But It Still Hurts // Pero Todavía Duele

But today we are in part three of this series we titled Everything is Fine. It's something we tell ourselves, but underneath the phrase, we know that everything is not fine. I heard a story of a young man who lived far from his parents' house. He felt lonely so he wanted to buy a pet. Out of every kind of pet you can buy, he decided to buy a python, six feet long, and it grew to be ten feet long. And his mom told him something that a good mom would say, I never want you to bring that to my house. But one day his parents were not going to be home and he was going to go visit home. So he went to go and he brought his python with him. And he took it inside the bathroom and he closed the door. And he went about his day. A couple hours later he comes back, he opens the bathroom door and the python is not there. And he realized that the AC vent was never covered. So now we have a problem. There's a python inside mom and dad's house stuck somewhere in the AC system. So he went to go turn on the heat so it can drive the snake out. And he went to every single room and he removed the vents so the snake could come out. And he waited, and he waited, and nothing. And it was getting late. He had to go home because he had class the next morning.

So he wrote a note for his parents. He didn't text them or call them. No, he wrote a note. Dear mom and dad, my snake is somewhere in your house. When you come home, please look for it. Thank you. Hug, hug, kiss, kiss, right? Parents come home later on that night, they read the note, they looked around the house, they couldn't find anything, so they went to sleep. I'm kidding, they did not go to sleep. Because how many of you would go to sleep if there's a 10 foot snake inside your house? None of us. You wouldn't, I wouldn't. You know why? Because we're smart. We're smart people. Right, we're not going to do that. We don't want to die. We're not going to do something so dumb like that when we know there's something that shouldn't be in there. The parents, they didn't go to sleep. They didn't say, you know what? Everything is fine. That's a problem for another day.

Let's go get some rest. They didn't say, you know what? If we ignore it, maybe it will work itself out. They didn't say, man, I don't even care no more. I'm just tired. No. They looked around, they did everything possible, finally they found the snake and they got it out and the mom was just screaming the entire time. Because if there's something in your home that shouldn't be there, you will do anything you have to do to get rid of it. But it's interesting because we don't do that with our hearts. When there's something that shouldn't be in our hearts, for some reason, we leave it alone. We ignore it. See, I've never met someone that their marriage fell apart, that their family was ruined, that their relationships were ruined because of a snake in their house. But I do know people that their marriages have been ruined, their friendships have been ruined,

their purpose has been destroyed, they can't move forward in life and become the person God has called them to be because of something in their hearts. It doesn't even have to be, let's not even talk about a snake, right? But what if there was a rat in your room? You'll get it out. A wasp in your room. It's just small. It doesn't matter. No, you can't sleep. I don't know what insect it would be for you, but you have one goal, to get it out. But why is it in our hearts we just ignore it? We allow it to stay there. See, there's a snake lurking in our hearts. And the snake I want to talk to you about today is unforgiveness. Because somebody wounded you in your past and that wound is still there. It's slithering in your heart. It moves from one corner to another, from one room to another. But for some reason we say, I'm over it. It happened a long time ago. I don't even care no more.

It doesn't bother me. How's the condition of your heart? Answer that truthfully. And if you're honest, maybe today you would say, everything is fine, but it still hurts. It still bothers me. It still angers me. Because time doesn't heal all wounds. If time itself healed all wounds, that means time would be the healer. But time is not the healer. God is the healer. But you don't understand what they did. You don't understand what they said. How they hurt me. I was just a child. I didn't deserve that. Or I thought I could trust them. They were close to me. You see, when someone hurts us, you know what our hurt says? Our hurt says, you owe me. You owe me an apology. You owe me. You should have been there, but you weren't. You should have stayed, but you didn't. There was something that I deserved,

and you didn't give it to me. I deserve respect, and you didn't give it to me. I deserved a friend, but you betrayed me. I deserved a father in my life. But you didn't even care. I deserved encouraging words as a child, but Mom, you never gave it to me. And maybe you're here today, and in your heart, you're hurting, because someone took something from you. It's something of value. And this is why we get angry. Because someone robbed you of something. Someone robbed you of your childhood. Someone robbed you of your innocence. Someone took your time. A whole season was wasted. Years were taken. Someone took your marriage. Someone took your friendship. Someone took your trust. And they left. And you can't get it back. You can't get those years back. You can't get that marriage back. You can't get your childhood back. And when we refuse to forgive, you can write this down, unforgiveness says, I will never let it go. This wrong thing they did, it wasn't fair. And I can't let it go.

And what we end up doing, is that we end up carrying what was done to us. We end up carrying that hurt, that anger, that bitterness. But it's poison. It's poison for your soul. But I'm not going to let it go. I know it kind of gets heavy. I don't want it, but I'm not letting it go. I'm never going to get hurt like that again. I'm not going to let go. And we carry it with us, everywhere we go. But it's poison. It's poison for your soul. I love what St. Augustine said. Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So it looks like this. What was done to me, I'm not going to let it go. I know it's poison, but I'll show them. I'll show them that I don't need them. I'll show, I'll show him that I'm better off. Resentment is bitter, but I'll show him. I'll show her that I don't even care. How do you like that? I'll show my absent father that I didn't need him. I'm fine. I'll show that ex that it didn't hurt, that I'm fine. And we end up consuming what we carry. You will always consume what you carry in your heart. And you know the thing about poison? It always spreads. It never stays in one spot.

So we carry this in every conversation. And we think we're hiding it, but people can tell. You carry this into every friendship. You carry this into every relationship. You carry this into every season. But you'll consume what you carry. It's poison for your soul, but the good news is, you can write this down, what happened to you doesn't have to stay in you. It doesn't have to stay in your heart, because the hurt, the anger, the bitterness, it's cancer for your soul. It's cancer, and if you ever dealt with cancer, when you go in for surgery, you don't want to get part of it out. You want to get all of it out. I don't want no bitterness, I want no resentment, I want no anger inside of me. So what do we do? Where do we start? In the New Testament, Peter comes to Jesus, and he has a question on forgiveness. So Matthew 18, then Peter came to him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? See, during this time, the rabbis taught that you should forgive someone three times, and after the third time, you don't have to forgive them anymore. See, but Peter starts to understand, oh, Jesus is all about grace. Jesus is different. I think I kind of know the answer. It's going to be double that. You know what? Double plus one. I'm going to let him know that I'm smart. Hey, Jesus, how many times should we forgive?

Seven times? So he's just smiling, just waiting, and Jesus says, no, not seven times, Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. Wait, that's like 490 times. Jesus, that's a lot. I don't think I can keep track of all of that. See, Jesus is making a point, and here's the point. Forgiveness is not about keeping score, but it's about losing count. In other words, the only way to keep your heart clean is by living with the heart of forgiveness. And then Jesus shares this story. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him 10,000 bags of gold. Another translation says 10,000 talents. One talent is worth 20 years of wages. So in other words, this guy owes the king billions upon billions of dollars. And the point is, it's unpayable. He can't pay it back. And the story continues. Since he was not able to pay the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this, the servant fell on his knees before him. Be patient with me, he begged, and I will pay everything. The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt, and let him go. So the servant had a debt. A debt that could not be paid. And the king in this story cancels the debt. But the story continues. But when that servant went out, he found that one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.

And this was just a couple thousand dollars. It's still a lot. But nothing compared to the billions he owed the king. He grabbed him and began to choke him. Pay back what you owe me, he demanded. His fellow servant fell on his knees and begged him, be patient with me and I will pay it back. He's having the same response he had. But look how, look at what he does. But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in, you wicked servant. I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you? In anger, his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly father would treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart. Now let me ask you, who in the story ended up in prison? The one who refused to forgive. So here's the principle. The absence of forgiveness is the presence of a prison. Those who refuse to forgive are the ones who end up in their own prison. And when I drink the poison of unforgiveness, it imprisons me and it begins to destroy me. Because unforgiveness has the power to destroy. Unforgiveness has never healed the heart. Bitterness has never healed the heart. Anger has never healed the heart.

Only forgiveness has. But in order to forgive, we need to understand what forgiveness is not. Here's number one. Forgiveness is not forgetting. It's not that you'll forget. You will remember. Things will happen that will remind you of what happened. See, some people say forgive and forget. But that's not a real thing. Because you can't choose to erase things from your memory. So forgiveness is not forgetting. And number two. Forgiveness is not minimizing the pain. It's not acting like it didn't hurt. No, because the pain was real. The abuse was real. The betrayal was real. The disappointment was real. God knows how much you cried. God knows how much it hurt. He saw every tear. He heard every prayer. It's not minimizing the pain. The pain was real. It's acknowledging the pain. And number three, forgiveness is not restoring trust. And this is important. Because trust is something that is lost quickly. And it's restored slowly. It's lost quickly.

But it's restored slowly. Because trust is built over time. Trust is earned. We trust people when there's reasons for us to trust them. But if you have a pattern of hurting me, I can forgive you, but I can keep my distance. It's healthy and it's wise to have boundaries in your life. Forgiveness is not the same as trusting. That's earned over time. And here's the last one. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It's a decision. Because no one ever wakes up in the morning. Oh my gosh, the weather is amazing. I feel like forgiving today. If you wait on the feeling, you're going to wait your entire life. Because it's not a feeling. It's a decision. So now, how do we do it? First understand that it's a process. And the first thing you need to do, number one, open your heart. I know it sounds simple, but this might be one of the hardest things to do. Because God cannot heal what you keep closed. And it begins by saying, God I know my heart has been closed for a very long time,

but today I open my heart to you. Open your heart. And number two, remember the king of your story. Because the king changes everything. If there was no king in the story, it would be a different story. That a guy owed a lot of money to another guy, he couldn't pay back, so he was thrown in prison. The end. That's it. That's the story. But the king changes everything. Because the story begins by introducing us to a king that forgives a debt that is unpayable. A debt that was impossible to pay. See the reason some of us struggle to forgive is because we forget. We forget about the king in our story. That we have been forgiven. That while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. And he has forgiven us. Remember the king in your story. Because you had a debt that could not be paid. And you came before the king. And the king looked at you and he said, the debt has been canceled.

Don't forget the king. And number three, identify the debtor. So who is it? Who is it that you've been thinking about this entire time? Since the moment I said unforgiveness, that person came to your mind. Is it someone from your family? Someone from your childhood? Who is it that you get angry with? Who easily annoys you? Who is it? Who are they? Who are the people that hurt you? That secretly you want something bad to happen to them? Identify the debtor. Number four. Define the debt. What did that person take from you? You gotta be specific. Jesus gave an exact number of the debt. Because to forgive, you need to forgive specifically. The king was specific. And so many times people just generalize forgiveness. And you know what I've realized? General forgiveness doesn't heal a specific wound. And sometimes people use general forgiveness as a mask so they don't have to deal with it. They say things like this. I'm a forgiving person.

I don't hold on to things. I don't get angry. I don't really get offended. But only specific forgiveness heals specific wounds. What did that person take from you? What do they owe you? He owes me my childhood. She owes me the kind words as a child. That person was never there. That person took my innocence. That person took ten years of my life. I don't know what it is for you. But define the debt. And number five. Cancel the full amount. Cancel the full amount. They don't owe me anything. I'm canceling the debt. But the problem is what we do is that we cancel part of the amount. Not the full amount. What we're doing is that we're forgiving with our mouth but not with our heart. Are you forgiving with your mouth? Or are you forgiving with your heart? Because it's only from the heart is when we cancel the full amount. And it's very uncomfortable. And it's very difficult.

And it takes work. But it's when we say, God I'm tired of carrying the poison. I keep suppressing it in my heart. And then I feel like I'm fine. But then I see that person. Or I think about that person. Oh, and the anger comes. The wound opens up. I'm tired of the poison in my life. It's when we tell Jesus I want to cancel the full amount. And God looks at you. Give it to me. Give me the poison. Give me the anger. Give me the resentment. Give me the pain. But I'm not letting go. I know you don't want to let go. But you've been holding it for so long. And you're used to it already. You're okay with it. But let me remove the poison out of your heart. Cancel the full amount. Open your hands. And it's time for number six. Number six, close the account.

But they never said sorry. And they acted like they did nothing wrong. But the good news is that you don't need an apology in order for you to move on. Because forgiveness was never for them. It was for you. Forgiveness is not for them. It's for you. Because the poison was never hurting them. The poison was hurting you. It wasn't helping you. It was hurting you. And there will be moments where the emotions come up and the wound is going to want to open up again. But forgiveness is a process. I love the way that one theologian said it. I struggle with forgiveness but I practice it every day. Because if I did not forgive then my past would always be my present. So with the help of God cancel the full amount. They don't owe me anything because you Jesus, you have given me everything I needed. And I'm closing the account. And I'm keeping the account closed.

Because on the other side of forgiveness there's a promise. If the presence of unforgiveness is the presence of a prison that means that the presence of forgiveness is the presence of freedom. It's the presence of freedom. Because forgiveness is to set a prisoner free just to discover that that prisoner was you. And here's the last thing. Forgive because freedom looks good on you. Did you know freedom looks good on you? It's like when you go and you're trying out different clothes and you're frustrated because nothing fits. Anybody been there before? And I remember one time I was at the store. I'm trying all these clothes. The shirt doesn't fit. The pants don't fit well. I look weird with this on. And I kept going in and out of the fitting room. It doesn't fit. It doesn't look good. But on this one moment that I came out to look at myself in the mirror the person working there stopped and looked at me.

It's like, hey that outfit that looks good on you. And I'm like, really? It's like, yeah, the color of the shirt it matches your skin tone. And because of your hair and your height and this and that and I'm like, I know. You know what, it does look good on me. I think I'm going to get it. I want one of each color. Because when something looks good on you you want to wear it. And when you wear it you know you look good. You walk differently because it's a new outfit. You smile differently. You look at yourself in the mirror more. Because I tell you, it's the same thing with freedom. When you dress your heart with forgiveness, you're dressing it with freedom. And freedom looks good on you. Hey, what are you wearing? You look great today. Is that Louis Vuitton? No, this is freedom. Is that Gucci? No, this is forgiveness. Is that Gucci?

No, this is forgiveness. What do you have on? That your face is shining. You look 10 years younger. Oh my God, did you lose some weight? What are you wearing? Oh, I'm wearing freedom. I'm wearing freedom. I was tired of carrying the poison around. And even though I felt like I was hiding it well, you were able to see it in my face. You were able to see how I lived and how I acted. But I remember the king in my story. And he has forgiven me much. And because he has forgiven me, freely I receive forgiveness and freely I forgive. Because forgiven people forgive people. I remembered the king in my story. I had an unpayable debt and he forgave me. So I've decided to cancel the full amount. And I have closed the account. And I have decided to dress my heart in something that looks good on me. Let me encourage you today. You look better when you're walking in freedom. And when you are, close your eyes and bow your heads.

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