Faith Not Fantasy | Crossroads Daily

Hey, I'm Chuck, I'm Kirsten, I'm Miko, I'm Chris. Hey, we're excited to talk to you today. And we're looking at John 16 and we're going to talk about grief. Because Jesus says in this chapter, you will grief to his disciples. And I got this little book because I went to a workshop and I didn't know what it was going to be about and turned out to be about grief. And the guy, John Uchekwa, who led it said some stuff about grief that I just don't ever want to forget. He said, grief doesn't expire. It's an invitation to an ongoing conversation for the rest of your life. Grief is not a journey, because it doesn't end. And this is what he said that was so powerful. Grief is a language. And it's a language we learn to speak over our lives. And there's two kinds of grief, there's tangible grief, someone died, right? That kind of grief. And then there's intangible grief. And when I think about what the disciples are probably feeling, it's more of that intangible grief. Jesus is still there, but clearly something's being lost. And so I would love for you guys to think about when's a time in your life where you had this kind of intangible grief? For me, I launched an organization, and the organization is still going on. But it was clear a couple of years ago that my time in leading the organization was coming to an end. And man, that was super, super hard when you birth something. And in your mind, you play it out like, oh, I'm going to be in this role for a longer period of time. And man, there was definitely this sense of like, what am I going to do outside of this, if this chapter is ending?

And that was definitely something I had to grieve, even though I was excited about the person who was stepping into the role next and all of those things. There was absolutely the loss of like, there's going to be something different on the other side of this for me. And that was a really hard one. So that was maybe my most recent example of this intangible grief that we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. You used the word birth. I've birthed two children in my life. Yeah. Let me clarify. I started an organization. I didn't birth anything. You have birthed it. Well, I felt offended. You have birthed it. No, no. It just, it didn't. Man of many talents. You have birthed it. Not that talent. It did remind me though, because with both of my boys, there were some genetic questions that happened. And through that process, there was like grief of the life I pictured with them. Like there was just one of the possibilities was that we were cystic fibrosis carriers, which if my husband and I, there's a bunch of genetic mumbo jumbo, but essentially it could equal our son Emmett having a really high chance, which still there's a lot of research happening with that diagnosis, but it's still a fatal disease. And so there was a grieving of what would that look like for our family?

Like our sports wouldn't look the same that we pictured with two boys and all of the things. And I just like praise Jesus and our story, it ended up, he does not have cystic fibrosis. He's just a carrier, which is great news. But even further in the layers of it, it's then I started grieving for others that do have that story and grieving. If we want more kids, like what are the possibilities of them having something that doesn't eat? It almost makes you question like, do I even have more kids? Like do we just call it like we hit the jackpot with two healthy boys? And so there's a grieving. I like the idea that grief doesn't have an expiration date because I constantly am like weighing grief against my decisions, which does not feel like the right, like that's not what God has for me or my family. And so, yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I feel like in the middle of both of your statements, I know we had talked about it in the past, the Pascal mystery, I believe. And I found myself just kind of like, when I say in the middle, it's like you're grieving the business you started and then you're grieving the life you envisioned. And I had a season where I was really grieving the life that I had envisioned. I had been talking to God about dreams and ambitions for years. And then coming to a point where I felt like what God was telling me was, Miko, you've turned faith into... fantasy, and I'm not in that." And this idea of how I was anticipating things to come about, he kind of like subtly, gently let me know like, no, that's not it. And then there was a grieving process of having to let go of this idea I've made in my head that I've been believing for for years at this point, to the idea of like, okay, wow, then God, if not that, then what? You know? And that was one of those, it was eye-opening, definitely, to recognize like, okay, I need to embark on this grieving journey regarding this. But then the grieving in and of itself was like, it kind of ebbed and flowed, you know, it was kind of up and down a bit. And I even still find myself, you know, kind of like, okay, God, maybe it'll look like this,

you know what I mean? And really just happened to get to a place of like, no, just let it go completely. And focus on what I have you focused on, what I would have you to focus on. And trust that that is good. And whatever comes from, you know, pursuing the things that I have in front of you, get on board with that. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like when grief is self-inflicted, it can add another layer too. I remember when I had moved to Cincinnati, I'd grown up in Columbus my whole life, and I was the most comfortable human being on the planet. I had a great friend group, a solid job. My family was close in town. Everything I wanted was there, but I was so in the middle ground with the Lord, with a lot of things. I just wasn't, nothing in my life was moving forward. I was just so comfortable. Everything was, I wasn't taking any risks. And in a moment of weakness, the Lord just gave me a job opportunity in Cincinnati and I moved. And I remember day three, just standing in my apartment by myself. The group chat is blowing up of guys hanging out back home. And I'm like, why am I here? Why did I do this? Like life was amazing. Like stuff was awesome. And like, and now I'm watching Seinfeld by myself every night and playing video games and eating. I know it's the show. And just cooking dinner for one. And I'm like, why? Like I, life was kind of set in a lot of ways. And it felt like this moment. I remember standing in my kitchen in this moment of God saying like, Hey, are you ready to deal with me now? And in Columbus, I was never in a spot where I was just me and God as always living with a bunch of guys, or I was in corporate relationship with Jesus. It was a bunch of us falling God together. And there was never this intimate, Hey, it's me and you God. And kind of like when a friend group has that glue guy and then they, they leave and it's like the two people were like, what do we talk about? Like, I was like, so God, what are you praying about right now? It's just kind of awkward. And over months and months of time, I felt like the Lord introduced me to the sweetness of getting to know him and not just him plus a bunch of friends, him plus the comfortability of life that I had. It was just kind of me and him in the city. I didn't know no one around me that I knew. And so that grief of losing something, but I feel like I relate to the disciples of like, and G is saying, Hey, it's better for you to lose this thing because you'll be in a better spot to know me. And I feel like that's what I found. Yeah. Yeah. How's that played out? So yeah. What's, what's maybe better or different on the other side of walking through that difficulty? Absolutely. It feels in some sense, it feels more lonely because I think truly to truly give yourself to Jesus is to forsake a lot of things and a lot of comfort abilities of

just Jesus plus this. Say that again. To give yourself to Jesus is to forsake a lot of things. And a lot of things where it's like, well, it's fine if I tack this on just to make myself feel like, well, okay, if I don't feel like God loves me today, at least I have this thing, this person, this show, this hobby, and to be stripped of all of that and just be like, it's me and God. And it gives a freedom to enjoy all of those things now where those things were like, well, if I don't have my friend group, like that, I'm nothing where now it's like, oh my, the blessing of these friends I have now, and they don't have to be everything for me or I fall apart. It's like, no, God is King. And these things just get to be those things. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good, man. And I think what, so when it comes to grief, the thing that I've learned is it's, well, I learned this about everything physical. Most physical activities, rock climbing, I've tried that a couple of times, rappelling, I've done that. This is certainly true when it comes to any exercise that you're doing. The worst position to be in is to grip tightly. Like if you grip tightly when you repel, you will literally burn your hands on the rope, right? For the record, it's like that with birth too. Just saying. Is it? Is it? Yes. Terrible idea. Again, you are the only expert in here to speak to that. Right. But yes. But it's the same thing. And I think grief is the same way. Like we have to actually release ourselves to feel the grief. The worst thing you can do is to just try to sidestep the grief. And I think that's why Jesus says to the disciples in this chapter, you will grieve, but then he makes this incredible promise, but your sorrow will turn to joy. But not if you don't feel the sorrow, right? You gotta feel it. But if you're willing to lean into the grief, and maybe today there's something you're grieving, and maybe this language of intangible grief

is really helpful, because you're like, yeah, there's not like a funeral, but what about the dreams that have died and you can't have a funeral for them, right? What about the challenges that you face that don't have an expiration date? Because maybe you and your husband will decide to have more kids, right? And that risk is still there. What about now that you're a comfortable guy again in Cincinnati, what happens when the next invitation to get uncomfortable comes, right? And in those places, I think that's where Jesus' words are so powerful, and I love the words he says in this chapter, lest we think we get to avoid this grief thing. He says, in this world, you will have trouble. That's a promise. Now, I love the promises of God, but he could pull that one out, and I would not be offended, right? But no, in this world, you will have trouble, but he says, take heart, for I have overcome the world. No matter what we face, no matter how hard it is, we can overcome it, because we don't have to overcome it alone. So any final words or encouragement to somebody who might be like, man, I'm getting in touch with a grief that I maybe haven't faced before? What's a final word of encouragement you might give them?

Something that I remind myself of is how even Jesus grieved, right? When Lazarus died, and everything Jesus did is good. So there's a goodness in grief, and just embracing it, you know? That's good. I think, too, even in that example, Jesus knew what was to come. I know I'm gonna raise Lazarus, yet he still wept over him, and he still let himself feel that pain and process, and so I think there's something to say about just being present with wherever we're at, and letting the hard things feel that, even though the hope still might be there. It can be a messy mix of both things. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's all good. Yeah, you reminded me of the point in Scripture where Jesus is like, Lord, take this cup from me. I don't know. It's probably in the story that we're in right now. Somewhere in, it's about him being crucified. He's like, God, do I have to do this? Yeah. For even Jesus just to be so connected to his Father to be like, God, is this really what my life has to be? Is this really what will bring joy over overcome the world? Ultimately, he just submits and finds that, so wow.

Absolutely, so maybe you are learning the language of grief. Hey, lean in and become fluent. Become fluent in grief, realizing that Jesus' promise is true. In this world, you will have trouble, but take heart because he has overcome the world. ♪♪♪