Freedom Encounter | Part 2 | Sexual Purity & Integrity

As we get into this next section, we just want to be reminded of who we are in the Lord, and we just want to celebrate who He is. So whenever you're ready, would you just stand and join us? You unravel me with the melody. You surround me with the song of deliverance from my enemies till all my fears are gone. I'm no longer a slave to fear. I am a child of God. Oh, I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. From my mother's womb. From my mother's womb, you have chosen me. Love has called my name. I've been born again into your family. Your blood flows through my veins. Oh, I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. I'm no longer a slave to fear. Thank you, Jesus. For I am a child of God. Oh, I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. You split the sea. You split the sea so I could walk right through it. My fears were drowned in perfect love. You rescued me and I will stand and sing.

I am a child of God. We believe that this morning. You split the sea so I could walk right through it. My fears were drowned in perfect love. You rescued me and I will stand and sing. I am a child of God. I am a child of God. I am a child of God. I am a child of God. Thank you, Jesus. And I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. I'm no longer a slave to fear. For I am a child of God. the word of God over our lives, and we do this because we believe that God's truth renews our minds, strengthens our faith, and helps us to combat the lies of the enemy. That's right. So in just a moment, words are going to appear on the screen. I'm going to read them, and you're going to repeat after me, and I want you to repeat after me with some power, okay? Here we go. Here's what it says. I belong to God. I belong to God. The enemy has no power over me. The enemy has no power over me. I will not serve two masters. I will not serve two masters. Jesus, you paid the price. Jesus, you paid the price. For me to be free. For me to be free. So I resist pride. So I resist pride. I renounce all greed and selfish ambition. I renounce all greed and selfish ambition. I renounce all fear and rejection. I renounce all fear and rejection. I will fear no evil, for God is with me. I will fear no evil, for God is with me. His word and His Spirit comfort me. His word and His Spirit comfort me. No weapon formed against me will prosper. No weapon formed against me will prosper. I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night. I will not be afraid of the terrors of the night. nor fear the dangers of the day. nor fear the dangers of the day. I belong to God. I belong to God. I am chosen by God. I am chosen by God. He has not rejected me. He has not rejected me. I am His workmanship. I am His workmanship. I am accepted. I am accepted. I am a new creation.

I am a new creation. I am more than a conqueror. I am more than a conqueror. I am healed. I am free. I am free. In Jesus' name, amen. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. And that's just the first section, everybody. Do me a favor and put your hands up. Let's stretch a little bit. Just a little stretch, okay? Maybe like bend over a little bit. Don't pull out your back. All right? You can have a seat. Before we continue, we're actually going to move into our next sections and teachings. And it's going to cover areas that impact all of us. Topics that include things like shame or abuse or neglect. And so some of those are more sensitive, but we want to just make you aware that's about what we're about to walk into. And though we might be afraid of talking about that, I mean, there's one prayer or confession that talks about the things our lips tremble to name, and it's topics like that. And so as we walk through these teachings together, here's what's important. Though it might be hard for us to articulate those and what we've experienced in those areas, God is not afraid of that. And all of that has been known by him, and he wants to heal us from that. And so we're going to be discussing purity, integrity, abuse, and shame. Yeah, and for some of us, these topics may carry pain, trauma, regret, embarrassment, or really difficult memories. And so we want you to know that we acknowledge that and that our goal is not condemnation, it's freedom. And so today we have two incredible leaders that are going to be sharing God's heart on these subjects today. And so we believe that you are in good hands. So once again, we invite you to lean in, to remain open to what God wants to do, and to really allow him to minister to your heart. So would you please help us in welcoming our next teacher, Matt Rodriguez. Hello, everyone. I'm Matt Rodriguez, as you can see. Really excited to be here with you guys. And like Jimmy and Nakia said, these are difficult topics and conversations and sometimes sensitive. But like they also said, and I just want to reiterate that, the Lord has something to say about all of these, and we want to hear what he has to say. Amen? Amen. So for this next section, we're going to talk about purity and integrity, specifically sexual purity and sexual integrity. So maybe just take a deep breath. Nobody ever really likes to talk about sexual sin. It's not a fun topic. But as I said, the Lord really does have wonderful things to say about this. So I'm excited for us to hear from him. What do you think about when you hear the word purity or integrity, just like in general? Some things that came to my mind when I thought about it was like a glass of water from a

glacier, you know, like the purest of waters you could ever taste. I've never tasted water from a glacier. My favorite water is Voss water. I never drink it because it's very expensive. So I'll buy the glass bottle and then just reuse it for months and years on end. It's like three bucks, that's not how much you wanna pay for a water bottle, but a one-time use, but if you use it for a year, that's a pretty good return on your investment, I think. Maybe you think about like a fresh blanket of snow, right? Like those images, I say images because I'm born and raised South Floridian, so I've only seen snow like four times in my life. But when I see the pictures on TV or on the internet of just like a fresh blanket of snow over somewhere, it just looks so pure. Or maybe a newborn baby, you know, sleeping just so peacefully. I have three kids, our oldest is three, and we have twins that are about to turn two, so I just lived this newborn stage, and it's sometimes very peaceful to watch them sleep. And it really is like so pure, you know? Yeah, sometimes not, and sometimes not so pure, we need to change their diaper, but anyway. Okay, what about integrity? What do you think about when you hear the word integrity? Maybe you think about like the ground that you're standing on, or hopefully the chair you're sitting in has like a lot of integrity, it's strong. If you drive over a bridge, you know,

you're maybe thinking like, I hope this thing holds up, but you know it has integrity. But what about for yourself? What do you think of when you hear the word purity and integrity in regard to yourself? I think for most of us, what probably comes to mind is one of two things, the things that we've done, or the things that have been done to us that make us actually feel not pure, or make us, or help us realize, or make us realize whatever, that we don't have integrity. Maybe you feel like this shirt, this very dirty shirt that I dirtied up on the way in from my car. My car's pretty dirty, I don't ever wash it, so don't judge me too hard. But you feel like this shirt is just stained. It's got dirt all over it, and no matter how much you try to clean the shirt, it never seems to clean up. Maybe sometimes you can get some stains out, or at least it feels like you can, but the stains never quite go away. You always know that they're there. And kind of the tragic part about that is this is your shirt. This shirt I can just throw away and get a new one. I'm wearing a different white shirt, you know? But with ourselves, this is who we are. This is us, this is our lives, our souls.

And you can't just throw it away and get a new one. This is who you are until you die. When I think about purity for myself, the first thing that comes to my mind are the things I said. Usually the first thing that comes to my mind is the ways that I haven't been pure or haven't had sexual integrity, or the things that I've struggled with. I can feel the enemy whispering those lies into my ears, one of the first things. And I think about my struggle with same-sex attraction, my struggles with pornography. When I was 14 years old, I realized I was attracted to men, and I didn't want this struggle. I didn't know what to do with it. I was embarrassed by it. Didn't really know how to handle it. Didn't want anybody to know. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed. Afraid of what people would think. I didn't have many guy friends, which was probably part of the problem, but I just was afraid even if they found out, then no guy would wanna be my friend. They'd think I was weird or something like that. And I didn't choose that. I didn't choose to be attracted to men. It just kinda happened.

And maybe you can relate in some way. You struggle with something with regard to sexual purity and integrity, and you didn't choose it. It just is kinda what you've been dealt. And you might be thinking like, how do I move forward in this? I know for me, there are times where I can, when I'm thinking about the ways in which I haven't been pure, the things that I've done or said, I kinda have a visceral reaction, like shiver up my spine, like, I just don't like thinking about it. I wanna stop thinking about it because I'm just so embarrassed and ashamed of it. Maybe for you, you think about the people that you've been with sexually, either by choice or against your will. And one of the reasons why sexual purity and integrity is so important is because sexuality is because sexual intimacy creates a bond between you and the other person. Genesis chapter two, verse 24 says, that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife. And they become one flesh. There's this mystery that happens with sexual purity. that we don't fully understand, but the Bible tells us that the two become one.

So there's a bond that's created there. Maybe you've heard this called like a soul tie, but there's a bond that happens when you are with someone sexually. And sexual purity and integrity can also include emotional connections. Maybe you've experienced this too, where you've had a really strong emotional connection to somebody that never turned physically sexual, but you feel that strong bond to that person. Maybe you've never been with someone sexually, but you have in your mind. Sexual purity and integrity doesn't have to involve another person in front of you, but maybe you find your mind fantasizing a lot. You've created a world in your mind, and maybe you've even justified that world in your mind because you're not acting out on it and nobody else is involved. But sexual purity and integrity, we know that doesn't mean that you're not involved. Sexual purity and integrity, we know that because of what Jesus told us. If you've lusted after someone in your heart, you've basically, you have lusted after that person. You've committed adultery with that person. Regardless of which one it is, at the end of the day, they're all just idols. These connections, these bonds that we have with people. There are things that we have put above the Lord

and His will in our hearts. Our souls are designed to cling to someone. We were created to cling, but we were created to cling to God. And we try to cling to other people instead, which is the tragic part. And in some ways, it's a beautiful thing between a man and a woman in marriage that is a beautiful unity that the Lord honors and celebrates. But we need to make sure that we're having sexual purity and integrity in every area of our life. So what do we do if we haven't been? What do you do when you feel like this shirt and you just feel dirty and used? And no matter how hard you try, you can't get the stains out? Well, the first thing we need to do is know what's true. So let's talk about what's true. What's true is that we're not pure and we don't have infallible integrity on our own. We just don't. But what we also know is true is that because of Christ's crucifixion and resurrection, we've been made spotless. Isaiah 1, verse 18 says, "'Come now, let us settle the matter,' says the Lord. "'Though your sins are like scarlet, "'they shall be as white as snow.

"'Though they are red as crimson, "'they shall be like wool.'" So I want you to really think about that for a second and maybe read that verse again and really take in the reality of what Scripture is saying, that because of Christ, our sins, which were like scarlet, have been made white as snow, red as crimson, they shall be like wool. So what happens to that stain, right? What happens to that stain on your shirt in light of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ? Well, you might think of Jesus's blood as a tide pen, the most insane, incredible stain remover you've ever seen in your entire life, able to take out any stain. Anybody ever used a tide pen before? I have. These things are magic. I don't know how they do it, but they somehow get stains out. But the thing about a tide pen is even though you get the stain out of the tide pen, you kind of still know the stain is there and it might be able to get it out almost all the way, but it's not out of the way. It's not out completely. If there's one thing I want you to walk away with today, one thing, it's this reality. That the crucifixion and resurrection

and the blood of Jesus Christ, His forgiveness in our lives, is not like a tide pen. Because when we accept Christ as our Savior, He doesn't remove the stains from our shirt. He actually gives us a new shirt entirely. What we thought was impossible, right? Like, this is my shirt, I have this, has been made possible because of His great power and love and mercy and grace for us. We have a new shirt. We have a new shirt. Isaiah 61 10 says, I delight greatly in the Lord. My soul rejoices. This is in my God, for he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness. As a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Second Corinthians 5.17 says, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come, the old has gone, the new is here. That's really, really good news. And I'm so incredibly thankful that we can all together celebrate that reality, that we've been given a new shirt, we've been clothed in Christ's righteousness. Okay, so that's what's true, right?

If you're like me, you might be thinking like, that's great, I know that, I celebrate it. How do I walk in sexual purity and integrity? That was my question for so many years. How do I fight this? What do I do with it? I don't want these attractions, I don't want these struggles, I don't wanna be looking at pornography, but I don't know how to move forward. And I wish I could say that there's a magic cure and a formula, because I'm also like a formulas guy. Even though I'm not very good at math, I do like steps. So like, you know, tell me the steps, tell me the process, I'll follow it. But there isn't. And in some ways, that's a really good thing too, because it makes us dependent on the Lord. And there's nothing better than when we're fully dependent on him. The interesting thing about walking in sexual purity and integrity is that, when we're clothed with Christ's righteousness, that never goes away. We're always clothed with his righteousness, once and for all, it's irrevocable. But I can still choose to put this old shirt back on. And sometimes I do. Maybe you do too sometimes. Which is kind of silly, right?

Like we have this incredible new robe and I'm putting this nasty, dirty shirt back on. But sometimes we make that decision, sometimes we do that. And I just wanna tell you that we don't wanna do that, but if you find yourself doing it, there's grace for that. And you need to know that too. So in some ways, I wanna be careful how I say this, but if you find yourself putting your old shirt back on, that's okay, you can take it back off. And you can stand clothed in Christ's righteousness, the way that you're supposed to be standing. So I'm gonna give you a couple things to help you walk in sexual purity and integrity. Number one, confess to God. First, John 1, 9 says, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we're gonna walk in purity and integrity, we have to be confessing to the Lord, bringing it to him. He already knows it, right? But there's something really beautiful that happens when we go to him in prayer and in relationship, and we draw near to him instead of running away from him. And we say, Lord, I'm so sorry, please forgive me. He does every time. Number two, stand in the light. And number three is gonna kind of inform us a little bit, but this is a phrase that I tell myself often that's been really helpful for me, standing in the light.

John 3, 19 through 21 says, this is the verdict. Light has come into the world. But people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God. We can stand in the light because we've been clothed in his righteousness, because we've been made new. We've been washed clean, we've been forgiven. We have no reason to stand in the dark. So step into the light. It's scary, really scary sometimes, but step into the light. This is who you are, a child of the light. Number three, confess to each other. How many people like confessing their sin? Okay, I don't see a single hand. Nobody likes confessing their sin, nobody. I hate it. I would rather sometimes have hot wax poured down my ears, stick needles in my eyes, like anything, except having to confess my sin. I just, I do not like it. I do not like it, I do not like it. But James 5, 16 has a really cool promise.

It's a fact. It says, therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. I remember one time I was meeting with my mentor, Pastor Doug, and I had been feeling the Holy Spirit convicting me about something that I needed to bring into the light and confess. out loud to somebody else, not just him. And I really didn't want to. So I was trying to find a way around it. Like, where's my loophole, you know? And so I was thinking about this first, and I'm like, okay, confess your sins. Confess your sins. How many sins? All of them? Every sin? Do I have to confess every sin? What about like the weird thoughts that you have that are like dark and twisted, that you would never want anybody to know that even crossed your mind? Like, do I have to confess that too? And again, I was trying to find a way to justify this. So I asked him one day in a mentor meeting, and I said, so like when you can, like James 5, 16 says confess your sins, like how far does that go? Do I confess every dark thought?

I was really hoping he'd say like, well, you know, there's, I mean, like those really dark one-off things in your mind, like you probably don't have to. And I'd be like, great, that's my out. But because he's Pastor Doug, annoyingly wise and knowledgeable, he just kind of thought for a second and then looked at me and said, well, I guess it depends how much healing you want. Okay, Pastor Doug, thanks. And then I was like, well, there's some things I got to talk to you about. And I got to tell you, I was terrified to tell him some of the things that I had to tell him, but I received so much freedom from it in that moment. And I look back on that moment, still to this day, as like a turning point for me where something that I had felt held captive by, I no longer was held captive by because I put it in the light and I confessed it. Yeah. So remember I said, if there's one thing that you walk away with, it's that you do have a new shirt and you've been clothed in Christ's righteousness. If there's a second thing that I would love for you to walk away with, it's that in this next time of prayer that we have,

if there's something that you feel the Holy Spirit telling you to put into the light and confess, do it. I know it's scary, but you have the Spirit of the living God inside of you. The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives inside of you. So He can give you the courage to do that. And to tell the enemy, you no longer have power over me in this. I'm not gonna let this hold me down. I'm not gonna be afraid of this because I've been clothed in Christ's righteousness. I can put it in the light. It doesn't define me. It doesn't affect my value or my worth. Okay, number four. How do we walk in sexual purity and integrity? You have to be in the Word and you have to be in prayer. You need to know God's voice and you need to know what's from Him and what's not from Him. And the only way you're gonna know which thoughts and lies and deception and truth, the only thing you're gonna know what's from Him or not is by spending time with Him in His Word and spending time with Him in prayer. Psalm 119.11 says, I have stored up Your Word in my heart that I might not sin against You. When we store up His Word in our heart,

it protects us, it guards us from sinning. And then lastly, number five. Take every thought captive. This was really pivotal for me too when the Lord walked me through this, taking every thought captive. I'm gonna read 1 Corinthians 10, three through five. It says, for though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God. And we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. So I went on a journey of taking my thoughts captive and I started realizing I was really just letting my mind wander and was not in any way trying to stop it. So whenever I realized I was having a thought that was lustful or impure or didn't honor Him in some way, I would just immediately stop and start praying and ask Him to take it away from me. And I would keep talking to Him until it went away. Sometimes they would take a long time to go away and I'd be like, Lord, please. I would like try and picture Him on His, I do this today.

I picture Him on His throne. I'm like, Lord, I don't wanna think about that. I just wanna think about you, like your glory, your majesty. I wanna think about your love for me, but I can still feel like the thought in the back of my head. So sometimes if it persists, I'll rebuke it out loud in the name of Jesus. And I'll just say like, I rebuke this thought in the name of Jesus. People in the car next to me probably think I'm a little weird, but I'd rather look a little weird than have these thoughts stay in my head. And some of the questions, is that I will ask myself, or I'll ask other people when we're trying to discern, like, you know, is this from the Lord or not, is you can ask yourself, like, who told you that? So if you're thinking or feeling something, you can ask, who told you that? And then sometimes I find if you just ask yourself, like, is the Lord saying this? Immediately you know it's not him, it's the enemy. And those help you know how to take those thoughts captive. So I encourage you through all of this, like, these are all just ways to keep your mind and your heart fixed on Jesus, which is really what we should be doing.

And I don't mean should be as in, like, an obligatory thing. I mean, like, should because this is what is gonna bring you the most peace and freedom. It's not we should be keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus, it's we get to, we get to. We get to keep our eyes fixed on him. We get to have this intimate relationship with him. Genesis 50, 20, there's like a verse that a lot of people quote. You know, like, what you have meant for evil, the Lord used for good. And I think about this with taking thoughts captive. Every time the enemy tempts you, he's trying to use it for evil. But the Lord wants to use that for good by making your temptation an opportunity to turn your eyes to Jesus. We're gonna read a prayer of confession together. So I'd love for us all to stand. Amen. And let's just hold out our hands as a way to surrender to him. And read this out loud together. Father, in the name of Jesus, I repent of every form of impurity. I repent of gratifying the desires of my sinful nature. I believe you have clothed me in your robe of righteousness. Jesus, you broke the power of any generational sin, of lust, and immorality.

In response to your love, I renounce lust in all its forms. I renounce perversion in all forms. While sin speaks shame, your gospel seeks mercy and grace. I believe you have paid the price for all my sin, and you have victory over every area of my life. Forgive me, Lord, and cleanse my heart and mind. Fill me with the power of your spirit in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. You guys can have a seat. And would you please warmly welcome our next speaker, the incredible, oh, there she is, Juliana Guevara. Oh, my goodness. Matt, thank you so much for that powerful message on our God-given sexuality. Give it up for Matt. That was amazing. Hello, guys. So, hello. So, I am a mental health counselor, but my highest calling is as a wife of 18 years and a mom to my miracle nine-year-old daughter. So, I'm here today. I've got some things I wanna tell you, but more importantly, God has things that he wants to tell you,

put on your heart, and he wants to reveal to you today. So, I encourage you to get out your notes, take some notes as we're talking. I'm gonna have some moments of reflection for you, and I really want you to write down these things, not because of what I have to say is so great, but because I know that the Lord wants to speak directly to you today. So, who here wants this $100 bill? Oh, I see a lot of hands going up, okay. So, how much is this $100 bill worth? $100, I can get $100 worth of stuff? Okay. You are worthless and dirty. You mean nothing to me. Okay, so who else wants this now? How much is it worth? It's still worth $100. Now? Still worth $100. Interesting. So, even though I have spoke words of shame, I've mistreated it, I've misused it, it still hasn't lost its worth? No. And to ease your mind, this is a fake $100 bill, so if any of you are like, what's going on? It's fake, okay, it just looks really real. But this begs the question that when we are misused,

when we are spoken down to, when people speak lies to us, what makes us question our value and our worth? So today I have the privilege of speaking about abuse and shame. And with a room of about 600 people, statistics say that between 150 to 200 of us in here have been either sexually or physically abused. And I stand here today as one of those people. Between the ages of four and eight, I was repeatedly sexually abused by my grandfather and my great-grandfather. And at the age of eight, I was able to break my silence and tell my parents what was going on. And immediately they got me in to see a Christian therapist and that started my journey to healing. So I want you to know my heart as I too journey alongside of you, understanding the depths of abuse and the toxicity of shame. So as a therapist, I see many different forms of abuse and so I wanna shine light on some aspects of abuse that we typically don't consider to be traditionally abuse but that are abuse. So for example, physical abuse includes grabbing or slapping verbal abuse includes constant criticism or statements like I wish you were never born. Emotional or psychological abuse includes being abandoned, betrayed or constantly being given the cold shoulder. Spiritual abuse includes using somebody's spirituality to manipulate them to do something that you want them to do.

For example, if you were really called to ministry, you would leave your family and be here every day that the doors of the church were open. Using your spirituality to coerce and manipulate. Financial abuse includes controlling finances for power and sexual abuse includes exposing children to pornography and child on child abuse. And abuse in any of these forms causes us to question our value and our worth, just like this $100 bill. And oftentimes will lead us to seek approval and validation from others. And so our perception of ourselves is so distorted that because of this, we have an inability to see ourself the way that God sees us. And so this just opens the doors wide for the enemy to bombard us with lies, with thoughts, with beliefs such as I'm not good enough. I am damaged. I will never measure up. Or if I had been a different person, this wouldn't have happened to me. I deserve to be mistreated. It's my fault. These are all shame statements. And many times, the pain of abuse, it is so great that it causes a person to try to mask that pain. And so we cover up with addiction, with relationships, with sex, with overspending, with overachieving,

with overeating. And these behaviors only lead a person deeper into shame, depression, and further away from the healing that God has for us. Remember that Satan's goal in our life is to make us ineffective for the kingdom of God. And so for the person who has experienced abuse, this often comes in the form of keeping ourselves stuck in a victim role. Yes, you've been victimized. That does not mean that we stay stuck in a victim role because when we stay stuck in a victim role, that means that there always has to be a villain in our story. And so what we'll do is we'll place people in that villain role that don't deserve to be there. And then our relationships suffer. And so victims, they see themselves as powerless over their circumstances. They withdraw. They have an inability to connect or truly love others. They blame others for their actions. They misplace responsibilities. And if you have been a victim of any type of abuse, God wants to heal you. And so please listen carefully to this. God's will for our life was never for you to be abused. That was the enemy's plan for your life. But God's will is to redeem that in you. He can use that.

And so listen to his promise to us. Exodus 15, 26. I am the Lord who heals you. Psalm 107, 19, and 20. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them. He rescued them from the grave. And so you're here for a divine appointment today. I believe that. And I know that you want healing from your past abuse. And I would be remiss if I didn't discuss the number one barrier I see often that keeps us from that healing. That is unforgiveness. Listen, I get it right there. A lot of you are like, nope, shutting you out. I cannot even believe you just mentioned that word right now. I get it. I get it, but you know what? A lot of times we resist that because we don't fully understand what forgiveness is. So please allow me to speak some truth into this for you today. And so, forgiveness, the truth is that a state of unforgiveness holds us hostage to the person and their circumstances of the abuse that happened. And it also affects our relationship with the Lord.

There is a famous author and theologian, his name is Lewis Meads, and he says, to forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. So powerful. And as your freedom book has emphasized, offering forgiveness does not mean that what happened to you was okay. It is not okay, and it will never be okay. Also, forgiveness is not saying that, oh, it's just like, okay, I feel ready to forgive now, so now I'm ready to, no, it's not a feeling. Forgiveness is a choice. It is a command. Forgiveness is not reconciliation, right? Especially when we're talking about abuse, there is forgiveness, there is reconciliation, and there's restoration. Forgiveness is just between us and God. It's handing that person over to the Lord and saying, you are the God that is just. You are the God that makes things right. You are the God that redeems. And so I hand them over to you. I am not going to be the one to seek revenge. That's on you, and so it's handing them over to the Lord. Reconciliation is between two people, which is not common when we're talking about abuse, okay? Two people that call it a truce or can coexist, and then restoration is two people

willing to do really hard work, and that is very, very uncommon when we're talking about abuse. And that's like rebuilding trust, restoring a relationship. And so please, as we're talking about forgiveness, I want you to reflect on this is a command that God has given me between me and God, not between the other person, not to the other person's face, and it is different than reconciliation and restoration. And also, forgiveness does pave a way for our future, and so forgiveness is not forgetting, okay? That is not, that's not how it works. Lewis Meads, again, that other really smart guy, he said, forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope of our future. Remember that forgiveness is that command of God. Matthew 18 talks about, you know, Peter's like, okay, just seven times I have to forgive somebody, and Jesus is like, ha ha, nice try. 70 times seven. Because forgiveness is continual. Every time that image of past abuse plays in your mind is another opportunity to forgive, another opportunity to hand them over to the Lord. Lord, I need you to take this, Lord, I need you to take them.

Do with it what you want. I trust you. And it's sometimes, it's gonna be that lifetime, just continually releasing them over to the Lord. And so what I want us to know is that the Lord can take every wound, every hurt, every dark and dead place in our hearts, and he, only he, can truly restore us, heal us, revive us, redeem us, and bring purpose from that. And so trust him today to do that. Remember that we will no longer want to identify with what has happened to us, but rather with the one who lives in us, in Christ Jesus. And so Psalm 147.3 says, he heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. And if you're taking notes, I want you to write this one down. We do not need to allow the abuse we've endured to define us, but we can most certainly use that experience to refine us. This reminds me of my life for 2 Corinthians 1, 3, and 4, the Juliana version is praise the God of all comfort that comforts us when we're going through hard times so that we then can comfort others who are going through hard times. And that's why I became a therapist. And so I have a calling on my life to share the comfort that I received with others, whether it's from a stage. a podcast, a blog, whatever, but if you're thinking,

okay, well, I've heard that healing can come when we share our story. Can I give you some wisdom before you decide to do that? I want you to write this question down. Am I sharing from my scars or am I sharing from my wounds? Scars is evidence of past trauma, but it's been healed. It's not open to infection. It can be poked and it doesn't hurt, whereas a wound, it's open to infection. It's raw. It needs to be protected. And so if you're in a place where you are wounded, where your wound is open to infection, surround yourself with support, but very few people, wise people, safe people who are going to help protect that and speak healing into those areas. So a Christian therapist, a mentor, those would be good people to have on your team to provide you support in this time. So what often comes along with these other topics that we've discussed today, abuse, rejection, fear, sexual brokenness, and other forms of trauma is shame. And just like Mara so beautifully pointed out, so many of these thoughts, these beliefs that we have about ourself, and can I be vulnerable with you? Is that okay? Thank you. So when I went through counseling at eight years old, we worked through the shame I felt of,

I am to blame for the sexual abuse. And that was so healing for my eight-year-old self. However, the shame that I felt of, I have to control men so that they don't hurt me again, that took many years to surface. And it wasn't until the second year of my marriage when I came face to face with that shame, with that belief that I held onto. And by that time, there was a lot of collateral damage to work through. But praise God for good marriage therapists, because we're going 18 years strong now. You can celebrate that. And so what is shame? Shame is a weapon of mass destruction that the enemy uses to make us question our value and our worth. And shame, the voice of shame often sounds like our own voice, which often will lead to some self-hatred, right? When we're telling ourself over and over again, I'm not good enough, I'm not, you know, fill in the blank. That just, it creates that self-hatred. And there is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is, I'm sorry for what I've done. Shame is, I'm sorry for who I am. Big difference there, okay? One is identifying with what we've done, and one is like, okay, yeah, I know that what I did was wrong, and then we're gonna take steps to make it right.

And so if you were sitting across from me in my office, I would have you write down those shame statements that were on repeat in your mind, those things that just kept coming up for you. I would have you write them down, and then I would have you write down truths to combat those lies that are being spoken about you. And I'd have you like sticky note them around your car, your office, on your mirror, whatever, to remind you constantly of those truths because we have this beautiful ability to rewire and change our brain. And so the more that you continue to remind yourself of those truths, the deeper it's going to be, and the quicker you're gonna be able to just combat those lies when they come up for you. Second Corinthians 2.11 says, for we are not unaware of his schemes. These shame statements are the beliefs about ourselves that the accuser, the father of lies, wants to try to put on us and convince us of. And so the truth about your identity, though, comes from what the Lord says about you, from what your maker says about you. And knowing scripture is your best defense against the enemy's schemes. Think about the armor of God, right? We've got like the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the shield of faith, the belt, the shoes, all the things.

Those are amazing to defend against the enemy. But the only weapon that we're equipped with is the sword of the Spirit, which is? The word of God, exactly. And so knowing scripture is your deadliest weapon against the enemy's schemes. So even preparing for this message, like I can catch the enemy and his schemes. Like he tries to confine me to that role of victim, and my way of perceiving that, I'm like, oh, okay, I can call you out, is when I start to get like critical or defensive, right? Like I notice that for myself, and I can be like, yeah, I know what you're doing, not gonna work today. Some days it does work, but. Combating that with the truth. And so it's so important that we become aware of these schemes. Because shame, it spreads like a cancer. It spreads into our relationships. It turns into depression, aggression, prejudice. reactivity, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, chronic physical illness, like it just, it spreads. And so if we have allowed shame in, we will likely try to fix it by doing more, by doing works, and the enemy loves when we try this strategy because he knows it will never work. We can never pray enough, serve enough, like talk enough, like we cannot work our way out of that.

And so this just keeps us in the shame cycle. And so it'll lead us to feel hypocritical, and it's gonna lead deeper into that shame. And so remember that salvation is about what has been done for us, not what we do. So accept that salvation. In shame, we cover up with religion, we become works-focused. In shame, we have an inability to be honest with God because we fear his wrath, like, ooh, what's he gonna say, what's he gonna do? Shame traps us in hidden sin, just like Matt was talking about, and it keeps us in the cycle of sin and lies that we will never have a future without that sin. Shame wants us to forever identify with our sin and the sins that have been committed against us. Shame wants us to find our identity in mental illness, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, personality disorders. Shame plays videos of the past traumas and further humiliates us with each and every replay. Shame keeps us from receiving the provision God made for us and for our sins and through the sins that have been committed to us through the blood of Jesus. You know, when I think of trauma, I think of blood loss, and when I think of blood loss, I think of impending death. And blood transfusions are lifesaving, right? I don't have time today to get into all the details,

but my husband and I went through almost five years of infertility. We went through fertility treatments, they didn't work. And then finally, I was pregnant with our miracle girl. And then at 23 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with one of the most rare and aggressive forms of leukemia. And my daughter had to go through two rounds of chemo while in utero, and there were many times that she and I almost didn't make it, and we required countless blood transfusions. And they saved our life, they sustained us, they got us through that time. And then she was born with a full head of hair. I had none. And so the doctors assured us that the chemo didn't touch her. And praise God, I am cancer-free now, and she is healthy. But can I remind you through my story that you too have been given the gift of life through Jesus's blood. He is sustaining you, he gives you life. And so Jesus's blood, it cleanses us, it washes us white as snow, just like Matt had that white shirt, it washes us white as snow. He has life-giving power through his blood. And so when shame takes a hold of us, everything we hear and everything that we experience, everything that people say or do

gets filtered through that grid of shame. It affects how we respond to life. And so freedom from shame comes by believing what God says about us. And so when we believe what God says about us, we see ourselves as God sees us. How powerful is that if we actually walked around believing fully what he says about us, believing fully that he created us with purpose, believing fully that those things that were done to us, while the enemy wants to use to deflate us and make us ineffective, the Lord is gonna use to redeem and bring life and bring hope and bring purpose to others as well. And so as you begin this journey, can I speak some truth over you? Okay, so Hebrews 8, 12 says, for I will forgive their wickedness and I will remember their sins no more. First John 1, nine, if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. First John 2, one, if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to our father in our defense, Jesus Christ, like the righteous one. He is our counselor and our attorney. Like, how cool is that? Isaiah 54, four, do not be afraid. You will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace.

You will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth. Isaiah 43, 25, I, even I, am the one who blots out your transgressions for my own sake and remember your sins no more. Psalm 103, 12, as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 41 through two, I waited patiently for the Lord, and he turned to me, and he heard my cry. He lifted me up out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, and he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. The Lord wants your feet to be set on a rock and to give you a firm place to stand, leaving behind the darkness of shame. Psalm 34 five says, they looked to him and were radiant. Their faces were not ashamed. Second Corinthians 5, 17, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come. Those are just some of the truths that are in the Bible that I want you to remind yourself of. Soak them in, memorize them, get ready for battle against the enemy schemes. So, in closing, perhaps you have experienced a fresh wound today. Maybe something that somebody said, maybe something that I said has brought to light some past hurt or past trauma. And so, in just a little bit,

I'm gonna have Wendy and John Moses come out, and they're going to read some really powerful statements. And these statements will identify and validate some current and past hurts. I encourage you to let those words resonate in your heart, in your soul. Allow them to be a healing salve to that wound, a catalyst in ridding yourself of that shame. And then there's gonna be a time of prayer following. And my challenge to you is to ask the Lord to remind you of something that you need right now to be encouraged in on this journey. Allow him to speak to you, and then I want you to write that down, and I want you to put it somewhere where you're gonna be reminded of that. Thank you guys so much for your time. Thank you. Good morning. I'm standing here today as a man to call out the abuses you endured at the hands of another man. As I speak, allow God to use these words, words that you may need to hear in order for your healing to begin. It was harmful when he was harsh and abusive when he disciplined you as a child. You were just a child. And he expected too much from you. It was his fault, not yours.

For all the times that he struck out at you because of his anger, instead of loving you, he was wrong. For all the times that he criticized you when you were doing the best you could do, he was wrong. For all the times that he told you you were worthless, that you should never have been born, and that you would never amount to anything, he was so wrong. For using his mouth to curse you when he should have used it to bless you. When you were a child and he abandoned you and was not the father that you needed, he was wrong. When your parents divorced and he was not there for you because he went his own way, you needed him to be there and he was not. And that was wrong of him. When you were a child and he made promises that he didn't keep and then broke your tender heart, he was wrong. When you, as his wife, should have been able to trust him. him and he was trustworthy untrustworthy for threatening you and controlling you by fear or by anger he was so so wrong for molesting you when you were a child and destroying your innocence and having no concern for what it did to you that was his fault not yours when he exposed you to pornography and compromised your innocence and purity that was wrong for violating you through rape date rape or luring you into sex and taking advantage of you that is not your shame to carry for being your spiritual leader and violating the trust that you put in him

and for taking advantage of your openness and vulnerability towards him he was wrong when he was critical and judgmental of you when he should have been when he should have accepted you he was wrong when he made you feel that you were less than him because of the color of your skin he was wrong when he made you feel insignificant because of your gender it was not right when he made you feel inferior because of your status it's not right when he made fun of your disability it was wrong and as a husband and father he was not the spiritual leader of your home and he did not protect you and your family as he should have for all these abuses he was wrong will you set yourself free today and lay that burden of unforgiveness at the feet of jesus he was wrong will you set yourself free today and lay that burden of unforgiveness at the feet of jesus i am standing here today as a woman calling out any abuse you endured at the hands of another woman as i speak allow god to use these words words that you may need to hear to begin your healing for the times she abused you physically and verbally and verbally even in those times when she raised her hand to hit you but didn't you know deep down she wanted to she was wrong when she knew you were being abused and did nothing to stop it and those harsh words she spoke to you that you made you feel worthless and condemned they wounded your spirit then there were those times she made you feel abandoned or left alone you felt like no one cared you felt like no one cared when she made promises to you and then broke them without any thought of how you felt like no one cared you deserved better those times that you wanted to be held and show her your love,

and yet she didn't take the time to return your love. When you needed praise and she was either too busy or just refused to give it. For violating you sexually or luring you into the sex and then taking advantage of you, this is not your shame to carry. For the times she belittled you, embarrassed you in front of others, spoke critical or negative words that were not true. When she made you feel less than because of the color of your skin. When she made you feel inferior because of your status. When she made fun of your disability. As your sister, she was verbally or physically abusive to you, calling you names and making you feel like you were nothing. The things she said and did were wrong. The things she said and did were wrong and they were so hurtful. As a friend, you trusted her. You shared your thoughts, your dreams, and she betrayed you. As your wife, she was unfaithful to you, causing you to feel worthless and abandoned, less of a man. When your deepest desire was to be honored and respected and she withheld that from you, she was wrong and you did not deserve that. For all of these abuses of you, she was wrong. Will you set yourself free and lay the unforgiveness

at the feet of Jesus today? ♪♪♪ Together, we're gonna read a prayer of healing. So would you stand with us? And let's hold out our hands again, releasing this to the Lord, receiving what he has for us. Let's pray this together. Father God. Father God. Thank you for accepting me and loving me. I refuse to agree with the voice of shame. I refuse to believe the lies of shame. I am bought with a price and through Jesus, I am a child of God. I come to you and repent of allowing the lies of shame into my heart. I believe Jesus silences the accuser and cleanses me from all sin and shame. Only you, Jesus, can heal me of my past sin, my current weaknesses, and forgive my future struggles. I also give you my past abuse. The areas I felt violated, I give to you and ask for your healing power to help me feel whole and accepted. I believe what your word says about me. Thank you for setting me free from shame today and forevermore. In Jesus' name, amen. ♪♪♪♪ You guys can have a seat.

And we're gonna enter another time of prayer. So again, just like last time, we're gonna ask each and every one of you to come up and receive prayer row by row. And I'm just gonna reiterate, I know that you may feel like you don't need this or that you're fine without it. And I just wanna encourage you to really lean in and not miss this opportunity. There's so much power in this moment and to have somebody pray over you. And from what I said earlier, in case you thought maybe you were gonna get away with this too, but if the Holy Spirit is leading you to confess something, you can trust him. If he's asking you to do it, your obedience is gonna produce fruit. and bring freedom. So we're gonna dismiss row by row. If you see that you have some time before your row is gonna be called up, you can use the restroom or get refreshments, but please stay in an attitude of prayer and we're gonna go ahead and enter that time of prayer now. Here we are. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪

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