Freedom Isn't Just Possible, But Repeatable

Well, hey, forever family. Good to see you guys. Hey, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with drugs and alcohol and perfectionism. My name is Rodney. Wow, that never gets old, never gets old. So good to see you guys. You're ready for day three. Oh, yeah, awesome. Well, hey, I want to ask you if you don't raise your hand on this, OK? But have you ever thought, and to yourself, this is the last time that this will happen, or this is the last time that I'm going to do this. And then you've found yourself right back there again. Boy, I know I have. I think that's kind of how things work in recovery. We have these chains. And what I love about Celebrate Recovery, when we think about 35 years, there's a lot of freedom in this place, isn't there? God has done amazing things in your life. But here's the reality, I think, especially when we think about people who fall into leadership, sometimes we can get into that mindset that there's this one thing that I can't let anybody know about. And it's almost like we're carrying this heavy chain. And we're striving, and we're trying, and we're trying to accomplish, and if I could just get better, I could do it under my own power.

I don't have to let God know about this, although he already knows, right? I certainly don't have to let my community know. And so we try, and we thrive, and we strive, and then we snap right back, don't we? Just that feeling of here we go again. It's not just a thought in this space. There's something happening inside of us, isn't there? There's this battle, this churning in my heart and my spirit. It's happening in my body, it's happening in my reactions. Why does this come out of me? Why am I responding this way? Why are my relationships being affected this way? There's something inside of us that we're trying. We're striving, and we feel powerless to do it, and we feel maybe you've heard that lie that I'm too broken to do this under my own power. Maybe God's got grace for everyone else, but not for me. But I just want to tell you, you're not too broken. That God's got a plan for you, and even that thing that you're striving to hold on to. May today be the day that you let go of whatever that is. That we give that to the Father. See, in this space, we know the right thing to do. In fact, we even love the Lord. We want to walk in that freedom. But we're just feeling like this is the one thing that we can't do, and we can't give to the Father. And so we're striving to do it under our own power. And so we bind to this mindset is change really possible.

God, you've done all of this, but this one thing just feels like it's too much. I don't know if I can trust you with this. And here's the thought I want you to hold on to over the next little bit, that freedom is not only possible. It's repeatable. That's the beauty of what we do in this process. God heals us so that we can then help the next person that walks in. Isn't that a gift to be able to do that? To say, I know where you are. I've been there. I may not know your experience, but I know what it's like to carry that under our own power. There's a couple passages that I want to kind of camp on as we go through this, that you kind of hold that central thought on. And one is Romans 12-2, where we see this reminder, do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our mind so that we'll be able to test and approve. God's good, pleasing, perfect will for our life. God has a plan for every single one of us. And as long as we're conforming to our old ways of dealing with this, we can't fully walk in His will and His purpose for our life. So He's transformed us in our salvation, and yet He is transforming us. He's renewed me, and He is still renewing me. Another passage that you might look past in Luke chapter 6, verse 40, "The student is not above the teacher."

There is a God, and I'm not it. The student is never above the teacher, but early on we think that maybe I'm supposed to, maybe I'm supposed to have the power, but the scripture says the student is not above the teacher, but listen to this next line that's really compelling for me. But everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher. Now, that fully trained is what I want you to camp on because it's central meaning in the scripture has a broader context. It means to be fully restored, repaired. It means to put something back in its proper condition. It's the same word we'll use to mend a torn net in the scripture, or to reset a broken bone. God wants to fully repair us in this space. And if He calls us to be renewed and transformed, it must mean that it's possible. But do I believe that in my heart of hearts? Maybe it is possible. And over the last 35 years, we've seen a lot of transformation. That's what I love about Celebrate Recovery. It's not a behavioral management program. Jesus didn't die to make a bunch of bad people behave. When we receive Jesus Christ, we are called holy. That's pretty crazy, isn't it? I have not been real holy in my life, but He calls me holy because I'm a child of God. But Jesus died to make His holy people healthy. And sometimes we miss that other side of the grace, the gospel message, we need salvation, but we also need that same power to help us face whatever's got us stuck.

So why do we get stuck? Why do we get stuck in this space? And I think to answer that question, we have to understand something much deeper that, yes, we're dealing with sin patterns, right? We're broken people in a sinful world, and I have sinful nature and so do you. So yes, we're dealing with sinful patterns, but we're also dealing with something deeper. We're dealing with wounded patterns. And in our walk, because we're broken people and hurt people, hurt people, we bump into each other, don't we? And that woundedness is something that we're leaning into in the Celebrate Recovery process. So one of the things that I want to lean into why we get stuck is trauma. Now, sometimes we get hung up on that word trauma, but if you look at the language in the Word of God, it just translates to wound. Anybody in the room escape life without woundedness? I saw a couple of hands going, "No, I'm just kidding, I didn't." Come see me if you have figured that out, because it's impossible. We live in a broken world. We need Jesus because we experience wounds in this life and trauma. It's not just those big events that we talk about with trauma, but it's maybe the years of neglect, or maybe it's rejection. Maybe it's this chaos that we're living in in our life. And here's where the enemy will get us, that thing that we're holding on to, trying to strive to accomplish under our own power.

He kind of whispers to us just like he did Adam and Eve and says, "You can't show anybody that." And then we hide in the bushes, don't we? Because we don't want anybody to see this. You can see all of this, just can't let you see this. But Jesus has a bigger plan. See, the trauma, the wounds in our life, they train our nervous system to expect danger. And the thing of it is that the woundedness, the trauma, isn't just a memory, it's living in my body. It lives in my body. If you've ever read the book, the body keeps the score. You understand what I'm talking about. It lives inside the body. And even when the circumstances around me are changing, because I've not healed what's broken inside of me, is keeping me in chains, my body still stays on high alert. It expects danger because I've not yet allowed Jesus to touch this part that I've hidden in my life. So we'll overreact with small triggers. I know none of you have ever done that. Shut down emotionally or live in a constant fear of losing control of the things that are going on around you. Listen to Isaiah 26, verse 3, You will keep imperfect. I don't know about you, but I know from experience living in those seasons where there was a one or two things that God, I gave you all this, but this one thing, the chaos that I can't take to you kept me in that chaotic mindset. But he says, if you want a steadfast mind, you got to come to me. You got to bring it to me. See, peace is not just a spiritual concept. It's this regulated,

grounded state that God desires for us even after the woundedness that you've experienced in your life. Because in our woundedness, we form these messages inside of ourselves. And one of those messages can be, I'm not safe. And somebody that lives their life feeling like they're not safe is dysregulated. Or we can start believing that people are not safe. And let's be honest, there are some people that are not safe. But it doesn't mean that all people are not safe. And when we're in our woundedness and our rejection, our abandonment, we don't know the difference. I love and celebrate recovery. One of the first things that we do, and it might have freaked you out a little bit, it did me a little bit, we come in and we start with our introductions. And you're like, oh my gosh, I got to share my inventory. He's like, no, you don't share your inventory and your introduction. If you've ever been around that person that does that, you're like, please, one or two issues, okay? But I digress. I love from day one, we learn that our identity is in Jesus Christ. It's not in what we walked in here with. And the enemy is going, stay hiding in the bushes. If they see that inside your heart, they are going to reject you and abandon you just like those other people did. Isn't that a sick, sick mindset of the enemy? But here's the thing, the enemy cannot take away our identity in Christ. But through the pain in our life, we can't experience a wounded identity. And many of us are still walking with that wounded identity. See, rejection, abandonment, the woundedness doesn't just hurt our feelings. It begins to question our worth, doesn't it? Maybe I don't have value. And when that abandonment, that rejection, that woundedness from the wounds of the trauma in our life happened early in our life, or repeatedly, we find ourselves internalizing those messages we talk about in the hang-ups that I'm not enough, I'm too much, I'm unlovable, I will be left again. And so we stay in this place of rejection or protection. Isaiah 27, 10 is a passage I love because if you are someone that grew up in a broken home and you've experienced someone that should have been safe for you and you got hurt or dropped, by the way, Celebrate Recovery is not about shaming our families. That's why a lot of people, I'm not, why are you going there? They're just shaming us. No, one of the greatest beautiful things about Celebrate Recovery is there is a value in being honest, and it doesn't mean I'm dishonoring. In fact, I think one of the most honoring things we can do is be honest. But some of us have experienced some of those things growing up, and I love this passage in Psalm 27, 10, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." Do you love that? No matter what has happened in your life,

the Lord has said, "I got you. I got you. I'm going to hold you in this space." And when that rejection, that abandonment, and the woundedness that we've experienced becomes that loudest voice in our life, it begins to affect how we see ourselves, how we see God, how we see others, how we see our circumstances, and we begin to believe that we deserve the worst. Unresolved trauma can be so costly. But I think another reason we get stuck is something called attachment, and attachment is just how we learn to relate to the other people in our life. Growing up in a broken home, multiple stepfathers, I had experiences where men were very unsafe for me because they should have been my protector and they gave me the opposite of that. But we start to have to lean into this process and in the inventory to look at what is the woundedness, how did I learn to relate to other people? You and I are wired for connection. That's God's design. He even says to love him and love others. That's how we're wired, but we are shaped by our pain. And we have to lean into that. And we which Celebrate Recovery helps us to bring it front and center to take that space of healing. That's, it begins to, if we don't address it, it affects and impacts how we connect with God and other people, and there's a high cost. And just to be vulnerable with you in my own walk, because of the brokenness in my own family system, I'd kind of end up in two ditches. And sometimes in the same day, maybe the same moment, one ditch is this over here of, we become very clingy, right? Please love me, codependency, right? Because we have a core fear of abandonment. If we've had people leave us, maybe if I just work harder to make you love me, you won't be another person to leave me. So we can go to that ditch, or we can go to this ditch over here where we become avoidant. And the core fear in that is we have a fear of closeness. That's not God's design, is it?

I can't, and that's where we get that hard heart, don't we? No one will ever hurt me again. So we keep a stiff arm, don't we? And that's not God's design. See, the past hurts, shapes how we relate to other people, how we attach in healthy relationships or not. These are just learn survival skills. That's the heart of Proverbs 4, 23, above all else guard your heart for everything you do flows from that. If I have a wounded heart, guess what's going to flow from that? How I interact with you, how I interact with God even, and even my circumstances. And that wounded heart from my past can often determine how I love, trust, and protect myself in the present. And then we have the nervous system. Well, the nervous system is so smart, isn't it? This is why we react so fast. See, our body will react before our theology has an opportunity to respond. I know the right answer, but because I have this unaddressed stuff going on in my heart, my body just reacts. Where did that anger come from? Why did I do that? Because there's something inside of me that has yet to be addressed. It kind of reminds me of Paul's words,

and you heard Johnny talk about this earlier in verse 19 of chapter 7 of Romans, "For I do not do the good I want to do but the evil. I do not want to do but this I keep on doing." We want to do right. And this is where we're trying. If I could just be better and every time that reaction comes out of us, we go, "Man, now the shame and the guilt is there." I keep snapping back into my old protections because I've not addressed the core root pain happening in my heart. See, rejection, abandonment wounds that are not addressed. And here's the heartbreaking thing. And even some of us in the room, we've experienced freedom just that we could just shout praises for. But there's some areas of our life that we're still not walking in freedom. And we're still that six-year-old boy, or that eight-year-old little girl, or that 15-year-old kid that experienced some woundedness. And we are looking today through the lens of yesterday. And it's distorting my present. And here's the reality, it's shaping my future. What God wants us to lean into and say, that's not what my destiny is for your life. That's not my purpose. Let's repair that. Let's mend this. Let's get you on a purpose to not waste those hurts

that happen to you in your life. Unhealed trauma doesn't stay in the past. It quietly informs our future. So we may settle for unhealthy relationships when we haven't healed that wound. Or we may avoid opportunities out of fear. Boy, the perfectionist in this one of my struggles, the perfectionist, kind of our game plan, our mission statement is, I'm just not gonna do anything so you don't say I fail. Carol Dweck talks about these two tracks of fear that I think are so important. One is a rigid mindset. This is a mindset that we have this fear that if I go this way and I fail, I'm finished. It's a rigid mindset. What God wants is this other track for us is a growth mindset. There's still fear in that, but the fear is, I fear that if I don't try, God, this is hard and I'm scared, but I fear that if I don't give this to you and at least dive into the wounds and the trauma and the attachment wounds and listen to how my nervous system is responding, I'm going to regret it because I know you've got a bigger plan for me in my life. May we all go into this growth mindset. I love how Randy Garris puts it about just understanding, taking back a little bit to my grad school days, but we all have kind of this ball of emotions inside of us. And some of us have learned some emotions that are okay to feel and some emotions that are not okay to feel.

In my family system, my mom was manic-depressant. They now call it bipolar, but she would have these huge ups and huge downs. And so our home was pretty loud and there was a lot of yelling and a lot of anger in our home. And so anger was kind of a permissible emotion. Now I would still get in trouble if I showed it sometimes. I would kind of cross the line there, but it was a permissible emotion. What I learned, I was never stated, but I learned covertly, is sadness is not allowed here. Because every time I showed sadness, being the oldest of four boys, actually have an older brother who was adopted out into foster care, but I was the oldest of four boys, I was kind of- I kind of stepped into that leadership role as kind of a dad, even as a little boy. And if I showed sadness, mom would spin out. And so I learned as a little boy, step on that. And so what Randy Garris says is that when we have emotions that we don't understand and we can't organize, when we can't share what we feel like we should share, like sadness, we'll transfer them to emotions that were permissible. And so those around me at a high cost would see anger. What they didn't realize is it was a scared little boy that was sad and just needed comfort. But I didn't know how to talk about that. Celebrate Recovery gave me emotional intelligence to lean into that space. So why do we get stuck? That's an important question. But why do we keep going back to those old coping strategies? Why do we keep going back to that? Many behaviors that trouble us today are the things that actually were our survival. They became our protections, people pleasing, keep everybody happy and everything will be wonderful. But what an exhausting strategy, huh? Perfectionism, keep my life perfect and everyone else's life around me perfect.

Boy, talk about disappointment, right? Control, emotional numbness, all these flaws. Why do I keep going back to those old strategies? Because they made sense. And it feels weird to say that, doesn't it? I'm not saying that they're right, but they make sense in context of our story. They're not random. They're solutions that my brain created to stay alive. So even something like addictions, and I struggle with addictions, just about anything you could put in your body. I put in my body to the strategy was to numb pain because I didn't know how to talk about the pain or about control. The strategy was to create safety, where isolation was to avoid rejection. If you're not around people, nobody can reject you. That's not God's design though, is it? There's a cost to that. The habits that I formed that I hated, they once helped me survive. And Proverbs 14, 12 says it this way. There's a way that appears right to be right to man, but in the end it leads to death. It seemed right in the moment. And let's be honest, Mack and I have talked about this. They weren't the problem. They were solutions. They were just the wrong solution because they do bring some level of comfort, even for a moment, but then the shame and the guilt and over time it just leads to destructive thinking and habits. Randy Garris talks about these three tracks. If we can't talk about emotions, we'll transfer them to those that are permissible, but the second thing that we'll do is we'll transfer them to things that are physical. And that's where we see drugs and alcohol and pornography and sex, abusing food.

I didn't have another butter problem. and all those things to try to comfort to heal those wounds. But he talks about these three different levels. We have a negative strategy and it makes sense. We can all say, well, I know what a negative strategy is. That's the pornography, the drugs, all that stuff, right? But there is a neutral one, too. Let me give you an example of a neutral strategy. And my addictive personality, I've been here. If I don't work out in the gym for three and a half hours every day, I am nothing. Now, let me be clear. Some of you are going to go home and say, Rodney said, don't work out. He said it. Look at the tape. There's nothing wrong. There's no one going to be outside your gym saying, I'm sorry, sir, three hours and two minutes, you're under arrest, right? We can get away with it. There's nothing wrong with working out. But if I'm using it as a strategy to heal what's broken inside of me, then it does become dysfunctional. So there are neutral things. Now, here's where I might step on toes and I'm stepping on my own. Sometimes there's positive strategies. I've been doing this for 21 years and I could remember when I first started teaching and leading worship, I didn't realize it in the moment, but I wasn't doing it for the Lord. I was doing it to the Lord because I wanted to feel better about this little boy that never experienced healing. I was early in my recovery journey and I was trying to make myself feel better. And here's the cost to that. When you make a mistake, and that's your strategy doing to the Lord versus for the Lord, when things go bad, you are a mess. And when I would make a mistake, I couldn't wait to get back on the platform to make it right so that I could feel good again. That is such a vicious cycle. I lead groups to heal what's broken inside of me. I sponsor to heal all that. If that's my strategy, it becomes dysfunction. It needs to be the fruit of an interaction with God in the body of Christ. God, I do this. I teach. I lead. I do worship. Whatever that is, I lead small groups. I work in the kitchen not to make myself heal what's broken inside, but to show the fruit of what you're doing inside of me. And that's such an important distinctive for us to be mindful of. So why do we keep going back? It makes sense. That's our strategy. But then there's a question that comes to mind. Why does it feel like things are getting worse when we do it? I like to think, and we used to call it book one through four. Now we call it volume one, two, three, four, because it's one book. Volume one or book one is where we get stabilization.

And I love it because it's all about getting us into the relationship with Jesus. It's like, hey, things are going bad. Are you God? No, okay, I'm not God. There is a God. I'm not it. Oh, I matter to him. He loves me. I can turn my life and my will over to him. Stabilization. Sometimes when you go to a hospital, you need to get stabilized before they go into surgery to get your blood pressure under control, get your oxygen level, whatever that is, so that we can go do volume two, which I don't really like that. It's the reconstruction. It's the repair. It's the restoration. It's the mending process. And oftentimes, this is where people will get stuck. And so I want to lean into that, give you a couple things around that, why things can get worse. One, it disrupts what you've managed. You've managed under your own power for so long, and it seems like it's a good strategy. No, it's not working, but it sure is familiar in what is familiar becomes comfortable, doesn't it? At least, I know what to expect in this world. But it disrupts those old strategies of how I've managed my life. See, you're not just losing a habit. You're losing an entire coping system. And that feels like death. We're literally cutting off something that's been attached to us in anything that has to be removed, does feel like death. And so yeah, you're disrupting what you've managed. Hebrews 12, 11 says, "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." Later on, that's the hope, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been. There's that word again, "trained." when they get into that volume two or book two, step four process, it's like things that kind of settle down. I've got a relationship with Jesus. I think I've got it. And it's sad, isn't it, when we see people do that, but it makes sense because it feels scary. This has been a part of your life. We're disrupting that old way of life. I think another reason that it becomes feels like it gets worse is awareness comes before relief. If you go home this weekend and you go into your master bedroom and you flip on the light switch and there is a foot deep of rattlesnakes living in your bedroom. I know I'm sorry I triggered the snake people. You could do a couple things. You could turn the light off, shut the door, don't go in there. Is that going to change that there's snakes living in your bedroom? I think sometimes we confuse, when we turn the light on and it reveals things, we think that it's getting worse. So why would I go do that? Now we're just turning the light on to reveal what's always been there to begin with. And so it feels like when we get into the room

and we turn the light on, you're not too broken. It just means you're becoming more awake and alive to face the thing that's literally killing you. And so sometimes that awareness has to come before the relief. Search me, oh God, know my heart. Is there anything in my heart? As the psalmist said, it saddens you. I want to give it to you, Father. You're not too broken. You're just more awake and that's good news. I think the third thing is what was buried comes up. We've been burying it. Shove it down, right? Shove it down. We can't see this. Those memories, those wounds, those patterns. When exposure happens, it doesn't mean you're taking a step backward. It just means it's an invitation to a better life. This ain't working. And the Holy Spirit says, hey, let me bring your attention to this. Ephesians 5, 11 have nothing to do with fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. That's scary. It's hard. It feels like it's getting worse, but you may actually be healing. I think a big one for me is that grief is required in this process and that's really hard in it. I love the way Dan Allender puts it, that sadness is what was meant to be isn't. Another layer is grief. What isn't meant to be is. And that reality is Dallas Willard says that reality is just what is. Pain is what happens when we bump into reality. There's a cost. What was meant to be isn't. What isn't meant to be is and that can be hard, but here's the thing. Psalm 34, 18 reminds us, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit. Now, here's a cool thing. We typically stop there with that verse, but I love the added part there. This is such a powerful thing that he says, his righteous people will experience troubles of many kinds. And don't miss this. And I will deliver them from them all. How cool is that? So he didn't just show up and go, man, yeah, this really does suck. Sorry. Once you know, I love you, the crushed in spirit, I'm here with you, but we're going to do something about it. I just need you to acknowledge it. See, our body is literally retraining. Our brain is rewiring. We're renewing. We're storing our soul. We're rewiring this brain. And your nervous system learns survival instincts. Now it's learning peace. And that feels good, but it feels hard and it can feel like we want to run away from that fight-flight freeze that we can fall into. And this is the place that we'll want to quit. This is the place when we get to that volume, too. It's like, you know, this seemed like a good idea when we got started. But I don't know, this feels like it's too, too much. I don't know if I can handle this. And so we say, maybe as the Israelites, that story when they're going to the Promised Land and they're facing giants. And they start going, man, those giants are big. Let's go back to Egypt. It was a good old

It's like, what are you talking about, man? But that's what we'll do to ourselves. We'll try to trick ourselves. Maybe I don't want to do this. Maybe it was better before. Maybe this isn't working. Maybe I should just go back to what I was doing. That's not truth. That's a lie from the enemy. The important thing is to know that God is working beneath the surface even though it may be hard. Yes, it'll be difficult, but it will be so worth it. So how does healing actually happen? Safe relationships. Safe relationships. Volume one is about learning how to establish a safe relationship with the Father. This is why when I'm sponsoring, guys, I will remind them just because principle seven is later in the curriculum doesn't mean you can't start principle seven today. If you wait to go through all of this process of looking at your trauma and your wounds and attachment history, all that stuff and evaluating how you respond and react to the world and you haven't reserved a daily time with God, whoo, that's a lot. We need a safe connection, safe community and a communion with the Father. Healing happens when we feel seen and heard

and know that we're not rejected. To be open and honest, there's something powerful about being in those small groups in there. When God meets us in that space and he puts these others around us and we get open and honest. And one of my favorite things to hear is what I'm about to tell you, I've never told anybody. You know my very first open share meeting, I did it saddle back at the first summit I went to. And I said those words when I'm about to tell you, I've never told anybody. And I was trusting God, I'm going to trust that you're here, that you're not going to leave me. And I said the words and I expected people were going to reject me, laugh at me, call the ministry leaders and say, "We found the really screwed up guy." (congregation laughing) But they didn't, you know what they said? Thanks for sharing Rodney. (congregation laughing) That's crazy, isn't it? Oh my gosh. But we got to start with this developing rhythms of silence and solitude with the Father. Get alone with Him, just be with Him. Be still with Him. That we walk with Him, that's a gospel message to be with Him, to hear His Spirit.

And I love the scripture that says where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And Galatians five, not regulations in a while, go check out chapter five, it's such a powerful chapter. We see things like in verse 16, walk by the Spirit. Verse 18, be led by the Spirit. Verse 24 and 25, live by and keep in step with the Spirit. When we can believe the gospel message, we can then follow His Spirit. But we got to hang out with Him to hear His Spirit. And here's the cool thing about that. Why do we do that, what do we walk and keep in step and all that stuff? Because verse 22 says, the fruit of the Spirit. You want the fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, all those things that we long for in our heart, in our life, right? To be able to organize those emotions. If you want to have that kind of fruit, then you got to hang out with God. And yes, there's a process of addressing the woundedness and all that stuff, but make sure we're doing it in the presence of God. And we need each other. We need each other. I can't imagine anyone trying to walk through this process without other people being around them to unpack this ball of emotions that are stuck inside of me. It reminds me of two different characters, Samson and David.

These are two men called by God to do great things. I think Samson led Israel for 20 years or something. So we have all the great things that they're doing. But if you look in the scripture, there's not any record of healthy relationships around Samson other than his parents. David though has got Jonathan, he's got his mighty warriors. And you may say, well, but David did some stupid things, Rodney. Do you know that those people were not around him when he did that? We need each other. We need people. We need the errands and the hers and the Joshua's and the Caleb's like Moses had. We need each other. And this space helps create a regulated presence in this dysregulated presence. Some of us are forming our life and our narratives today based on what the six-year-old is still holding onto. And we're wondering why we're not walking in freedom. So why do I keep snapping back to this? We need this regulated space to lean into Isaiah 49. Can a mother forget a baby that she nurses, even if she could, I will never forget you. Ah, I can breathe. Jeremiah 31, "He loved you with an everlasting love." Psalm 52, "The steadfast love of God lasts forever." I want that kind of regulation in my dysregulated life. And then we learn to the process of replacing those lives with truth, and sometimes we have to have people around us

and say, "Hey, I'm believing this. "I know it's not true, but I gotta say it out loud." And as soon as you say it out loud, it kind of diminishes it, right? Emotions are always tied to a deeper story. What am I feeling right now? And here's an important thing when we think about our story, and guys, this has been my posture in recovery. I used to look at my story as the final verdict or the prosecutor. Sitting down with my prosecutor for lunch doesn't sound like a real good party. (congregation laughing) I wanna stay away from my prosecutor. But if I look at, instead of my story as a prosecutor and look at it as a teacher, what could your story teach you about yourself? Even if you're trying to understand why you do what you do and why you react the way you do, we're trying to understand the good reasons, and that's that step four inventory process so that we can then take ownership and honestly responsibility for the part that we've done 'cause nobody has escaped hurting someone else in this world because hurt people hurt people. Your story is not a verdict, it's just information. And the story's not over. God's not done with us, right? (congregation clapping) Then we move into this posture of repetition,

rewiring, healing is practiced. Every time you choose connection over isolation, you're rewiring your brain, you're restoring your soul. Every time you go to the Father and create these rhythms to be with Him and get in His Word, you're saturating your mind with new and different things. Every time you go to that meeting when you felt too tired and didn't wanna go, you're rewiring your brain. We need repetition and healing is practiced and it needs repetition. What you practice, you rewire. And God's designed for renewal is not some psychological babble. It's actually His design. He designed that for us. We're transformed, we're repaired through renewal. We heal in relationships and friends, we need truth and love in our life, don't we? Second Corinthians 5, 17, therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, the old is gone, the new is here. And Philippians 1, 6, He who began a good work and you will carry it on a completion until the day of Christ Jesus. See, you can change even this one thing you've been holding onto. You can change it because God designed that brain that's been impacted to rewire. God designed for your soul to be restored

from the chaos toward peace. God designed that healing happens in the context of the community with Him being right there smack dab in the middle of that. I love Galatians 5.1. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. I don't want to live as a slave anymore. You know, it's the thing in the Old Testament, my wife and I are reading through the Old Testament and it's fascinating how many times we see the Israelites go back to these false gods. It's like, are you an idiot? And then I think about my story. (congregation laughing) But they would, depending on the time, it'd be a tabernacle or a temple. It was the equivalent of going out back the back end of their house and building this little mound and having their own false gods to sneak out in the middle of the night to go deal with this thing that they can't give to God. And many of us are in that space, aren't we? And I'll say that in a shaming way, but hopefully in a convicting way from the Holy Spirit. You don't need Baal and Alshara false gods in your life. You've got the creator of the cosmos who loved you enough to send his one and only son,

Jesus Christ, to die for you, so that you could not only have your salvation, but that same power that raised Jesus from the dead, living inside of you, that even this, you can take to him. Is that good news or what? (audience applauds) Freedom is not just possible, it's repeatable. You know, there's a story that I ran across. It's kind of a simple, sweet story, but it really touched my heart as I was thinking about this time talking with you guys. It's this little boy, he loves to hang out in the back woods of his house, the kind of lives out in the country, and he loves to run around barefoot. Anybody loved to run around barefoot? Yeah, that's kind of weird. No, I'm just kidding. (audience laughs) I don't like my feet are too sensitive, I guess, I don't know, I'm not tough enough, but this little boy, he's running around outside, and he's hanging out, just enjoying living out in the woods, just exploring God's country, but he doesn't realize it, but he sees this sticker patch that he steps in with his little tiny barefoot. I think he's like eight years old. He's got these stickers now that are just crammed

into his foot, and he yells out a cry now, he's weeping, and he falls down to the ground, and his mom hears him in the house, he comes running out and she goes, "What's going on, what's going on?" And she said, "I've got stickers in my foot, Mom." And she says, "Well, let me look." He goes, "No, you can't touch it." Peaky swear right now, you will not touch my foot. She goes, "Son, I can't help, Mom, Peaky swear." Okay, okay, son. She pinky swears him, "I will not touch your foot." Now what do we do, son? 'Cause I don't know, I don't know, and he's crying, and it's just this sad picture of this little boy just crying, and he's like, "I don't know what to do." Mom, let's just pray that these stickers will just fall out on their own, and he's sincere about it, right? She said, "Honey, I don't think that's gonna happen." And so they're having this dialogue, it's a sweet dialogue, a very secure relationship between a mom and a son, and they finally get to this conversation. She says, "All right, son, let's just pray to God." She called him Papa God, let's go pray to Papa right now that he would give you bravery and courage to be able to pull these thorns out, son. I don't know, Mom. This banter back and forth, and she finally reaches

out her hand, and this little hand slips into Mama's hand. God, would you give my son some courage and bravery to be able to address these stickers that are stuck in his foot so that he's not in pain anymore? And over this long banter, he finally sits down, he puts his foot up, he's got a hole in me. She says, "Pull son, pull, keep pulling, keep pulling, keep pulling," he pulls one out. He's like, and he does this over and over until every one of these stickers come out. Now, why do I share that story? I think some of us have something much deeper inside of us. And there's this thing that's affecting us. It's affecting our walk. It's affecting what God wants to do in our life, and it's keeping us, it's limiting us from being the dad or the mom or the husband, the brother, the sister, the pastor, the ministry leader, the co-leader, whatever it is, it's keeping us from living out God's plan for our life. And we're stuck, and I could just see this posture of us sitting on the ground. I've been there, God, pinky swear, you don't touch this. And in a loving way, I could just see and just kind of like, (sighs) OK, I pinky swear, I will not touch it unless you invite me into it. He will honor that, won't he? He's not gonna make us face those wounds. He never leaves us nor abandon us.

He'll never forsake us. He'll walk with us every step of the way as we're limping along. Just waiting. Are you ready now? And at some point, here's where the enemy lies to us. He says, you know, those will probably take care of themselves. You should just be praying that it'll fall out. If you had a God that loved you enough, it would just fall out. You wouldn't have to deal with this stuff, right? Touch his on some wounds, didn't it? (audience clapping) God can only do what he wants to do in your life if you will invite him into it. In this striving, yeah. (audience clapping) This may sound weird, but I think it's so much easier to accomplish than it is to surrender. (audience murmuring) Surrendering requires swallowing my pride. It requires honesty and ownership saying, "God, yeah, you're right. "This is killing me." And I'm ready to let go of this, in my way of trying to manage this is not working. That's the heart of repentance, by the way. Repentance, and we kind of get hung up on that word, don't we? Repentance is just my acknowledgement that my way of managing this is not working.

And I'm giving it to you, Lord. God, come into this ball of twine, these emotions. Deal with this. And you may not even know what the words are for those emotions. Maybe you've been taught to not feel certain things. That's okay. He's a very gracious patient, God. But as we get honest about it and at least consider the possibility of allowing him into that, and we say, "God, I need to be honest. "I've been trying to manage this under my own power." It's time that I lay this down. (crowd cheering) (audience clapping) And it ain't gonna be easy. It ain't gonna be easy, but I promise you, it will be worth it. God has a plan for you guys, and here's what I know. Sometimes in leadership, the enemy says, well, you've been in leadership too long now. If you admit to this, if you invite people into this, we all need a handful of people in our lives that know our full story, don't we? Not 70 people, not 700 people, but maybe three or four people that know every part of you that can be a part of that accountability to love you and meet you in it, but also to point out the cracks in your armor

when they see it. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Some of you have some things here, and you've been trying to manage it. You've been living in your own wilderness, and it's affected your walk. It's affected your peace. It's affected the fruit of the spirit that we're promised if we just hang out with the Father. And so I wanna give you a gift in this time, just you and God, you don't have to say anything out loud, but in the final day of the summer, just to prepare your heart, and just invite God into that. Maybe in just with silent prayer, so we go into this next few minutes here, so God, there is something that I've been holding on to. And he's like, yeah, I know. I know you know, but you need me to acknowledge it, and so I wanna invite you into this Father. I just wanna sit in your lap for a few minutes. Just rest. Heart, help me to move toward you, and that's the thing with shame. The very heart of shame is our body's way of saying, "I desperately need connection right now." And what if we took the energy of shame that takes us into the bushes, and we move toward the one that can help defeat the shame in our life?

What if we did that? What if we took that to him, and we just sat with him, and maybe in this time, you just say, "God, "drown be close to you in this space. "You're all I want, God. "You're all I need. "I need you, Lord." It's the sweetest prayer we can pray, isn't it? Lord, I need you. So just in this space, take advantage of a few moments here. If you wanna close your eyes, just you and God, clear out the noise. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] Let me just bathe you with this word. God's word. [Music] Psalm 63 1 4 says, "You God are my God. Earnestly I seek you. I thirst for you. My whole being longs for you. In a dry and parched land. Where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and behold your power and your glory. Because your love is better in life. My lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live. And in your name I will lift up my hands." Just make this your prayer. Draw me close. [Music] Just make it your prayer to him right now. That I'm your friend. You are my desire. Yes Lord. No one else will tell. There's nothing else can take you place. To feel the warmth of your embrace. Sing it to him.

Help me find your way. You spring me back to you. Sing it to him. You're all I want. Yes Lord. You're all I've ever needed. You're all I want. Help me know you are near. Draw me close. Draw me close to you. Sing it to him directly. Never let me go. Lay it all down again. To hear you say that I'm a friend. You are my desire. Oh God. ♪ 'Cause nothing else can take your place ♪ ♪ To feel the warmth of your praise ♪ ♪ Help me find a way ♪ ♪ You'll spring me back to you ♪ ♪ You're all I want ♪ ♪ You're all I want ♪ ♪ You're all I'm ever needed ♪ ♪ You're all I want ♪ ♪ Help me know you are near ♪ ♪ You're all I want ♪ ♪ You're all I'm ever needed ♪ ♪ You're all I want ♪ ♪ Help me know you are near ♪ ♪ Help me know you are near ♪ ♪ Help me ♪ - I'm gonna read a passage to you. First, John 3-1-2, see what great love the Father has lavished on us. Don't you love that? He lavishes his love on us,

that we should be called children of God, and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we have has not yet been made known, but we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. He is, is that good news? So we need to proclaim this as we sing these words. Don't just sing it, know what you're singing, and say it out loud that God, this is what I'm proclaiming, and I'm gonna speak it to you, amen? ♪ I know who I am ♪ ♪ 'Cause I know who you are ♪ ♪ The cross of salvation ♪ ♪ Was so the star ♪ Sing it out. ♪ Now I am chosen ♪ ♪ Free and forget ♪ ♪ I have a future ♪ ♪ Yes, we're living ♪ ♪ 'Cause I was afraid to be ♪ ♪ To be afraid ♪ ♪ I was called by ♪ ♪ Born and raised back to life, like ♪ ♪ I was free ♪ Do you believe that? ♪ I was free ♪

♪ It's my way I've been ♪ ♪ I've been in my shame ♪ ♪ When I found to look at ♪ ♪ It's running my way ♪ ♪ I knew I had yours ♪ ♪ I was free ♪ Sing it out, man! ♪ I know who I am ♪ ♪ 'Cause I know who you are ♪ ♪ The cross of salvation ♪ ♪ Was only inside, yeah ♪ ♪ Now I am chosen ♪ ♪ Free and forget ♪ ♪ I have a future ♪ ♪ Yes, we're living ♪ ♪ Come on, proclaim it ♪ [MUSIC] [MUSIC] You call out my name. I sing out your bread. I'm near you, you buried my past, I'm not going fast. I'm near you, you call out my name. I sing out your bread. I'm near you, you buried my past, I'm not going fast. [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC]

[MUSIC] [MUSIC] You call out my name. I sing out your little prayers. I'm near you, you buried my past, I'm not going fast. I'm near you, you call out my name. I sing out your little prayers. I'm near you, you buried my past, I'm not going fast. I sing out your little prayers. I sing out your little prayers. I sing out your little prayers. I'm near you, you call out my name. [MUSIC] Oh my goodness. May God give you that kind of confidence in this space that you don't have to be tending a grave any longer. You don't have to bury that, whatever that is, it doesn't have to be there on its own any longer because of what he did on the cross. We have hope, and yes, it will be hard, but it will be worth it. Amen. Thank you guys. God bless you. Thank you so much. [MUSIC]