How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You | En Fuego | Pastor Mike Breaux

Hey guys, thanks for checking out this Bible teaching. Every week we release a podcast that corresponds to the sermon. It's like a little bit of a deeper dive, where we hit some things that didn't make it into the sermon, some theological concepts. We talk about things that are going on in our culture and how to think about them from a biblical perspective. We call that podcast Live Free. An episode releases every Monday that corresponds to the sermon. If you would like to check out Live Free, just go to the Lake Point YouTube channel and look for the podcast tab there. We'll see you at Live Free now. Enjoy this Bible teaching. What's up, everybody? Great to see you all. Welcome to Lake Point. Glad you're here. If it's your first time here, I'm super excited that you guys would show up today and brave the elements and come. If you're at one of our campuses, or maybe you're joining us online this weekend, man, super grateful for y'all too. I know that God is going to speak to your heart today. My name is Bro, by the way, and I get to be on the teaching team here. It's one of the great honors of my life to get to do this. We're in this little four-part series all about fire, and we're calling it En Fuego. Next weekend, we're going to really unpack what I think is a very cool fire story from the pages of the Bible. We're going to talk about you and me being consumed by God and by life and passion. Week number four, we're going to talk about how sometimes we go through the fire and we get refined by that fire. If you were with us last week, you know that these first two weeks, we're talking all about

a fire called anger. Let me just ask you as we get started here today, how'd you do this past week? Did you do better? Were you able to reflect before you automatically reacted? Did you pause and think, hang on a second, what's really going on inside of me? Did you sense the Holy Spirit saying to you, come on, gentle answer, turns away wrath, a gentle answer, turns away wrath, come on, calm down right now, hold your tongue, hold your mouth. I got a friend who started saying actual phrases that Jesus said. For instance, he encountered a difficult neighbor and he said to himself, love your neighbor as yourself. Then his wife asked him to do something. He was really into a project and she asked him to do something unrelated to his project. Instead of grumbling, he said to himself, if someone asks you to go one mile, go with them two. Then he was on the interstate and there was a huge flashing yellow arrow telling everybody to merge over and everybody was slowing down and getting over in the right lane. He looks in his side view mirror and sees this guy who is going to pass everybody and break line. He slides over, blocks the guy and says, get thee behind me, Satan. So he's making progress. It's slow, but he's making progress. The fact is we all deal with anger. I mean, some of y'all told me last weekend, man, I felt like God was talking directly to me. Or you said, man, I really needed to hear that. Well, you need to know this. God made me listen to it four times. I need to hear that. Anybody like me last week, hear those words from our key verses from James chapter one

where it said, understand this my dear brothers and sisters. We all must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry for human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Now when you and I come to God, we come as we are and God meets us right in the middle of our mess. I mean, he loves us as is. You need to know that. But you also need to know he loves us way too much to leave us there. And God wants to turn you and me into his best version of us. And when unhealthy anger controls our lives, we just never will be. So we're talking about it for a couple of weeks here. On January the 25th, 1999, a guy named Matthew Scott was the very first American to undergo a hand transplant and it happened at Jewish hospital in Louisville, Kentucky. And even though the hand donor was supposed to be anonymous, even to Scott, it was revealed that the hand came from Glenn William Johnson, who was a convicted murderer who had taken his own life in prison just a few days before the operation. So Matthew Scott now has attached to his wrist the hand of a murderer. But you know what? That hand isn't going to make him behave any differently because the source of murder isn't in the hand. It's the anger raging in the heart. We saw these words of Jesus last weekend when he said, you have heard that our ancestors were told you must not murder. If you commit murder, you're subject to judgment. But I say, even if you are angry with someone, you're subject to judgment. If you call someone an idiot, you're in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger. The danger of the fires of hell. So here Jesus telling us it's all about what lies beneath. It's all about the condition of our heart.

It's not only out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, it's also out of the overflow of the heart the hands murder. Out of the overflow of the heart the hands abuse. Out of the overflow of the heart the hands steal. Out of the overflow of the heart the hands take another person's spouse. It all comes from the heart. It's why we said last weekend you gotta go to God and say that prayer, search me oh God and know my heart. Is there anything unhealthy lurking in here? Is there anything offensive that needs to go? Is there some unresolved anger in there that's just doing a number on my spiritual, on my emotional, on my relational, on my physical health? What is it that lies beneath? Well today Jesus dies even deeper. Check out what he goes on to say in Matthew five. So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar, go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. When you're on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise your accuser may hand you over to the judge who will hand you over to an officer and you will be thrown into prison. And if that happens, you surely won't be free again

until you have paid the last penny. So there is a combustible kind of anger that we talked about last week and there's also a smoldering kind. And according to Jesus, if you and I don't deal with that, it will lock us up in a self-imposed prison of bitterness. Let me show you again another key verse from last weekend. Ephesians four, verse 26 to 27. And don't sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry for anger gives a mighty foothold to the devil. This is echoing these words of Jesus when he said, if you don't deal with this and deal with it quickly, you're allowing Satan to set up like base camp in your soul. And before you know it, this unresolved smoldering kind of anger now has morphed into a deep, deep bitterness that has you all locked up. You see our enemy has a strategy with all this. He wants you and me to either deny the anger or to dwell on the anger. And what he really loves to do is get us swinging back and forth like a pendulum. Deny, dwell, deny, dwell, deny, dwell. If you deny it, you're gonna be filled with all kinds of dishonesty and insecurity and anxiety and fear and envy and rage and codependency, depression, et cetera, et cetera. If you dwell on it, if you let it smolder inside of you, you're always fostering hate and resentment,

always planning a payback, seeking revenge, wanting the worst to happen to the other person. Then you become like this volcano full of hidden, smoldering, molten lava, ready to erupt at any moment. That's his strategy. He wants to get us swinging back and forth. Deny, dwell, deny, dwell, deny, dwell. And as we do that, it slowly kills us and those around us. It's why Jesus wants to take you and me to what lies beneath and says, don't deny it, don't dwell it, don't dwell on it, let's deal with it. Let's deal with it. And that may mean having some honest conversations. It may mean having some long overdue apologies that need to happen. It may mean that you just blow off steam with God like David does in the book of Psalms. It may mean humbling yourself and inviting some accountability in your life. It may mean unpacking some of this stuff with a counselor or joining an anger support group or working the recovery steps through regen. But you and I have to stop denying and dwelling and we got to deal with it. And like we said last weekend, the really good news is the Holy Spirit of God will help you do this. He has the power to transform any angry heart. Plus, He really wants to. And if we will cooperate with the transformation

He wants to do in us, if we will embrace the freedom that comes through forgiveness, He will replace that anger in our hearts with stuff like love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and gentleness and faithfulness and self-control. And He wants to do it because unresolved anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. We will never become God's best version of us if we just let it smolder. So we got a lot of ground to cover today and we're going to go deep today, I'm just telling you. And there's a ton of scriptures you're going to see today. So like we said last week, Take a screenshot with your phone or jot them down as fast as you can But here's a key verse for those of us who might have a smoldering anger inside of us and not only is this a key verse This is literally a key that unlocks the prison of bitterness Colossians chapter 3 verse 13 says you must make allowance for each other's faults and Forgive the person who offends you remember the Lord forgave you So you must forgive others Let me read that again You must make allowance for each other's faults and forgive the person who offends you remember the Lord forgave you So you must forgive others you catch the language there. I must not I might not I should not I ought to I Must forgive others freedom and wellness comes with no other option if you and I want to walk free we must Take this step now. I want to talk about how how we do this, but before we get to how let's ask why Why must I forgive those who have hurt me? Well, the very first thing comes from mine comes from that scripture because God has forgiven me Remember the Lord has forgiven you so you must forgive others if I've invited God into my life

if I have turned my life and will over the care and control of Jesus Christ if I'm Experiencing his incredible grace and forgiveness for my truckload of sin Then I must now extend the same kind of grace and forgiveness to other people Romans chapter 2 verse 4 says don't you realize how kind how tolerant how patient God has been with you Or don't you care? Can't can't you see how kind he has been and giving you time to turn from your sin Gang you've got if God has given me his grace When I deserved his anger and his wrath and his justice Then who am I to withhold grace from those who have hurt me when I'm reminded of how much I've been forgiven It makes makes it much easier for me to forgive other people because I see that I will never have to forgive somebody else Anymore than what God has already forgiven me Now, I know some of y'all might be thinking I hear you bro, but man They owe me My parents hurt me bad. They owe me though. Those kids at school. They owe me My brother owes me that old boyfriend owes me my spouse owes me my in-laws Oh mean that that boss owes me if I let him off the hook. It just would not be fair They will pay Well, we saw this take out the garbage verse last week and again from Ephesians 4 where Paul said get rid of all bitterness rage Angers harsh words and slander as well as all types of malicious behavior. He said take that garbage to the curb instead Be kind to each other tender-hearted forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Here's the deal you and I owed God and Aren't you glad he didn't give us fair? Instead he gave us his son and he assumed the guilt and he paid the debt that our sins had racked up and that's just not fair But still our human nature Rears his ugly head and we cry out for justice revenge Retribution. I mean, let's be honest. We get an adrenaline rush Don't we watching those movies where the really evil guy gets paid back? I mean you go to a Carrie Underwood concert, you know, what song every woman's belting out It ain't Jesus take the wheel. I'm telling you that it's I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up

Four-wheel-drive carved my name into his leather seats I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights slashed a hole in all four tires Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats and every woman's got their cell phone out lights on they're singing everywhere. Yeah We get easily deceived into thinking that true release real freedom it lies in sweet revenge Man it's such a lie Which is the second reason I must forgive Because bitterness is stupid Bitters a stupid Job 5 2 says this resentment kills a fool and envy slays the simple Bitterness just plain stupid and it caused you to do stupid things. It's irrational. It's unhealthy. It's unproductive and did I mention stupid? Job 18 4 says you're only hurting yourself with your anger You're stewing and spewing all upset about something somebody who hurt you maybe 10 20 30 years ago They may have even forgotten or even passed away now, but in your smoldering anger, you're allowing them to continue to hurt you Listen resentment can't change the past It can't change the problem. It can't change the pain. It can't change the other person. It only hurts you Somebody all in the business world. You're familiar with doing and you know what you call a cost-benefit analysis where you like weigh the effort and the man-hours and The cost of materials compared to your return on investment. Well a while back I Searched through the scriptures and I did a little cost-benefit analysis on bitterness The results are in huge cost zero benefits Here's what I found Bitterness blinds us spiritually According to 1st John chapter 2 if we continue to hold grudges and hate other people we spend our whole lives stumbling around in the dark Bitterness also messes with our prayers According to Mark chapter 11 and Peter 1st Peter chapter 3 our lack of grace filled communication with other people affects the way we converse with God Bitterness also steals our freedom. We read that when Jesus said those words in Matthew chapter 5 and over in Matthew chapter 18 He tells us that bitterness can become our our own

Prison when our hearts are filled with hatred and revenge and smoldering anger when we say man They ought to lock up that guy and throw away the key You know who really gets locked up And sometimes it can be a life sentence Bitterness also can change our personalities David over and Psalm 73 talks about how his bitterness Brought out all these animalistic instincts. He says I became like an ignorant brute beast and It's very well documented that bitterness. It just destroys our health I mean It's been my experience and all kinds of research backs this up that a lot of people are sick or stay sick Because of unresolved anger and bitterness in their lives You see it's not so much what you eat But what eats you That'll kill you and I've watched way too many people who refuse to let go of the relational scars and wounds They won't give up their right to get even they cannot let go of the past They cannot let go of the pain and bitterness literally eats them alive Job chapter 21 says some may stay healthy until the day they die They die happy and at ease others Have no happiness at all They live and die with bitter hearts You want that inscribed on your tombstone? He lived she lived and died with a bitter heart I'm just telling you unforgiveness is a really bad option There's a huge cost to it with zero benefit, which makes it a stupid choice on The other hand forgiveness, even though it will cost you it'll cost you some humility. It'll cost you some courage It has all kinds of benefits attached. It is such a healthy and free way To live your life. I mean this life is short. Don't you want to live it free? So some of you might be familiar with the big book of a a which drew its principles from Scripture in chapter 6 specifically pages 83 and 84 it has what they call the promises and it's all around this forgiveness making amends step

These are the benefits of forgiveness. There's new freedom and there's happiness. There's liberation and joy No more regrets. You're not hiding from the past anymore. You got serenity. You got peace And it's a piece that the Bible says you can't even explain that there's there's a loss of self-pity Uselessness and victimization they start to disappear and you begin to focus on other people In fact, it just feels weird being selfish anymore. You have a changed attitude. There's a fundamental shift in your outlook on life There's freedom from fear. There's a newfound confidence in you. There's this intuitive guidance The handle difficult situations now because there is divine help you realize that God is inside of you going to work doing for you What you could never do for yourself While there is a tremendous cost and zero benefits attached to bitterness the benefits of forgiveness, man They are so life-changing So there's why We must forgive. So how how do you practically do this? How do you and I extend forgiveness to those who have hurt us well, I think just like in everything I'm talking everything You start By inviting God into the process You pray that search me old God kind of prayer and maybe you grab a pen and a piece of paper or journal or you? Grab a laptop and you just write down a prayer and it might go like something like this in your own words But God I just I just want to thank you for your kindness and your patience and your grace toward me and I admit that I haven't shown the same kind of grace toward those who have hurt me Instead I have let my anger smolder and I've held on to my bitterness and I've my thirst for revenge For like way too long. So I'm just asking for your help right now Please bring to mind all the people That I need to forgive So I can do this and walk free Then you start to list all the names of people who come to your mind. It's been my experience if a name comes to your mind just write it down. They may or may not need forgiveness from you. They may be a totally innocent party but their name may lead you to a story

that may take you deeper into discovering the real who who needs forgiveness from you. And also a lot of times we hang on things and we punish ourselves for the wrong choices we made in life. So as you're listing names make sure you write down at the bottom of your list myself because like unresolved bitterness unresolved guilt and shame can also eat you alive. And forgiving yourself is embracing the truth that God through Jesus Christ has already forgiven you. And if God forgives you you can forgive yourself. I mean Jesus said one time those who have been forgiven much man they love much and people who find it hard to forgive usually don't feel very forgiven themselves. But those who know that they've been touched by the grace of God they find it much easier to be gracious toward other people. I also think as you do this as you're making your list you write right down at the bottom of your list all the all these names write down God. Now obviously God doesn't need forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong. But sometimes we harbor some anger some disappointment some disillusionment maybe some resentment bitterness against him. Maybe he didn't do what we wanted him to do or maybe he didn't do it in the way we thought he should have. Or we said if you cared about me this never would have happened. And those feelings of resentment can throw up a wall so we just got to let that go and say as we start this process father I don't understand everything in life that's happened to me and I know we live in a broken world and I also know that I am not exempt from the fall out of it. So I'm just going to trust your heart I'm going to trust your wisdom I'm going to trust your better view from above and I'm going to trust your unfailing love for me. Now as you prepare to do this let me tell you what forgiveness is not.

Forgiveness first of all is not forgetting. Some flippantly say ah forgive and forget man you can't forget. I mean hurts leave scars and sometimes they even leave constant daily reminders because of the situation their actions have placed you in. So it's not just as simple as ah forgive and forget. And forgiveness is not saying no big deal. It was a big deal it hurt. Forgiveness doesn't pretend that the pain isn't real. So you don't excuse it you don't minimize it you don't rationalize it. Forgiveness also is not a feeling and this is huge. Forgiveness is a choice it's a decision of your will. You don't wait till you feel like forgiving. It's not based on feelings. It's a decision to surrender to the authority and leadership of God. He asked you and me to do this. So to do this is a step of obedience and since God requires us to forgive it's something that we can do. He's not going to ask you to do something he won't help you do. So you don't wait until you feel like forgiving because I'm telling you you're never going to get there. You make the hard choice even when you don't feel like it because once you choose to forgive God will start the process of healing your damaged emotions. And as you do this as you forgive make sure you forgive from the heart because that's where that stuff is. And you allow God to bring to the surface all the painful memories and acknowledge how you honestly feel toward those who have hurt you. And I know being a guy that's hard for some of us guys to do. We don't like to think about feelings and stuff but listen to me guys if we don't humble ourselves and do this we just stay stuck. If forgiveness doesn't touch the emotional core of your soul it will be incomplete. Too often we're afraid of the pain so we just bury those emotions deep down inside of us. In this process let God just bring them out. That's why there's usually tears involved in this process.

You acknowledge the very real hurt. You acknowledge the pain even the hate that's living there so that you can forgive from a clean heart. Now when you start this process just know this it's not always possible profitable or advisable to go back to somebody who's hurt you. Some people have changed. Some have moved away. Some have even passed away. Some don't even know that they hurt you. So for you to show up 30 years later and say you did this to me would probably do a lot more damage than good. In those cases things I've done you use an empty chair and you act like that person's sitting in an empty chair and you just talk honestly to them or you write a letter a letter that you never send and I've done both these things. I've had friends who have visited tombstones and had a heart-to-heart right there in the cemetery. The point is to get honest. It's okay to unload on that chair. It's okay to unload in that letter that you never sent and then you You end it by saying, but starting today, I forgive you. You see, forgiveness is God's way of ending that perpetual cycle of abuse. Again, you might say, but bro, come on, you don't know how much they hurt me. And you're right, I don't. But until you let go of that anger, that person is allowed to keep hurting you. We can't hit rewind and undo the past, but we can walk free from it. You really can stop the pain. And the only way to do it is to forgive from the heart. You do this for your sake. You see, forgiveness is giving up your right to get even.

You release that person to God and you let God go to work on that person. You let him or her off of your hook because as long as you refuse to forgive somebody, you're still hooked to that person. You're still chained to your past. You're bound up in your bitterness. So you give up your right to get even and you just let God deal with that person. Romans 12 tells us this, never pay back evil for evil to anybody. Do things in such a way that everyone can see that you are honorable. Do your part, live in peace with everyone as much as possible. Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it's written, I'll take vengeance, I'll repay those who deserve it, says the Lord. So you give up your perceived right to get even and you just let God deal with them. And listen, don't wait for that person to ask you for your forgiveness. There's a little groveling pride thing going on there. You make the decision first. I mean, Jesus modeled that on the cross, didn't he? When he said, Father, forgive them because they don't know what they're doing. Also growing up with a former alcohol abuser, a compulsive gambler,

sometimes out of control in lots of different ways, I learned that forgiveness is also agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. There's a harsh reality of life. Imperfect people make mistakes and imperfect people hurt imperfect people and the consequences always have this ripple effect. So here's the deal. We're gonna have to live with the consequences anyway, whether we like it or not. So the only choice you and I have is whether we will live in the bondage of unresolved anger and bitterness or in the freedom of forgiveness. It's our choice to walk out of a life of victimization. I've also learned in this forgiveness deal that I gotta forgive often. I gotta forgive often. I mean, one time, one of Jesus' followers asked him, so, okay, so I need to know this. How many times I gotta forgive that person? Like, are we talking seven? And Jesus smiled and said, I'm talking 70 times seven. And Jesus chooses a never-ending number saying to us, you're gonna need to do this for the rest of your life because memories come back and you run into people from time to time and you might have to deal with an ex-spouse and when they pull in the driveway, it just brings back all those old feelings.

It might be hard to let your kids get in the car with them. That's why forgiveness is a lifestyle. It's a spiritual discipline of releasing that anger again and again and again and releasing the other person to God. I know I've gotta forgive often. I also know that forgiveness is choosing not to hold somebody's sin against them anymore. Now, let me just throw in a huge qualifier here. It doesn't mean that you continue to put up with future sin of other people. You don't allow yourself to continually be abused by others. You set healthy boundaries and a Christian counselor could help you do that while at the same time, you start learning how to exercise grace and forgiveness for your own sake. So you sit down, you compile your list and as you get to that first person, you make the choice to forgive him or her for every painful memory that comes to your mind. You focus on that person until you know that you have dealt with all the remembered pain and you release them to God and start working your way down the list. And again, as you begin forgiving people, God may bring to mind some pretty painful memories. Let him do it, even if it hurts because he really wants you to be free and forgiving those people is the only way to walk free.

Now, don't try to excuse their behavior. Don't transfer their sin onto yourself. Well, it really was kind of all my fault. If I'd just been a better, don't do that. And don't say, God, help me forgive them. He's already helping you in this process. And don't say, God, I want to forgive. You say, God, I choose. I choose to forgive so-and-so for what they have done or failed to do, which made me feel, bleh, I choose not to hold onto this resentment anymore. Thank you for forgiving me and setting me free from the bondage of my bitterness. I give up my right to get even and I ask you to heal my damage to me. Now, I know I'm totally dating myself, but growing up, I used to love the old Andy Griffith show. It's an old show in black and white. You can find it on TV land, cable channel. My grandkids loved this show in black and white. It was set in a little town called Mayberry, and there was Sheriff Andy Taylor, and had Barney Fife, the deputy. There was Floyd the barber, and Goober the mechanic, and Aunt Bea, and Opie, played by a young Ron Howard. And there was this reoccurring character named Otis. He was known as the town drunk. Now, that's not real PC, but this show was in the 60s. And Otis would stumble into the jail. He'd walk into a cell, and they would lock the door behind him, and then hang the keys

right up outside the door, so that he could reach through the bars anytime, unlock himself, and leave whenever he wanted to. And the keys are hanging right outside your cell. Just refuse to be locked up in bitterness anymore. Do this. Choose to forgive. Walk out of the prison of resentment and anger and be free, like today. Now if you want that kind of freedom to be a reality for you, there's also a second part to this process. You've got to make amends of those that you have hurt in some way. Again, go back to Romans 12, where it says, love must be sincere, honor one another above yourselves, bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse, live in harmony with one another. If it is possible, as far as it depends upon you, live at peace with everyone. As far as it depends upon you, you try to make things right. Colossians 3.15, kind of a cool little verse that says, let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. And the word used here for rule literally means umpire or referee. So as you start this process of seeking forgiveness, you let the peace of Christ be the referee. You let Jesus go to the replay monitor with you and review things with you. So as you seek forgiveness, you can go humbly with a heart that is ruled, not by excuses, not by justification, not by defensiveness, not by self-preservation, but a heart that's ruled by the peace of God. So how do you do this part? How do you now seek forgiveness and make amends with people? First of all, make sure you've already done the first part of this step, that you have forgiven other people for what they may have done to you. And once you've extended grace, you can seek it. So again, I think you make a list and you write down, who did I hurt? What did I do?

Why did I do it? And what happened as a result? Can't think of anybody? I thought you might say that. Let me give you some helpful memory jostlers to get you started. Is there anyone I owe a debt to that I haven't repaid? Is there anybody like I've broken a promise to? Is there anybody I've been guilty of over-controlling? Anybody I've been harsh with, like my wife or my husband, my sister, my child, my parent, my employee, a friend, anybody I've been hypercritical of? Anybody I've been verbally abusive toward or physically abusive toward or emotionally abusive toward? Anybody I've been unfaithful to? Is there anybody I've taken for granted? Anybody I've lied to? Anybody I've stolen? Is this enough to get you started or do I need to keep going? Jesus asked, who did I hurt? What did I do? What happened as a result of what I did? That helps for your apology to be heartfelt and sincere because you have humbly and honestly, you have thought through your motives and the pain that it might have caused them. Let me give you an example. Maybe you write down, who did I hurt? I hurt my co-worker, Jill. What did I do? I hurt Jill with some untrue slander at work. Why did I do that? Because of my own insecurity and envy of Jill's talent and success. What were the consequences of that?

It caused other people to question her character and made the climate so uncomfortable that Jill eventually resigned. So now when I go to make amends to Jill, I not only remember what I did, I not only know why I acted that way, but now I can feel Jill's pain and apologize with humility and deep sincerity. One more. Maybe you write down, who did I hurt? My wife. What did I do? Blew up again, called her a really bad name, slammed the door, left for a while, slept on the couch. Why did I do that? Caused my tempers out of control, got a bunch of unresolved anger, guilt, and bitterness in my life, and it just leaks out. What were the consequences? Her self-esteem was shattered. Her anxiety levels raised to the point of fear. It created some trust issues, and now there's like a wall between us. So now when I go to her, I can acknowledge and own my part in all this, and I can say, I am deeply, deeply grateful. be sorry, not just because I don't like sleeping on the couch, not just because I kind of want the marriage to work better, but because I can now feel how deeply I have hurt her. Listen to me. There are people in your life that need to hear you say, I am so, so sorry. Not because you got caught, not because it's making things uncomfortable for you, but because you hurt them. So you think through exactly how you will ask those that you have hurt to forgive you. You pray, God, if somebody were coming to me, how would I like to be approached? And you let those famous words of Jesus kind of guide your game plan where he said, do to others as you would have them do to you.

And you find the right timing and you find the right place to approach them. And you just take ownership and you label your actions as wrong. And you be specific and you admit what you did. You don't make excuses. You don't blame anybody else. And this is super important. Don't expect any kind of reaction. Don't expect them to forgive you. That doesn't matter. You're just cleaning your side of the ledger. You can't fail if you make amends with a humble, loving, genuine, repentant attitude. As far as it depends upon you, live at peace with everyone. And this part does depend upon you. My buddy, Keith, that I've talked about before, he was working through steps and I think he's 12 years sober now and he's just a great dude. But when he was doing the making amends and the forgiveness part, he went back to where he grew up and he had a crazy, crazy childhood and stuff. And he went back to his hometown just outside of Memphis, Tennessee, and he did that where he went to cemeteries and he just talked to tombstones and forgave people and said, would you forgive me because I wasn't a very good guy. He drove by his old house he grew up in and just same thing, forgave people and then also asked for forgiveness for things he had done. He just drove around town doing that. And then he went to a house and he knocked on the door and a guy opened the door, this older guy opens the door and Keith said, hey, you don't know me. My name is Keith. I used to live down the street from you when I was a kid. And when I was 18 years old, I'm the guy that broke into your house and stole your bass guitar. And I sold that guitar to get drug money.

And I just wanted to stop by and tell you how sorry I am for doing that. And man, it's a, I'm 50 now. So I was doing the math and I think the interest on that would be about, is $2,000 okay? And the guy, 2,000 bucks, that's what it means. Just go back and ask for forgiveness. Say I was wrong. And I think you ought to go back and ask forgiveness in person if that's possible. Again, it may not be possible and it may not be profitable to either party. I mean, in some situations you don't want to go back because it would just reopen like a whole can of worms and make the situation worse. Like you don't want to seek out an old boyfriend or old girlfriend that's now married. Like there's an innocent party now. If you were involved in like some kind of affair, you don't need contact with that person. So again, you use the empty chair, you write the letter that you never send, and once you sincerely seek forgiveness, you're free. Whether that person forgives you or not. And you know what? You might not be reconciled because here's the truth. Reconciliation takes two people. Forgiveness, it just takes one. You're just doing what God asked you to do. It's about being humble and vulnerable so that you can walk free. So there's your homework for this week. Offer forgiveness. Seek forgiveness. Block out some time and start this process this week. In fact, today would be a really good day. And cooperate with God as you deal with any kind of smoldering anger, because if you want to walk free, if you want to walk free, if you want to know real joy, if you want to know peace, if you want to be filled with light, there's no other option.

You have to do this. You have to do this. I got to be honest with you, you're going to have a tough time ever forgiving until you experience forgiveness yourself. And I know this is deep stuff today, and I know that God has been speaking to some of your hearts. And I know that the Father is saying to some of you all, just come home and let me love you. Would you let me forgive you? Would you let me lead you and set you free? Because those who have been forgiven much, man, they love much. So today, like right now, you can surrender your life. To the carrying control of Jesus Christ the one who went to a cross to nail your sin and pass there you could be forgiven today You could invite him today to do what he's always wanted to do to forgive you to love you to lead your life To change your heart Father right now. I just want to pause and thank you for all of this Thank you that you've given us the pathway to walk free and be full of joy and peace Get rid of all this smoldering junk that's inside of us Get rid of bitterness that controls our lives So father I pray that your Holy Spirit would go to work on us this week even right now in this moment That some in this moment say I need to give my life to Jesus Christ because I can't do this on my own And I need to be forgiven so that I can forgive I need to be forgiven right now And Father I know that this is a challenging Assignment I've done it many times and it always is hard That's always so freeing There's so many benefits to us doing what you ask us to do So God we want to do what you ask us to do this week

It's just like we prayed last week with your Holy Spirit remind us this week Come on, sit down and get this done do this do this Father even when names pop into our head this week. I pray that we would just release them to you and we we just let that go Father I thank you for the strength that you give us to do it I Thank you for the wisdom that you give us to do it And I pray for everyone here as we start to do that this week so that we can become more and more like you and You can take out our angry hearts and you can give us a heart that beats after the things in your heart beats after I pray all this in Jesus name Amen