House Rules | Part 2

♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ And to You are all things ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory of the Lord ♪ Sing. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ Come on, lift your voice today and say. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ And to You are all things ♪ If you believe He's worthy of all of it, come on, somebody offer your life, offer your heart today. Sing, you're worthy. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ Yes, you're worthy, Jesus. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ And to You are all things ♪ You deserve, sing. ♪ You deserve the glory of the Lord ♪ You're worthy, sing. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ And to You are all things ♪ Somebody start that up today, sing. ♪ You deserve the glory of the Lord ♪

You're worthy, you're worthy, Jesus. ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ You're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from You are all things ♪ ♪ And to You are all things ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory of the Lord ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ And more of You, and more of You, Jesus, sing. ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ Lord, if You want more of it. If You want more of it, open your heart today. And we'll just shout it, lift your voice and sing. ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ And more of You, Jesus, sing. ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ More of You than there's to be ♪ ♪ More of You, Jesus, sing. ♪ More of You than there's to be. ♪ Than there's to be, more of You than there's to be. ♪ ♪ More of You, Jesus, sing. ♪ ♪ More of You, more of You, more of You, Jesus. ♪ ♪ More of Your presence, more of Your glory, hey. ♪ ♪ Say, You're worthy of it all. ♪ ♪ Say, You're worthy of it all. ♪ ♪ For from You are all things, and to You are all things. ♪ ♪ For from You, for from You are all things. ♪ ♪ And to You are all things, from You are all things. ♪ ♪ And to You are all things, and to You are all things. ♪

♪ For You deserve the glory. ♪ Come on somebody, give Him all the glory. ♪ There is no way, until You make it right. ♪ ♪ Grace upon grace, hallelujah. ♪ ♪ Even though I don't deserve it, You did it. ♪ ♪ Even though I couldn't earn it, You give it. ♪ Sing it. God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you All my life All my life You've been right here by my side God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you Holy, holy There's only one I give you glory I give you glory For all that you've done Even though I don't deserve it You did it Even though I couldn't earn it You give it So who am I? Who am I? That you keep me on your mind God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you All my life All my life You've been right here by my side God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you So who am I? Who am I? That you keep me on your mind God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you All my life All my life You've been right here by my side God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you Come on, if somebody has something to be grateful for Would you let loose your prayer? And I, I'm lifting both of my hands You give me chance after chance

And I, I'm giving all that I have You give me chance after chance And I, I'm lifting both of my hands You give me chance after chance And I, I'm giving all that I have You give me chance after chance Who am I? That you keep me on your mind God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you All my life All my life You've been right here by my side God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you So who am I? Who am I? That you keep me on your mind God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you All my life You've been right here by my side God, I'm just grateful for you God, I'm just grateful for you Put your hands together You've been so good to me There were those walls that we called sin and shame They were like prisons that we couldn't escape But it came and it died and it rose Those walls are rubble now There were those giants we called death and grave They were like mountains that stood in our way But it came and it died and it rose Those giants are dead now Somebody lift up your battle cry and say That's a sweet sound today We're never that weak, that took our breath away We're free as holy, and we could barely breathe Anywhere, anywhere, everywhere is fine

Now those altars in the wilderness Tell the story, tell the story of His reign Never once, never once, never once Did He fail, and He never reign This is our God, this is our God He loves us, this is our God This is what He does, He saves us He bore the cross, He cleansed us And heaven and earth proclaim This is our God, King Jesus Who pulled me out of that pit? He did, He did Who paid for all of our sin? Nobody but Jesus Who pulled me out of that pit? He did, He did Who paid for all of our sin? Nobody but Jesus Who rescued me from that grave? Yahweh Who gets the glory and praise? Nobody but Jesus Who rescued me from that grave? Yahweh Who gets the glory and praise? Nobody but Jesus This is our God, this is who He is He loves us, this is our God This is what He does, He saves us He bore the cross, He cleansed us

And heaven and earth proclaim Say this is our God, King Jesus This is our God, this is our God This is who He is, He loves us This is our God, this is what He does He saves us, He bore the cross He bore the cross, He cleansed us And heaven and earth proclaim This is our God, King Jesus He bore the cross, He bore the cross He cleansed us, He cleansed us And heaven and earth proclaim This is our God, King Jesus Well we started the series last week How many appreciated Pastor Kerry start our series called House Rules So good And we're dealing with a series on the home And every aspect, every role in the home So that means no one under the sound of my voice Is exempt from this message Whether you're single or married And you'll understand why in just a moment But we started that series on House Rules And he talked about where it all started Was the home invasion that began With the very first family Not the first family in Washington D.C. The first family, Adam and Eve And how the invasion started

And Satan's tactic has not changed one bit From the first invasion So go back and listen to that Because it'll really give you context Of what the enemy's target is Not just for your family but for you personally How he comes after you with shame and degradation A lot of other things So be sure to listen to that one It'll give context to this But the reason that I wanted to do this sermon This series to be called House Rules Is because rules are important, aren't they? Okay, three of you think rules are important You're the ones that always cheat at games That's why Didn't say amen How many have ever had somebody start a family game Or you start a game with your friends And how many have ever heard somebody go Hey, let's just play the game Let's just not do any rules Let's just play the game You know Or, hey, let's throw in this new rule. How about we not do this? Have you ever had that happen? Now, it really sounds a lot of fun at first, doesn't it? Everybody, oh, yeah, no rules, no boundaries, yeah, no restrictions.

Let's just do what we feel. It's real fun when you start. But even take but 10 minutes into the game, and what happens? Arguments, division, someone is going to cheat in the relationship of the game. Feelings get hurt. And you know what I discovered who always wins when somebody says, I don't want any boundaries, don't want any rules. I discover who ends up winning those kind of games when you're playing board games like that. You know who wins? The person who can yell the loudest to silence everybody else. Let that sink in for a moment. Let it sink in for a moment. Because we don't want rules. We don't want instructions. Let's just have fun. Well, how many of you know about 10 minutes into the game, it just stops being fun? It stops. So why are there rules? Why are there principles? Why are there instructions? Why, when you break up that board game for your kids, you say, stick with the rules. Why do you say that? Rules don't ruin the game.

See, this is what's happening in our culture. Well, I don't want to hear about what the Bible has to say. I don't want to hear what God has to say. They're not there to ruin your life so God can wake up this morning and go, well, he doesn't ever wake up, he never sleeps. God just doesn't start the day out and go, let me see what I can do just to offend and tick Sam Ryfkoval off today. God doesn't give you rules. Rules aren't there to ruin the game. They're there to make the game work. Just slow down, everybody. The rule is there. The principles are there. The guiding rules, whether it's in life, whether it's in games, whether it's in your family, it's there to make the game work. Just everybody slow down. When you just look at the context of our culture, our country, our married lives, our family lives, your employment, they're there to make your family work. We just need to slow that down. So what it does is it actually creates fairness when you play the rules of the game. What does it do? It protects not only you as the player, it protects the other players. What it also does, it defines the roles of the player. In fact, if you follow the rules of the game,

it actually makes winning more meaningful and a sense of accomplishment when you play by the rules. Why, we don't want any rules. That rule doesn't apply. The loudest voice usually ends up winning in those kind of games. The one who can just yell and throw the biggest tantrum. All right, just let them win, we're going home. So with rules, guess what happens? In the family, when we talk about house rules and we talk families and the roles, we find out what our roles are. We understand what's fair. We find out what makes the marriage meaningful, what makes a person's life meaningful. Why? Because we wanna hear God give us the principles whereby we live. With rules, everyone knows what is expected of them, how to find meaning in life, actually how to win at relationships, how to win at them. And then guess what happens? In a family, love is actually protected instead of used to manipulate people. And as a result, peace is actually possible when conflict arises between you and your child, you and your wife, you and your neighbor. Can I just tell you this? Love and peace is actually possible.

So when someone gives you a board game, the person that created that board game probably created the rules and probably knows them better than the players. Well, I don't think the guy who made this monopoly, I don't think this is what he meant. How many of you are way ahead of me? How many already had your Starbucks? You're way ahead of me. So, you see, the principle is very, very, very clear here. When it comes to marriage, God created it, everybody. Hallmark cards did not create marriage. Hallmark movies did not create marriage. God is the creator of it, so don't you think he probably understands what makes it meaningful, what makes it win, and how to navigate it? Let me think that. So when you want to say, well, that doesn't apply to us, no, no, no. You want to win? You want to make it meaningful? Then let's go to the one who created marriage. In fact, let's just go another step further than that. If you want your personal life to win, don't go, well, I don't think that's what he meant. How about we just look at, see, people say, well, in the Greek, well, it's not the Greek I'm worried about. Some people just don't understand sixth grade English. What he said, what he was simply clear about. But when God gives us the instruction of the rules, we want to do like board games that I'll say, let's not play with your rules. Well, I will tell you, more chaos will ensue, more division will happen. And this is the reason why Sam does not rule his life.

The word of God in his spirit must rule my life because I want to know its meaning, its purpose. And when something is achieved or accomplished, I really can win even when I have setbacks in life. Can somebody say amen or oh me or something like that. So this is the reason why when God gives me an instruction, let me tell you, it's not, well, this is my opinion. God does not give you opinions. He has no guesswork when it comes on how I am to run my life. There's no guesswork for me. He makes it very clear for Sam Reifkogel. And when I changed the rules, it's usually when frustration, anxiety and panic and anger hit my life. So there's no opinions from God. There is no guesswork when it comes to God giving us instructions because God does not give opinions. He gives Sam Reifkogel the house rules for his life, for his family and how to conduct his life. Can somebody say amen on that? Hmm. Okay. So I know when I start saying house rules, everybody goes, oh, great, you're going to talk about marriage and I just want to be alone. I just want to be by myself. Every single person goes, oh, really? Seriously? How many weeks we're going to go on with this? Singles do not check out on this. Do not check on this. In fact, your pastor and the word of God can save you a lot of heartache in your life

if you'll take advantage of this series. In fact, today I'm going to be addressing husbands. God bless you brothers. I have taken this whole message and I don't even need notes. I just need a mirror. Just take a look at yourself, dude. Take a look at yourself. But I want to give, I want to give a word to single young men and single young ladies that attend the church because you're the fastest growing demographic. Your hunger to want to follow Jesus is unbelievable. You have transcended all the other generations. You are now the faithful ones that attend church now. You are, you got a hunger for Jesus. So on this one, let me just say this, young ladies, if I could just say single young ladies, no matter what your age and stage of life is, can I tell you that this teaching instead of you haven't prayed, oh God, show me if he's will, if he's the will for my life, show me if his will. I get it. You don't have to ask God to sign off, but you can find out a whole lot about the will of God by just looking at the word of God. Really you can, instead of asking God, you know, oh, let the sun rise in the East if he's the one for me and go down in the West, quit playing that game with God. Actually if you listen to God's word, he will actually show you the kind of man you want. You don't have to look for it. So I, if anybody should be taking notes, it should be single, single young ladies, find the guy you want. And guys, single young men, let me tell you, if I wish somebody would have just talked to me, I was raised in church and nobody taught me this stuff. I mean, I was in church every Sunday, every Wednesday, I was there cleaning the church and no one taught me this stuff on how to be a husband when I was being raised, nobody.

How to be a husband, how to be dad. No one was teaching me. It's, I saw the examples in my family, but no one ever sat down. So guys, I'm going to tell you, take the time to write down these things because I will save you a lot of heartache and God will save you a lot of heartache. If before you start the game, you read the. rules. Isn't that a good idea before you start the game? Well, let's find out what this game… Oh, let's just make them our own rules. No, start out. This is really going to be a blessing. Help me thank God. God is here to bless you this morning. Amen? So, when you get to talking about guys, when you're talking about husbands, I've got to talk about myself. I've got to think about this. There's a lot of stuff you can read out there. There's a lot of books, a lot of great stuff out there, great teaching, really help you, a lot of podcasts, a lot of great stuff. But what I like to do is I like to make things pretty simplified. So, how about if I just put down the one thing God expects out of you and me as husbands? Let's just start with one thing, and then we'll move from there. What's the one thing God expects from husbands? I want to give you… It's our text today. Very simple. Colossians 3.19, and we'll expound on it. But he says, husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. Love your wives. Don't treat them harshly. So, let's expand on that just a little bit. So, if I could just do this. Here's the house rule number one. It's because this series, this message is called When Love Leads. When love is the one that leads. So, let me give you the very first one. You've got to lead with unconditional love, is what he's saying. Colossians, listen. Let's read Colossians 3.19. What's the first part that says? It says, it says, husband, love your wives. Come on. Let's say it together. Husbands, love… Okay. Now, some of you guys heard that verse of Scripture, and you wanted to turn to your wife and say, you heard the man. We're going to Victoria's Secret right after this service. That is not what that love… That's not what that means there, okay? It's not what it means. All right? When we talk about unconditional love, this is love that comes from God that we learn by the example. It's love from the Lord. So, let me give you the context of what was happening when Paul, through the Holy Spirit, pinned this to those husbands, and he was giving instruction to wives, to husbands, to children. And we'll go through all that. Not today, but we'll go through

that. When the apostle Paul wrote this, I'm telling you, you could have heard a pin drop as every man's jaw and every woman's jaw dropped to the ground when he said that. Because you need to understand who was influencing those marriages and those families and those men and women then, and it was the culture. The Greek culture had a heavy influence on men. And during that time period, men had no obligation to a wife. Really, he could do what he wanted. No obligation to a wife. And he pretty much did what he would please. And responsibility in the home to the man was a foreign concept. It was a foreign concept. So, when Paul says this, he is telling those men in a culture that it's just been raised like that. Daddy did it. Daddy's dad. It was the culture. Women were subservient. Women were lower. Women were pushed to the side in that culture. And you still see some cultures doing that today. Here's what he says to that culture. He says, men, love your wives and don't love any other woman. Love your wife. Don't love any other woman. Boy, doesn't our culture need that right now? Not the Greeks then, needs it right now. I don't know why God would want another woman when he can't take her the one he's got. Why add two when you can't deal with one? I'm preaching better than everybody's letting on. But when Paul preached this, this is what's so interesting about this. It's in the Greek. You got to look at this. It's the verb that Paul used that made their jaw drop. This is what made their jaw drop because you use love and everybody's got their context of love. Don't make your own rule. Look at his rule, what love was. Back there, the Greeks were very familiar with three very prominent words for love. And the first one was eros, which is a romantic physical passion. It was merely sexual gratification. That's what it was, eros. That's where you get the word erotic. They understood eros. And they understood phileo, which is where you get the word from Philadelphia. It means friendly affection, brotherly love, sisterly love. It's just the love of friends, companionship. It's that. But then he did not use those verbs. When he said love there, love your wives, it was the word agape. And it simply meant unconditional love. So he is telling men, men lead with unconditional love in a counterculture that has no honor for women, has no respect for them, and doesn't serve them. You're going to be like Jesus with unconditional love to your wife. That's why everybody dropped their draw in that culture. And why Some people in our culture drop their jaw now. Because the other loves outside of agape love is a love if. Agape love is not love if. Well, I'll love you if you'll do this.

I'll love you if you'll perform. I'll love you if you'll like the things I like. I'll love you if you do the things I want. It's all about serving me. Or it's a love because. Well, I love you because you're beautiful and you're attractive. I love you because you make six figures. I love you because you take me on vacations. I love you because a lot of people have a lot of love based on those very things. It's a love if or a love because. But this is a love that is a love in spite of. A love in spite of. It's a love of will. It's a love that refuses to die. It's a love that when physical attraction is gone and the emotions fade, you still have this unconditional love for that person. Even when the wrinkles appear, even when something emotionally has changed, when they change, your love stays the same. I will continue to love you in spite of or because of. How many of you know that smacks against everything of the power of darkness that always has to leverage or manipulate to finally want to get something? He says, that's the way you love. It's lead with unconditional love. That's why so many people… Sometimes I end up having counseling with some people. Well, we just don't feel like we're in love anymore. We just don't feel like we're loving anymore. Well, I didn't feel like getting up to preach this morning. Sometimes I don't want to read the Bible. Sometimes I don't want to pray. Let me tell you what I discovered. It's because we just don't feel like we're in love anymore. Here's the reality. Unconditional agape love, that kind of love, you have to love your way into a feeling. Don't feel your way into love. Sometimes you have to act your way into the feeling instead of feeling your way into an action. Somewhere when you start to feel like you're loved, then you start loving back. Then you start saying, well, because now I feel like you've done… No, no, no. That's not agape love. This kind of love is you love your way into the feeling when the feeling is out there and you don't feel your way into a love. See, you choose to love when there is no feeling of love at all. Say some of you are wanting to go back to the time you were dating and you had that, you complete me moment. The leg pop. You're looking for that again. I'm going to tell you, sometimes that is not there at all. So then because that feeling is not there, you don't feel like there's no love or there's no reason to love. Just say, let love lead your feelings, not your feelings leading your love, men, even when you don't feel like there's any response back. See, because the love from the Lord, when you have that unconditional love, what happens is it causes you to actually start leading

with love. I will continue to lead in spite of what I may feel sometimes. Sometimes when I talk with married couples sometimes, one of the first complaints I'll ever hear from the wives when you have these moments is, well, pastor, he won't lead. He won't lead. Now, when we talk about leading, this kind of leading with love, we're not talking about domination. He used to be, I'm going to lead in this family. Sir, if you got to keep telling me you're the leader in your family, you're not. I'm the leader. Oh, they've hired me. You know what my title is. You're not leading. Leading is not a title. It is a function. And so many people are leading by their titles, but they have no function to get it done. We're not talking about domination. Some of the most destructive homes that I've ever seen, even in churches, are families with domineering parents that have no, or a domineering parent, but has no godly love or affection. Some of the most damaging you'll ever see. And sometimes they'll use the scripture to dominate and manipulate. This is not a function. What the Bible is talking about. Loving leadership is not domination. It is initiation. Write that down. It's not up there. Loving leadership like Jesus is not domination. It is initiation. Oh my goodness. So what does that mean? Husbands, what that means is, is you don't have to be the most spiritual. And Brenda's probably more spiritual than I am and more funnier than I am. That's true. But God God makes me responsible. God has placed within the heart of a wife and he's put within the heart of man to lead, not with domination, but with initiation. So what does that mean? That's not, well, I'm the one, the breadwinner here, and I'm the one that works all, no, no, no, no, no, no. Nobody's gonna follow you. Or at least act like you're enjoying it. It is the one that takes initiation. So I'm not asking you to be more spiritual.

You might just get saved this morning. The initiation means I wanna start moving the family direction toward the direction of me following God, and as I follow God, they wanna follow God. So what does that mean? You be the one, men, to say, let's go to church tomorrow. Let's be in the house of God. You're the one that says, hey, listen, before we have dinner, let's just show grateful. I'm just grateful to God for the food. And just a simple prayer. Guys, it means you start leading out. Hold her hand and start praying. Just lead a prayer, and I know that's so wonky for some of you guys. I get it. You feel like, well, I don't know how to pray, and you think you gotta pray in King James English. Oh, thou most holy God. Come now, therefore, I beseech thee, the oh holy God of heavens, to come down and render down and touch down my spouse. She knows you can barely put two sentences together. But it means you initiating, simply thanking God and thanking God for your family, your wife. And if there's anything going on in the family, God, help us, lead us, give me wisdom. It's a simple prayer from your heart.

And if you bumble and stumble through it, for crying out, bumble, stumble, and just pray it, because it's just taking the initiative to lead. That's all she's asking for. You may have failures in your life. She knows your shortcomings. She knows your temperament. She knows your anger. But just take the initiation to just lead. Say, we're gonna be in the house. Let's get, how can I help the kids get ready to go to church? Let's be ready. Let's start Saturday night to be ready. Just take the initiative. And ladies, when they do, don't mock them. Don't ridicule them. Oh, so now you wanna go to church because you messed up this week. Don't even do it. Don't even do it. If that's what God took to finally get his keister in church, then you say thank you for it. We've been looking forward to this. Don't you sit there and chastise him. Let him lead. And when he leads, don't sit there and start giggling at the, if he giggles, then you can giggle. If he's fumbling through the prayer,

just say, honey, thank you. Thank you for praying that prayer. Because when you start seeing that, you will see the power of God start showing him how to follow Jesus so he can lead the rest of the family. Guys, she really wants you to initiate. She wants you to initiate when it comes to the discipline of the children. That all of a sudden, let mom be the bad person. She's the one that's here with the kids. She's gonna let her do all the punishing. No, you be involved together collectively on the decisions on how we're gonna discipline the children and carry out the discipline. You get involved in the activities. Don't let her get all the activities together. Maybe once in a while, you ought to do the cooking just to see what it takes to get it done. She wants you involved in the budget. Sometimes she doesn't want you involved in the budget because I am Mr. Budget, amen, welcome. But get involved in the finances. Have a path. You say, well, the reason I don't wanna get involved in finances is because I don't wanna take responsibility and maybe you're afraid of what the finances are saying. That's the reason why we have folks here that'll help you with the budget. If you need help, get involved here. Let someone help you with the budget.

Let them get involved with you. She wants you to initiate in romance. I get it, I understand. This is the place where I need a healing really bad. You say, well, what is romance? Stop watching the reels and stop watching Hallmark. Let me just simply put where romance is. Romance is meeting a need before it's spoken. That's all it is. Before it's spoken, meet the need. And it's not rocket science, guys. It really isn't. Just out of the clear blue, a spontaneous call to her. Initiate with unconditional love. Well, she didn't do what I wanted this morning. In the middle of the day, spontaneous call. I just wanna tell you, I'm so grateful God put you in my life. That's all I got. Send a text. Well, I don't know what to write. Well, they've already put the emoji there with the smiling face and the big two heart eyes. Can't you hit that one? How hard is that for you? I'm telling you, guys, you better, young married guys who wanna get married, be writing this down. I can help you. Where's your notepad? Start writing. See that guy right there? That's the most eligible bachelor right now in the church, right there. Right there. Just want you to know. Help a brother out. That's what I'm just trying

to do. In the morning, write a note and just drop a note on her pillow. Just leave it there. If you're up early, you're up at five o'clock, just drop a note on there. Shock her. Put it on her vanity. Put it by the sink where she always brushes her teeth and gets all of her toothbrush and stuff flying across on your part of the mirror. Put it there. Show how much you love her. Show up with... I really blew it one time. When we first got married, do you remember when we went to the airport that one time? Well, a lot of times, but I remember when Brenda helped me because I didn't get this. I did not get this. I was always all business. Get the job done. Just move along. We were traveling. So we're going through the airport and there happened to be this cart, this guy selling these beautiful roses. Brenda was walking me and I said, hey, you want a rose? It was a beautiful teaching moment there at DFW airport. She helped me. She wasn't mean. She goes, Sam, listen, don't ever ask me if I want a rose, just go get it. Bring it to me. I said, you got it. That may seem, but it's a big deal. Bring an unexpected gift. Preferably not from Victoria's Secret. Think of something a little more creative. But this is what it is. See, because in our culture, what happens is there's so much manipulation that the only time someone is finally affectionate or kind is when they're trying to manipulate to get something out of you. Well, let me ask you guys. Imagine if you went to the Lord for leadership in your life and he led you the way you're leading your wife. That's the only time he ever comes to you is when he wants something out of you. This is what calls. This is what God gives us the ability to lead like the Lord, which gives us the ability to initiate, to lead in love. Amen. Let me give you the second thing. I'm going to kind of try a flight of these next two. The second thing is second rule is lead with understanding love. Everybody say understanding. That's a good one. Let's go to that verse again. It says, husbands love your wives and never treat them harshly. That word harshly, some strangely said, don't get in embittered where you're letting bitterness start to rise because something's not going the way you want. That word harshly means to make bitter, to be sharp in your response, to be angry in your response. And sometimes you get that because you get exasperated. You're tired of things. You get frustrated. That word harshly means don't. That means just, you want to just throw in the towel and just forget it. I'll just be honest with you. Sometimes the people we love the most, we get the most

impatient with everybody. We do, whether you're a man or a woman, the people we love the most. And I'll tell you, you really want to know what makes men impatient. You want to know what makes men frustrated and angry. You want to know ladies, anything we don't understand. It frustrates us, makes us sharp. We don't understand. So real quick, if you're a husband or you want to be a husband, raise your hand. Okay. You're a husband. You want to be a husband. Okay. You better remember this. There are only two ways to handle a woman. Unfortunately, no man on the planet knows what those two things are. Okay. We don't have a clue. We don't have a clue. We have a clue. Ladies, cut us some slack. Face it. Ladies, God wired us different than you. And it's, as the Williams, it's okay. But you got to understand it. See, in order for me to meet Brenda's needs or you to meet your wife's needs, you have to understand what those needs are. Because we don't understand it because we're not wired that way. Isn't, don't you love how the Bible just approaches all this? Because these men didn't know. All they had was the culture, the culture. All you have right now are your video reels and your movies. You have, that's, what's influencing a lot of you young people and a lot of your marriages. That's what you've got. You, they're trying to change the rules on you. And you're wondering why it's not working. You got to go by the house rules. created your marriage and created you. So that's why 1 Peter 3, 7, the Holy Spirit tells Peter, I want you to write this to the new believers in the church. And look what he says. He says, in the same way, you husbands, watch this, this blew them away. You must give honor to your wives. Treat your wives with what? Say the word out loud. With? Honor. As you live together, she may be weaker than you,

but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should. Watch, so your prayers will not be hindered. This is so heavy. He says, treat them with understanding. Husbands, God is saying that because you're wanting just your way and you're not trying to gain understanding, you might actually be hindering something you're praying for, for your marriage and for your family and for your career, and it's stopping because you're not working to understand her. Conversely, ladies, this is why I tell husbands and wives, stay in unity together, stay in unity together. The reason why I say this is that you both need to be trying to figure out understanding because then when the conflict and you're not working toward understanding, there are prayers you are praying for career paths for your family, for your kids' education. You're praying for a lot of things, and God says, we're gonna stall this prayer request. We're gonna stall the answer to this prayer request. We're gonna put it on suspend until they can start learning to understand each other in a way they understand. May not change it, but at least they understand each other because he says prayer requests can actually be stalled and stopped answers from God because you're living in conflict with each other because each one wants what they want.

So let's all stop and let that settle in. Am I living with my wife, and even ladies, in an understanding way? So what does understand mean? What does that mean, understanding way? Here's the best way I can describe it. Ready, it's in the screen. It's acquired gained knowledge. Understanding is acquired gained knowledge. The moment you stop learning is the day you stop leading. The moment you stop learning about each other, I don't care how many years because you think you're a pro because you're 36 years married, when you stop learning about each other, you stop leading each other. It's over. But it is an acquired gained knowledge. So what does that mean, pastor? It means it's something I'm willing to give myself to through all the struggles to persevere, to gain knowledge over years of me living with this woman that God has given me. It's acquired gained knowledge. It's study over a period of time to know what pleases them, what grieves them, what makes them joyful, what makes them sorrowful. Am I learning this about my wife and even about your husband? Because sometimes we're trying to do things we don't understand they don't really want.

It's kind of like the Boy Scout who took the little old 95-year-old grandma with the cane and just start taking her across the street, started saying, she's fighting, he doesn't know which fight, he gets with her across the other side of the street and she starts taking that little Boy Scout and beating him over the head with a cane. He said, what are you doing? What are you doing? I just wanted to get you across the street. She said, I didn't wanna go across the street. And we're trying to get them across the street, but we don't understand what path and what they're really trying to achieve. It's an understanding way. So there's a difference. So let me give you this line right here, just so you can have an understanding. Men connect emotionally, ladies, listen to this, through physical intimacy. Through that act of physical intimacy in the marriage, that's how they connect emotionally. However, women connect physically through emotional intimacy. So men, you connect to her and her emotions through communicating and understanding what those are. And sometimes it's not words. A lot of times it's you saying nothing. You do a lot better off sometimes not saying anything. Sometimes it's not saying anything.

It's simply reaching over and holding her hand. That's simple. It's just that one simple moment you're at the restaurant and you look right into her eyes and you get that little smile on your face and don't say a word. Don't say a word, but do talk. They used to bug Sarah. Oh, when she was a kid. When she was a kid, we'd go to Cracker Barrel or any restaurant, and she'd always see older couples together. She'd go, Mom, Dad, look at that couple. What? They haven't said a word to each other their whole meal. Then she'd look and say, Promise me you two will never do that. Now you're all going to start looking, aren't you? Sometimes nonverbal, it's touching, it's holding their hands. When your wife says, listen, guys, listen, let me help you. When your wife says, you just don't know how to communicate, she's absolutely right. Do not argue with her on that. Because guys, you and I, we mean what we say, and we say what we mean. It's very clear, most of the time, except when you're taking an order to go through Taco Bell, you always mess it up. But most of the time, we mean what we say, we say what we mean. But for wives, it's different. It's different. Let me help you with some code language, okay? When she says, we need, it really means I want. When she says, we need to talk, it really means you need to listen. That's what it means.

It's really what it means. When she says, sure, go ahead, it really means don't you even think about it, you nincompoop. That's what that means. Stop. Don't be dumb. When she says, I'm not upset, let me just tell you what it means. It means of course I'm upset, you knucklehead. Can't you tell? That's what it means. It's code language. When she says, I'll be ready in a minute. Don't even get angry. Don't get sharp. Don't say you always, no, no, no. When she says, be ready in a minute, here's what you do. Just go to the sofa, turn on the TV, get a football game, put your feet up. It's going to be a while. We just communicate different. You say, but pastor, that sounds so complicated. But it's something you acquire over time and some people will not live through the struggle. They just walk out. They lose their spiritual toughness and they're just done. They're just done. I don't know right now you're in your third month of marriage and you've got this all figured out. But here's the good news. Here's the one thing. I've sometimes, I've been, I have been studying this lady for over 37 years. She says, and if I ever get it right, then I'll change it. If I get it right, then I'll change it.

But I've studied over and I've still not done learning. I'm just telling you. I learned and you know why? Because people change. Well, you're not the way you used to be. People change. And can I just give you some advice? You may have to marry your spouse over five or six times in the lifetime that you were together and marry them all over again. Too many people quit too early, but here's the good news. God did not call me to have to understand her. God called me to simply obey him. All God has called me to and you two men is simply this, that understanding love is simply listen carefully, love intentionally and meet her emotional needs. Just listen intently, listen carefully, love intentionally. And watch God meet her emotional needs. When you do it, I'm somebody say amen, which is the final thing. It's you're really leading with ultimate love. So I want to close with this and Ephesians five 25, Paul looks to those men, same culture, same common influence. So you're in a counterculture, everybody. I'm just telling you, and the world is looking. So actually your marriage is the gospel to an unbelieving world is what it is. We understand that. Don't see it just as this covenant, Hey, I'm this person I met and we're going to live together. No, your marriage is actually the revelation of the gospel of Jesus Christ to them. That's what that is. It honestly is. So he says, lead with ultimate love.

And he says in Ephesians 5 25. He says for husbands. This means agape your wives Unconditional not love if not I love you because I love you in spite of even when my own needs don't get met I'm here to do one thing obey christ Just as christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her All of us parents we want kids how many just want kids that'll serve god their whole life Love god serve god their whole life. Do you know the best way to do that? Husbands, can I tell you the best way your children learn christ's love by watching how you treat their mother That's where they get it It's not in there just with those kids In kids first, it's the way they watch dad Treat the bride because that is the gospel of jesus christ. It's a volitional love not an emotional love And sometimes you have to fight through the feelings of disappointment when you felt like you tried and it didn't happen But i'm going to tell you stay the course husband stay the course Get understanding love and have ultimate love of jesus christ And even in the meantime when when you say I just don't feel like the marriage is working out do things do loving things Do loving things brag on her brag brag brag brag brag brag make her look good Don't put her down if she torches the lunch this afternoon. Don't say a word about it Say this is the greatest thing mom couldn't even do it this good I Let your kids hear you brag brag brag brag I was brendan brendan sent me this podcast this week He's really good This guy said because of the way the culture and now the reels that are hitting women so fast your single Your young daughters your wives it's hitting them so fast the body shaming everything He said it just constantly comes. Is it a barrage constantly constantly constantly? He said at least five times a day you should look at your spouse your wife and tell her how beautiful And how attractive she is at least five Simply because of the barrage of reels and everything that's hitting especially dads

Your daughters Tell them how beautiful they are Because they really are and they're fearfully and wonderfully made or that group out There is going to make them become something they never intended or ever wanted to be But I got to have that to finally be accepted and loved Tell her brag on her Brag on her call her in the middle of the day do it bless her bless her today today Let me just give you oh, let me give you one guys. It'll just heal you today. What can I do pastor today? Give her the remote to the tv this afternoon You If you gotta sit there and watch hours of hallmark Let me tell you I am a witness you can survive and be made whole after it Take her to a movie this afternoon Take her to dinner. Don't say not what you like go take her you plan it you go take her to dinner show her Just bless her Open here. I'll tell you what right after service. How about you do one? Go open her car door for her today Go open it go open it. You're not gonna believe this I was at a restaurant just a couple days ago, and I just went over and I've got brendan I came out of the restaurant and I opened brenda's door put her in I don't think anything about it Just open the door and put tuck her in There's some benefits to open that door to just open the door for her Just open the door for her No kidding the car beside me the dude gets out of his car Walks around Opens the door for his wife He said My wife just looked at me said I wonder how many years that man has opened the door for his wife She saw it She said he goes it made me come over and open the door for my wife

Bless her see this doesn't take a lot of money. You don't have to go to cruise You don't have to go to vegas. Just go open her door It's not hard Help the kids get ready tomorrow morning do something Easy simple Listen here's an easy one When you get in the car just make sure both feet both of her feet are in the car before you put it in reverse Okay How am I getting my drift let me get my drift or do I need to snow again? Come on, let me get in the drift here Romance her Tell her I love you say it often tell her enough. You don't tell her say it often hold her hand Talk to her just take time rub her feet bring her flowers rub her feet again Bring her flowers rub her feet again. I'm just telling you. Yeah, you say but pastor. She's not responding to me Here's the question you and I always have to ask husbands. Will I forget about my own expectations for my wife? And can I focus on God's expectation from me? So I almost have to make it to the point where I'm not making it about Brenda. I'm making Father, am I being obedient to you? That Jesus, while I ran from you, I intentionally rejected you, Jesus. And you came and you died on the cross. And you bled for me. And you came because I was ignorant of my own sins and the condition I was in. And I even when I did know I was knew what my condition of my life is, I kept on sinning because I wanted to live by Sam's rules and not God's rules. And yet you just kept coming after me. And yet you just kept coming after me. While we were yet sinners, bold face turning against him, he just kept coming to us and kept coming to us and kept coming to us in obedience to the Father. While you and I, while you and I were rejecting him, he just God, he never stopped romancing us. Back to his heart. So brothers, whether you're single or you're married, here's the bottom line for you and me. Lord, I want to know what the rules are that give me meaning to life. To show me my role as a man after your heart. And let it be that what I do, whether it's to my wife or anybody else is an act of obedience to you. That actually glorifies you. That people in the counterculture say, what's different

about that man? What's different about that guy that works with me on this construction project? That he'll stop in the middle of the day at lunch while other guys are berating their wives. And I can hear him say, honey, I'll be home. I'll be home. Can't wait to see you. Yeah. Love you. Just the simplest things. Simple text. What are you doing? I'm texting my wife. Just send her this goofy emoji with the heart eyes. She loves it. It'll change that world out there. It'll change that world, guys. Husbands, how many believe we're going to transform? We're going to change other men's hearts to follow Jesus just simply because we don't obey and glorify God. Period. That's why Paul said that God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. We were rejected him everybody. And he just kept on romancing us. Man, aren't you glad he didn't walk out on us? Aren't you glad everybody? Aren't you glad?