First And Ten : How To Have An Affair - (Full Experience)

Praise the Lord, Fellowship Church, let's stand up together. We're gonna worship and live up the name of Jesus. It has all power, it has all authority, and he's in this place right now. Let's worship him. Hallelujah, Jesus. Oh. ♪ I know a name ♪ ♪ That can silence roaring waves ♪ ♪ I know a name ♪ ♪ That can empty out a grave ♪ ♪ I know a name ♪ ♪ It's the only name that saves ♪ ♪ And it's worthy of all praise ♪ ♪ So I call you Jesus ♪ ♪ I call you, I call you healer ♪ ♪ Risen and reigning in power ♪ ♪ Something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Every time I call you Jesus ♪ ♪ I call you, I call you savior ♪ ♪ Worthy of glory forever ♪ ♪ Something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ And I have a king, yes I do ♪ ♪ With dominion over death ♪ ♪ And he holds the keys, yes ♪ ♪ In his holy nail scarred hand ♪ ♪ And he is the healer, oh, oh ♪ ♪ God has crushed the serpent's head ♪

♪ All resurrected, great I am ♪ ♪ And I call you Jesus ♪ ♪ And I call you, I call you healer ♪ ♪ Risen and reigning in power ♪ ♪ Something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Every time I call you Jesus ♪ ♪ Mighty name, I call you, I call you savior ♪ ♪ Glory forever, something comes out of the grave ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ Chains break, tribals wake ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ The gates of hell shake ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ Chains break, tribals wake ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ The gates of hell shake ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ Every single time I call on his name ♪ ♪ Oh, every single time I call on you, Lord, you are there ♪ ♪ Where, oh death, is now your singing? ♪ ♪ Where, oh grave, your victory stays? ♪ ♪ Where, oh death, is now your singing? ♪ ♪ And where, oh grave, your victory stays? ♪ ♪ Where, oh death, is now your singing? ♪ ♪ And where, oh grave, your victory stays? ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive in the name of Jesus ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ In the name of Jesus, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive in the name of Jesus ♪

♪ Dead things come alive, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive in the name of Jesus ♪ ♪ I call you, I call you, healer, risen and reigning in power ♪ ♪ Something calls out of the grave, every time I call you, Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, I call you, I call you Savior ♪ ♪ Worthy of glory forever ♪ ♪ Something comes out of that grave ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ Shades break, dry walls come undone ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name ♪ ♪ Pain, the gates of hell, they have to shake ♪ ♪ Every time I call your name, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ In the name of Jesus, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ Dead things come alive, dead things come alive ♪ ♪ In the name of Jesus ♪ ♪ Jesus, come on, there's power when we call on his name ♪ Do you believe that? Jesus, we thank you that we can call on your name. What a God, you created the heavens, you created the earth. You hold everything in your hands and still you hold us. We praise you in this place. ♪ Who thought I'd find you at the lowest place? ♪ ♪ Who knew you'd feel me in the crowd? ♪ ♪ Who knew you'd make good on my mistakes? ♪ ♪ You're nothing like I thought you were, you're better ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ It's who you are, what a God, what a God ♪ We thank you, Jesus.

♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ Oh, you're so good to us, Lord ♪ ♪ I thought you'd show up for perfection ♪ ♪ What kind of God looks for the lost? ♪ ♪ They say it's over for a sinner ♪ ♪ But you say, no, it's not, no, it's not ♪ ♪ Oh, you say, no, it's not, no, it's not ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God you are ♪ ♪ Perfect in all your ways, Jesus ♪ ♪ Be exalted, exalted higher forever ♪ ♪ Oh, we lift you up in this room ♪ ♪ We want you and nothing else ♪ Sing this out, come on, sing. ♪ If the highest place I reach is at your feet ♪ ♪ Then I've done it all ♪ ♪ If the best thing that I've seen is your glory ♪ ♪ Then I've seen it all ♪ ♪ Your love has changed my life forever satisfied, God ♪ ♪ You are my aid, come on, sing that again, sing. ♪ ♪ And if the highest place I reach is at your feet, sing. ♪ ♪ Then I've done it all ♪ ♪ If the best thing that I've seen is your glory ♪ ♪ Then I've seen it all ♪ ♪ Your love, your love has changed my life forever satisfied ♪ Oh, come on, let this be our heart's cry.

Surrender at His feet. ♪ You are my everything, God, you are my everything ♪ ♪ What a God, what a God, what a God, what a God ♪ Sing it for me, all of you, let's. ♪ What a God, what a God, what a God, what a God, what a God ♪ Oh, come on, everyone from across this room, shout it out. ♪ If the highest place I reach is at your feet, come on ♪ ♪ Then I've done it all ♪ ♪ If the best thing that I've seen is your glory ♪ ♪ Then I've seen it all ♪ ♪ I need it all, your love has changed my life ♪ ♪ Forever satisfied, you are my everything ♪ ♪ If one word is the only thing you see ♪ ♪ Then I'm hurting all, if I feel your heart ♪ ♪ And never see your face, I still have it all, hey ♪ ♪ No treasure of this life could ever satisfy, God you are my everything ♪ ♪ God you are my everything, God you are my everything ♪ ♪ God you are my everything, God you are my everything ♪ You're worthy of our praise, Lord. You're worthy of it all. Can you give God some praise today in this place? Welcome to Fellowship Church. We're so glad you're here. It's an honor to worship with you guys today. We're gonna have an incredible day. We just had the most phenomenal weekend as we hosted couples from all over the country for our Creative Marriage Conference. We wanna celebrate with you guys everything that God did in this conference.

You may be seated. Our marriages should be creative marriages. The gospel is the most creative act in history. So whenever I'm creative in my marriage and whenever you're creative in your marriage, we're thinking like the gospel. A marriage is about a covenant. It's when Don Tree and I, we don't just make an agreement between the two of us, we're also coming into agreement with God. God has a plan and it's a love that lasts. It's a design that has life and vitality and beauty within it. You've gotta have a foundation of faith that will let you stand through anything that life brings your way. Faith matters. Perfect marriages don't exist, but I believe healthy marriages do. What if within your marriage, there was two people whose souls longed for Jesus? That is a recipe for success. The reality for marriage is that we are two self-centered sinners who have come together tonight as one flesh. And that's God's potential, one flesh, oneness. And then we activate it by being creative. Come on, isn't it cool to see the impact that our church is having on marriages and families?

I know my marriage is better for the Creative Marriage Conference this past week. And if you weren't able to make it, that's okay. You can sign up for next year. 2027 is gonna be unreal. We've got a phenomenal speaker lineup. Obviously, Pastor Ed and Lisa are gonna be dropping some wisdom bombs on all of us, as well as TV stars Willie Robertson. They're gonna be unreal. We've got Danny Gokey. He has a phenomenal story of what God has done in his marriage. And then off to the right, we have Tim Tebow and Gal Gadot. No, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. We'll be there, and we would love to see you there as well. And for the next little bit, you can get 25% off by signing up here soon. And so we wanna see your marriage transformed and set up for success for many, many years to come at the Creative Marriage Conference. Now, today is gonna be an awesome day. My name is Brad Hughes. I'm one of the pastors here. And on behalf of Pastor Ed and Lisa, I wanna welcome each and every one of you to Fellowship Church. If you're new here, I'd love to just help you direct yourself

toward the Connect card in the seat back in front of you. Please take a moment to just fill out some basic information. Let us know about yourself because our team would be honored to call you this week. And maybe if you're going through some stuff and you need some prayer, we would love to pray for you. And I'll tell you, while we're a big church, we work hard to make it feel like family. We wanna connect you to community here at Fellowship Church. So you can simply fill out that Connect card, drop it in the offering here in just a moment, and we would love to connect you to the life of Fellowship Church. In just a moment, we're gonna continue worshiping by receiving our tithes and our offerings. And I'll just say, thank you, Fellowship Church, for your generosity. It's because of your generosity that we're able to do all of the amazing things that we do as a church and see lives changed. It's because of those that go above and beyond the regular tithes and offerings that I'm excited to announce that the Anchor Project is moving forward. We have plans approved by the city. We're in the permitting process as we speak and we are gonna be breaking ground this summer. Are you ready for the Anchor Center Fellowship Church? And so we have a phenomenal worship service planned for you.

But before we get to that, can we just take a moment to slow down and pray? Dear Jesus, we thank you for who you are and what you are doing in our lives. We thank you for this moment that we can just exhale and enjoy you, Lord. And let us never forget why we are here, Jesus. Because you came from heaven to earth. You lived the perfect life we could never live. And then you willingly chose to sacrifice, to offer up your body as a living sacrifice. And God, you rose again. We love you, Lord, and we thank you for what this means in each and every one of our lives. It's in your name we pray, amen. ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen ♪ Amen, amen Without the preaching of the cross, without preaching the cross to ourselves all day and every day, we will very, very quickly revert to faith plus works as the ground of our salvation. If you were to die tonight

and you were getting entry into heaven, what would you say? If you answer that and if I answer it in the first person, we've immediately gone wrong. Because I, because I believed, because I have faith, because I am this, because I am continuing. Loved one's the only proper answers in the third person, because he, because he. Think about the thief on the cross. I can't wait to find that fellow one day to ask him, how did that shake out for you? You've never been in a Bible study. You never got baptized. You didn't know a thing about church membership. And yet, and yet, you made it. You made it. How did you make it? That's what the angel must have said. You know, like, what are you doing here? Well, I don't know. What do you mean you don't know? Well, because I don't know. This guy's just staring. And eventually in frustration, he says, on what basis are you here?

And he said, the man on the middle cross said, I can go. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪ How can a thief get to heaven ♪ ♪ After the crime he'd done ♪ ♪ It was that he was good and it was that he was worthy ♪ ♪ It was the man on the middle cross said, come ♪ ♪ I'm here because of the man on the middle cross ♪ ♪ His blood restored everything that I ever lost ♪ ♪ I owe the debt that I couldn't pay ♪ ♪ And he paid the debt that he didn't owe ♪ ♪ I owe it all to the man on the middle cross ♪ ♪♪♪ ♪ How do I know that I am chosen ♪ ♪ And how do I know that I am loved ♪ ♪ Yeah, it isn't I am good and it isn't I am worthy ♪ ♪ It is the man on the middle cross, say come on ♪ ♪ I'm here because of the man on the middle cross ♪ ♪ His blood restored everything that I ever lost ♪ ♪ And I owed him debt that I couldn't pay ♪ ♪ And he paid the debt that he didn't owe ♪ ♪ I owe it all to the man on the middle cross, oh ♪ ♪ It's the only reason, yes, you're the only reason ♪ This is who he is. ♪ You are my rescue, you are my glory ♪ ♪ You are the reason that I have a story ♪ ♪ And when I get to heaven, I'll know why I'm there ♪ ♪ It wasn't me, it wasn't me, it wasn't me, no ♪

♪ Cause you are my rescue, you are my glory ♪ ♪ Oh, you are the reason that I have a story ♪ ♪ And when I get to heaven, I'll know why I'm there ♪ ♪ It wasn't me, it wasn't me, it wasn't me, no ♪ ♪ Hey, I'm here because of the man on the middle cross ♪ Yes, I am. ♪ His blood restored everything that I ever lost ♪ ♪ And I owed a debt that I couldn't pay ♪ ♪ And he paid the debt and he did it all ♪ ♪ I owe it all to the man on the middle cross ♪ ♪ I owe it all to the man on the middle cross ♪ ♪ I owe it all to the man on the middle cross, listen ♪ ♪ He was more than just a man on the middle cross ♪ Lord Jesus, we thank you that you are alive. We thank you for what you did for us, what you're doing, moving this place, opening up our hearts to what you have for us. In your mighty name, we pray. Amen. Let's get ready. Let's welcome to the stage, Dr. Donn Litchy! Come on, Donn. Donn, a stand. Everyone needs to stand for this guy. 53,000 hours of marital counseling. He needs a standing ovation. That's right. Come on, Donn. We wanna honor this man because he's giving us some wisdom.

Yeah, he is awesome. And he was with us at the Creative Marriage Conference. His lovely wife is on the front row. Marcy. Marcy. Marcy. There's Marcy. Woo! Marcy, I love that green color. That's a unique color. I like that. Anyway, we are gonna talk today, guys, about a very, very, Donn, deep subject, a subject that doesn't bring a lot of laughter. I mean, a lot of people are gonna lean in. We're gonna talk about how to have an affair. Or maybe in a positive way, how to affair-proof your marriage. This guy is, I'm telling you, an expert. So we're gonna try to glean from him a little bit of information that will really lead to transformation in our lives. Yeah, we've been in a series on the Ten Commandments, and this is one of them. I love your outfit, too. Thank you, honey. I appreciate it. Binette. I like that.

Okay. So one of the Ten Commandments, thou shalt not commit adultery. Right. And so that's, we thought, why not lean in to someone who's probably spent hours speaking with couples. Yeah, Donn, we've been talking about the Ten Commandments, and I'm like, thou shalt not commit adultery. Donn's here, let's interview him. I mean, you can't beat that, can you? You guys are so kind. Can you? Can you? No, no, no, no, no, no. Thank you, thanks for the, it's a warm invitation. Thank you. This is an amazing thing. You know, when you get a standing ovation before you speak, that's really something. Yes, it is. Well, and one of the great things that Ed and I appreciate is Dr. Don is like the person who we go to when we have marital road bumps and blockades and things like that, and we've leaned into the wisdom of all of those hours that you have spent studying and then you, you know, parlay that onto couples like us who just need some, you know, encouragement. And I guess nobody really comes to you when everything's good.

No, I was gonna say, you know, usually not, it's not usually when things are going really well in people's life. That's when they come. Hey, Dr. Don, can I have an appointment? I just wanna tell you how great the marriage is. The kids are behaving. The bank account is in the black. We got a great medical report, and we just wanna spend a lot of money and tell you how wonderful everything is. That's not usually the case. That's not it. And Don, was that correct, 53,000 hours? 53,000 hours. Think about that. And 44 years, so. Unbelievable. I did this thing years ago, Lisa and I did, because by God's grace, Lisa and I have been married for 43 years, four kids, seven grandkids, and we have only been with each other, you know what I'm talking about, exclusively during all that time. But we would say to you that everyone deals with temptation. Everybody. And everyone, Don, everybody. Everybody. And no matter who you are, where you are, even if you have violated this commandment,

there's hope for you. So Lisa and I went through, Don, a real quick four-step process on how to have an affair. Oh my goodness. You know, it's amazing how it usually doesn't, I mean, I don't know anybody that says, okay, I'm gonna wake up today, and I'm just gonna ruin my life. I'm gonna have an affair. Nope, it usually starts out with something that is in the head much sooner than it ever goes to the bed. And it starts usually with an urge, or a thought. That's right. A fantasy. Exactly. An idea. And if we do not take those thoughts captive, 2 Corinthians 10, then that urge, thought, fantasy, and idea begins to take hold, and then it goes from, well, it can go to stupidville very quickly. How do you take thoughts and make them captive? How do you do that, Don? Number one, and we've talked about this, Ed, you first of all have to be thinking about your thinking, being aware that you actually can think about your thinking. You know, you can speak to different parts of your body. You know that, right? You can speak to your feet. David oftentimes spoke to his soul.

He said, soul, hello, why are you so downcast? What's going on here? He would, in other words, you can speak to your mind. And you can say, all right, what am I thinking? Think about your thinking. Think, now I can give some psychobabble words for that. We call it metacommunication, blah, blah, blah. But it's just simply thinking about your thinking. And then when you think about your thoughts, and, and the Holy Spirit is with you. The enemy will take you further than you intended to go, keep you longer than you intended to stay, but will always charge a price higher than you ever dreamed of paying. And when that price tag is shown, believe me, brothers and sisters and friends and neighbors, there is, I was almost gonna say a word that's a little risque. There is no screw worth the screwing you're gonna get. I know that's blunt, and I'm sorry if I, I don't want to offend anybody, but I'm just gonna be very blunt and honest because God's word is blunt and honest. Yeah. And Don, people sometimes don't know that because they've not read the word of God. Yeah, God gives it to us. All over, yes. The Old Testament is R-rated. But Don, one of the ways though that people mess up

in this area is they convince themselves, as you said a second ago, it's not gonna happen to me. I'm above it, I'm beyond it, and you're saying, as we said earlier, it can happen to anyone. And then from there, they begin to cultivate this relationship with a third party. Yeah, it starts out, it starts out very innocently. It could never happen to me. I'm above that, after all, I go to this church and I've got great teachers and pastors and this could never happen to me. And yet, if we're not careful, those little slips, those little compromises, as they would say, the little broken windows theory, which is if you break a window and don't fix it quickly, pretty soon all the windows are broken. And if you deal with, listen, if you deal with temptation when it is still an urge or a thought or a fantasy or an idea, in other words, when you are first tempted, that is not sin. Jesus was what? Tempted at every point such as we are and yet without sin. So temptation's gonna come. And temptation is, the enemy is not that creative. I mean, the scripture says that there's no temptation that has seized us except for that which is common. You know, as a man, I'm gonna be tempted the way that most other men are going to be tempted. As a woman, you will be tempted the way

that most other women are tempted pretty commonly. And one of the lies of the enemy is to somehow think that you're being tempted uniquely. If anybody would know how I'm being tempted, what would they think of me? Well, join the crowd. If you're a man, you're gonna be tempted the way that most other men are tempted. And as a woman, you'll be tempted the way that most other women are tempted. And that is when temptation needs to be dealt with when it's still an urge, a thought, a fantasy, an idea. There is no temptation that seizes you except for that which is common. And with the temptation, at first, I'll stand up on this one. The Holy Spirit will usually shout at you and say, stop, what are you doing? Get out of there, bounce the eyes, run away, run, run, run. And we hang around and we say, well, it's not so bad. Because what's the problem with the look? I'm not buying the product, you know? And then the Holy Spirit says, no. And we hang around, we horse around, we hang around, we horse around. The temptation grows stronger, our will grows dimmer. And pretty soon, guess what we hear from the Holy Spirit? Listen carefully. Well, that's what we hear, wow. And then we cross over the line.

We take the off-ramp to stupidville. And then there are consequences to be paid. And that's the thing that the enemy always tries to shield us, Ed and Lisa. The enemy tries to shield us. I mean, we can talk about how bad adultery is. We can talk about how bad pornography, all the other attachments, till the cows come home. What the enemy does not want us to know and to think about are the consequences of those choices. That's so well said, brilliant. And we begin to cultivate, Don, this relationship with a third party by saying things and sharing things we have no business doing. One of the rules that Lisa and I have tried to live by is when we are alone, or I shouldn't say alone, or maybe just talking to a member of the opposite sex, that we bring each other up, like in the first, hopefully, 20 seconds of the conversation. And you've said it a thousand times. Oh, by the way, this is my wife, Lisa. This is my wife, Lisa. I want you to meet her. I remember distinctly, we were at a restaurant in Dallas and we were exiting and there was this woman coming up and she recognized Ed. I mean, she was dressed and she was- She had all the curves in the right places. She was everything.

And so she just stopped and started talking to Ed and I was coming out. And the moment Ed caught me in the side of his eye, you know, peripheral vision, he called me over to introduce me to her. And it just was like, hmm. And I'm not saying I'm perfect in every situation, guys. Don't think like, oh my goodness, this guy's the Apostle Paul. No, I'm not saying that, but I'm saying, yeah. But I mean, that's the kind of practical things. And then if- And it becomes habitual muscle memory. That's right. Yeah, and even if it's not like I'm with him, he would say, my wife and I enjoy, he would bring me into the conversation and I him as well. The message is so clear. It is we, our, us. Oh, brilliant. This is our relationship. Come on, Don. He's doing it now. And there's not room for a third person in this relationship. And I can't tell you how proud it makes me feel when he does that. I mean, I'm just standing there going, well, look at you, but look at me, look at me. I got the man. No, Lisa, but I feel the same way.

I'm sure you do. If you're on the pickleball court and I'm not there, Lisa loves pickleball, and Don, I have, pickleball is not my first love, it's really not, but I've tried to play more and more because Lisa enjoys it. That's right, that's right. And now I'm starting to kind of get into it a little bit. Pickleball is my fishing. Yeah, and Lisa, though, Lisa has- And I have fished a lot. Don, how great it is, Lisa- I love it. She won't fish with me, I mean, it's not like, I think sometimes we say- I don't do the tournaments with you. Yeah. I mean- But she'll fish with me, not every time, but she'll fish with me. And I am like that with pickleball. I don't play pickleball with her every time, but some of the time, because I know that leads to a good time. So that, there's a little sacrifice that has a big reward. That's true. But anyway, even then, though, Lisa, and I know you do the same, so it's not just me that does that,

you do that as well. No, I do, I bring you into conversations. Even in the church, when I meet people and I'll talk about my husband and whatever, and it just brings validity to our relationship, and it brings a confidence- Yes, it does. Of the oneness that we shared. And again, as you just articulated, it says there's no room for anyone else. There's no room here. And Don, too, don't we, we convince ourselves it's not gonna happen, then we cultivate the relationship with the third party, and then we compare our spouse with others, which it's unfair to compare. It's unfair to compare, it's way, I mean, how many ways can you spell dumb? It is like, when you start to do that, listen, here's the thing. The person that you're likely or could be at risk of or you're tempted to have an affair with is typically, you're gonna see that other person at their best moment, gonna be dolled up, looked up, smelled up, looking good, feeling, I mean, it's all good. And then when you're with somebody in this covenant relationship of marriage, you are basically saying, for better or worse, in richer or poorer, in sickness or in health.

In other words, you are gonna be with that person 24-7 in your heart and mind, and sometimes they're not always gonna look their best, but then you sometimes can just start to make these little compromises of comparisons. And listen, that really, can I just say, that is the definition of adultery. That is what we're talking about. Adultery means to give to another what rightfully only belongs to the one. Let me say that again. That's brilliant. Adultery means that you are giving to another what only rightly belongs to the one. Listen, God will never prohibit from you anything that is ultimately good for you. And if he says. I love that. Let me say, you wanna say that again? Yes, sir, God. Listen, God will never prohibit. He's not this cosmic killjoy. Like, oh, you really wanna do this, but I'm just gonna take. No, God will never prohibit from you anything that is ultimately good for you. And he said, it is not good for the man to be alone. And so he provided a person who approximated him, a wife who was gonna be with him, someone that he could enter into a covenant relationship.

And yet, just one look, that's all it took. You know, and then, like, you start to look, and then you look again, then you take that second, third look, and pretty soon that person's embedded in your mind, and then it's not too long until from the head to the bed. Guard your heart above all else, for out of it flows everything that's important in life. I think it's interesting, too, that in the wedding vows, the traditional wedding vows, it is for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, so that the bad stuff's already in there, so it's not like, ooh, I'm shocked. There's lots of pretty things. Wait, I didn't sign up for that. No, I mean, the wedding vows right initially tell us that it's not gonna be a bed of roses, and so we should always be prepared. And going back to just smart practices that can cultivate, well, this is a dumb practice that can cultivate an affair, is in business, often you have to have lunch or a meeting with the opposite sex, and one of the things that Ed and I have, that's in. and our decision making process, our 10 commandments of purity that we've written for ourselves is that we're not going to eat alone with a member of the opposite sex.

I understand for us that works, for others they may have business meetings or whatever, but don't go personal in those meetings. Watch your tongue, watch what you share. Because when you start to share personal things, then there's this little emotional thing that starts to be activated in the four and a half inches between your ears, like this person laughs at my jokes. This person thinks I'm all that. This person really thinks I'm something. And that becomes almost like a friendship. And one of the things that Dr. Don asked us in one of our sessions with him, and he just looked at Ed and he said, Ed, do you have friends, male friends, who you can confide in, who have a biblical understanding of the direction God has for your life? Do you have those types of friends? And I was so, you know, I knew it, but for him to articulate, here are three people, four people who I know fit into that category, and he asked me the same question. None of those people were of the opposite sex. They were of men to men, women to women, and that's it. And you know what's so great about the body of Christ, the local church, Don, is we provide opportunity after opportunity for this. We have a phenomenal men's ministry. We have a men's breakfast every Tuesday morning. What a great place to meet people.

We have mid-sized groups, Bible studies. We have small groups, I mean, serving teams. So, I mean, you gotta be in stupor, Bill, not to meet these. A friend, I call it a pain partner friend, a friend who knows how to listen. Someone who would take a bullet for you. Someone who has similar interests, same sex, same gender. Somebody that knows how to listen. Someone that can ask a second question and a third question and stay out of their own autobiography long enough to get into your world and ask the second and the third. Oh, is that good? Did you hear that? I love that. And ask you again, and draw it out. Stay out of your own, say that again, Don. Come on, Don. Stay out of your own, listen, when you're listening to somebody. Yes. Stay out of your own autobiography long enough to ask that other person a second question. Tell me what it's like. Yes. What does it feel like? How did you manage that? How did you get through that? Tell me more about you. You step aside, get into that person's world. It's like becoming incarnate into the other person's world

to draw them out. And believe me, as iron sharpens iron, a two-fold cord is not easily broken. The words of a friend, trustworthy friends, sometimes can be harsh at, is my preaching or just answering? Oh, no, you are preaching, Dr. Don. Come on, Don. All right, but the point is, is listen. All right, I'm gonna be as blunt as I can. Guys, listen to me carefully. Eyeball me. Get a friend or have a failure. Woo. I don't know if I can be any more clear. That doesn't mean to say that if you have a close friend, you won't have a failure, but I've never seen an exception that if you do not have a friend, it's inevitable. It's only a matter of time. Don, you remember, well, of course, he's iconic, the musical artist, Michael W. Smith? Yeah. Okay. Here's my quick imitation of him, and this is my favorite song he sings. ♪ Friends are friends forever ♪ ♪ If the Lord is Lord of them ♪ Wow. I've always wanted to do that.

That's not bad, go for it. That's pretty good. Not bad at all. Was it? I was a little bit off tune. ♪ Friends will not say never ♪ ♪ If welcome will not end, it's hard to let it go ♪ And we need this kind of a friend. ♪ In the Father's hands we know ♪ And women, you need one too. It's a lifetime. That's a pretty good song. But I love Iron Sharpens Iron. The sad thing is if you want to cultivate an affair, it's like you choose anything but iron. Yeah. You choose some soft substance. Woo, that's good. You want a sinful sympathizer. All of us can find someone who will enter our pity party and celebrate pity with us. So we're not talking about just anybody. We're talking about a friend that has the stuff. It's the iron because once you start telling your sob story, well, you just don't know, they don't understand me, or she's crazy and she says he's a narcissist. That's where it always ends up. She's crazy, he's a narcissist. Yeah, and so people will say, oh, I get it, I get it. I'm telling you, I see, and I think you're 100% right.

Oh, it's that empathy, and oh, that must be. He's so, and then you go home and this person's not listening to you. Your spouse is not listening, they're not caring, they're not celebrating. But this person, it just feels so good. So you have to choose wisely, otherwise you will cultivate a relationship. Don has, in this guy's life, you wouldn't believe his life. Military, don't even ask him about that. We're talking about on the next level, his background. And what he's done with all of that, also with all of his marathons he's run and is still running, he has some core friends that are iron in his life. Every Saturday morning, and one of the great, one of the first things about a close friend is they can't be overly impressed by you. I mean, my friends are not, oh, Dr. Litchi, tell us everything you know. No, they say, you're so full of it. Yeah, that's what you need, we need that, guys. I mean, we always say what goes on the trail stays on the trail. But listen, I've got these three other guys we meet at 6.55 every Saturday morning. We pray together, we run together, we talk together, we solve people's problems, we share our life together. What goes on the trail stays on the trail. And these are friends that I know would be my pain partners.

They would be by my side, they have been my side, through cancer, and through struggles, and kids, and prodigals, and on and on and on. These are people that not only are not overly impressed by me, but they really love me. And there's things I can share with them as men to men. Guys, listen, get a friend. Women, get a friend, two or three. Guys, two or three. Guy friends, women, two or three. Close, female friends. You say, my spouse is my best friend. No, I'm talking that your spouse is your dearest eros friend. These are the best philia friends. People that are your friends, that even say, the scripture says, even stick closer than a brother. Philia is brother, right? Philia is brotherly love, that's where we get philia. And eros would be erotic intimate. Erotic love, that's the love you have here. Yeah, yeah, that's good. So, Ed, what do we do if we want to not have an affair? We basically reverse the process. We took those principles about how to have an affair, and then, okay, I'm gonna have an affair with my spouse. Why do you do that? Convince yourself, right? It can happen to you. You walk in reality.

Also, cultivate your relationship with your mate. Cultivate, say that again. That is like really a big word. Cultivate. That means? Mate night, mate night. Do it over, over, and over, and over, and over. That's right, over, and over, and over again. Cultivate your relationship with your mate, and that is just. Think about gardening or farming, and they talk about cultivating the soil. It's a process. It's something that is done with intention. It's something that is done to make the soil healthy so that the seed can grow. So, we have to cultivate. It means that we're gonna work. We have to have that marital work ethic. MWE, Dawn, the marital work ethic. It is. Marital work ethic. It is work. At least it's a persistent effort. It's a persistent thing. Yes, on the part of two people to create for each other those conditions whereby each of them might better fulfill God's intended purpose to be better than they could have ever been alone.

Yes. And you have three words. Oh, I do. Are you ready? That are three phrases. This is gonna help cultivate. This is really easy, so you might wanna take a note, but put it in your long-term memory. That's even better. Listen, God has created us to be bonded to the sources of our pleasure. He wants us to take delight in him. God wants us to take delight in our spouse. And these are the three things that I have found that I would say become the divorce proof. Listen, I've only been doing this for 44 years and 54,000 hours of clinical work, but I have never seen not one, not one, not one single time. Ever, ever, never, ever, never. Not one time. A case of divorce if, I-F, if these three things are in place. You ready? This is gonna save you a lot of marital counseling money, so write it down. Here it goes. If you will pray together, become vulnerable together and bond your marriage to the dependency upon Jesus Christ. He is our rock, he is our foundation.

Pray together. Doesn't have to be all that complicated. Just hold each other and say, Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy and bless my spouse today and help her have a wonderful day, amen. Listen, even if you're angry at each other, do this. Pray together. Then, lay together, the Biblical term, healthy, active, interesting sex together. Let me just say that one more time. Lay together, lay together, lay together, lay together, lay together, lay together, lay together, and it'll help you to pray together, and you pray together, and lay together, lay together, lay together, and then, also, play together. Have fun, look at each other, laugh at each other, smile at each other, laugh at each other's jokes, even if you've heard it three or four times. In other words, I've got this one couple that I've worked with, and she decided to put this into practice, and she decided that every time her husband comes into the room, he walks into the room, and the first thing she does is she goes, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, and he goes, grr, like that, and that's their little ritual that they do, and the funniest thing in the world.

The funniest thing in the world. I bet you do. And they laugh at each other. I mean, you could do that today and have so much fun. Lisa, you need to start doing that. So, you know what, we kind of started. You could do this with Ed. Ed walks into the room, you go, ooh, and Ed's gonna go, grr. We kind of took another approach. We decided that we needed to act for each other, like when Ed would come home, or I would come home, as our dogs do to us. Like, they are so excited to see us. They jump up and down. They rub up against us. So, we decided that we needed to have the very same energy as our dogs when he gets home in the afternoon. So, I'm like, hey, you're home. Hey, before you check the mail, and before you kiss the kids, before you do, listen, grab each other, and hug each other, and give each other a kiss. Before you leave and apart from each other, even if you're upset at each other, make sure that you, this is called a ritual. You say, oh, we're evangelical Christians. We don't do rituals. Yes, you do.

You do rituals all the time. You take a bath every day, or a shower. You use deodorant every day. That's a ritual. You hold and love your spouse, and you look them in the eye, and you say, I just want you to know, I do love you, and I'll tell you why I do that. Because all too often, I've seen a couple that are angry, they slam the door, they spin out of the driveway, and something happens, and that's the last lingering memory that they have. Always have those entry and exit rituals. I love that one. Or you can clap for your spouse, and he'll go, ah, like that. Another thing, too, you were talking about play and laughter. Yes. Ed and I enjoy laughter. Now, he is way more funny than I am. He's funnier than I am, but I can be funny. Yeah, oh, yeah. You can be. But we laugh with each other. Female humor is different than male humor a lot, isn't it, Doc? It's different. It's different. But you're funny, honey.

I gotta think about that for a second. No, you are funny. But we laugh, but I'll tell you a dangerous place to be is if you can't laugh at yourself. Laughing, yes, you've gotta be able to do that. Self-esteem, someone who cannot laugh at himself usually has some deep hurt, insecure. Be able to laugh at yourself. There are things about myself that are very laughable, and I tend to be sensitive, but I have learned, you know what, just laugh with it. Ed doesn't make fun of me. He doesn't say things that are digs to me, and especially in front of other people. No. Oh, no. Oh, I, I. Now, you could, but that would not be a good thing to do. That's on the road to stupidville. That's the road. That's on the road to stupidville. That's the off-ramp to stupidville. The best gift, and Ed mentioned this this weekend, that he can do a message here at Fellowship Church and preach a message, and a lot of people can say, oh, Ed, that was, that was a great message, Pastor. That was wonderful, but if I say it, it has so much more weight. Brr. That's right.

When you speak positively about your spouse to other people. Oh, there's nothing like it. It puts wind in their sails. Yes. They're, go ahead, we've got time. Somebody compliment somebody. So much. And in the same way, if you speak harsh words about your spouse or take digs at them, that is so, so difficult to absorb. And we're one flesh as a couple. We're married, we become one, two become one. So really and truly, if you're taking a dig at your spouse, you're really digging at yourself. Dawn, you know what? I can tell the marital temperature of couples, this is just me, when one is telling a story and I watch how the other one looks at the one telling the story, and I've seen the other one do this. Roll their eyes or look away, not pay attention. Or walk away. Or walk away. Oh no, it wasn't a 10 pound bass, it was a 7.3. The point is, it was a big mess. You know what I'm saying to you, so just, and it's like, or they'll look away. So we need to eyeball each other. Yes, that's what I was trying to say.

Your emotions are primarily, believe it or not, your emotions are primarily expressed through your eyes. When you gaze upon, look upon, that's why you are to look at each other, but look at each other in your eyes. That might be a little uncomfortable because maybe you haven't done it for a long time, but oftentimes, what'll happen is that when you look at each other in the eyes, sometimes it's gonna go way past that cognitive part of you. It'll tap into that emotional part, and sometimes those tears will come out. When you say, you know what, I just want you to know, I love you, Marcy, I love you. We've been married in April, 55 years, 55, 55. Is that possible? And I want you to know, I love you very, very much, and your marriage can just heal so much of past wounds. And someone that's in the throes of this thing called adultery, that's been the topic. We're talking about building some safeguards and guardrails at the top of the hill, and I'm thankful that we have a church and we have counselors that can be with us at the bottom of the hill when the crash is there. Thank God for that. But listen, beloved, build these fences at the top of the hill. Pray together, lay together, play together,

stay together, look at each other, share experiences, laugh with each other, have fun together, and continue to nurture the intimacy. Jesus, when he writes to his bride in Revelation, he says, there was a time you were really hot for me. You were hot, and now you've become kind of lukewarm. Listen, get the fire going back in your marriage. Right, and you know, Don, when it comes to marriage, as you've said, and as I've said, and as Lisa has said, and of course the Bible says, marriage is the only relationship that symbolizes and mirrors God's relationship with his people. So maybe you find yourself out here today or at one of our different locations, and you've never crossed the line of faith and invited Christ into your life. All of this stuff we're talking about is fine and dandy, but without the gospel, I mean, you're trying harder. Ed, can I just say one thing? This came to me while we were singing that song about the middle, then the cross. You know, on the cross, there was the thief. Yes. Think about the adulterer. Think about possibly you on that. And you look at the cross, and you see Jesus Christ, and he says, you know what? I do love you. I love you. And that's what you're saying.

That's right. The gospel is open to you. It is open to every single person. And if we realized how much we're loved by God, we would blow a fuse. So I wanna pray right now for all the marriages, number one, and then number two, I wanna give you an opportunity, those of you who maybe never made this decision, to make the decision to respond to the love, this outrageous and contagious love, from Jesus Christ himself, okay? Let's pray. Father, I pray for every marriage here. You know the situation. You know the conversations, God. And I just ask, Lord, for breakthroughs. I ask for faith and repentance in marriages. I ask for just life change that only comes from you. And may we walk, God, in the power of your gospel, in the power of forgiveness. And may we be as wise as serpents and harmless as doves when it comes to marriage, from building those boundaries at the top of the hill. If you're here right now, and you've never ever asked Jesus Christ to take control of your life, just simply say these words after me. Just say these words to God. Say, God, I admit to you that I am a sinner,

that I've messed up, that I have a lot of turnovers, and that's just me, I admit that. But Lord, I turn from that, and I turn to you. I believe, God, you sent Jesus Christ to die on the cross for my sins and to rise again, to live perfectly, to die sacrificially, to rise bodily. And right now, just say it, right now, I ask you to come into my life. I give you my all, my everything. And let me tell you something. You might be going, well, man, you don't know what I'm into. You don't know what I've done. Hey, God does, and he still is madly in love with you, and he wants to meet you right where you are. So just invite him into your life, and you'll become born again. You'll become a new creature in Christ. The Holy Spirit will be inside your life, who will give you the power from the inside out to live the life as a husband, as a wife, or a single adult. that the Lord Jesus wants. We ask all these things in Christ's name. Thank you, Lord. Amen. Amen. Let's thank Dr. Don Litchie. Come on, Don. Let's stand to our feet again. Come on, wasn't that so good? Yep.

Did you guys know this is my son-in-law, Brad? Tim Tebow 2.0, that's what we call him. Some say I'm the Teemer of Tim Tebow. Taller, leaner, meaner, greener. I'll take it. Oh, yeah. I will take that. Come on, wasn't that so good? That's awesome. You may be seated. And that's just a glimpse of what we got to experience this past week at the Creative Marriage Conference. And I would just go ahead and encourage you, sign up for next year. It's gonna be absolutely phenomenal. And if you just prayed that prayer with Pastor, and you accepted a relationship with Jesus, greatest decision you could ever make, come on, church, let's put our hands together for everyone who made that decision. And hey, look, this isn't the finish line. It's not like, oh, I prayed the prayer, now I'm done. No, this is the starting point of what God wants to do in your life. And you gotta have the right people around you to keep this thing going in the right direction. And we've got some phenomenal people on the sides of our worship center. You can see these people right here.

They are ready to help you. They wanna pray with you. We wanna hand you a Bible and get you started and say, hey, here's where you start out. Here's how to read the Bible. We wanna talk to you about what this looks like. What are your next steps? And we wanna help you however we can. So please, man, that's from us to you. We want you to start this thing out on the right foot. Well, the good news is you don't have to wait until next year to get some really great teaching and handles on marriage and family. We talk about it all the time here at Fellowship Church. And we are actually about to drop two incredible seminars here in the spring. Check this out. We've got The Seven Senses of Marriage. That's all about how you can learn to love your spouse with everything that you got. And then we've got The Winning Family, how you can unlock the tools to become a creative parent. And so those are taking place on Wednesday nights at 7 p.m. starting March 4th and April 8th. We would love to see you there. They're free 99. And so just show up. We've got childcare taken care of for you. And those are going to be an awesome time. And we are officially in conference season

here at Fellowship. We wrapped up Creative Marriage and now we're about to start the C3 Conference. If you're not familiar, like what's C3? C3 is a conference that we have been having for over 25 years. We have leaders and pastors coming in from all over the country to learn and clean on leadership. And here's the thing. It's not just for pastors and church leaders. This thing is for you. If you're in a place in your life, in your leadership, in your career, where you're like, man, I just need that boost, I need that jolt, I need that catalyst, then C3 is the catalyst. Just get in the room. No words I could tell you can do it justice. And if you're saying, hey, I can't do the daytime sessions, that's okay. We've got C3 nights. They're free and open to the public. And we've got some phenomenal speakers. We got Philip Anthony Mitchell. I know you've seen him on Instagram and TikTok. He's unreal. He can preach the pain off the walls. And then we got Eric Metaxas. He's phenomenal as well. And we're gonna learn a lot, grow a lot, get closer to Jesus.

So make sure that you come and invite somebody that doesn't know the Lord and watch what God will do in their life. We love you guys. We'll see you back right here at the C3 Conference, Wednesday and Thursday of this week here at Fellowship Church. We'll see you back here at the C3 Conference. We'll see you back here at the C3 Conference.