Damage Control || The Blueprint with Dr. Dharius Daniels

your life cultures way, that's the way of the world churches way, that's the way of religion and the king's way, that is the way of the rabbi, the way of Jesus. When you live life, the king's way, that's third way, you actually get the result and the result is a kingdom life, life as God intended when you live life, when you live when you handle marriage rather, third way, the result that you get is a kingdom marriage, that was that marriage as God intended, the way leads you to the result, the directions lead you to the destination and this Bible study is a Bible study that is birthed from flows from that particular and that specific conviction. We take the truth of scripture and we show you how it applies to a way or how it should influence the way we're actually living our life. We believe Christianity is about life. Jesus said, I've come that you might have life and have it to the full and that life doesn't just begin when you die, that eternal life begins when you surrender your life to his leadership, making him your Lord and Savior. And so we're super grateful to have the opportunity to connect with you if you are here for the first time, I'm so honored to have you here and I pray that you give us a little time because I believe that God's Word can add some tremendous value to your life. Our Bible study on Wednesdays is a deeper dive into a subject that we teach on Sundays at a church I lead called Change Church and really, really excited about what God is doing in and through Change Church on last Wednesday we made an announcement about an expression of ministry is not a church campus but an expression of ministry we're going to be launching in New York City starting January, 2027, it's called the Change Collective in Y.C. A collective place, a collective is a gathering place with a sending purpose. It means that we are gathering people together for the purpose of equipping and empowering them to go back out to the places that God has assigned them to be salt and light so that they can do that more effectively. And so I'm really, really excited about this. This isn't gathering for the purpose of building change church per se, it is gathering for the purpose of building people so that people as the church, right, can go back into their places and spaces and make a difference and so we'll be a God willing in New York City

for a live gathering once a month we'll have periodic events there in New York and we're just excited to see what God's going to do and if you are in the NYC area and you want to stay informed about what's happening in the collective I want you to follow the information on the screens you can simply text the word there or take a screenshot of it and text it later and that way as we move forward with training nights and as we prepare to roll out what we believe God's put on our heart to do you'll be in the know about that. Alright, so we are in what I'm calling a sandwich series, it's a sandwich series, it is right in the middle of a series I finished recently called relationship apology and a series I'm about to begin called We Outside. So one series relationship apology is about relationships. We outside is about your work and when I say your work, not your job, your purpose. But watch this. What happens in your relationships and what happens in your work is going to be deeply impacted by what's happening in you and so if we don't use the truth of scripture to expose and address some things that are happening in us is going to ruin our relationships and is going to negatively impact our work and witness. And so this series we're doing is called toxic traits and we are taking biblical characters in the Old Testament and we are using those characters as a mirror for God to show us things in us and also as a map on how to take some steps to address those things. And so we're going to take a deeper dive into the life of an individual named Abraham today. It's in Genesis chapter 12 verse 10 says, now there was a famine in the land and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarah, I know what a beautiful woman you are when the Egyptians see you, they will say this is his wife, then they will kill me but let you live. I want to stop the reading of Scripture there. We're going to teach around this subject tonight, very simply damage control. So, listen to this family. On Sunday, we explored the story of Abraham and used his story as inspiration for this statement. Here it is for my note-takers, "There are things in me that I can't see that are hurting me, that don't come out of me until something happens to me." I'm going to say that again. "There are things in me that I can't see that are hurting me, that don't come out of me until something happens to me." I'm going to say it one more time. "There are things in me that are hurting me that I can't see until something happens to me."

And when something happens to me, it exposes a version of me that is inconsistent with the version of me that God's calling me to be. We call this inferior version of me. Here's what we call this Sunday, our twin. And everybody has a twin. This is an inferior version of us that is influenced by any and everything other than the God that made and created us. Somebody put in the chat, "Hey, twin. Yeah, this is the version of us that is influenced by any and everything other than the God that made and created us." And watch this. This twin only shows up when that twin is triggered. Did you hear what I just said? When there are some circumstances, conditions, contexts that impact us in such a way that the superior version of us, the version of us that should be influenced by the spirit and by the scriptures, the inferior version of us submits to and the superior version of us, the inferior version of us and so the version of us that people get is based on which twin is winning that moment or that day. And we see this reality revealed in the life of this biblical character named Abraham. And on Sunday, here's what we explored. Genesis 12, which is our foundational text for today, what we explored and exposed was this. Abraham showed up one way, meaning one version of himself, in the first part of chapter 12. And then he showed up as another version of himself in the latter part of chapter 12. I want you to see this. He's an individual who is an example of what we've been trying to articulate. In the first part of chapter 12, he's courageous. God tells him, "I want you to leave family. I want you to leave what's familiar. I want to detach you from historic attachments." Watch this because some elevation requires separation. And your ability or your willingness to leave, the terms your ability to go, some people never go because they're unwilling to leave. They never step into purpose because they're in love with preference. They never step into calling because they're in love with comfort. There are some places you can't go because you're unwilling to leave. And leaving. Now, there are a number of different reasons we can talk about this. There are a number of different reasons Abraham might have got that command to leave. But watch this. Sometimes God gives you instruction without explanation. And what we see in the text is what we see in the narrative is that God gives Abraham no explanation regarding the reason he's to leave. He just says, "I need you to leave. And then when you leave, I want you to go to a place I'm going to show you." So watch this. You are leaving what you know to go to a place you have to find out about. Because God doesn't give Abraham specific explanation regarding the destination. He just says, "You're going to leave and you're going to go to a place that I'm going to show you." part of the chapter, what happens? The same man that demonstrates courage in one season is the same man that displays cowardice in another. Notice the text. There's a famine in the land where Abraham settled after he left his family. And so he leaves where he is to go down to Egypt.

The text says just to live for a while. Listen to this. This is what's interesting. As he was about to enter Egypt, he says to his wife, I want you to see this. I know what a beautiful woman you are. And when the Egyptians see you, they will say, this is why. Then they're going to kill you, we're going to let me live. Excuse me, kill me and let you live. So say you're my sister so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you. Now I'm not going to make any unnecessary assumptions here. So I'm just going to ask a question. I know, I know this question is for the sisters, because sisters, I know you don't know the answer to this literally. So I'm going to pose it hypothetically and sisters, I just want to know, will you help me today, I just want to ask a question and I want to know, are you willing to help me? If you're willing to help me, say yes. If you're willing to help me, just say yes. I'm going to ask a question. I know you can't relate literally, but I just, just hypothetically, how many of you would be open to being with your husband and then going, getting to a particular place and your husband says, say you're my sister. How many of you are willing to, just hypothetically, do you think you'd be open to that? Anyway, during this cultural context, women were unfortunately treated almost like property. So Sarai didn't have a lot of agency here, so to label her as passive, naive would be, I think, irresponsible, because contextually, she doesn't have a lot of agency. Although there is, let's be intellectually honest, there's evidence with other characters in scripture like Abigail, there is evidence that a woman's wiring, even though culturally, they were almost treated like property, there is evidence that a woman's wiring does impact the way they show up in a marriage, because when Abigail, who was married to Nabal, who

the Bible calls a fool, when she heard that Nabal's irresponsibility was about to adversely impact her and her family. She didn't just sit passive and do anything, she said, "No, I'm going to fix this." So I do want to be intellectually honest that, yes, a woman's wiring does impact the way she shows up in situations like this, but I am giving you some context historically so that you don't irrationally judge Sarai here. So watch what the text says, it says, "Abraham came to Egypt and the Egyptians saw that Sarai was a very beautiful woman." Oh man, we're going to have to, maybe I'll deal with this when I do woman knowledge in the next year, because, oh gosh, text says she's a very beautiful woman, okay. I think when we have conversations about beauty you got, first way, that becomes obsessed with vanity, I'll bother that later, I know y'all are about to put bothered in the chat but I'm not, yeah, I'm going to leave that alone, but you got first, let me just, I'll just say this, let me just go ahead and say this part of this. First way is like all, it makes everything about vanity, right, but then you get to second way and they misinterpret what they're doing. Ugh. You got me? And then erroneously assume that modesty means you don't value your appearance. Or if someone takes pride in their appearance, they confuse someone taking pride in their appearance with being pride full because of their appearance. And if someone is pride full because of their appearance, that's first way, but taking pride in your appearance is often interpreted and judged by people in second way, like it's first way. So people in church will look at someone in church who actually takes pride in their appearance and will judge them in a way like they are pride full

because of their appearance, because they have misinterpreted modesty. And so what we really need to explore is right, the intention of the biblical writers when they talk about modesty, what was happening in that particular context because a sister that values her appearance isn't necessarily vain. Now, can someone be filled with vanity? Yes, but just because someone takes pride in their appearance doesn't mean they're pride full because of their appearance. And just because a person, oh my gosh, I can't say what, yes, I can't, just because a person is more homely doesn't mean they're more holy. All right, leave that alone, Darius. Sarah I was a very beautiful woman. And the text says when Pharaoh's official saw her, they praise her to Pharaoh. So they bragged on her. They said, man, she's beautiful. And she was taken into his palace. And here's what happens. He thinks Abram is her brother. So he's like, oh, you brother. So the Bible says he treated Abram well for her sake. Abram the gosh, sheep, cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants and camels. Look at this, he got sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants and camels.

Now, if you go to chapter 13 and you look at verse one, you're gonna see something. Abraham went up from Egypt to Navej with his wife and everything he had and a lot went with him. Abraham had become very wealthy in livestock, silver and gold. See, very often people talk about Abraham's wealth without talking about how Abraham got it. So what we see here is Abraham in the top of the chapter demonstrating the courageous trait. Abraham in the bottom of the chapter demonstrating a trait of cowardice, which is a toxic trait. But listen to this, the toxic trait. Listen to this, the toxic trait is a toxic trait that contributed to him becoming wealthy. Let me unpack where I'm going here. I'm using this metaphorically, not literally, because even theologically, I could argue that God blesses Abraham through and in spite of his mess, not because of it. You got me? So that's what we could argue. We could argue that, hey, God could have made you wealthy another way, Abraham, because you gained some resources but you had to lose the respect of your wife. There's no way she respects you the same. Now, as a woman of God, she should love you. Love should be freely given. Respect has to be earned. How's she gonna respect you? It would be rebellious of her not to,

now she shouldn't be disrespectful, but she's not gonna have high regard and high esteem for you. So he gained resources and lost respect. So we could argue like, hey, Abraham, God could have gave you the resources without losing the respect. Whoo, you could have gained the wealth without losing the respect of your wife. Here's what Solomon says in Proverbs, the blessing of the Lord make it rich and add no sorrow. It's not that inconvenience doesn't come with increase, it does, more of anything means more of everything. But it says, but when you increase God's way, you insulate yourself from experiencing unnecessary, listen to me, adversity. [BLANK_AUDIO] There are times when when individuals don't address the toxic traits because the toxic traits seem to be working for them. They get loud and combative and abrasive and they get what they want. And so it now sublimitally sends the message that when I want to get what I want, I get loud, I get combative, I get abrasive. Now let me show you how something like this will show up in relationships. It'll show up in relationships because if someone typically goes silent, gets like silent treatment and the silent treatment gets them what they want, then whatever things don't go their way, they'll give their partner the silent treatment. So some traits aren't addressed because people are assuming they're getting what they want, not realizing that unaddressed toxic traits come with an invoice. They're expensive. Eventually you get the invoice. Eventually you got to pay.

And what we're showing with every biblical character is they pay with their peace, they're going to pay with their productivity, they're going to pay with their, excuse me, pay with their peace, they're going to pay with their productivity, they're going to pay with their purpose, they're going to pay, and they're going to pay with their people. And there are some things we think are happening because of when they're happening in spite of. So Abraham got the wealth, but his twin sabotaged his relationships and eventually circumvented his witness. And I think this raises a very practical question, I'm a biblical pragmatist. How does this apply to my life? What am I supposed to do with this? I actually want to not just be a hero of the word, I'm going to be a doer of the word. So I'm asking questions of the text that will help me do not just know. So I think when we look at Abraham's narrative, we would say, hey, we don't want our story to be Abraham's story. We can relate to his story, but we don't want his story to continue to be our story. So I think this raises a question that we need to try to ask and answer. And that is, how do I handle or manage my twin until God changes my twin? Because you got one. And I have one and everybody has one. How do I manage until God changes it? Now notice the order, notice the sequence of that sentence. Manage take dominion over, contain it until the twins transform. The word the Bible uses regularly for transformation is what we call sanctification. And sanctification one is progressive, sanctification two is multifaceted. Reformation involves illumination, just God has to show you something, right? The most dominant kind of deception is self-deception. One of the greatest forms of deliverance is deliverance from self-deception. So sanctification involves illumination, like the Holy Spirit has to expose the inconsistency of your current action with God's intentions, like the Holy Spirit has to help people see.

You remember Jesus telling Peter flesh and blood did not reveal this to you, but my father, which is in heaven. And when people are acting in ways that are not holy, not healthy, not helpful, very often they are unwilling to change because they can't see it. And you can say it, but they can't see it. And they can lose things because of it, but they can't see it. Sometimes people can see everybody but themselves. So it involves illumination. Then it involves conviction. Once I see a thing, now I need to have a burden to change it. I need to grieve what it is doing to me. And be burdened and inspired to do something about it. And then after conviction, there needs to be instruction. I need to be instructed on how to address it. And then there has to be reformation. There's some things I need to be willing to change. There's some people that want to change some things, but they don't want them to change the things, they change things. People say all the time, oh man, I want to change my prayer life. That means you got to change the schedule. Come on church. You can't do that. I want to change my Bible reading. That means you got to change the schedule. So I got to be willing to change some things to change some things. And then there's resilience. I need to keep working the work until the work works

for sanctification is progressive. So it's a multifaceted process. So it means your twins not disappearing them all. 'Cause we need illumination about what the twin is doing. We need conviction about what the twin is doing. We need instruction on how to change it. We need reformation and we need resilience. And for those of us that are continuationists or some of you may be more familiar with the term Pentecostal or Charismatic or Neocarismatic or Neopentecostal in our numeratology, like in our belief about, our study of the work of the spirit. Very often I think we misrepresent all to ministry and we treat all, we. And yes, the altar is a place where that can be liberation. We can be set free. And when I say altar representing, you know, like the front space of a church, a sanctuary where people avail themselves to the person and the power of the Holy Spirit. And so here's my point. It's like, yes, liberation can take place at the altar. People can be set free. I believe that, I believe that I see it in scripture. I've experienced it in my life. Yes, I believe it. Yes, it could be not only the spirit removing some things or delivering us from some things, the altars of place for impartation, which is the spirit depositing some things in us.

I believe in all of that liberation impartation. But we can confuse moments of liberation and impartation with complete sanctification. Some people say, "I went to the altar and he made me new." No, conversion made you new. The altar may have made you free of something, not everything. 'Cause there's some things you don't know you need to be free from 'cause the spirit has to give you illumination. (silence) So my twin's not gonna disappear magically. So what do I need? I need management. I need dominion. I need to strap down the twin until the Lord helps me win. So here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna go back to our text here in Genesis 12. And we're gonna explore what Abraham could have done differently to manage his twin. I don't know where this twin came from. I don't think you should judge what a... You can critique, but I don't think you could make a judgment on a person, or should make a judgment on a person what they've done without asking questions in terms of what happened to them that will make them prone to do that. See, the text says... I'm not gonna spend too much time here, but notice that the text says Abraham makes this statement. Man, when we get to Egypt, they're gonna kill us.

So this means... There is a narrative in his mind about the Egyptians. So I don't know if that narrative is founded or unfounded. It could be based in truth. Jonah, let's use Jonah, for example, Jonah in the Old Testament had legitimate reason to not wanna go to Nineveh. Nineveh's in Assyria. He had legitimate reason. Like, there is a history there that legitimized Jonah's reticence to go. But a reason not to want to do it isn't an excuse to disobey. So I don't know why Abraham, maybe there's some things that he's heard or experienced, or I don't know if this is his first time in Egypt, that he's seen. I don't know. But here's what I know. He displayed and demonstrated a toxic trait. Not just in Egypt with Pharaoh, but he did the same thing later with a bimilek. Now, here's what's crazy. He does this in Genesis 12 with Pharaoh, when he is Abraham. He gets a name change, which is indicative of a character change. So let's call that conversion. Like, just for the sake of metaphorically, let's say he gets saved. Now, we could argue, he already has a relationship

with Yahweh, 'cause Genesis 12, the Lord is the one that told us, And let's just say this is conversion, right? I'm more inclined to say the name changes more about sanctification than conversion. But I think it could be either one. Here's the point that I'm making though, even when he was Abraham, he did the same thing with a bimilek. He said his wife was the sister again. Because there's a difference between me receiving the Lord's salvation and me going through the Lord's process of sanctification is progressive and is multifaceted. It takes time, not just to fix some stuff. Think about how long it takes God to fix some things with us. Now, let's go back to illumination. Is some stuff you got to show you the knees fixing? I can get any help in this church. So whatever is driving Abraham's tendency to do this is probably not going to be fixed overnight. It's probably going to be fixed or progressive work of the Spirit. But once the Spirit illuminates what's happening with us, then that same Spirit can empower us to exercise dominion over the thing and manage it until God fixes it. So this is how we can, am I making sense? This is how we can keep the twin from destroying us until we're developed enough to eliminate and eradicate the twin. So here are a few things Abraham could have just done differently and I'll wrap up with this. One, I would say he could have paused before the border. I want you, if you look at verse 10, look at verse four, excuse me, you'll see Abram went as the Lord told him. If you look at verse 10, you'll see that phrase the Lord has told him is not there. So Abraham didn't leave his family based on instinct and impulse. God told him so he left. But then when there is a famine in the land, what you don't see is him going back to God. You see him just going to Egypt. He's a man that stopped listening. He paused and the text says before he goes in the Egypt. He says to his wife, hey, say you're my sister. It's the same man who built an altar as Shechem and Bethel and called on the name of the Lord. So he knew how to pause. But he would, but he filled that moment or was moved in that moment by paranoia and not prayer. Just like he built an altar in the early parts of the chapter, he could have just stopped at the border, built an altar and ask God a simple question. Is this you or my fear? So this means pause before the border. It means family. God's given us response ability. We can be triggered, but he's given us the ability to respond. It means we insert

a pause between what triggers us and what we do next. You can discern, I'm true. Pause. I got to build an altar. I mean, I got to engage God here. Number two, what Abraham could have did is partnered with his people. Notice in the text, Abraham told Sarah what to do, but never asked her what she thought. He gave us a script and then she remained silent. Now here's what's interesting. You trusted enough to marry. You trust her enough to carry in her womb a promise, but you don't trust her enough to offer an opinion. And there are some people who might be wired like Sarah, who won't offer wisdom without an invitation. Now some people, they're going to give you, they're going to give you, give you their perspective without an invitation, but there are some people that are not going to offer wisdom, they're not going to insert wisdom without an invitation. Because maybe if he would have partnered with Sarah, Sarah could have said, hey, there's another way we can do this. And then number three, last but not least, protect people from I want you to think this, think about this sister's your woman. You taken into another man's house and your husband just let you. Pharaoh's household suffered plagues while Abram walked away with livestock, silver and servants. So Sarah is adversely impacted by this, watch this, and even Pharaoh was like, "Man, what you doing?" This is crazy because you have a pagan king who is displaying and demonstrating more wisdom than the man we call the father of the faith. This, watch this, part of, oh my gosh, this is something that I've tried to share regularly with people that I know and love deeply and personally. And that is, there's something called relational consequences, right? It means that particularly if you are a parent with a child or a child with a parent or you in a spouse or relationship, what can end up happening is with a husband and a wife and a brother and a sister or a brother and a brother, a sister, a parent and a child, what can end up happening is of the people get the invoice for your toxic trait before you do. I mean, if you're just reading the text literally, it's almost like, "Yo, like Sarah, I got the bad end of the stick here, Pharaoh got the bad end of the stick here, Abraham walked away rich."

He is increasing while other people are getting an invoice for his toxic traits and when you love people well, if you're really loving your neighbor as yourself. You don't want them paying the invoice for my toxic trait. I'm not going to bother this, but it is like, because we're all human and we all have moves. That's what it means to be human. But, you know, some moves, swings are extreme and can be toxic and it's like, so how long everybody else is supposed to have bad days because you haven't, that's not love. Because when you love me, you become intentional and assertive about addressing what's broken you because what's broken you is breaking me. So, loving, so loving somebody isn't just love, love bombing somebody. Loving somebody is lifting yourself out of dysfunction that's becoming destructive and damaging to somebody that you say you love. Loving me means fixing you. That's what Abraham could have did and that's what you and I should do when we find ourselves in seasons and situations when we get to our Egypt, to the Board of Egypt. We're triggering this way. That my friends is damage control and may God give us the grace to manage our seasons and situations like this well. I want to pray for us and I feel specifically prompted to pray, I feel specifically prompted to pray along the lines of illumination. There's some things that only the spirit can help us see and I don't want others around us to keep experiencing damage from us because we can't see it so I want to pray. Before I do, if you're here and you are a part of this family, you understand the principles sowing back into the field that you're harvesting from and so for those of you that give regularly each week, I want to thank you for that, who give offering into this teaching ministry ways to give, becoming on the screen and super grateful for all that God is doing in and through your generosity. All right, let's pray together, family. Thank you very much. not just naturally, but spiritually, emotionally,

relationally. I pray for illumination that you would help us see that the eyes of our understanding would be open, not just in a way that helps us see you correctly, but in a way that helps us see us correctly. Holy Spirit, would you be a mirror? To help us see the things in me that I can't see, that are hurting me, that only come out of me. Come on here, when something happens to me. Father, I pray scales falling off of people's eyes. Blindness removed that the enemy who is the prince of darkness is rebuked, dispelled, that your people are delivered from self-deception. Help us to see, right. I thank you for this. And I ask it all in Jesus' name, amen. God bless your family, we love you. We'll see you next week, take care. You