we tend to think that we are the normal ones and everybody else is weird. Have you ever thought that before? I know that I have. The truth is, is that relationships at times can be difficult just because we're all so different. I mean, that in and of itself is enough to make it challenging at times. But in addition to that, we're not just different by way of personality or senses of humor or things like that. But we're also challenged because we're all broken. We all have issues. As a matter of fact, if you knew how many issues the person you're seated next to this morning has,

you'd probably get up and move because you're like, wow, that's a lie, but we all have issues. And today I want to talk to us about how to handle difficult relationships. Anybody ever had a difficult relationship before or one? Does this look, don't point at them. I'm just saying, have you ever had one? Perhaps it's a difficult coworker. Just makes work harder just because of that relationship or maybe it's some, some just unique next door neighbor. She's like, man, I'm just trying to get my garbage. That's all I'm trying to do and you're here making it weird. Maybe it's a messy roommate. Maybe it's a controlling parent. Maybe it's a difficult spouse, but we're surrounded by people, which means we're surrounded by brokenness. We're surrounded by distinctions and differences. And at times it can be very, very difficult. This is why this message is so important today is because there is no escaping it. And yet you and I do have a responsibility on how we as followers of Jesus handle them. Ah, we live in a cancel culture. If I don't like you, I'll just cancel you. Like if you don't think like me, talk like me, vote like me, act like me. I'll just write you off in our world today. We'll delete relationships. We'll just be like, oh, you may have raised me. You may have changed my diaper.

You may have taught me to brush my teeth and tie my shoe. But now all of a sudden I don't like you. I won't be coming for Thanksgiving. What in the world is going on? It's 2026. It's the world that we live in. It's a mindset, it's a mentality that goes against what we read in God's word as followers of Jesus Christ. As children of God, we have a responsibility to handle our relationships no matter how challenging, but they still need to be God. So I wanna look at Romans chapter 12 today. We're gonna look at several scriptures, and this is Paul writing to the church in Rome, and he's acknowledging. Here's what you'll see, he's acknowledging. It's not always going to be easy to get along, but it's God's plan, desire, that we would. And so we need to know, well, how do we do that? Because it can be hard at times. Romans chapter 12, verse nine, if you're ready to say, "Uh-huh, come on a few minutes," and say, "Oh, yeah," he says, "Don't just pretend to love others." You ever had to do that one. "Don't just pretend to love others." Really love them. Hate what is wrong, hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.

Take delight, let me ask you today. Do you take delight in just honoring people? Like, "Oh, I just delight in that." Oh, I am personally, I find it joyful, invigorating, just to be able to honor others. This is so good. He's giving us divine truth on how to handle difficult relationships, because he knew that you and I would have them. Look at verse 14, it says, "Bless those who persecute you." Don't you love them? The scripture gives you something that you just go, "Well, that doesn't mean me." Well, that doesn't mean this relationship. "Bless those who persecute you." Don't curse them. Pray that God would bless them. Look at verse 15, be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with each other. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. Well, that's a pleasant way of saying it, isn't it? Ordinary people. Don't be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people, and don't think. Whoo, so I need to hear this one. Everybody tune in, tune in, and don't think you know it all. I'm so glad some husband didn't just say amen right there. I pause, I was like, "Let him show him, let him help him." Key verses in verse 18.

Look at verse 18 still in chapter 12. It says, "If it is possible," somebody say, "If it is possible," as far as it depends on you, this is our key verse. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. If it is possible, communicates the reality that it's not always possible. But it also teaches us that as followers of Jesus Christ, we have responsibility to honor God even when it's difficult. So what is our responsibility? Or if you're taking notes, and I hope that you are, you can write down a few of these things. Number one is this, you and I have a responsibility to control what you can control. You're in a difficult relationship. You're in one that's being tested. You're in one that's just gotten on your last nerve and it's jumping up and down on it right now. And you're like, "What in the world am I supposed to do?" God's word speaks to us and one of the responsibilities is that we control what we can control. Back to verse 18, if it is possible, look at this next part, as far as it depends on you, you and I have responsibility to live at peace with everyone. I mean, I'm not gonna sit up here and pretend like I think that I'm right all the time, okay? I'm just gonna acknowledge that right now. I am not right 100% of the time. I'm not. But 99% of the time, y'all, I'm really, really close.

You know what, we all think like that because if we didn't think we were right, we wouldn't be thinking what we're thinking. We just see life the way we see it. So what I'm suggesting to you is if you find yourself in this difficult relationship, instead of being what scripts are saying right there, don't be a know it all and as far as it depends on you, we have to start with what we can control. Even if 99.9999% of that is on that person. Can you just be humble enough to go? Point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one. That's on me. Can you just do that? Can you start right there? And acknowledge that you might have some responsibility here. What can you control? Few things, you can control your attitude. We're called to be mature enough to choose humility in the way you approach that relationship. I have to be willing to recognize I have my own issues. all of my relationships. Did you know that you do that? You can love God, serve God and worship God, but everywhere you show up, you brought you with you and you ain't perfect. As a matter of fact, if you think you're the one who doesn't have any issues, that's probably your biggest issues, your self-awareness you need to break through. You need the Lord to help you. Matureity chooses humility. An immature attitude says the way I see it is the way it actually is. A mature attitude says the way I see it is simply the way I see it, but I don't always see things perfectly is just my perspective. Listen to Proverbs chapter 21 verse 2. It says, every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the heart. You and I get to control our attitude. It's a privilege and it's a responsibility not to live frustrated, always complaining,

always bothered about what she did, what he did, what they're doing instead to own it and say, as far as it depends on me, I can control my attitude. Here's something else we can control. We can control our own health. This one's important because difficult relationships can challenge your headspace. The stress of a relationship can begin to weigh on you and affect your overall health, your mental health, your emotional health. Even your physical health can get traced back to stress in a difficult relationship. And what I want to encourage you today is when you're controlling what you can control is to understand you don't have to allow someone else's dysfunction or poor attitude to affect your outlook on life. You're in control of your own headspace. The difficult relationship does not have to dictate your peace. I want to say that one again, because so I didn't need to hear that today and receive that today. The difficult relationship that you're in does not have to dictate your peace in your own heart. That difficult relationship does not get to determine your joy. You get to choose that. You may not be able to control your in-laws during this holiday season. Don't say, man, you might not be able to control what they do, what they say, but you don't have to be a victim of their dysfunction just because somebody else is living like that, thinking like that, talking like that, acting like that does not mean that you do. You and I can choose to set our own healthy boundaries. You may not be able to single-handedly fix the relationship, but as far as it depends on you means you can still own your own health. Let me give you something else that we can control. We can control our response to that relationship. This one can be super empowering today if you will hear this and apply it. You and I can control our response. No matter what someone else says or does, you get to control your response. Just because they are gossiping does not mean that you have to gossip just because they get loud and animated and frustrated doesn't mean that your emotions have to rise to that same level. You get to choose your response no matter what the other person in the relationship is doing. Proverbs 29 verse 22 says an angry person stirs up conflict and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. That stood out to me an angry person stirs up conflict. You know anybody who just loves to stir up some conflict. Do you know anybody like that? Just somebody just wherever they go, the drama follows because if there is no drama, they'll create drama. You know anybody like that? If there's no conflict, just get to stirring. They're going to stir it up. They just want to stir up some issues. Listen, just because they're doing that doesn't mean that you have to respond to that. Proverbs 15, 18 says a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient

calms the quarrel. This is what it looks like to own your response to control what you can control. When you allow the fruit of the spirit to guide your life, God can use that to impact not only your own peace, but the whole relationship is hard work, but it's worth it. Can you say, man? Proverbs 29, 11 says a fool gets full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. People are going to say things. People are going to act certain ways that will frustrate us, that will even hurt us. And you may not be able to keep people from dumping their trash on you, but you can be sure to keep your lid on. You don't have to let it come in and get into your heart, your spirit, and you're so begin to affect you. And now you're lashing out, or now you're responding accordingly. The response is up to you. You can control what you can control. Work hard to not respond out of emotion. Don't immediately react, text back, or post. Somebody might need to hear this one today. A wise person will stop, take a deep breath, and count to ten. I mean, I know that sometimes you need to count to ten again. Anybody ever had to count to a hundred before? Sometimes you need to sleep on it before you post, before you text back. Pray about it before you respond. Let the Holy Spirit speak to you. Let the Holy Spirit work on you. Why? Because you're a follower of Jesus. You're a child of God. You have a responsibility on how we're supposed to handle our difficult relationships. We don't have the right or the luxury of saying, "Well, you know what they did to me? So here's what I'm going to do to them." You know what?

I'm just tired and stressed and frustrated. So I'm going to lash back out. No, no, as a follower of Jesus, we are unique. We're different. We have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us. I'm not saying that it's easy. The Word of God never said that it was easy. Listen to James chapter 3 verse 18 though, it gives us hope. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoys its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. Oh, we can experience it, but it's going to be hard work. We just have to be committed to it. Let me give you a second thing. Point number two, discover and value the other person's perspective. We're talking about how to handle these relationships that can be so trying. They can test your patience. They can be challenging. They can try and steal your joy or rob you of your peace. Can you do anything about it? Oh, you certainly can. Number two, what can you do? Discover and value the other person's perspective. If I'm going to do that, that's going to require maturity on my part because, really, that's another step of honor. See, if I want to honor God, he says, here's how you honor me, honor one another. To love God, the way we should means that we have to love others the way his Word says to love them. Now, let's be clear, valuing another person does not mean that you have to agree with their perspective. It simply shows that you value them. It doesn't mean that you agree with everything that they're saying.

It just means that you value them as a person. Let me give you some insight that I learned when my wife, Casey, and I have... We've been going to counseling or conferences, marriage conferences for years. Not for simply the sake of the betterment of our own relationship, although that's been a huge takeaway. But we also want to be as equipped as possible to be a blessing to other couples. And so we've been doing this for a number of years. And yet, I remember in one of our counseling sessions, I remember when the counselor was looking at us, he looked at me and he said, "You need to be a better listener." Now, we're talking on communication and how to have better communication. And he looked at me and he said, "You need to be a better listener." And I thought, "My brother, I'm not paying all this money for you to come in here and tell me I need to listen better. I need you to fix her." That's what we came for. You are way off track right now. I remember just thinking like that. I had that thought and here's something that he was teaching me through that because I'm a very literal thinker. And I'm like, when she says A, B, and C, I'm like, "You said A, B, and C." And I'm telling him, she said A, B, and C. So I was listening, modifying. I did my part. I listened. That's exactly what he said. But what he was challenging me on is he said, "You've got to listen for the emotion under the words." And I'm like, "Isn't that her job? I just need her to figure all of that out and use the right words, could we maybe do that?" He's not, "No, no, here's what you have to do. You have a responsibility to understand that when people are saying something or doing something and maybe it hits you wrong or maybe you don't like it, you need to know that there's almost always an emotion under the surface. And if you and I are going to love people the way God has called us to live, to where I got you on a technicality. No, let me rewind the tape. I love that commercial where they throw the flag. You don't want to see the instant replay. Man, what I would not do to have that in my marriage. I would love to have that.

No, we're going to run it back right now. We're going to watch the tape. I'd love to be able to do that. But instead, no, it's not about the technicality. It's about going, you know what? That's coming from somewhere. I love you. I value you. So let me try and find out what's going on beneath the surface. Because if you can understand what they're feeling, you will have a better shot at understanding why they're saying or doing what they're saying and doing. Here's another way to say it. Find the fields before debating the facts. We have to be better at listening. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't assign motives. But the guy at my work, foul mouth. Oh, that lady in the office, always gossiping. Always, what's going on on the inside? Why are they doing what they're doing? Don't always assume that you know what's in their heart or their mind. Listen to James 1.19. My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be quick to listen, quick to listen. Slow to speak and slow to become angry. Romans 15 verse five. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement

give you the same attitude of mind towards each other that Christ Jesus had. He knew that we would have difficult relationships. Verse six, he's saying, let us be like Jesus so that with one mind and one voice, you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, except one another then. Just as Christ accepted you, don't lose sight of the fact that God doesn't look at you and go perfection. Everybody else issues. He doesn't do that. He looks at you and he goes, bless their heart. They need some love. They need some patience. They need some compassion. I'm gonna have to give them an extra dose here or just some mercy. That's the way he looks at you. And he says, that's the way we're supposed to look to others. We need to lean in, listen up, try to connect before we correct. And if we're as committed to connecting with one another, loving one another, as we are to prove our point, there'd be a lot less fighting and bickering. Let me give you this third, and this is gonna be the final one that I'll give you here. So let me just give this one 'cause some of you on those first two, like that didn't help me a bit. That's because number three is for you.

That's what we've been waiting for. We've been trying to get right here just for you. Number three, speak the truth in love. Because on a message like this, sometimes we could hear and think, I'm supposed to just be a doorman. I'm supposed to, this is what it looks like to be like Jesus. Walk all over me. Just I just gotta be sweet, just nice. And y'all are all acting crazy, but I'm just supposed to take it. I'm just supposed to, this looks like Jesus. No, sometimes you need to speak the truth, but you need to speak the truth in love. Well, you need to always speak the truth. Sometimes you need to speak up as you're speaking the truth, but you need to speak it in love. Ephesians 4.15 says, instead speaking the truth in love, here's what happens. We will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ. Speaking truth, absolutely. How we say what we say is so important. Why we say what we say is so important. I'm not saying don't speak up. I'm just saying speak the truth and do it with love. Proverbs 12.18 says, "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

Too many of us are way too careless with our words. Way too careless with our words. They're hurtful, they're harmful. You may even have a point. You may have something valid to say, but if you're not careful how you say it, it can cut. It can hurt instead of help or heal. It's like the man that mad at his wife, arguments wife, they're always fighting the man. Said, what I can't understand is why and how God made you so beautiful and so dumb at the same time. Can you believe he said that? She looked back and said, that's easy, he made me beautiful so that you be attracted to me and he made me dumb. So I'd be attracted to you. Listen, both of them may have had a point. I don't know. You just gotta be careful with your words. Speak the truth in love. There will certainly be some times as husband as wife or with a parent. got to address an issue, but you can address an issue without attacking a person. The Bible teaches us how we go about showing love is so important and some people just have that mindset, that mentality, "Well I'm just a straight shooter, I don't beat around the bush, I call it like it is, that's just who I am, no you're me, you need Jesus, you need to be nice, don't blame it on the purg, way I was raised, we just call it like it is." Well the way the Bible reads it is you speak the truth in love.

When you're offensive, when you're harsh with people, they become naturally defensive. That won't help resolve conflicts, it will make it worse, be kind, be caring, be loving, be patient. You say, "Well Scotty, what if I do all of that and they don't change?" Remember what Paul said of being as far as it depends on you. My question today is not, "Hey is what I've given you right here, do you think that's going to change that person, that's not the goal?" My question is what we're seeing from the Word of God today, is there anything about that that's speaking to your heart on what you can do as far as it depends on you? I don't know what difficult relationship you find yourself in, but I do know this, we serve the God of hope. We serve the God of the miraculous. We serve a God of restoration and reconciliation, it's the whole basis of what he did with us and for us and boy was there a chasm and yet he made up the difference and he gives us that same Holy Spirit inside of us, that same power to love, that same power to show mercy, that same power to show forgiveness, that same power to show patience and love people. You may love somebody, not only right back into right relationship with you, you may be able to love somebody right into the kingdom of God. You and I have responsibility. I just want to pray over you today, if you bow your heads and close your eyes, don't want to pray first for anybody who's just going through a difficult relationship, so if you say, "Scottie, I need the Lord's help, I need God to go before me because this relationship is strained, maybe it's severed, maybe you haven't talked in years, maybe it's just something that's just frustrating, but you just need God to help." Would you slip up your hand all over the room, just raise up and say, "Yeah, I've got a difficult one, I've got a difficult one." So many hands, Lord, I just pray in Jesus' name today, that you speak to each heart and give them hope, that you're in control, that you're at work, and you can do what nobody else can do as we look to you and trust you as we follow your word and follow your plan,

we know that you'll help us. I pray, Lord, for restoration and reconciliation. Right now, before I pray for this next thing, I would even say, if the Holy Spirit speaks to your heart about your next move, be courageous and take it. Maybe that you send a text, that you make a phone call, that you go out for a coffee, maybe you initiate an apology, you just take the road of humility. It may be that you don't even say anything, but just with your actions, in the office or in the neighborhood, you just begin to show more love and kindness. Take your next move, whatever it is. Head still bowed. I still close. I want to pray for one other group. This would be anybody and everybody who, if you were a gut level, honest, you'd have to acknowledge you're not right with God. Maybe you've never committed your life to Christ, maybe at one point, you did, but life is happening, you've gotten off track, and you realize today that you need to come home. The story of the gospel is this, is that God loves you so much that He sent Jesus Christ, His only Son to die on the cross for your sin and mine. Hear this. He died for you because He wants you to live with Him. He came from heaven to earth so that when you leave earth, you can go to heaven. Whether you will or not depends on your choice, your decision to receive His forgiveness and grace and to make Him the Lord of your life. So I'm going to pray. If you say, "Scottie, please lead me in that prayer today," include me in that prayer today's the day, "I want to follow Jesus, I need my sins forgiven, I want to come home," without hesitation all over this room, if that's you, would you lift your hand up? Go and raise it up right now all over the room. Thank you. Thank you.

You can put it down after you raise it up. Thank you, sir. Thank you, man. Thank you. Anybody else before we pray you want to commit or recommit your life to Christ, I'll lead you in a prayer. Anyone else? Thank you. I see you. Thank you. Let's all pray this prayer together. with all of your hearts, say dear God. come into my heart and be Lord of my life. In Jesus' name we pray, and everybody said, "Amen, let's thank the Lord for saving souls today." Hey friends, I just wanted to spend a second with you at the end of this message today and just encourage you if in some way you've made a spiritual decision. Maybe you've given your life to Christ. Today you've recently given your life to Christ. You want to talk to somebody about giving your life to Christ. Our team would love to help you. We're on the Pando app and have several ministries into various prisons because God has called us to you. We have a heart for forgotten people and forgotten places and that means we serve widows and we serve orphans and we serve special needs kids and God has given us a heart for men and women in the prison system because I believe Jesus died for you. He has a plan and a purpose for your life and we want to help you know that and discover that. There is an address on the screen that you can communicate with us. We have a team of people that would love to hear from you, especially if you've made a decision to follow Jesus so that we can resource you and point you to tools that can help you grow. Just know that we're praying over you and we're genuinely honored that you've taken time to watch our channel and these messages from North Place Church.