Can Pain Produce Pride? || Victory Church [Cafe Convos #2]

Oh, I thought the clip meant, I thought the clip meant like, hey, you guys are good to go. See? Kedilsha. Hey, friend. What's up, homie? I'm here. I'm drinking coffee. So glad you are here. We are. So here's the thing. I don't like coffee, but I want to like what you like. Okay. So what I've had our great friends here at the Victory Cafe is make me a version of your favorite coffee. Yes. Because I want to love what you love. So tell me about what are we drinking here? What do you got? So this is goodness in a cup. First and foremost. I need us to know that. Right. Okay. So depending on what the day is, my drink switches, but today we are having a pistachio short cappuccino. Pistachio short cappuccino. Yes. And so what that means is less milk. Right?

So I use, I typically like oat milk. It's delicious. And see, I should have told them to put a little sea salt. Like we have the smoked sea salt. And so when you mix smoked sea salt and pistachio, it's just magical. So that's what we're having today. All right. Well, are you going to try it first? I'm going to try it together. We're going to see what happens. Cheers to course. Cheers. Okay. Here we go. I should go slow, fast. I think you should just sip. It's not hot, sir. It's okay. You're going to survive. Did you like it? What are you thinking? It's not terrible. Oh, look at that. It's not terrible. Okay. The sea salt kind of hit a little bitter. Okay. Yeah. Take another sip. I feel like we need another sip.

Nah. Do you need more sugar? No, no, no. It's fine. What is so interesting about this is like people who love coffee, like love coffee. It is like, like a thing. Like they are, they are serious about it. Almost like, like take a lot of pride in like the way they drink their coffee, the way they take their coffee, the things they put in it, all the notes and flavors. I don't know if you made for me, made this for me at the crib, put all your heart, soul into it. You bring it out. You feel pride. You are proud of it. You know what I'm saying? But like, what's the difference between like being proud of something and then like having pride of like, you know, about something. That's good. Like would it make you feel some type of way if I was like, yo, this, this is trash? No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't. It wouldn't. But I get that though. Like, yeah. Just even the thought of like the difference between being proud of something and have and like pride, having pride. I don't know. I don't know. That's weird. Like, is it like just a heart posture maybe?

I don't, I feel like maybe when being proud of something starts to venture over into like entitlement or something like that, or like, this is mine. Nobody can do it like me. You know what I'm saying? If it wasn't for me, this coffee would not be busted like it is. But you know what's funny? We do that though. We get into, it's funny that you use the word entitlement because I feel like recently I have, I have experienced, and let me say this, I've processed, like I've been in this process of unpacking kind of a moment of pride that you couldn't have told me was pride. A moment for you? Uh huh. Oh, me too. But you, but like you couldn't have told me it was pride. I'm just like, what do you mean? At times, I am a very like, there's a, there's a, there's a way of holding space for like exactly how you feel, but then also like what's biblical, right? Okay. Because I just think that that's, it's important for us sometimes like our faith and our like, a biblical perspective makes you feel like you can't feel that way. No, but like, this is how the heart feels, right? Like there's sadness in there and there's like a pain in there. And yes, there will be forgiveness, but like, oh, you hurt me, you hurt me deeply. So, um, a few months back, I, uh, was in this weird little space. I'm getting married in two months. No, you're not. Yes, you are. Hold on, let me see the ring. Let me see your hand. Oh, wait, hold on.

Oh, this little thing? Let me sip my coffee while you look at my ring. I love it. So I'm getting married in two months and I have been thinking of like all the fun ways that I want to, like, we want to make our day, right? Like make it fun, super traditional in some senses, but then like untraditional in some, right? And one of the things I was thinking about was, um, walking down the aisle. All right. And, um. To go dance instead? No. Okay. No. That would be fire though. It's friend though. So I'm thinking about walking down the aisle and I'm like, huh. And I think for most brides, most of us traditionally, like your father walks you down the aisle. And to me, I think the more I thought about that moment, there was this, there's an honor to that. Like there is a, this like, gosh, you know, your dad walks you down the aisle. He's seen you grow up, like all the things. And I started to kind of feel like, I don't know, like, I don't know that I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. Like, I know, I know. We're in the same space. Let Corey, Claire, or Catherine. I know. Get to there and be like, daddy, I don't want you to walk me down the aisle. It ain't going to be no way.

I know. Oh, and let me say this, and it's different, and let me say this, I love my dad. Like, I love my dad. My dad and I have a nuanced relationship, right? So my dad was not there, uh-huh. My dad wasn't there when I was coming up, growing up. And so dad and I really kind of came back into each other's lives when I was about like 14, 15, right? And so we've worked through a lot of things over the years and even like in my young adult years. And so this was one of those moments and I wasn't expecting it, right? Where this sense of like, there's an honor attached to that, like I said before, of like a father walking you down the aisle. And I'm like, well, I don't think you deserve that. And then I know, we gonna keep, no, I didn't tell, I've never- Yo, you are. Corey, I've never had this conversation with my dad. Okay, all right. This was like me unpacking this thing, because legitimately I'm talking to my best friend, I'm talking to my fiance, and I'm like, hey, because you know, these are safe spaces that I can like, I can say the thing that I'm really feeling without feeling judged, right? And I'm like, I know that sounds crazy, y'all, because I love my dad.

We have a great relationship now. And what I realized, which is kind of where I'm coming to in that moment, is that the Lord was reminding me that like, sometimes when we think about pride, we think of pride in this like big way, like I am a pastor. I must have this parking or, you know, like just, I don't know, like crazy prideful things that like we hear about, right? I don't know, people fall in pride. Call me by this name, only address me as pastor. Exactly, just crazy different things. And we miss the little moments. I always think of that scripture. It's the little fox's that spoil the vine. But we think of like, we forget about the little moments of pride that are massive, that are kind of hidden in these places, right? And for me, I felt like the Lord was like, there is a sense of entitlement that you're walking in right now. Like you feel like you're someone that can say, he doesn't deserve to walk me down the aisle. And I was like, and that when I sat with it, I was like, you're right, you're right. What am I gonna choose? Am I gonna choose?

Because if I look at it from a factual perspective, I mean, I guess I can say, dad, you weren't there. So like, I don't, you know? Yeah, homie, but as a dad, like I'm, yeah, like my thing is like, if he wasn't, you ain't. You know what I'm saying? Like sure, relationally and throughout your course of life, you may not showing up like you want him to, but the truth of the matter is you wouldn't be here to walk down any aisle if it were not for him. But continue. But I agree though. And it's funny because earlier you said, if Corey or Clear would ever come to me and I know you, I know Corey, Clear, Marla, I've watched y'all's relationship. These babies have had, you know, dad all along. So like, you can't even fathom that. They wouldn't be able to fathom that. And so I think that it is different, but yeah, like I just, I was, and still am unpacking that a little bit and all of the layers and the nuances. But at the same time, I think again, in the Lord saying, hey, that's pride because you feel like he doesn't deserve that. What are you gonna choose? Are you going to choose to be like, no, I have the right to feel that way. And I have the right to walk that out

and have a non-traditional and just walk down by myself. Or are you gonna choose to honor him? And I think that's where it was. You know? And I'm still in it, but I'm clear about, I'm gonna keep it 100 with myself. Don't think that you're just like, oh, this is just facts. No, no, no, you're walking in pride, baby girl. So like, at least own it, you know? Yeah, I hate when it sneaks up on you like that. Like you think that you're good, I'm not prideful. You're about to go from being independent, how you spell independent? I-N-D-E. Okay, stop, stop. You're about to go from being this independent boss lady, handling your own business, doing your thing for the longest, to now being a W-I-F-E, a wife. To taking on somebody else's stuff, living with somebody else's stuff, how they do they thing. I can only, I know, imagine, I know the type of pride that will rise up. Try to rise up, right? Yeah, rise up, like you leave your toothbrush right there all the time, like it's, and then, okay, how do I go about this without sounding like I'm mad? Yeah, do you shave every day? Yeah. And does your hair?

Yeah. Oh, so have you started to think about like how, I have, I have. Are you getting ready for that? Or even him, I mean, like, I mean, it's gonna be a whole new, a whole new world. It's gonna be a whole new world for him as well. I have desired to be married. I've wanted a man, right? I've been waiting for like 20 years. Baby, we'll be right here, right there. As I have been, so it's almost like I have desired this and I have prayed into this and the Lord has truly blessed me and honored me with a great man, with a man after his own heart, right? He dope, I like him. Okay. Yeah. And so I just feel like probably one of the things that I am actively learning in the season is like, what are you gonna focus on, right? Like at this point, I have waited and waited and waited and waited for where I'm at now. So this is answered prayer. And so not that that makes it like, oh, it's gonna be perfect. But I think it's a good anchoring, it's a good anchoring. And we've talked about it, you know, cause we're both, we're older, we're 41, 42. And so we've lived and we have done our own thing

and we've paid our own bills and I know how to make decisions and like, and we've known each other for, oh God, almost 30 years. We've been friends since we were 14, right? And so he knows I am a strong woman in the best of ways, I like to think. You are. And so above all, I think we're just, we're prepared to like duke it out when we need to duke it out. And like, you know, be like, when we need to do that and do the sorry's when we need to, but. It'd be great to just see the balance of how you and him just kind of work that thing out in your new season, dude. Come on, it's gonna be good. I'm excited, I really am excited about it, so. And I will say like this. I was gonna ask you, I really was gonna say, you know, can we do a second. I'm gonna give you one more, I'm gonna give you one more. I'm gonna pray in tongues. You're dumb, all right, you're dumb, but I love you. Thanks for being a part of Victory Church on the Pando app. We hope this content was a blessing to you, but we want you to know that you're not done yet because we want to hear from you. So send us a letter and tell us things like, what God is doing in your life, how we can pray for you, or even content that you would like to see us create in the future.

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