Fruit That Remains | This Isn’t What I Asked For | Acts 12:12-16 | Lonnell Williams

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, just who you are. Light in the darkness, bridge over troubled walks. It's just who you are. Mother to the motherless, father to the fatherless. Doctor in the synchro, lawyer in the courtroom. We stop saying those things because we've got to sit and do it, but somebody needs a lawyer this week. Amen. We don't have to over-spiritualize it. Somebody's going to get a doctor's report and they need the great position this week. What's got to be the glory? My name is Lana El-Dawson Williams. I'm the executive pastor here at 2819 Church. I'm one of our community leaders. I'm just excited to be here on today. It's just so interesting how God can kind of meet you in different ways, in different moments, and in different seasons. At the 8 o'clock gathering, I don't even know what to call it. I don't know if that was deliverance. I don't know what happened. We didn't even preach. We just laid hands. We were casting out demons at the 8 o'clock gathering. [APPLAUSE] I don't know if we're going to put that up on YouTube yet, but we was pulling it out. The saying was walking the aisles. We just-- we built the young lady in the room that just

had a demonic spirit on her. And we called it out, and she came up front. And then all of a sudden, all types of women were coming up. And it was just-- the Lord was with us at the 1030. It was tight, but it was right, because today we're talking about a subject that it's not easy to accept, but it must be heard. I'm going to talk about grief, but grief in prayer. And that's a hard subject, so I don't want you to be caught off guard. We're not going to shout today, but we are going to be in his feet. But before again, I just want to make two brief, brief, brief announcements. One, I am just super excited, and I'm certain you are as well. This is the final installment of our sermon series, the fruit that remains. And next Sunday-- somebody will see you next Sunday. Pastor Philip Anthony mentioned we'll be back in the building. Just back preaching the word of God. But as we know, Augustine's not tied to one man, but he has just-- he has been taking this opportunity to just grow, and learn, and love, and be able to survive. He celebrated, I think it was 21 or 22 years of wedding. Bliss on Friday. I was with him yesterday. I had to invest fast in downtown Atlanta, and you can just see the fire in him. He's ready to get back, so I'm just excited, because I'm tired.

Lord, I'm-- you got it, Doc, so you got it. But secondly, secondly, the thing that I am so, so excited about how many people have been blessed by a 2819 worship. [CHEERING] Hey, listen. The Lord has just been breathing on us in such a phenomenal way. I was on the YouTube page recently. We have 2019 worship on YouTube, and you should follow us. We put clips of our worship gatherings on there for people to be a part of. And when we were-- I looked on it this last week, and I saw that the song for "Christ's Alone" had 1.3 million views insane. This song has been streamed literally all over the world of the ability to go in as one of the leaders on the record label side. And I'm able to see where the song is streaming live, and it is literally everywhere. Uzbekistan, South Africa, Asia, India, and Antarctica. There are scientists online in Antarctica. Greenland and Iceland, Finland. It's all over the world. And so for me, that is just an amazing thing to see. And when we were presented with an opportunity to join a record label, we had quite a few labels approaches, quite a few. We actually had a deal from a very, very large prominent well-known, if I said the name, you would immediately know it, a deal to sign, red-lined, and everything. But something in our spirit said to just pause, fast,

pray. And we live by a philosophy here at this church on our office to have called Zag. When everyone zigs, we Zag. We Zag because the Holy Spirit is a zagger. The Holy Spirit of speech to you randomly is they don't do that, go this direction. And you've got to listen. That's why it says daily bread. I can't live on yesterday's men. I've got to live on today. And so when we felt that, and since that, we went into a different direction, we signed with the label that we signed to, and they helped us put for Christ. And we're going to now drop an EP on the 14th of August. Listen, you can scan the QR code, or you can use your phone and tap the device that's right in front of you on the back of your seat. And that is the pre-save link. We've got some amazing songs on there. For example, we have our Spanish rendition. We have Chris and one of our leaders singing. We have an acoustic version of it, as well, led by Jerry. And so it is just an amazing, amazing, amazing album. And so when it drops, I want you to play it, you know, all the way home to work, to school. Just play that thing until the wheels fall off, okay? Like, I just, I need you to, you know, just rock that thing, okay? Because we just believe God is literally changing lives. And I should let you know that we were asked and we were given the opportunity to be presented into the nomination pool for the Grammys, for the Grammys.

We were submitted. Now, I didn't say we was nominated, unless the Lord is so kind. Unless the Lord is so kind. But, you know, for us, it's not about awards. It's not about accolades. It's not about streams. It's not about that. It's just about us being able to tell the world. For Christ, I live. For Christ, we're willing to die, that we want to stand before the world, if it's on a red carpet in front of a camera, it makes no difference. To say that Jesus is alive, that no other God didn't make that claim. That's why Deuteronomy, believe it's, I think Deuteronomy is seven-nine. This is therefore known that the Lord, your God is God. V, faithful God. Not a faithful God. V, which means he's the only one who is faithful and just. It goes on to say his steadfast love, to keep his covenant. Which means he's a promised keeper. And so the Lord is kind and good. And so we are just excited about what God is doing. Let's dive into the Word upon this morning, what afternoon, excuse me. I am eager anticipation for what God is going to do. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we just thank you. For you are the King of kings and the Lord of lords, which means you sit high. Above all of our problems, all of our challenges, all of our situations. We submit this hour to you. I pray, Father, that you would just clean my hands and purify my heart. I pray that the Word would go forth with fire, conviction, truth, and love.

Let grace feel the room right now. Father, I know that there are those in this room with heavy hearts. Brief on their heart as they deal with anniversaries and funerals and upset moments and things that they have lost, be it finances, be it homes, be it relationships, God. But you are still good. So I pray for a double launching on this word. I pray for the one who walked in here who just said, "I want to hear a word, Father God." I pray that they don't walk out asking to be saved. I pray that they walk out saved. I pray, God, that they walk out with a blessed assurance for theirs. We love you and we thank you and we honor you for what you are about to do. For it is in your darling son, Jesus, name your prayer. Amen, amen, amen. If I'm going to take a text, we're going to take it from Acts 12th chapter, Acts 12th chapter. And we're going to start from the 12th verse. I'm going to read to the 16th verse, 12th verse to the 16th verse. Acts 12 verses 12 through 16. And it reads, "When he realized this, he went to the house of Mary, the mother of John, whose other name was Mark, where many were gathered together and were praying." Somebody say, "Praying." And when he knocked at the door of the gateway, a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer, recognizing Peter's voice in her joy. She did not open the gate, but ran in and reported that Peter was standing at the gate. And they said to her, "You are out of your mind." But she kept insisting that it was so, and they kept saying, "It is his angel." But Peter continued knocking, and when they opened, they saw him. If I could pin a title to this text, I would call it, "This isn't what I ask for. "This isn't what I ask for. "I don't know about you, but I love to eat."

Hey man, I love to eat. I just, I'm just gonna be honest, I love to eat. Not from a gluttonous perspective, I just like good food. I guess it's just what it is. And there is a restaurant, a fast food restaurant, and many of you go to, okay, it's not you at least, but that was funny, okay, that was funny. Many of you go to, that you love that is not open on Sundays, all right? I didn't say it, you said it. Now listen, me personally is personally not one of my favorites. I like the other red place that has chicken strips and they have something called cane sauce, that's mine. Listen, you like yours, I like mine, right? We both get into heaven, hopefully, all right? So listen, listen, now you got your holy chicken, that's all good, but me personally, I like the other one. Now, when I have to, but grudgingly go to the place that you like, my kids love that place, but when I go, I have to get the same meal. I get the same meal every single time, I like to get a number one, no pickles, a Coke, light ice, and a chocolate chip cookie. Add bacon, that's the four menu. And every time I go, I do the same thing. I ask them to add those things because you know just as much as I know

that oftentimes when they make that stuff, they just leave it on the little shelf and it'd be like two hours. And then you order it and they grab one and they put it in your bag and say, "Here you go, nice to meet you." And for me, I want it fresh. I want fresh fries. Fresh fries, don't give me them dry sandpaper bag. I want some fresh fries. So every time I go, I order the same thing. I want a number one with pickles, with no pickles, bacon, chocolate chip cookie, Coca-Cola, easy ice. Y'all know Coca-Cola is Atlanta water. That's what I call it. I call it Atlanta water. Give me some Atlanta water. Now, last time I went to Chick-fil-A, I took the place y'all like. The last time I went to this restaurant, I'm trying not to say it. The last time I went to this restaurant, I went in and as always, I make the same order. I order my number one, no pickles, add bacon, Coca-Cola, easy ice, and a chocolate chip cookie. They should already know it. I get my order. I go to my car and I began to unravel the bag. And normally my sandwich is in a white container,

a white plastic bag with a little foil on the inside. That's what covered over it. Yeah, this time it wasn't in that. It was in a box. Now, you know, if you know anything about the box, that's usually like a number three, number four. (audience laughs) That's the spicy one. I don't do the spice. I don't do the spice. I don't like the spice. I don't like the spice. I don't like the spice. Yeah, I don't like the spicy one. I like the bacon one. No pickles. Add bacon. Coca-Cola, easy ice with a chocolate chip cookie. All right, so when I went inside and I asked him, I said, "Hey," I said, "Excuse me, my sister in Christ." (audience laughs) I'm looking inside. When I see inside my bag, that's not what I ordered. She said, "Well, what is your order?" I ordered a number one with no pickles, add bacon, Coca-Cola, easy ice, and a chocolate chip cookie. She said, "Oh, that's what's inside of there." Ma'am, I don't think you understand my order. Now, she said, "Sir, no, I promise you, it's in there." We were pretty efficient about making sure

that we get people exactly what they asked for. I said, "No ma'am, this isn't what I asked for." I asked, now I wasn't elevating my voice. I just want, I was being kind, but I asked for the same thing every single time. She said, "Sir, I promise you, it's in the bag." I said, "Ma'am, I'm about to give you this back." 'Cause I don't like the spicy. She said, "Sir, I promise you, what you ordered is on the inside of it. You didn't order the wrapper." (audience applauds) I see that stayed with me on my way back to the office because sometimes we ask God for what is inside and then reject Him because we do not recognize the wrapper. Yeah, we pray, Lord, change my life and then resist every change that requires something from us. We pray for growth, but growth arrives looking like pressure. We pray for healing, but healing begins with the conversation we keep avoiding. We pray for opportunity, but opportunity keeps come carrying responsibility. We pray for therapy, then we go to chat GPT and tell them, "What am I, what's wrong with me right now?" So here is what I want to establish before we go on any further. And everything in my opinion hangs on this premise. God is rarely delayed in sending. We are often delayed in receiving. And that means the gap in your life may not be a gap in Heaven's willingness and may be a gap in your reception. Look at Acts 12 makes it even more realistic. The church was praying for Peter. Peter was the answer that they wanted and Peter actually came. I want you to look at Acts 12 verse 1. It says, "About the time Herod the King laid violent hands on some who belonged to the

church." He called James, the brother of John with a sword. He killed him. And when he saw it, it pleased the Jews. He proceeded to arrest Peter also. This was during the days of unleavened bread or Passover. And when they had seized him, they put him in a prison delivering him of the four squads of soldiers to guard him, intending after the Passover to bring him out to the people. See, the problem was not that God sent the wrong answer. The problem was that their grief had trained them not to believe the right answer could arrive. The answer was exact, but the grief had trained them to call it impossible. They did not say this is not what we asked for out of their mouths. They said it with their response. See, Peter was standing at the door and they said it must be an angel. They had asked for Peter, prayed for Peter, fasted for Peter. And when Peter showed up, they explained him away. And the passage here is built around three unique sounds. And I want you to hear what those sounds are. The sounds of prayer inside the house. The sounds of Peter's voice outside the gate. And the sound of Peter knocking continuously while the people inside are trying to explain it away. See, this sermon lives in the distance between the prayer inside and the answer outside. The crazy part is that they were close enough to hear, but not yet willing to open the door. See, being near the answer is not the same thing as receiving the answer. Before we get to the door, we have to understand what the church is carrying. See, Acts 12, as you know, it opens up about James, the brother of John dying. Now, James is not just some ordinary biblical individual. James is of the three, Peter, James, and John. He was the one that was at the Garden of Gethymity. He was the one that was the most closest to Jesus. He was a brother, a friend, a leader, a pastor, an apostle in this church, and he died. And Herod saw that James' death pleased the people, so he arrested Peter too. James was the test, but Peter was the repeat. Herod literally built a system around it, four squads of soldiers that 16, and Peter was chained between two of them and two built guards at the door. But let's look at verse number five. It says, "So Peter was kept in prison, but earnest prayer for him was made to God by the church." This is important. "They were praying with James in the grave, and Peter behind bars. They were not praying from a place of easy faith. They were praying after something had already gone wrong. And that matters because some people think faith only counts when it is confident and loud and untouched by questions. This church teaches us that faith can have tears and still be called faith. A brokenhearted prayer is not a defective

prayer. They did not wait until they understood James before they asked God to say Peter. They prayed for Peter while they were grieving James. Some of us know what it is to pray again after the last answer hurts you. You asked God to keep something and you had to bury it. You asked him to heal something and it got worse. You asked him to open a door and it closed into your face. And now the next time you pray the old answer. See, pain is an honest historian, but a horrible prophet. I'm gonna say that again. I got good to me. Pain is an honest historian, but it is a horrible prophet. See, pain can tell you what happened, but it cannot tell you what God is gonna do next. See, the calendar could remind you of what happened in October. But the calendar can't tell you what God will do this October. See, see, see, when you think about the way that grief works, it literally can leave something in your heart, a pain in your heart, and you've not even realized it. You can go into your prayer closet believing that God can, but the pain in your heart will allow you to leave the prayer closet believing that he can, but he won't do it for you. Oh, gosh. Okay. The last chapter explains your hesitation, but it does not have the authority over the next chapter of your life. Notice the season. They were praying during Passover, okay? The feast reminded Israel that God always brings his people out, but Passover was also the season

when Jesus was arrested and crucified. So the calendar preached deliverance, but their grief remembered death, and still they prayed. See, they were braced for another Calvary while heaven had already scheduled an Exodus. Some of us have been preparing for disappointment so long that hope now feels impossible. You call it discernment. Sometimes it's just pain making a decision God never made. You call it waiting on God, but sometimes you're avoiding but God already placed in front of you. You call it waiting on God. It's just disobedience with a devotional vocabulary. You're not waiting for God to speak. You are waiting for what he said to become easier. (congregation murmurs) See, you didn't lose your faith. You made your faith safe enough that it could never hurt you again. So you go into your prayer closet and you ask safe prayers, simple prayers, easy prayers. Have your way. Whatever you do, Lord, your will, your way. You're abundant, I trust you, but do you really? See, when you lose something, oh, Jesus, I'm out of my hair. I'm ahead of myself.

When you lose something that's special, your faith doesn't change, but your trust gets chipped away. I can prove it, I can prove it. I'll give you my own personal story. My grandfather was one of my best friends in life. I'm named after him. His name is Reverend Dr. Lonnie Dawson. I'm Lonnie L. Dawson Williams, okay? I carry that very special to me. I remember when my grandfather got cancer and his cancer had eaten away his bones and I remember going home to California in December and preaching his retirement service in front of the Southern Baptist Convention. And then when I got on the plane to come home, it was December 21st. And I remember getting that call that early morning that my grandfather had passed away. I remember when I had to care for my family because I was the last male in my family on that side. My mother, my sister, my other sister, and my grandmother, okay? I was one of the last males on that side of my family. And I remember having to support, my literally having to support my mom and my grandmother as they grieved, as they grieved over this man, this myth, this legend, this pastor for the city. And I remember for some reason, the musician decided to play total praise

when we were closing the casket. And it was beautiful. My wife was there, it was beautiful. And they sang, "Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen." And it was beautiful. And I remember being the one to close the casket as they were singing that song. When I closed the casket, they crescendoed with the loudest "Amen Ever." And that was the first time I broke down a crime. I hugged my wife as hard as I've ever hugged her before because I was broken. And every December 21st, it comes around. I remember that day, every time I hear total praise, I don't care where I am. I don't care what's going on the minute I hear that song. When December 21st hits, I can remember only one thing. The phone call I got that early morning at prayer from my mama saying, "He's gone." See, a calendar can bring something up. There are things that can happen in your life that come back every single year. I remember what it was like to pray for him that God will heal his body. That he still had life to live. And I personally remember sitting there at that casket and believing in God and saying, "God, I trust you. "I thank you. I honor you. "I know that he's in glory, but there was a part of me." In that moment, all I love or long get lasted.

Wow, it's not trusting just a little bit. Just being honest, my prayers weren't as strong as they used to be, because I'm sitting there like, "God, I trusted you with this, "but this isn't what I asked for. "I prayed for healing. You gave it a casket." Some of us are grieving people and some of us are grieving things. And we keep asking, "God, this is not what I asked for." See, you don't have to stop grieving what God did not explain before you prayed for what you still believe he can do. Okay. God does not ask you to lie about what hurts you, to trust him again. You don't have to stop grieving what God did, not to explain before you prayed, but what you still believe he can do. You do not have to call the grave a blessing. You don't have to pretend the unanswered questions no longer matter, because some of us think we have to choose between honesty and faith. That if we admit we're afraid that we're scared, that we're hurt, that we are somehow not trusting God, that if we admit we're disappointed, we're being disloyal, but biblical faith is not the denial of pain. Biblical faith is bringing the pain into the presence of God and refusing to let the pain before and become your God.

You see, the wound can speak without being allowed to cast the deciding vote. Looking for verse number 12, look at verse number 12. Three, it says, "And when he realized this, "he went to the house of Mary, the mother of John, "whose other name was Mark, "where many were gathered together and were praying. "Peter is delivered. "And when he comes to himself, "he goes to Mary's house, "where many were gathered together. "They were praying. "I love the nuances of the text. "That's why reading the Bible word for word "and line for line is so important, "because Peter does not go to a random address." He goes to the house where the church is already praying. See, the answer walked straight into the prayer meeting. No, notice the mercy in that. God did not answer in the place where they had never prayed. He brought the answer to the house where their prayers were already sitting. They did not have to travel across the city to find it. The answer came looking for them. We imagine that if God answers, the answer will be dramatic, distant, or difficult, or challenging to recognize. But in this text, the answer is close enough to knock. Look, look at verse number 13. Come on, look, look.

And when he knocked at the door of the gateway, a servant girl named Rhoda came to answer. She hears the voice. So she recognizes Peter. She does not see his face, though. She doesn't need to. She knows the voice because she heard it before. See, every one of us knows what the voice of your favorite auntie is compared to the voice of your mother. See, when your mama called your name, you know what that's sound like. I don't need to hear, or see, I don't need to see her face to notice that's my mama calling me, right? And my favorite auntie, what she calls my name. I can hear her voice and I can see the distinction but I'll even happen to see their names. It's just like, what tone? I'll call my son's name if I say, "Hey, Dawson." Or if I say, "Hey, Dawson." Dawson knows based on the tone, he ain't got to look at my face. He knows by my voice what I mean. That, my brothers, is this this. Let us know that familiarity gives you discernment. See, you are learning, excuse me, yes, you are learning the voice of God before the crisis comes. See, you can't cram for pain at midnight. Okay, all right, that's fine. The crisis does not create your hearing.

The crisis reveals it. See, see, it's too late to cram for the test that starts at nine and starts studying at eight. You can't do that. That's why time in his word daily, revelation in the text daily, sitting at his feet daily, because you can hear his voice and trying times. But if you only call on him when you need something, you won't hear his voice when he needs something from you. That's another sermon for another time. All right, and here is where the text, I believe, helps us a lot. Some of us are good at announcing what we have not obeyed. Look at the text, verse number 14, in her joy, she didn't open the gate. But she ran in and she reported that Peter was standing at the gate. She recognized the answer, but she does not receive the answer. She announces what she has not yet opened. See, see, you announce the opportunity, but you never applied for it. You celebrated reconciliation, but you avoided the conversation. Yeah, you shouted about the freedom, but you keep feeding the habit that held you. See, recognition is not reception until your life makes room for what you recognized. So Rhoda runs back into the prayer meeting.

Peter is at the door. And the people who have been praying earnestly say, you watch your mind. Imagine the prayer meeting calls the person carrying the answer crazy. See, don't let their religious language make you slide right past that. They said, it is his angel. So let me put that in some context. So you see, see, back in that day, they believed that the angel was simply a reflection of the dead person. They were actually accustomed to seeing or what they felt like were angels in their presence. What that lets me know is that you can have enough faith to believe in miraculous and still not have enough expectation to believe that it can actually happen to you. 'Cause this is the pattern. This is a pattern, it is not an incident. See, if you go to John, chapter 20, Mary Magdalene is outside the tomb. She's crying and Jesus is standing right there in front of her. And the Bible says that she's supposed to him to be a gardener. Did you hear that? She came asking about the body and the body is standing in front of her asking her why she's crying. And she thought the answer, she's the random person.

You go to Luke 24, two disciples walking to Emmaus, seven miles and the text says, their eyes were kept from recognizing him, seven miles. They explained the problem literally to the answer. They gave Jesus a full briefing on the death of Jesus. The answer, look at Thomas, unless I see, I will not believe all examples. Now come back to Acts, chapter 12. And tell me that the church is a strange place. The people closest to Jesus have a documented history of not recognizing him when he shows up. See, that's not a special kind of failure. That is the human condition after loss. See, and it happened to Mary who loved him and the two on the road who walked with him. It happened to Thomas who was there with one of the 12 and then it happened to you at the prayer meeting you organized for yourself. Don't just look at the fruit. I want you to look at the root because if we only deal with the behavior, we'll be back in the same seat next year doing the same thing. Almost all dysfunction is an illegitimate attempt to meet a legitimate need. Hear what I just said? Their need was legitimate. They did not need to be... That's not weakness, that is not a lack of faith. That is what it means to be a human being

who buried somebody days ago. See, God is not offended by that need. He built it into you. But calling the answer an angel was an illegitimate way to meet the legitimate need. Because watch what the angel does to him. See, angel can't leave. An angel can't disappoint you. An angel can't require anything from you. See, see, you cannot get your heart broken by something you already decided was dead. So they were not reaching for the angel because they lacked faith. They reached for the angel because the angel was cheaper than hope. (audience cheering) That's the thing I'm not preaching at them. I'm preaching at myself because I have done the same math. I know what it's like to pray for God to do something and he shows up and does it another way. I know what it's like to pray for an answer and the answer took 19 months to come. And in those 19 months, I had to believe God would, but I felt like he couldn't. Is there anybody that's been in a season where you have prayed and felt like it? Feel like God forgot about you. It felt like he somehow just skipped right over you and how is it that he's giving everybody what they need

but then when I ask for what I need, it doesn't show up. Can we be honest? See, God is great enough to hear our discouragement and hear our frustration and that does not change his love for us. But it should change our reception of him because his will is perfect. His grace and his mercy. What I deserve and what I don't deserve. So that means in my prayer closet, I can be praying fervently, earnestly, stretched out. Walk in the need and walk out. Feeling like that need would never be met. Here is the beauty and what that does. The enemy cannot take your prayer life. He cannot stop you from gathering with the saints and praying. But see, but if he can get you to reinterpret God's yes as an angel, then he never has to block your answer. He just has to get you to argue with a door that you refuse to open. So he doesn't fight the prayer. He works at the reception. He lets you pray all night and then hands you a reasonable explanation for why it couldn't possibly be the answer. See, that's not a coincidence. That is a scheme and I can't hear to tell somebody you have been arguing with your own answer and calling it discernment. See, there's a difference between believing God can

and expecting God did. See, they have the first one. They were in the meeting. They gathered together. They were praying. What they lost was the second one that he would answer the prayer. See, there's a difference between proximity and possessions. See, they were close enough to hear Peter's voice, the answer, and still do not have it because being near the answer is not the same thing as receiving it. And this is where my title comes back. See, when I was actually at Chick-fil-A, I never opened the wrapper. I decided that whatever the contents of it was based on the wrapper, what was on the inside, was supposed to be reflective on the outside. I looked at the outside, I reached a verdict about the inside. I picked up everything in me to go inside and complain, and I never once looked inside the wrapper. See, that was my prayer meeting. They made a ruling on an answer without ever walking to the door. They evaluated the delivery from across the room. You have to go to the door. See, we don't always reject the answer. Sometimes we just rename it. We call fear wisdom. We call avoidance peace.

We call disobedience discernment. We don't fear that God will fail us. We fear that God will answer us and require us to become hopeful. And we have to become hopeful again. Because if we hope, it means we'll be disappointed. That if we open the door, we might have to trust what we see. See, see, see, see, see, you say in the prayer meeting and debate the report. You would rather be right about the funeral than wrong about the answer. But Rhoda is consistent. See, the room was louder than her. The room was older than her. The room had more people inside of it. They had more status. She was just a servant girl. But the room was wrong. The room was loud and she was right. There will be moments where anybody and everybody around you has a reasonable explanation for why you should not believe what God has placed in front of you. You will need to know the voice of God for yourself. Faith is not pretending you have no questions. See, faith can be confused and still make moves. You can have questions in your head and obedience in your feet. The problem was not that they were confused. The problem was that their confusion became a reason not to check the door. See, there's a difference between needing time to understand and deciding that understanding must come from obedience. Look at verse number 16. But Peter continued knocking. And when they opened, they saw him and were amazed. Peter continued knocking. Thank God the knock lasted longer than their unbelief. He kept knocking while they were debating.

He kept knocking while they were explaining. He kept knocking while they were calling the answer impossible. And that my brothers and sisters is the testimony. When I hear because we always responded perfectly, we are here because mercy outlasted our denials. See? Grief. Yeah, man, if I call you up. There's a song. My brother Joel Barnes is here today. He's an amazing gospel artist and singer, and he had a song that he sang about his father passing away. And the lyrics are absolutely phenomenal. And he thinks about the grief and the pain that he endured with his father passing. See, grief can do a number on your faith. You can turn up prayer warrior until we're on again, off again Christian. See, if you ain't never been hit with something hard, something that'll knock you off your feet. And oftentimes, we assume it's just a person. I'm not just talking about a person. I'm talking about a thing, a place, a home, experience, a job, a relationship. A relationship, peace, drugs and alcohol, addiction, shame. We can grieve our own mistakes. And then we can go to God and say, "God, I need you to do this." And God gives you that. This isn't what I ask for. I said heal his body. I didn't ask for a funeral. I said restore that relationship. I didn't know that meant that you were going to make them healthy and whole. I said pull us out of debt. I didn't mean that I was going to lose the house. I asked for the promotion.

I know you're going to lay me off. But your will is better than mine. This is not what I asked for. The Holy Spirit has just been knocking at my heart. I'm trying my best not to do this, but I'm going to do it. Please don't put this on social media, please. When I came here, some about a year and some change ago, it was so interesting because I'm in a fraternity, and I was like that guy in college. I was that guy, quintessential, let's just leave it to that. I was that guy. When I came in 2019, I remember my very first Sunday, a young lady, I was just walking behind. She was out in the void and she started crying. "Hey, I'm new. What you kind of about when I do this?" Church is over. Why are you crying? I just let go about my business and I go about my day and she catches me in the parent line. She said, "Lanelle, there's something that you're holding on to." She said, "I've been trying my best to be obedient." She said, "But there's something that you're holding on to that if you don't let it die, that literally there is the next generation." She said, "My son will bear the weight of my sin," and I'm like, "Wait a second, I just got here. I'll just talk to you, as my first Sunday." I'm not brushing off, but it's all good. Just a couple of Sundays go by. We had an incident that took place here with a young lady and now I won't go there, but right after that, a couple of people started clipping my name and going on my LinkedIn and

I'm starting to see a post about the organization and I'm just like, "Oh my God, I got to let this go." This is not what I asked for. I just wanted to just come here and for each and go up on my day. I go outside and we're at the merch trailer. These two young ladies came up to me and I was like, "Oh my God, this is exactly what this is." I'm like, "Oh my God. Your assignment was so dope. Let me ask you something. Are you still in the fraternity?" I was like, "How about that sermon?" I was like, "All this happened within a couple of weeks. I think I spoke another recording about it." Next, I pull into the office and us, I got to back into it. I can't pull straight in. I got to back in just in case. So I back into the parking spot. My pastor Philip was walking by and he looked at me and he was like, "Mm, I ain't going inside. I ain't saying nothing." And the next day, my wife was like, "Let me talk to you about something I'm like, "Listen. Chill, all right, I get it because I'm super, you know, I'm super frat, you know, like don't do that. Because I have you looking to this." I'm like, "Listen." I ain't got no heaven to help, but people ain't like, "That's not, listen. What you do is you do what I do what I do." And I held on to an idol that I couldn't let go of. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, "This is not what I ask for.

I just want to follow your word. I left corporate America to come do this thing here in 2018. I'm like, this ain't, mm-hmm, I'm good, I'm good. And then, it just kept bugging me and bugging me. I knew what the Lord was saying. I just, no, I'm good. I'ma just take the wrapper out of my eye. You can eat, no, I don't even eat this sandwich. I'ma just eat it just as is. Ah, man. And then, one, one early morning. It's a month for a closet. (upbeat music) I'm so tired of people bothering me about this. Who cares? Like, I'm good. I'm going to heaven. I know I'm safe. It ain't that serious. Like, it's not idle. It's okay. And then I said, "Okay." I said, "God, if you want me to give this up, if this is what you want, I'm only going to read one scripture, one only. I'm not even though I'm just going to do this, and I'm going to put my hand down, and I'm going to see what you say." Let me tell you something. I'm going to tell you something. Don't ever ask God to do that. Okay? Don't, you don't want that. I opened the Bible and I go to Jeremiah, chapter 11, and talks about idols. And I said, "Oh, my God. All right. All right. I get it. I get it." Now, watch this. Before I had the onion inside of me, before I had the foreknowledge to do it, I went to the door and opened it. I didn't wait to hear the voice. I didn't wait to assume that I knew what to do. I got up. I went to my closet. Lord, don't clip this. And I just grabbed everything. Everything. I grabbed everything. I grabbed jackets. I grabbed my cane. I grabbed everything I had. My throne. My pearl. I grabbed it all. Now, watch this. I put it inside of a bag, and I don't tell anybody.

I don't tell anybody. I grabbed the bag. I took it to the office quietly, and I slid it in Pastor Philip's office. I never said nothing to him. I was good. I was like, "Listen, this is between me and my wife. We're not going to tell anybody at the store. It is what it is." And then one day, we're in the office. He had come in for a little while, actually, and he came in, and he, you know, Pastor Philip, he walked into the bag, and he would put trash in my office. He didn't even look in. He was like, "Oh, put trash in my office." And then he opened it. Let me get a cry. He said, "I don't know. I was, ironically, I was too late." I came back to the office. I'm like, "Wow, what everybody up in here standing for?" Because I forgot the bag was in there. I forgot. He said, "You do this." I explained to them a story. He said, "Wow." I said, "It's crazy because I kept asking God, I want to go back to ministry. I want to go back to ministry. I want to go back to serving your people. I want to go back to doing what you call me to do. I wanted to do this work God. I know the corporate America is not just my place. I know God that you've called me into a place of ministry. God, I got, "What do you want me to do?" And then he asked me to give up something, and I'm like, "This is not what I asked for." I didn't ask for this. No, no, no, I didn't ask for that. No, no, no, I'm good." The colleagues said, "This is exactly what you mean." And that was a year ago. I haven't said a word to anybody about it. My staff knows. I said, "I don't have anybody. My family is Greek." They said, "I don't have anybody able to put you in." I made the decision. I made the choice. It was my conviction. And I chose that I personally would rather be confident that I did the right thing than be unsure. Now, what does any of this have to do with the message? Everything. This is not what I asked for. But it is exactly what I need. See, had I not, and I not made that decision. I don't believe that God would trust me to be on this planet one, sharing this lesson. See, sometimes God allows Greek to happen, to test if you'll trust Him in that season, so they can give you what you need in the next. can you handle this and still love me in I trust you no matter what in good days and in bad days. I will still give you praise. I don't care what I've gone through. I don't care what I've experienced. This isn't what I asked for but God, this is what I needed, your grace and your mercy is sufficient. It lives and last throughout all generations that you will put me by green pastures and steel waters.

You restore my soul. Grief and pain, disappointment, shame and guilt does not have to have a hold on you. May you pray fervently, honestly. How's these days? Even with tears coming down your eyes. Pray when it doesn't make sense. Pray when you feel like nobody loves you. Pray when you feel like they've forgotten about you. Pray like it is all on God and not only pray. Watch this and believe that the answer is at the door. This is not what I asked for. This is exactly what you need. I'm going to say this and then I'm going to get out your way. It's so interesting how the gospel is all connected. Jesus has found everywhere and all of it, Peter's knocking at the door. The Bible says that Jesus is knocking on the door of your heart. Peter is in prison and is set free. Jesus is in a grave and he is set free. Peter in verse number 17 and 18 gives a message to James. The brother of Jesus literally gives a message to the next apostle and says keep fighting the good fight of faith and Jesus has come so that you and I can have keys to the kingdom. We are a living example of what happens when somebody answers the door and today God is giving you the opportunity to answer the door of you. Nothing on your heart. He says when you hear my voice harden not your heart. What does that mean? That means do not give the enemy an opportunity to convince you that what you're feeling is not real. That is an attack of the enemy that you have been set up by the Holy Spirit to walk in here and to hear sermon about pain and grief and you're like this isn't what I asked for. God's like this is exactly what you need. See you needed to hear that pain is real and that God can love you through your pain and your grief. See you need to hear that he is a good good father. You need to hear that in spite of what your mother and your father they may have forsaken you but he can't. You need it to hear that your shame and your guilt does not block you from the love of God. You need to hear that the mistakes that you've made in your past do not keep you from his holy love and grace. You need to hear that you might have come out of the club just a few hours ago and you came in here with your friend but he is ready to set you free. So if I'm talking to you just say you've been preaching up and down my street this whole time all up in my business that's not me that's the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit knew exactly what he was doing when he brought you in here to keep you the opportunity to accept Christ as your Lord and Savior. Do not walk out of this room assuming that you have another shot. You do not. You do not know when your last day is coming. Death is guaranteed for all of us. Time is running out. I could literally get on a plane tomorrow and die. It is a very strong

possibility but if I do I've got the blessed assurance that I'll close my eyes on earth and I'll open them in heaven. And some of you need that blessed assurance. Some of you need the confidence, the confidence to know that our loving Savior loves you. He died on the cross with our sins. He was buried in a borrowed tomb and for three days he stayed there and on the third day he got up watches with all power. (gentle music) just pull you from darkness wusses into his marvelous light so if i'm talking to you he says god is saying i i i he said i need you another life that you had it's not what you asked for but he's trying to give you a new one today if i'm talking to you i know you're in the room i just want you to put your hands up very quickly do not be embarrassed do not be ashamed no one there we go put him up high and god bless you probably be here god bless you god bless you god bless you god bless you god bless you god see you go back i see you over there god bless you he puts your hands down listen i'm gonna tell you something it's an attack of the enemy for you to assume for the attack of the enemy we'll get you to assume that in the morning when you wake up and you pray that the feelings that you have today were fake okay don't allow the enemy to do that will you be high and exuberant and excited i don't know but what i can promise you is the decision that you made today is really what i can promise you is that if you just keep coming back if you plug in you serve you love you you be a part of community you join the squad you build community with folks around you right now and you let them know that i want to keep coming back will your life be perfect no but will it be better yes and that is what this crystal wall is about though he there forever may be those cycles that's what we do last monomies and then on it i'm gonna get out your way i promise this is the last day i feel this this this inclination at 28 19 i told us you know we don't do membership we don't do membership we don't do membership we don't do membership is god called us to make disciples they didn't call us to make members all right so there's no members in roster you know there's this let this just keep coming back we don't own because that makes this like you know all you like oh that's my member that was not the huge individual you come here you see the gospel you go and it's one day god cost you to another place to another church by all means it's only if you're in a place that healthy gospel centric word that's all that matters to us

yet and i just believe there are people in this room that want to call this place home you've been you've been sneaking up in these rooms for the last couple of months and about to feel the baby here i see your face and you feel like man i i want i want to play call this place home i want to get locked in i want to serve want to find a community this is this is this feels like home to me it feels like a place that i want to be planted won't you know this is a good place as they used to stay back and they good ground good soil fertile soil where you can be planted and grow do not forsake assembly so very quickly if i'm off then i'm off but if if i'm talking to you i can be online digitally and this is my home if i'm in the room and i believe this is my home i just want you to raise your hand up 28 19 can we celebrate these people our brothers and sisters in christ welcome to the family excellent listen to everyone that opened raise their hand be it to accept price or to be a part of this community there's a tent so you go out of the great door there's a tent a tent that says connect corner i want you to go there they're gonna give you a basket and in that basket they're gonna give you a bag and inside of that bag you're gonna find a bible you're gonna find information there'll be an answer questions that you may have about this ministry about the decision that you may pray with you love on you get you connected and be a part of what god is doing here at 28 19 i want you to be faithful if you're giving be thankful you're giving because what god is doing here at this church and in this season is amazing i got a meeting tomorrow and trust me god is going to do something special be here next sunday when pastor philip comes back there's an announcement that i believe Listen, if you've been blessed by the word, put your hands together as our vision cast has come.